Yaz couldn't believe how quickly the night had turned around. From the awkwardness of their almost-kiss, to The Doctor's run-in with Danny, the way they interacted had done a 360 and they were back to where they had been at the beginning of the night. Or maybe, they were even closer than before.

Yaz had been majorly confused and scared when The Doctor had seemingly run away from her. But when she had found her, confronted by Danny, her fear seemed to reset and she knew that she and The Doctor were okay. Besides, they'd had a bigger enemy to confront.

She was curious about what The Doctor and Danny had discussed. Obviously, the common denominator had been Yaz, but The Doctor had seemed pretty riled up. The Doctor always appeared to be happy-go-lucky, but Yaz was aware of the darker side that lurked beneath. She just didn't know why it had come up during a fairly mundane situation. The Doctor's anger was usually reserved for villains and enemies, not young, human exes. Something was off.

They'd found Ryan to tell him they were leaving. His concerned expression quickly changed when he saw their joined hands. He'd waggled his eyebrows at Yaz, before she slapped him on the arm to tell him knock it off. They said their goodbyes, and headed towards the nearest kebab place, hand in hand.

They ordered their drunk, midnight snacks and continued their journey into the night.

'Where's a good place for a midnight picnic?' The Doctor asked, arms bundled full of fried chicken, chips and other amazing delights. Yaz thought for a moment, before inspiration took hold of her.

'I know just the place. Follow me!'

She led The Doctor to a small secluded part of the city. It was a small park Yaz had discovered years ago, on one of her lonely walks when things got tough. She'd spent a lot of time there in her youth, thinking everything through. It had a patch of grass in the centre of a secluded courtyard. The only way to get to it from the street above, was to go down a set of concrete stairs, which were hidden well from the street overhead. The perfect place for privacy and reflection.

The Doctor followed her down the steps, and headed straight for the grass area. Unceremoniously, she dumped the takeaway boxes on the lawn, before plonking herself down beside them. She looked up at Yaz, and patted the patch of grass next to her.

'Come here Yaz. I saved you a spot.' Yaz grinned at the Doctor's ridiculousness. Yaz discarded her jacket, and laid it onto the ground before sitting down. She looked down at the bounty before them and grinned.

'Right, what do you want to tuck into first?' The Doctor immediately moved towards the cheesy chips. Yaz laughed, and also reached for the cheesy chips. 'A solid shout.' They sat in amicable silence, as they munched their way through their midnight feast. Yaz forgot how hungry she would get after dancing and drinking alcohol. Part of the human experience – the midnight munchies.

'God I love human food,' The Doctor muttered as she devoured her last piece of fried chicken. Yaz giggled.

'Drunk dining is the best kind of dining. It just adds to the human pastime of drinking. Drink for happy times, or drink to drown your sorrows.' Or in her case, drinking until feelings slipped out from under their lid.

The Doctor looked at her quizzically.

'What do you mean by that?' She asked, eyebrows furrowed into a concerned expression. Damn, she was adorable. Yaz sighed, not really sure what she had meant by her previous statement.

'It's just a phrase, Doctor.' The Doctor watched her more closely.

'Are you sure?'

'Uh huh.' The Doctor crept a little closer to her, kicking the boxes out of her way.

'Yaz?' Yaz turned her head, meeting her friend's eye.

'Yeah?' She asked, a little uncertainly. She could feel her cheeks warm under The Doctor's scrutiny.

'Have you ever self-medicated with alcohol? Or drugs?' Yaz felt her eyes pop. Since when had this turned into a psychiatry session?

'What… why… no, I've never done drugs. But I think most people have used alcohol in some way to feel better sometimes. It's just… that's what alcohol is for, isn't it?' Yaz felt a little put on the spot, not quite understanding where this line of questioning was coming from. The Doctor scooted even closer, their arms now brushing against each other. The Doctor lowered her head to meet Yaz's eyeline.

'I just wanted to make sure you're okay.' Yaz blinked in surprise.

'Of course I'm okay.' Yaz responded, heart swelling at the attention her friend was giving her.

'It's just, I know tonight has been rough for you, and I wanted to check in.' Yaz's smile grew at her friend's concern for her wellbeing.

'I'll admit, I was shocked to see Danny tonight, but the majority of the night has been really, really fun. Best night I've had in a while.' The Doctor's lips quirked into a small smile.

'Good.' She responded. She paused, before looking up at the sky. She sighed deeply, scooted away from Yaz slightly and moved to lie down on the grass. Yaz, noticing her friend's movements, decided to join her on the cool lawn.

She settled next to The Doctor. They weren't touching but Yaz was hyperaware of the proximity of The Doctor's arm next to hers. They looked up at the stars in silence. It was lucky it was such a clear night. Usually the stars were covered with a layer of Sheffield smog, but tonight they shone brightly on the dark canvas.

Yaz desperately wanted to hold The Doctor's hand. They had done it so much tonight that it felt like second nature. But, now that they were no longer at the club, the charade was no longer needed. And that filled Yaz with a sadness she hadn't anticipated.

They still hadn't talked about the almost-kiss. Maybe they never would. It would remain unspoken like everything else they communicated. Yaz sighed, a little louder than she'd meant to. The Doctor's head swivelled on the ground to look at her.

'Yaz?' She murmured softly. Yaz turned her head, mirroring The Doctor.

'Yeah?' She replied.

'If you want to talk about what happened, I'm happy to listen.' Yaz knew The Doctor was referring to her past with Danny. Yaz turned her head back to face the stars, swallowing harshly, repressing harsh memories. She felt The Doctor move slightly closer to her, their arms brushing again.

'Yeah, I said I'd tell you.'

'You don't have to, Yaz.' The Doctor countered quickly, seeing that her friend was finding this painful.

'No, I want to. It's just… hard. It's not something I tell many people.'

'Take your time. We've got all night.'

Where to begin, Yaz thought. Danny had never been a monster. He was just a normal guy. But, there had been a lot of red flags that Yaz, now older and wiser recognised, but in the throes of her infatuation she had completely overlooked. But what had followed had nearly destroyed her. In some ways, she was still recovering from it, and she knew that shadow would always be with her.

'Danny and I met at school. We started going out in year 10. At the beginning, I literally felt like I was living in a rom-com. Boys had never really paid me much attention before that. But here he was, Danny Biswas, like a prince at the end of a Disney movie. We were inseparable, and he made me feel special. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was.'

'But then?'

'Then reality started setting in. I began to feel unappreciated, taken for granted. Looking back, I realise I was used, a bit.'

'Used?' Yaz sighed.

'He didn't have a lot of money. I mean, neither did I. But compared to his life, I had a comfortable set up. I would pay for the majority of our dates, or takeaways. At the time, I just felt like I was doing the right thing, but I didn't see that it wasn't equal. As our relationship progressed, he started borrowing money off me…and never paid it back. I don't think he purposely did that, I think he just genuinely forgot to pay me back. But still… I now realise that it wasn't right.'

Yaz could almost feel the anger begin to rise in The Doctor. Oh Doctor, Yaz was just at the beginning of her story.

'No, that wasn't right. He had no right to take advantage of your generosity.'

'He took advantage in other ways too. I was just too naïve to see it at the time.'

'That doesn't excuse his shitty behaviour,' The Doctor responded through gritted teeth. 'What else did he do?'

Yaz swallowed nervously.

'I don't know if you want to hear about this bit. It's a bit… personal.'

'Personal?'

'Erm, I mean… intimate. It's… erm… about sex. You might not want to hear about that.'

The Doctor's eyes widened, and she shot up in alarm. She propped herself up on her arm to look at Yaz directly.

'He didn't…' She paused, encouraging Yaz to fill in the blanks. Yaz looked at her in confusion, before catching on to what The Doctor was afraid of.

'Oh, no! God no! No, no, he was always considerate of my boundaries.' The Doctor let out a long sigh of relief.

'Okay. Okay, good.' She had looked genuinely terrified of what might have happened that Yaz couldn't help but feel another jolt of love. The Doctor truly cared about her. Yaz turned her gaze back to the sky, not able to look The Doctor in the eye as she told her tale.

'He was mostly good about boundaries. But, there were some things he was careless about. During my first time, he tried to… erm… not use protection, even though we'd explicitly discussed it beforehand.' Yaz paused. 'Are you okay with me talking about this stuff? I can stop…'

'No Yaz, you tell me as little or as much as you want.' The Doctor's words were stilted, but Yaz knew it was because of the story, not because of the subject. She continued.

'The next few times, we would use protection. I was on the pill so it was all fine. But then, he started to… underperform. He would get stressed about it, and it continued to happen. The worst time it happened, he erm… punched himself… down there. He then threw the bedding across the room, and turned away from me angrily. I wasn't sure what to do. After lying there in silence for a few minutes, I suggested that, just this once, we try without. Funnily enough, he was able to perform after that. He was really happy after that.'

'But you weren't.' The Doctor completed. Yaz nodded.

'No, I wasn't. I felt like it was a solution in the moment. But every other time after that, when I would bring up using protection, he would sort of, bat it away and bring up my birth control and say that was fine.'

'Oh Yaz,' The Doctor said softly. Yaz closed her eyes in frustration and embarrassment.

'I know, I know, it was so stupid of me. It was so risky. But at the time, I thought it was normal. I thought that he would leave me if I didn't give in, and I didn't want him to leave me. At the time, I thought I was happy.'

'You were young. It was your first experience, so of course you thought it was normal. I'm guessing he manipulated you in other ways?' Yaz nodded.

'I don't think he ever meant to do it in a malicious way. But…'

'He still took advantage, Yaz. He should have known better.' Yaz shrugged at that.

'I dunno. I mean, he was just as young as I was. I'm sure he knows better now.'

'Sounds like you had to sacrifice a lot.' Yaz couldn't argue with that.

'I suppose. I mean, he wanted me to grow my hair longer because he preferred it that way. He didn't like it if I wore red lipstick. Being the total nerd I am, I love plays, museums, galleries, all those sorts of things. I never dragged him to them, because I knew he didn't like them. But when I would tell him about them, just in conversation, he would just sort of dismiss my interests.'

Yaz felt The Doctor move even closer to her.

'Oh Yaz,' she said again softly. She looked down into Yaz's face, compassion, pain, and anger all there, swirling in her expression. Yaz glanced at her friend, and sighed.

'I know. And somehow I was still besotted. Then came the break up.' Yaz closed her eyes momentarily, trying to gain composure before launching into the most painful part of the story.

'It totally blindsided me. I suppose the signs had been there, but I hadn't seen them. He phones me up one day, saying he didn't know how he feels and if we could talk.' She paused. 'We met up in the park, sat down on a bench, and he started rambling. Something about not feeling it anymore, it's him not me, not sure if he just sees me as a friend or not. It was a lot of vague, lame excuses that I was just trying to process in my head. He was genuinely upset as he did it, but I was just numb. It wasn't a long conversation. We both cried, hugged one last time, then I said I had to go.'

She paused again, taking a deep breath before continuing.

'Now, it doesn't sound like the most traumatic break up. All things considered, it was quite mature for two 16 year olds. I didn't plead with him, I just walked away. But, it left me broken. I had been so in love with him, I couldn't imagine life without him.'

'Separations are hard Yaz. What you felt was totally natural,' The Doctor tried to reassure her. Yaz nodded in acknowledgement.

'Anyway, fast forward a couple of weeks, and things didn't feel right.' She paused, not sure if she was ready to tell the next part of her story. The hardest part. She took a deep breath.

'What didn't feel right?' The Doctor asked softly. She could tell whatever Yaz was about to tell her was going to be the most difficult part of the tale. Yaz turned to look at her friend directly, tears begin to glisten in her eyes.

'I took a pregnancy test. It was positive.' The Doctor's face fell.

'What did you do?' She asked tentatively.

'I was completely lost. I've never been against abortions, but when I found out I was pregnant, I knew I couldn't go through with a termination. But Danny was gone. I was on my own.'

'Did you tell anyone?' Yaz nodded.

'Yeah. After a few days, I told my parents and Sonya. They reacted better than I thought they would. My Dad was angrier at Danny, but I begged him to keep calm. He did once I said I would talk to Danny. Since it was his baby too, he deserved to know.' She gulped, her throat beginning to tighten with the memories.

'After another week of deciding how to tell him, I just bit the bullet and asked him to meet me at the park. Surprisingly, he accepted. Once we were both there, we sat down, barely able to look each other in the eye. I was about to tell him, when he blurts out that he's now seeing Izzy Flint.'

'Izzy Flint? As in, your bully?'

'Yep.'

'Oh, that little…' The Doctor trailed off, controlling her anger. Instead of releasing her rage, she reached out to Yaz, taking her hand fully in her own. It was about time she comforted Yaz. Yaz squeezed back in thanks and recognition.

'Of course, that threw me. I guess he wanted to get that out there. Because I was in shock, I just blurted out that I was pregnant. He didn't take it well.' She swallowed, before continuing. 'He accused me of lying to get him back. I assured him I wasn't lying, but he just left me on that bench, all alone.' She felt The Doctor squeeze her hand. She glanced up at her friend, and saw huge, sad eyes looking down at her.

'And then?' She enquired, knowing there was more. Much more. Yaz closed her eyes, tears beginning to stream down her lovely face. The Doctor just wanted to bundle her up in her arms, but she knew Yaz had to get it out.

'I went to school on Monday morning, just wanting some normality. I wasn't showing yet so no one but my family and Danny knew. Or so I thought.'

'Don't tell me he'd spread it around the school?'

'No, he hadn't. But Izzy had. He'd told her, still thinking I was lying. I guess he thought she wouldn't tell. But of course, she spread it around the school. People were staring at me all day, and at first, I had no clue why. But then, Izzy cornered me in an empty classroom. She and a couple of her friends started laying into me about how I was a liar. About how pathetic I must be to lie about being pregnant to get a man to stay. She then flaunted a picture of Danny and her in my face.' Tears began to pour down her face, but she was stuck in the past, back cornered in that dusty classroom. The Doctor squeezed her hand even tighter, but allowed her to continue.

'I was really, really upset. I was used to Izzy bullying me, but this was a whole new level. Much more personal. I tried to get past her, but she pushed me hard, backwards, into the wall. I tried again, and this time, she pushed me too hard. She pushed my stomach forcefully, knocking me to the floor. I fell on my front.' She heard The Doctor gasp, and she knew her friend was already a few steps ahead in her story. Yet, she continued.

'Eventually, they let me leave. I was in pain, and felt really sick, but I went to my next class. I couldn't focus on the lesson, but as I sat there for the next couple of hours, the pain just got worse and worse. The lesson ended, and I raced to the bathroom.' She stopped to suppress a sob. 'There was so much blood. I knew instinctively that I'd lost it.'

The dam broke and her sobs rose up, now free. All those memories she had suppressed escaped and screamed in her mind. She felt The Doctor cover her body, pulling her into a hug in an effort to comfort her. Safe arms encircled her as she wailed into The Doctor's shoulder, unable to reign in her grief.

'Oh Yaz, I am so, so sorry.' She felt The Doctor kiss her hair, trying to inject as much comfort into the young human she could. 'I'm here, I'm here. It's okay.' She tried to soothe Yaz, rocking her gently. Yaz brought her arms around The Doctor and clung on for dear life. She hadn't spoken about this in years.

And here it was, all coming up again. She cursed Danny. She cursed Izzy. She cursed herself. For letting her child down. For allowing Izzy to push her around. For letting Danny into her life in the first place.

After a few minutes of uncontrollable sobbing, Yaz began to tire herself out. But she hadn't finished her story yet. She wanted The Doctor to know the whole truth. She allowed her sobs to soften, to calm a little.

'There's more,' she whispered. The Doctor held her tighter.

'You don't have to tell me more Yaz, not if it's too painful,' The Doctor whispered into her hair.

Yaz took a deep breath, trying to level off her ragged sobs into more controllable sentences. She pulled back from The Doctor, so her friend could see her face.

'When I went back to school after that, the bullying increased. Because I'd miscarried, everyone thought I had been lying about the pregnancy since there was no baby. My grades started to slip. I started to talk back to my parents. I wasn't in a good place. I just wanted it all to end.' The Doctor caught what was being unsaid, and felt her own eyes glisten over. She raised a hand to move a wayward strand of hair out of Yaz's eyes, and tucked it behind her ear.

'I packed a bag, went up to the moors, and sat by the road. I had no plan. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live either. If Sonya hadn't reported me missing, and that police officer hadn't found me, I don't think I would be alive today.' The Doctor couldn't stop her own tears falling now.

'Yaz,' was all she could say softly. It broke her hearts to know that her friend had gone through all this pain. Yaz looked up at The Doctor, and was shocked to see her friend crying.

'Doctor, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.' The Doctor wiped her own eyes.

'Don't be silly, Yaz. It's just hard to hear how much pain you've endured. I wish you never had to have felt all that.' Yaz looked down at the ground, feeling more tears spill.

'I think about my baby, pretty much all the time. I only knew about my pregnancy for a couple of weeks, but I knew I would love it unconditionally. I even had a nickname for it.'

'What is it?' The Doctor asked gently.

'Little Bean. I didn't even have a scan of it. No evidence that my baby ever existed.'

The Doctor looked at her distressed friend, and encouraged her to look up at her. Yaz's eyes found hers. Young eyes searched ancient ones.

'You know it existed. That's what matters.' The Doctor reached up, hand cupping Yaz's cheek. Her thumb caught the stray tears that still fell. 'You'll always have this grief, Yaz. This kind of loss is not something you can ever get over fully, I don't think anyway. But you know what you do with that pain?'

Yaz shook her head, watching The Doctor's every move. The Doctor smiled, a little sadly.

'Do what you've done already. Keep moving forward. Creating new memories. Seeking out new adventures. I'm not saying forget about your baby, but use all your love and enthusiasm for that child and build your life. Make it as bright as possible. Live your life for those who no longer can. That way, those that we lost will always stay with us.'

Yaz could tell The Doctor was talking from extensive experience. She felt her throat catch, but no more sobs came. She knew The Doctor was right. Love bubbled up from the pit of her stomach. She had never been more in love with this woman.

With love propelling her forward, she leant up so that she was now face-to-face with The Doctor. A question rose in The Doctor's eyes as Yaz pulled her closer, their bodies now flush together. She didn't resist Yaz's movements. Yaz leant forward and finally sought out her lips with her own. She bridged the precipice they had been dancing on, and together they finally tumbled over the edge.