A week after Liam's surgery, Santana goes back to work. After a week at home with Brittany, it feels strange being back in the hospital. It feels strange to be checking on her patients, and not on Liam. It feels strange to be away from them for twelve hours at a time. It feels strange, but Santana can't ask Shelby for any more time off than she already has.
The following week, as Brittany prepares to go back to work, she's doing two weeks of nights. Santana is kind of pouty about it, because she's on days, and that means they spend a lot less time together. Her self-pity fades though, when she realizes how concerned Brittany is about leaving him to sleep on his cot in the hospital day care overnight. Though she'd thought leaving him overnight would be better after surgery, like it usually was, he's still recovering, he still has his arm bandaged, and the idea of him sleeping alone seems to daunt her more than it would if she were sending him during the day.
Santana mulls this over for four hours, after she calls to Brittany when she goes out for coffee and hears how frantic she sounds, trying to get ready for tomorrow. They've talked about it before, in the hypothetical. They've talked about her taking Liam, they've talked about her making things easier for Brittany. They've talked about it, but some abstract conversation is different than reality. Some abstract conversation is waydifferent than Santana feeding him dinner, putting him to bed, crawling alone into Brittany's bed, and just…sleeping there without her. It's a lot, and she turns it over in her head for hours, wanting to be completely certain that it might be something Brittany wants, wanting to be completely certain it's something that shewants.
She does, she eventually decides, half-ignoring Kurt as she eats her turkey sandwich on the couch in his office between patients. He's talking about some show he dragged Dave to see, and she can only listen to him drone on about it so much. She figures he'll go to Berry's office later, and she'll actually give a shit, so why bother? She's more interested in obsessing over what Brittany will think, when she tells her that she doesn't have to drop Liam off overnight, if she doesn't want to. She's more interested in obsessing about what this means for their relationship. The night of Liam's surgery, Brittany had made it quite clear that she thinks she'll eventually end up with a partner who could be another parent to Liam. Is Santana capable of that? Is Santana the one who Brittany wants to be that? That's a question that she'll have to leave unanswered for another day.
After work, she goes to Brittany's. She picks up dinner on her way, texting Brittany not to stress about it, because she's got it covered. When she gets there, Liam is in his playroom, lining up his trains and talking to Lord Tubbington. He's quiet, and Santana doesn't want to disturb him. Instead, she just follows Brittany into the kitchen, dropping the requested bucket of fried chicken down on the table, and accepting the beer Brittany holds out to her. It's cold and snowy outside, Brittany's overnights in the pit bound to be full of all sorts of a fall injuries—I absolutely need a plastic surgeon to do my stitches, Santana is reminded of Brittany's impressions of her wealthy emergency patients—but here in the kitchen, it's warm and cozy, making Santana smile.
"What?" The corners of Brittany's mouth turn up in a smile, and Santana shrugs a little.
"I just like coming here." She admits softly, picking at her cuticles.
"I don't know if you know this, but I really like you coming here too. I'm super bummed about being on opposite schedules again, especially because it means sleeping without you."
"I…uh." Santana clamps down on the inside of her cheek, a silent spit it out measure. "I mean…it has nothing to do with sleeping with you, or anything, but…um…I was just thinking about the stuff we talked about a couple times. I know you're nervous about sending Liam to daycare overnight, and…since I'm home, I wanted to tell you that I'd totally be glad to stay with him. I mean, obviously, only if you want to. I won't be offended or anything, I just…"
"You want to stay with him?" Brittany arches her eyebrow, and the disbelief on her face isn't the incredulous type, it's something else.
"Yeah…but I mean it, it's fine if that's not what you want, or if that's not where we are in our relationship yet or anything."
"Do you feel like we're there?"
"I, um—"
"Sorry." She shakes her head a little, and steps closer to Santana. "That sounded like a loaded question, but it wasn't. I'm there, absolutely. You know I trust you with him, that doesn't change overnight, but is this something you feel comfortable with?"
"I'm totally comfortable with him. I felt like we got to spend a ton of time together last week, and I can handle dinner and bedtime and breakfast."
"No. I know you can handle Li. I mean, is this something you're comfortable with for us? I'm not asking to freak you out, but it's a step, and I want to make sure we're on the same page about taking it."
"Is it a step you want to take though Britt? With me, I mean."
"Yeah, it is, but that doesn't mean you also have to want it."
"I wouldn't really be bringing it up if I didn't. You know I run from uncomfortable situations, don't you?" Santana has to smile a little at herself, when she hears Brittany's laugh.
"So we're doing this?"
"What exactly is this?"
"Well, I'm going to give you a key. I wanted to do that anyway, but I didn't want to be presumptuous. This just gives me the perfect opportunity."
"Oh. Yeah. Totally. I mean…you can have my key too, if you want it."
"Thanks." Brittany grins, and she leans in to kiss Santana. "I'll also give you the keys to my car. It's just easier for me to meet you at the hospital, and trade off."
"How very Grey's Anatomy."
"I'd rather you pick a lady couple not from Grey's. You know, I prefer my own love stories without plane crashes and leg amputations and cheating and custody battles and seventeen boxes of tissues in twelve seasons."
"I didn't realize you were such a fan." Santana teases. "Also, you know if anything remotely close to all the absurdity happened at Columbia Pres, they'd probably have to shut down our hospital when everyone stopped working there."
"That's an absolutely fair assumption." Brittany chuckles a little, and tucks a lock of Santana's hair beside her ear. "But is that okay with you? I know we keep our personal life really quiet in the hospital…"
"It's fine." She shrugs. "They spread rumors about us that aren't true, so if they're going to talk about us, may as well give them something real to say. Wow, that was, uh, really calm coming from me?"
"It really was. Who are you?"
"Doccer Santana, Mama! You forgetted her?" Liam wanders into the kitchen, putting his one good hand on his hip and furrowing his little brow.
"I could never forget her." Brittany winks, and picks him up to sit him in his booster seat. "Are you hungry, Li?"
"Yeah! We havin' chicken?"
"We are! And biscuits, and corn."
"Yay, yay, yay, yay, YAY!" He drums against the table, and beams at Santana. "You bringeded me chicken!"
"I did! Did you know this is one of my favorites?"
"Noooo. 'S mine!" Liam giggles. "I forgetted to say hi to you Doccer Santana!"
"Well, hello sir." She extends her hand, taking his. "I heard you did some fun things today."
"Yeah! But tomorrow, Mama needs'a work."
"We were actually going to talk to you about that, Li." Brittany sets Liam's prepared plate down in front of him, and hands Santana an empty one so she can make hers. "Santana is going to have a sleepover with you tomorrow night."
"In her house? With my other trains? Mama you comin' too?" His eyes light up, and Brittany shakes her head a little.
"I'm still going to go to work. We're going to go meet Santana there, and then she's gonna drive our car, and bring you back here. But I bet if you asked, she'd bring one or two of the trains she has for you at her house."
"Will you? Will you?" He wiggles in his seat.
"I definitely will." Santana promises. She considers, for a moment, offering to take him to the toy store, to let him pick out whatever he wants, before she changes her mind. If she's going to do this, if she's going to be part of Liam's life in this…new sort of way, she can't do that. She can't just spoil him rotten, like she wants to. "You just tell me which ones you want, and I'll make sure I don't forget them when I go home."
"Okey! Okey! Mighty Mack, Duck and 'Sabella!"
"I think that sounds like three." Brittany arches an eyebrow, though Santana can tell she'll give in on that. "But since it's your first night with Santana, I'll let it slide."
After dinner, Brittany walks Santana through Liam's bedtime routine. She's been part of it for months now, but Santana knows she wants to make sure she has it down, and Santana also knows that Brittany will leave her a list. Santana, for her own part, is repeating it over and over in her head. She doesn't want to miss a single thing. She doesn't want to mess up on the first day, so Brittany feels like she can't count on her.
Once Liam is asleep, Brittany gets her things together for work. She'd taken some time while Liam was recovering to work on her ongoing research on some new type of skin grafting, and the desk in her office is more disorderly than it normally would be. Santana watches some cooking show in the living room, as to give Brittany her space to do what she has to do, but occasionally, she peers in on her. The way she sits with her glasses on, pen in hand, is a definite turn on, and she just can't help but stare, leaning against the frame of the door, arms crossed over her chest.
"How long have you been there?" Brittany looks up over her glasses, then combs her hair off her face with her fingers. "Wow, I've been in here much longer than I'd planned. Sorry about that."
"I'm not exactly one to comment on how long someone works." Santana shrugs. "Besides, I was enjoying the view."
"Of me organizing my research papers?"
"Yeah, I mean…yeah, who wouldn't?"
"On that note." Brittany laughs a little, slipping the stack of papers she'd been arranging into a folder. "It's time for bed."
"You don't have to—"
"Oh no." A glimmer dances in Brittany's eyes, sending a jolt of arousal straight between Santana's legs. "I definitely have to. I haven't properly thanked you for being the best girlfriend of all time, or shown you how much I love you yet today."
Brittany stands up, and the way she walks toward Santana makes her knees weak. For obvious reasons, they haven't exactly had the most active sex life in the past few weeks, but now, now, as Brittany approaches her, Santana knows that's about to change. Santana knows that Brittany wants her just as bad as she wants Brittany, and she can't help but squeak as Brittany presses into her, giving her a searing kiss, making her ache for more.
There's no time wasted getting up the stairs. Santana doesn't think she's ever moved that quickly in her life, but Brittany's sense of urgency is kind of hot, and so, she slips out of her jeans before the door is even locked behind them. If she's telling the truth, she's kind of desperate for this too, and she lets Brittany press her back on the bed, lets Brittany suck hard on the sensitive spot on her neck, and pull her shirt and sports bra over her head in one quick motion.
By the time Santana looks back up, Brittany is in only her bra and panties. She blinks quickly, trying to comprehend how that's even possible, before Brittany kisses her below the naval, and all rational thoughts go out the window.
"Jeeze Britt." She slurs, voice cloudy with arousal. "You just—"
Santana's words are cut short when Brittany's lips trail down to the of her left thigh, letting them graze, just barely, over the newly shaven skin to the right of it. Sucking in a breath, Santana closes her eyes, and before she knows it, Brittany is hovering above her, pressing a soft kiss to her mouth.
She deepens the kiss, curling her tongue with Santana's, sliding her knee up, just a little, so there's a barely there pressure against Santana's sex. It's unlike anything she's ever done before, surprising Santana with what she'll do next, but she can't say she isn't enjoying it, she can't say she doesn't feel a new sort of thrill, each time her girlfriend moves her lips, her fingers, her knee.
"Tell me what you want." Brittany husks, thumb circling her right nipple.
"I don't…I just…want you."
"Tell me how. Tell me exactly what you want me to do to you."
"I want…I want…" Santana arches up, when Brittany tilts her head down and sucks her peaked nipple into her mouth. "Your mouth."
"Hmm, like this?" She smirks into Santana's skin, and Santana buries her fingers in her hair, nudging her closer, nudging her down. "Tell me, Santana."
"Fuck." It comes out in a hiss, something about this really getting her going. "I want you to go down on me. I want…I want your tongue inside of me. And I want to…I want to go down on you at the same time."
"Oh?" Brittany's eyebrows shoot up, and Santana realizes she said that out loud, realizes she's said that thing she's sort of fantasized about for awhile, but had no intention of saying. Heat creeps up her neck, but as Brittany's fingers trail up her inner thigh, she's not coherent enough for embarrassment. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. Uh huh."
Santana breathes a sigh of relief when Brittany doesn't question it, doesn't balk, disgusted. For obvious reasons, Santana has never done this before, and maybe it borders on pornographic, but the intrigue of doing it with Brittany, coupled with her heightened sense of arousal has made her willing enough to speak her desire.
Before she crawls up Santana's body and lowers herself down, Brittany kisses her hard and slow. She brushes her nose and looks into her eyes, murmuring I love you as she does. It's what Santana needs to quell the butterflies that threaten to turn her stomach into a nervous mess. It's what she needs to close her eyes and fully enjoy when Brittany sinks down on her face, to fully enjoy the taste that floods her mouth, to fully enjoy the way Brittany's thighs bracket her ears, and nothing in the world exists but her pleasuring Brittany, and Brittany spreading Santana's legs, and licking that first stripe through her aching sex.
It's almost unreal, the way Santana feels. Somewhere in the peripherals of her mind, she feels the coil forming low in her belly. She feels Brittany's nails biting into her thighs. She feels her heart rate accelerate. But it's all secondary. Her forethought focuses on Brittany's pleasure. It focuses on sucking her clit into her mouth, on flicking her tongue in just the right way, on making this the best possible experience for her girlfriend. It's the best feeling, being wholly surrounded by her, and so when her own orgasm sneaks up on her, just as she feels Brittany pulsating as well, she's rendered breathless and gasping.
Brittany continues to give soft, tender licks, easing her down, and though Santana is unsure she's capable, she follows suit. She follows suit, until she's nudging Brittany off with her knee, until she absolutely can't handle any more pleasure. As she crawls back up the bed, gathering Santana in her arms, peppering her neck and shoulders with kisses, Brittany smiles. She adores her, Santana feels that more than ever lately, and as she falls asleep, murmuring a goodnight to Brittany, she thinks maybe, maybe, she believes in their love story more than ever before.
When she wakes up the next morning, Santana is feeling particularly mushy. She doesn't want to leave Brittany's house. She wants to snuggle a little longer, before she gets up and makes pancakes for her, and for Liam too. She wants to sit around the breakfast table, sharing the paper after Liam has gone off to play in his playroom. She wants to sprawl on the couch while Brittany builds a fire, and then she wants to make Liam hot chocolate and watch him drop marshmallow after marshmallow inside of it. She wants to live like she's inside of a snow globe or something, nothing but them, in Brittany's house that matters. But she can't. She's got a real world job, and too much work to do.
So she leaves. She kisses Brittany just as she's rousing from slumber, and she races home. She would have stayed longer, but she needs to get Liam's trains. She needs to shower, and she needs to pack a new overnight bag. She feels like she's been almost living out of one for so long now, but it's fine. She wouldn't trade nights at Brittany's for anything in the world.
Her day is impossibly long. She does back to back surgeries well into the afternoon, and she can barely pull off finishing her rounds before it's 5:30, and she needs to get ready to go home with Liam. Truth be told, she's nervous. It feels like a make or break moment in her life. Where six months ago, she was trying to rationalize just how strongly she felt about Brittany, now, she's in full acceptance of her feelings, and more frequently than expected, she wonders what comes next.
At ten to six, Liam bursts into her office. He's all dressed up, in his tiny khakis and a blue sweater, and he wastes no time climbing up on Santana's lap to give her a big, one armed hug. She hugs him back, and just like that, her anxiety melts away. Just like that, she knows she made the right decision volunteering to do this.
With a quick kiss to Brittany's lips, not caring that her office door is open, and an exchange of keys, Santana ushers Liam out to the parking garage. He kicks his legs excitedly as Santana buckles him into his car seat, and once she adjusts the driver's seat, they're off. The whole way home, Liam chatters in the back seat, driving Percy along his legs, and Santana is extra-cautious of the post-rush hour traffic and the falling snow. She'll keep him as safe as possible, that's her most important task right now.
"Doccer Santana! Wha's for dinner?" Liam bounds in the front door of the house.
"I was going to make us some spaghetti."
"Butter?"
"Of course butter." She smiles at him, locking the door behind them, and setting her work bag down on the table in the entryway. "I just want to change out of my work clothes real quick, okay?"
"Yup!"
Santana doesn't expect it, but Liam follows her right up the stairs. He follows her right into Brittany's bedroom, and he sits down on the floor, making tracks in the carpet with Percy and…Gordon, Santana thinks the big blue train he has is called. She's not really sure what to do, if she should just change right here, if she should go into the bathroom, or if he'll follow her if she goes in there. For simplicity's sake, she opts for simply turning around and pulling out jeans and a Columbia sweatshirt from her overnight bag, and changing as quickly as possible.
Dinner is easy. They eat spaghetti, and Liam tells her all about his day playing outside in the snow. She can almost picture Brittany wrapping his arm in plastic wrap, and having him keep it tucked inside of his coat so he doesn't wet the stitches, then the two of them, dancing under the heavy snowflakes, and she wishes she'd been there. She wishes she could be there for everything, and while she's wishing, she wishes that this, the very best thing in her life, never ends.
After dinner, Santana bathes Liam, careful to keep his arm dry, careful not to get soap in his eyes. He grins the whole time, and he grins even after, as she rubs his special cream all over his body, fingers gentle on his puckered skin. Once she's got his teeth brushed and has him in his pajamas, and he has not only Percy, but also Isabella, Mighty Mac and Duck lined up next to his pillow, Santana tucks Liam under his covers, and sits on the edge of the bed.
"Mama say you needa lay down."
"Mama says that, huh?" Santana laughs a little, but doesn't hesitate to lay right beside him, sort of stunned that at thirty-two years old, she's at a place in her life she'd never thought she'd be, let alone this soon. "How's that?"
"Good." He nods emphatically. "Hi Doccer Santana."
"Hi, buddy. You know you can call me just Santana if you want to."
"Hmm." Liam furrows his brow, thinking about it. "No, I call you Doccer Santana, and you call me sir."
"Okay, fair enough."
"When's Mama comin'?"
"Not 'til morning."
"You not gonna leave, right?"
"Nope, definitely not. I'm going to sleep in Mama's bed tonight, and I'll be here when you wake up."
"Then Mama?"
"Then Mama." Santana assures him.
"We cuddle in daytime."
"I bet you do. This is really good cuddle weather."
"You stay too?" His little eyebrows raise hopefully, and Santana seriously wishes she could say yes.
"I wish I could, but I've got to go to work."
"Too much workin'." Liam frowns, then releases a huge yawn.
"You're right about that. But in a few days, Mama and I will both be off, and then we'll do something fun, okay?"
"Okey. You read me a book now?"
"I definitely will."
Santana reads My Truck Is Blue, then Fancy Nancy, then four more books, one after the other. Liam is jittery, and it takes him a long time to fall asleep. Santana thinks, probably, that unless he was with Brittany's parents, he's never spent the night without her at least close by in the hospital, and she's sympathetic. Even after he finally goes out, she stays with him for a long time, just watching him, watching the little person who means more to Brittany than anyone else in the world. It's something else, really, that she trusts her with him. It's something else, what she'd said to her two weeks ago. It's something else, thinking that…someday, maybe, maybe she'll be something other than Doccer Santana to this incredible, incredible little boy.