Just how many people want to use me in this world? The ground, once unforgiving beneath me felt soft now, and the trees provided ample shade. I wanted nothing more than to lay down and never get back up again. The entirety of me hurt. I had been burned before, my arm forced out while a lighter danced beneath it. The smell of burning hair and the onslaught of heat I had thought was horrible. This, however, was an entirely new level of pain.
I found it hard to focus on the Fae around me, even though I knew what they were saying and doing was important. I couldn't bring myself to care. The bridge in my mind felt more solid than ever, as if being in their mere presence had strengthened it somehow.
"You need to stay awake." My eyes fluttered open to see Azriel and his shadows before me. I frowned at him, when did I close my eyes?
"I'm tired." I told him, my voice sounding distant and slurred. Like I was watching the scene from underwater.
"I know." He reached forward and took my hand, unbothered by the blood there. He felt blissfully cool against my superheated skin. I clutched his hand like the lifeline it was, and something in those dark eyes softened. "You've done well." He told me quietly.
"No, I should have seen. I should have noticed. He was just so nice to me at first." I found myself talking to him struggling to hang onto the moment. "But then….he….he tried to…." The words stuck in my throat as the full horror of the situation finally hit me. It was as if all the bad things had been held back behind a barrier until now.
"Tried to what?" Azriel's voice was soft and compelling. I blinked up at him, tears burning my eyes. I shook my head the motion causing the landscape to whirl around me.
"I don't want to be just some pawn." I breathed giving voice to a different fear.
Azriel's eyes flashed dangerously. "Never." He vowed quietly. "As long as I'm here you will always have a choice in who you help. You will always have a choice in where you go, or who you are with." He leaned closer, the leather and ink scent of him washing over me covering up the scent of sickness, blood, and fear. "You're important to us."
"I don't want to be important because of some ability I have." The tears that had been welling in my eyes finally fell. "I've only ever been wanted for what I can do for people. Is that all I'm worth?"
"Who you are is important." Azriel soothed. I shook my head at his soft and inviting words.
"You don't know me. You never even tried to get to know me. How could you possibly know if who I am is important?"
Azriel sat back a little, his wings adjusting slightly and tucking a bit closer to his back. He watched me for a long moment, his arm still stretched to hold my hand.
"I'll get to know you then." Azriel glanced up at the others, at Rhysand who was beginning to tuck his hands underneath my body to pull me to him. A burst of pain choked my breathing, and caused my hands to spasm.
"Apologies, we'll get you safe and with a healer soon." Rhysand murmured, his eyes flickering to Azriel who still held my hand. For a moment the man looked conflicted, but after a brief span he let go of me watching Rhysand sharply. Something seemed to pass between them and Rhysand chuckled slightly. "I'm going to winnow us now." He told me. "I'm told you've winnowed yourself, which is quite a feat for someone so untrained." There was an appreciative gleam in his eyes as he spoke.
We burst into night incarnate, and slid through the world with it's edges brushing against us. Then it was over and we were in what looked to be a grandiose bedroom. It seemed big, but Rhysand was already setting me carefully upright on the bed.
"About time," a gruff female voice spoke causing me to flinch slightly. "What can you tell me?" The woman was what I had learned to be High Fae, but instead of ageless she looked older. She had dark skin, and very light colored hair that seemed to be blown about by the gentlest of breezes. She had wrinkles, that spoke of many smiles and hardships over her life. Despite the wrinkles her eyes were bright and clear, looking me over with a keen intelligence.
"She's been burned, her face has been banged up pretty badly, as are her ribs. She seems to have saddle sores from riding her horse too long." Rhysand reported in a quiet voice. "She is having trouble staying awake. Azriel managed to get her to stay conscious this time, but with him gone I'm not sure how long she'll stay with us."
"Shoo." The woman said without looking toward Rhysand.
He smiled slightly and turned on heel to leave
"Alright, dear. We're going to have to take off your clothes."
Horror bled my mouth dry of it's moisture. I could almost feel Zellos trying to shove me to the bed, his hands ripping at my top. The lecherous looks of Autumn Court as I was paraded through them, chest bare. My hands began to shake.
A pair of knobbly hands took my own, startling me back to the present.
"You're safe with me, dear." The high fae woman gave me a heartbreakingly kind smile. "Do you need help?"
I shook my head and went to try and pull my borrowed shirt off, only to gasp as the motion pulled at my multiple wounds. She tutted at me and helped me remove my shirt revealing the soiled bandages underneath.
The woman's hands were steady as she unwound the bandages. I bit my lip as it began to tug at my wounds, the scent of sickness and blood clotted on my tongue.
"Who did this to you?" Her voice was hard and flat. It wasn't quite the tone I expected from a healer. Iron and rot pervaded my senses. I shook my head fighting to not gag at the taste. "Your wound is infected." She said after a moment.
I clamped my mouth shut, resisting the urge to cry out. Though the heat was still at my back the rest of me felt strangely cold. Like I had stepped outside naked on a fall day.
"I'm going to need you to lie on your stomach, dear." It was more of a task to move this time, but I managed to lower myself down, wheezing with the effort. My side flared into agony at the movement, still dimmer and less demanding than the sickly heat in my back. I wondered just how broken my ribs were. Zellos hadn't held back when he kicked me. I could almost still feel the solid blow of his foot. The jolt of the unyielding door slamming into my back. Then the heat…..the horrible heat.
"What's your name?" The question brought me back to the present where the healer was mixing something. A pungent scent mixed with the smell of rot and iron.
"Nova." I answered.
"Interesting name, is it common where you come from?" She sprinkled something else into her mortar then continued to crush the herbs.
"Not really." My response was clipped, and I instantly felt guilty for it. I couldn't stomach the thought of my home.
"Here, eat this." The elderly looking fae woman handed me a spoon with the crushed herbs. "Drink this to get it down." She added holding out a glass of water with a different hand. I quickly shoved the spoon into my mouth and nearly gagged at the potent bitter taste. My entire body shuddered as I tried to swallow the wad of mashed plants, but it tried to stick at the back of my throat. Nearly gagging I grabbed for the water, washing it down with a thick swallow.
"That was terrible." I told her honestly, handing back the glass. When she smiled her eyes crinkled and some distant part of me found that very endearing about her. I hadn't seen an elderly looking Fae yet. I wondered how long she had been alive. Perhaps centuries.
"There's worse." She reached out and touched my forehead, frowning at whatever she felt. "You're running a fever." Her tone didn't convey if it was good or bad, but I knew from experience that fever meant bad.
"The infection is getting bad then?"
"It will get worse before it gets better I'm afraid."
There was no warning, a slight touch at the edge of my wound sent a searing reality bending pain through me that had the body soaked in sweat in a matter of seconds. A low groan ripped its way past my teeth. The room spun at the edges and distantly I heard screaming and laughing. Subtly, a sweet tasting coolness brushed over the burn. I felt myself still under its curious brush.
"Try your best to relax, dear. But stay awake." The cool sweet sensation thickened and rolled in the air. Mint shivered through the air. I took in a shaky breath, feeling the room spin. I closed my eyes trying to focus on just laying still.
"None of that." The woman's voice was sharp and I jerked feeling a flash of pain emerge from the movement. I felt….wrong. Too cold. Muddled. The room felt hazy and it took me a good moment to remember where I was. My mouth was laced with a horrible bitter taste, and despite the heavy scent of mint I could still smell something metallic and sickly.
"Hmmm?" I slurred trying to focus on the voice.
"You've caused quite a fuss here lately." Her voice was strong and loud, but casual. My head ached from the sound.
"M'sorry." I muttered. My body was heavy. All I wanted was to sleep.
"You've got our spymaster in quite a tizzy." A sharp jab at my shoulder had my eyes fluttering open once more.
"Azriel?" I didn't want to talk about him. I didn't want to think about him or anything at all really.
"Where was it that you ran off to?"
"I didn't…" The urge to fight her claim rose and passed like a wave. I didn't really care. Not right now. "I was in Autumn."
I wondered what was going on there now. What would the bastard High Lord be doing now that his prize had fled. I wished I could have seen the look on his insufferable face when he was told I was missing. I wondered if the dead look in his eyes had shifted into rage, if only for a moment. I wondered if he blamed Eris, or Zellos.
"What do you think of the Shadowsinger?" Again the woman's voice brought me back to reality.
"I don't."
"Azriel is a good male."
"So I've been told." I answered quietly. "Maybe he is, but he wants nothing to do with me."
The woman tutted softly. "Didn't seem that way to me."
"I don't really want to talk about him."
"I understand." The way the fae elder spoke was patient and soft. "It must be confusing for you."
There was another stretch of time that felt like hours and only minutes.
"Don't sleep just yet." Wearily I lifted my head, feeling as if lead had replaced the blood flowing through my veins. "Almost done for today, then you can rest."
"I'm tired."
"Your body has hit its limit. I'm attempting to heal your worst wound, but it will be days yet before you can do much more than rest."
"What's your name?"
"Madja."
"Thank you for helping me Madja." It was quiet for a moment, the cooling sensation faded as did the heavy smell of mint. Pain burrowed it's way back under my skin, but not nearly as intense as before.
"You're more than welcome. I'm going to make a salve to put on your back, so I'll need you to sit up." Madja spoke as if she knew I would obey. She was right, of course.
I slowly pushed myself up, gasping at the awful movement. My ribs protested every breath and flex of muscle. I eventually got myself sitting up again and watched as Madja worked quickly grinding different herbs into some sort of thick green paste. She moved back behind me and began to smear the goop over my back. I winced with every careful stroke of her fingers. Eventually she stopped and brought out a clean wide bandage that she carefully wrapped around me keeping it tight, but not so tight that it exacerbated my wounds. When she got to my side I hissed at the pressure and she frowned.
"I'll work on that tomorrow as well." She said, giving my arm a slight pat. "For now try your best to rest. I'll be back in the morning."
"What….what do they intend to do with me?" The question slipped out as soon as I had laid back onto my stomach on the bed.
"They intend you to rest. As do I. Though you might have a few visitors knowing that lot." Madja chuckled. "If they bother you too much, threaten them with me. It should get them to leave at least for a bit. I'm going to have the kitchens bring you some food, try to eat as much as you can, dear."
Madja took no time at all in gathering up her equipment. I didn't stay awake long enough to hear her leave.