Naturally I owe you guys an apology for this long overdue chapter…so sorry.

In my defence I forgot. But also I just started AS AND I'm in boarding now (I know, wtf?) so yeah I can't exactly say I've had heaps of time to write this update. ALSO the one moment I do decide to bless you all with another chapter; my word decides to test my patience so yeah, that's a reasonable enough excuse.

CHAPTER 10

Now that I think about it, sitting here on a park bench somewhere hidden within the forest of trees in Gardenia Park, I kind of felt some sort of pity towards the McGregor family. I mean, imagine all the money that's been wasted on Helia's failed attempts of getting married? Despite Adrianna's budget cuts on the most recent one of the two, it was still a great amount of money – but then again, they kind of brought it upon themselves so.

It had been almost twenty minutes since that bomb was dropped on everyone at the church and so far all I could think about was, they know. They all know now; what I'd been trying to tell them for months on end and now half a decade later, they knew.

It just wouldn't sink in.

You'd think after carrying that sort of baggage around with you for all this time, and finally getting to drop it, I'd feel lighter or something. But no. I feel indifferent. It's one thing having something to say and choosing not to tell anyone else, but it's another thing having something to say and everyone else choosing not to listen. That shit hurts.

All I could feel now was anger towards my friends and siblings for throwing me under the bus like that – okay technically they picked me up from under the bus but I was still annoyed either way. It's not like I didn't appreciate their efforts and whatnot; but in front of God (literally) and all our friends? That was a bit extreme even for them.

You'd think what with being in church and all, God would hear my prayers better and made them fucking stop, but I guess I didn't have that sort of luck so oh.

But now what? Am I supposed to just forgive everyone and forget what happened? Is that what they expected? Because I DON'T think so. And what about Helia? God, what about Helia?
There is no doubt in my body that I am still entirely in love with that man, and I don't see a point in my life where I won't be, but he's hurt me in ways that I can't explain and I know I deserve better than to just run into his open hands – that is, if they're even open – and pick up where we left off. (I mean technically we could, there is still a whole wedding setup).

And Mason? What do I do about him? I don't even know where the hell he is or if he's even alive. I know it's unfair to be in a relationship with him when I don't have my whole heart in it, but technically I haven't done anything wrong. I mean I did love him…three weeks ago. Who was I to know that I'd run into my ex and get fusilladed with emotions I thought I'd gotten rid of. And I know I shouldn't be pointing fingers or anything, but this would have had a less likely chance of happening if he fucking talked to me these past few days.

And just when I thought all was good in my little world, I felt a figure sit on the bench next to me and all nerves in my body rocketed to a jump.

"I knew I'd find you here,"
Ah dammit.

"What Helia, what could you possibly want to say to me now that you couldn't have said five years ago,"
Okay, I guess I'm jumping right into it then. Who even needs to beat around the bush anymore?

He sighed, and out of my peripheral vision I saw him rake his hands through his hair.

"Honestly? I don't know." I scoffed. Seriously? I waited five God damn years for this? "God, I don't know Flora. I literally don't know what to say,"
"That's shocking compared to things way back when," I snapped; like lotion you've got to rub it in real good.

"Look, I completely and entirely fucked up, okay? I know. I guess I've known for a while now; known what? I don't know. But I always knew something was off. Even back then –"
"No. No Helia. I'm not going to sit here and listen to you justify yourself. It's a bit late for that and –"
"Please?" He croaked, his voice breaking slightly causing my eyes to snap towards his direction. "I know what you're thinking; when the roles were reversed I didn't give you the time of day to explain yourself, and you have every right to get up and leave, I knew it was a longshot that you'd even listen to me in the first place, but I just have to say it Flora."

I wish I was strong enough to leave.

He took my silence as a gesture to go on, "I just, I screwed up on so many levels and I know nothing I say or do will ever be able to make up for it but I need you to know that walking out of that alter, walking away from you, is and will always be my biggest regret. Saying those things to you that day…God what was I thinking!" He leaned back on the bench and closed his eyes and it took every ounce of energy in my body to refrain myself from outlining the furrow in his brows, like I always used to do when he got frustrated.

We fell into a silence after that, neither of us knowing what to say or do. I wanted to leave, but I knew that wasn't going to help get rid of the pain coursing through my arteries. This conversation was long overdue and it's about time we both got everything off our chests. Because I knew there was no way I was getting over this man unless we finally put everything in the past…properly.

"Did you…did you really think I would do that to you?" I found myself whispering after what felt like ages of tensed up silence. He looked shocked, almost like he didn't expect me to say anything. He cleared his throat and rubbed his neck, glancing at me through the corner of his eye.

"I guess I just acted on impulse, you know? There I was getting excited about marrying the girl of my dreams only to find out she wasn't only mine, at least not anymore. I was angry, angry at you for betraying me, at Cameroon for…and Krystal for waiting until that very moment to tell me."
"You didn't even look at me Helia. You didn't give me the chance to tell you it wasn't true. But you gave her the chance…" I said the last part with intentions of him not hearing me but I guess he did anyway.

"Because I wanted to hear her say it. I needed to hear her admit to what she'd done…with you, I couldn't. I was too scared to hear you say that its true; that you did sleep with Cameroon. So I ran. Because I knew nothing could cut me deeper than looking at you and finding a guilty expression on your face."
My throat constricted; how had I not thought of that? All this time I've just been blaming him for causing our relationship to deteriorate but I didn't take a moment to think about what he must have been going through. He was hurting too and who am I to say I wouldn't have reacted that way if the roles were reversed?

But still, it didn't justify everything that happened after that. He didn't have to go ahead and say…that. Those words, coming from him especially, caused just as much harm to me as a knife to the heart would have.

"Why her?" I exhaled a shaky breath, "You could literally have anyone, but her?"
"I could say the same about you," He muttered causing me to frown.

"No, you couldn't. I didn't go and date your lifelong nemesis, Helia. So I'll repeat, why her?" He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair again, "I didn't plan for that to happen, Flo. After you left I was a mess; wouldn't come out of my room for ages until my mum practically dragged me outside. I ran into Krystal at Millie's bakery and she insisted we go out for lunch. I figured I kind of owed it to her since at the time she practically saved me from a "toxic relationship" as she so kindly put it. And well, one date led to another and I guess she decided that meant we were official, so she went ahead and told everyone that she was my girlfriend." He chuckled darkly, "My family was pissed off. Stella literally punched me in the face,"
I felt my chest puff out in pride of my best friend; what a sweetheart.

"I mean, I didn't exactly blame them. I spent along time asking myself what the fuck I was thinking, but in the end, I said fuck it. I knew it was petty as all hell, but I figured once you found out you'd be pissed and hurt, and at the time that's what I wanted, I wanted you to feel the sort of pain I had to endure. Little did I know you already were," He growled to himself.

"Did you love her?" I could practically feel the venom and jealousy in my voice, and the slight twitch of a smirk on Helia's lips indicated he did to. Oops.

"I thought I did. I mean I knew it wasn't as deep as the feelings I had for you, but I wasn't surprised cause I doubted I'd ever feel that way again. But I didn't not like her, you know? I mean I still resented her for all the shit she did to you in high school, but the cunning bitch managed to convince me she had changed." He scoffed, "Mhamo wasn't having it, though. She kept trying to convince me to break up with her, why the hell didn't I listen to her? At this point it wasn't even about you anymore, at least not entirely. Everyone said they weren't going to let me marry someone I didn't love. That pissed me off, you know? Like who were they to tell me who I loved and who I didn't?"
Wow, where have I heard those words before?

"What about you? Do you, uh, love Mason?"

Did I?

I've already admitted to myself that I'm still in love with Helia, but where did that leave Mason?
"I don't know…" I whispered, looking him in the eye. "I did, but then…" I trailed off.

"What were you thinking? A golfer?! You hate golf. You said it was the most boring sport known to mankind."
I laughed at how ridiculously similar he sounded to Myla.

"I know…but I guess I just overlooked that when we first started dating. I figured it wouldn't be much of a problem since I was dating him and not the sport, you know?"

"How did you guys even meet?" Helia asked, furrowing his brows as he looked ahead.

"We met at a mutual friend's party and we just hit it off I guess. We were friends for about four months before we started dating." I saw Helia flinch at this and I had to bite back a grin at the fact that he was so obviously jealous of my relationship with Mason. Not that he even had a right to.

I could sense the lull in the conversation before it even happened; and not one for awkward silences, I stood up and hoped he took it as a signal that I wanted to leave.

"So…what now?"
"Helia-"
"I still love you Flora, I don't think I ever stopped." He said, cutting me off. My breath hitched and I could practically feel my heart beating against my ribcage. Oh God…

"Helia…"

"I need you back in my life, Flora." He said as he stood up too. My head snapped up so that I could look at his face.

I shook my head, to try and get back to reality. This wasn't some sort of fairy-tale where with a click of the fingers everything gets back to normal and they live happily ever after. No, this was my real as fuck life and I'm not stupid enough to think it something else.

"It doesn't work like that, Helia. You can't expect me to just drop everything and come running back to you. A lot has happened between us and I'm not willing to endure that kind of heartbreak again."
"Who said you'd have to? I mean it'll take a while for things to get back to the way they were, but we'd get there eventually. Right?" He asked, looking at me with so much hope. I wanted to say yes, I wanted to believe him; that things could go back to the way they were. When things were beautiful and I was happier than I ever could be. But I couldn't.

"I don't think so, Helia. I wish there was another way but…Besides, I have Mason and Las Angeles and –"

"No, you're right. You're right, I, I shouldn't have even, no. You deserve the best, Flora and nothing but. I just…you're happy, right? That's all that matters to me." He sighed; feigning calmness, but I could tell he was anything but because he refused to look me in the eye and instead focused his gaze on his shoes.

Was I happy?
I mean, I did enjoy modelling, and I no doubt loved L.A. but was it enough?
"I am," I found myself saying, although even I could hear the doubt and uncertainty in my voice.

He nodded before clearing throat. "Well, we should probably get going,"

"Uh yeah. Goodbye, Helia." He nodded, a pained expression flashing across his face as he finally looked at me. His eyes held a mixture of emotions and I couldn't stand there and pinpoint the more dominant of them all, but what I could do was appreciate the vulnerability and affection that swam in those deep ocean blue eyes, ones that I knew I would never be able to forget.

I gave him a small smile before turning away.

"I'll always be here, you know." He deadpanned. I froze. "Always. I guess I've just accepted that I'll always be in love with you, even if you're in love with some wannabe celebrity golfer."
I willed myself not to cry, to not say fuck it and throw myself in his arms and just stay there and never leave.

Instead I took a deep breath and; "I'll always be in love with you too, Helia McGregor." I whispered, before turning around fully and legging it out of there. Always.

…

Oh my poor, poor heart.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, despite it being really short. I just didn't want to overdo it you know?
Anyway, the story is almost over everyone! Jeez, I just realised how short it is. But oh well, short and sweet and all that other garbage, right?

Please review and let me know what you think, it'll mean the world to me.

Until next time…x