When they tell their parents after Liam goes to bed on Sunday night, they're overjoyed. Before they can even ask Maribel about watching the baby, she volunteers, telling them that she could use something to fill up her days, and that she'd been considering offering to help with Liam before this, but didn't want to step on any toes. As excited as this all makes Santana, she's incapable of staying awake to enjoy it. She's too nauseous, and it seems that the only balm for it is sleep.
There's a heat wave the next week, and when the power goes out in a potion of upper Manhattan on a day where the downpouring rain doesn't lift the heat, the hospital switches over to the emergency generators. As hot and sick and irritated as Santana is, she can't help but smile to herself, thinking how a power outage is what got her into this situation to begin with.
Sylvester postpones all non-emergency surgeries, and after Santana walks the floor to calm down her patients and their families, she finds herself sitting at her desk in the dim light, with her eyes closed, trying to will away her nausea. She's completely refused to take time off of work, instead, vomiting secretly in her bathroom and brushing her teeth at least three times during the world day, and today is no exception.
"Mommy Noodle! Mommy Noodle." She hears Liam cry, and her eyes fly open, full of concern.
"Liam! Whats wrong?"
"It getted so, so dark and I getted 'fraid!"
"Oh no!" Santana stands up, feeling a wave of nausea wash over her as she approaches where Brittany stands holding him. "That's no fun."
"No way!"
"I didn't even think about that." She sucks in a breath looking at Brittany. "I'm sorry."
"Santana, no, I didn't either." Brittany shakes her head. "They called me, so I went to get him. Do you have any surgeries?"
"No, they're all cancelled. Are yours?"
"They are, but Sue asked me to help her in the pit. Can Liam hang out with you for the rest of the afternoon?"
"Hmmm." Santana leans in and tickles Liam's belly. "What do you think, Sir? Do you want to play in my office today?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes! I needs to get the markras!"
"The markers, huh? Are you going to draw something new for me to hang up?"
"Yes! Yes! Yes! And for Mama!"
"Then I think we're going to have a really fun day." She takes him from Brittany's arms, swallowing back the bile that seems to be incessantly present in her throat. "Britt, you're sure you don't need me down there?"
"It's actually relatively calm for now. If I can avoid paging you, I will. But Li, baby, if I need Mommy's help, you're going to go back to school with your flashlight, okay?"
"I no like the dark there." He shakes his head, burying his face in Santana's shoulder. "I can stay with Mommy Noodle."
"I'll take care of it." Santana looks at Brittany, nodding her head. "I've got it."
"Okay." She leans in and kisses Santana's lips. "Drink more water."
"Why?" Santana sucks her lips into her mouth, feeling if they're chapped. "Are they gross?"
"No, it's just hot, and you're really warm. I don't want you to dehydrate."
"I'm trying." She sets Liam down and lowers her voice to a whisper. "It's just on the list of things that make me sick, along with…everything else."
"Are you sure you don't want to go home? I can talk to Sue, tell her it's a childcare thing…"
"Please don't. I'm really trying to go under the radar a little longer, and I don't want anything to give it away yet. I'm already gaining weight way too fast, and I really was hoping to get to sixteen weeks without saying anything here. That's still six weeks from now, and somehow I'm ballooning and I'm hardly eating. I can stick it out for the day, and hopefully you don't need me. But Britt?"
"Yeah?"
"Just…" She looks over at Liam, tugging at the toy bin she keeps under her desk. "If you need me, don't treat me like your pregnant wife. Page me like you would anyone else."
"Okay…"
"Promise me."
"I promise."
Santana never gets paged. It makes her anxious, but she distracts herself with Liam, sitting on the floor with him and writing letters under the yellow glow of the generator lights. When six o'clock rolls around, she starts cleaning up the mess they made, and she sighs heavily, glad she's gone the four hours without getting sick. If she's being honest with herself, sometimes she feels like maybe she bit off more than she could chew, that maybe she isn't as cut out for this as she thought. Inside, she loves the idea that she's carrying a baby, that she and Brittany are expanding their family. But there's also a strange nagging sensation, like she's too dramatic, like Brittany must think she's weak because of how tired and sick and irritable she is, even if she'd never say it.
The power is still out when Brittany comes back up to her office. She's wearing scrubs, her hair is pulled up in a bun on top of her head, and she looks exhausted. It's obvious she'd been in surgery, and Santana sighs, knowing just how much it sucks to do emergency surgeries when the power is out. Physically, it's almost the same with the generators, but mentally, it's draining, afraid something will go wrong without the full arsenal of tools to fix it. She pushes herself to her feet as Liam runs to Brittany and hugs her leg, and Brittany just shrugs, cocking her head to the side.
The traffic lights are out all the way home, and it takes them nearly an hour to make it back. Using the flashlight on her phone, Santana lights the way into the house, and Liam shrieks and clings to her, now that the sun is going down, and everything looks even more frightening than in the light of day. Brittany lights candles everywhere, and because they don't know how long it'll be until the power comes back on, they don't open the refrigerator, and instead, eat peanut butter sandwiches and sliced apples for dinner, Liam sitting on Brittany's lap as he has his.
Hoping there's enough hot water in the reservoir, They take turns with the fastest showers the can manage, putting Liam in first, since they know a bath will tap it out completely. Because Santana insisted on going last, there's a chill at the end, but given how hot the house is, even with all the windows open and a slight cross breeze, she can't even complain about it.
With Liam in Brittanys arms, and sheets and pillows in Santana's, they go back downstairs. It's insufferable on the second floor, and together, they blow up the mattress and make the bed up, figuring it'll be better if they sleep down there. By the time they're done, Santana is dripping sweat, and she sinks down into the chair, completely winded.
"Mommy Noodle, you sleepy?" Liam asks, candlelight flickering across his face.
"I am, Sir, and I think maybe it's way past your bedtime."
"I gonna sleep in this balloon bed with you, okey?"
"Come on Li, hop on up." Brittany pats the mattress, and he scrambles up, bouncing as he does. "Percy, check! Blanket, check! Liam, check!"
"You so silly, Mama." He giggles, curling up with all of his things.
"Close your eyes, love, I'll sing you to sleep."
The sound of Brittany's voice lulls Santana, until she's almost in a trance. In a strange sort of instinctive way, she rests her hand on her stomach, and she hardly notices she does it. She's gained weight, definitely, but it's too early to have a bump. Instead, her just rests on the chunk that's developing, and she closes her eyes, listening to Brittany sing lullaby renditions of early-nineties pop songs to put Liam to sleep.
"Do you want to go to bed, Santana?" Brittany startles her from her half-asleep state, but she shakes her head.
"I haven't seen you all day. Come sit with me."
"Hi." Brittany murmurs, fitting herself into the space beside Santana on the chair. Santana studies her face, shadowed in the orange glow of the candle on the table beside them.
"Hey. Are you okay? You're quiet tonight?"
"I'm okay." She nods, resting her head on Santana's shoulder. Despite the heat, Santana doesn't mind the closeness, and she brushes the hair from Brittany's face so she can look into her eyes. "A girl died on my table today. I knew he was going to before I even got in the room, but…well, you know how it is."
"What happened?" Santana sucks in a breath, knowing firsthand how little comfort there is in the aftermath of that.
"Fireworks. Her boyfriend and their friend decided the light that off in the apartment earlier, and she took one to the face."
"Ugh." Though she tries not to, Santana can't help the visceral cringe. "I'm sorry, Britt, that's awful."
"I just find myself getting angry in situations like that. It's part of the reason I'm not particularly fond of summer, I deal with too many firecracker injuries. Usually it's a drunken mistake, but these kids were sober and dangerous."
"What would even posses someone to light one off in the house?"
"Stupidity." Brittany spits bitterly. "No awareness of the ramifications of that sort of careless act. It makes me sick. Sorry…I don't mean to be so angry now that I'm home with you."
"You can be angry. Shit, you know how I get, I'd be fuming."
"No, I know, and I love that you get it, but I hate bringing this kind of thing home with me."
"We can change the subject, if you want, Brittany."
"Can we?" Brittany arches her back and cracks it. "I can't believe the power has been out this long."
"I know. It's been, what, a decade since we've had a blackout like this?"
"More than that, I think. I remember watching it on TV in the lounge at Brigham and being astounded."
"I was still doing my undergrad. God, I was supposedly 'home' for the summer, but I spent almost every night sleeping on Mercedes' couch. Her mom started setting an extra plate for me." Santana shakes her head. "My parents got divorced that fall."
"That must have been really hard for you, in college and dealing with all that."
"Honestly? I spent ten years before that hoping that my father just wouldn't come home from work ever again, so I was relieved when she left him. Mercedes bought me a drink in the bar that night to toast to it."
"I'm glad you're out of that situation, and your mom too. She's such a good person."
"She is." Santana nods. "She loves me, and she did the best she could for me while she was in an abusive marriage. I think she thinks doing things with our kids is a second chance for her. Anyway…we were talking about the blackout and I just completely sidetracked the conversation."
"It's not sidetracking." Brittany shakes her head, splaying her hand out over Santana's tank top on her abdomen, just letting it rest there because. "I know it's hard for you to talk about your past, so whenever you do, I'm more than willing to listen."
"It's okay, I'm good. It's just funny the things you remember from a day like that, you know? I can distinctly remember wearing red Converse and sitting on the steps outside of the library when everyone started to panic. Mercedes and I saw 28 Days Later the night before and she started making a plan to escape the city in case the Rage virus was starting."
"I can picture that." Brittany smiles, kissing the top of Santana's head. "I also think it's so amazing that the two of you have been friends for so long."
"We're just kind of stuck with each other. I actually feel kinda bad I haven't made time to have dinner with her. I guess I feel weird about not telling her I'm pregnant if I do."
"Do you want to tell her?"
"I do. I don't actually know what my issue, is, Britt. I got so weird about telling our parents, and now this. Like, am I afraid of good things?"
"Maybe you are. I'm saying that with so much love, Santana, but I still don't think you believe good things happen for you, and you're afraid when they do."
"I know…I really do know that I am." Santana shakes her head. "I'm just…honestly terrified something might happen. I'm always anxious, and I know that my psychiatrist said the medication I'm still on is safe, but…things happen. We're doctors, we see things happen. I don't want to be one of the ones it happens to. The more people who know, the more real it is, and the worse it is if something does."
"I understand that." Brittany nods. "I just worry about how much you keep bottled up. I'm not telling you what you should do, but maybe going out with Mercedes and talking to her, whether about that or not, would be a good thing. She knows your past in a way that I don't, and I do think that she understands you in a certain way."
"Maybe I'll try to go out with her next week. Then I'll make a decision if I'm going to tell her. I mean, if I'm not already showing by then, I feel gigantic, and I know Roz is going to tell me that I'm gaining weight too fast still at my next appointment. I don't even know how it's possible, when I'm puking all the time."
"You're eating healthy, Santana. She just has to tell you the normal range, but your body might just be reacting differently. If you're craving the cherry slushes, I think you should be able to have them."
"Don't think I wasn't thinking about them today when I knew I couldn't get one." Santana can't help but laugh. "The minute the power comes back on, i need one."
"I promise I'll make that happen. I guess the heat can't be making you feel that great."
"Yeah, not so much. If my mother still had power, we'd probably be staying there tonight."
"Do you want me to sleep with Liam on the couch so you have more space?"
"No. Absolutely not." She looks over to Liam sleeping in the center of the air mattress. "But I think I do need to go to bed, you look pretty exhausted too, and I'm pretty sure I might pass out right here."