Just before the New Year comes, Santana hires movers to bring the rest of her things over to Brittany's—no, their house, Santana has to remind herself. She doesn't want to wait any longer. Everything has been following this natural progression, this amazing natural progression, if she's being honest, and she doesn't feel any sort of need to prolong the moving process.
Considering how much time Santana had spent at the house, between hanging out with Brittany, and taking Liam overnight, it doesn't feel like much of an adjustment when she moves in. She doesn't own a lot of stuff,and since she'd made the decision to use her old apartment as a furnished rental property, she doesn't even worry about fitting in much of the furniture she'd paid the designer to pick out for her. She moves in easily, her things fitting into drawers and closets, the few photographs she has mixed on shelves and walls with Brittany's. She moves in easily, and it feels like maybe, maybe this is the place that she always should have been.
For the first time since Dr. Brittany Pierce arrived at the hospital over a year ago, Santana actually finds herself working with her almost every day. Though the reasons for that are obviously not something Santana would choose, she appreciates having her girlfriend close by when she's running down the list of surgeries Priya Salikram will need with her mother. She feels for the woman, her daughter and her husband both in grave condition, even two weeks after the fire that destroyed both their home, and their lives as they knew it, but it's a small blessing, having a plastic surgeon as Brittany on both cases.
Priya's skin-grafting begins a week and a half after Christmas. In the ten days between the fire and the first surgery, Santana has spent hours upon hours in the lab with Brittany, watching as she practices the procedure, watching as she tests possible matches for the small child. There's a dedication of Brittany's face, one that transcends that of just a surgeon. It's a dedication that only comes from a mother who knows the personal stakes of this operation, it's a dedication that only comes from a mother who has once feared for the life of her own child, stuck in the same situation.
The surgery goes well. Though Santana is officially the lead pediatric surgeon on the case, Shelby knows as well as she does that she's more of an assistant, that no one in their department could do what Brittany does. It's six hours long, but the care Brittany takes with this little girl's face is absolutely outstanding. She won't look like she did before, that much they all know is true, but she'll have the best skin-grafts possible, she'll have a minimal chance of excruciating rejection, because Brittany knows exactly what she's doing.
"Do you mind picking up Liam tonight?" Brittany asks Santana, as they share a four-o'clock cup of coffee in her office. "There's a five-thirty opening on the board, and I pushed this rhinoplasty off five days…"
"Yeah." Santana stiffens a little at the mention of the cosmetic surgery. She knows Brittany is possibly the greatest humanitarian in the hospital, she knows why Brittany does elective surgeries, but still, it's the people who think they need it, the people like her who get beneath her skin. "Do you want me to save you dinner?"
"Hey." Brittany cocks her head to the side. "It still bugs you, doesn't it?"
"It does and it doesn't." Santana shrugs. "I'd rather they go to you than someone who might fuck it up."
"It's hard for me too, on days like today. It's hard when I spent my morning on…on a child who will neverlook the way the world thinks is perfect again. On someone like Liam."
"I know why you do it, Britt. I know that you have to. But I don't know how."
"Because not doing it won't change anything for Liam, or Priya, or…or you. It's their choice to make, and it's my job to do it."
"I know…I know." Santana shakes her head, wishing, mostly, that this conversation never came up. "I respect your career, I do."
"I know that." She nods. "Do you want to change the subject?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think so."
"So about this dinner you're going to save me…"
"Hey, wait. Uh, this is not at all related to any of this at all, but…can I take you away for your birthday?"
"You want to take me away?"
"I mean, you're going to be forty, grandma."
"Excuse me, I resent that." Brittany laughs, flicking a coffee stirrer at Santana.
"Okay, MILF." Santana teases, then shakes her head. "Actually, I really, really hate that expression."
"So do I. Please never say it again."
"Believe me, I won't." She crosses her eyes and sticks out her tongue. "But can I? I mean, I don't know. I was thinking like…maybe I'd invite your parents to come too. I wouldn't want you to spend your birthday without Liam, and like, I'm not expecting them to watch him, or anything, but…"
"But maybe you want to take me on a birthday date that wasn't hot dogs?"
"Yes, that."
"So where was it you wanted to take me? And also, you're really cute."
"Um…Mexico?"
"Mexico?" A slow smile spreads across Brittany's face. "I was thinking you meant like, Atlantic City."
"If you'd rather go to Atlantic City—"
"I pride myself on the fact that I have never been to Atlantic City, and I do really like Mexico."
"I know it's sort of last minute, and I don't even know if you can take the time off…"
"Well isn't it a good thing I'm the head of my department." She wiggles her eyebrows. "What about you? Will Shelby let you take time off on such short notice?"
"I…uh…might have asked for time off back in November. I told her I might not need it off, but I figured…I don't know. It's your birthday."
"Have I told you today that I love you?"
"You can tell me again, if you feel like it?" Santana purses her lips, and Brittany leans over to kiss them.
"I feel like it a lot. Seriously, I love you, and if you want to spend my birthday in Mexico with me, then I absolutely want to go with you."
"Okay so…I'll confirm the trip that I maybe, kind of already called a travel agent about."
"You're something else, Dr. Lopez. Something else entirely."
"I still think it's kinda hot when you call me Dr. Lopez."
"I know." Brittany breathes in her ear. "That's why I did it."
When Santana goes back to her own office, she's really excited. That tightness in her stomach about Brittany's rhinoplasty is gone, and before she does her final rounds of the day, she calls both the Pierces and the travel agency, confirming that she can actually do something really special for the woman she loves.
"Doccer Santana!" Liam cries out, when she makes it to the daycare to pick him up. "I needsa show you this! And my Mama!"
"Mama's got to work late today, Sir." She kneels down beside him at the table he's working at, big wooden beads spread out around him. "It's just me and you for dinner."
"But I needsa show her." He pouts pounding his hand on the table. "I's 'mmportat!"
"Hey." Santana puts her hand over his, then realizes it's his right hand that he was pounding, one he still gets frustrated when he's trying to use it. "What is it you want to show her?"
"I wanna show her my grabbin' hand! She say I needsa try!"
"Your grabbing hand?" Santana feels tears prick the back of her throat, this feeling of sheer pride, a sensation she's never quite felt before, swelling in her chest before she even sees it.
"My grabbin' hand!" He closes his right fist around a thick string, and Santana brings the back of her hand to her mouth, holding in her gasp. "See! I do this! Like Manda say!"
"Wow, Liam." She squeaks out. Amanda, his physical therapist, has been coaxing him since his surgery, but this…this is the first time he's made a full fist. This is this first time he's grasped something. "You did such a great job."
"See, now I put beads on!"
Santana watches him, amazed, as he maintains his grip and slides the beads on with his left hand. She wants to take a video, she wants to send it to Brittany, but also, she doesn't. She wants Brittany to see it in person. She wants Brittany to feel the way he wiggles in his seat. She wants her to get the experience that she should have been first to witness, the experience that she's been waiting for, since she made the decision to let the surgery happen. She wants her to witness this, and not on a cellphone video while she's prepping for another surgery.
It takes a lot of coaxing, and the promise of broccoli pizza, but Santana manages to get Liam into the car. She feels terrible that he's so excited to show his mama what he can do, and he can't, but she thinks, maybe, it's a small consolation that she's around, that he wasn't in day care when Brittany had to stay late. She thinks maybe that his excitement to show her is kind of a big deal.
They eat dinner, and Santana gives Liam his bath. She really never thought she had a maternal bone in her body, but living here, spending so much time with Brittany's son, doing these normal things with him, it's started to come naturally to her. It's natural, and again, she thinks of the night he accidentally called her mama. Again, she thinks of that ornament on the Christmas tree. And brushing her finger over the infinity symbol on her neck, she finds herself thinking about the future again. She finds herself thinking about that big, major what if?
Santana has just finished putting lotion on Liam, and helping him into his Pull-Up and pajamas, when she hears the door open downstairs. Liam's whole body jerks up from the bed, nearly knocking Santana right in the face with his head, and he vibrates with excitement.
"I show her now! I show her now!"
As he reaches over and grasps Percy with his right hand, Santana feels that same tug in her heart that she felt earlier when he did the same with the string. This time though, the tug comes from knowing that Brittany will see it. This time, it comes from knowing that she's about to see the face of the woman she loves, when she sees her little boy do something that maybe part of her was never sure possible. Liam holds tight to the stair railing as he makes his way down. Ordinarily, he'd tuck Percy beneath his chin, and hold him there as he walked down, but tonight, tonight he doesn't have to.
"Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! You home!" He holds up his right fist, grip on Percy a little loose, but there, nonetheless. "Mama! I try! See!"
"What did you t—?" Brittany's question dies on her lips, and with one heel still on her foot, she grabs the table in the entryway to balance herself. "Liam!"
"I do it! I tell Doccer Santana I need to show you, but she say you have a surgeny! So I show her I do them beads!"
"Liam." Brittany repeats. Covering her mouth with her hand. "Oh Liam, you did it."
"I do it Mama! I holdin' Percy with my grabbin' hand!"
"I see that, baby!" She kicks off her shoe, and catches him up in her arms, hugging him close to her chest. Santana watches as the tears form in Brittany's eyes, but she quickly looks up and takes a breath, preventing them from falling. "Guess what?"
"What?"
"I'm super proud of you for trying so hard and learning to do that." Her hand wraps around his small one and his train, squeezing it gently. "Does it hurt you at all?"
"I's pinchy, but no hurt."
"Good, baby." Brittany's eyes meet Santana's, and she breathes this sort of visible sigh of relief. "Really good."
It takes a long time for Liam to settle down for the night. He wants to show Brittany how he opens and closes his hand over and over again, and Santana watches him, but more than that, she watches how Brittany responds to him. She watches how she never frowns tired of seeing it, how her eyes light up, how the smile never leaves her face. Then, when he's finished, he wants to snuggle with his mama—and you cuddle too Doccer Santana—and he wants her to read him four books. He fights sleep for a long time, and when he's finally out for the night, Santana doesn't feel like she's very far behind him.
She doesn't go to sleep though. She's really only seen Brittany in surgery, and for ten minutes worth of coffee, and she'd like to sit with her while she has dinner. When they go downstairs, Santana is quick to heat up the oven and get Brittany's pizza reheated. She insists that she can handle it, that Santana has been with Liam all night, but she wants to do it. For someone, outside of her job, who has never taken care of anyone but herself, there's some sort of particular pleasure she takes in being able to do things for Brittany and Liam. There's some sort of particular pleasure in being part of this family.
"Can you believe it?" Santana asks, when she finally brings two beers to the table and sits down.
"Hardly. It was such a struggle to get him to even try, and I'm honestly amazed that he's actually using it."
"I felt really bad that he showed me first…"
"Huh?" Brittany cocks her head to the side, and Santana feels her eyes on her. "Why?"
"I don't know…you're his mom, and it didn't feel right to me."
"Santana. I never want you to feel that way. You're a huge part of his life. You were there while I was deciding what to do about the surgery, you were the one who introduced me to Liz, you were the one right by our side as he was recovering. You're here, every day of our lives. You're…" Santana watches as Brittany pauses, considering her words, she thinks. "You're the other adult in his life. There's no reason why you should ever feel like him coming to you, or showing you something first, or anything, really, would be something I'd be upset about. Maybe I'm being presumptuous, but I feel like…I don't know, I feel like we're in this together now, if that's okay with you."
"What do you mean?"
"We've been dancing around it for months, so I'm just going to come out and ask you." Brittany puts her pizza down, and reaches over to take Santana's hand. "This isn't to put any sort of pressure on you, and whatever answer you give me isn't going to change how I feel about you. But is being Liam's parent something you'd want? In the future, or now?"
"I…" The breath is stolen from Santana's lungs, and she takes a big gasp of air. "Is that…are we there?"
"I'm there. I'm not twenty anymore and playing around, you know? I've told you this before, but if I didn't see our relationship is something permanent, I wouldn't have asked you to move in with me. I'm thinking about what the next steps in our relationship are, like I told you on Christmas. I'm not even asking right now for Liam to suddenly start calling you mommy, or for us to give you legal guardianship of him. I don't want to rush anything you don't want to rush. I'm just saying that I see you as a parental figure in my son's life, and I'd like to know if we're on the same page."
"Do you want more kids?" It comes out, without Santana meaning for it to. She hasn't even answered Brittany's question, but she can't help but ask. She can't help but wonder, especially given her recent thoughts, and yet still, she covers her mouth after she says it. "I mean…yeah, that's basically exactly what I mean."
"I'd like more kids in the future, yes." Brittany nods. "I'd like to have a role in a pregnancy, and a birth, and those first harried months of having a newborn.
"Okay. Okay…yeah. That's good."
"So we're on the same page with that?"
"Yeah, totally. I mean, I'm a pediatric surgeon, but I never wanted kids, until now…with you, I mean, I think about the future more than I've ever thought about it before?"
"What does that future look like?"
"It definitely looks like you. It looks like tucking Liam into bed at night, and watching him grow up. I don't know. I really love him, and when I think about having kids, I do feel like there's already a really important one in my life."
"So if he decided he wanted to call you something other than Doctor Santana in the future…?"
"I think—" Santana feels the corners of her mouth turn up and her heart rate quicken. "Britt, I was tucking him into bed one night, and he thought I was you. He mumbled mama, and I don't know, it made me feel weird."
"Bad weird?"
"No, not bad. Just like, I don't know. Excited, for a second, maybe? I know he didn't mean it like that, and he was confused, but I don't know. My point is, if he ever decided he wanted to call me his mom, I'd be okay with that."
"Okay." Brittany nods, and kisses the palm of Santana's hand. "That's all I wanted to know."