As soon as the words leave Santana's lips, it feels like time freezes. So what if we did? They seem like the epitome of things that should make her want to run away, they seem like words she should take back, but she doesn't. Maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the romance of the evening, she's not quite sure, but it seems like the only idea in the word that makes sense in this moment.
"You'd want to do that?"
"I mean…not right now. I'm honestly way too drunk to have a wedding, this isn't Vegas. And Liam's sleeping, and I wouldn't want to marry you if he wasn't here. But like…I could marry you tomorrow, if you wanted to."
"I…wow." Brittany's eyes are on Santana, but she doesn't squirm. "I've told you already that I'm ready to get married when you are, but you've had a lot to drink tonight. I think we should talk about it again in the morning when we're both sober."
"I might freak out when I'm sober."
"Trust me, I know." She laughs a little, kissing the side of Santana's head and pulling her close. "But I'd rather you freak out before we decide to get married, and change your mind, not go through with it and have you regret it."
"I don't think I could ever regret marrying you." Santana sighs, almost dreamily. She knows she's not herself, she doesn't sound like herself, but still, she feels so light, so relaxed. "You're so good for me."
"You're good for me too, Santana. And you're good to me, so much more than you know."
"I just want you and Liam to be happy."
"You make us happy, I can promise you that."
The rest of the night is a little bit of a blur to Santana. She remembers making love to Brittany, playfully humming Happy Birthday as she goes down on her. She remembers fully wrapping her naked body around Brittany, telling her she loves her, and she's so glad she was born over and over again. But by the time she wakes up in the morning, her head throbbing, most of the details of the evening as a whole are pretty fuzzy.
She rolls over, pinching the bridge of her nose and trying to swallow, in spite of the dryness in her throat, and she realizes Brittany isn't in bed beside her. Blinking her eyes open, she looks at the clock. It's nearly nine-am, and she doesn't think she can remember ever sleeping this late on a day she hadn't just gone to bed after an overnight. She pushes herself to sit up, and there on the nightstand is a bottle of water and four pills laying on top of a note.
Hey!
Didn't want to wake you you—you looked really cute snoring next to me. Liam's down at the beach with my parents, and I ran out quick. I'll be back around nine, if you want to wait for me before you head down there.
Love you.
Santana swallows the pills. She needs to pee, and she really needs to brush her teeth to rid her mouth of the state tequila taste that lingers, and she wants to do that before Brittany gets back. With a groan, she forces her legs over the side of the bed, and has a lingering thought that something big may have happened in her and Brittany's relationship last night.
It comes to her when she's brushing her teeth, and her mouth drops open, toothbrush falling into the porcelain sink. There's a moment where she thinks she should regret what she said. There's a moment where she's absolutely paralyzed with fear, but then… Then she realizes she has no reason to be. She thinks back to Christmas, when Brittany gave her that little box. She thinks back to what she said then, it's a promise that I will buy you one. She thinks back to the night that Brittany told her that she can be a parent to Liam, if that's something she wants. She thinks back to Brittany saying that she'd want to have another child. She thinks back to every single moment since she first met Brittany, where she's felt like she's been careening toward the inevitable. Careening toward a lifetime with this amazing woman, who she once found so incredibly frustrating. She thinks back to all of that, and she realizes that while drunken words may have sprung from her lips, they weren't all that out of context.
She's splashing water on her face when she hears the door to the hotel open. Her stomach drops, thinking that the next few moments may determine the rest of her life. Reaching for the towel, she scrubs her skin dry, and she pulls back her hair, cringing a little at her frizzy hair and blotchy face. This isn't exactly how she wants to look right now, but it's too late to do much of anything.
When she comes out of the bathroom, Brittany is sitting on the bed. Santana isn't sure how exactly she manages to pull it off, but she's just so effortlessly beautiful in a printed sundress, her hair pulled back, and her sunglasses on top her head. Brittany smiles when she sees Santana, and heat creeps up her neck, looking down at the long t-shirt and panties that she's wearing.
"How are you feeling?" Brittany asks, patting the sheets beside her for Santana to sit down.
"Actually not as bad as you'd think, considering how much tequila I ended up drinking last night."
"You really enjoyed those margaritas." She laughs, leaning over the kiss Santana's temple.
"I did. Depending on how I feel in a few hours, I might order one." Santana shakes her head, contemplating how that will go over. "So…uh…last night."
"Last night. We can forget it happened, if you don't want to talk about it."
"And if I don't want to forget?"
"Then I have some things to show you."
"What things?" Santana looks around the room, biting her lower lip.
"None of this is to push anything on you, okay? I was just up, and my mom had left us a note that they had gone down to the beach at 7:30, and I just figured that I would look into some things."
"Things about weddings?"
"Things—" Brittany hesitates for a moment, Santana can tell, and then she nods slowly. "Yes, things about weddings."
"So that's something you'd be fine with, just having some spur of the moment wedding in Mexico? I mean, didn't you plan the wedding that didn't happen for over a year."
"I did, and look how that worked out. Frankly, I don't care about a wedding, Santana." Brittany stands quickly, and she goes over to her suitcase, pulling out the box for her face cream.
"What are you doing?"
"Showing you this." She opens the box, and pulls out a smaller box, a jewelry box.
"Oh my God. Were you going to propose to me, and I blew it?" Santana gasps, covering her face with her hands.
"I didn't have a plan to propose, no."
"Then I…I don't understand."
"I bought you a ring a few weeks ago. I actually wasn't in the store intentionally to buy you one, I just happened to walk past when I went out to get us lunch."
"The day with the sushi? When it took you like an hour?"
"Yes." Brittany laughs. "The day with the sushi. I didn't bring it here with a plan to propose. I figured if the timing was right, I would, but you didn't ruin anything. You just made the timing right for me to give you this."
"Brittany…"
"I love that you asked me to marry you on the beach on my fortieth birthday. Now I'm asking you to marry me back."
"You make my proposal so much more romantic than it was."
"It was romantic. It made my heart almost jump out of my chest when you said it, Santana. If you want to get married on the beach today, I know how to make it happen. If you want to wait until we get home, and we plan something big, I'm okay with that too."
"You…know how to make that happen?"
"That's where I was. I talked to the hotel, they gave me a lot of information, and I sat in the lobby and read over it. It'll take us most of the morning to get it arranged, but it's possible to get married on the beach tonight at sunset."
Santana takes a moment to process it. Not just the fact that she could be Brittany's wife by the time the sun goes down tonight, but the fact that Brittany, steady and careful Brittany, had gone out in search of all of the information to make it happen, if this is what Santana wants. Brittany brought an engagement ring with her to Mexico. Brittany wants to marry her, and all of this, it just feels like fate.
"We can really get married tonight?" Santana whispers, awe-struck.
"There's a flight your mother can get on, if you want her to fly down."
"Is there anything you didn't think of?"
"I don't want you to think this means I'm pushing you—"
"I don't. This just makes me think, for the thousandth time since I've met you, that you're exactly the person I want to spend the rest of my life with."
"So does that mean this is a yes?"
"You're sure you want to marry me, Brittany? I'm no less of a disaster than I was when you met me."
"You are everything I've ever wanted. There is no part of you that isn't perfect to me. You're thoughtful, and brilliant and gorgeous, and I love you in a way that hardly feels real."
"Okay." Santana whispers, completely unsure what to say in response to that. "Then let's get married?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Without hesitation, Brittany opens the ring box, and she slips the simple diamond on Santana's finger. For someone who'd hardly imagined that she would even even be in a relationship, the weight, both physically and emotionally, of the ring on her finger gives Santana a rush. This woman, this absolutely perfect woman, the woman who is the complete opposite of her, in every way possible just gave her a ring. This amazing woman managed to turn Santana's drunken proposal into something special, and with the way her heart pounds, she finds it hard to breathe.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah. Uh-huh." She nods. "Just…you know, I get that anxious feeling in my chest. I need to breathe for a second."
Brittany puts a gentle hand on Santana's thigh as she breathes slowly, in and out, in and out, in and out. It frustrates Santana, the way she physically reacts to things, but she thinks that if the medication she's on hasn't stopped that from happening, if being in a stable relationship with a supportive woman hasn't stopped it, then it's just something she has to continue to manage on her own.
"Kiss me?"
"Of course." Brittany leans in, pressing her lips to Santana's, and her hand to the side of her face. "Okay?"
"Yeah." Santana swallows. "Really good, actually. I should call my mom…I don't know if she'll come, but…since we're going to get married at sunset, I should give her some time to decide."
Santana calls her mom. She doesn't actually expect her to drop everything and come to Mexico. She doesn't expect that she'd want to. Though their relationship has really improved in the years since she'd left Santana's father, she's still not really sure how close they actually are. So she's surprised when she reacts excitedly to the news, when she books her flight before she even hangs up the phone. She's surprised by the sense of peace it gives her, that her mother is actually going to be here for this.
While Santana takes a shower, Brittany goes down to the beach to tell her parents. By the time she's finished, Brittany is back in the room, and she's helping Liam out of his wet bathing suit and into shorts and a t-shirt. She smiles at them, twisting her wet hair into a braid, because she won't bother to do it now. She smiles, and she watches, waiting for Liam to notice her presence, because she knows Brittany already does.
"Doccer Santana! Doccer Santana!" He wiggles away from Brittany. "Mama say you got a s'prise! Mama say you got a s'prise!"
"I didn't tell him yet." Brittany mouths to her, and Santana nods.
"We goin' somewhere! Where we goin'? Where we goin'?"
"Hey, come sit, Li." Brittany pats the floor beside where she sits folding his bathing suit on top of his towel. Liam plops down, and then Santana takes a place cross-legged beside him, feeling Brittany squeeze her calf. "So, we're going to do something really special tonight. Do you know what it means to get married?"
"No! What's married? Can I get married? Is it food?"
"It's not food, baby." She laughs, kissing his head. "It's when two grownup people love each other, and they make a promise to love each other forever."
"But you a'readylove Doccer Santana forever and ever and ever! And me too! I can marry you Doccer Santana?"
"I'll tell you what, Sir, when I marry your mama, that means I'll promise to love you forever too, okay?"
"Okey! Like a mama?"
"Um…"
Santana looks at Brittany. She feels like the entire world is frozen around her. This little boy, who she loves like she never thought she could love is looking at her with eyes black as hers. He's looking at her with this sense of wonder, like this new thing exists, something he didn't know possible, and it cuts through her. She breathes deeply, and she takes his small hand, smoothing her thumb over puckered skin, memorizing every bit of this moment.
"Only if you'd want that, Sir Liam."
"Mama still my mama?"
"I'll always be your Mama, my baby boy. But if you'd like Santana to be a mama to you too, then I'd like that a lot." Brittany strokes his hair, but looks at Santana as she speaks.
"How's I gonna know who's who?"
"Oh." Santana covers her mouth with the back of her hand. The ease with which Liam has accepted this is just…something. "Oh, my Liam. You can call me whatever you want. Mom, or mommy, or you can still call me Santana, anything you want."
"Even Wonder Woman?"
"Even Wonder Woman." She chuckles, and hugs him close, her chest swelling as she does.
"I think about it, okey?"
"You think about it as long as you need, Li." Brittany wraps her arms around both of them. "But in the meantime, we're going to all go out together and do a few things, because guess what?"
"What? What?"
"We're going to have a wedding today, and we have a lot to do!"
"A weddin'?"
"A wedding, where we all get dressed up really fancy, and then go down to the beach."
"I still no know what this is, but okey!"
Liam swings between them as they walk through the resort and into the big terra-cotta lobby. Santana is so grateful that Brittany went and did all of the research while she slept this morning, because with the way she's overcome with emotion, she's fairly certain that she couldn't have managed to handle any of the logistical preparation.
They take a cab to the consulate. Santana's hands shake, as she signs the marriage application forms. The "z" in Lopez dips just a little lower than normal as she signs. Her knees jiggle, as they wait for their visas to be translated into Spanish. Her heart races as her chest x-ray is performed. Her stomach twists as they pay their license fee. But when that piece of paper is handed to them in an envelope, all of those nervous tics stop. She suddenly feels weightless, and she glances again at the ring on her finger, before she looks back to Brittany, with Liam on her lap. It's real, it's all real, and butterflies erupt low in her belly.
Because they opt to wear sundresses, rather than anything traditional, they don't spend long shopping. On the way back to the hotel, Liam sleeps in Brittany's lap, and Santana clutches the bag containing her white sundress, and another with the wedding rings they'd bought. Closing her eyes, she leans her head on Brittany's shoulder. She needs to take her pills when they get back, she needs to make sure that she isn't having a meltdown in the middle of her wedding, but for now, the proximity to Brittany is calming, the proximity to Brittany reminds her that this is good, that this is everything she wants, despite the way her heart pounds.
By the time they get back, Maribel has arrived. She and Whitney sit out by the pool sipping mojitos, and Santana is suddenly stricken by just how grateful she is that this has all worked out. She wouldn't want a big wedding, and as much as she loves Kurt and Mercedes, even having them there would serve to overwhelm her. Eloping with Brittany would have been more her speed, running away to Vegas for the weekend with Liam in tow, perhaps. But now that it's about to happen, having their parents here, on a private beach in Mexico, it seems like everything she should have dreamed of.
Brittany takes Liam to get dressed in her parents' room. Santana tells her it's not a big deal, they can both get dressed together, but Brittany, perhaps wanting to keep something traditional, is insistent that they don't see each other dressed just yet. She laughs a little at her, but she doesn't protest, she just gets in the shower, and starts what might be a long process of trying to look more beautiful than she ever has in her life.
She has rollers in her hair, when there's a knock at the door. Assuming it's her mother, who'd promised to come by when she'd finished getting ready herself, she goes with her partially opened dressing robe. Instead, she's surprised by Whitney, and quickly pulls the silk closer around her, before stepping back to let her in.
"Oh…um…hi Whitney, I wasn't expecting you."
"Sorry to surprise you, honey, I just figured I'd come in to see how you were doing, and if you needed anything."
"I'm okay, I think. I had two glasses of champagne to stop my hands from shaking long enough to do my makeup…"
"You're nervous?" She quirks an eyebrow and plops down on the chaise in the living area.
"I'm just…I don't know, I feel a lot. It's a big responsibility, being enough for them."
"I'm fairly certain you already are, Santana. Brittany does things with her head, if she didn't feel like you were just the right person, she wouldn't be doing this."
"It's more than just being Brittany's wife though, Whitney. There's so much more at stake than that. I mean, I don't even know what you think of all this."
"By all this, do you mean my grandson?"
"He was your daughter's son." Santana shakes her head, fighting back the tightness that presses against her ribs. "And I just…I feel like you should have a say in all of this."
"In what? In you being his mother?"
"Well yeah. Do you hate that?"
"I actually don't think I should have a say. My daughter left custody to her sister, because she had full faith that every decision she made would be in her son's best interest. But, just because I don't have a say doesn't mean I don't have an opinion." Whitney looks at Santana, and Santana swallows hard, the tightness expanding. "And in my opinion, you'll be a great mother to him, and a great wife to Brittany."
"But doesn't it make you—"
"Sad? Heartbroken? Yeah, it does. Every time something incredibly happy happens, I regret that she doesn't get to be here for it. That she doesn't get to stand at Brittany's side when she marries a woman she loves with everything in her. That she doesn't get to watch Liam grow into this amazing little boy. That I'll never get to see her smile, or hear her laugh in response to all of it again. But that doesn't mean I'm not over the moon for Brittany, and that I'm not so glad you'll be part of our family."
"Whitney—" Santana starts, but Whitney shakes her head, wiping tears from her eyes.
"Enough of this, what do you still have to do?"
"Just take these rollers out and put my dress on."
"Well good." The partially opened door opens, and Maribel steps in, white lilies in hand. "I'm just in time."
Whitney goes back to Brittany, and Santana gets dressed. She's fairly certain that she's never seen her mother cry before, but when she puts on that simple white sundress, and lets her clip the flowers into her hair, she does. She cries, surprisingly, a lot, and Santana is taken aback by the strength of the hug she gives her, by the murmured apologies that she breathes into her ear. Apologies, she guesses, for their shared years of hell, apologies that Santana wants to say aren't necessary, but she can't deny that they feel really good to hear.
And then it's time. Santana leaves her shoes behind, and with Maribel following, she walks down the pathway to the beach. The very bottom of the sun kisses the ocean, making the sand spread out before her shadowy. In the shadows, she sees Brittany, one hand holding her dress up, and the other holding Liam's hand, feet in the ocean and facing away from her. The sight steals her breath, and she pauses, taking them in. Her future, right there on the beach.
Almost as if she can feel her, Brittany turns. Her face is bathed in shadows, and Santana can't make out her features, but she knows that she's smiling, beckoning her to come join them. She doesn't hesitate any longer, she steps into the warm sand, and she walks to them, watching Liam turn and wave to her, whooping with joy in his pressed yellow button up.
"We not swimmin', we waitin'! We needs to show you somethin'!"
"You do, huh?" Santana takes his other hand, but she can't take her eyes off of Brittany. Tears spring to her eyes, and she leans over to kiss her lips, whispering against them, "You're beautiful."
"You're beyond words, Santana Lopez." She gives her another kiss, letting her lips linger until there's a pull of Liam's hand.
"Mama! We needs to show her!"
"Okay love, let's show her, but remember, little feet need to stay back, right?"
"I putted my little feet before." He giggles. "Come see!"
Santana's eyes are still glued on Brittany as she lets Liam lead her forward. Suddenly he stops, and he lets go of their hands, jumping up and down. She looks down, and there are their names, written in the sand, just like they'd seen the night before, rose petals spread out all around it. She gasps, and then chokes on a laugh, seeing Liam's footprints smearing the edge of the heart. Without a second though, she scoops him up into her arms. His sandy feet brush her dress, but she just holds him tighter, hugs him harder, and fights not to keep her tears at bay, at least for now. When Brittany's arms wrap around both of them though, she loses control. She's entirely overcome with emotion, and when she chokes out a sob, it's mixed with laugher.
"You make me so happy." She gurgles kissing Brittany's lips over Liam's shoulder. "I'm so afraid I'm going to wake up from this."
"You not sleepin', Wonder Woman!"
"We're going with Wonder Woman, huh?" She laughs harder, until her knees buckle, and she falls back into the sand with Liam in her arms.
"I tryin' all them names! Next I say, you silly, mommy, and you maked us fall."
Oh my God. Brittany mouths, clutching her chest. The way Santana had felt when Liam had called her mamain his sleep suddenly pales in comparison to this, and she squeezes him harder, not even trying to stand up again.
"Too hard! Squeezin' too hard! Mr. Noodle, stop!"
"Mr. Noodle?"
"Yup! I try that name too."
It isn't until the officiant comes down to the beach that Santana finally manages to find her feet again. Brittany takes her hand and helps her up, and Liam dances around in circles, unsure how to stand still with all the excitement that he can't quite understand.
"Are you ready?" Brittany leans in, pressing her lips to Santana's ear. "Are you sure?"
"I've never been more ready, and I've never been more sure."
"Then let's get married."
The pink of the sunset reflects from the ocean onto Brittany's face as they stand before the woman who will marry them, and Santana takes both of her hands, squeezing them tightly. The way Brittany looks at her makes her insides twist, and she tilts her head to the side, a silent thank you for loving me. She feels Liam's little hand wrap around the material of her dress, and without looking, she knows he's doing the same to Brittany. She's never seen anything more beautiful than Brittany, right here, in the moment they'll be married, and she struggles to even hear the words that the woman between them is saying.
Hi.
Hi. Santana smiles at the way Brittany's eyebrows raise when she mouths the word, and she just can't help herself, she has to bring Brittany's hand up to her mouth and kiss the back of it.
A beaded lasso is placed around the two of them, and Liam giggles, seeing them wrapped up like that. Santana looks down to wink at him, and he picks up the frayed end of the rope, tapping it on her thigh. The officiant speaks in Spanish, and Santana's mind is going as fast as it can, translating so she can tell Brittany exactly what they've promised later on. To protect and nurture their relationship. To show tenderness and consolation. To show each other respect, confidence, and faithfulness, to provide advice to one another. To control their faults and support one another. To be blessed with (more) children, and to set a good example for them.
"Si, I do." Brittany promises, when she switches to English, and repeats everything for her. Santana watches her eyes in that instant, the way they sparkle, the way they look deep into hers, and in that look, she feels an immense wave of calm.
"Santana?"
"Si, I do."
Santana doesn't hear anything else. All that exists in the world is Brittany putting a ring on her finger, Brittany pulling her close, Brittany kissing her lips, Brittany dipping her so low that her hair touches the sand beneath them. She's giddy, a word she'd be hard pressed to have ever used to describe herself, but now, there's nothing else. Now, there's this woman who she loves completely, her wife kissing her on the beach. She wraps her arms around Brittany's neck, and she couldn't care less about how long a proper wedding kiss should last. She's going to savor this moment forever…until she loses her footing again, and pulls Brittany down on top of her in the sand.
"Did you forget how standing works today?" Brittany laughs, pressing her hand to Santana's face.
"I think it was the champagne, and also being totally in love with you."
"Hey! Me too! Me too!" Liam jumps on top of them, and Santana accepts Brittany's help sitting back up, so she can hold Liam in her arms. "You did the weddin'! You did the weddin'! We's married! We gonna be married forever!"
"That's right." Santana shivers at the way Brittany looks at her when she says it, and she rests her hand on top of Brittany's. "We absolutely are."