Chapter 20

Disclaimer: rape mention.

[15 Minutes until Team 7 returns]

"Ok", she began counting the rules with her fingers "no talking to the kids. Don't scare them no matter how annoying they are being to you. If you have-"

"That'ss enough."He hissed, "We've waiting for those kids for three hours! We've had thiss talk over five times. Just sshut up!"

" Well sssorry. Why are you sspeaking like that, misster" She mocked. "Ssss." Just in case he hadn't got it the first three times.

" I am hissing because I'm speaking in the ssnake's tongue so no other human understands." He shot back. "Can you calm down now?"

" WELL, I didn't know because, guess what?, I understand animals. No. Matter. What!"

"Calm down, why the fuck are you like thiss?" He tightened against her shoulders to the point moving her arms hurt a little, not like she cared. She was too distraught to feel pain.

"Because I'm stressed! They were supposed to be here three hours ago. And they, kind of aren't, don't you think?"

"And what do you care? You get this distressed for a couple kids, you burn them some rice and you come pick them up from their first trip and you tell me you plan to leave? "He laughed sarcastically in her ear. "Lie to yourself but don't lie to me, human. It's not fair."

She quieted down at once.

"I didn't burn the rice." She pouted. "And I thought the bento were nice." She petted him, softly "It doesn't have to mean anything, right? I'm just being nice to some kids. I happen to know."

Kurodoku laid his face on her shoulder. "…Sure."

"I don't even like kids so it's like an effort to be a good person, right? Just another good deed." She wasn't as sure of herself as she sounded.

She sighed, then, she sighed again. And a third time.

"Stop whining. They are coming." He assured with visible annoyance.

"You don't know that… They have already taken three hours." She said as she started eating a lollipop. "Maybe they're dead." She added casually. "I hope not, that'd be boring."

"There are four people walking towards the gatess. Three infantss I assume are the kidss." He stated doing the snake equivalent of rolling his eyes, "I can see through your lies easily."

"Shut up. I'm lying to myself, not to you. None of your busyness either way."

"Oh" The snake laughed at her, "Does it work?"

"Sometimes." She added quizzically, "Now hide under my shirt, they're coming."

Kurodoku was right. It didn't take long before four silhouettes appeared, moving in slow pace towards her. She waved at them and they waved back.

She didn't know what to do next, greet them as usually. Should she ask about their mission or was it improper?

Naruto quickly salvaged the situation, earning a smile from her, he kept shouting at her about their mission even though they were few meters apart. Sakura started reprimanding him so he stopped yelling for a second. She didn't catch what Sasuke said next but Naruto snapped back at him being only stopped from physically challenging the pussy-magnet by Kakashi's arm. Kakashi was still smiling but looked like he wanted to run away from there as fast as possible.

They were kind of entertaining and, as far as kid went, pretty interesting too.

She called Naruto's attention and he immediately forgot about his bickering and ran towards her. She heard Sakura say something about how times should stay together at all times. "Arabella-NEE-chan we just completed the best mission and proved ourselves as ninjas, dattebayo!" The kid was clearly asking for approval from her so she petted his head. "We went to WAVES and fought the Demon brothers who are CHUNIN and some ugly dude who was a JOUNIN to defeat some dude Gatou because of the bridge Tazuna wanted to build. Kakashi-sensei says that it could be a B-RANK we are getting promoted FOR SURE." It didn't make sense but he seemed exited to tell her so she smiled and hummed approvingly.

"The Jounin's name was Unmo Samidare and he was in the Bingo book." Sasuke explained arrogantly, out of the corner of her eye she saw Sakura wince. " and if it really is becoming an B-Rank you shouldn't be telling anyone what happened, dobe."

"Shut up, Sasuke. I'm just telling Nee-chan so it's alright. Go be a bastard somewhere else!"

Sasuke crossed his arms and smirked, "It's not like you're getting a promotion after freezing in front of the Demon Brothers" Kakashi ignored he two putting an orange book out and she thought it to be a shame, it was a great spectacle. She hadn't been exactly bored with babysitting and all, but the pure chaos this team caused was refreshing.

"Say that to my face, you-"

"E-eh, Arabella-san" Sakura tugged her shirt to get her attention, making the boys' taunts fade as background noise. She noticed then the fresh scar across the kid's cheek. "Could we talk for a little after we give our report?" She doubted that she wanted to talk about shoes, "If-f you don't mind?"

"I'll walk you home from the Hokage tower." She agreed. She expected a long talk about beauty and how to make Sasuke fall in love with you even though you have a scar.

Sakura nodded and she avoided looking directly at Kakashi in case he disagreed, out of the corner of her eye, she could see him watching her with tired but precise eyes. She had to keep in mind to stay close to Sakura so he couldn't forbid her from talking to her without affecting their student-teacher relationship. The most probable outcome would be for him to follow them during their chat. She was kind of alright with that.

Apparently the kids had stopped bickering to listen to their conversation making the atmosphere drip with awkward tension, Kakashi failed to dissipate it by telling them to move to the Hokage tower. The silence was still filled with tension.

The kids weren't looking directly at Sakura, who had tears in her eyes but kept her head up. While it spoke in pinky's behalf to stay proud, she was more interested in the other kids who looked guilty. Now she wanted to know what happened…

"Are you not going to give them the rice?" Kurodoku said and snickered. If you paid attention, you could see him move under her shirt, and she knew Mask man hadn't taken his eyes off her. She waited a second in case he said something, thankfully he didn't say anything. She was sure he had seen it, though, and that could be a problem.

"Oh, I forgot. I made you some rice." She commented looking at Naruto who was sure would bite, taking away the awkward silence. She had enjoyed it while it lasted, because she had nothing to do with it.

"THANK you Nee-chan. Kakashi-sensei dropped them on the mission and we couldn't eat your cooking but I bet It was delicious, Dattebayo" The blond kid was genuinely oblivious, it seemed.

"That's too bad, I spent all morning cooking" She said loud enough for everyone to hear. She slowed down her pace to walk beside Kakashi, just so he couldn't pretend it wasn't directed at him, now, he had to answer to her "You saw me cooking it. It wasn't poisoned."

"I couldn't be sure. It's protocol to test them but there wasn't any time." He said with a fake eye-smile. He wasn't going to explain any further and she kind of understood the reasoning. She would have done the same, but she was still offended.

"What does that mean? Why would you think Nee-chan… What's this about?"

Naruto didn't know how to read a situation. "Don't worry about it, It's ok."

He didn't look so convinced, Sakura shot her a confused glance and Sasuke was silent and looked conflicted, he stared at Kakashi for slightly too long. She ignored them and kept walking next to Kakashi taking again his arm. He didn't say anything.

"Don't you have to report?" She said with an innocent smile. She watched the unsure kids walk away from her and into the Hokage building, which was in front of her. She let go of Kakashi's arm and sat down in the floor. She took a deep sigh.

She couldn't fit in, this wasn't her place.

"You seem sad. If you're going to cry you should bottle it, harpies' tears are said to have magical properties"

"Very funny, Kurodoku. Are criminals tears also magical?"

"Uh, touchy." He laughed.

"Stop moving, It's attracting attention."

"It's not my fault, your breasts are sweating, it's disgusting." He taunted. "I'm not a water snake."

"…" She contemplated, "Bitch."

"Which way is your house, Sakura? Let's walk together for a bit." Arabella had expected her to avoid the conversation after the bento thing (She still gave them the new bento but this time in absolute silence. They still accepted it.) "Let's sit in here. It's a pretty sight."

"Arabella-san" She said with decision, "H-how… W-when does it go away? T-this feeling" She broke down crying and Arabella didn't know what to do.

"Um…" She was a little confused, "Why don't you start telling me about what happened?"

"O-okay" She tied to calm herself by controlling her breathing, Arabella placed her hand on her back and patted her for support. "I- There was an enemy ninja, the jounin from Kirigakure and" Hiccup, "a-and he trapped Kakashi-sensei so Sasuke-kun and Naruto held him off b-but he went straight to me a-and said that he" hiccup,"h-he wanted to r-ra, r-rap, r-raa-"

"It's ok, I know keep going. You're doing great"

"Ok-kay. He said that and tried to grab me. I-I was with the client and Sasuke and Naruto were far and it was so fast, I tried but I couldn't defend myself aand he cut me here. H-he said he was marking me." Sakura broke down again.

She wasn't prepared to deal with kids, especially if they were going to cry. She tried to mimic what her psychologist did when she had an episode of intense sorrow or wrath that upset her to the point of making her unstable. Her cousin, the psychologist, made her talk as much as possible and when she couldn't, he would ask simple yes or no questions, just to let it all out. He said to speak of a trauma as much as possible to accept it and move on.

"Alright, you're doing great. Do you need a second to breathe?" Another thing he did, he'd encourage her to speak without judging her. "Tell me what happened next. On your own time"

She watched her shake from trying to control her crying and she couldn't control herself anymore, she pulled the kid into her lap and let her sob on her shirt.

" I-I don't know, he pulled closer to me a-and I closed my eyes. Then Kakashi-sensei was in front of me and I was covered in blood." She fisted her shirt. "I-I couldn't do anything. I froze. A-and Naruto and Sasuke… They just… couldn't help me."

"Do you blame them?" She made sure to keep her voice devoid of judgment.

"No! Of course not. I just- I didn't- It's- I didn't want them to see me like that." She wondered if it was ok to hug her tightly in case it triggered a bad memory. "I bet they think I am useless"

"I don't think so. When I saw them they looked guilty. I think they wanted to save you but couldn't." Arabella hugged her tightly. Fuck it, this kid needs it. "Don't be surprised if they become very protective of you for a couple weeks. They're just trying to make it up to you, they feel like they failed you. "

"They shouldn't have to save me! I am a Kunoichi. They shouldn't want to protect me. It's an insult to my abilities." She let a bitter laugh, "I guess they should worry, I am so weak."

"They will always want to protect you" She added softly as she started to play with her hair, "even if you're the most powerful shinobi in the world, because that's what friends do. And they will be by your side whenever you need them, weak or not you're their teammate."

"T-thank you, Arabella-san. Sorry if I've been a bother, I've even dirtied you shirt."

"It's ok. Do you want to stay like that for a little longer?"

" Is that- Should I-"
"It's ok, baby." She welcomed her back in her arms and let her rest for a little longer. "Keep talking, get it all out. You came to me because I have a big scar too, right. Mine is on the neck but yours is in the cheek, right?"

"Y-yes. I just wanted to- a-ask how y-yo-ou"

" Take your time, it's ok."
"You had it on your neck, where everyone could see it b-but you looked so happy, like it didn't matter. And I-I can't stand to see myself in the mirror. It's just-I'm so ugly"

Ouch, she hadn't cared much about her scar, now, she was feeling self-conscious, but that's not what she needed to hear "As I see it, this scar is part of your life, part of you, part of your story. Let's be honest with ourselves, Sakura, our scars are going to attract many looks, but I don't think it makes you any less beautiful."

"B-but there's no way Sasuke will ever love me if I look like this!"

What's with this kid and Sasuke, what does she have to prove?

"Does it ever get lonely, thinking like that? Measuring your worth by someone else's standard? Look at yourself now and dry your tears. Tonight you should make a decision, you have to look at yourself and find what you need. Become someone you'd look up to. I can see the spark within you, Sakura, you just need a little push."

"I don't think I can"

"I believe in you. One day you'll realize how little that boy matters and how much you do. You can become a great Kunoichi and protect your teammates once you realize that the only one standing on your way is yourself. I can see you starve yourself until you're dizzy, you're fading away, Sakura. All you can be… There's still time to change."

"Y-you think so?" It didn't matter what she thought, but what a defenseless kid needed to hear tonight. She was in a delicate place, if she told the kid to quit she would, but it was not her place to choose for her.

"You wouldn't be doubting yourself if you knew what I know… Be reborn, Sakura. Turn that scar to your pride, make it your beauty spot. Show them you survived and you plan on doing it for a long time."

"I p-promise I will become b-better."

She clacked her tongue, "Don't give me your empty words, you make a promise with actions"

Sakura didn't say anything for a minute, lost in her thoughts, but then she stood up. With tears in her eyes, she pulled out a Kunai and cut her hair. Half of her mane scattered on the floor.

"Sasuke-kun said that he liked girls with long hair. This is my promise that I have changed, a-and that Sasuke should like me for who I am, not what I look like. He told me I was weaker than Naruto, and I can see it now. I'll show him how strong I can become."

She wished this wasn't as much about Sasuke but it was a start. " That's good, Sakura. I believe you."

She was not doing that again. She was not one to make a beautiful speech about self-love, it was too hypocritical for her tastes, but if it helped that kid… She was just not doing that again.

There had been something bothering her during the whole chat, but she had to wait until she went home to lash out at Kakashi. She was stomping by the time she reached the house.

"Why?" Kakashi was on the kitchen, she could feel him from the entrance. "Why weren't you following me? You threw away perfectly fine food for little chance that I had poisoned it but left me alone with one of your kids? That's really stupid. You should know better."

He looked interested "Did you do something?"

"No, but I could have. And you wouldn't know until the morning."

" Konoha is the safest place for her to be. There' are ANBU squads everywhere."

"They'd catch the criminal, not stop the crime. You'd still have a body on the end of the day." She reprimanded. "You shouldn't trust me with those kids just like that."

"Maa, maa it feels like you're telling me off." He added calmly without paying much attention to her, "How did you know that I wasn't there? Experienced Shinobi can hide their presence. I could have been there and you wouldn't have realized."

"Because I would have felt you. You weren't there, and you so called ANBU squads didn't follow me today, even though they had the most reasons to."

"Can you feel me now?"

" Duh, it's like hiding behind a piece of paper screen and calling it disappearing."
"You are a sensor, and a pretty good one. Not many trained sensors had been able to sense me when I am concealed." He stared at the wall and didn't give her any more information on the 'sensor' thing. Apparently she was one.

" Right…" She said, not believing a word. "It's not like you feel like a cloud bank ready to become a storm, it's not subtle."

"I never heard that one" He mentioned lost in his thoughts, or at least pretending to be. "It was nice to learn that but I was also hoping for an explanation that involved your moving t-shirt."
"Uhh," She took a second to think something else but her mind was empty, "My third boob is growing. You shouldn't mention it or I'll grow self-conscious."

"Wait" He demanded, but it sounded like a warning, "Think again. If I were you I'd tell me."

She licked her lips and cocked her hip, "If I could meet with Sakura without you knowing, you can wait until tomorrow. Goodnight." She didn't say I need time to make something up but it was implied.

She had put on her pajamas and Kurodoku was already curled around the legs of the bed when she bit her lips and walked downstairs in a slight regretful parade. When she reached the living room Kakashi had put his orange book out. "Hey."

He didn't speak, he acknowledged her presence by giving her a side glance and a turn of pages. She took it as an encouragement , she decided to go straight to the point. "Sakura was very affected by her fight with that Jounin." He agreed but didn't say anything. " When I talked to her she seemed to know what had happened, did you explain that to her?"

"What's to explain? That degenerated was very explicit with what he wanted." The bitter tone he used brought an unsure smile to her face. At least he was protective of Sakura.

"I think she understood most of it. She should see a shrink about it, you know, she was really affected. Were Naruto and Sasuke ok? They didn't know how to act around Sakura… neither did you."

"Do you have any suggestions?" He didn't sound angry, just genuinely unsure on what to do.
" Treat her like you always do, it's very important that she goes to the trainings, even if she doesn't fight. Make her do some exercise or something. Don't let her sulk, but don't force her to do anything. And… "she put special emphasis on this "talk to her if she wants to tell you anything, don't run away. You look the type who avoids any type of difficult talks. Even just listening works."

"You seem knowledgeable about this matters… You give a really personal perspective…"

She couldn't thing a worse way to ask what he was asking, "I've never been raped, but I know something about grief, my family did die." She rolled her eyes.

"A dead family that didn't teach you this language even though it's the most common around the Five Nations? A family who moved around a lot in places that barely appear on maps and is untraceable? I wonder is this family did exist in the first place." He added with his eyes glued to his book. He turned another page even though she noticed he wasn't moving his eyes to read, it was just for dramatic effect.

"Forget what I said, If you're going to dig in her recent scars like that she won't confide in you ever again." He tensed like a rope at her words, and she understood. It had been worrying him the whole conversation and she had been dumb to think he just wasn't comfortable with the matter; he was a shinobi this things weren't uncommon. "I didn't tell her you made this one" She said touching her neck, tracing the scar with her fingertips.

"Why didn't you?" It would have destroyed their relationship and Sakura would have never trusted him again.

"I wonder."

Besides, she'd earned that scar since she was the one to move her neck against his knife. It sounded a little strange but as someone who had had ending her life as last option for most of her life, knowing she might be able to do it if needed was relieving. She had always put the responsibility of killing her on her family but now that they were gone, and that she couldn't tell anyone of her bloodline limit, it was some kind of assurance. Only If she was about to go out of control, of course. She wasn't planning on dying anytime soon.

He looked away from his book and stared at her for the first time since she entered the room. "You've improved."

"Thank you." She didn't hold his gaze; geez, he barely looked at her and when he did it was straight at her eyes. They landed on his rather obnoxious looking orange book. "What kind of book is that?" She wasn't fluent enough to read an adults book but the way its cover was colored it looked like a kid's book, so maybe she could ask him for it.

"It's… an adult book." He looked at the cover with appreciation and care before he put it away.

"Violence?" That seemed a weird way to market action…wait a second "Oh, sex." She took a second before dissolving in giggles. She tried to calm herself but, seriously, what kind of marketing genius makes porn bright orange?