The Doctor and Graham were worried about Yaz. She seemed to have withdrawn into herself, taking a back seat in conversation when the gang were on an adventure, or even just hanging out in the TARDIS. Ryan had no negative effects from the mind wipe, and was back to his happy-go-lucky self. But he could see Yaz wasn't herself, even if he couldn't remember why.

After a particularly strenuous adventure, Yaz had taken herself off to her room, the third time that week. She hadn't met the Doctor's gaze as she passed her, quietly drifting away. The Doctor hated this. It would be so easy to erase the memories, but Yaz had been adamant in her refusal. The Doctor had gone against previous friends' wishes in the past (for their own protection) but she had made a vow to herself to listen to Yaz. No matter how hard it was to watch her friend suffering.

Once Yaz had left the room, the Doctor slumped forward against the console, and blew out a heavy sigh. Graham leaned against one of the columns, crossing his arms. Ryan looked to where Yaz had just vanished to, confusion written all over his face.

'Okay, that's the third time that's happened this week. What's up with Yaz?' He asked, purposely talking to the Doctor. He looked at her as if she had something to do with it. Well, he wasn't totally wrong.

'I'm not sure, but I don't like it.' The Doctor replied.

'Have you two fallen out or something?' Ryan asked directly. The Doctor's face dropped with indignation.

'No, of course not! We never fall out!'

Ryan held up his hands in surrender.

'Okay, okay, I was just asking! She just seems really out of it. She hasn't talked to you properly in days, and you're like, her favourite person!' The Doctor didn't respond to that, but felt her insides warm a little at the small confession.

'I think she's just got a lot on her mind, son. Why don't you go and talk to her?' Ryan shrugged, happy enough to go and try.

'Alright, I'll see what I can do.' Ryan headed off after Yaz, leaving the Doctor and Graham in the control room. The Doctor turned to Graham, looking to him for advice.

'This is so hard Graham. If only she'd let me help her. She could be free of the memories and back to her happy self.'

Graham could only nod in agreement.

'I agree with you Doc, but she's also made her choice. We just have to help her in the best way we can.' The Doctor looked at him in surprise.

'How?' She asked quietly, at a loss. She had never seen Yaz so despondent, and it was hurting her to watch.

'By being there.' He said simply. The Doctor sighed, leaning against the console.
'I should have been there.' She muttered, more to herself. She pressed a button, pulled a lever and set the TARDIS into flight. Graham noticed that she was being a tad more aggressive with the console than she usually was.

'What do you mean?' He responded, not liking to see the Doctor stewing away in her own self-loathing. The Doctor continued to fiddle with parts of the console.

'If I'd been there, I could have stopped it all from happening. Could have stopped Ryan, Yaz, and all the other children from suffering.' She paused. 'But no, no, I had to be swanning off across time and space, didn't I!' She didn't hit the console, but Graham could tell she was getting closer to the edge of her rage.

'But Doc, you've saved the Earth so many times! And it all worked out okay in the end. All the kids were fine!' The Doctor looked at him across the console, the rage at herself slowly burning.

'My friend had to be the one to clean it up. He made an impossible choice, and he lost everything. All because I wasn't there.' She could see Jack in her mind's eye, and shuddered at the image. So much guilt. Even after all this time.

Graham had had enough of the Doctor hating herself. She didn't deserve to feel like this. He moved away from the column and came right up to her, his frustration palpable.

'You listen to me, Doc. You can't be everywhere. The whole of time and space at your disposal? Brilliant! But you can't blame yourself for something that happened when you weren't there. Us humans, we're grateful you look out for us, but we also need to fend for ourselves.' He paused, then tried to lighten the mood. 'Even you need a holiday.' The Doctor looked at him gratefully.

'You know, I think we could all use a break.' Before he could ask what she meant, she started setting in new coordinates, programming a new flight path for the TARDIS.

Xxxx

'I'm alright Ryan, really, I'm just knackered.'

'That's bollocks Yaz, and you know it.' Ryan stood in the doorway of Yaz's room, not getting very far with Yaz. They were best mates and everything, but Ryan still sometimes felt like he struggled to understand her. But he was trying. When Yaz didn't respond, he pushed himself away from the doorframe, and came to sit on her bed beside her. 'You can talk to me, you know.' He stated, gently nudging her with his arm.

Yaz attempted a weak smile, but it fell flat almost straight away.

'I know,' she murmured, looking down at her hands. She didn't feel like talking to anyone, and she certainly couldn't talk to Ryan about what was going on in her head. She was glad he didn't remember anymore, but she also missed having someone who knew what she had experienced. The Doctor must have had some idea, going into Ryan's head and all, but it wouldn't have stayed with her. Again, that brought Yaz some comfort.

Ryan looked across at her.

'You can't keep hiding away in here, Yaz. You've got three people here who are worried about you.'

'You don't need to be!'

'Doesn't stop us though.'

Yaz sighed, fiddling with her fingers. She just wanted to be left alone.

'Is it the Doctor?' Ryan asked softly, wary that this was new territory for both him and Yaz. That certainly got her attention. Her eyes snapped up to his, alarm clearly evident.

'What about her?' Yaz questioned, not understanding what he was getting at. Ryan shrugged casually.

'I dunno, you just seem kind of off with her, and…' he paused, not sure where to go with this. Sure, he'd seen the spark between them, but what did he know? Yaz might not even be into girls.

'And?'

'I… dunno. If you wanted to talk about her, you can, y'know. If you're feeling… confused or whatever.' Yaz's eyes widened in panic.

'Confused?' Dear god, it was like getting blood from a stone! Ryan decided to get to the point.

'Yaz, do you like the Doctor?'

'Well, of course I like the Doctor,' she said, too quickly. This was heading into territory she did not want to delve into right now.

'No, but do you like, like her?' Ryan asked plainly. Ryan could see the fear in Yaz's eyes.

'What? Don't be ridiculous! I'm not…' She paused, not sure how to finish that sentence. Sure, she and the Doctor were close. Very close. The Doctor was her favourite person in the universe, but because she was her best friend. One of her only friends. The Doctor showed her the wonders of the universe, had opened her eyes to so much. So what if she admired the Doctor? 'I really admire her. She's amazing.'

'You're right, she is amazing. But I've seen you together, Yaz. Always laughing, smiling. You are always blushing around her…'

'It's just the glow of the TARDIS!' Ryan gave her a pointed look.

'The glow of the TARDIS?' He repeated, disbelievingly. Yaz shoved him slightly.

'Shut up, it's totally a thing!'

'That you've got the hots for the Doctor?'

'Seriously Ryan, if you don't shut up…' Ryan laughed kindly. He held up his hands in defeat.

'Alright, alright, I'll shut up. But seriously, Yaz, if you were experiencing… a crush… it's totally normal.'

'I'm not… it's not like that.' Yaz stated, a little dejected. Ryan could see she was battling some demons, and perhaps hadn't come to terms with them yet. But he was patient. He would be there for her, when the time came. He patted her shoulder kindly, before getting up off the bed.

'I get it Yaz, no worries. If you need to talk, you know where to find me.' He turned to leave the room, when he heard Yaz speak behind him.

'Thanks mate.'

Xxx

Yaz stayed sat on her bed, staring absently at the door Ryan had closed behind him. He had opened a can of warms Yaz had wanted to stay firmly closed. His questions had only highlighted what she had been debating in her head for months, but now that it had been noticed by someone else, she began the cycle of questions again.

Did she like the Doctor? Of course she did, she was her friend. They looked out for each other. They hugged, like friends do. They held hands, like some friends do. They had shared a bed… a couple of times. Friends still did that. Especially female friends. Girls tended to be more physically affectionate with one another; that's just how girls are.

But the Doctor used to be a man, Yaz reminded herself. She still wasn't 100% on how that worked, but she believed the Doctor. That she used to have a different body. She was alien, after all. But did that effect physical affection? Did it even mean anything, or was Yaz just applying a human label to it? The fact that Yaz was trying to apply a deeper meaning to it spoke volumes about her conflict.

Speaking of labels, Yaz was in a bit of crisis. Call it denial, flexibility, whatever, she was having trouble categorising her feelings. The Doctor was certainly her friend, and that friendship was clearly reciprocated. Yaz knew that. But Yaz also knew what she was like when she had a crush.

Blushing, stumbling, gravitating, seeking touch as and when it was possible, glancing, watching, waiting, and smiling. Yaz knew she had been acting differently around the Doctor the more she got to know her. The Doctor was amazing. Truly amazing. Yaz was surely just in awe? Admiring a woman in authority, a role model.

Yaz knew that wasn't the full story. Yaz catalogued every time the Doctor touched her, hugged her, spoke to her, smiled at her, and laughed with her. She captured every moment in her mind, archiving them away for herself. Yaz knew it wasn't normal to do that about friends. Not when you had a platonic relationship with them; not when they were the same-sex as you.

Yaz had never really thought about her own sexuality. It had only ever come up when she had developed crushes at school, and those crushes had all been on boys. Danny Biswas came to her mind as her first real relationship, but it was over after a few weeks of summer fun. Since then, Yaz had focused on her career and getting out of school with decent grades. She had put policing first ahead of her social life, and she hadn't regretted it.

With the Doctor however, it was different. Those boys she'd crushed on, sure, she'd got butterflies, nervous around them, happy when they noticed her, but none of them had… Yaz wasn't sure how to describe it. A pull, a tether, a force. None of them made Yaz gravitate towards them. Not like the Doctor. She just wanted to be around her, like, all the time.

Another thing that differed was the way the Doctor made her feel. She made her feel special, and welcomed, and appreciated. None of the boys Yaz had crushed on had ever made her feel like that. Danny had a little at first, but Yaz had felt so grateful that he'd noticed her that she didn't realise when she was being taken for granted, or when she was being belittled. He hadn't ever been cruel or anything, but she had always felt second best to him. He didn't always get her, and that had made Yaz insecure. So much so, that she had hidden part of her personality from him, putting on a mask to fit in.

The Doctor, however, had accepted all of Yaz's quirks. Yaz had felt comfortable with the Doctor straight away, knowing that she would never be judged. She would never try and demean her, or tear away at her self-esteem. The Doctor made her feel safe.

Yaz accepted that she had a crush on the Doctor. To be honest, it would be surprising if she hadn't. Yaz had wondered if Ryan and Graham were as enraptured as her. The Doctor was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. Yaz had watched her friends interact with the Time Lord, but couldn't seem to see any romantic overtones to their conversations. She felt a little relieved.

But in accepting that she had a crush, it made Yaz begin to question everything about her own identity. Did having a crush on the Doctor mean she was gay? Bi? Something in-between? Sure, the Doctor appeared female, and accepted feminine pronouns, but Yaz knew she had once answered to male ones. Did gender even apply to Time Lords? Was Yaz just overthinking this? Did it have to have a label? Yaz wondered if she would have had the crush on the Doctor in her male form, and she thinks that she probably would have. Not that she had seen any pictures of the Doctor prior to their meeting. Maybe that would be one of her questions when she and the Doctor could finally talk about her past.

That was another thing. Was the Doctor even interested in girls? When they'd met Caroline, she had mentioned a lot of women, a whole long list. Not a man's name anywhere. From the way she had reacted to their names, it had certainly shown that the Doctor had emotional ties with a lot of people. Whether or not they were romantic, was something Yaz didn't know. Another thing to ask the Doctor. Or not. Was that too personal?

Yaz sighed to herself. She didn't want to be on her own anymore. She'd had enough of hiding in her room. She just wanted to see the Doctor, have some company, even if it was just talking. Yaz secretly loved it when it was just the two of them, chatting away for hours on end about everything and anything. Yaz smiled for the first time in days. She'd go and find the Doctor, and they could resume their wild adventures, leaving behind the horrible memories from days ago.

Xxx

When Yaz reached the control room, she was expecting there to be a lot of noise from her three companions, like there usually was. However, it was deathly quiet. Ryan and Graham were nowhere to be seen, and the Doctor was… oh, there she was. The Doctor was looking down at the console, fiddling with something on the dashboard. Her face was absent, her expression showing that she was lost in thought.

As Yaz approached, the Doctor looked up at her, surprised she was there.

'Hey,' Yaz offered softly, aware that they hadn't spoken one-on-one in days. That just wasn't like them.

'Hey,' the Doctor responded. 'You okay?' She asked, looking at Yaz with worry. The events of the previous few days played heavily on both their minds. Yaz nodded in response, wanting to move past it.

'Yeah, I'm okay.' She paused, coming closer to the console. 'Are you?' The Doctor smiled at her affectionately, and Yaz felt her knees go weak.

'I'm good.' There was a beat between them. Yaz looked around the console room.

'Where are Ryan and Graham?' She asked curiously. The Doctor looked away from her for a moment, back to fiddling with the dashboard.

'They've gone home.' She answered. Yaz furrowed her brows.

'Oh, okay.'

'And I think you should do the same.' Yaz felt as if the world had fallen out from underneath her feet.

'What?' She asked in a rush, feeling her heart fall. The Doctor caught her dismay, realising her phrasing was off. She came closer to Yaz, drawing a hand up to clutch at her forearm.

'Just for a few days, I think it would be good for you to see your family. Maybe do a couple of shifts, if you want.' She looked down guiltily. 'Especially after what happened, I think a break would be good for you.'

'But I don't want to leave…' The Doctor let her eyes crawl back up to meet Yaz's.

'Yaz, I think a break from… travelling will be good. It's only a few days.' Their eyes remained fixed on each other, not wanting to break the electricity that was building. The Doctor's hand trailed down from Yaz's forearm, slowly making its way to wrap around Yaz's fingers. Yaz tightened her hold in response.

'What will you do?' Yaz asked quietly. She prayed that the Doctor would stay, but she also knew she was a free spirit. Her life didn't revolve around them, just because their lives revolved around her. The Doctor blinked at her in surprise.

'Well, I was planning on sticking around here for a bit. I get a bit lonely knocking about on my own.' The Doctor stopped, hesitating. 'Unless, you think it's best I leave you all alone for a bit? I don't mind.' Yaz could tell she clearly did mind. Yaz grinned at the Doctor's nervousness, finding it endearing.

'You soppy alien, of course we want you to stay!' She pulled the Doctor towards her, bundling her into her arms for a long overdue hug. The Doctor immediately reciprocated, relieved that Yaz was responding to her again. She brought her hands to rest on Yaz's back, and held her securely. The Doctor smiled into Yaz's shoulder, happy at seeing Yaz return to her normal self. A few days in Sheffield would surely sort them all out.