Reality came crashing back around me as I felt a thunderous force slam near my head. The first thing that greeted me upon opening my eyes was the undercarriage of a startlingly silver horse. There was another distinct clack of teeth and a forceful whinny.
"Easy big guy. Az won't hurt her." Cassian's voice wasn't too far away.
"Stand down!" My body came alive at the sound of that voice. Midnight tones mixed with shadows that somehow reached down and stroked the core of my being with sound alone. I could hear the threat in his voice, and a slight strain that I quickly put down to him trying to control himself.
"Shadowfax." I coughed my voice weak. At the sound the commotion above and around me seemed to fall silent. "It's okay. They're not trying to hurt me."
I tried to push myself up, but the sudden blaze of fire that raced across my back had me hitting dirt again.
"Nova." Cassian sounded distressed. It was an odd sound. I had gotten so used to his fake flirting and bravado that concern sounded wrong. "How bad is it?"
I grit my teeth and swallowed my own screams as I slowly crawled out from under Shadowfax. I felt a gentle brush of his muzzle against the back of my head as I passed as if he were trying to check on me himself. Azriel was only a few feet away, and I absolutely hated how despite the pain and horror that had been racing through my mind a seed of excitement and longing planted itself in my chest. By the time I got fully out from under Shadowfax my arms were shaking with the effort.
He moved so quickly I didn't register it. One moment I was panting in the dirt and the next I was being lifted up into his arms. Leather, ink, and the smell of rain greeted me, as did a horrible rush of fire. A whimper made its way out of my mouth but it was quickly overwhelmed by the intensity of the anger in Azriel's eyes.
Too close. I couldn't think. Couldn't breathe with him this close. I wanted more than anything to bury my head against his chest and sob for what had happened. Instead I watched him warily, taking note of Cassian moving only inches at a time toward us.
"How badly are you hurt?" Despite the promise of war in his eyes, Azriel's voice was gentle as were his hands. He studiously avoided touching my burn as if he already knew that it was there.
"I don't know." I admitted quietly. My skin felt too hot, too tight. The world had slowly turned hazy on the back of shadowfax. With the violence of the moment past the body was starting to notice just how bad it had gotten.
"She needs a healer, Az." Cassian spoke slowly and carefully as if he were trying to deal with a wild animal instead of the quiet and polite spymaster I had come to know. Yet when he spoke I could feel Azriel's body tense, as if he were preparing himself to fight.
"Please," the word slipped out before I knew what I was doing. Azriel's attention riveted on me once more. I took a shaky hand and pressed it to his chest, and tried not to notice the way his heart sped up at the action. "The Lady told me that it would get infected if I didn't get it looked at."
There was a moment of quiet then two surges of power. At the sight of Rhysand, with his black hair and purple flecked eyes I couldn't help but flinch. I waited for the brush of those insidious claws.
Daemati. How would I know if my mind were even my own from this moment on?
"You're scared." Azriel sounded a bit dumbfounded. I couldn't keep myself from monitoring the High Lord. He turned, exposing me more fully to the others and I shied away quickly looking to Shadowfax for help. He was watching the scene with one ear pricked forward and the other laid fully back. He huffed slightly and took a few steps back seeming unsure.
"Her face." Mor sounded aghast. I blinked realizing that the second burst of power must have been from her.
"Her back is badly injured, the extent of which I cannot say." Azriel reported quietly. "She's running a fever. Her face seems to be damaged as well as her arms."
"My ribs are broken." I added softly. Azriel stiffened and shifted his hold just a bit.
"There's blood on her legs." Cassian added. Confused by his statement I glanced to my legs, only to see the dark material of my pants wet. I reached out and pressed there, a deep seated ache and burn throbbed up to meet my fingertips. They came away slicked with blood.
"We need to get her to a healer." Rhysand almost sounded like he was giving an order. Mor, at his side, nodded her agreement. When her eyes met mine I flinched slightly away.
The last time I had seen her it had been through Azriel's eyes. He had ached for her then, poured over her elegant features as if he were a starving man staring at a feast. So strong were his impressions of her that they had seemed to transfer slightly to me. Her beauty was unmatched, and the horror and concern that flashed for me in her eyes was devastating.
I looked to Azriel's chest instead, focusing on the criss-cross of leather that was his armor. There were scratches and nicks in the leather, remnants of previous battles no doubt. I knew that I wasn't in the shape for walking, but something about being held helpless in Azriel's arms rubbed me the wrong way.
Being helpless around any of them felt dangerous. Rhysand was a Daemati, Zellos had helped confirm that, and with that possibility came the reality that they could do whatever they wanted and I wouldn't know otherwise. Would I even feel him doing it?
"Rhys, you might want to summon Madja." Morrigan stated her eyes never leaving me.
They were going to take me with them. I had known that, but the reality of it came crashing around me. I would go back to the night court. Relief warred with panic and fear.
"Already done." Rhysand said, glancing around the clearing. "We shouldn't stay too much longer, our presence may be noticed."
"Az, you might have to let Rhysand carry her there." Azriel's arms tightened at Mor's suggestion. Jealousy and rage flickered down the bridge alongside horror and fear. Unease.
I glanced to Azriel's face and was mildly surprised to see no emotion there at all. He simply watched the others with dark eyes. After a moment he nodded at Mor and looked to Rhysand.
They were going to put me in his arms. Would touching me help wipe my mind?
"No." My voice was rough with pain, but it still held enough power to stop them all. "No, I'm not going with you. Put me down."
"No." Azriel's reply was short but offered no room for argument. I made room anyways.
"I am not going with you. Put me down."
"You're seriously injured," Rhysand began in a smooth gentle voice.
"I know what you are now. I know what you've been doing to me." I growled. I shoved at Azriel trying to get him to release me, but the mere motion of it sent my head spinning and stars exploding across my vision.
"What do you mean?" That was Cassian, creeping ever closer.
"Daemati." I spat the name and watched as Rhysand's eyebrows rose in surprise.
"Yes, I am Daemati." Rhysand said, spreading his hands in a gesture of peace. "What do you think happened when you were with us?"
"He said you changed my memoires. Did horrible things to me and made me forget." Now that I said it out loud it seemed far fetched, but I could still remember the scrape of those claws against my mind.
"We would never." Mor sounded aghast.
"That didn't happen." Cassian snapped at the same moment.
"Put me down." I hissed at Azriel preparing myself for the pain that my escape attempt would bring.
"Don't hurt yourself." Azriel slowly put me down, sitting me on the ground with hardly a jostle. He stayed beside me, crouched down with his wings slightly spread for balance. He was so beautiful. It almost hurt to look at him. His eyes were darkened with emotion, something just barely leashed lurked behind his gaze. He looked as if he were moments from snapping and still he was breathtaking.
"We did do you wrong, but not in the way you're implying." Rhysand sighed looking up at the canopy above us. "It was brought to my attention we had been sheltering you far too much. We underestimated you and in doing so caused you harm."
"I'm not going with you." Would it be better to simply be in this forest. Figure out a way to get back on Shadowfax and let him take me somewhere else. Would people want to hurt me there too?
"How can we prove ourselves to you?" Cassian crouched on the other side of me, and for a brief moment I wanted nothing more than to go to him. He had been my friend and protector since I had fallen into this world. I remembered the confusion of waking up in my bed, searching for signs that something more had transpired between us. How could I ever know for certain.
"You're an Illadrin, Nova. You, out of any of us could attain the truth, if you wanted." Azriel's voice was quiet but firm. "Use your powers on me again. Then you'll know the truth."
He trusted me.
Despite everything that had happened Azriel was willing to let me use that strange spiky energy on him again. I shook my head.
"He could make you think you're telling the truth." I glanced to Rhysand cautiously.
"You're right, I could." I had expected Rhysand to be angry at the accusations, but if anything he looked slightly impressed. "Use your power on me, Illadrin. I can't change the landscape of my own mind in that way. Learn the truth, and then decide what to do."
Would that power even work on someone like Rhysand? It was easy to feel the power that spread like a miasma around him. That extra sense that I had gained when I was Made was buzzing with the ethereal feeling of his power.
"I would but…." I glanced down in shame. "I don't know how to make it happen. It just….does."
Rhysand made his way over to my little group moving to crouch next to Cassian, the expensive suit he was wearing crinkling slightly with the movement.
"I know a little about Illadrins." Rhysand admitted. He took a nail and easily sliced open his palm letting the blood collect there. I flinched for him, panic rising at the action. "You'll need my blood." He offered his bloody palm to me. A few crimson droplets fell from the side of his hand, splashing to the grass below.
I swallowed thickly looking at the wounded hand. I wasn't squeamish when it came to blood, but there was something unsettling about Rhysand bleeding for me. Tentatively I reached out, ready to snatch my hand away at a moment's notice. The moment my already bloody fingers met his hand that strange feeling stirred from deep within me. The power was sharp and seemed to be just waiting for me to direct it.
I took a steadying breath and then pushed the power towards Rhysand. For a moment I hit an impenetrable barrier, hard as diamonds and black as night, but just as easily my spiky power wrapped itself in his essence. For a moment I became night. A conduit for things shared in the dark, pleasure as well as pain. Just like that I felt my power slip past his guard and slam home.
Rhysand's purple eyes bled to black, and I felt his body respond to mine. His heartbeat sliding underneath my own until we matched perfectly. An angry presence brushed against his mind, protective and worried, but seemed to pause when it felt me there. With considerable effort on his part Rhysand sent a small comforting feeling toward that presence, a reassurance that he was okay. Then his will lie pliant beneath power powers.
The clearing was absolutely silent. All of them seemed to be holding their breath.
"Rhysand, are you a Daemati?"
"Yes." His tone of voice was soft, almost sounding mesmerized.
"Have you used your power on me?"
"Yes." Fear nearly choked me for a moment, but I forced myself to maintain contact with him. Too vague of a question, pretty traveler. Daemati have many uses of their powers. I blinked at the interruption, but the voices had a point.
"Have you used your powers to change my memories?"
"No." To the side Cassian let out a soft breath.
"Why do you want me to come with you?" Underneath my control Rhysand flexed, pushing at my power. Without thought I pressed down on him as I did Zellos, it felt like trying to shove a mountain back into the ground, but bit by bit he settled beneath my control.
"Multiple reasons." The answer felt evasive and I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're injured and need to be looked at." The answer was easy, but I waited and he spoke again. "You're Azriel's mate, and you have a place in our family if you want it." I waited longer, like my sixth sense I could feel he wasn't done. I pressed a bit. "You're the only known Illadrin in centuries. The line was supposed to be wiped out. I want you to work for me, work for my court to keep my people safe from harm." His voice sounded a bit rough as if he were fighting saying it, but once the information was out the building pressure of his will seemed to relax a bit.
"Would you hurt me?"
"Only if I had to." Rhysand said softly. I nodded, that I understood. He didn't know me that well, if I threatened his court or worse his family I had no doubt he would do anything to keep them safe.
"Is it true that you hurt people under Amarantha's rule?"
Mor to the side sucked in a sharp breath. Rhysand's will bucked under my control, trying to throw me off. I turned inward and slammed against him with everything I had. The struggle turned fierce and instinctively I sank mental claws into him, trying to get him to answer.
"Yes." He gasped. "I did what was needed to keep my family safe."
I had heard the horror stories of what Amarantha had done to the Fae here. I couldn't imagine what he must have gone through. Feyre's trials were bad enough….living with that bitch day in and day out must have taken everything from him. I could feel he would do it again to save them, to save his family. A family he wanted me to be a part of.
"Good." I let go of him, pulling my fingers back. Our intermingled blood shimmered on my fingertips. Rhysand gasped as I let go, his breathing instantly becoming rapid as the black slid from his eyes.
Exhaustion deeper than any I had ever known slid through my veins. It was suddenly hard to hold myself up.
"You're an Illadrin, that's for certain. Nothing else could hold a High Lord like that." Rhysand ran a hand through his midnight hair. "We'll have to work on your control, however, I could have broken through if I wanted. I only struggled a bit to see what would happen."
"Seeing as she was able to get you to tell the truth at all is amazing." Mor said from just beyond Cassian's wings. "Did you really try to lie?"
"Yes," Rhysand chuckled. "So, Nova, will you come with us? You don't have to make any decisions beyond that for today." He promised, watching me closely.
I hesitated and Cassian shifted on the balls of his feet. "You need to see a healer. No one will push you beyond that right now." Cassian assured me.
I glanced around at the concerned faces of the Night Court. I could see how Cassian and Azriel were nearly squirming with wanting to get me somewhere safe. Mor was watching me her eyes flickering over my wounds. She looked haunted, and she had pressed her hands to her lower stomach as if she were hurting there.
Azriel simply watched me.
"Okay," I rasped out, "but only if Shadowfax gets to come too."