a/n: apologies omg. i'm not finishing on time so have to split this chap into two. i've been too busy settling in and adjusting and going out with friends to cope with loneliness /
(not homesick but i miss my mom)

Mask

And when she laughed, it sounded shaky and spent.

But hopeful.

And then she stopped laughing because she realized hoping didn't really get her anywhere close to him four years ago. She thought it did but what constituted their relationship was senseless blobs of leftover paint which was nothing compared to the grandeur of his art that he had dedicated his life to.

They would always be fleeting.

And she would always be something he could only ever pass by. He did stop once though to give her a momentary recognition and then he casually turned his back on her permanently.

In fact, it only dawned on her that seeing this painting should mean nothing special. This painting was nothing more than a product of his artistic imagination, just an addition to his rows of finest works. It was nothing personal. He just needed to use her for his art. And how different was she from him, really, when she would try to paint (and not finish) faces of him almost every day of her life?

She might have been the muse of this particular painting but she had learned it hard enough that she could never amount to being his muse.

Because if she was, he wouldn't have left like that.

She wouldn't blame him. She wasn't mad nor resentful over it, but he still left her, and she had to deal with the pain no matter how beautiful it had seemed to be.

Sai took a step towards her and on instinct, she did the same and instantly felt betrayed by herself. She knew that he was going to say something but someone from behind him called out to him.

She wanted to say it first before hearing it from him.

"I should go – "

"Wait for me," he said with conclusiveness before heading towards that which needed his attention.

She contemplated his words. She knew he wanted a talk but about what, she could never be sure. He wasn't one to apologize. He was too brutally insensitive and honest to do that. He had already probably justified his sudden leaving to himself. Actually, he didn't need to justify anything to her. Besides, if she could phrase his feelings for him, he'd definitely say, "It wasn't my obligation to say goodbye to you."

And well, that's true.

Right from the start, he had made it quite clear that her liking him wasn't any of his business.

And it would follow that her decision to let go couldn't be his business, too, so she headed for the exit right away, throwing one last look at the painting. She'd agree with him: it was probably a memory worthy to be painted for the sake of worldwide recognition. After all, wouldn't it be really interesting to showcase in public something so intimate?

But it was exactly just that. A memory. Intimately beautiful and sad and belongs to the past.

…

The exhibit was set to be open for only a week, and this was the last day. She made sure not to go back there anymore after her first visit.

He would always be her muse, but seeing him and that painting was enough of a closure for her.

She could finally stop painting him and things related to him and work on a new project or just stop painting altogether because she should be focusing instead on coming up with more stylish designs for their models at the studio.

She opened her drawer to get started but was immediately confronted with the sight of her paint brushes, their tips still laden with memories. She then scanned her room and realized that every corner of her apartment was filled with nothing else but tubes of paints, tainted palettes, canvas stands, and half-finished faces of him.

She let out a sigh.

"Too much for moving on, Ino."

Just then, someone rang the doorbell, and she was quick to open the door.

"Why are you here?" she asked as soon as she saw that stony smile of his.

"I told you to wait for me," he replied casually, not giving up the smile.

"And was I supposed to wait again after all those years? You're still cruel as ever," she said sarcastically, folding her arms, and leaning against the doorframe.

This successfully disturbed his peaceful smiling face, and he regarded her intensely.

"Aren't you supposed to invite me in?"

And then Ino remembered the treasures of her apartment, and she just couldn't possibly let him know! She pushed at him lightly, making space for herself, and she pulled the door close with her other hand.

"Absolutely not!" she exclaimed, crossing her arms between them.

"That's unfair. You would usually enter my apartment without permission."

She blushed at this and hated herself for it.

"Th-that was different. . ." she stammered, looking away.

"Then let's talk somewhere."

"Are you sure you have time for this? It's the last day of your exhibit right? Shouldn't you be scrambling off to your next site?" she quipped, one eyebrow raised.

"I'm staying here. They can re-install my paintings themselves."

The implication of what he said hit her hard. "Why here? Why not stay in Paris for good? Anyway, you already spent your four years there so why not stay there forever?" she reacted, her arms, a convenient tool to gesticulate the difference between here and there.

"That's weird. What's with you and your insistence to avoid me?"

"I'm not avoiding you."

He flashed that irritating smile of his again, as if he really knew better. "I can totally see that. You used to always look for me and barge into my apartment."

"I got used to not seeing you anymore, that's why."

She wasn't sure if what she said was actually true, but she needed to put up with his line of arguing, and she had no idea how to tell him that she wasn't exactly avoiding him but wasn't too keen on talking with him either. She wanted to avoid unnecessary drama as much as possible. She'd already had four years or so of that because of him.

They fell silent once more.

He was the one who broke it first. "But you seemed happy when you saw me. You even said you'd never thought you'd see my stony smile again."

He spoke slowly as if choosing his words, but she could hear hints of confidence in his accusation, so she'd probably do well to admit to that.

"I was happy. And that's it. I don't need to elaborate and we don't need to talk," she said hastily before turning to open the door.

"I'm sorry."

Her fingers gripped the door handle tightly, but she didn't budge from her position. "That was four years ago. You didn't need to apologize."

"Still, I'm sorry."

By this time, she had already managed to push the door ajar.

"Okay. You're forgiven then," she said dismissively over her shoulder.

"Can I see you tomorrow?"

It wasn't the question that startled – alarmed – her, but that sudden spark of warmth against her arm. He couldn't possibly be initiating a physical contact now, could he?

She sighed loudly and threw her head back before turning to face him which automatically made him let go.

"We really don't need to talk about anything. I thank you for painting that though. I'm glad that the clingy me back then had a bit of use for you and helped you create some fantastic art . . ."

She didn't finish her sentence because suddenly, he had this grim expression on his face.

"I did not use you. I didn't plan for that to happen just so I could have some material for – "

"O-kay! That's fine. We're cool. Now I'm heading back inside because I still have things to do. Bye!"

And before he could react, she made sure she could get to close the door faster.

She wasn't ready to meet him again after all these years, but more than that, nothing could've prepared her for meeting this version of a Sai she hadn't seen before.

He talked too much now and would surprisingly even bother to go to great lengths just to explain things. Where was the brooding and gloomy artist she'd known from years ago? She needed that Sai.

She needed him not to care.

…

Tbc.

(I know it's too short but I just want to post something before another busy week starts tomorrow. I was thinking of putting up a Sai chapter but it's not my style. I feel like it'd ruin things for me hahaha. Thanks to fanofthisfiction, Ketsui Tasogare and some people on tumblr for the ideas. I was considering Oneofthemasses's suggestion of turning this into a multichap but you know I suck at updating hahaha and I don't think I was able to give it a solid framework where I could build things on. Thank you so much ya'll for pushing for another chap (in this case, two) and please leave some more and suggest some more ideas while you're at it? :D)