Don't Know How To Take My Own Life Back

Jean POV

Jean couldn't stop thinking about Armin as the new semester got under way. Everything about his body language and actions that night indicated that the blond was interested in Jean. But he had also been heavily intoxicated. Of course, in Jean's experience, alcohol didn't put ideas like that in your head. It just made you more likely to act on the ones already there. Jean was so confused. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to bring it up if he was wrong…but what if he was right and he was throwing away his one opportunity to be with the guy he had wanted for years?

"Why don't you just call him?" Jean looked up at Marco. Sometimes, he wondered if his best friend could read his mind.

"I can't."

"Why not?" Marco sat down at the table next to Jean, a glass of water in his hand. "What's the worst case scenario here, Jean?"

"Um, I could die. Like literally keel over dead."

"Yeah, but that's worst case scenario in any situation. Hasn't stopped you before."

"I could be wrong."

"Lord knows that has never happened before."

Jean stared at Marco's freckled face. "You know you're not actually helping, right?"

"Aren't I though?" Marco winked as he took a sip of water.

"Besides, I'm going to see him tonight." It was Mikasa's birthday, and she was having a small get together.

"Are you going to talk to him about this?"

"I don't know. Maybe. If an opportunity arises."

Just then, Sasha bounded into the room, followed by Connie. "You guys ready to go?" She asked.

Jean looked at them, then back at Marco. "How did we get roped into carpooling with these two?"

"Dude, we all live in the same place. It's stupid to take two cars." Connie huffed.

"We're being environmentally friendly." Sasha added.

"I'm sorry. I don't recall us inviting Sasha to move in." Jean turned his head to look at her directly.

"Why do you keep fighting it, Jean?" She grinned.

"Because he doesn't know how to admit defeat." Marco grinned, finishing his water.

"Not to mention he's a sore loser." Connie added.

"All of you shut up." Jean said, standing up. "Let's go."

"Hey Jean, there's a positive for you tonight." Marco said as he put his glass in the sink.

"What?" Jean asked, pulling on his coat.

"Eren's not going to be there."

"No Floch either!" Connie chimed in.

"Well, then, this night is looking better and better." Jean grinned.

They piled into Connie's car. Jean couldn't say he was dreading this party. It would be much more low key and laid back than the party at their house a few weeks ago. Plus, the people who grated on his nerves also grated on Mikasa's, so they wouldn't be showing up. And he'd never turn down a chance to spend time with Armin.

It was a surprisingly quiet ride out. Connie and Sasha sat up front, chatting about whatever those two chatted about. The pair of them basically had their own language. He made fun of them a lot, but they were relatively harmless, and pretty good roommates. Pretty good friends too. They made a good couple as well, though they acted really low key about it, even though they had been together for years now.

They were the last ones to arrive. Typical. Mikasa smiled as she let them into her house. She had such a pretty smile, made all the prettier by how rare it was. She still lived at home with her mom. She was probably the smart one, saving her money. Mikasa led them to the living room where everyone was sitting. Historia and Ymir were curled up on one armchair, Reiner on the other. On the loveseat were two people who hadn't come to Marco's party, Bertolt and Annie. Bertolt hadn't come because he didn't like parties. Annie hadn't come because she didn't like people. Also squished onto the loveseat was Mina. On the couch was a surprise guest, Hitch. Jean didn't think she and Mikasa were friends, but here she was.

Jean didn't even have to see the face of the other person on the couch. He'd recognize that blond mop anywhere. And when Armin turned around and smiled at him, he felt his breath catch and his heart miss several beats. "You have a lot of furniture." Connie said.

"Yeah, but still not enough for all of us, even if we squish." Sasha observed.

"Damn, Hitch. You threw off the whole count." Jean smirked, regaining control of himself.

"Shut up, Jean." She fired back.

"I'll sit on the floor!" Armin proclaimed, scrambling off the couch.

"I don't mind being on the floor either." Marco said.

As soon as those two sat on the floor, Jean knew that's where he was sitting too. The biggest surprise was when Mikasa joined them, as Connie and Sasha sat on the couch. "Mikasa! You can't sit on the floor on your birthday!" Bertolt exclaimed.

"It's better than being squashed next to those two." She motioned to Connie and Sasha.

"Hey!" Connie exclaimed.

"I feel like I should take offense to that." Sasha said.

"Don't bother." Hitch said, patting Sasha on the leg. "Continue your blissful life without offense and bitterness. Don't become like Jean."

"Look who's talking." Jean sat back.

The room erupted with laughter. Jean sulked slightly. He hated when they laughed at him. But he felt himself relax when he a small hand patted him on the thigh. "Don't worry, Jean. We still love you anyway." Armin smiled at him and Jean felt his heart melt.

"Hey, everybody's here now, so can we play?" Reiner asked.

"You're insatiable." Annie huffed, crossing her arms.

"Play what?" Connie asked.

"Never Have I Ever." Mina said.

"Yes! Let's do it!" Sasha exclaimed excitedly.

"Should have known the drunks would be down to play." Ymir rolled her eyes.

"I'll go get the stuff." Mikasa rose to her feet.

"I'll help!" Armin followed her from the room.

They all sat quietly for a moment. "So, where's your boyfriend tonight, Hitch?" Jean asked, leaning his head back to look at her.

"He's not my boyfriend. I swear to God, you call him that one more time…"

"Honestly, Jean. Can't you see she's a raging lesbian?" Ymir asked.

"How can you tell that?" Bertolt asked.

"Because I'm also a raging lesbian, Pit stains."

"YMIR!" Historia scolded. Bertolt just blushed. They all knew Bertolt was a very sweaty man.

Hitch doubled over laughing. "WHAT did you just call him?" Sasha asked.

"He's Pit stains. And that one's Moobies." Ymir pointed at Reiner.

"Do you have mean nicknames for all of us?" Jean asked.

"Yes, I do, Horseface."

Jean rolled his eyes. "Really? That old shit?"

"Why fix what isn't broken? Isn't that right, Potato Girl?"

"Sometimes, I really don't like you." Sasha huffed.

"What other mean nicknames you got?" Hitch asked.

"Let's see. We've got Bitchface McGee over there next to Pit Stains." Annie didn't react. "Runt is with Potato Girl." Ymir continued.

"Really?" Connie asked.

"Freckled Jesus is on the floor." Marco nodded his head. It was not the first time he'd been referred to as that. "The Angry Murder Child is no longer welcome in this house. And there's Little Coconut Head." She grinned as Armin came into the room carrying shot glasses. "Alternatively, Male Historia."

"Fair enough." Armin said simply, passing out a glass to everyone.

"And there's Soulless Dead Eyes." Ymir said as Mikasa came with two bottles of rum.

"I try." Mikasa said flatly.

"What about me? Do I have a nickname?" Hitch asked.

Ymir grinned wickedly. "Hitch The Bitch."

Hitch grinned back. "I love it."

"Of course you do. You've been relishing in being called Hitch the Witch since 2nd grade." Marco smirked.

"And there's your platonic husband, Bowlcut."

"You never answered my question for earlier." Jean interrupted as Mikasa began pouring shots.

"What question?"

"Where's Bowlcut tonight?"

"He's working tonight." Hitch answered.

"Lots of traffic in the campus library on a Saturday evening?" Reiner asked sarcastically.

"You'd be surprised." Hitch replied.

"It's where I usually am." Armin interjected, sitting down beside Jean.

"Yeah, I know. I see you every Saturday." Hitch smiled.

"What? So it that where all my friends are on Saturdays?" Jean asked.

"Yeah, we're hiding from you." Marco said. "You'd never think to look for us there. You don't even know where it is."

"I think you have me confused with Connie." Jean retorted.

"Shut the fuck up." Connie shot back.

"Alright, let's play." Mikasa said, sitting down on the other side of Armin. "I'll start. We all know the rules, correct?"

They all nodded their assent. "Let me just sit down here." Mina said, moving to the floor.

"I'm only playing a couple of rounds." Marco said.

"How come? Scared we'll drink you under the table?" Hitch smirked.

"No, I'm the designated driver."

"Who says you can drive my car?" Connie asked.

"These do." Marco held up Connie's keys.

Connie's hands immediately went to his pockets. "How in the hell?"

They all started laughing and Marco grinned. "You'll thank me later when you want to go home, Con."

"Sneaky bastard. Damn pickpocket." Connie muttered under his breath. Sasha sympathetically patted his knee.

"Okay, I'm starting now." Mikasa said.

"Hang on." Reiner interrupted. "What's the order after that? Because we're not exactly in a circle or anything."

"We COULD be in a circle, if we all adjust slightly." Armin said, peering around. "See, Mina, stay where you are. Mikasa and I are fine too. So, it Marco slides down next to Mina and Jean picks a side of the couch, we'll be in a circle." Marco slid down over and Jean scooted closer to Armin. This wasn't going to be something he complained about.

"We'll go clockwise after me." Mikasa said. "So, Bertolt goes next. Okay. Let's see. Never have I ever kissed a girl."

"That was directed at me, and I feel victimized." Ymir said before taking her shot. Historia also drank. Jean took his shot and was surprised to see Armin drink.

"What girls have you been kissing?" Connie asked.

"Me." Mikasa replied simply.

"WHAT?!" Sasha yelled. "When? Where? I need details!"

"When we were eleven." Armin said as Connie, Hitch, Reiner, Bertolt, and Marco all took their shots and the glasses were refilled.

"We decided we wanted to get our first kiss out of the way." Mikasa explained. "And we wanted it to be a good memory. So, who better than your best friend?"

"That's adorable." Historia giggled. "Ymir was my first kiss, in 10th grade."

"That is surprising to no one." Jean said.

"Okay, butt munch. Who was YOUR first kiss?" Ymir asked.

She and Jean stared at each other for a moment before Jean finally answered. "Hannah Diamont. In 8th grade."

"No fucking way!" Connie exclaimed, making them all look at him.

"Why do you sound so personally offended?" Jean asked.

"Because I asked her out in 10th grade, before she and Franz went steady, and she told me she had never looked at another boy besides Franz…lying bitch."

"Connie's really baring his soul here." Reiner laughed.

"My first kiss was Thomas." Mina said. "In ninth grade."

"Actually, Connie's not going to like this, but Hannah was also my first kiss, in 9th grade." Marco grinned.

"That little lying asshole." Connie huffed.

"Maybe she just really didn't like you, Cons." Ymir said sympathetically. "Happens to the best of us."

"My first kiss was with Boris Fuelner so we all make poor decisions." Hitch grimaced. "Heteronormativity's a bitch."

"Ain't that the truth?" Ymir said.

"When were you kissing Boris?" Jean asked.

"9th grade."

"Ah, well no one can fault you there. We all were pretty stupid at 14."

"Some of us are still pretty stupid." Ymir grinned, looking at Connie as she said it.

Jean noticed that Bertolt had a shit eating grin on his face. Apparently, Reiner also noticed it. "Why does your face look like that, Bert?"

"Because I also had my first kiss with Hannah in 9th grade." Bertolt grinned.

"Son of a bitch! What the fuck?" Connie exclaimed angrily.

"Damn. Hannah seriously got around." Hitch giggled.

"Connie, have you considered that maybe Hannah didn't like you because you're short?" Armin asked.

"Not you too." Connie groaned.

"No, I'm being serious. I mean, look at the evidence. Jean and Marco are decently tall. Franz is pretty tall. Bertl's a giant. She kissed all of them. You're short and she never kissed you. I'M short and she never kissed ME. So, there's likely a correlation."

"I can't believe Armin just figured out Hannah's type without ever talking to Hannah." Mina giggled.

"So, Connie, since we all obviously know you didn't get it from Hannah, who WAS your first kiss?" Reiner asked.

"Sasha." He said, motioning to her with his thumb. "Also, I'm calling bullshit that coconut head was getting it at fucking 11, and I had to wait until I was 17!"

"That's because Armin is actually likable and attractive." Jean shot back. He felt a need to defend Armin, since he knew Armin wouldn't defend himself.

"Get fucked, Jean."

"I had my first kiss at 12." Ymir cut in. "With this girl in my neighborhood, Madison. So, it must just be you, Short Stuff."

"Who was your first kiss, Sasha?" Mina asked.

"Uh, Connie." Sasha blushed slightly.

"Awwwe, that's adorable." Historia giggled.

"My first kiss was Eren." Reiner said.

Everyone's eyes shot to him in surprise. Well, everyone except Armin, Jean noticed. He must have already known. "WHAT?" Connie and Sasha exclaimed in unison.

"You know we're going to need details, right?" Ymir asked.

"It was in 10th grade, and he was curious as to how kissing a boy was different from kissing a girl." Reiner shrugged. "I said 'wanna find out?' And I guess he did."

"So, he kissed YOU?" Connie questioned in a confused tone. "Why wouldn't he kiss Armin?"

Armin looked uncomfortable. Jean wanted to smack Connie. "No one ever accused Eren of having good taste." Mikasa snapped at Connie.

"Are you saying you're not good taste, because GURL." Hitch eyed Mikasa up and down.

"Keep it in your pants, Hitch." Jean huffed.

"Annie, you're the only one who hasn't said." Sasha piped up.

Annie exchanged looks with Armin. The two of them seemed to be having a whole conversation without words. Jean hadn't realized they were that close. Finally, Annie spoke up. "My first kiss was with Armin, in 12th grade. So, you're not the only late bloomer, Connie."

"How many girls has your gay ass kissed, Arlert?" Ymir yelled.

"Three. Mikasa, Annie, and…" he paused.

"And me!" Historia proclaimed.

"WHAT?" Ymir stared at her. "You never told me. When? Why?"

"In 10th grade, before we started going out but after you kissed me that first time. I wanted to see what it was like to kiss a boy."

"So you picked Armin? He's half a girl!"
"Gee, thanks." Armin sighed.

"If you want a guy, you pick Jean or Bertolt or the likes."

"Thanks….I think…" Jean said. He wasn't sure how to take that.

"Annie, why were you kissing Armin?" Marco asked.

"Because I didn't want to graduate high school having never been kissed, and Armin's a gentleman. Also, he's a good kisser so you all are missing out."

Armin blushed and looked down. "I might have to take him up later." Hitch grinned. "Wanna up your number to four?"

"Keep your dirty hands off of him, Dreyse." Jean said. "You'll give him a disease.

"Are you saying I'm diseased, Kirschstein?"

"So, Armin-" Connie interrupted. "If you've kissed 3 girls, how many guys have you kissed?"

"Why? Do you want to be next?" Reiner asked.

"NO!"
"It's…more than three." Armin said quickly. "I think it's Bert's turn." Jean was curious why that wasn't something Armin wanted to talk about. He had never made it a secret that he was gay, since he'd come out in 10th grade. Maybe it was someone in particular that he had kissed. Jean froze. Was it HIM?

He glanced over and noticed Armin was pretty flushed. Was Armin embarrassed over having kissed him? Had he not meant that kiss? Jean felt sick to his stomach.