***Disclaimer*** for creative purposes only, I claim no ownership of the fandom, characters and setting. I also don't own an iron which became problematic when I decided to make a baby blanket and taggy for my pregnant friend and was told I need to iron material first. I guess not owning a sewing machine is an issue to. Ah, well, I have enough coke zero to last me a month so you know… priorities.
Author note: Thanks to those who reviewed, followed and favourited the story. Don't forget to follow so you don't miss updates.
Good news, I fixed my lap top. Bad news, I can't get internet until October! So I want to tell Telstra to go F themselves because this is bad timing. I mean GOT season ffs. They fn know I can't spend a whole day on the phone to get them to admit they are BSing me about it too, don't fn tell me there's no phone line when I am looking at a house full of evidence to the contrary. Okay I need tol not rant about this because grrrrr.
In reply to my reviews that I couldn't PM.
Guest: I will keep going. Reactions will all be revealed soon and keep an eye out for Victoria returning. Thanks for the review I am glad you are enjoying it.
Brucas: I hope to finish it too and not add it to the unfinished list. If need be it might have a sequel so I can give at least a small conclusion and do my later plans as another fic. Thanks for reading, glad you are enjoying.
Callison: Here it is, sorry for the long wait. Hope Brooke and Noah comes off well this chapter as well, why did I almost say ep?
Guest: I just want to warn you that this is not a leyton fic, I do not ship leyton nor do I promise stability with them. I mean no offense but for those who will not be able to handle leyton not being the thing in the story then it's just a warning. I do love Peyton and try to respect her when dealing with writing necessary LP. Thank you for your thoughts, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Especially the end ;)
-x-
Chapter Five
Outside the sound of rain pelted down, surrounding the room and enveloping the world into a strange silence, Lucas could almost forget the rest of the world outside the house. There was no traffic, no background noise, just the sound of the rain as he finished the second coat of white on the walls.
The room, once filled with his own personality, was now a blank canvas; Lucas placed the roller down and wiped his forehead. Despite the rain it was a warm morning which after the rain was broadcasted to be a hot and clear weekend.
"Hey, need help?" Peyton's voice broke the spell of quiet solitude, Lucas turned his neck around to look at his fiancée, he gave her a close lipped smile.
"Just finished the undercoat, I'll be done once a take the boxes for storage up into the roof"
"I can do that" Peyton was quick to say, she stepped into the room, her tight shirt exposing her still flat stomach, "these ones?"
"No" Lucas quickly stopped her, spinning around he grabbed the box just as she lifted it, "you shouldn't be carrying boxes!"
"Don't be silly, this weighs nothing, it's so light… is this for the baby?" Peyton frowned as she caught a glimpse of material and the purple monkey they'd talked about the other week.
Shaking his head Lucas took the box from Peyton, "just some old things. You go have a shower, I'll take care of this" he gave her a wink and then a kiss before leaving not giving Peyton a chance to stop him.
Once he was up the ladder Lucas slipped the box into the attic storage, yet his fingers paused before he could push it out of reach. Sliding the box back Lucas opened it more, Angie's purple monkey was on top, he carefully lifted it up and put it aside before moving the shirt inside to the corner of the box and pulled out a smaller box tied with string.
"You okay?" Peyton's voice echoed from below.
Startled Lucas dropped the box in his hands, quickly he covered it back up and closed the flaps on the main box shoving it as far back as he could Lucas grabbed the purple monkey and stepped down the ladder.
"All good" and he went to grab another box, soon the sound of the shower joined in the melody of the rain dripping outside. Once Peyton was out Lucas had his own shower before dressing and saying goodbye to Peyton, she kissed him back and then pulled away "tell Nathan I said hi" she told him.
"Sure" Lucas nodded and reached for his keys, "I'll be back by three. Love you"
"You too" she smiled and looked back down at her laptop.
Lucas looked at her one last time before leaving. The rain stopped while he was in his car and before he knew it Lucas was pulling into the driveway, he grabbed the stuffed toy from his bag and jumped out of the car.
When Brooke answered the door her eyes widened, as her pupils shrunk the green of her iris stood out "hi, Luke, this is a surprise"
"Yeah. Just stopping by, I know you fly out soon but I wanted to give you this" Lucas held out the purple monkey and it waited there between them as their eyes met.
Inside her chest Brooke felt something squeeze, she knew he was waiting, "Luke…"
"I just thought you should have it, Peyton wanted to give it to the baby but it didn't feel right. I want you to have it to remember Angie by, to remember how special that time was"
"I-" Brooke gulped, "thanks" her finger curled around the soft fur.
Their eyes stayed connected, Lucas took a step back, burying his hands into his pockets "I better go. Bye Brooke, I hope you have a good trip"
"Bye"
He was about to turn away when instead Lucas smiled softly, "by the way, I like the hair"
Slowly Lucas turned away and jogged back to his car, Brooke sighed and closed the door. It shut with a small thump and she felt her heart turn over, Brooke placed the stuffed toy over on the side table and tried to ignore the pins and needles tickling her body.
Julian raised his brow, "what's that?" he asked from the dining table.
"Just something from a friend"
Sam grimaced, "weird. Anyway when are you guys going to stop pretending that you're actually working and can we please go get some real coffee?"
"You had a jumbo on the drive here" Julian huffed.
With a horrified expression Sam stared at him, "that was three hours ago"
"Samson, you've got a problem"
"It's not a problem if it makes everyone happy, trust me you don't want to see me before my third coffee" she shivered at the thought and Brooke gave a chuckle.
Agreeing Brooke walked around the couch to join them, "that's true"
"And as the mum her opinion counts unlike you're creepy stalker act"
Julian opened his mouth to speak but Brooke reached hi, first, hand on his shoulder she leant over him to look down at the samples "what do you think?" she spoke instead.
"They're good" he nodded and moved the Raven uniforms aside, "I like the letterman jacket design as well"
"Thanks" Brooke smiled and then grinning she looked to Sam, "come on then, we will go get your next fix before my flight"
Pulling a face Sam huffed "right and I go back to the hell house… joking"
"I hate the idea of you there" Brooke choked.
Sam shrugged, "it's kinda like high school except you never go home"
"Carine called me yesterday and she says she's going to come on Monday and assess the house" Brooke began to smile as Sam jumped up and down.
Mouth agape Sam hit Brooke in the shoulder "WHAT! And you are only just telling me, you bitch" but she laughed and grabbed Brooke in a hug.
Choosing to ignore the language Brooke wrapped her arms around Sam and closed her eyes, "I didn't want to jinx it"
"So it should be fine right?" Sam asked as they stepped apart, "I mean this means I'm coming home?"
"Next week, yes"
Sam jumped up again and this time she ran to Julian and jumped into his arms, "good for you, Samson" he grinned placing her down as the teenager beamed between them.
As happy as he was for the two brunettes Julian cut into the celebration, "hate to break up the party but if we don't leave soon you won't be getting that coffee before the plane takes off"
"Oh shit, let's go then" Sam bounced her way to the door.
Brooke narrowed her eyes but gently smiled as she followed, her tone light "language. Let's try to pretend I'm a good example before they change their minds"
"Like hell" Sam reached the car and slid in, "if I'm not back here by Friday I will just climb out the window"
Julian shook his head as he listened to their chatter yet inside he was grateful to see such smiles on their faces, he even let Sam choose the music as they drove and paid for their coffees.
By the time they reached the airport the mood had changed, Brooke became visibly nervous, "hey, it's alright" Julian told her.
In the backseat Sam kinked her brow, "you two want a moment alone?"
"No" the adults both replied at the same time and then Brooke looked at Julian, placing a hand over his she smiled timidly "thanks again. I must sound like a broken record but you've been a great friend and I don't know how I could ever repay you"
Julian inwardly flinched but grinned instead trying to act confident, "I'll think of something. Bye Brooke"
"Bye" and then she hopped out of the car to go to the back door, Sam opened it and the two hugged "I'll be seeing you soon, stay out of trouble"
"I won't do anything you wouldn't do"
"That does not comfort me" Brooke grimaced.
With a flirty smile and wiggle of the eyebrow Sam closed the door as she buckled back in, "bye, Brooke"
Brooke huffed as she stepped back onto the platform, "bye Sam" and she waved as the car drove off.
It was a short plane trip though Brooke spent it thinking over the coming weekend; as soon as she landed it would be time to go pick Noah up for the visit. They would spend the night in a resort Brooke had chosen for them yet she hadn't been this nervous about seeing Noah since she had first met him. The last visit on Wednesday hadn't gone as Brooke had expected, Noah had ignored Brooke the entire time, only saying three sentences during the visit, not once had his eyes met hers either.
Instinct had almost made Brooke buy Noah a present for this trip though she had stopped herself and reminded the child inside her that time together was a better way to show her love and commitment.
Still it was with trepidation that Brooke arrived at the academy, once again Maxine was waiting for her and this time Head Master Trinidad showed them to an empty office where Maxine instructed Brooke to sit, "how are you feeling?"
"Excited yet scared" Brooke replied honestly.
Maxine gave one of her large warm smiles and Brooke felt herself relaxing as the older woman nodded with understanding, "you'll be fine just remember not to have expectations or overwhelm Noah, you don't need to squash every memory into the weekend, you have a long future ahead of you and speaking of… we should discuss the move-"
Unable to help it Brooke straightened up eager for the reminder.
"- Now if Carine signs off on your home this week and you can provide a copy of the application to the school you have chosen for Noah then the plan is he will return home with you after next weekend. You will have your regular afternoon visit with Noah on Wednesday, then again on Thursday. On Friday you may pick Noah up in the morning and return him for his last night here, then next weekend like this weekend you can arrange to have him with you in California and you can remain here with him until you fly with him to North Carolina" Maxine smiled again before taking a breath and turning serious, "now due to the circumstances if you haven't applied to a school or he cannot start straight away I will allow it to go ahead providing that Noah is enrolled and attending school before the end of next month. Bram has offered to temporarily move to… Tree Hill-" she checked a piece of paper in front of her "-and privately tutor Noah until he returns to school"
"That won't be necessary" Brooke was quick to say, the idea of the cold and abrasive professor in Tree Hill made Brooke shiver, "I've arranged to tour three schools close by that thanks to Mister Trinidad have already said there is a spot for Noah if I choose to enrol him with them"
"All good yet if you can't supply the prove of it by the weekend then Carine will help arrange Bram to continue Noah's schooling until it is arranged"
Knowing she had to agree Brooke simply didn't say anything, soon she was leaving the office and making her own way to Noah's boarding room at the school.
When she knocked Brooke waited for the quiet "come in" and then she pushed the door open to find Noah sitting cross legged on his floor, books opened around him, "hello Brooke"
"Hi Noah" she sat down next to him, "this looks interesting"
The boy nodded and then quickly one by one closed all the books, "is it time to go now?"
"Yes. Is there anything you want to bring with you, anything at all?" Brooke gave an easy smile, her knees aching from the awkward position she sat in, nerves making her stiffen more so than she intended, yet Brooke joined her son on the floor and her eyes sparkled as she looked at Noah's skinny frame.
With quick speed Noah stacked the books and then reached for the last one and held it to his chest, "may I bring a book?"
"That sounds like a good idea. Did you pack a toothbrush and clothes? Don't forget your swimsuit"
The boy nodded and stood, he had a small backpack waiting "I have everything" green eyes staring at Brooke's neck instead of her eyes he gave a decisive nod "I am ready"
Brooke arched her brows briefly before trying to gracefully stand, for a second she fumbled and Noah reached out to steady her, "thank you" she whispered.
For a moment their eyes met, Brooke once again was fascinated about how pale and clear his green eyes were, and then to her shock he gave her a look, one brow raised that was scarily familiar, a look Brooke saw in the mirror often. For a second Noah looked older and then he was a young boy again.
Brooke lifted the bag, "I'll take this"
"Thank you" he nodded again and with his book at his side Noah exited the room leaving Brooke to follow. Maxine met them at the bottom of the staircase and greeted Noah happily, the boy spoke to the older woman in his usual dry tone yet Brooke could hear the true affection in his words.
Grateful for everything Brooke shocked Maxine by hugging her as they said goodbye and then gently guided Noah to her rental car, it was with a deep sense of satisfaction that Brooke watched Noah buckle his seat and then she started the engine. Truly alone with her son for the very first time Brooke wanted to dance, she wanted to sing to the world, yet she resisted trying to act calm and collected for Noah.
Noah was his usual silent self as they made their way to the resort Brooke went between giving Noah quiet time and chatting easy to him even if he seemingly ignored her, though she knew he listened carefully to everything she said.
As soon as they were out of the car Brooke slipped on her large sunglasses and carrying their bags she walked with her high heels clicking with Noah by her side. The fashion designer in Brooke was already looking forward to seeing Noah in something other than a school uniform or something that looked like a uniform. Clothes should express the personality of the person wearing them and Brooke was mentally dressing her son.
After checking in they settled into their two bedroom suite and Brooke placed their bags in each of their rooms, she slipped off her heels by her bed and called for Noah to join her.
"Hey, sweetie, I have something to show you, come over here" Brooke motioned for him to join her and Noah slowly met her by the bed, his neck craning to see what Brooke was holding on the bed.
Once Noah was close enough Brooke handed him the gift box, "this is yours" and she held it out.
Tentatively Noah took the box, "sit on the bed" Brooke instructed casually and Noah placed the box down to climb onto the bed as Brooke sat down on the edge, inching closer to the top she made herself comfortable and lifted one leg up as she leant against the pillows.
Crawling with the box Noah joined Brooke at the pillows and sat cross legged as he opened the gift.
Brooke held a breath as Noah lifted the book up, it had been Carine who had told Brooke what to put in it and Brooke had added some personal extras.
Without prompting Noah spread across the bed next to Brooke, his back against the pillows and the book in his lap. The book was opened to the first page, Brooke leaned over and tapped the large photo "this is a picture of me at my store in Tree Hill" she turned the page "and this is our house, and your room…" Brooke smiled, "I got you bunk beds so you can choose if you want to sleep up top or down bottom"
"I like the bookshelf" Noah mumbled, his eyes narrowing as he looked at the pictures.
"We still need to fill it" she held in a grin and watched Noah turn the page, "that's Sam"
"The girl who lives with you?"
"Yes" Brooke ran a finger over Sam's glossy face, in the photo the teenager was sitting on the kitchen counter with a tub of ice cream, under that photo was a picture of Brooke and Sam together at outside Tric.
The next two pages were of locations Brooke dreamt of taking Noah to, her favourite part of the river and her spot on the beach, the river court and the park she had taken Jamie to every chance she got.
Brooke turned the page and sucked in a breath, "this is me in high school and that's Lucas, your dad" Brooke licked her lips, grateful she hadn't burned all the photos of the two of them together. The next page was Nathan and Haley's wedding which allowed Brooke to show Noah his aunt and uncle, and his grandmother, "she's going to love you so much" Brooke grinned and turned the page again this time with an updated photo of Karen with Lily next to her, "and that's your Aunt, her name is Lily and she's even younger than you, Lily is the same as your Uncle Nathan's son Jamie, and here he is, he's your cousin" Brooke had written names under all the pictures.
After the last page was turned and Brooke had shared a little bit about the whole Tree Hill gang she gave Noah's hair a soft touch, "you can keep this"
"What about your family?" Noah asked, his head tilted towards her but his eyes still on the book.
Brooke sighed "this is my family. You and them"
"But you aren't married to my father?"
"No. He's with Peyton, the-"
"Curly haired lady"
"Yeah. But they're my friends, sometimes your friends are your family too" even as she said the words a sharp pain pierced through Brooke because she was keenly aware of the lack of family she had and as much as she loved those in her life she knew how fragile her connections with them were, that all it would take is one mistake, one misunderstanding, one moment to break the bond and become nothing to each other. There was a difference. At the moment they all seemed to be more than just family, but all bonds can break.
Brooke stared at Noah. This though, this was forever. There was nothing Noah could ever to stop Brooke loving him, nothing to stop her trying, and it was her mission to let him know that and feel that so they could always be there for each other.
For the first time ever Brooke had a family of her own, a real family. It may be small yet it was hers.
-x-
The next morning Brooke woke, she instantly knew it must be before five yet she was suddenly wide awake unable to sleep. Without opening her eyes Brooke smiled, in his sleep Noah had rolled over so his cheek rested on Brooke's shoulder, his soft hair tickling her nose, and his arm flung across her. Brooke was uncomfortable, wet from Noah's drool, and she was burning warm on one side and freezing cold on the other, and it was the best moment in her life so far.
The warmth and affection, Noah's vulnerability, it was the most she had received from him so far even if it was unintentional as they fell asleep together on the bed as Noah read Brooke a story in his bed. Still smiling Brooke settled into the pillow deeper and with her free arm covered the both of them again and tucked the corner on her side under her bottom. Like her Noah was a blanket hog.
With a deep breath Brooke sniffed in the clean smell of Noah's hair and then let it out slowly. For two hours Brooke stayed still enjoying the feel of her child sleeping next to her, imaging their bright future ahead of them. Finally as the sun started to peek through the window Brooke left the bed and had a quick shower, she blow dried her hair and slipped on the dress from her fall line last year. It wasn't Brooke's usual style for her own self yet it was something different, something new, bluer than her normal outfits though Brooke thought it matched the lighter hair tone she now sported, the colour and highlights turned her usual medium to dark brown hair to a soft light sandy brown that shone. The restyle was a little shorter than usual, especially at the back, yet Brooke had hoped it would allow her to get around with Noah unrecognised for a while so she could focus all her attention on him.
Barefoot Brooke went into the living area of their suite, stepping over the scrabble tiles scattered on the floor and checked on a still sleeping Noah before cleaning up the mess they'd left out the day before.
Just as Brooke was about to sit down on the couch Noah came out of the other room, rubbing his eyes, still looking sleepy, "good morning" she quietly alerted him and Noah turned his attention to her before looking around the room.
"Good morning" he replied back in a monotone, his skinny body straight and stiff.
Breaking the mood Brooke suggested ordering room service for breakfast and started to ask him if there was anything he wanted to do, Noah shook his head, clearly in one of his more introverted moods, "what about the beach?"
"I've never been to the beach"
"What? Well I think that settles it then, would you like that?"
Noah's nose twitched, "I think so"
Wanting to give him space Brooke went and packed for the day while they waited for breakfast, inside she was brimming with excitement and the idea of taking Noah to the beach for the first time, thrilled she gets to experience a first experience with him.
Breakfast was a silent affair and then Noah went to shower, when he came off there was an aura to him, though he appeared calm and collected Brooke could see a light in his green eyes, a shimmer of pleasure and anticipation.
Grinning, dimples on thick display, Brooke looped the bag over her shoulder, "ready?"
-x-
"Are you ready?" Peyton asked, she huffed when there was no response "Luke?"
"Sorry, did you say something?" Lucas narrowed his eyes in confusion, immediately going back to the mess around him, "hey babe, have you seen my black... don't worry found it-"
"Luke, can you stop for a second" Peyton cut in, crossing her arms the angry blond glared at her partner "we are meant to be looking at venues today"
"That's today?" he froze, hands still above the folder he was about to grab, shoulders dropping Lucas sighed, "the appointments not until the afternoon I thought, I have to meet Julian" he sighed again at the cold look Peyton gave him, "Peyt, can I just meet you there later-"
"What about the churches?"
Picking up the folder Lucas shrugged, "I trust your judgement, it's not like I haven't seen them all before"
"Fine but don't blame me if you're left at the same alter twice" it came out in a sarcastic drawl.
"Ha ha" Lucas was not amused, "how about I give you a lift to Brearley Rd and pick you up from Saint Maria's when I'm done with Julian? Two hours tops I promise" satisfied with the compromise he tried to charm her with a Scott smirk.
Unable to stay angry at him Peyton relented, a part of her wished Lucas wasn't so focused on the movie and she was still solemn as the two of them drove down the street.
"I'm sorry" his words came out hollow, "we have plenty of time to plan for the wedding, that's why we didn't elope remember so we could have all the time to make the day special"
"That's easy for you to say" she snapped her face to look at him "you're not the one who has to worry about walking down the aisle bigger than a whale"
"And you will still be beautiful" he grinned, "you're not fat Peyton, you're pregnant-"
"Did you just call me fat?"
His blue eyes widened, "no, no, I said you are not fat, the complete opposite of saying you are fat"
"Are you saying I look fat?"
"Okay, now you're being unreason-" his words stopped midsentence as Peyton reached over and hit his shoulder with his folder "PEYTON, I'm driving" Lucas inwardly swore and would have said something about hormones but was afraid of the reaction.
Half joking Peyton rolled her eyes, "lucky otherwise I might do worse. I think you owe me ice cream"
"I feel like I've been trapped in a corner here"
"A big tub for tonight and I won't share" she smirked.
Lucas gave her an indulgent smile, "it's a deal" I'll get my own anyway "tonight we can block out the rest of the world, just you and me, candle lit dinner, three course meal"
"I like the sound of that. I have to meet Haley and Mia later but I should be home by seven and we can shut out the world then" she wriggled her eyebrows and Lucas laughed.
It was easy, this life of happiness with clear direction in front of him, no complications, no drama. Lucas had made his choices, and put all the what if, could be, doubt behind him, locking it up deep inside and walking away.
-x-
The day was perfect, clear and bright, the sand warm beneath their feet and the shore quiet. Other families played along the beach, children splashing unworried in the shallows, Brooke had relished the normality of it, and here she was spread out on her stomach along the beach towel, working up a tan as she helped Noah build a sandcastle.
Overly precise Noah was meticulous as he slowly moulded the wet sand, his brow furrowed in concentration, he had a way of showing Brooke what he wanted her to do without even saying a word. The fashion icon patted and smoothed the wall closest to her and then rolled over and sat up, "I'll go get some more water" bucket in hand Brooke leisurely jogged to the edge of the water then walked in far enough to scoop up a bucket of water.
Eyes still on Noah she smiled from afar, today had been everything Brooke could have dreamt of even if he had insisted on putting on his own sunscreen, with the bucket heavy and full Brooke walked back towards Noah, and this time she was slower and she tried to stop the bucket from spilling.
They went back to work, Brooke more observing than contributing, "it looks amazing Noah" Brooke told him with enthusiasm as Noah's pace slowed. Leaning back on his folded legs the boy rubbed his hands together to wipe sand off his hands, "best sand castle I have ever seen" she finished.
Noah glanced up, "it's a fort"
"Best sandfort I've ever seen then" she tried not to sound sarcastic and quickly changed the subject "what if we have another swim before lunch?" there was no doubt Noah would agree, Brooke had quickly learnt that her son enjoyed swimming and it appeared to be the only true recreational activity he indulged in.
Yet twenty minutes later when Brooke told Noah it was time for lunch he made no complaint, following close behind the older woman as they packed up their things and headed back to the hotel to change before leaving once again to explore the strips along the beach. It was a small cosy restaurant that Brooke eventually led Noah to, finding a seat at one of the window tables.
Suddenly talkative Noah started discussing the Great Barrier Reef off the coast of Australia, Brooke didn't know enough to comment on the facts he listed off yet listened intently while they read the menus at the same time. When the waitress came Brooke gave her order, with a tap of her pencil the young girl smiled at Brooke "and your son?"
For a split second Brooke was almost confused and then her surroundings came back to her and Brooke looked at Noah who was watching her with his pale eyes. Her son. Grin growing wide Brooke felt the tingles run up her arms, "do you know yet?"
"Yes" he looked to the waitress, "may I please have eggs benedict and an orange juice"
"Coming your way" the young waitress winked at him and Brooke smiled on with pride at how cute and polite Noah was, she itched to smooth back his wet hair and instead took a sip of her drink.
"Eggs benedict?" Brooke kinked her brow in question.
Noah gave a soft nod, "yes, I like eggs" and then he gave a smile and Brooke wanted to get out a camera and take a photo yet resisted.
Eyes so similar to her own stared at Brooke, almost unblinking, "what do I call you?" like always his tone was the same ad it was hard for Brooke to read his emotions.
"Well, I think that is completely up to you" giving a soft smile, dimples still deep, Brooke tried to wear her heart on her sleeve yet not come off too strong "I would love you to one day call me Mom but when that day is will be your decision, so you can call me anything you like, you can even just call me hey you" she lowered her voice is a whisper as if it was a secret and added "most people call me Brooke"
Two blinks later Noah folded his hands over each other on the table, "I'll think about it"
"We have a long time to figure that out, I'm not going anywhere" Brooke reassured. It was a promise she knew she could keep, no matter what it took.
When it came time to say goodbye Brooke got down in front of Noah, "I'm so glad I found you again. I'm going to miss you like crazy"
"Thank you" he stared at the ground, "I had a lovely time"
"Me to and I will see you again soon" she wanted to hug him but Brooke held back and was grateful when Noah looked up to look at her, "bye, Noah"
After a heartbeat Noah took a step back "bye"
Heart thumping Brooke left Noah by the opened school door, ignoring Bram who stood with him, she was two metres away when she heard her son's voice "wait… wait" and Brooke flung around her arms almost opened to welcome him but Noah wasn't asking for a hug, he had stop a few steps away from her, hand out, "you can have this. I would like you to have this, I found it at the beach" in his open palm was a sandy rock and as Brooke took it and ran her fingers over it she rolled the rock in her hand seeing the fossil on the other side.
It wasn't a hug yet Brooke wondered if it was just as good, it filled her with warmth, "thank you Noah, I love it and I will take very good care of it" because Brooke knew she had just been given a bit of his small heart.
-x-
It was now or never, Brooke knew she had to do it and the timing was never going to be perfect but Lucas had to find out at some point especially as Brooke wanted to get things ready for Noah as soon as possible and she couldn't keep it a secret for long. It had been hard enough already and Brooke had to make sure Lucas was the next one to find out. After much thought Brooke decided it would be best to tell Lucas by himself away from Peyton and then let him tell her. At least she hoped he would tell her.
There were few times Brooke was as nervous as the moment she knocked on the front door. Seconds ticked by her stomach churning. Grateful she didn't eat on the plane as her stumbled danced inside her as the silence stretched. Brooke knew Lucas was home yet there was no answer, refusing to give up Brooke went around to the entrance into the kitchen and knocked again - still no answer.
Third times the charm, the anxious brunette went to the last door. The one that entered into Lucas' old room, she could hear noise and she knocked. This time when there was no response Brooke simply opened the door and froze.
Lucas stood shirtless and shoeless in only a pair of slacks, headphones in his ears, Brooke almost wanted to smile at the sight of him lip-syncing the lyrics to the song he was listening to as he painted the walls a soft yellow. The room was bare and Brooke had a sudden pang of loss, so many memories of walking through this very door hit her.
It was a moment before Lucas realised he wasn't alone, he quickly tore off his headphones "Brooke!"
"Hi Luke, I knocked but…"
"Sorry about that. Ah, Peyton isn't home"
This was it. Brooke stepped forward "Actually I'm here to talk to you" it felt more and more awkward. Lucas was clearly surprised and trying to hide it, he quickly dropped the roller.
A hand went to the back of his neck "sure, ah come in, let's go to the kitchen, you want something to drink?" he was already out of the room leaving Brooke to follow him.
It was a landmine as Brooke stepped over supplies and then the boxes stacked along the hallway, she called out after him "no I'm fine" and she entered the kitchen. Lucas was already standing with a beer, he'd been sweating and looked relieved to take a break. Brooke noticed his bare stomach and made a point not to let her eyes stray down, "you wanna get a shirt?"
He laughed but disappeared and then returned wearing a blue hoodie "how you doing?"
Where to begin? Brooke didn't know what to say or do so she took a seat, the speed of her action causing the chair to scratch the floor with a loud screech and looked for from the graceful movements she usually made. Sensing something was wrong Lucas sat down too "hey, Brooke, talk to me?"
"I need to tell you something. Something big and I know-" she gulped "- you are going to have a hard time understanding and I know this is bad timing and it's going to change everything-"
"Brooke, you're rambling" he stopped her.
Their eyes locked, he was smiling with a look that screamed everything is okay and it made it that much harder. Brooke couldn't look away, this wasn't unusual, no matter the state of their relationship or friendship their eyes had this way of just freezing together like everything else disappeared. It made talking to each other really easy and other times that much harder.
"You're not going to like me" she whispered.
With that Lucas stiffened, he straightened up, backing up as far from Brooke as he could without moving from the kitchen chair. Lucas didn't know what Brooke wanted to tell him but he knew it wasn't going to be an enjoyable conversation. He was at a loss, truthfully Lucas had to admit that since his engagement to Peyton he'd lost touch with Brooke which made it even stranger that she was knocking at his door wanting to talk. Thoughts crossed his mind. Did she know something? Perhaps something about Peyton he wouldn't like.
Neither spoke for a few minutes and then he moved in the chair and Brooke spoke.
"You have a son"
The words confused him, he didn't quite understand, he didn't know what they were having, Peyton wasn't far enough along yet, his thoughts were jumbled in the few seconds before she added slowly, "we have a son"
Without even processing that he was speaking aloud the words slipped from between Lucas' lips "I don't understand"
Their eyes didn't break from each other, she let it slip out "I lied to you in junior year when I said I wasn't pregnant and when I went to my parents that summer I gave birth to a baby boy that I gave up for adoption or I-"
Lucas' expression changed, he no longer looked like the man Brooke knew, an unknown look pierced her to the spot as Luke banged the table with his fist stopping her mid-sentence "stop it" he gritted "you weren't pregnant"
Tears beginning to build at the corner of her eyes Brooke simply nodded to say she had been.
In disbelief Lucas shook his head "I would have known if you were pregnant, you must have been-"
"Five months" she whispered, Brooke didn't know why a stupid laugh escaped as a tear rolled down her cheek "I was barely showing, I lost like fifteen pounds the first trimester"
A part of Lucas wanted to believe Brooke was lying yet he knew she wouldn't do that, not now not after so many years. At the same time he wondered why she was choosing now to tell him something that would only cause pain.
A son. A little boy he'd never known and never will know. Lucas did the maths and realised the baby would have to be six by now. Lucas was in pain, he could feel the need to cry, the need to rage, his whole body felt like it was on fire, "why are you telling me this now?" he stood as he yelled the words, the chair falling with a bang.
Brooke jumped. If there was one thing she never thought Lucas would make her feel it was scared of him though now Brooke wasn't so certain any more. She stumbled over the words "I'm sorry, Luke. I never meant for you to find out like this"
"Sorry doesn't cut it and how'd you expect me to find out?" he shook his head still unable to really put everything together and what it all meant. Lucas had woken up knowing his life and now he felt like everything was a lie, the ground had gone out from under him. Her big eyes appeared black with how large the pupils were, Brooke looked so vulnerable and it kicked him in the guts. A vulnerable Brooke held a beauty, so open and he'd thought honest but looking at her now Lucas couldn't fathom how she'd kept this from him. There was something else Luke noticed, "you didn't" he answered his own question.
"I thought it would be easier that way, it wouldn't hurt you if you didn't know" more whispers. A simple plan Brooke had always thought, she could carry the knowledge and the pain, the ache that something was forever missing.
It kept circling in Lucas' head, a son, a son, a son. Unable to look at Brooke Lucas turned his back on her.
While his back was turned Brooke slipped the envelope from her purse and slid it across the table, she had anticipated that a conversation wouldn't allow a chance for everything to be said and had prepared for it, ready to go and give Lucas some time Brooke took a step back "I wrote you a letter, it explains everything. When you're ready you can find me" her words hung between them. Lucas didn't move and didn't speak so Brooke quickly left.
In the distance Lucas heard the door close; he turned his head to the side yet caught no glimpse of her. Slowly turning Lucas eyed the letter and then gave in and picked the chair up to take a seat again. Opening the envelope he pulled the letter out not sure if he was ready.
Lucas,
I can't explain fully why I lied to you but I do know that once I came back after the summer I knew it was too late to tell you the truth then. Do you remember telling me that you had wanted to be older and in love when you became a dad? You told me you would be there for me no matter what I chose. This was my choice. I guess you wanted to comfort me and not scare me but you did. I'm not saying it was your fault. I thought long and hard. We didn't have the best childhood. I know you had Karen and Keith, and I can't imagine two better parents but even you know what a hole it left not having a real family You know what I mean, a Mom and Dad to love and protect you. That picture perfect family. I guess when I thought of what I wanted for our baby I wanted better than what we had. Lucas, I loved him so much before he was even born and I knew you would too. Loving him wouldn't be a problem.
You threw me for a loop when you told me you wanted to be with me again before I left. I knew I was leaving to give our baby away. I didn't even know if I would even be able to come back. I wanted to tell you then but it had been so long, what would we have done, what would it change. Well we couldn't make it so I guess it was best the baby wasn't in the middle of that. I did think about what if, all the time, but I kept strong knowing he was loved and safe. It's not an excuse but after the parents I had I didn't know what a family was. I had a dream and I tried to make it a reality for the life we created together.
I thought I did everything right, I thought I was doing the selfless thing. There were so many couples wanting to adopt and I made sure to look for the best. That's all I wanted, the best for him. I found them, they lived on this huge property, they had money but they were real, you know, real people who just wanted to love. The mom was going to stay at home with the baby. The dad was a little dorky but sweet. Thinking about the family our son would have got me through the doubts. It got me through a lot of dark days.
It wasn't an easy pregnancy. I had trouble gaining weight and six weeks before my due date I was induced and gave birth to a small but loud little boy. It was August the 23rd and I will never forget it. I never saw him, I never touched his skin. It was the hardest day of my life. On the outside I tried to forget it had happened because I wasn't sure how I would survive otherwise. Inside I carried my baby around with me.
The truth is I never planned to tell you. I had this aching pain inside me and I thought I was protecting you and your future by keeping the pain inside me only. That probably sounds stupid but it's true. It doesn't change anything and I expect you will be mad, confused, broken. Just know I didn't do it to hurt you.
My secret was never meant to come out, not because I was ashamed but because I thought I was protecting everyone. And that brings me to now and why it's changed.
When I tried to foster Sam I found out that they couldn't approve me because to my shock I had a child in the system. My world turned upside down. My son was meant to be safe and loved. I told myself there had to be a mistake.
I have since found out that the couple that was meant to adopt Noah, that's our son, Noah. The couple cancelled the adoption when they found out they were having their own baby. Instead of telling me Victoria orchestrated for the truth to be kept from me so I wouldn't keep the baby and instead of being adopted Noah was placed in the foster care system.
If I had known I would have never let it happen and I can't keep him there Lucas. I know that this changes things, hell it changes everything. And it's the worse time to bring the past up for you and Peyton. But I'm getting our son back. I will move mountains to make sure he gets the love he deserves. I can give him that love and a home.
It's not the white picket fence I dreamt for Noah all those years ago and I can't go back and change what happened but I know when I bring Noah home to his family he will be loved by all of us.
I'm not asking for forgiveness. I'm asking for the support you promised me back then. And you to open your heart to a little boy who needs us.
The letter wasn't signed.
Unable to move Lucas sat there at the table, the letter in his hand staring at the handwriting until the words were just a blur. It didn't matter, he didn't need to read it again, Lucas was lost on his thoughts, lost in a past full of memories. Everything came back to him, he analysed it, went over it all, trying to figure out when things changed, if there was anything he missed that should have revealed the truth.
Time disappeared, Lucas had no idea what the hour was, yet he stood and moved, racing to his car he drove with purpose until he was in front of the same door he'd knocked on just yesterday morning.
Yesterday was a whole lifetime ago.
And then the door opened and two words fell out of his mouth.
"I'm here"
-x-
Next chapter: I had to do it, I needed the reveal Brooke has already waited too long and I needed it to be Lucas. It's bad enough Julian found out first but for his sake I couldn't have anyone else find out before he did. It's was hard to do the time this one, I wanted to show the weekend and time moving but without following every single thing.. I hope it wasn't too choppy.
Hugs,
Mickei.