Season 01 / Episode 02: Red gets a Delivery
The episode opens with Grif and Simmons jogging over to Sarge.
"Hurry up, ladies. This ain't no ice-cream social!" ordered the gruff leader of the red team.
"'Ice-cream social?'" asked Simmons in confusion.
"While we are at the topic of food," started Marisa, looking at Alice. "Could you make more cookies? Sanae ate all of them."
Ignoring the sounds of indignation, the female puppeteer looked at Marisa, tilting her head.
"Why do you ask me? It was Reimu who made them."
The young witch raised her hands in a time-out gesture. "Hold a sec, Reimu made them?" She turned to the miko. "You can cook?!"
"Of course I can! What do you take me for?"
"I dunno. I just never figured you could cook something edible."
"... Yeah, no more free food for you."
"Aw, shit."
"Stop the pillow talk, you two," Sarge continued. "Anyone want to guess why I gathered you here, today?"
"Um, is it because the war's over and you're sending us home?" Grif asked hopefully.
"That's exactly it, private. War's over. We won. Turns out you're the big hero, and we're gonna hold a parade in your honour," Sarge's voice was practically dripping with sarcasm. "I get to drive the float, and Simmons here IS IN CHARGE OF CONFETTI!"
"Seems like we have yet another character who is easily irritated," grinned Sanae, playfully poking Reimu with her index finger.
Reimu groaned. "Curse you, Yukari."
"I'm no stranger to sarcasm, sir."
"Goddamn it, private! Shut your mouth, or else I'll have Simmons slit your throat while you're asleep!"
"Yes, it's like looking into a mirror," joked Alice. "Pity that he sounds so much older than you do. If he was younger, you two would look quite lovely together."
Face, meet table. Table, face. I'm sure you've become very well acquainted by now, so this is just a formality, but...
*Smack*
"Oh, I'd do it, too," Simmons added.
"Looks like we got ourselves a kiss ass," laughed Marisa.
"I know you would, Simmons… good man. Couple of things today, ladies: Command has seen fit to increase our ranks here at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One."
"Crap, we're getting a rookie," complained Grif.
"That's right, dead man. Our new recruit will be here within the week. But today, we receive the first part of our shipment from Command," he turned around. "Lopez… bring up the vehicle."
Cue to the brown armoured soldier driving a four-wheeled vehicle with a large cannon on the back over a hill and into vision.
"Shotgun!" exclaimed Simmons quickly.
"Shotgun!" yelled Grif one second later. Realizing that he was too late, he cursed. "Fuck."
"What is that anyway?" asked Alice, remembering it from the intro.
"Oh, that's a car," explained Sanae. "They're from the Outside World, and run by a mechanical engine."
"You mean like one of those things the kappas are working with?" asked Marisa.
"Yes, they are basically self-propelling carriages.
"Huh, neat."
"May I introduce, our new light reconnaissance vehicle. It has four inch armour plating, maaag bumper suspension, a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen, this is the M12 LRV!"
Reimu whistled in appreciation. "I have no clue what even half of that means, but it sounds impressive."
Marisa was squirming uncomfortably in her seat at the table, which got the attention of Alice.
"Is something wrong?"
"Huh? No, no," reassured the magician, giving a sideway glance to her broom, which leaned at the entrance to the room. "I just feel a little... how do I put it... insecure all of a sudden."
Marisa's look to her trademark way of travelling however didn't go unnoticed by Reimu.
"Marisa," started the Hakurei priestess with a deadpanned tone, startling the witch. "You're not getting an armed vehicle. You're causing enough property damage as it is."
Marisa shrugged sheepishly. "Hey, you can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."
Reimu's right eye twitched. "That has nothing to do with broken furniture."
"Maybe, but that was what I had for breakfast today."
"I like to call it the 'Warthog'."
"Why 'Warthog', sir?" wondered Simmons.
"A valid question," Sanae agreed.
"Because M12 LRV is too hard to say in conversation, son."
"As a good a reason as any, I suppose," relented the green-haired shrine maiden.
"No, but... why 'Warthog'? It doesn't really look like a pig," stated Grif.
"Say that again?" asked Sarge in a threatening tone.
"Treat lightly, dude," warned Marisa the orange-armoured trooper. "You're digging your own grave there."
"I think it looks more like a puma."
"... What in Sam Hill is a puma?"
"They can't be serious."
"Uh, you mean like the shoe company?" Simmons asked.
"Holy shit, they are."
"No, like a puma. It's a big cat. Like a lion."
"... You're making that up," said Sarge.
"And you were really comparing HIM with ME?" asked Reimu in exhaustion, shaking her head at the stupidity in front of her.
"Well, you can't deny the kinship between you two," smirked Marisa, patting the back of her long-time friend. "He could be your daddy! Your senile daddy, that is."
"I'm telling you, it's a real animal!"
"Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal."
"Yes, sir!" Simmons replied.
"Oh Marisa, how I'd just love to poison your food one day," grinned Alice evilly, causing everyone to slowly back away from the dark aura surrounding her. "Maybe that will teach you not to break into my kitchen and steal my food."
"At least it would add flavor to your cooking!"
"Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks. And what kind of animal has tusks?"
"A walrus," Grif answered.
"Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals!?"
"Please man, just stop talking," pleaded Reimu in disbelief.
- The scene shifted to the two blue team soldiers spying on them from the cliff -
"What is that thing?" asked Tucker.
"I don't know. It looks like, uh, looks like they got some kind of car down there," Church lowered his weapon. "We better get back to base and report it."
"A car? How come they get a car?"
"What are you complaining about, man? We're about to get a tank in the very next drop."
"What's a 'tank'?" wondered Marisa, looking at the only one in the room with knowledge of the outside.
"You'll properly find out soon enough," said Sanae, already preparing herself mentally for whatever reaction the blonde will have to something even bigger and better armed than the Warthog.
"You can't pick up chicks in a tank," complained the horndog of the blue team.
Four eyebrows were raised simultaneously at that remark.
"I have the sudden urge to murder someone," growled Marisa in an uncharacteristically deep voice.
"Such a coincidence, so do I," Sanae agreed, with an angelically smile that could freeze hell.
"Make that three," added Reimu, mirroring Sanae's expression.
There was the sound of hell freezing over a second time.
"Four."
Holy fuck, is that a blizzard?!
"Oh, you know what? You could bitch about anything, couldn't you? We're gonna get a tank, and you're worried about chicks. What chicks are we gonna pick up, man? And secondly, how are you gonna pick up chicks in car that looks like that?"
"Well, what kind of car is it?"
Church raised his sniper rifle again. "I don't know, I've never seen a car like that before. It looks like a, uh... like a big cat of some kind."
"... What, like a puma?"
"Yeah man, there ya go."
That exchange succeeded in calming the girls down, who were giggling and relaxing again.
- Back to the Reds -
"So unless anybody has any more mythical creatures to suggest as a name for the new vehicle, we're gonna stick with 'the Warthog'. How about it, Grif?"
"No, sir. No more suggestions," Grif replied, defeated.
"Are you sure? How 'bout Big Foot?"
"That's okay."
"Unicorn?"
"No, really. I'm, I'm cool."
"Sasquatch?"
"Leprechaun?" Simmons suggested.
"Like Mei-Ling?" Marisa grinned.
"Hey, he doesn't need any help, man."
"Phoenix?"
Alice giggled. "I don't think Miss Mokou would be happy to be considered on the same level as a carriage."
Grif groaned. "Christ."
"Who?"
"Hey, Simmons! What's the name of that mexican lizard? Eats all the goats?"
"Uh, that would be the chupacabra, sir," Simmons answered.
"Hey, Grif! Chupathingy, how 'bout that? I like it. Got a ring to it," he said sarcastically.
The screen cut to black.
"I actually feel a little bit bad for Grif," stated Sanae, knowing how it feels to be bullied from past experience.
"I think that it was funny," disagreed Marisa. "But then again, I drive on the misery of others."
"Yeah, no shit," grumbled Reimu.
Character Introduction
Name: Hong 'China' Mei-Ling
Race: Youkai
Age: unknown
Occupation: Gatekeeper and Gardener of the Scarlet Devil Mansion
Eyes: Teal
Hair: Scarlet
Special Features: Wears an olive green-cap with a bronze star with the Chinese character 龍 (Lóng, lit. 'Dragon') in the middle
Title: Chinese Girl
Special Abilities: Danmaku, Martial Arts, Chi Manipulation
Notes:
Hong Meiling is a youkai, though it isn't currently known which specific category she actually belongs to (rumored to be related to dragons). Despite sleeping most of the time, she's still a reliable gatekeeper and drived out many would-be invader. She's also known for her mastery of martial arts, mainly Shin-Kyaku (a move in Chinese martial arts).
With her green clothes, red hair and cheerful demeanour she kind of resembles the folklore description of Leprechauns, does she not?
Name: Fujiwara no Mokou
Race: Human
Age: over 1.300 years
Occupation: Bamboo Forest guide, claims to run a yakitori stand
Eyes: Red
Hair: Ivory
Special Features: Her clothes and hair are decorated with paper charms
Title: The Crimson Watchguard
Special Abilities: Danmaku, Eternal Youth and Immortality, Manipulation of Fire
Notes:
Formerly an ordinary human, Fujiwara no Mokou became an immortal after drinking the Hourai Elixir. Now she is unable to truely die, though she can still feel the pain of injuries as any normal human does.
Due to her longevity, Mokou has garnered much experience and is able to endure a high threshold of pain. She is also arguably the strongest human in Gensokyo and her abilities are said to be on par with some of the most elite youkai.
Since her father died trying to accomplish Kaguya's impossible requests, Mokou has a long running history of hatred for the former moon princess, with both immortals killing each other constantly.
When not fighting with Kaguya though, she aids the nearby villagers by exterminating youkai and will even guide them safely to Eientei for medical treatment. She is a loner by nature and chooses not to socialize with humans or youkai and has a dubious personality that can easily switch from friendly to threatening and back again, but her actions seem to indicate she may be a good person.
Due to her ability to control fire and her immortality, she's bears a striking resemblance to a phoenix.