Disclaimer: I don't own OTH or its characters. Or much at all.
A/n: Thank you for the overwhelming response to the last chapter. As a general response to the reviews I know Peyton's return is frustrating for BL fans, yet it's something that had to happen and BL still have many things to overcome both on a personal level and together. Peyton is something they have to deal with. And yeah what's more Peyton than showing up and staking a claim when Lucas is becoming his happiest.
-x-
Chapter Thirty-One
A sense of humiliation washed over Peyton, this Lucas was akin to the man who'd looked at her with venom in his eyes and spat words of hate at her after Lindsey had left him at the altar. Peyton supposed she was the one who had left him standing alone this time, there was a slight touch of shame that had her body on the verge of shaking, yet Peyton held herself together. There were too many other emotions that suffocated Peyton – the sadness and pain of grief, and with it all there was guilt.
Peyton blamed herself, she blamed herself every day without fail, and listening to the hateful laugh coming from Lucas she feared that he knew her secret, and that Lucas blamed her too.
Shaking fingers rubbed at her jeans, they twisted the bottom of her jacket not knowing what to do, her face crumpled, "I'm glad this is funny for you" the look on her face was anything but glad.
"Forgive me if I think you talking about our marriage has to be a joke" Lucas hissed, "sorry, correction, your marriage because I'm not sure we were ever in the same one"
"Can we just… talk like adults?"
"Right now doesn't really work for me" he shrugged, "anything we have to say has waited a year, a few days won't matter"
"Please Luke"
"My son is sleeping" his words were pained as well, he spread his hand into the direction of Noah's room, "you want to talk, fine, but wait until he is at school or-"
"When does he go back to Brooke?" Peyton cut in.
"Next week" Lucas straightened up, "I'm happy to wait"
"A week?" disbelief caused Peyton to ask in a weary voice, the words shaking from her throat.
"One week on, one week off now. You've been gone awhile; a lot has changed"
Peyton gave a nod, then she sent him a sad smile and placed a hand on his arm, "some things never do". In a flash Lucas stepped backwards away from her touch and Peyton let her hand drop, "Monday then, Tric at noon?"
"Fine" Lucas answered blankly, his body didn't move he just stared at Peyton unblinking, as stiff as a corpse, and Peyton nodded again and left. Lucas stood there until he heard the door close behind his estranged wife.
Lucas knew he shouldn't be surprised at Peyton's return to Tree Hill, his ex had always come and gone at her pleasure, expecting everyone to be right where she left them, yet Peyton had a habit of reappearing in his life when he was at his happiest with other people and then turning everything into chaos.
Things were different now, and this time Lucas knew Peyton had twice thrown a spanner into his relationship with Brooke and though he recognised he held some fault in it as well Lucas refused to allow Peyton Sawyer to do it to him again. True happiness was hard to remember when it was gone but the smallest taste was enough for Lucas to want to hold onto it and never let go again.
-x-
There was a strange emptiness inside Brooke the next morning, she hadn't realised how much she had grown used to falling asleep talking to Lucas until the pattern was broken. Brooke had the sensation that something was wrong, she couldn't name the foreboding feeling that haunted her that morning.
Unable to stand being home alone in the silence, Brooke drove to her store, she missed the simplicity of her time behind the counter though Brooke was well aware that she needed to focus more on being at the helm of the company and the design aspect of her career. Millie was Brooke's right hand woman, her skills more suited to helping Victoria run the New York office in Brooke's absence and being the go between when Brooke was unable to be in the city.
Between weekends in the city with Noah, and trips while he was with his father, Brooke was finding a good balance between her two worlds. Millie spent more time in New York than Brooke which had the two see each other in person less and less.
When she arrived at the store Brooke convinced the young manager to take an extended lunch break so Brooke could cover Clothes Over Bro's.
Just after one Brooke looked up from a customer when Noah's voice rang through the store, Brooke smiled with surprise at her son and Lucas quickly pulled Noah away so Brooke could finish with teenager and her mother that Brooke was helping. They headed for the changerooms with three of Brooke's picks and Brooke quickly grinned at Noah and Lucas, "how did you two know I was here?" Brooke asked as she hugged Noah.
Lucas shrugged, "I saw your car" and he handed her a coffee that he was holding, "thought you could use this"
"Thank you" Brooke took the coffee, "where have you two been?"
"Just around." Lucas shrugged, "We're off for lunch, care to join us?"
In an act of avoidance Brooke shied away, hiding her eyes as she enjoyed the coffee he'd given her, "I…"
"Could say yes" Lucas leaned forward, his hand lifted and he wiped a thumb across her top lip, "foam" he whispered for her.
Heat shot through Brooke and her cheeks turned red, "I'm working, and besides you should enjoy your time with Noah, he's missed you"
Lucas grinned "and you'll be too much of a distraction" his tone was teasing but they shared a look of understanding, "I get it" he looked towards Noah who had moved himself further away, occupying himself on his father's phone, Lucas smiled back at Brooke "sometimes it's just about him and not us".
With a nod Brooke grabbed Lucas' wrist in a subtle move, her dark eyes locking with his blue ones "there will be times when it is just about us"
"I want that, Brooke, I mean that if it hasn't been clear" a shadow passed his face, "but we need to talk, can you come over tonight?"
"After you missed my call last night?" she kinked her brow.
"It's about that" Lucas' fingers curled up to lace with Brooke's, "I need to talk to you but not here and not on the phone"
Brooke gave a sharp nod, "eleven to be safe?"
"I'll be waiting" Lucas wanted to kiss Brooke yet he resisted and faced their son instead, his voice became louder "okay, Noah, I better go feed you, Mom's got work to do"
Noah raced over and gave Brooke a hug, "bye, Mom"
"Bye, kiddo" She kissed the top of his head, Noah turned away and while no one was watching Lucas quickly leant forward and gave Brooke a swift peck on the lips leaving her to stand there as they left the store.
The smile on her face wouldn't leave, Brooke tried to relax her expression and it didn't last more than a second as her lips curled back up.
Across the road Peyton took a step backwards, her eyes went from Brooke through the window to Lucas and Noah with their backs to her as they walked down the street away from her.
It wasn't planned though Peyton found herself standing in the same place until twenty minutes later when Brooke left the store. Determined the blonde crossed the road, her steps picked up until she was just behind Brooke.
The designer stopped at her car and fumbled through her purse for the keys, her attention on her task. Peyton watched, she eyed the small smile that was plastered on Brooke's face, her brows lowered in a frown at the glow that surrounded Brooke.
Once the keys were in her hand Brooke looked up and a flash of blonde at the corner of her eyes caught her attention, Brooke turned and felt her smile stiffen in place.
"Hi, Brooke"
Brooke's smile slowly dropped, "Peyton" it was just over a whisper and her keys dropped back into her purse, her tone turned nervous, "Hi".
They stared at each other, their eyes soaked everything in, and neither spoke for a long time. Eventually Brooke started to relax, "how are you?"
"I've been better" Peyton's voice was sharp, she opened her mouth to say something else and then closed it, Peyton shook her head unable to face the situation, "I can't do this" she mumbled to herself.
"Peyton, wait!" Brooke called after her as Peyton walked away, "please, just…"
Once Peyton broke into a jog Brooke let her go and returned to her car, the smile that had been so hard to get rid of was now gone.
Brooke spent the rest of the day lost in thought, her smile nowhere to be seen, she arrived at Lucas' place five minutes after eleven and immediately saw him sitting on the front porch waiting for her.
The second he saw Brooke a light entered Lucas' eyes, he grinned and unable to stop herself Brooke smiled back. With slow, careful movements Brooke joined Lucas, he stood to meet her, his hands went straight to Brooke's hips to hold her as he gave her a gentle kiss.
She let him hold her, Brooke wrapped her arms around Lucas and placed her cheek against his chest where the thump of his heart greeted her.
"I've missed you today" Lucas sniffed Brooke's hair and then he pulled slightly away, "hey, what's wrong?"
"Why did you want to speak to me?" Brooke asked instead, she let him go and stepped back to lean against the porch rail.
The realisation that Brooke already knew hit Lucas, his shoulders sagged, "I wanted to tell you Peyton came to see me-"
"She came to see me too"
Brooke moved aside as Lucas went to hold her hands, he stepped closer "what did she say?"
"Nothing" Brooke shook her head, her eyes were on the ground but she looked up to meet his eyes, "she didn't say anything"
"This doesn't change how I feel, Brooke. It doesn't change anything for us" his voice and eyes pleaded with her.
It was strange, Brooke thought to herself, how calm she felt. Lucas didn't blink and he lifted his right hand to stroke her upper arm as he spoke to her, "Peyton came back because she found out I filed for divorce. I've known for a long time that's what I wanted," he searched her eyes, "because whenever I think about my future and who I want by my side, I see you, Brooke. I know you want to take it slow but I'm all in, I want it all and I want it all with you"
Something inside Brooke swelled, the words were everything she'd wanted to hear from him and yet a hesitance caused Brooke to bite her lip to stop the smile that crept onto her face. Tears formed at her eyes and Lucas cupped her face, he ran a thumb across her bottom lip to release it from her teeth and Brooke smiled, "you have no idea how many times I would have killed to hear you say that" she rolled her eyes, "and I might be crazy for doing this but I think I need to give you and Peyton space-"
"There is no Peyton and I. it's over, it was over long before Peyton came back and if we're truthful it was over long before she every left in the first place"
Brooke placed her hand on his chest, the same spot over his heart that she'd had rested her head against moments ago, she smiled sadly at him, "she's your wife and despite everything that's happened I would be naïve to think a part of you doesn't love her" Brooke quickly placed her finger over his lips to stop him as he went to speak, she smiled a little wider "just like a part of you loves me. I know that, Lucas Scott, I do. Remember when I broke up with you and I said I love you, that I probably always will. Nothing's changed, it never did" more tears ran down her cheeks as she smiled, "but loving each other is not the problem. I can't live my life wondering why you're with me and not her, not again. Last night was perfect, it was romantic and great but I don't want the grand gesture the morning after, I don't need it. And I know you're hurting, you've been through more than I could imagine, and whether you want to admit it or not you haven't had time to even stop and think about what all this means and I need you to sort everything else out before I put myself back in the middle"
Lucas dropped his head, his forehead came to a rest on hers, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I do love you, Brooke Davis, and just when I think you can't surprise me anymore - you do" he whispered.
"I love you too" Brooke lifted her head and wiped away a tear, she tried to laugh but it got stuck in her throat turning her husky voice croaky, "now I'm going to go and I will see you at the end of the week, okay?"
Lucas nodded, he didn't want to let her go but he reluctantly let her pull away, "I'll be waiting" he promised.
With one last flash of a smile Brooke turned her back to Lucas and quickly jogged down the porch steps for her car, already she wondered if she'd just made the biggest mistake of her life. Brooke Davis didn't turn back around though even as she felt his gaze staring right at her as she walked away, of she was anything Brooke was patient, what was a little more time when her heart had been waiting for years.
-x-
A lack of sleep had Lucas feeling on edge, his skin felt uncomfortable all morning. Everything in Lucas rebelled against space from Brooke and as he sat across from Peyton at Tric despite his promise to Brooke to sort everything out all Lucas wanted to do was get as far away from his estranged wife as he could.
Neither one spoke, the silence stretched on, awkward and painful. Peyton shifted in her seat, it felt like ten minutes before she couldn't stand the silence any longer, "why did you come if you're not willing to speak to me?" she sighed.
Lucas shrugged, his eyes confused, "I don't know what to say. You left, Peyton"
"I wanted you to come with me" Peyton's voice didn't break.
"You knew I couldn't"
And Peyton didn't look away, "and I couldn't stay." Her fingers fidgeted with a coaster on the table and for a moment Peyton closed her eyes, "I am sorry about how I left, I know there's no excuse but I… it hurts here, I couldn't stay" and even as she said it Peyton felt the same pressure. The walls closed in on her and every fibre of Peyton's body wanted to hightail it out of Tree Hill but she fought the desire.
"And what about now? What is it you expect, Peyton? because life kept on going after you left and things have changed, I have changed"
"This isn't easy for me-"
"And you think it's been easy for me? I lost her too!" it was almost a shout, "a part of me died with Sawyer and I had to fight every single day to get up and keep going but I did it. I was the one who held her, who planned the funeral and had to go through every thing that was ever meant to be hers and give it away, and it nearly killed me" Lucas stood, "why am I here?" he mumbled to himself. Lucas ran his hands along the back of his neck before facing Peyton again, "It has taken me a long time to be okay with being happy again but I'm finally there, Peyton, we are allowed to be happy again"
Her face crumpled, not in sadness, "with Brooke" she stated and looked to the roof before meeting his blue gaze. "You don't have to deny it, I can see it. Remember I know you two, it's written all over your faces"
"I wasn't going to" Lucas sat back down, "I love her"
Peyton sighed, "and what was… am I?"
"You, Peyton Sawyer, are a very important, special part of my past" Lucas smiled at her, Brooke was right, he loved Peyton and he always would. Though Lucas finally accepted something he'd been loathed to admit for years, he wasn't in love with her. He didn't reach for her hand that was so close to his own on the table, "I wouldn't be who I am without you"
"Is this it then, is this how our story ends?"
"We have our own stories and they're far from over," Lucas took a breath, "I don't want to hurt you, god knows we've been hurt enough, but I can't pretend to feel or want something I don't anymore. I can't pretend we haven't made mistakes along the way, we rushed everything so much because we were trying too hard and it's not meant to be like that"
A little sob came from Peyton. Lucas resisted the need to offer comfort, "for a long time I couldn't understand why you said no when I first asked you to marry me… I understand now, and it's okay"
Peyton gave a nod, and then she slowly opened her bag and pulled out the large envelope, she looked at Lucas with red eyes, "all this pain… I… if we do this, if we just give up, say it's over, it's like saying it was all pointless, that it was all one big mistake, that Sawyer was just a mistake-" Peyton couldn't hold it in any longer and the tears broke free in an ugly sob.
It was the moment Lucas reached for her, he stood behind her stool and pulled her into a hug, "she is the one mistake we never made" Lucas whispered, "everything was for her". Lucas stroked Peyton's hair as her tears soaked his shirt, and he held her until the sobs quietened.
A part of Lucas regretted that he could not give her what she wanted yet Lucas knew that it was a cycle that needed to be broken so he turned silent and simply held her. Giving her the little he had to offer.
Neither knew how much time passed before a calmer Peyton lifted her head and scooted off the stood, she didn't look at Lucas as she took the envelope and put it back in her bag, "I'm just not ready yet" she told him, her voice laced with regret as she continued to avoid his eyes and Peyton quickly walked away refusing to look behind her, refusing to admit how badly she still wanted Lucas Scott to follow her and when she reached her car and slipped into the driver's seta of the comet Peyton let herself look back.
He was not there, one last sob left Peyton as she started her engine and drove away from Tric.
Alone Lucas let out the breath he'd been holding in, his hands went to his hips and then he jumped as an unexpected voice broke the silence.
"Hey, are you okay?"
Lucas spun around to find Haley by a door metres away, her face nervous, she stepped closer, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt"
"No, no, that's fine, I just didn't realise anyone else was here" he winced, "how much of that did you hear?"
"Enough to know I am very proud of my best friend, that couldn't have been easy"
"I tried, Hales, I really have tried to always do the right thing but sometimes it's not that easy to know what that is" he looked young in that moment and Haley reminded herself that they were all only twenty-five.
Closing the gap between them Haley smiled, "the catch is, sometimes doing the right thing isn't doing what's right for everybody else, sometimes it's just doing what is right for you" and Haley placed her hand over his heart.
-x-
Thank you for reading, this chapter was shorter than planned but I thought best to end it here to divide the coming events. I don't think this one needed another scene. It played out slightly different to what I expected and I want you all to know that this fic still has a long way to go, and as such BL have a long way to go. Have faith no matter what is coming that happily ever after is just a realisation away.