WARNING! If you have never seen Archer, then brace yourselves cause this chapter contains some crazy stuff and I mean REALLY CRAZY! Lets say this is set near the end of Season 7.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supermansion, any of its characters or any of the characters appearing in this story.
Supermansion Unlimited
"Another late applicant." Rex sighed.
"Its not like the mansions hard to find." Brad pointed out.
Suddenly a man in a suit walked in eating a burrito. "I'm here."
"Archer I presume?" Rex asked.
"Sterling Archer," he smirked. "The worlds greatest spy."
"That doesn't sound like something you should go around telling people." Robobot pointed out.
Archer raised an eyebrow, "then why bother?"
"Makes sense to me." Saturn said.
"What time do you call this solider?" Ranger asked.
"Ah," Archer looked at his watch, "3:09pm."
"Your appointment was a 2pm." Rex said. "Your over an hour late."
"Hey its not my fault the line was so long." Archer took a bite of his burrito. "Man, you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a place that was still making breakfast burritos."
"Considering places stopped serving breakfast over four hours ago, I think we can imagine." Portia said.
"Lets move on." Rex said. "So you're part of a secret spy agency?"
"Well I used to part of ISIS." This made everyone gasp. "Not that ISIS!" Archer corrected. "We were a spy agency way before those terrorist dicks stole our name."
"So what kind of spy stuff did you do?" Cooch asked.
"Oh you know, travelled the world, went undercover, while charming many beautiful women." Archer smiled.
"Combat experience?" Robobot asked.
"Hmm, I'd have to say a shit tone." Archer held his arms out. "I fought KGB, terrorists, ninjas, sexy ninjas, mercenaries, double agents, cyborgs, pirates and space pirates."
"Did you say space pirates?" Lex asked.
"There was a mutiny on the international space station." Archer said casually.
"Wonder why we weren't called about that?" Rex wondered out loud.
"Hey that reminds me. I've already got an arch enemy." Archer realised.
"The space pirates?" Cooch asked.
"No, they're all dead." Archer shook his head. "I'm talking about Barry the Bionic Ducehbag Dillon."
Saturn raised an eyebrow, "bionic?"
"The KGB turned him into a cyborg." Archer began. "Then he killed my fiancé at our wedding, took over the KGB, killed the former leader who turned him into a cyborg, crashed my wedding and stole my fiancé, tried to kill me like three times and kidnapped my mother."
"Damn dude." Cooch said.
"You know," Rex spoke up. "Sometimes a person unknowingly creates their own arch enemy."
"Like how you slept with Dr Devizos wife, driving him insane and seeking revenge." Robobot pointed out.
"Thank you Robobot," the Subtopian glared at him before turning to Archer. "Can you think of anything you might have done to this Barry to make him hate you so much?"
"Ah," Archer thought for a moment.
Flashback
Barry falling off a balcony in Berlin.
Barry walking in on Archer and Framboise having sex.
Barry falling off a fire escape.
Barrys ship getting destroyed, leaving him stranded on the space station.
Barry being shot by explosive shotgun rounds, then being blown up in the grain elevator.
Present Time
"Nope, nothing I can think of." Archer shrugged. "Look I'm perfect for this team." He took out his flask. "I mean, at the very least I'd bring some desperately needed style."
"I beg your pardon?" Ranger gestured to his costume. "I'm wearing the colours of this great country."
"Yeah, I'm sure when Betsy Ross made the American flag she hopped a guy in an eagle hat would wear it." Archer chuckled.
Suddenly Rex shivered. "Dad whats wrong?" Lex asked.
"I don't know." He looked around. "Its like some terrible evil force is coming. Something worse than anything I've ever faced in my entire life of fighting supervillans."
"Wow," Archer chuckled. "Sounds like your describing my-"
"STERLING!"
"Oh God Damn it." Archer groaned as Mallory walked in.
"Sterling Mallory Archer," she approached her son.
"Mother what are you doing here?" Archer asked.
"What do you think!?" Mallory snapped at him "When Carol told me you'd run off to join a team of superheroes, I'd thought she was just drifting further and further away from what little sanity she had left."
"Hold on a second," Saturn spoke up. "Your middle name is Mallory?" Everyone chuckled.
"Shut up." Archer glared at him before turning to his mother. "So what if I am?"
"I didn't raise you to prance around wearing tights." Mallory said.
"Okay A, you didn't raise me, Woodhouse did." Archer pointed out. "And B, I was never going to wear tights! I was going to wearing either my suit or my black turtleneck." Archer said.
"Ahem," they turned their attention to the League, mainly Portia. "So your Archers mother?"
"Mallory Archer," she introduced herself. "Former spy master."
"Pleasure to meet you Mrs Archer." Ranger nodded.
"Oh its Ms." Mallory smiled.
Archer gave her a look, "really?"
"Shut up." She glared at him, "and you are not joining this team. I've already had to bail you out of trouble enough times in your life and I am not rescuing you from supervillains."
"When have I ever needed rescuing?" Archer asked.
"Lets see," Mallory began counting them off. "The police, your boarding schools, the FBI, the CIA, Interpol, and the Canadian Mounties. Not to mention that time you bought not one but TWO time shares!"
"What kind of idiot buys two time shares?" Rex laughed.
"Even Staturns not that dumb." Brad said.
"Yeah." Black Saturn smirked. While everyone waited for him to realise he was just insulted, Mallory and Archer kept arguing.
"How you turned out like this, I'll never know." Mallory said.
"Hmm," Archer placed a hand under his chin, "maybe it has something to do with the fact I never had a father. Because you've slept so many, MANY different men, most of whom were married, that you haven't the slightest idea who my father actually is!"
"Well this got uncomfortable fast." Portia said.
"I have a reasonable idea of who it could be!" Mallory snapped. "Besides you had nothing to complain about. I made sure you had the best of everything, not that you every appreciated any of it."
"Will you stop nagging me!" Archer exasperated. "Have you bin taking lessons from-"
"ARCHER!"
"God damn it." Archer sighed as Lana walked in. "Why are you here?"
"I'm here to ask why you didn't show up to our daughters parent teacher conference at Pre Pre like you were supposed to!" She snapped at him.
"I never agreed to that." Archer said.
"Yes you did!" Lana shot back.
"Well I clearly didn't mean it!" He snapped.
"Typical Archer." Lana rolled her eyes. "Never owns up to his promises or his responsibilities."
"Shut up." Archer said.
"Out of curiously." Robobot spoke up. "How did you get out of two time shares?"
"Fortunately the owner was reasonable." Mallory explained, "an quite limber."
"AAGGGHHH!" Archer screamed and covered his ears. "I don't want to hear this! AAHHH!" He stopped screaming when Lana smacked him in the back of the head.
"Will you shut up!" She snapped. "And its not like the apple fell from the screwing around tree."
"Whats that supposed to mean?" Archer asked.
"Besides the fact you're a self centred, cheating, asshole who thinks the universe revolves around his dick?" She glared at him.
"Oh Yeah?" Archer challenged. "We if I'm such a screw up, why'd you steal my sperm?"
Rangers eyes widened. "Wait, stole your what?"
"Nothing," Lana said quickly.
"Lana broke into a doctors office where I'd frozen some sperm and stole it, then artificially inseminated herself with it." Archer explained.
The League all had expressions of shock on their faces. "You stole ex boyfriends sperm so you could have his baby?" Rex said in disbelief. "That is the saddest and most desperate thing I have ever heard."
"I try not to judge people." Portia said. "But you have issues."
"That is one baby crazy bitch." Cooch said.
"Right." Archer said.
"You know," Lana glared at him.
"Well they're not wrong." Mallory spoke up. "I mean if the extra large gloves fit."
"Mallory, it was your idea!" Lana snapped.
"Prove it." Mallory said.
"Both of you shut up! Neither of you should be here!" Archer snapped. "Whats next, the rest of the idiots show up?"
"You rang?"
"What!?" Archer gasped as Cyril, Ray, Pam, Cheryl and Krieger walked in. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"We were bored doing nothing at the office." Pam shrugged.
"That and Krieger's newest Pigley died and we needed to let the place air out." Ray said.
"Damn it Krieger!" Mallory snapped. "I thought I told you no more radioactive pigs!"
"I'll have you know Pigley Seven was not radioactive." Krieger put his hands on his hips. "He was genetically modified."
"Is that why burst into flames?" Ray asked.
Krieger paused for a moment, "maybe?"
"HEY!" Rex shouted over them to get their attention.
"Hello." Cyril waved.
"Who are you people?" The Subtopian asked.
"Cyril Figgis," he stepped forward. "Founder and lead investigator of the Figgis Agency." Everyone rolled their eyes at his attempt at gloating. "This is Lana Kane, Pam Poovey, Ray Gillette, Dr Krieger and Cheryl Tunt."
"AAAAHHHHHH!" Saturn screamed before jumping behind Brad.
"Ah, what are you doing?" He asked.
"I recognise that crazy bitch." Saturn pointed at Cheryl. "Shes a Tunt!"
Cooch raised an eyebrow, "a what now?"
"They're a family that's as rich as they are bat shit crazy!" Saturn said.
"Tunt? I know that name." Ranger thought for a moment until his eyes widened. "Cornelius Tunt!"
Lex blinked, "who?"
"Dear God Lex, what did they teach you in school? Cornelius Tunt built almost all the railroads throughout this country." Ranger explained.
"Do I know you?" Cheryl asked Black Saturn.
"My family had dinner with yours and you tried to set me on fire." He said.
"Yeah, your gonna have to be more specific." Cheryl shrugged.
"You burned the whole restaurant down!" Saturn snapped.
"I said MORE SPECIFIC!" She snapped back.
Lexs eyes widened. "Your Cherlene!"
Rex raised an eyebrow, "who?"
"Cherlene, the Queen of Country Music. She was this up and coming country music star whose first album went big." Lex explained. "But I heard there was some kind of fire at the country music awards and she just kinda disappeared."
"Yeah, I have no idea what your talking about." Cheryl said.
"Searching for Cherlene the Queen on Country Music." Robobot brought up a holo screen of Cheryl as Cherlene playing the guitar.
"That's not me." She said.
"But," Lex between her and the picture.
"Don't bother," Ray shook his head. "She can't remember any part of that whole Summer."
"How do you forget an entire Summer?" Portia asked.
"Did she over do it on the drugs?" Brad asked.
"No more than she usually takes." Krieger shrugged as Cheryl opened a bottle of glue and sniffed it.
"Ah hate to interrupt but I think your robots broken." Pam pointed to Robobot who wasn't moving.
"Robobot?" Rex shook his shoulder but got no response. "Are you okay?"
"Hey now that he can't hear us," Archer spoke up. "How sure are you that your robots gonna try and overthrow humanity?"
Cyril pinched the ridge of his nose, "not this again."
"It's a serious issue Cyril!" Archer snapped.
"Allow me!" Krieger took a screwdriver from his lab coat. "I'm a professional."
"Krieger that's a thirteen billion dollar war machine." Cyril pointed out. "Not one of your sex robots."
"Wait what?" Rex blinked.
"Pssh, potato paboto." Krieger waved it off before leaning towards Robobot with the screwdriver to his face, before a metal hand grabbed his wrist.
"Don't you f***ing dare." Robobot said before rapidly punching him in the face, then punched him in the throat. Krieger grasped his throat as he struggled to breath before falling to the ground.
"Robobot, what just happened?" Lex asked.
"I received an email from the CIA." Robobot said.
"The CIA?" Portia raised an eyebrow.
"It was so large I needed a couple of minutes to process it." He explained. "Its from someone called, Slater."
Lanas eyes widened, "oh no."
"It reads as follows:"
Attention League of Freedom.
First off, thank you for your years of service defending this country. Especially you Titanium Rex, I was actually big fan of yours when I was a kid. So I felt a professional and moral obligation to warn you. SAY AWAY FROM THOSE ASSHOLES!
They are the worst group of drunken, incompetent, sex crazy, f*** ups the world has ever seen and that is not an exaggeration.
Not only was their joke of a spy agency illegally conducting espionage operations for years with no authority or permission from the United States Government, which was treason by the way, but they f***ed up ever mission they ever had.
"It wasn't ever mission." Archer said. "Two out of three tops."
If you don't believe me, just take a look at this records of all their crimes.
Robobot displayed a holoscreen that began loading a list of crimes. Suddenly a bullet flew through the holo screen, bouncing off Robobots head and hit Black Saturn in the arm.
"ARGH!" Saturn gripped his arm in pain.
Everyone looked to see Archer holding his gun. "Did you just try to shoot me so we wouldn't see all the crimes you've committed?" The robot asked.
Archers eyes looked to the side for a moment. "No." He fired again but the bullet bounced off Robobot and hit Staturns leg.
Saturn fell to the ground. "God Damn it!"
"Will you STOP THAT!" Lana smacked Archer in the back of the head.
"Bullets don't work on robots and cyborgs." Cyril said. "What about this concept is so hard for you to understand?"
"Shut up!" Archer snapped.
"You okay Saturn?" Cooch asked.
"Do I look okay!?" Saturn snapped.
Cooch didn't respond for a moment, "no?"
"Hey!" Pam called out. "Were you related to a guy named Brett by any chance?"
"Dear God." Rex watched as the list of crimes continued to load. "That might be more crimes than I've seen in seventy years of being a superhero."
"Murder, theft, buying stolen goods, transporting stolen goods, smuggling Mexicans across the border." Ranger read the list. "Fake hydrogen bomb threats?"
"That was just one of us." Lana glared at Mallory.
"Shut up," she said.
"Assassinations, destruction of property, arson." Brad read on. "Defiling a corpse? Crimes against man, nature and God?"
"Okay those last ones were all Krieger." Cyril pointed at him.
"Running a cocaine cartel?" Lex blinked.
"Running into the ground was more like it." Ray said.
"That's a funny story actually." Pam began. "See the CAI posed as the FBI and raided our office which is when we found out we were committing treason the whole time. So Ms Archer made a deal we'd get immunity from everything if we sold a ton of cocaine for them."
"What?" Rex gasped.
"We didn't know it was for the CIA at the time." Lana said.
"Why in Gods name would the CIA want you to sell cocaine?" Ranger asked.
"So they could buy arms from Iran to give to a dictator in San Marcos so he could fight the Rebels who were the CIA in the first place all so they could spend their annual budget and ask for an increase next year." Krieger explained while rubbing his throat.
The League all looked at them in shock.
"I know what your thinking, but turns out selling cocaine is actually a lot harder then you'd think." Archer said.
"You got any left?" Brad asked.
"No!" Mallory snapped. "Because these idiots either," points to Archer, "gave it away," Points to Pam, "ate it," points at Krieger "and blew it up!"
"Did you say ate it?" Cooch asked.
"Yeah," Archer nodded. "Pam literally ate, hold on." He thought for a moment. "Yeah literally ate half a ton of it."
"How can you eat half ton of cocaine and still be alive?" Lex asked in disbelief.
"I cannot calculate any possible way any human could survive that." Robobot said.
"Human is debateable." Mallory said.
"Inapropes," Pam glared at her.
"Anyway, I hear theres a new bar that you sit in a Jacuzzi and they bring you your drinks. Either you care to join me?" He flirted with Lex and Portia, "or maybe both of you?"
"Are you serious!?" Lana snapped. "I'm standing right here!"
"Yeah, I can see that Lana." Archer glared at her, "and I seem to recall you were the one who called for us to take a break."
"A break?" Lex blinked. "Who are you, Ross and Rachel from Friends?"
"No spoilers!" Ranger said. "I'm only up to season 3."
"I called for the break because you are obsessed with Veronica Dean." Lana snapped.
"Oh God. Not again. Shut up already!" The rest of the Figgis Agency all groaned at hearing this again.
"She kissed me!" Archer snapped.
"And yet as soon as the break starts when hit on the first whores you see!" Lana snapped back.
"Excuse me?" Portia stood up.
"Who are you calling a whore huge hands?" Lex glared at her.
"My hands are not that big." Lana said.
"Bitch my hand is made of metal and its still not as big as yours." She pointed out.
"Suck it." Cheryl mocked.
"Shut up," Lana glared at her.
"What do you from me Lana?" Archer asked.
"For starters, how about you try not being a giant asshole?" Lana glared at him. "Its not that hard."
"Phrasing." Pam said.
"Heyooh!" Cyril added.
"Ahem!" Rex got their attention. "We're gonna have to arrest you."
"Arrest us?" Archers eyes widened, "for what?"
"We're superheroes, we catch criminals." The Subtopian pointed out, "and you people are clearly criminals."
"Actually." Cyril stepped forward. "Thanks to two separate deals negotiated with the CIA, we've been granted immunity from all crimes that may have bin committed before hand."
"Yeah, that doesn't include crimes committed after you were black listed." Robobot pointed out.
"Dukes." Rays eyes widened.
"Couldn't you look the other way just once?" Mallory smiled. "For old times sake?"
"Old times?" Rex raised an eyebrow. "But we just met."
"WHAT!?" Mallory shouted. "I thought you were just playing coy, but you actually don't remember me?"
"Ah, should I?" Rex asked.
"Mallory Archer? San Francisco, forty years ago." Mallory said but Rex just raised an eyebrow. "Are f***ing joking? We invented the ariel bombardment!"
"The what?" Ranger asked.
"Its when you have sex with someone who can fly." Ray explained. "They fly you up into the air out of sight and you hold on tight while your doing it."
"How do you know that?" Lana asked.
"Because I've lived." Ray replied.
"Sploosh." Pam said.
"Wait a minute." Rex narrowed his eyes. "I did invent that move. But it was forty two years ago and was with an English woman in London. She was a loud one, surprised no one on the ground could hear her."
"Urgh," Lex covered her mouth so she wouldn't throw up.
"You son of a BITCH!" Mallory snapped. "Do you know how long it took for that titanium hand print to finally fade? It was great fun trying to explaining to my dates why I had a hand shaped birth mark on my ass!"
"Please stop." Archer begged.
"Yeah well," Rex tried to think of an excuse.
"Hes your Dad!" Pam suddenly spoke up.
"Wait what?" Archer gasped.
"He could be your Dad." Pam said. "How cool would it be to have a superhero for a Dad?"
"If he is your Dad, then this apple fell so far from the tree it fell off a mountain." Cyril quipped.
"Wait!" Lexs eyes widened. "You mean this asshole could be my brother? Okay, now I really am gonna throw up."
"Everybody shut up." Archer snapped. "Hes not my Dad! I mean, Mother?"
"No hes not your father you ass!" His mother snapped at him. "This was years before you were even born." She faced Rex, "you just missed out on what would have bin the best night of your life again.
"Couldn't be that good if I don't remember you." Rex shrugged.
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Mallory screamed as she charged at Rex who grabbed her wrists to hold her back.
"God damn it!" Rex said. "Robobot, a little help here!"
"HUMANITY FOREVER!" Archer screamed as he ran at Robobot, who threw his fist up into Archers face.
With that the Figgis Agency attacked the League of Freedom, except for one.
"Shoo! Shoo! Shoooo! Shoooom!" Krieger did his bizarre moves away from the fight.
"Alright you crazy bitch." Saturn took out his blow dart gun. "Lets see how you handle 1,500 cc's of Saturn Serum." He shot a dart, but it flew past Cheryl and hit Pam, who had jumped onto Brads back.
"Ow!" Pam pulled the dart out of her neck.
"Oh do me!" Cheryl clapped her hands. "Do me! Do me! Do me!"
"Gladly!" Black Saturn shot another dart, but he missed again and hit Pam.
"Ow!" He shot her again, "Damn it!" Hit her again, "Son of bitch!"
"Whose been f***ing with my blow gun!?" Saturn snapped before throwing it to the ground. "Fine! What have you got?"
Cheryl pulled out two knitting needles. "Just these two sharp tungsten needles!" She cackled madly as she ran after Saturn who ran away screaming.
Cyril was running away when he tripped, but found Archers gun on the ground. "Show some dignity man." American Ranger approached him.
Cyril got to his feet and fired. "SURPESSING FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRRREEE!" When he ran out of bullets he opened his eyes to see Ranger was completely fine as every shot had missed.
Ranger looked himself over in surprise before facing Cyril. "You know when firing a gun," he punched Cyril in the face and knocked him to the ground, "it helps to keep your eyes open."
Ray stood before Portia. "Easy," he held his hands up defensively. "I am not stupid enough to pick a fight with superheroes. Big fan of your show by the way."
"Thank you." Portia smiled as they both turned to watch everyone else fight. "This escalated quickly."
"I wish I could say this wasn't normal for us." Ray sighed. "I really do."
"That's unnerving." Portia said, "but not as much as that."
"Shoo! Shoo! Shoooo! Shoooom!" Krieger passed them.
"Yeah we really need to do something about him." Ray sighed.
"I know a couple of good therapis-GAH!" She was cut off when Krieger karate chopped her face.
"Oh sorry!" He said. Portia didn't respond, instead she put on her bracelet and became Zenith. "Uh oh." He turned and tried to run away, but Zenith fired a beam from her staff that caught him and she then threw him across the yard where he fall on one of the tables and broke it.
Lex was grappling with Lana. "Jesus your hands are huge."
"They are not that big!" Lana snapped. They broke away and Lana tried to roundhouse kick her in the head. But Lex caught her foot, "oh shit."
"By the way," Lex flew up off the ground and spun around before throwing Lana across the yard where she crashed into Cyril. "The hooker boots are tacky."
"LANA!" Archer pushed himself up.
"Lana!" Mallory mocked as she kept trying to attack Rex. "Typical."
"Oh to hell with this." Rex snapped before pushing Mallory back and punching her in the face and knocking her to the ground.
"MOTHER!" Archer shouted.
"Dad, you just punched an old lady." Lex gasped.
"Yeah but your hes like super old two." Cheryl said as she chased Saturn, "So it balances out." She was then hit in the face by a Saturn Ring. "Mmmm, that's the stuff."
"AAAAHHHH!" Archer charged at Rex with his fist pulled back. The subtopian raised his titanium hand to block the punch. "OW!" Archer shook his pained hand. Rex punched him across the face, then in the gut before upper cutting him with his titanium hand. Archer flew across the yard and hit the ground next to where Pam and Brad were fighting.
"Damn," Pam blinked. "That looked like it hurt." Brad reached up, grabbed her and threw her into Cheryl.
Cooch leapt at Ray he dodged each of her pounces. "Damn dude, how'd you move that fast?"
"I have bionic legs." Ray said simply, he was then sucker punched by Black Saturn.
"HA!" He laughed, "what else you got!"
Ray glared at him. "I also have a bionic hand!" With that he punched Saturn threw the air and crashed into the windshield of Archers car.
"MY CAR!" Archer shouted.
"Great," Mallory rolled her eyes, "now you can spend even more money fixing it."
"THAT'S IT!" Archer got to his feet and ran at Rex before jumping to kick him. Rex side stepped the kick and swung his titanium fist upwards. Archers eyes widened as the metal fist collided with his groin. He fell to the ground holding his crotch while gasping for air.
"You all done yet?" The subtopian asked.
"Yeah," Lana picked herself up. "I think we're done."
"By the way," Ray spoke up, "you might wanna sterilise your metal hand."
Later at the Figgis Agency
"Well," Mallory poured herself a drink. "That was a new kind of disaster."
"Super Disaster!" Cheryl sniffed some glue.
"Speaking of which," Pam spoke up, "why aren't we in jail? I mean we were arrested by superheroes."
"Lets just say I knew a secret a certain senator didn't want revealed to his wife." Mallory explained.
"Was the secret that you slept with him?" Lana asked.
"Shut up." Mallory glared at her.
"But I think we can all agree this, like pretty much everything, is Archers fault." Ray said.
"How was that my fault?" Archer asked sitting in a chair with a bag of ice on his crotch."
"This never would have happened if you hadn't tried to join that ridicules group of freaks in the first place." Mallory snapped. "Just look what they did to us."
"Yeah I don't know what kind of energy she hit me with," Krieger spoke up, "but I still have an erection."
"Eww," every moved away from him.
"Well lets just look at the silver lining." Cyril said.
Mallory raised an eyebrow, "which is?"
"Archer getting punched in the groin by a big metal fist." Cyril chuckled.
"Cyril you-OW!" Archer tried to get up but was struck with pain. "Damn it. Look this is Slater's fault. This never would have happened if he never sent that email. I hope that dick is captured by a terrorist group right now."
CIA Headquarters
"Happy Birthday Dear Slater!" A room full of agents with party hats on sang as Slater himself stood before the birthday cake. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!" Slater blew out the candles and everyone cheered.
"Thanks everybody." He smiled.
"Oh its just getting started." Hawley blew a party blower. "We have a very special guest here just for you."
"Who?" Slater asked as the door opened and his eyes widened, "Titanium Rex!"
"That's right," the Subtopian smiled. "I wanted to come by to wish you a happy birthday and personally thank you for your email warning me about those assholes."
"My pleasure. But you probably would have figured out what he f*** ups they are." Slater said.
"Yeah, I was getting a pretty clear picture of it." Rex nodded. "Anyway, I wouldn't be a very good guest if I didn't bring a present." He held up a flash drive and handed it to Hawley. "Could you put it up on the big screen?"
Moments later everyone was laughing was they watched footage of The League Freedom beat the crap out of the Figgis Agency.
"Ranger was right in front of him." Rex took a bite of birthday cake. "How the hell did he miss?"
"No idea." Haley shook his head.
"Oh heres the best part!" Slater said as Rex punched Archer in the groin, making him fall to the ground and gasp for air.
"I took the blond guys advice and sterilised my titanium hand." Rex said.
"Best birthday present ever." Slater smiled.
(HERO DENIED)
How crazy have the last couple of Seasons of Archer been? Hope you all enjoyed the chapter.