Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII
Thank you to last week's reviewers - EdenXIII, Shadow, Tina, illumynna, Ledde, esobb, Cid, kyaval, Guest, Rosettast, tintinabar7, and Sue. So, some of you guys weren't too please with my ending... I get that, but I'd just like to to justify how it was for a moment. Firstly, there were many years before the epilogue, and we only ever saw the phone calls. A lot happens in people's lives outside of phone calls, and Vincent's view did fundamentally change between phone call 9 and 10. Perhaps that was a failure on my part. But secondly - life isn't often smooth, and sometimes situations aren't perfectly romantic. Sure, this is fiction, and we want our fiction to be happy and fulfilling. But for me, I like to write things a little more realistic. And this couple, I think, is one that is highly flawed and realistic and I like to reflect that in my writing. Sure, Vincent's old and wise and moody - doesn't mean he can't still be selfish and naive. Sure, Yuffie's young and peppy and sometimes obnoxious - doesn't mean she can't also be evasive and quiet and subdued. To be honest, the duality they have there is part of the reason why I enjoy their dynamic so much. Well, anyway, I just wanted to get my thought process out there. tl;dr - I'm sorry that some of you guys didn't like it :'(
Anyway, here's another one! It kinda fits around 'Phone', almost like another take on it from, a different point of view. Since I now know how much you loved that one D: But hey, may as well place the two together. Anyway, without further ado: enjoy!
040. Mistake
I'd never considered what I thought of Yuffie too terribly closely in the past. She was a companion, a friend. I related closely to her as we were both the outsiders - we weren't tied together as the others were. But I didn't relate to her as closely as I did to Cloud, we are very similar people. And I didn't feel her company as soothing as I did Nanaki's, nor did I talk to her like I did with Cid. I didn't respect her like I did Tifa, with her maternal aura and caring, even in the face of shattering heartbreak. I didn't feel awed by her, as I did by Aerith and her sacrifice, and I wasn't engaged in her conversations like I was with Reeve and Barrett. She was something different, something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on. In the early mornings when she was particularly peppy, it was an annoyance, but the rest of the time she invoked something deep in my gut which I didn't recognise. Like I'd made an awful mistake, and the embarrassment and shame and dread that clung with it.
I do not know quite why I let her into the Shinra Manor that day. It was the first time, since Omega had been defeated, that she visited. I'm not sure why she was in Nibleheim, but I let her in, to offer a shield to the bitterly cold night. Since then, she'd visited when she was in the area, and whenever else she 'felt like a break. From, you know, Edge 'n stuff.' But that night, it was a cold winter's night, the rain falling down in sheets, falling too fast to freeze into snowflakes and sleet. She appeared on my doorstep, ramming the door with her fist several times in a way I recognised as only her. I opened the door to see her shivering, her clothes sticking to her body as a second skin - the air was suddenly a lot hotter, a lot clammier, and a lot heavier. I let her in without much of a word.
Before I knew it, her lips were on mine.
She was all over me, and I could barely register what was happening. It's all so vague as I remember it - I can vaguely recall making it to my bedroom. I can remember the feel of her fingers on my skin, too warm for the cold outside and too cold for my hot skin. I remember the feel of her soft skin under my fingers, all peaches and cream. I'd not known this feeling for many, many years, and the electricity awakened within my long dormant veins made me feel as though I were on fire. I felt hot, and claustrophobic, but liberated and more energised than I had in years. The sound of her voice calling my name will resound in my head for many more years to come, haunting my dreams when I least expect it to. I never once thought it could be a mistake, never once did it cross my mind - I was too involved in my sins to think about the impact.
I felt the regret the moment I woke up the next morning. There was a knowing feeling in my gut, but not as lurching as the feeling that I had around her was. This was more sinister, rather than keeping me on edge it dragged me down, down, down... I left that sunrise, for the cave I hadn't visited in almost a year. I must've stayed there for longer than I realised, and by the time I came out again, there were several messages on my phone. From Yuffie, and Tifa and surprisingly Cloud. Yuffie sounded worried, whereas Tifa and Cloud were inviting me to a celebration - Marlene's birthday. I went, but I was on the lurch all the time. I didn't want my friends, yes, friends, to know what had happened. It was juvenile of me, but I didn't want them to judge me, the both of us, for it. I felt the regret of that mistake intensely, it dived my every move until I returned to Nibleheim. Even then, the house still smelt of her, however faintly, and every breath reminded me of her, and what a mistake I'd made.
Those months afterwards, the limbo of the interim, were the fastest yet slowest months I'd ever experienced. I kept up the hope that she'd call me, but she didn't. She just left, and she just left Edge too. I rarely visited Edge in those months, and whenever I did Tifa always looked so worried, whilst Cloud looked guilty. I knew that they felt somewhat responsible for her disappearance - they'd thought that she'd felt pushed away by the two, and thought they'd be better off if she stopped 'annoying her'. If only they knew what I knew then, I thought. I thought that if only they knew about the two of us and our excellent avoiding skills from the last few months, maybe they wouldn't look so morose all the time. Maybe Cid wouldn't seem so subdued and non-talkative. I felt so guilty, for my mistake.
That guilt was nothing compared to what I felt when I found out. I saw it on the newspaper, when I was going over to visit Cloud and Tifa six months, or maybe more, later. I was passing by a simple newsagents, when I saw the daily paper's front page emblazoned with the obnoxious print: 'YOUNGEST SAVIOUR PREGNANT?!' It made me balk, and the picture of a visibly pregnant Yuffie on the cover stopped me in my tracks. I bought the paper and turned around, returning straight home, as fast as I could get there. I remember feeling sick when I read the article, when they listed me at the top of the list of potential godfathers, of all things. I can only remember the shock at first, as it refused to sink into my mind. It was like my own personal torture again. I remember the worry, as I dared myself to think about the child, and how it could be affected by Chaos or one of the other experiments done on me. I remember how I was so angry, for her neglect of telling me. She had not contacted me regularly over the last few months - neither had many of the others at all. Perhaps an odd call from Tifa or Cid, but nothing that indicated anything. I was so upset that I'd missed this much of the event so far... So much chance in that time for change, entirely wasted. I felt so guilty, for making that mistake.
I did debate re-entering the coffin. The day after I found out, amidst a hazy daze, it beckoned. It still lay on the floor of my cellar, virtually unmoved since the day they all found me - including a confused looking Yuffie - and it was virtually unchanged since the day I slipped into it for the first time. I was certain it as the only viable option; I shut down, couldn't think any further into the future - just the past. I just wanted to escape, to escape from the looming date, and the shame and the questions and responsibility. I couldn't think at all of the good that was happening, of the new life that would be half mine and half hers... only of the dangers that I could bring. Of the chaos that came with me, and the red, alienating eyes, and the harsh white skin. I couldn't offer anything to them, so why try? I thought that if I shut myself away, they'd never come to know their father as a disappointment...
This was a mistake. I never should've considered the feeling I'd had around her as a mere coincidence, I should've noticed that it was a portent of a mistake, a grave mistake. I should never have let her in, I should've steeled my heart and curbed my emotions. I should never have given into my carnal side that night, nor her pouting lips and wide eyes. It was a mistake; it was all a mistake.
Yeah, I did debate putting a happy ending on but... nah. See lengthy not above.
Well, please review if you liked it and follow for more, other than that - Thanks!