Disclaimer: still don't own OTH, the characters, anything really
Hi, guys! Thank you for the great response. I finished this the other night but have only just had time to finally post it. It is slightly later than I would have liked but as I said I'm going through a lot at the moment. It might be a while before I post a new chapter as it's going to get worse this week for me, then again like I said sometimes sadness does make me write more.
I feel like crying just typing this. Sadly one of my favourite people is dying, my beloved grandfather who is an amazing man and growing up he was where I got my whole sense of family and belonging from. No loss could compare to this for me, except losing a child, and I'm still in a little shock. Over the last month I've had hope that he would get better and come home, however that isn't going to happen. The feeding tube has been removed and the doctors have placed him on morphine so he can pass away peacefully. I don't know why I'm telling you guys this, maybe because its easier typing it and putting it out in the world than trying to get through my day with those words coming out of my mouth.
On a lighter note, though this chapter isn't exactly light, here it is. eNJOY
-x-
Chapter Forty-One
By the time Lucas returned downstairs Brooke was tearfully on the phone, "… he's eight, brown hair, green eyes, about four feet three… slim build… ah, yes he was wearing a yellow shirt and black pyjama bottoms…"
It was a long fifteen minutes before the police showed up, Brooke ended the call with the dispatcher and called for Lucas to come back, before they repeated everything for the police, one officer remained to listen while his partner went to search the house and yard themself.
"I checked the boat as well" Lucas added, he couldn't help but shake his head in shock, "he's never done anything like this before"
"Is anything else missing?" The officer asked.
"His favourite pair of sneakers are gone" Brooke hugged herself, "and his backpack"
"He packed food, took the popcorn by the looks of it and some soda" Lucas ran his hands through his hair.
"And his telescope, he couldn't have gone far" Brooke added. A part of her was almost furious, yet her emotions couldn't quite reach anger, Brooke was too panicked and she saw all the same worries reflected in Lucas' eyes.
Though anger was not able to get through the concern, both parents felt twinges of guilt, Brooke for forgetting what tonight was meant to be while Lucas kept going over the thought that he'd fallen asleep leaving their son alone when he should have been awake and there for Noah.
The officer asked for a recent photograph and Brooke rushed to get one, while Lucas gave more information. As she handed the frame over Brooke changed the hand her phone was in, "I'll call Nathan"
"We'll go looking around" Lucas was anxious, "I can't just stand here" he touched Brooke's arm and she gave a slight nod, before he left Brooke felt his lips on her cheek and then he was gone. Brooke wanted to be out there looking too, though Harry sleeping upstairs and the knowledge somebody had to be home in case Noah came home, kept her where she was.
He had to come home, Brooke told herself, her nails digging into her flesh.
"Nathan?" the officer asked.
"Lucas' brother" Brooke explained.
The officer nodded as Brooke went to open her phone, "and Lucas is the father?"
"Yes. Nathan and Haley live a few houses down" Brooke explained nervously, her contacts open.
At her words the officer paused, "that's pretty close"
"Like Jamie said earlier only like five houses away" Brooke pressed call, the phone ringing at her ear. Her gaze on the officer, she saw the question in his eyes and absently answered his unasked question, "my nephew"
They seemed to have the same thought, Brooke sucked in a breath at the realisation. When Nathan answered the phone half asleep all other thoughts of what she had planned to say vanished and Brooke gripped the phone tightly, her voice came out rushed yet not as panicked as earlier, "Is Noah there?"
There was a pause, then Nathan answered confused, "what? Is Noah here?" the tone saying why would Noah be here.
"He snuck out. Did he go to your house?"
She could almost see the frown Nathan would be wearing, "no… not that I know of"
"Please, check"
"One second" there was sounds of Nathan moving, doors opening and closing. "The house was locked up, I can't see him hanging around outside, you sure he's not at yours?"
"Yeah"
"I can hear Lucas"
Brooke stayed on the line listening to Nathan, Lucas' voice a muffle in the background, "He's walking this way… hey, Luke… yeah Brooke is on the phone… nuh, haven't seen him… sure… Brooke, hey, we are going to go see if Jamie knows anything, if not, then we'll walk around the neighbourhood. Call you back, 'kay?"
"Thanks" Brooke heard the click as the phone call ended.
Not far away Lucas stepped into Nathan and Haley's house, following his half naked brother up the stairs to Jamie's room. Nathan still looked dazed after being woken up, he carefully opened his own son's door and though Lucas could not see far into it he saw the expression on his brother's face and recognised it all too well.
Nathan stumbled into the room going straight for the bed that Lucas, not far behind, instantly saw was as empty as Noah's. Hands frantic in disbelief Nathan lifted the duvet and pillow up, one in each hand, as if his son was somehow hiding beneath them
"Oh god" Nathan mumbled.
"Nate" Lucas gripped his brother's shoulder, his eyes towards the open window.
Nathan dropped the bedding and noticed what had gotten Lucas' attention. Noah's familiar bag sat by the window, "he was here" Lucas sighed in relief.
The brother's walked toward the bag, and Nathan saw the shoes poking out from behind them, he frowned, "is here" Nathan corrected and straight away focused on the open window, when he reached it, Nathan leaned his head through and a sigh escaped from his own body, "they're both here on the bloody roof"
Lucas gently nudged Nathan aside and looked himself. Noah and Jamie were fast asleep leaning against each other, the telescope set up and rubbish scattered around them.
More than anything Lucas was thankful, his sons sleeping face, head resting atop Jamie's was perhaps the best sight his eyes had ever seen.
The night was peaceful until Nathan's angry, loud voice broke the silence, "JAMES LUCAS SCOTT!"
With a startled jump Jamie straightened up, his eyes popping open. The boy blinked, then gulped, "hi Dad… Uncle Lucas"
"Get your butt inside, young man" Nathan growled, "what were you thinking?" he scolded Jamie as the boy scrambled away from his cousin to head back inside.
The jolt had Noah wake up, the older and more serious boy had no look of guilt on his face, he glanced at the adults with a furrowed brow staring at Lucas as if his father was the one in the wrong.
"Inside Noah" Lucas whispered, his hand reaching out for his son. Noah jerked his arm out of Lucas' reach, almost knocking the telescope over as he did so.
For a second Lucas froze, he pictured Noah stumbling and falling off the roof, "careful" he said softly, "come inside, I'll grab that"
"I don't need your help" Noah stated, he then carefully packed away his prized possession and then looked meaningfully at his father before stepping closer to the window once Lucas stepped back.
Nathan was angrily telling Jamie off while Noah climbed back into the room, silently putting his shoes on and putting his backpack over his shoulders. The whole time Noah didn't meet his father's eyes, he turned to his cousin instead "good night, Jamie. I'm sorry you're in trouble"
"Night, Noah" Jamie smiled with a hint of hesitance.
Silently Noah left the room and Lucas had no option to follow, staying close to his son on the way back to the house.
Brooke was waiting for them at the door, her eyes lit up "NOAH!" and though she went to run to hug her son the cold look the boy sent her had Brooke slow down, Noah walked around his mother carefully watching her to make sure she wouldn't come any closer than she was to him.
The worry didn't abate, Brooke glanced to Lucas and he sent her the same confused and worried expression that she wore.
"That ended well" the officer stated.
Brooke let a little of her worry drain away, "thank you for your help. I'm so sorry if we troubled you"
"No problem, miss, it's what we are here for. Just glad your boy was safe and sound, I'll just have a quick word with him before we go if you don't mind" he smiled yet there was a tilt to his voice that let them know it was not a question.
Less than five minutes later the officer left with a nod, "all good here, have a nice night" and he was gone, the police car left the drive way and Brooke locked the door with a sigh. Lucas was still by Noah's closed door when Brooke returned.
They embraced, taking in each other's scent and warmth as they held on for comfort. "it's okay" Brooke whispered, not just for Lucas, she said it for herself, "he's home, and he's okay" she breathed in deeply and let it out.
Then Brooke stepped back, her hand staying on Lucas' waist, she nudged her head towards the closed door. They weren't sure what awaited them, together, hand in hand, they entered Noah's room.
The sound of his parents entering did not have Noah turn around, "I want to go to bed" Noah's voice was dry, he sat perched at the edge of his mattress, eyes staring unblinking at the wall opposite.
"Noah…" Brooke began, "you can't just leave the house without us… anything could have happened, five houses away or not… someone could have seen you alone at night and taken you, we would have had no idea where you were or when you left-"
"Okay"
"It's not okay" Lucas' feelings were returning, wanting to fight against the blankness Noah was giving them, "do you have any idea how worried we were?"
Brooke stilled Lucas with a hand on his arm, her voice a touch sweeter, "I'm sorry about tonight. I understand we let you down but-"
Suddenly Noah stood and faced his parents, his eyes narrowing, they appeared slightly grey and wet though no tears fell, "you understand nothing"
"Noah" Brooke was taken aback by his anger, "you can't just leave the house no matter how angry you are, you can't put yourself at risk. Sometimes you can't have what you want and it's okay to be angry but you can't leave the house like that especially without us knowing"
"If anything had happened to you-" Lucas added and it was his turn to be interrupted as Noah's voice came again. Stern and cutting he looked between his parents as he spoke.
"I am okay. I don't need you! I was fine for six years without the both of you and you didn't care about me then why should I believe you care about me now?" his green eyes glared. In their shock neither parent spoke, Noah's frown deepened, "You don't want me, you don't care about me. Not really. You gave me away! The only reason you found me is because you couldn't have any more kids, one you really wanted!"
Brooke gasped, "Noah" her eyes watered, "that is not true. Of course, we care about you. I always wanted you"
"Lies" his face was simultaneously white yet flushed pink around his cheek bones, "I heard you telling Uncle Nathan you can't have any more kids. It explains why you wanted me back. And now you have a new baby, and all you care about is Harry. You don't care about what I want, you didn't ask me if I wanted to change schools or move here, or if I wanted a brother. I don't. All he does is cry and I hate him and I hate you"
The room suddenly turned deathly silent as Lucas and Brooke stared at their son in shock.
His breathing grew louder as his words lingered in the air, Noah's shoulders sagged though his eyes flinched as Brooke was awakened from her shock and she stepped forward her hand freezing between them, she lowered it with tears slowly running down her cheeks as she did so.
"I… I always wanted you. I thought you understood that. I love you more than anything, from the moment I knew you were growing inside me. All I wanted was for you to be happy, it wasn't that I didn't want you I… I didn't think I was good enough to be your mom, I was so scared I would not be enough or I would hurt you but I always loved and wanted you"
Noah frowned.
"Every day without you it was like a piece of me was missing, if something happened to you… we wouldn't… no other baby or child could ever replace you, not before, not now and not ever".
Noah's focus and anger were directed at his mother, he said nothing at her words and his eyes held doubt.
"I'm sorry, I am so sorry. For everything." Brooke briefly glanced at Lucas, the apology for him as well, and then she turned her olive-green eyes back to Noah's lighter ones, "You're right that I haven't asked you what you wanted, I understand that it must look like we've made all these decisions for you for years and that's not really fair" The last two years flashed before her eyes and Brooke could imagine being in Noah's place, all the changes, all these strangers suddenly taking huge roles in his life. Brooke had never seen Noah angry before, not true emotional anger, it broke her heart.
She paused for a moment, a weak smile on her lips trying to connect with her son. Brooke stepped forward again grateful when Noah didn't flinch or move away, though she didn't attempt to touch him or get any closer, "you can tell me what you want-"
A light shone in his eyes, they flickered, Noah's chin stubbornly lifted, "I want you to go, this is my room and I don't want you in here"
Brooke opened her mouth to speak, she looked at Lucas in desperation feeling trapped and not knowing what to do. A part of Brooke did not want to leave her son like this however another part of Brooke wondered what damage would be done to the fragile trust between them if she did not choose to respect his request. Lucas was also unsure what to do, he went to speak and Brooke saw. Instead, the brunette bit her lip and quickly spoke first, "okay" she nodded, "okay, if that's what you want, I'll go" and the look she sent Lucas told him that though she was giving their son space she needed him to be there for him while she couldn't.
The anger was still so strong and fresh for Noah, and Lucas didn't quite know how to handle it. Noah kept his eyes away from his father as his breathing relegated to normal, an almost inaudible sigh escape Noah as the boy sat back on his bed, eyes on his feet.
"You're a very smart boy, Noah, you understand more than most kids your age do," Lucas was proud yet he spoke now with a touch of sadness, "but even you're sometimes wrong. For one your Mom only found out she might not be able to have another baby recently, a long time after you moved here. Remember when she was in hospital?"
Noah remembered all too well, the memory and emotions returned to him. The fear he would lose his mother felt real even months later and something cracked inside Noah.
"She found out then. That had nothing to do with her bringing you home, she'd want you no matter how many babies she had, and we both love you very much, not just because you're our son but because of who you are as a person, and we care about you more than anything. You have no idea what it was like for us when we woke up tonight and you were gone… the whole world became darker"
Noah silently listened to his father and as he finished his eyes flickered a little, he quickly glanced at Lucas before looking back at the ground as he remembered walking into the room and seeing his mother pale and bleeding, eyes closed, and the feeling as if he was sinking into the floor, the world disappearing around him, everything somehow darker even if it was right in front of him.
Still Noah held doubt, it wasn't always easy to trust others. To rely on them. Noah had never had to rely on any particular person before, they came and they went, for two years he had expected for his parents to not be there anymore, he wasn't sure on the reason yet he had been expecting and waiting for it anyway. Though each day they were still there, with a smile on their faces.
"Why did Mom ask for Sam and Harry, but she didn't keep me? Mom loves kids… I don't understand why she didn't look for me before" Noah's tone was softer, "And ever since Harry came, she's so busy with him…"
"Harry needed help and he's so much younger, Noah, he can't do anything himself and… I guess, we didn't realise you needed us more too" Lucas held up a finger, "give me a moment"
Noah looked up after his father left the room, and kept watching the door way until Lucas reappeared, a piece of paper in his hand, "your Mom gave me this letter when she told me about you"
After a long moment of Noah ignoring his father and the letter, Lucas continued. "It's normal to get angry sometimes, especially at your parents. You've been through a lot, lots of changes and new things, and I can't promise that things won't keep changing, but sometimes changes are for the best" Lucas smiled at Noah, "like finding you"
With a frown Noah looked at the letter, his face curled up in something almost like disgust. The boy did not know if he could trust his parents, what they told him, or how they felt.
Noah had grown to love his parents, he tried not to need them though sometimes it seemed impossible not to, and he admired them. Yet sometimes Noah's mind went to all the years before, all the years they hadn't been there. It was confusing, and not many things confused Noah.
With downcast eyes Noah stared through the letter in his hands, Lucas sighed and stopped speaking and the silence engulfed them for a moment before the father placed an arm around his son's shoulder, briefly resting his cheek against Noah's hair.
"We're here for you, son, always will be" Lucas placed a kiss upon the top of Noah's head. They sat together a little longer, no more words between them, Lucas at a loss, finally he pulled away slightly, "it's late, you should get some more sleep. Try to stay in your bed this time" his voice was dry at the last comment.
Noah remained seated as his father left, once the door was closed Noah unfolded the letter and let his eyes find the words.
-x-
The moonlight framed Brooke as she stood staring out the glass doors in her bedroom, her arms wrapped around herself. Lucas found her standing in the dark, her shoulders slouched, and though no sound came from her he knew Brooke was crying.
With sure feet Lucas made his way to Brooke and pulled her too him, turning her into his embrace and he held her, "it's okay, it's okay" he reassured her, his voice low.
"How can it be okay? Our son hates me!" Brooke pulled slightly back, wiping at her eyes "and he should. He's right, I did just give him away"
"There's no just about it. Brooke, it wasn't as easy as that" Lucas shook his head fiercely, his eyes intense as they stared into Brooke's watery ones, his finger going to her chin to lift her face up, "Noah doesn't hate you. He's eight and he's angry, and he's hurt and confused. He's just a kid and he does not hate you, that boy adores you, Brooke"
Her eyes looked into his, full of self-doubt, "I hurt him"
"We're the parents Brooke, sometimes we are going to disappoint him, sometimes we are going to hurt him. It's okay to make decisions, where we live, having kids, all that's normal for parents to decide. Everything else… this isn't exactly a normal situation, but he knows you love him, he does, and we are just going to have to show him we are not going anywhere, even if it takes a life time"
"I would take it back if I could, you know that, right? If I could go back I would hold onto Noah for dear life, I would tell you about our son, I would do everything differently. Everything" as she spoke Brooke's tears fell harder. With his thumbs Lucas brushed her wet cheeks and smiled, he gave a nod.
"I know" and he pulled her into a hug again. They both knew changing the past was impossible, so as Lucas held onto the love in his arms, he held onto the thing they still did have the power to control. Their future, together.
Lucas slowly manoeuvred Brooke to the bed, wrapping her in his body as she continued to let her emotions out. Slowly her shoulders relaxed, "is Noah okay?"
"He's safe, he's home and he's loved" Lucas answered, the words not calming Brooke in the least, "give him time, let him sleep. In the morning we will all still be together"
In his arms Brooke nodded, "thank you… again. I don't know what I would do without you"
"You won't need to find, and for the record you don't have to thank me for being here, I wouldn't want to be anywhere else"
Brooke smiled through her tears, "everything Noah said…" her smiled dropped quickly, "he's not the only one I haven't asked what they wanted. I feel like I have steamrolled over your life, and here you are, being great, when I keep throwing things at you. I didn't ask you if you were okay about me fostering Harry, yet you're helping me so much, and I never once asked you how that made you feel… I realise… he's about the same age"
Brooke gulped not knowing how to continue.
"Sawyer would have been"
"Yeah" she tried to read the look in his blue eyes.
"I don't mind, if that's what you are asking. The truth is it's always a little hard, it catches me sometimes out of nowhere. The what could have been, the questions I have, the longing of missing something and someone that I never even really got to know. It feels wrong. But sometimes it's not a bad feeling to wonder, to remember, I don't want to forget my daughter. But Sawyer's not here, and I always knew how big the capacity of your heart is, you don't need to ask me, Brooke, the answer is always going to be yes, you can bring home a dozen babies and I am right here with you for the ride"
"Okay, a dozen seems extreme"
"Half a dozen then" he kissed her nose as he said it.
"Okay. And just so you know, it goes both ways. I'm all in too"
"Good to know, Brooke Davis, good to know"
Somewhere along the way Brooke's tears had dried, she snuggled into Lucas feeling safe in his arms, trusting him when he said it was all going to be okay. They were a family, and they could get through this.
-x-
Most mornings in the Davis house were early, when Lucas woke, fully clothed still, he could see the sun was higher in the sky that it usually was when they woke up. In his arms Brooke was still asleep and Lucas gently moved his arm out from underneath her and got out of bed. The house was silent, Lucas didn't find Noah in any of the living spaces even though it was later than usual for the boy's morning routine.
The strangest difference in the silence was the lack of a young child's cries. Lucas popped his head into Noah's
room and breathed a sigh of relief when his son was still fast asleep in bed, exhausted from the night before. Next Lucas made sure Harry was alive, the younger boy was silently asleep as well.
Lucas usually went for a run in the morning though he decided to skip it and instead went straight to have a shower. He hadn't been under the water long when Brooke's naked body pressed up against his back, her arms wrapping around him, "good morning" he greeted her, covering her hands with his own.
"Morning"
They stayed like that for a minute or two before Brooke stepped back, and without any further words they both went on with their joint shower, Lucas helped wash Brooke's hair before he hopped out. While Brooke finished his shower Lucas dried himself, his eyes straying back to her over and over again, "the boys are both still asleep"
"I know, I checked too" her voice was quiet, only just able to be heard over the running water.
"I was thinking of making pancakes for breakfast" he tried to smile, "your favourite"
"Sounds good, wait for me and I'll make sure French toast too. You and Noah prefer that"
"Okay" Lucas finished with a last shake of his head, and watched a little longer as Brooke lifted her face to the showerhead and closed her eyes, standing still as if she was able to just wash all her worries away.
"Stop thinking so hard" Brooke didn't open her eyes, "I can feel you watching me"
Lucas chuckled and quickly left the room.
Once dressed in jeans and a plain tee, Lucas went back upstairs. Though Noah was still asleep Harry was happily sitting up in his cot playing with his favourite toy.
"You look happy today, isn't your timing perfect" Lucas mumbled as he got Harry up. Fifteen minutes later the toddler was in his playpen while Lucas was at the kitchen counter getting the ingredients ready.
Brooke soon joined him, she kissed his cheek before helping with breakfast though as time ticked on her nerves became more and more apparent.
When Noah came downstairs, still in his pyjamas, mother and son locked eyes. They were both frozen, not knowing what to say. Lucas broke the tension, "morning, kiddo, we're making pancakes and French toast. Good sleep in?"
Noah nodded, he shifted slightly, and then he faced his mother, "can I do anything to help?"
"Uh" her mouth opened slightly, "of course. Would you like to set the table?"
The tension abated. And they all set to work, Harry was calm and happy playing, almost a different child. Brooke and Noah didn't mention the events of the early morning however they carefully spoke to each other and Noah made an effort to help his mother.
Still the conversation during breakfast felt a little unnatural, everyone slightly more reserved than normal. It was far from unpleasant though and after everything was cleaned up Lucas announced he needed to run an errand, offering to take Harry with him.
Soon he was gone with the content toddler and Brooke's car. And Noah and Brooke were alone, with nothing between them. After waving goodbye to Lucas as he drove away, Brooke found Noah sitting at his piano, the music drifting through the house.
"Hey, Noah, mind if I join you?"
He shrugged and Brooke sat gingerly on the end of the wide bench, she took a deep breath, "about last night-"
"Dad talked to me. About the baby thing…" his hands froze on the keys.
"Oh" Brooke licked her lips, "that wasn't a good time for me. Your father and I were just getting back together, and I admit the idea of not being able to give him the big family he always wanted was harder I think than not being able to have more children myself. That something was wrong with me and because of that I would be taking the chance away from him, because… I took that chance away from him before… with you" Brooke held back the tears that threatened to fall, "it's the biggest mistake I ever made and the biggest regret; that I didn't trust him more, that I didn't believe we could do it, and I let all my fears drive me to give you away. And I understand if you can never forgive me because the truth is, Noah, I can never forgive myself"
Noah suddenly looked at Brooke, he frowned. A part of Noah wanted to tell her it was alright, that he did forgive her. The eight-year-old stayed silent. Noah loved his mother, he more than loved her because he actually liked her, Noah even could understand sometimes why his mother made the decisions he did, however even though Noah could understand it he could not quite forgive her.
Still, he was happy that his parents were back in his life, he was happy here in Tree Hill.
"It was just luck that we all got a second chance, and for that I'll be forever grateful" Brooke added, "because you're the best thing"
"I wish you hadn't given me up for adoption" he said plainly, "but I am glad to be here. And I love you, Mom, I don't hate you"
"Love you too"
Then they were hugging, and the way Noah wrapped his arms around Brooke's neck was testament to how far they had come from that first meeting day in the library. And for now, it was enough.
-x-