Welcome back, I hope you guys enjoyed the last chapter. Hopefully something can snap Rose out of this behavior/ new persona.
Let's find out shall we?
Today I was guarding Rose's Theory class today. I had to cover for another guardian, so this will be my first time in this class with her. It's the last period of the day so after we can head straight to the gym for our afternoon practice.
Walking into the classroom, I was surprised to see Rose already there sitting. Looking at the clock, I saw the bell to dismiss class wouldn't ring for another 5 minutes or so.
"How are you here so early Rose?" I asked while approaching her.
With the same straight face she wore all the time, she shrugged "I had off last period, figured I spend it here instead of the library."
That's when I noticed she had quite a few books out, proving her study time. Man, this is just getting weird. Rose WILLINGLY spent her free period in Stan's classroom to study. Her behavior has really become unnerving to me and I am really getting irritated by it. It's like she is some sort of robot or something, showing no emotions all the time.
Before I could say more, I heard the first bell rang. I moved to my position at the back of the classroom as the students slowly began to fill the room. Half way between the 2 bells, Stan Alto walked in and began to straighten things out on his desk, before class started.
Once the second bell rang he immediately began to take attendance. Reaching Rose's name, he looked up when she stated her presence.
"Ah, Rosemarie, on time yet again I see. With this little streak of yours you might actually become a decent guardian upon graduation." He said haughtily.
The whole Rose became incredibly silent as everyone in the class was waiting for what would happen next. Even I have her about the legendary battle of words between Guardian Alto and Novice Hathaway. The class was ready to watch this verbal spar, me included.
Rose and Stan stared at each other for, what felt like hours. Stan with a smirk and one eyebrow cocked, while Rose had on her impassive face shield. Rose then exhaled and shrugged her shoulders.
"Maybe" she said in a bored tone.
Stan was thrown off by her response, or should I said lack of response, as he somewhat fumbled trying to get back into his task of taking the attendance.
The whole class sent out a feeling of disappointment and the series of events, but all it did was make me feel more worried about Rose.
Class passed eventually and even I had to admit that it was incredibly boring to sit in on, so I can only imagine how hard it is for a bunch of students to focus as well. As soon as the bell rang, Rose immediately got up and left.
Stupid Stan, even when I have done nothing wrong, he still can't help but be such an asshole. It took everything in me to not give him a verbal lashing after his sly little comment in the beginning of class. But that is not the way guardians should behave, we should control our emotions, restraining them to only inside thoughts. Still I was relieved to hear the bell dismissing us. I wasted no time in leaving and heading straight to the gym to change again for my afternoon training session with Dimitri.
I was already waiting in the gym, doing jumping jacks when Dimitri walked in. I could tell that he was frustrated by something. His brows were slightly scrunched together, forcing his smooth skin to crease slightly. He quickly changed his clothes while I continued to do my jumping jacks. Coming back out he headed straight for the sparring mat. I followed his lead.
Dimitri was very tense, as though he were in deep thought about something. His thinking didn't effect his fighting capability though, it was like his body was put on auto pilot as he just kept blocking my attacks, but made none of his own. Getting annoyed that he wasn't going to even throw a punch, I dropped my guard suddenly. When I did that though his eyes suddenly came into focus as he grabbed my forearm and swiftly flipped me onto my back.
"Don't lose focus." He sternly advised, allowing me to get up.
"Well, if I thought you were paying attention I would not have dropped my guard." I was getting agitated.
"Well, it seems like Rosemarie can speak" he replied arrogantly.
"SHUT UP COMRADE" I snapped back. Then I became silent, I haven't called Dimitri Comrade in really long time. I hope he didn't notice, but when I looked at his face I can see that he noticed it too by the slight curl in his lip.
"I'm glad to see that this behavior is all an act." He said smugly.
"It's not an act, this is the new me!" I yelled, not realizing that I was contradicting myself. In frustration I just rushed at Dimitri, sick of seeing that stupid smirk on his face as he raised one eyebrow, questioning me.
Before I new it, my back hit the floor again. Dimitri was on top of me with my wrists pinned next to my head.
"Why do you need to be someone else Rose? You are fine the way you were. This act of yours is displeasing." He said harshly.
"Oh, well that's too bad. Sorry my behavior doesn't please you Dimitri. Even if it did it would make a difference. I need to become a better guardian."
"So, blocking out your friends, spending no time for yourself, and never showing emotions is what makes you a better guardian?"
"WELL IT WORKS FOR YOU!" I yelled back.
Dimitri went silent, as he got off of me. I swore I saw hurt flash in his eyes though. I didn't mean to hurt him.
"I-I am sorry Dimitri." I whispered
"It's fine." But with his back facing me I knew that it wasn't.
"No, no it's not. I should have said something like that. I didn't mean it. It's just—I'm trying to find a way to function properly." I was at a loss for words. For once, I realized I was having trouble expressing myself.
Even though I didn't appreciate Rose's verbal jab at me, I pretty much forgot about it as I saw the woman I love sit on the floor with her knees to her chest looking absolutely lost.
"What do you mean Roza?" I sat next to her in the same position, looking down at her hoping she would look at me.
"It's just—after Lissa was kidnapped and we—talked—about why we can't be together, I realized that I can't be with anyone, nor do I want to." I flinched hearing her train of thought but before I can counter it, she continued.
"My charge should be my first priority. I have no intentions of becoming some Moroi guy's play thing, so I don't worry about having children. All I have to look forward to is watching Lissa live her life. I understand why guardians can't get attached. Why they are, generally, so cold. It's to focus on our duty. Since that's is all I have, that's what I plan to do. But- it's so hard"
"Rose—"
"How do you do it Comrade? How do you stay detached from others, from those you love?" she looked at me with her big brown eyes, filled with unshed tears.
"I don't, I can't" I replied hoarsely, starring deep into her eyes. I hope she can see what I'm trying to tell her. I can never stop loving you.
"Roza, you can't help being attached to others. No guardian can because it goes against our nature. Guardians that are detached are usually the first to go down."
"why?"
"Because they have nothing to fight for, we all have a reason why we fight, and, for most of us, it has nothing to do with our charges."
Rose shifted her gaze back to the front of her, but I can practically see the wheels turning in her head.
"So, what do you think I should do?" she asked with an almost desperate undertone.
"Enjoy your life, especially outside of work. Guardians don't work 24/7, you have plenty of time to do the things you want to, enjoy spending time with those that you care for. It's what always stick with you." I offered.
"Ok" she said in a meek voice that I could barely hear.
We sat there for a few more minutes, rethinking the advice I just gave to her. I guess I need to do what I just told her as well. Outside of my family being in Russia, and Skyping them every week, I don't really have any connections in the US, except Rose. Even though I can't be with her in the way my heart wants to be, I can still-
"Thanks Comrade, I really appreciate it" Rose said quietly, startling me out of my thoughts.
"No problem Rose, any time" I got up following her lead. Practice was pretty much over but, I am glad I got through to her.
"Rose?" she turned to face me, but the words that came out of my mouth I didn't even expect
"I will always be here for you, you know. When you face difficult things like this, I don't mind being a listening ear." She smiled warmly at me as I felt butterflies in the pit of my stomach when she looked at me.
"I-I mean, we are going to become training partners one day, so it would be good that we develop a trusting relationship. I-IF you want of course, I'm not pressuring you or anything. I am sure you have plenty of people who are wi—"
Rose cut off my nervous rambling when I felt her arms close around me, giving me a hug.
"I get it Comrade." She chuckled slightly. Then taking a step back and continued. "You already have my trust Dimitri, if you didn't, I wouldn't have spoken to you like I just did. So, yes"
"Yes?" I raised an eyebrow at her
"Yes, I'll be your friend, I would be honored" she gave me the most dazzling smile of ever seen. I was pretty much speechless.
Dropping her smile suddenly, she looked up to me with a serios face. "But first you must do one thing."
Now completely confused and curious I asked "what is it?"
Opening her arms, she said "You gotta give me a nice hug Comrade, come on, bring it in" as she made come hither motions with her hands.
Chuckling I approached her slowly, only to scoop her up in my arms suddenly squeezing her tightly, like I do with my sisters.
Roza squealed in surprise and I couldn't help the laughter that escaped me as I spun her around. It felt like the whole world stopped with her in my arms. A part of me believed that in my arms was where she was supposed to be. Her sweet scent filled my nostrils and I could help how much at I felt at peace, enjoying being happy with her.
I think she felt the same as I heard her sigh in content, pulling her face from my chest, we looked at each other. I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, as her eyes drifted to my lips, making me want to lick them.
"Then it's a deal, Comrade." Rose stated as she pulled away from our embrace. Going to grab her bag in the other part of the gym, she started to head towards the exit. Before she reached the door, she paused turning with the same beautiful smile that I missed she said "I'll see you tomorrow Comrade, sweet dreams."
"See you tomorrow morning Rose" I responded, letting a small smile grace my face.
Well, even though I know Rose and I can't be together, I am definitely not turned off to this new relationship. Our relationship as friends.
Oh ok so I'm glad that that breakthrough happened. Rose and Dimitri as friends is a great idea, at least I think so.
Talk to you guys soon ok. Please continue to review and let me know what you guys think.
Until next time.