We are a bit late we know, we thank you for your patience and understanding, so here is some heart wrenching angst angst in this chapter. Also thanks to our reviewers and readers you make this eve so fun and ruby throne we hope this is what you are looking for.
As the rest of the crew and Ahsoka reached the Ghost, Sabine again asked, "What is the plan for Ezra?"
Ahsoka spoke up as she got a datapad out, "We're going to help him-,"
"I know we are," Sabine interrupted impatiently, "But I mean once he's healed up. What are we going to do with an 11 year old, who is severely mentally scared kid?"
The others were silent. Ahsoka thought of it before she answered, "It seems the answer to that will fall onto Kanan and yourselves."
The crew was a little shocked by the statement; Ahsoka continued.
"The force works in mysterious way. That is the first philosophy they teach at the temple. I believe the force meant for Kanan and Ezra to meet."
Hera then pondered, "You think that's why the two are so close; the force?"
Ahsoka thought of it for a moment before she smiled, "They have a force connection. I sensed it when we were in the medbay."
Zeb asked a little confused, "Is that a good thing?"
Ahsoka chuckled, "It is a very good thing Garazeb. It means the two have a bond, where they can relate to one another. As painful as this experience was for the both of them, it aided in their already strong connection. Those who have suffered the same way tend to make the strongest of friend's."
Sabine smiled at what Ahsoka said, "So if Ezra stayed with us, it would be in his and Kanan's best interest."
Ahsoka smiled at Sabine, "It would seem to be the case."
The young Mandalorian smiled at the idea, seeming pleased that the child would remain in their company for a while.
"Speaking of those two, I should probably check in on them," Hera implied as she got up to head towards the med bay.
"I'll escort you," Ahsoka insisted, "I need to see Sato anyways.
With that the two women headed towards the Phoenix squadrons quarters.
"Something you wish to talk about?" Ahsoka pondered as she noticed Hera's distracted appearance.
Hera thought of what she would say before she asked, "In all my years of knowing Kanan, I have never seen him so traumatized before. It was like he was a beaten to the point where he could not take any more. Kanan freaked just because he saw a needle and a tube. The doctor confirmed he was drugged with tons of drugs which probably were used to break him. Ezra said they must have used a new serum that makes your blood burn, on Kanan. Ezra told us they tested new drugs on him until they shifted and did it to Kanan instead. I can't stand what the Inquisitor has done to him, to them! That beast has tried real hard to bring Kanan down, and I fear he has succeeded. It just so painful to watch him be so scared, both him and Ezra look so horrified."
As Hera explained all this, her eyes held back the tears of the strong woman.
Ahsoka place a firm reassuring hand on the twi'leks shoulders, "It will take time, but they will overcome this ordeal. I actually wanted to talk to about a possible….therapy sessions with me."
Hera was stunned, "You want to shrink them? I know they need help but are you sure you can handle it?"
Ahsoka explained with confidence, "I have had plenty of experience helping soldiers and fellow rebels overcome dramatic ordeals. Plus the fact that i know how the force added in them overcoming the struggle, I am the best person to talk to them."
Hera knew Ahsoka was right, so she nodded her head and agree.
Ahsoka smiled, "We can start when they feel up for it. For their sake I hopes it is soon." With that Ahsoka left as Hera headed to the med bay.
Hera walked to the door to check on Kanan and Ezra. To her big surprise she found Ezra curled up in Kanan's arms peacefully sleeping. It would seem like Ezra was not so reserved around Kanan well she was happy that he liked Kanan so much. The experience of nearly being forced to kill … Kanan it must have done something to them. Hera did not blame Ezra but it was a hard thing to get use to, that they housed a child which the Inquisitor had tried to force the poor thing to kill Kanan. It made her sick to think how close they had come to losing Kanan, how close she was at losing him. How could she have left him to such a fate? Kanan must have been close to breaking when they finally found him, his weak physical state and his panicked reaction yesterday showed that all to clearly. Perhaps his saving grace was the child that had spared his life. Kanan certainly cradled him like it was the most important thing he had ever had which surprised her as Kanan normally wasn't this open with affections.
Hera gently knocked on the door to let Kanan know she was there.
"Hera, what's up?" Kanna asked.
Hera smiled as she sat on the cot next to the male human's, "I talked to the doctors about starting some therapy for you."
Kanna nodded his head in agreement, "Great, it will be nice when I can walk without these crutches."
Hera though I continued, "I'm not just talking about physical therapy,"
Kanan though seemed puzzled by what he knew Hera meant.
"I think you need to explain what you went through with someone" Hera explained at Kanan's puzzlement.
"Hera, I admit I had a bad experience, but I don't think I need to see a shrink." Kanan protested.
Hera though stood firm with the idea, "The event yesterday proves you need help, the doctor had to drug you to keep your heart from raising. You panicked over seeing a needle and tube. Love .. what did they do to you to make you freak out that way?" Hera asked.
Kanan was hesitant to answer but managed to tell her. "They drugged me, a lot. When it was the troopers who administered they did not know where the veins were, so they just pinched me time and time again until they hit the vain. They used many different types of drugs but the worst was when I could not feel the force and then ...
Kanan though could not say anymore, the images he saw during the drugged hallucinations. Kanan did not wish for Hera to have that implanted in her head.
Hera was horrified at this, what horror must it not have been to have so many beatings and forced drugs. Hera could not contain her anger for the Empire, to mistreat someone this way, drugging people senseless and then beating and torturing them so merciless was cruel. This proved the Empire was horrible.
Hera though shook her head, "Kanan, just going over what happened can help one move on from the experience; and it's not just for you." Hera looked down at the sleeping child, with a gentle smile on her face.
Kanan was now very confused, "Ezra's just a kid, you really think he'll need that type of therapy?"
Hera though turned the questioning around, "Do you think he could move past his traumatic year without it?"
Kanan looked a little troubled at the idea, but he knew Hera was right.
Hera continued, "Ezra needs it just as badly as you do. That's why I think you two going through it together, both physical and mental therapy, would do you both some good."
Kanan hesitated to reply. It seemed odd to talk to someone about his problems.
Hera, already knowing Kanan's discomfort, came up with a solution, "Ahsoka has offered to counsel you two."
Kanna sighed in submission, he knew Hera would not stop until he agreed, and if it was with Ahsoka, and if it would help Ezra, then why not?
SWR
The next morning, Kanan and Ezra got up early. Once they ate and got cleaned up, they waited patiently for Ahsoka to come talk with them. A talk that Ezra was already uncomfortable with.
"You know Ahsoka is a friend of mine, right?" Kanan pointed out to the child.
Ezra pouted as he stated, "But bad things happen when I'm near her. First, she makes me pass out; and the last time I saw her, you woke up and began freaking out in the Bacta tank."
Kanan chuckled a bit when he came up with an idea, "It's a shame you don't like her."
Ezra seemed conflicted, "It's not that I don't like her, its just… she seems like us, but when she is around bad things happen. You're like me and good things have happened."
Kanan chuckled at the child's 'logic' before he told him, "Well this time will be a positive experience, promise."
As Kanan ruffled Ezra's hair for reassurance, the kid smiled up at him and nodded that he believed Kanan
Soon, Ahsoka entered the room, despite not appearing scared of her, Ezra still clung to Kanan's side.
"Morning you two," Ahsoka greeted them as she sat in a nearby chair, "How are you guys doing?"
Kanan was honest, "Okay, despite the circumstances."
Ahsoka nodded at the statement, "That is understandable considering what you two have gone through."
Ahsoka then noticed Ezra was not looking at her, "I also have a feeling I may be part of the discomfort."
Kanan saw Ezra was conflicted by the Torguta woman, but then asked, "Are you really going to help Kanan and me?"
Ahsoka smiled as she replied, "I am going to try. But in order for me to help you, you both need to be open so you can help yourselves."
Kanan nodded his head, as did Ezra, (though he was not entirely sure what he was nodding his head to).
"So why don't we start of with, how you both got sent to the base." Ashoka suggested.
"Why?" Ezra asked, uncomfortable about talking about it.
Ahsoka explained, "In order to help you heal from the experience, one has to reflect on what happened so they can move on."
Ezra though hesitated to talk about. Kanan knew that he would have to take the first step.
"I was on a mission with you and the rest of the crew," Kanan began to tell Ahsoka, "We were on Lothal scouting a cave we believed housed kyber crystals…" Kanna continued his tale of being captured. Ezra was shocked that Kanan talked about it with confidence, that it didn't scare him as he recalled being captured; that ultimately lead to being tortured by the Inquisitor.
"...that was when I was brought to the base." As Kanan finished, while he shivered at the end, seemed to feel lighter by talking about it.
Ahsoka smiled as she sensed his lightness, "I thank you, for sacrificing yourself for us."
"It is what a Jedi does" Kanan said confidently but with a solemn tone.
Ezra was silent at Kanan's story, "I wish I was brave like you," Ezra wallowed.
Kanan though was confused by the kid, " why do you feel like you aren't brave?"
Ezra was silent for a bit, not looking at either adult.
Kanan then told Ezra, " because I think your the bravest one here."
Kanan smiled at how shocked Ezra was at the idea, "but I never did anything like you did"
Kanan then turned serious as he told Ezra, "kid, when I was captured, I was scared that at any second, something worse than the torment before was going to happen. I wished to escape, even if the escape was through death, cause then I would be away from this place. I did not wish to die but all the way through it I knew it would most likely end that way. Sooner or later the Inquisitor would kill me when he did not get anything out of me. I feared that the longer I stayed alive the higher the risk of spilling something. That was why when that moment came, I thought it was a win win, I died and got away from this place, and I could help you live. You had a way out, and despite what the inquisitor would do to you, that he would torment and execute you; you took a stand that most grown men wouldn't take and said no,that you would rather die alongside me. That kid makes you pretty brave".
Ezra clung to Kanan while crying he would not meet his eyes and it seemed like Ezra was afraid that he would push him away from him. They sat silently for some time while Kanan hugged Ezra.
"Ezra … why did you you not kill Kanan?" Ahsoka asked gently.
Ezra looked at Ahsoka unsure if he was to answer him, first when Kanan gently stroke his head, he spoke up.
"Because he did not deserve to die, I did not have a right to kill him. Kallus perhaps but not him. Kanan reminded me … reminded me of..." Ezra trailed off.
"Off who? Kanan asked having a hard time containing his curiosity.
"You reminded me of my parents" Ezra mumbled.
Kanan and Ahsoka both winced when Ezra said the first part and looked at each other with worries. For a child to admit he felt he had a right to shoot someone was unsettling. For the first time since he had woken up did Kanan recall Ezra having used the dark side. Even so this did not seem to be right time as Ezra burying himself into Kanan crying softly. Kanan hugged Ezra back and tried to soothe him. There was also the question of his parents, where were they? Where they even alive? After some time Ezra stopped crying.
Ezra continued, "When I felt Kanan there, it was a secure, strong presence. It reminded me of my mom and dad. Even how he spoke up against the Inquisitor reminded me of something they would do."
Ezra wiped his tears away when he looked up to Kanan.
"Kanan why did you get angry the Inquisitor so much? Why did you speak up for me? You nearly did not survive, and for a stranger" Ezra questioned and looked up at Kanan.
Ahsoka looked slightly confused.
"What are talking about?" Ahsoka asked confused.
Kanan turned his head and looked at Ahsoka, he was about to tell when Ezra to his big surprise spoke up.
"On the base they dragged me to the courtyard. Kanan was there cuffed and beaten all though I did not know him. The Inquisitor said I had to .. that I had to …" Ezra mumbled.
"The Inquisitor demanded Ezra to kill me. I spoke up against that and called the Inquisitor a monster. The Inquisitor did not take that lightly and .. asked for whip. They forced me to the ground and then the Inquisitor started … whipping me. … The pain was so bad" Kanan told Ahsoka with some breaks to relieve Ezra from saying it. During his explanation, he ran his hands over his head to relieve some tension he had from reliving that moment.
"Then why did you speak up, he nearly killed you? It was horribly to look at" Ezra asked.
Kanan trembled to a bit when he answered.
"Ezra when the Inquisitor whipped me it hurt worse than ever whip .. my back it burned so horribly, I was sure I was going to die. Each whiplash was worse than the last, near the end I could not even feel the blood running all I could think of was getting away. Yet I would not have changed anything if I could. I would never live with myself if I did not speak up against a child being forced to kill. Not even when the Inquisitor had me turned around would I have changed anything, no one deserve to be forced to kill, especially not a child. The Inquisitor was a fool not to recognize how wonderful a person you are" Kanan concluded
"But why?" Ezra still didn't understand, "What makes me so special that you would go through such a nightmare for me?"
Kanan chuckled as he asked," for the same reason why you stepped in during the whipping? Why did you step in then?"
Ezra moved around uneasy at the question.
"You needed help, you were so much in pain. I could not bare to hear someone screamed so much. It sounded like you were dying. To see that and hear someone scream this way. I wanted to look away, to shut out the sound, but I was not allowed to. I could see how the Inquisitor was whipping your back to the point where no place had not been hit, and he just kept going. There was blood everywhere, I could not take it. No one deserve such a level of pain. I knew exactly what it's like to be in that much pain. I … I know what it feels like to be on the receiving end of the Inquisitor's wrath"
Kanans shuttered at the idea of someone hurting Ezra, the memory of the whipping pressing on to get into his conscious part of his brain, but then smiled at the child reply "That's why I stood up for you. Because Ezra, I know exactly what it's like to be in a position you have no control over. I spoke up Ezra cause when looked into your eyes...I saw a little of myself."
Ezra was shocked as he looked up. How could Kanan be like him?
Kanan didn't look directly at the other beings in the room as he continued, "I was a little older than you when Order 66 happened. I lost my Master, my friends, my whole way of living gone. I was forced to be on my own, to learn how to survive on my own. I found a friend who eventually taught me how to survive, but everyday, I never wanted to be in that situation. I felt trapped in my own life for the longest time before I met Hera and the crew."
Kanna was able to look at the entranced Ezra as he continued his tale.
"So when I saw how scared you were, it reminded me of myself so long ago. Now that I know you, that I sense your presence; I know how very similar, we are; in our past, our pain, and our connection through the force."
Ezra smiled as Kanan stroked his hair, leaning into the man's touch. Ezra was so relieved that Kanan never blamed him, and that he felt just as close to him as Ezra felt with Kanan. Ahsoka gasped at them and struggled not to interfere with the two she was beyond surprised at how well those two was bonding, it would have to be their bond. They had indeed bonded as master and padawan which was with a speed that surprised and shocked her. Even with her own master had it taken some months and these two had meet each other less than a month ago. They must have something special to create such a strong bond in such a short amount a time.
"What happened after you stepped in Ezra?" Ahsoka asked, trying to remain professional.
Ezra immediately tensed as he wrapped his arms around Kanan starting to tremble a little. Tears started to show in Ezra's eyes as Kanan leaned onto him holding him gently.
"Shhh easy Ezra it's okay" Kanan smoothed Ezra.
It took some time before Ezra calmed down.
"You can tell us Ezra, Ahsoka won't judge" Kanan said.
"Well the Inquisitor came over and … gave me his blaster and then said I had to ... kill him. If I did not both of us would be send to Mustafar but if I did … if I did" Ezra said but seemed to struggle forming the words. Kanan was worried but also curious what the Inquisitor could have said. Kanan had been too far gone to really think at that point, he had just tried to stay conscious that was until the Inquisitor had given Ezra the blaster then he had only waited for what he thought was the inevitable.
"The Inquisitor promised me I could see my parents again if I did it" Ezra said.
Both Kanan and Ahsoka silently reflected on that for a moment.
"Your parents are alive Ezra?" Ahsoka asked.
"I .. I don't think so" Ezra whispered, tears starting to show in his eyes.
"But you just said …" Kanan started.
"The empire took them, Kallus and the Inquisitor sometimes said I could see them if I would do as they said. They never allowed me to see them, I don't believe them, I think they are … I think they are … that they are ..." Ezra turned his head and now openly cried.
Kanan hugged him and tried to offer him comfort.
"I am sorry to hear that" Ahsoka said softly.
"He took them … that fucktard took them, I hate him" Ezra snapped while crying.
"Ezra who?" Kanan asked confused worried about the small sense of darkness that crept into the boy.
"Agent Kallus came for me and my parent's helped me escape so he arrested them for helping me escape. I haven't seen them since, I lived on the streets until Kallus captured me to" Ezra nearly spat full of anger.
"Stupid, nasty, vial" Ezra snapped.
"Ezra" that is enough" Kanan said mildly disapproving.
Ezra looked sadly and scared at Kanan.
"Sorry" Ezra said looking scared as his gaze fell to the floor.
"Easy Ezra, it is just that you should not give in to such dark emotions, that is the dark side" Kanan said.
Ezra looked unsettled by that and Kanan was unsure how to perceive. An unsettling silence followed until Ahsoka decided to break it.
"Kanan after the Inquisitor captured you what did he do to you?" Ahsoka asked.
This time it was Kanan's turn to become pale and Ezra was unsettled by this.
"Many things Ahsoka" Kanan said in a low voice " Beatings, burns, lightsaber slashes, cuts, electric shocks, broken ribs, drugs, mind probes. In the cell, it was always cold. I was given water rarely and when I got it I sometimes had to choose between inflicting pain to myself or go without it. If they found me asleep they would beat me up until I woke from it. The drugs though were the worst of it. I saw hallucinations; I saw … I saw … I saw the crew dead or being tortured and/or killed. Their screams and pleading eyes made me often pull on my restrains believing they were there only to wake up with the Inquisitor laughing at me and then drugging me again. Sometimes the drugs was so hard to me that I could not eat if they feed me or I would earl what I had eaten back up.
One time they brought a set of oxygen masks and then lowered the oxygen level in the room so I could not breath. They said I had to talk if I wanted to have the other mask, the Inquisitor took great pleasure in almost letting me get the oxygen mask only to snatch it out of reach. I don't recall so much, I blacked out before they had medics revive me. I guess I was still seen too valuable at the time to get rid of, either that or the Inquisitor still wanted me tortured. In any case I found myself strapped to a gurney waking up only to have the bandage teared off me and be hauled back to the cell. If I dared to move I would get shocked, that way I would either be in pain from trying to stand or from the shocks which did that my leg could not carry my weight. The Inquisitor left me like that for what felt like hours with a trooper and a taser, they used a drug so I could not fall unconscious so the pain just kept growing and when the Inquisitor came back he just laughed" Kanan mumbled.
Ezra looked down and reflected on that, he had been right, the Inquisitor was harder on Kanan than he had been on him. Ezra had experience similar forms of torture, but in smaller scaler and more for punishment than to break him and it made his heart cringe to think of Kanan forced to go through such hardship.
"Kanan please look at me. I have noticed you don't say your cell and don't want to meet our eyes when you speak about it. Kanan you have to admit to yourself that this happened" Ahsoka said gently.
Kanan looked pained his breathing became slightly peached.
"I know but then it will become real, that … memory will haunt me even more" Kanan whispered as he started to shake.
"What memory Kanan?" Ahsoka almost whispered back very worried.
"That night Ahsoka; he managed to get into my mind, to see that memory" Kanan replied curling all up and held himself. Ezra, was confused over what Kanan was talking about, but upon seeing the man's distraught state, placed a hand on the man's shoulder. Kanan, grateful, smiled at the boy, but his eyes was still pain filled.
"I am sorry Kanan but we will work with that" Ahsoka tried to make him relax.
"What is there to work with Ahsoka? I was weak, I let him in" Kanan mumbled in defeat.
"You are not weak, you withheld torture for a full month and you did not gave them anything that is not weakness" Ahsoka protested.
"The Inquisitor got to me Ahsoka. I am weak" Kanan whispered.
"Kanan am I weak?" Ahsoka asked and Kanan shook his head "Then neither is you for I to would not had been able to withhold a full month of that" Ahsoka said.
Kanan looked at Ahsoka clearly not sure what else to say. Kanan just kept holding himself in distress, not even gazing up at the Torguta.
"Perhaps it is enough for today" Ahsoka said.
Ezra looked worried on Kanan and extended his hand to Kanan and recalled how he had helped Kanan earlier. As he tried to do it once again he saw vague images of a young child lying near the campfire and once again he heard the voice of the Inquisitor voice. The face of the Inquisitor was laughing and he heard the word "coward" being whispered. Even so he once again bit his teeth together and washed away the darkness, he could feel how Kanan sighed in relief. Ezra opened his eyes and saw that Kanan smiled while Ahsoka looked in shock at him.
"What?" Ezra asked confused.
"Well it is just … how did you do that?" Ahsoka asked confused.
"Kanan helped me a night I had a nightmare. So now I am doing the same. It was not easy the first time but it seemed easier now. I kind of just do the opposite of the Inquisitors would do" Ezra said.
Both Kanan and Ahsoka seemed unsettled by the last comment.
"What?" Ezra asked confused.
"It is just … well … what have you been trained by the Inquisitors?" Ahsoka finally managed to ask.
"They taught me a lot of things, like hiding once force signature, using of a lightsaber, blocking of mental attacks and making them yourself, ambush, combat, ducking and some more traditional training like survival techniques and such things" Ezra mumbled with some hesitation.
Ahsoka and Kanan looked darkly at each other. It set Ezra's nerves on edge.
"Why do you look at each other like that?" Ezra asked nervous.
"Well it is just hard to hear such treatment for a child and .. well Ezra it sound like you were trained to be an inquisitor" Kanan said with some hesitation.
Ezra could feel his breathing pitch, he had not intended to reveal this but since they had asked. Well he would not put it past Ahsoka to probe his mind if he had not answered the Inquisitor certainly had.
"It is not your fault Ezra we are just worried that is all" Ahsoka said much to Ezra's surprise.
Ahsoka was defending him? Saying that it was not his fault? Perhaps Ahsoka was not as bad, as he thought. Perhaps he should give her a chance.
"Well in any case I think you should have some rest so let us stop for now, you need to sleep" Ahsoka said and prepared to leave.
Ezra watched as she left and it did not take long before he was curled up next to Kanan sleeping. Kanan on the other hand had a lot on his mind and it was a long time before he found sleep.
SWR
Over the next weeks, The sessions did wonders for both Kanan and Ezra. With both opening up about their experiences at the base, it seemed to lift a heavy weight off their shoulders. Their sessions with Ahsoka helped Kanan confront a part of himself he had been hiding from for so long; while Ezra seemed to be slowly accept the rebels good intents.
Physical therapy also benefited from their talks as well. While they would get the occasional panic attack, they were happening less and less with every week they continued. Ezra was now able to walk with the help of a crutch; a tool that he seemed to be relying on almost little to none as the day's went on. Kanan too was healing greatly as he too now only needed one crutch to move about. The scars that inflicted both males had begun to fade; proof that they will be alright after all. But the best part of it, if you asked the crew, was that Ezra was not so thin any longer, he was still underweight but it was not as evident as it had been.
As the therapies continued however; Kanan couldn't help but to avoid a topic he knew he should talk about. Kanan knew Ahsoka knew about the incident, but how was he to confront Ezra about it, the kid didn't even remember it. Kanan didn't know if this was good, or if it was bad.
If Ezra didn't remember, then it meant Ezra didn't recall using the dark power that the Inquisitor had longed for him to use. But it also meant that Ezra was at danger of using it again if he lived in his ignorance.
Kanna had talked to Ahsoka about it; she could sense that he had used the dark side, and repented from it. While this pleased Kanan, he didn't understand why; was it because the child was stronger than the dark side, or was it in part to him not remembering.
Ahsoka only offered him the simplest of advice; wait. While it frustrated Kanan to no end, he knew she was right. If it was a matter that Ezra felt like needed to be brought up, than he should bring it up because he feels comfortable talking about it to Kanan, not because Kanan cornered him into it. Kanan had already tried that method one day as the two ate lunch.
"Hey Ezra mind if I talk to you about something?" Kanan questioned
"What's up?" Ezra asked curiously as he ate his lunch, a task that was still performed in overwhelming speed.
"Well, do you remember what happened before he boarded the transport that we escaped on?"
Ezra hesitated as he set down his fork, "A little? I remember feeling cold the whole time."
Kanna nodded as he encouraged him, "Okay, what else do you remember?"
Ezra the began to turn pale, "I think I'm gonna throw up?"
Kanan, not hearing Ezra clearly pondered, "You didn't-,"
"BLEH!" Ezra spewed his freshly eaten lunch on to the floor. Helping Ezra clean up, guilt riddled in Kanan's stomach, realizing Ahsoka was right about letting Ezra wait to tell them when he felt comfortable; clearly, it was not the right time.
SWR
As the weeks continued into month, Kanan was bothered by Ezra failing to talk to him about it. This whole situation has made them close. The two ate together, spend most of the day together, slept in the same room, heck the kid at this point had moved into the Ghost, in Kanan's room, now that they didn't need to be constantly observed. All though the doctor still came for daily checks on them. The rule of thumb on the rebel ships was if you saw one of them, you saw the other. The rest of the crew was more than happy to have back Kanan and welcoming Ezra, and Ezra loved it but he was still not sure he trusted Chopper so the crew was always nearby when Chopper was there.
It made Kanan feel...whole, when he was with Ezra. Like the two were force duo that could handle anything. However, as the two male's bonds grew, Kanan couldn't help but remember his memory of Bilaba, and how much he missed her. Recalling her made Kanan remember his thoughts on Ezra's future with the force, and if he was capable of training the child. Kanan would then ask himself if he could truly train Ezra, to be a jedi, and prevent him from becoming a sith. Kanan was lost at the idea, until one night made up his mind.
In Kanan's Cabin on the Ghost, Kanan began to feel incredibly cold some nights, which woke him up. It had resulted in him requesting an extra blanket but it did not help until he found the reason. One night Kanan woke up, as he heard a whimper. This caused Kanan to instantly shoot up and found Ezra tossing and turning as he shivered.
"Kid?" Kanan probed as he tried to wake the child, but to no avail.
Kanan then sensed it, the darkness that made the child so cold. Kana knew he had to enter his mind. Kanan reached out his hand towards the child. Once his hand was rested on Ezra's head, Kanan saw them. The memory of Ezra using the force to hurt the Inquisitor.
It was Kanan's worse fear, Ezra had remembered it. Kanan felt like his heart was about to drop as the image around him turned black, when he heard Ezra's voice.
"NO!" the child shouted in distress, "This is bad, Mom and dad say so!"
Kanan turned to find Ezra curled up in a ball, darkness seemed to be encasing him before Ezra spoke up, "I can't Kanan still needs me!" just then the darkness that spread around him stopped. Ezra, noticing it continued, "Kanan needed me. Kanan is so nice, I had to protect him. But I shouldn't of gotten control of that power that way."
Those words made Kanan's heart leap with joy and filled with dread at the same time. Joy because he was happy he meant so much to the boy. Dread because a child should not be responsible for a fully grown man. Worry also floated him because it seemed like the kid was struggling quite a bit of letting go of the dark side.
Ezra hesitated as the darkness seemed to be trying to get away from him, "Even if in the moment it felt good, and even if it was to protect Kanan, i shouldn't of done it. I'm not the Inquisitor. I'll never be like him!"
Kanan felt so much pride as he calmly told Ezra, "No, you won't."
Jus like that, the nightmare trance that they were in broke, and the two boy's woke up.
As Kanan sat straight up, Ezra shot up from the nightmare he just had.
When he saw Kanan however; he knew it was no ordinary nightmare.
Ezra looked away, ashamed, "I didn't mean to do it!' Ezra cried in defence, "But he was going to kill you, and I didn't want to lose the first good person I met in so long."
As the boy shook at the memory of that moment, Kanan placed a firm hand on the boy's shoulder.
"Kid, everyone, even Jedi has had dark thoughts. The key though to not being evil, is repenting that evil. That's what I saw you do, what you did when we escaped; to help me."
Ezra's eyes light as he recalled their escape, waking up in the ship hold, "It was dark and cold. I just wanted to get away from it, but i couldn't, not until i remember that you were still in trouble, that you weren't there with me. The need to help you made me overcome the dark, because it kept pulling me in …. it still does sometimes" Ezra whispered.
Kanan took in a deep breath before he told Ezra in confidence, "it pulls at me too."
Ezra looked up at the man in complete shock, like he just heard that human blood was really blue. Kanan was a bit amused by the fact that Ezra apparently believed he was incapable to do 'no wrong' and not feel the poll himself.
Kanan confided to Ezra, "When I was a prisoner, I thought of every way to hurt the Inquisitor. To mutilate him so much that he wished for death. To let him pay for all the things he did to me. Only by reminded myself that to go down such a road would lead to my own moral demise, did I repress that desire. Even when we escaped I had to remind myself of our situation to prevent going to find the Inquisitor to fight him.
Kanan, knowing he should tell Ezra his darkest thought recently, sighed as he revealed to Ezra, "In truth kid, I considered leaving you behind when I went for the shuttle after you knocked the Inquisitor down, his last words to me was that you were gone to the dark side. When I thought you were tainted by the darkside permanently, I considered putting you out of your misery. I'm sorry"
Kanan thought the child would be scared of him now, that he would push Kanan away now. But, to Kanan's shock, Ezra smiled.
"I thought of killing you and didn't do it. You did the same thing on the ship. Then we proved each other we were right by you helping me escape, and me helping you to heal." Ezra smiled at his logic. Kanan also smiled as well when he wrapped the child in a warm embrace of comfort; recalling how much the relief washed over him upon seeing the child using healing ability to save him. Kanan truly owed that child a huge debt, he doubted he would ever be able to pay him back. Kanan knew that the child felt the same about Kanan. The two needed each other to regain freedom, now they need one another to heal. They had a perfect symbiotic role with one another. Kanan smiled what had ever done to deserve the company of such a wonderful child?
Kanan then was shocked, when had he began to consider Ezra his child, and was Ezra staying with him, and the crew really the best thing for the child, or would Ezra be better off without them? Did they even have a right to keep him or was there someone else out there longing to get him back?
A/N Charm and med has started to write part 2 of the story - we had a story each that we emerged into one. Don't worry for you it won't mean any changes. Just know a lot more chapters is coming.