Can We Hang On?

Armin POV

Armin hurried back to his dorm, because it was freezing out. He found himself looking forward to getting a head start on his homework. His calc and physics professors were really laying it on him. But he knew as soon as he opened the door that it wasn't going to happen. Lying on his bed was Eren. "Goddammit. I told you to text me, not just show up."

"I'm sorry, but I need to talk to you."

"I found Mikasa, so don't worry about it."

"Oh. That's good."

"Yeah. She's spending the night at Jean's house." Armin's attention was diverted when a door down the hallway opened. It was his least favorite person, Auro, the RA. The RA's job was to keep track of everyone in the wing, hold meetings to get information out, make sure everyone was following the rules and being safe, act as mediator between roommate disputes, answer questions. Just generally make living in the dorms bearable. And Auro was absolutely terrible at it.

"Armie, you're back early tonight!"

Armin sighed. He detested being called Armie. "Yes, I'm back early."

"It's not like you to leave work early. Is everything okay?" Auro had made it an annoying habit to know where everyone was at any given time. And he was a serious stickler about guests. Eren, upon hearing who's voice was coming, slipped off the bed and bolted behind the door.

"Yeah, there was an emergency with my friend. But it's fine now."

"An emergency with Eren?"

"No."

"Shame. Glad everything worked out, then." Auro hated Eren, and Eren hated Auro.

"Yeah. Have a good night, Auro." Armin stepped into his room and tried to close the door. Auro just had to peek his head into the room, probably looking for any guests that weren't signed in. Not seeing any since he didn't check behind the door, Auro sighed, looking dejected.

"Goodnight, Armie."

Armin grimaced and shut the door. Auro was a terrible RA because the only part of his job he enjoyed was getting people in trouble, and being nosey. Armin glanced at Eren, practically holding his breath as he waited for Auro to walk away. Finally, he sighed and moved away from the door. The coast was clear. "Fucking snoop." Eren muttered, walking back over to the bed.

"To be fair, you ARE an illegal guest today, since I didn't invite you over. You snuck your way in the building, which he's supposed to watch for."

"Semantics."

"It's not."

"Anyway, why is Miki staying with old Horse Face? He's sure to be a creep."

"Would you stop calling him that? He was being nice. It's better than her sleeping in the science lounge."

"That's debatable."

"No, it's not. I don't know what your issue with Jean is, but it's getting old now."

"Well, for starters, there's the fact that he keeps trying to steal my two best friends." Eren snapped.

"We're not possessions, Eren!" Armin snapped back. He was annoyed now. "Besides, I don't really think Mikasa still counts as your best friend when the only conversations the two of you have had are screaming matches."

"Yeah, well who's fault is that?"

"Your's!" Armin threw his hands in the air. "Just because we're friends with other people, it doesn't mean they're stealing us. We aren't toys to be stolen. That whole mindset is why Mikasa left you."

"No, it's not!"

Armin crossed his arms. "Oh, really? Then, why do you think she left you? Hmm? Please, enlighten me."

Eren looked flustered. "I-well-that's not what I came here to talk about."

"Then, what DID you come here to talk about?"

"Well, I think you should stop chasing after Jean."

"Why?"

"I think he's using you. Everyone knows that Jean has been chasing after Mikasa for forever now. I think he sees a chance with her now and he's using you as a stepping stone to get to her."

Armin just stared at him. He could actually feel his braincells dying. "Are you serious right now?"

"Of course, I'm serious! I'm only saying this because I care about you."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say, and you just admitted that you don't know why Mikasa broke up with, so the bar was already pretty high."

"I don't see why you're being so nasty right now."

"Oh, gee. I don't know. Maybe it's because you showed up in my room, unannounced, again, after I've repeatedly asked you not to. And the only reason you did so was to insult my choices and try to control my love life because you're feeling lonely. Why on earth would I be annoyed by that?"

"Armin-"

"No, Eren. This is the problem. Somewhere along the way, you stopped treating Mikasa and I like people. You started treating us like dolls. And I'm not going to let you do it anymore. You don't get to use me and toss me aside as it suits you. I have feelings too."

"This is all Jean's fault, isn't it? I knew this would happen. I knew he'd turn you against me."

"And there it is!" There's the real reason behind all of this, why you don't want me around Jean. Be careful, Eren, your jealousy is showing."

"I'm not jealous!"

"Then what would you call it? Because from where I'm standing, it looks like you're jealous that I enjoy spending time with someone else. That I no longer think the sun shines out of your ass!"

"It's ruining everything!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is!"

"How can it be ruining something that was already ruined?" That shut Eren up. He looked taken aback. Armin decided to keep pressing. "We had an equilibrium. Everything was balanced, and everything was good. And then YOU ruined it."

"Armin-"

"You knew I loved you just as much as Mikasa did. And everything was balanced…until you played favorites. You picked her. Everything was fine so long as neither one of us made a move. We weren't competing and yet she still won." Armin looked down. "You broke my heart, Eren. And then, just to dig the knife in, you pushed me away." He looked back up and made eye contact. "You broke my heart and then left me to pick up the pieces. And it was Jean who was there to help me."

"Armin, I'm sorry. You know I love you. I love you more than Jean does. I could be better for-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence." The fiery anger in him was replaced with a cold, calm rage, but also a deep-seated hurt. "You know how long I pined for you. You know how devastated I was when you ran off with her. You know how I felt. How long it took me to move on. You made a choice and I had to accept it. Now, you have to accept mine. Don't try to play with my feelings just because you're lonely and scared. Don't do that to me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not the one you want." Armin's voice cracked a little. "You came back, after things got bad with Mikasa, because you view me as safe. Good little dependable Armin, always there whenever you need him. And I let you come back. But let's not delude ourselves on what's going on here. You're my best friend, and I'm your's, and that's all we are ever going to be to each other. We will just end up unhappy if we try to pretend otherwise. You want Mikasa, and I want…" He paused for a moment. Could he say it out loud? Was he ready to admit it fully? "Well, I don't want you. Not like that. Not anymore."

Eren climbed off the bed. "I'm sorry. I can't properly express how sorry I am. I shouldn't have said that." Eren reached out a hand towards Armin.

"No. You shouldn't have. It was mean." Armin stepped away from Eren's outreached hand.

"I'm sorry for how I made you feel. For making you feel like you had to bottle it up. You're my best friend. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything."

Typical Eren. Flipping like a switch when he realized he not only wasn't getting his way, but had pushed too far. "Well, if that's true, then I have something else to say."

"What is it?"

"This whole thing you have going on with Mikasa has got to stop. You have to start acting like a civilized human being. You complain that we're being stolen from you, but it's just that no one wants to invite you to anything anymore. Our friends are your friends too, but you're driving them away. Either you want her back or you don't. Either way, stop picking fights and move on."

Eren sat down heavily in Armin's desk chair. "God, I just miss her so much."

"Of course, you do. You guys were so close for so long. But I don't get your behavior. If you miss her, then why do you keep pushing her away?"

He put his head in his hands. "It started out as being out of anger and hurt feelings. But then…I don't know. It kills me to see that I'm hurting her."

"Then, why not stop? Why keep doing it?"

"I don't know. It's like it's become this awful habit."

"Then break it." Eren looked up at himin surprise. "If it's a habit, then break it. Make a new one. Preferably a habit of being nice. Because this current habit of yours is destroying all of us." Armin reached over and grabbed Eren's hand. "Please, Eren. If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for Mikasa. Do it for me."

"I…I will try."

"Okay, but you need to actually try this time." Armin let go of Eren's hand. "This isn't something you can half-ass. You need to make an actual effort this time." Eren nodded his head. "Oh, and one more thing."

"What?"

"You need to be prepared for her to say no. You really hurt her, Eren, and there's a strong possibility that she could reject you."

"Has she said something to you?"

"Not in those terms. I just think instead of focusing on getting her back, you should focus on becoming the kind of man she would want to come back to."

Eren seemed to think on it for a minute. "I guess that's a fair point."

"Of course, it's a fair point. I only make good points."

"Shut up." Eren sat quietly for a little while.

Armin began to get impatient. He let out a sigh. "Can you move." He finally spoke up. "I need to do homework."

"Oh. Yeah!" Eren sprang to his feet. Armin sank into his chair. He felt exhausted now. How did Mikasa and Eren always manage to drain his energy? Eren sat down on Armin's bed again. "Soooo." Eren said, as Armin was pulling out his textbook.

"What?" Armin said, half a sigh and half a huff.

"How annoyed was Marlowe that you left early?"

"Not as annoyed as when Hitch's latest fuckboy wouldn't stop calling." Armin replied.

"She had another one?"

"Of course, she did." Armin looked up at Eren. "I just hope she gets together with Annie soon and settles down."

"You really think she's going to end up with Annie?"

"Anyone with eyes can see their chemistry…when they actually talk to each other. Also, they're both the only lesbian the other knows that's single, so…"

Eren's face wrinkled in confusion. "That's grounds for a relationship?"

"It is when you're gay and live in a small town."

"If you say so." Eren lay back on the bed.

"You're not sleeping here tonight." Armin said bluntly, deciding to nip this in the bud.

"What? Why not?"

"Because I didn't invite you to spend the night. Also, I'm annoyed at you."

"Why are you annoyed at me?"

Armin simply stared at Eren's face. "Are you really that dense or are you fucking with me?"

"Armin, come on."

"I just want to be left alone tonight." He rubbed his temples. He was getting a headache again. Why did Eren always give him a headache?

"Fine, I won't sleep here." Eren sat up again. Armin turned his attention back to his homework. He didn't make it very far before Eren started talking again. "So, she was in the science building this time, huh?"

Armin sighed again. "NOW you want to talk about Mikasa's disappearing act?" He turned to face Eren.

"What?"

"For someone who claims to be so in love with her, you didn't seem that concerned about her when I came in."

"I knew you'd find her. You always know where to look."

"You could too, you know."

"But you won't tell me."

"Because, again, you actually have to try. You have to get to know her as a person."

"I do know her as a person. I know everything there is to know about Mikasa Ackerman."

"And yet you still haven't figured out why she dumped you." Armin shook his head.

"Do we have to re-hash that again?"

"You're the one who brought her up."

"You're trying to say I don't love her."

"All I said was that you were more concerned about my love life than her safety."

"She was safe."

"But you didn't know that, and you didn't ask."

"I don't like what you're insinuating."

"Well, there's the door." Armin waved a hand at it. "You're welcome to leave if you don't like what I have to say."

"I don't like the new you, Armin."

"I haven't changed. You have." Armin sighed. "You used to be much kinder. Jealousy has made you bitter."

"I'm not bitter."

"Then why can't we have one conversation that doesn't end up about Mikasa?" Armin stared pointedly at Eren. They used to talk about anything and everything. Now, it seemed to be Armin's love life, and Mikasa.

Eren looked hurt. He stared back at Armin for several moments. "I think I'd better head out." He finally said, softly rising to his feet. Armin felt bad for hurting his feelings, but at the same time, this was already an improvement for Eren. He was choosing to walk away rather than fight.

"I hope you can get past this, Eren." Armin called after him as he opened the door. "I miss us."

"Yeah." Eren said sadly. "So do I."