There were loads of tents. Further in the distance was that battleground we had walked past. Even from here I could see swaths of ground that were painted red in what I could smell was blood. It's thick scent coating my tongue and lingering in the back of my throat.
For a moment I stumbled the sight of mass carnage trying to freeze me in place, but I quickly forced the body to keep going. Using its surprising speed and agility to flee. The stretch and burn of muscle almost felt nice. Feet hardly touching the ground.
I attempted to reach the forestline somehow knowing that the people in the tent would follow me. Something shifted in the shadows, a wash of leather and ink, and strong hands were suddenly ripping me to a stop. Before, I was sure that the sudden stop would have ripped something at least. Instead it only jolted and bruised.
"Let go." I hissed attempting to squirm away.
"You know nothing of this world." Azriel growled. "You would last but a few hours out there. I'd bet on it."
"You don't know anything about me." I growled right back.
"I know enough."
Anger rolled through me and I glared at the winged man. I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all. The momentary outburst of shock was gone and nothing had taken its place. How dare this stranger think to tell me what to do? To trap me yet again.
"It's not your problem either way." I told him harshly.
"I will not let you run out to be killed." Short. Clipped. Matter of fact. Infuriating.
"You don't get to let me do anything." I tried, and failed, to get free of his grasp. He simply raised one perfect eyebrow at my struggle.
"Hey, it's okay." The deep voice of the other winged one. As soon as I heard another voice I doubled my efforts to get out of his hands. A few more sets of feet. The same smells of the strangers in the tent wafting over me.
Desperate I bit down on the closest part of Azriel that I could reach, which turned out to be his upper arm. Blood exploded on my tongue but the hold did not waver one bit. I gagged at the taste.
"Nova." Amren's voice was sharper than a knife.
"Tell him to let go."
"She will only run." My captor rumbled. I glared up at him and felt something distantly whisper words I couldn't understand. And yet I knew that it was a way to get out. To get away. I only needed to say them.
"Nova, we mean you no harm." That was the unnamed one. "Truly." I looked to them, and the unnamed one was staring at me with a sincerity that absolutely wiped away any doubt in my mind. Amren had raised a brow at me as I looked to her. There was a flash of recognition. I stopped fighting.
"What's your name? I'm sorry I didn't ask before." I looked to the large winged man.
"Cassian."
I glanced at them all, the tang of blood still lingering in my mouth. Shame rushed through me and I ducked my head. I was acting like some sort of cornered animal.
"We understand," Feyre's voice was gentle. "I get it." She clarified. "To lose everything you knew. Rhys said you were a mortal before?"
"What do you mean mortal?" I asked confused.
"Human." She added watching me carefully.
"Of course I'm human, what else could I have been?" The hands holding me tensed slightly. I glanced toward Azriel confused. His expression was frozen. And yet I could feel that faint echo of disbelief.
"Have you heard of Fae?" That was Amren.
"Fae, like the Fair Folk?" They had actually been a favorite topic of mine. All my favorite books were about the Fae and their exploits.
"Yes." She answered.
"Yeah I read about them. Old Irish tales right?" The silence of the group slowly drove me on. "They were considered to be old gods in Ireland. Christians however cast them as fallen angels or demons. Some thought they were the creatures who roamed the earth before humans existed. A few thought they were elementals personifying the will of nature. Oh, shit sorry." I mumbled blushing slightly. "I didn't mean to ramble. I just wrote a few papers concerning them."
"Have you ever met one?" Cassian asked softly.
"What do you mean? They're not real." Once again that flex of fingers on my skin. The only indication he actually heard what I was saying. Those shadows were starting to move to me again and I held my breath trying to ignore it.
"There was no wall." Rhysand breathed. "They're stories to you."
"Well yeah. I mean I did try to dance in a fairy circle once when I was little. Nothing happened." I mumbled.
"What about magic? That's a story too isn't it?" Feyre asked eyes wide. I simply nodded confused.
"Stars." Morrigan watched me with wide eyes. I felt Azriel's attention go to her, and conflict thundered in the distance. His fingers twitched again and then suddenly let go of me as if I had burned him. We both took steps away from each other. His eyes flickered between Morrigan and I for a good moment that strange conflicting sensation only growing.
"What's wrong?" She asked taking a step toward him.
"She's…" His eyes met mine and for a moment I felt that bridge spanning between us.
"Mother help us." Amren hissed.
Morrigan looked to me then shock crossing her face fully. I took a step back further into the trees at the way they all seemed to be gawking at me. For a moment I was envious of Azriel with those shadows curling about him, helping to hide him.
"Azriel is she….?" The question hung in the air between Morrigan and Azriel. There was a tortured look in his eyes as he stared at her. He nodded, just once as if the motion took all of his strength. Was I what?
So many eyes going to me. I took another step back.
"Okay, wait." Cassian was holding a hand out to me. "This is too much to take in. Perhaps we should move her to a safer place for now."
"What of the other High Lords? How will they react to you taking the Book of Breathings a second time?" All head whipped to Amren.
"I threw that book into the Cauldron." Feyre said in a horrified whisper.
"Seems the girl found it." Amren walked to me that beast of a thing echoing in her eyes. I took another step back but a softening in her face held me still as she reached out and took my hand. Her fingers brushed up my arm following the strange runes. "Seems like you are it. I know these markings. As should you all if you stopped your chattering to actually look at the girl."
"I don't understand." I told her quietly.
"Of course you don't."
Rhysand breathed out harshly running a hand over his face. I felt so small among these people. Less of a person and more of an enigma they were trying to solve before moving on. Rhysand's eyes went to Feyre's but no words were spoken between the two of them. Amren looked up at me her eyes seeing everything. Morrigan was still glancing between Azriel and myself a strange mixture of excitement, happiness, and loss crossing her face. I nearly shrieked when Cassian was suddenly looking down at me less than a foot away. For someone so big he could move so quietly.
"Mind filling me in on something?" His voice was so soft compared to before.
"What?" I asked shrinking into myself a bit more. It was easier to fight when I was filled with anger. Confusion just made me want to shrink.
"What do you remember? Before you got here?"
"I…" My voice cracked slightly. I didn't want to think about it. Talk about it. Tears burned my eyes but I didn't let them fall. "I was trying to go home. I just got off of work and my car is broken so I had to walk in the dark."
"Car?"
A sob nearly forced its way out of my throat at his genuine confusion. My face must have given it away because he looked slightly alarmed.
"It's…" How did you explain a car to someone who didn't know anything about it? "It's like a horseless carriage."
"You have no magic there. How do you get it to move?"
"It's mechanical. It runs off of gas." I mumbled. He simply waited for me to continue. "There was this...darkness. Liquid darkness. It swallowed me whole."
More eyes falling upon me as I spoke. I looked to Cassian who was watching with a patient expression.
"It tried to eat me. Make me into nothing. It was worse than pain." I told him earnestly. "I started to forget how to be me. How to be anything." I could almost feel it again. The way it simply dissolved me until I didn't know who I was. Where I was. The wailing and laughing in my arms. "There was a book. I caught it. We were dying together and it kept talking. Laughing and crying and then we felt this power. It stopped the darkness and woke something up. That thing took us." I started to shiver. "It...Hurt. Instead of darkness it was water and we were on fire. And freezing. It changed us and then someone grabbed our hand. My hand." I corrected blinking.
Pretty thing. Something cooed. I shivered violently and felt my stomach twist. I could still taste the iron of blood. I twisted away and dropped to my knees my body heaving. There wasn't much to throw up, a little water and stomach acid but that was it.
"They'll use her." Amren's voice was quiet.
I spat into the grass. There was a soft hand on my shoulder, and I took it not caring that I didn't know them that well. A strong and elegant hand. I followed it back to see hazel eyes looking into mine. Shadows curling around the place we touched. He ached for me. I could feel it as much as the horror that threatened to break me.
"It's not your fault." Azriel whispered.
I broke. The dam I had built against the tears just broke. He somehow touched the one thing I was trying not to think of. The guilt. It had to be my fault. If I hadn't walked home, if I had just skipped work, if I hadn't held onto that book I would be okay and home. He was suddenly pulling me to his chest letting me stain his armor with tears. His wings curled around the two of us blocking out the world. They were red, I realized distantly. Threaded with gold and shadows. I shivered in his arms not knowing why I wanted to stay with him. Why I felt okay sobbing into him.
"Damn it all." Cassian growled the softer side of him gone. "How do we fix this mess?"
"No one knows but us, we could just take her with us." Morrigan spoke. I tried to get control of myself working to slow my breathing and killing each sob until I was only quietly sniffling.
"What happens when they find out?" Amren asked. "Are you willing to shatter a potential peace before its forged?"
"We have to tell the other High Lords. Hopefully Drakon and Miryam will be on their way before the meeting." Rhysand muttered.
"What happens if they want her?" Feyre asked calmly.
"No." Azriel's voice was absolute.
"There's no guarantee-" Cassian began angrily.
"No." The word was terrifying. I pulled slightly back to look up at Azriel and what I saw made me stop. His eyes were filled with ice and a deep wrath that left me breathless. Absolute darkness.
"I'll go." I told them.
"We can't keep this from them." Rhysand's voice was deeper. More powerful and with it came images of dark night skies.
"You'll have to tear her from my-"
"I'll go." I said loud enough to cut him off. I pushed slightly at his chest and his wings receded. "Put me down. Whatever this is it's obviously important to you all. If I have to go and meet these...Lords...then so be it." I said with a bravado I didn't feel.
I must have made an interesting sight. Sniffling and trying to sound brave with tears still fresh on my face. He didn't put me down.
"Your fate will be in their hands." Amren told me seriously. "For all we know they'll lock you up. Or kill you for the power etched into your skin."
"Is there another option?" I asked quietly. I wasn't sure exactly what was happening but I knew it was all my fault. For being here. Everything felt distant anyway. The body that was not mine still being held in the arms of a winged shadow man. All this beauty and terror side by side. It wouldn't matter what happened in the long run. I didn't quite care. Couldn't bring myself to care.
Love and Apathy. The thought felt familiar. I nearly nodded agreeing with it. All of these opposites side by side. The love these people shared with each other was apparent.
"You could claim her." Morrigan suddenly looked above me to Azriel. Again that distant thunder of conflict.
"Claim me?"
"If you told them that she's your Mate…" Morrigan trailed off slightly. "If that's what...she is."
"Mate?" I asked looking up to him. He looked down at me but if he was feeling anything he wasn't showing it.
"That might work." Amren seemed to be considering it.
"What do you all mean?" I asked them. Once again it was like I wasn't even there to them. Azriel was simply watching my face. I pushed slightly at his chest trying to get him to drop me. He shifted letting me go back to my feet. I immediately stepped away from him already embarrassed at my earlier actions.
Crying on strangers wasn't the most dignified act.
"We'll have to keep her hidden until then. Can't have any rumors spreading of a strange looking High-Fae." Feyre said glancing me over.
"All of this hinging on the assumption he'll claim her." Amren clarified looking at Azriel.
I grit my teeth and looked to the small group surrounding me. "I swear to whatever you all hold holy if you don't tell me what's going on I will make every second you try to keep me around a living hell."
That got their attention.
"I'm not some…thing to be claimed like property." I hissed my fear taking a backseat to the deep seeded hatred that sexism could pull from me. "You all have terrible bedside manner." That got a raised eyebrow from Cassian. "I'm nearly erased from existence, shoved into a strange place with even stranger people, and you can't even tell me why a man with wings that I hardly know the name of is supposedly grappling with the fact that he may need to claim me. Which sounds like an archaic shithole of a tradition, by the way." I moved slightly toward them and felt something deep within me click in response to my anger. "I'm not property. I'm not some burden that you all have to tuck away to keep safe. I am a human being and as such I deserve some semblance of respect. I don't care if I have no idea what's going on. I don't care if this body is mine or not. You will treat me with the same basic amount of respect I've been giving you or I swear for as long as you all try to hold me against my will I will fight every second of every day until I'm free."
It wasn't until the end of my tirade I realized it was the most I had spoken to them. Silence reigned around me ringing with the anger that had, for the moment, strengthened me back into some semblance of control over myself.
"Oh, I like you." Morrigan said a grin slowly spreading across her face. "You're right, we should be letting you know what's going on. But…" She paused thinking.
"You have little to no knowledge about this world." Rhysand said from beside me. I glanced to him. He searched my face for a second. "We have precious little time before someone finds out about you. Until the information about you is spread to the other High Lords. We can't spend the time we have left explaining all of this to you. You're right that we've been-"
"Complete asshats." I supplied crossing my arms. That got a chuckle out of Cassian.
"Imprudent." Rhysand said a smile tugging at the edge of his mouth. "We are simply trying to navigate the situation so that you can come back with us."
"You think I'd want to when you're treating me like an afterthought?"
"Point taken." Morrigan said with a nod.
Feyre suddenly moved to me and I was proud that I held my ground against such a powerful woman. She looked haunted, I realized, they all did. All of them had dark circles under their eyes and darkness lurking in their gazes. The same way I looked I was sure. Like they had just been through something awful.
"I know it's a lot to ask, but we need you to trust us to help you. When we get back we can explain everything. You can take as much time as you need to come to terms with this. But we need you to trust us."
I could tell that they weren't bad people. I could see it in the way they all held their breaths waiting on my answer. I looked at each of them in turn, and then sighed.
"Yeah. Okay. You all seem nice despite everything." I muttered. "I don't have anyone else to trust anyway."