With the Doctor needing some time to heal, Ryan took that as the opportunity to get her more acquainted with his favourite movies. Ryan was a film buff, and he was proud of it. Luckily the Doctor was eager to learn, so she was keen to watch whatever he wanted. On this particular afternoon, Yaz was happy to watch movies with them, and somehow even Graham seemed interested. Ryan's movie of choice today was Inception. Ryan knew the Doctor would like it, after being shocked that she hadn't seen it.

'You, Doctor, of all people, should have seen Inception! It's all about time!'

'Well you know me, I don't sit still long enough to watch anything!'

Yaz nodded in agreement.

'It's true.'

They were all settled in the TARDIS, in a small room that Ryan had claimed as his 'man cave.' It had a large TV screen with various armchairs and a small sofa. Ryan had shot gunned his favourite arm chair, leaping into it so no one else could sit in it. Graham had taken the other armchair, which left Yaz and the Doctor with the small sofa. Not that Yaz minded. Not one bit.

Inception is one of those epic films, with its inspiring soundtrack, Byronic hero and intricate plot lines, that you needed your entire brain to watch. The Doctor was captivated. She would ask questions throughout, provide her own answers, and then comment on another plotline.

'50 years stuck in limbo? That's nothing! One time I got stuck in a place for 4.5 billion… actually you know what, never mind.' The Doctor rambled, then decided against voicing her train of thought. Ryan and Graham tended to laugh at her random anecdotes, choosing to brush off her comment as one of her 'Doctor jokes,' but Yaz turned to look at her inquisitively.

'What were you going to say?' Yaz whispered, nudging the Doctor with her elbow. At the start of the film, they had been sat at other ends of the sofa, but as it progressed, the two women had gravitated slowly towards one another, so much so that they were now leant against each other, huddled under a shared blanket. The Doctor's good side was flush with Yaz, warming her body and her heart. A few weeks ago, Yaz would have panicked and would have remained rigid, hyper aware of the Doctor's presence. She was still hyper aware, she couldn't deny that, but she was becoming more comfortable with it. The more the Doctor got into her personal space, the more Yaz relaxed.

The Doctor turned her head to view her, eyes unreadable and impossibly old for a moment. The Doctor's hand moved under the blanket, coming to rest on Yaz's. She then took it in hers, holding on tight. She smiled, but Yaz could tell it was a sad smile, not matter how much the Doctor tried to hide it.

'Doesn't matter, just a joke.' She lied. Before Yaz could say anything else, the Doctor looked back at the screen. She gently lowered her head to Yaz's shoulder, and rested it there, hand still clutching Yaz's. Yaz inhaled deeply, surprised by the intimate closeness. They had done this loads of times, but each time it made Yaz's heart jolt and accelerate. She hoped to god the Doctor couldn't feel it. She shuffled a little closer, and rested her head atop the Doctor's. They remained like that for the rest of the film. Yaz couldn't help but sneak furtive glances every now and then down at the Doctor (even away Leonardo DiCaprio), loving the fact that the Doctor trusted her enough to be this close. Sure, the Doctor hugged Ryan and would tease Graham by poking him, but as far as she was aware, Yaz was the only one she would snuggle with like this. Or share a bed. Or hold hands… which they were still doing.

The screen turned black, fading away from the totem that would (or would not) keep spinning. Silence hung over the room, as they took in the powerful ending. Ryan turned to them, grinning expectantly.

'So, what do you reckon? Best film ever?' The Doctor nodded enthusiastically in response, lifting her head from Yaz's shoulder. Yaz missed the contact already.

'That was amazing! That last scene, with the music, it was genius! I must let Hans know that I loved it!'

'Hans? Who's Hans?' Ryan asked in confusion.

'Hans Zimmer, obviously. He and I go way back.'

'Are you serious? You know Hans Zimmer?' Ryan looked at her in awe. 'You know the greatest composer of all time?! Damn, Doctor, you've just gone up in my estimations!'

'I'll take that as a compliment! I'll take you to meet him some time. You know, when I'm better.' She gestured to her shoulder. The movement caused her to wince. Yaz looked at her with sympathy, clutching her hand tighter. The Doctor gave her a grateful smile.

'So, what happened at the end then? Did he get back to reality or is he still dreaming?' Graham piped up, baffled at the intense film he had just watched. Ryan grinned at him.

'That's the beauty of the film, Gramps, it's ambiguous. Up to your own interpretation.'

'What do you think, Ryan?' Yaz asked curiously, interested to know his thoughts. She was still trying to make up her mind about what the ending meant to her. She had seen the film before, but had never really understood it. It was only re-watching it as an adult did she get the more complex themes. Ryan's eyes lit up at her question.

'He's totally back in reality. The totem starts to fall just before the screen cuts away. Easy.'

Yaz could feel the Doctor fidget beside her. She was clearly preparing for an engaging debate.

'Nope, not so easy. It wobbles slightly, but you don't see it fall. He could still be dreaming.'

Ryan and the Doctor began an in-depth debate about the ending of Inception. Yaz glanced over at Graham, who rolled his eyes at the debating pair. Yaz supressed a smirk, making Graham return it with a small smile. They looked back at Ryan and the Doctor, who were still engaged in a light hearted argument.

'Alright you two, but what if the whole point is that it doesn't matter if he's dreaming or not? What if the point is that he is happier now, and his reality is being back with his family? Dream or not.'

The Doctor and Ryan looked at the wise man, their debate forgotten. The Doctor smiled.

'Graham O'Brien, you really have a way with words sometimes. That's exactly it! Reality and dreams are no lesser than each other. Five points for Graham.' Graham punched the air in triumph, whilst Ryan's face fell.

'Hey, I'm the one who made you watch it! Where are my points?' He joked, mock-annoyed.

'All in good time, son. Yaz is still in the lead by far.' Graham reminded him. Ryan rolled his eyes, looking at the snuggled up pair.

'And I'll say it again, it's because she's the favourite.'

Yaz gave an exasperated sigh.

'Come on Ryan, you know that's not it…'

'It so is. Isn't that right, Doctor?'

Yaz turned to look at the Doctor, suddenly realising she hadn't butted in this time with her jokes and winking like she usually did when they had these 'arguments.' The Doctor glanced at her, expression unreadable. As soon as she looked into her eyes, the Doctor glanced away again.

'You're all my favourites,' she responded to the accusation. The Doctor's hand clenched around Yaz's under the blanket, communicating something that contradicted her statement. Yaz gulped, and responded by clenching back. The exchange went unnoticed by the boys, but it had certainly got Yaz's attention. Ryan decided to steer the conversation back to the film.

'What did you think of the film, Yaz?' She tried to focus on the question, but the Doctor was distracting her, by brushing her thumb over their joined hands. She answered, more to distract herself from the Doctor.

'Yeah I liked it. I really admired the way the Leo DiCaprio character kept going, despite everything he went through.'

'With all the mind implementation stuff?' Ryan asked, quizzical.

'Well, yeah, there's that stuff. But also the way he loved his wife, and was so determined to get back to his kids. I just…' She paused, thinking over her words. She was super aware of the fact that the Doctor was looking at her, waiting for answer. Her thumb was still skimming over her skin. Yaz didn't think the Doctor was even aware of it. 'You don't see that kind of love in real life. That reality-shattering, life or death, deep love, y'know?'

'Woah Yaz, that's deep. I hadn't thought about that before.' Ryan sat back in his seat, a little gobsmacked. 'Does that kind of love even exist?'

'Yes,' Graham and the Doctor both answered at once. They looked at each other in surprise, sizing the other up. Ryan looked at Graham, understanding written all over his face. Graham sighed and answered their question.

'What I had with Grace, your Nan, Ryan, was that deep love. I would have torn the world apart for her, would have done anything to make her happy. I know the grief I've experienced probably intensified that feeling, but it's true. I would have done anything for her.' Graham told them, looking down at his hands sadly. The Doctor remained silent, and they all knew it was bad when she did that.

After a few awkward seconds, Graham looked up from his hands, eyes suddenly shining. He slapped his hands on his knees, moving to stand up.

'If you don't mind Doc, I'm gonna head home for a bit. Feeling a bit… y'know.' He moved away from his chair, nodding at the Doctor, and left the room swiftly, trying to hold it together. Ryan watched on with confusion, which quickly turned to sadness. He glanced quickly at the girls, before getting up to follow his Grandad.

'I'm going to see if he's alright. Catch you later.' Ryan dashed out the room, going to find Graham. Yaz and the Doctor were left in stunned silence, still huddled under the blanket. Yaz slumped her head against the Doctor's shoulder, exhausted by the sudden onslaught of grief. Yaz felt so sorry for Graham and Ryan. The Doctor let go of Yaz's hand to draw her arm around her, pulling her closer. Yaz felt the Doctor's breath puff across the top of her head as she relaxed against Yaz.

'Poor Graham,' Yaz whispered. The Doctor drew her fingertips gently over Yaz's bare arm, causing goosebumps to blossom into life across her skin.

'I hate that I can't do anything to help him, other than distract him from the pain.' The Doctor murmured into Yaz's hair. Yaz nodded in agreement.

'You do more than enough, but I agree. I wish there was more we could do. And poor Ryan. They're both holding up so well.' There was a comfortable silence, as the Doctor continued to trace patterns on Yaz's skin. Yaz couldn't help but hold her breath. The Doctor still hadn't explained her fast answer, but Yaz didn't want to push it. She desperately wanted to know the Doctor's own story, but equally she was terrified of hearing it. Of hearing about how desperately the Doctor had loved someone else.

'Doctor?'

'Yes?'

'How… how do you know that kind of love exists?' The Doctor froze at the question, stilling her fingers on Yaz's arm. Yaz immediately regretted the question. Before the Doctor could speak, Yaz was already spilling out apologies. 'Sorry, sorry, stupid question to ask!' The Doctor pulled back from Yaz, but encouraged her to look at her.

'No question you ask is stupid, Yaz.'

'Wrong timing though.' Yaz said as she looked up at the Doctor nervously, worried about the expression she would find there. The Doctor smiled softly.

'It's okay,' she reassured Yaz. The Doctor brought her arm back from around Yaz, and returned to holding her hand. Yaz threaded her fingers back through, relieved she had been forgiven for her faux pas.

'I never did explain to you about my companions, did I?' Yaz shook her head.

'No, but you don't have to explain. We can just drop it.' The Doctor's smile grew warmer.

'I promised you I would answer any questions you have. No matter how awkward or painful it might be for me, or for you.'

'Are you sure?'

'Positive.'

'Well, okay then.' Yaz paused awkwardly, suddenly at a loss for what to say. Her mouth fell open, and closed again, trying to find the words. The Doctor helped her out.

'I've lived a long life, Yaz. A dozen, long lifetimes. I travel in a time machine. I've seen the dawn of creation, and the end of civilization, quite a few times now. I've met incredible people and seen them do anything for the ones they love. Remember my speech at your Nani's wedding? Well, love is something I truly believe in.'

'And you've experienced it yourself?' Yaz asked bravely. Her heart was hammering away inside her chest at this conversation. It was both terrifying and thrilling, but she wanted to hear every word, even if it would hurt her. The Doctor's eyes bore into her for a few long moments, before nodding.

'Yes, I have.' Yaz couldn't be surprised at that. She knew she had no right to be jealous, so she dug it deep into her soul and continued her questions.

'With your previous companions?' Another nod.

'Yes,' the Doctor answered emphatically, but not elaborating. She was allowing Yaz to question her, to finally have the long overdue conversation.

'Caroline, she listed a whole bunch of names back at that restaurant. Were they all people you loved?'

'In different ways. A lot of my companions were my friends, some of them felt like family, and others were… undefinable. I've had love affairs but they've never lasted. Well, you know that. Never seen one of my partners knocking about the TARDIS, have you?' The Doctor half-joked, but it fell flat. Sighing, she continued. 'I've not just had lovers though. I had a family, back on Gallifrey. I had a granddaughter.'

Yaz's eyes widened in surprise.

'You're a grandparent?' She asked, shocked. She knew the Doctor had a past, but she didn't realise the true extent of it.

'Was.' The Doctor corrected her. Her head fell forward, blonde hair suddenly covering half her face, shielding it from Yaz. Yaz immediately felt guilty. She leant forward, trying to get into the Doctor's eye line.

'We can stop this now. I don't want to make you more upset.' Yaz brought her hand up to the Doctor's hair, gently moving some tendrils out of her face. She gently tucked the strands behind the Doctor's ear. The Doctor glanced up at her, lips quirking up into a smile.

'Oh Yasmin Khan, what did I do to deserve you?'Yaz blushed, bringing her hand back down to her lap. She looked away from the Doctor, cheeks flaming.

'What did I do, other than ask you invasive questions?' She heard the Doctor chuckle at that. She hesitantly looked back up at her friend, confused as to what was funny. The Doctor was smiling affectionately at her.

'Come here,' she murmured. She gestured at her arms, holding them up to envelope Yaz in a hug. Yaz glanced at the Doctor's bad shoulder, worried. The Doctor caught her gaze, and shrugged. 'It's feeling much better. Don't worry.' She gestured again, and this time Yaz couldn't resist her. She encircled the Doctor in her arms, carefully as to not jostle the Doctor's bad side.

'Thank you Yaz, it helps to talk about it. I haven't had a proper chat like this since… well, since I regenerated.' The Doctor whispered into the crook of Yaz's neck.

'Why not?' Yaz asked, realising how long that must have been.

'Dunno, just didn't have anyone I felt close enough to do that with… until now.' She paused. 'Until I met you.' Yaz held her closer, tears forming in her eyes. She hated to think that the Doctor had kept things bottled up, but she also felt dizzy from the Doctor's admission. That she trusted Yaz enough with her past to open up candidly about it. She didn't know how to respond, so she just clutched her impossibly tighter. The Doctor continued to speak.

'Yaz, I've been holding back on you and the boys.' She pulled back, moving to sit back against the sofa. Yaz disentangled herself and moved to join her, turning on her side so she could view the Doctor fully.

'In what way?'

'I've been putting on a bit of a facade. When you first met me, I had just regenerated, so I was a bit all over the place. A bit weird.' Yaz smiled.

'You're still like that, Doctor,' she jested, gently poking her in the side. The Doctor grinned at that.

'Okay, fine, I've always been a bit weird.'

'I wouldn't have it any other way.'

'Yaz, stop being charming, I'm trying to tell you my life story. Can't do that with you being all adorable.' Yaz giggled, blushing again. However, this time she didn't look away. The Doctor smiled at her, but then it slowly disappeared as she returned to the previous conversation.

'When you first met me, I had just died and come back to life. As a completely different person. I mean, I'm still me. But also, I'm not me. If that makes any sense at all. I told you I used to be a white haired Scotsman. Well, that's true. But I never told you what killed me. Killed him.' She paused, looking to Yaz to see if she understood.

'You've explained regeneration before, so I think I get it.' Happy that Yaz understood, the Doctor pressed on.

'I was shot by a Cyberman. By several, actually. I went through a war, and lost another friend. By the end I was just tired. Tired of everything. I almost didn't regenerate, because I didn't… I didn't want to carry on.' Yaz couldn't help but gasp. She brought her hands up to her mouth, holding her face in shock.

'Doctor,' she murmured, tears starting to well behind her eyes. She couldn't believe her bubbly, excitable, full of life Doctor could ever feel like that. The Doctor glanced at her and caught the un-shed tears. She sat forward, and gently pulled Yaz's hands away from her mouth. She took them back in hers, and placed both of them in her lap, clutching them tightly.

'But then I saw the light. I convinced myself that one more lifetime couldn't hurt. And you know what? The old me made the best choice. Because if I hadn't, I would never have been sitting here with you now.' Yaz closed her eyes, lowering her head. She was finding it hard to take it all in. Through the darkness, she felt the Doctor's forehead lean against hers, her hands holding on tighter.

'You definitely made the right choice,' Yaz croaked out, feeling her tears start to spill down her cheeks. The Doctor nodded against her forehead.

'Definitely,' she said quietly. They remained stock still for a couple of minutes, just feeling the connection flow evenly between them. Eventually, Yaz opened her eyes. She moved her head gently away from the Doctor, glancing up to take another look at her. The Doctor did the same thing, gazing intently at Yaz. Her eyes searched Yaz's face, but for what, Yaz wasn't sure. Feeling suddenly brave, Yaz pushed forward, rising above the Doctor. She bent down to press a kiss at her forehead, just like the Doctor had after the 456 incident. The Doctor closed her eyes at the contact, feeling safe. Yaz remained there for a few seconds, before whispering into the Doctor's skin.

'Doctor, if you ever feel like that again, please tell me. I want to help.'

'I know you do.'

'Promise me.'

'I promise you, Yaz. I promise.'