Good evening. I hope your all ready for the latest audition.

Disclaimer: I do not own Supermansion, any of its characters or any of the characters appearing in this story.

Supermansion Unlimited

"Todays candidate seems to be running late." Robobot observed as the League waited.

"Guess we can cross off super speed or teleportation as their powers." Lex joked.

Suddenly a young baby in overalls walked into the yard. "Hello there little fella," Ranger smiled. "Did you lose your Mommy?"

"How dare imply I need that vile woman to watch over me." He snapped.

"What the hell?" Rexs eyes widened.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Stewart Gilligan Griffin." He smiled. "But you can call me Stewie."

"Your Stewie?" Portia blinked in shock before looking at the resume. "I didn't think you'd be so-"

"Handsome?" Stewie smirked before waving it off. "Oh lots of people make that mistake."

"How old are you?" Rex asked.

"A little over one." Stewie replied.

"Your only a year old?" Lex gasped.

"Indeed. But don't be fooled by my youth, I think find I'm quite accomplished." Stewie assured them.

"So your already potty trained?" Ranger asked.

"Um," Stewie looked away, "not quite But moving on. Now while I don't possess any actual super powers," Stewie admitted. "I have genius intellect like no other!" He took out some papers and handed them out, "heres a list of just some of the incredible inventions I've made."

Lex read them off. "Laser guns, jetpacks, robots, simulation machine, teleportation machine, a shrink ray."

"Literal rocket skies!" Saturn said in amazement. "Awesome!"

"Really?" Robobot looked at him. "You hear teleportation device and shrink ray, but get excited over rocket skies."

"A time machine!" Brad gasped. "Are you serious?"

"Very," Stewie nodded.

"This is incredible." Robobot looked through the list.

"Ah," Cooch couldn't read most of the list so she decided to change the subject. "Have you ever tried being a superhero before?"

"Well, I did have a brief superhero career as Toaster Man." Stewie replied. "But it kind of ran its course."

"I've heard of Toaster Man," Ranger spoke up. "He saved the Presidents breakfast."

"Breakfast?" Black Saturn snorted. "Big deal. Have you ever tangled with a super villain?"

"Oh I assure you, I'm no slouch when it comes to combat." Stewie began. "I'm skilled in hand to hand combat, knifes, guns and explosives. So much so I've defeated terrorists, traffickers, my half brother Bertram's attempt to erase me from time, I even singled headedly defeated Crippletron."

"Who the hell is Crippletron?" Brad raised an eyebrow.

"Long story," Stewie began. "It all started when the fat man bought footie pajamas, that I can only assume were made for a hippo doing a commercial of some sort of commercial."

"Wait, wait a second," Rex cut in. "What do you mean, erase you from existence?"

"Well you see, Bertram used my time machine to go back in time to the Renaissance. So he could kill my ancestor, Leonardo Da Vinci." Stewie said.

"O. M. God!" Lex gasped. "Your related to Leonardo Da Vinci?"

"I know right?" Stewie smiled with excitement. "I'm actually Italian. Which explains my love of spaghettios and smoking on the toilet."

"Gross." Rex said.

"Hold on." Saturn spoke up. "Why the hell did he go back that far, couldn't he have just went back before you were born and killed your Dad?"

"For the first time in history, Saturn actually makes a good point." Robobot said.

"Ah but remember, Bertram is my half brother. So he couldn't have killed the fat man or any recent ancestors on my fathers side. He had to back enough generations to make sure he was snuffing out the ancestral source of my genius without affecting his own." Stewie explained. Which was Leonardo Da Vinci."

"Is that possible?" Portia looked to Robobot, as did everyone else.

"Strange as that sounds, it does track." Robobot confirmed.

"Since your still here," Ranger observed, "I'm guessing you stopped this Bertram?"

"Indeed I did." Stewie smiled. "With an arrow in his skull."

"You killed your own brother?" Rex gasped.

"With a crossbow." Stewie nodded. "Right before I did I asked him whats his favourite bottled water. Mines Arrowhead."

"Nice!" Saturn smiled.

"How could you kill your own brother?" Rex asked.

"Come on man he was trying to kill me!" Stewie exclaimed. "Not to mention he was a total dick."

"Stewie, its undeniable how impressive it is that you were able to create all these things all by yourself and at such a young age." Portia said.

"Oh stop," Stewie smiled.

"But I am a little concerned about some of these." She looked at the list. "Mind Control Device, Carbonite Freeze gun, a weather control device, Hypnotic Control Device, Mass Hypnosis device?"

"The first is for a single person, the other is for extreme numbers of people." Stewie explained.

"Yeah, we figured that much." Robobot said.

"This sounds like a list of a mad scientist." Ranger observed. "Or a super villain."

"Okay look, yes I've done plenty of bad things, but I don't anymore." Stewie said. "At least not as much."

"Hold on," Rex narrowed his eyes, "Have you, killed other people?"

Stewie didn't answered right away. "Maybe."

"Okay I call bullshit on this whole thing." Saturn got out of his seat and stood next to Stewie. "Look at him. Theres no way a weak baby could kill anybody."

"What the deuce!?" Stewie recoiled in shock. "Did you just call me weak? Well hows this for weak!" He jumped up punching Black Saturn in the groin.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Saturn screamed falling to his knees. But Stewie wasn't finished. He jumped again, grabbing onto one of the rings on Saturn's mask and repeatedly punched him in the face. He swung on the ring to kick him a couple of times before winging into the air and brought his elbow down on Saturns face knocking him face onto the dirt. "That's right bitch! You in my house now!"

The League sat their in shock at what they just saw. "Holy shit man." Cooch gasped.

"That baby has some serious rage." Brad said.

"Robobot, please tell me you recorded that?" Lex asked.

"Of course," the robot nodded. "I send you a copy."

"Congratulations Saturn, you've been beaten up by a baby." American Ranger deadpanned.

"As you can see I'm quite astute when it comes to combat." Stewie gloated.

"You say ass flute?" Cooch asked.

"Eww no." Stewie cringed. "I said astute. Though I suppose it can be a bit difficult to understand my accent."

"Accent? Rex raised an eyebrow.

"I've often been told I have a British accent." Stewie smiled.

"That doesn't sound like a compliment." Ranger stated.

"I don't hear it." Lex shrugged.

Stewies eyes widened. "What?"

"Me neither." Portia said.

"Sorry," Brad said.

"I detect no of trace of an accent." Robobot added.

"Damn you all!" Stewie snapped.

"Whoa easy there little fella." Ranger said.

"Don't talk down to me." Stewie pointed at him. "I've created the universe! Just ask Brian, he saw me do it."

"Who the hell is Brain?" Rex asked.

"Brian is my friend. He accompanies me on many of my adventures." Stewie explained.

"So hes like your sidekick?" Ranger asked.

Stewie thought for a moment. "Yeah, yeah hes pretty much my sidekick."

"I'M NOT YOUR SIDEKICK!" Someone out of sight shouted.

"Brian?" Stewie blinked. "Are you ease dropping?"

Brian walked into view. "No. I'm a dog, I have very good hearing."

"Dog!" Cooch jumped out of her seat.

"Fascinating," Robobot tilted his head. "Are another of Stewie's creations?"

"No way," Stewie shook his head. "I could never make that big of a douche."

"Shut up." Brian said before facing the heroes. "No, I'm all natural. Brian Griffin, you've probably heard of me from my book. Faster Than the Speed of Love."

"So we're just ignoring that, created the universe comment?" Robobot asked.

"I've heard of that book." Portia said. "They said it was so bad not only were all copies returned, it turned millions away from reading."

Brian lost his smile. "Oh, well that's a little harsh."

"Yeah, and the only reason it wasn't voted Worst Novel ever Written was cause it didn't qualify as a novel." Lex mentioned.

"Well critics are always negative." He tried to defend his work.

"I once attempted to read that book to gain a better understanding of Humanity." Robobot spoke up. "But after reading a few pages, my systems shut down from the plot holes, un relatable and un inert resting characters, pointless filler-"

"F*** you!" Brian snapped. "What do you know about writing?"

"Judging from your book, a lot more than you do." Robobot quipped.

"Burn!" Saturn pushed himself up.

"Hey I'm a serious writer!" Brian snapped.

"Then why do you write that phoney self help book?" Portia asked. "Wish It, Want It, Do It."

"Uh," Brian tried to think of a response.

"I thought you looked familiar." Rexs eyes widened. "You were on Real Time with Bill Maher."

"Would have figured the fact he was a dog that talked would have made you remember seeing him before." Robobot said.

"Hey I've seen lots of things talk that shouldn't talk in my time." Rex said before narrowing his eyes at Brian. "They kept pointing out all the flaws and crap in your book until you cracked and admitted you wrote it in a day and even you thought it was crap."

"I saw that!" Saturn got to his feet. "He totally wet himself and got chased off stage. Hold on I'll find the video," he took out his phone.

Brians eyes widened, "ah theres no need to-"

"Found it!" Saturn interrupted and held up his phone to the others.

"Look just tell me what you want me to say!" Brian begged.

"Ben hes urinating." Arianna pointed out.

"Oh s***." Dana cringed in disgust.

"That's it." Bill slammed a newspaper on the table. "Outside! No, no, no! Outside! Outside Now!" Brian barked while running off stage on all fours. "Outside! You get outside!"

"Dear God man." Ranger shook his head. "Have you no respect for yourself?"

"I can't believe you wet yourself on live TV." Lex cringed.

"I can't believe Saturn watches Real Time with Bill Maher." Robobot said.

"Oh I don't." Saturn put his phone away. "Was just channel surfing while I was waiting for Europes Funniest Nut Shots to start."

"That I believe." The robot deadpanned.

"Get outta here!" Cooch yelled. "No dogs allowed!"

"Hey back off!" Brian snapped. "It's a free country." He took out his flask but Cooch knocked it out of his hand. "What the hell!"

"Sorry, thought you had a gun." Cooch said.

Brian picked up the flask only to find all the booze had dripped out. "You know what? I'm sorry."

"For what?" Cooch asked.

"For this!" He swung a fist at her, but she leaned back to dodge it before kicking him in the face and knocking him to the ground.

"That might have gone better if you hadn't yelled, for this!" Stewie pointed out.

Brian got to his feet and raised his fists. "That's it! You wanna go bitch? Then bring it!" He growled before running at Cooch and tried to bite her. But she easily dodged him and punched him in the face before she began fiercely slashing him with her claws.

The rest of the league were all yelling to stop when Brad grabbed her from behind to pull the cat off of the dog. "Cooch its okay! Its over!"

Brian had many claw marks across his whole body and groaned in pain. "You know what?" Stewie spoke up. "Theres a pussy joke here somewhere but for the life of me I can't think of one."

"I think I need to go to the hospital." Brian groaned.

"Wait a second," Cooch sniffed the air. "Aw man, I think he shit himself."

"No I didn't!" Brian snapped before sniffing the air. "Oh Stewie you didn't."

"I got scared when everybody started screaming." He admitted.

"Oh God I can smell it from here." Lex covered her nose.

"Come on its diaper. They smell bad get over it." Stewie rolled his eyes. "But speaking of which, little help?" Everyone who wasn't setting down took a step back. "Oh come on." Stewie exclaimed. "Ms Jones your all about helping people. Help a baby out?"

"Oh hell no." Portia shook her head.

"Blast you vile woman!" Stewie snapped.

"What the hell did you just call me!?" Portia stood up.

"Noting!" Stewie held his hands up out his fear. Then his eyes widened, "Uh oh, second arrival."

"Oh Jesus he crapped himself again." Robobot realised.

"Seriously someone needs to take care of this, before we can talk about my joining." Stewie pointed out. "I'm gonna get a rash."

"That wont be necessary." Rex flew out of his chair and landed in front of him. "Stewie you- Oh Christ!" Rex held his nose. "Smells like rotting corpses."

"Oh thank you for making me more self conscious." Stewie glared at him.

"The point is you are not joining the League of Freedom." Rex declared.

"What?" The baby gasped. "Why not?"

"First, your a baby. No way letting you join is legal." Rex pointed out. "Second, you've clearly got a dark side and have admitted to murdering people."

"Hey I had good reason for most of them." Stewie defended. "Well, half of them."

"Finally, you literally just crapped yourself, twice." The Subtopian said. "Even Black Saturns never done that."

"That's right." Saturn crossed his arms smugly.

"No he just pukes a lot." Robobot said. "He couldn't even do the slow space walk without losing his lunch."

"Hey!" Saturn said.

Rex shook his head. "Sorry Stewie, but your not League material."

"Is that right?" Stewie narrowed his eyes at the Subtopian. "You think I'm not good enough? Well Damn you all!" Stewie snapped. "How good is THIS!" He pulled out a hand gun and fired, but the bullet bounced of Rexs chest and hit Stewie in the foot. "AAAHHHHH!" He dropped the gun and held his foot.

"Yeah," Rex put his hands on his hips. "I'm bullet-proof."

"Oh yeah?" Stewie grit his teeth. "Then I guess I'll have to try HARDER!" He pulled out a laser gun a and fired. But like the bullet, the blast bounced off Rexs chest and into his foot. "GOD DAMN IT!"

"Incredible." Robobot scanned. "The laser hit exact same spot as the bullet."

"Stewie are you alright?" Brian asked.

"DO I LOOK ALIRIGHT!?" The baby shouted back.

"This is weird even by League standards." Lex observed.

"I already called an ambulance." Portia Portia put her phone away. "It'll be here a couple of minutes. Hey where did he go?" They all looked to see Stewie was gone.

"Ugh," Cooch sniffed the air. "He close. That shitty diapers a dead give away."

Suddenly Stewie returned in a small hover vehicle with a drill on the front. "Don't be alarmed. This is just a DRILL!" He pressed a button and the drill began spinning as he drove at Rex. The Subtopian just looked bored and reached out, grabbing the drill with his titanium hand stopping it instantly. This caused the rest of the hover vehicle to spin around instead. "AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Stewie screamed as he spun around. "Someone help!"

"Should, we do something?" Ranger asked.

"I kinda wanna see what happens next." Brad said.

"Oh God I'm gonna puke!" Stewie cried before he began to barf as he spun, some of it hitting Brian in the face.

"ARGH!" He wiped it out of his eyes.

Stewie managed to unbuckled his seatbelt and was thrown from the hover vehicle before landing on his face. Rex pressed a button and it stopped spinning. "You done now?"

"That's all you have to say?" Brian got to his feet. "I should call the cops on you so called superheroes."

"On what charges?" Robobot asked.

"Assault." Brian said.

"You both attacked first," Robobot pointed out. "So what we did was self defence."

"Animal cruelty." Brian gestured to himself.

"Cooch is a cat and you are a dog. This was an animal attacking another animal. That's just nature." The robot countered.

"It wasn't so much a fight as was an ass kicking." Lex pointed out.

"Yeah well," Brian thought for a second. "Defamation of character."

"Your whole character is a giant defecation." Robobot quipped.

"BURN!" Saturn shouted as the others laughed.

"SHUT UP!" Brian yelled.

"What are you gonna do? Write another shitty book and read it to us?" Rex challenged. "Now sit."

Brian narrowed his eyes at him. "The f*** did you just say to me?"

"I said," Rex held the hover vehicle with both hands before easily crushing it into a ball of scrap metal, "sit." Brians eyes widened and he sat down right away. "That's what I thought." He tossed the scraps aside. "Now this audition is over and I think its time for both of you to leave."

"Well then I guess that's it Lets go Brian." Stewie and Brain stood up before they both walked away. "Oh, there is one more thing." Stewie stopped and turned around. "I've got one more catchphrase. Victory shall be mine!" He held up a high tech grenade. A pressed a button and it started flashing before throwing it at Rex, who swatted it away with his titanium hand. It landed underneath a prius which was blown to pieces when the grenade exploded.

"MY CAR!" Brian shouted.

"You drive a prius?" Ranger raised an eyebrow. "Looks like Rex did you a favour."

"Ha!" Saturn laughed. "Its funny when its someone else's car."

Stewie looked at the burning wreckage. "I'm ah, just gonna wait for the ambulance. Come on Brian." With that he limped away.

"I swear to God if I wasn't in so much pain, I would kick your ass Stewie." Brian followed him.

The Heroes were silent for a few moments until Rex broke it. "They can't sue us for anything can they?"

"No." Robobot shook his head. "Legally speaking all injuries and damages were either in self defence or they're own doing."

"Good." Rex smiled.

(HERO DENIED)

Stewie is more mad scientist than superhero. Plus Brian is definitely his sidekick. Speaking of Superheroes, how awesome is Young Justice Outsiders? We waited a long time for it and it hasn't dissapointed.