Santana begins to get used to staying home. Even Brittany's trip isn't completely awful, and she does have a nice time with Liam and her mom. Every day, she gets bigger and bigger, every day, the twins grow stronger and healthier, every day, she breathes a sigh of relief that they're still inside of her. She's going to make it to term. She tells herself that each morning she wakes up, and again before she goes to bed. They're going to be fine. They're going to be just fine.
The day of their baby shower comes. Santana is certain she weighs about a thousand pounds, as she struggles to get into her dress, finally conceding to her need to ask Brittany to help her because she's too nauseated to do it herself. As Brittany zips up the back for her, she kisses her shoulders, the back of her neck, the dimple in the center of her shoulder blades. At the sensation, Santana groans a little. She's strictly prohibited from any kind of sex, but as each day passes, her body craves it more and more.
"Are you alright?"
"Babe, I swear, last night I had an hour long dream about you going down on me. I'm so horny I feel like I could explode. You giving me all those sexy kisses might kill me."
"I'm sorry, sweetheart." Brittany squeezes her shoulders and backs away. "What can I do?"
"I wish me." Santana rolls her eyes at herself. "Nothing, I'm fine, just whiny today. You know I didn't really want this whole shower thing, but I didn't want to say no to our moms."
"I think they really appreciate that. And at least you'll get to get to get out of the house today, right?"
"Yeah…I know. I'm not being ungrateful, I swear. I'm just torn between being ready for this pregnancy to end, and wanting to keep these kids inside of me as long as possible. I guess I'm just uncomfortable."
"What if I promise you a completely non-sexy and relaxing massage tonight? Maybe I can work some of the kinks out for you."
"Britt." Santana snorts at the unintentional double entendre she uses.
"You know what I mean." Brittany taps her ass and kisses the side of her head. "You look beautiful."
"A very beautiful humpback whale." She rolls her eyes. "Also, you look gorgeous, Mama, and I know you're excited for this, so I'll stop being a downer."
"Hey, be however you want to be, I'm not offended by it. But I think when you see Liam, it might change your mind. I'll go get him."
"I can go in and see him. I think I'm good to walk down the hall, since I'm sure my mom will stick me in a chair all day in the center of the room."
"I'll make sure she doesn't." Brittany smiles softly. "I'm a medical doctor, and not her baby, I have a little pull, I think."
"Let me know how that goes." Santana shakes her head with a smile. "She's impossible."
Brittany puts her hand on Santana's lower back as she waddles down the hall into Liam's room. He's sitting on the floor in his little khaki pants, suspenders, and a button down shirt with a bow tie. His hair is slicked to the side, and he grins so wide at Santana that she feels like she could cry—as if she does much of anything else lately. He scrambles quickly to his feet, and attempts—unsuccessful—to wrap his arms fully around Santana's midsection, and she starts to laugh as he kisses her protruding belly button.
"I wish my belly button did that." He tells her, like he's told her every day since it started protruding. "I'm gonna get babies in my belly too."
"I think two babies is enough for now." Brittany smooths his hair further. "Are you ready for the baby party?"
"Yes, yes, yes! But why are the babies missin' the party?"
"Because the party is to help us get ready for them, Sir." Santana tells him, though she knows Brittany probably has already a dozen times. "And it'll be a fun party for me and you and Mama, right?"
"And everyboney else!"
"And everybody else." Brittany nods, a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth.
"Mama, can I show—?"
"Later." Brittany stage whispers to Liam, who tugs at the buttons on his shirt. "Promise."
Though they'd walk to the restaurant where their mothers are throwing their shower on an ordinary day, with Santana still on bedrest, they take a cab. Liam sits between them in the backseat, and Santana tugs at the top of her dress, overall just a little uncomfortable with her body. Her breasts ache, her back aches, and she feels like a whale, so it's hard to enjoy the idea of parading herself in front of everyone she knows, and as always, it's hard to imagine them all wanting to touch her belly and invade her personal space.
She's glad that they're the first ones there, just Brittany's parents and her mom there to set up. She finds a seat in the corner, and she leans back and closes her eyes, rubbing her belly and feeling the babies move, until she acclimates herself to the environment. Maybe she's completely insane, maybe she's always been completely insane, but at least being pregnant with twins and on modified bedrest gives her license to do whatever the hell she wants.
Brittany, because she's Brittany, brings Santana a glass of cranberry juice, and Santana sighs happily, kissing Brittany's lips and squeezing her hands. She gets lost in her for just a moment, grateful for the quiet with her wife, even though she knows the party will be big and hectic, and she could stay like that for the whole day. Of course, it doesn't last. The sound of Kurt's voice jars her from her reverie, and Liam skips over, alerting them of his and Dave's arrival.
"Mommy Noodle, Mama, you're doin' too much kissin'! Kurt and Davey and 'Cedes and Sam getted here." He announces, then lowers his voice to a loud whisper. "And they got big presents."
"Oh they do, do they?" Brittany kisses Santana's lips one last time, then offers her a hand up in case she wants to stand. "I guess we should say hello, huh?"
"That's what the rules is, Mama!" Liam giggles. "I did, now I'm gonna help Grampa!"
Seeing her father-in-law setting up the camera, Santana ruffles Liam's hair and sends him over. She leans into Brittany's side, feeling a little agitated and uncomfortable, but softening enough under her touch. They go into the entryway, and Maribel is regaling Santana's friends with her own pregnancy stories. She sighs into Brittany's side, happy she and her mother finally have this relationship, and she lets Mercedes uncharacteristically hug her, and talk about her nephews, since she's convinced Santana is pregnant with boys.
"Stop calling them nephews, I told you I don't have a feeling either way." Santana rolls her eyes. "And since when did you become the baby expert?"
"I don't need to be an expert to have a gut feeling. It feels like it's boys."
"Well Brittany thinks they're girls so…I trust her gut feeling more than yours."
"You should have just found out." Kurt chimes in. "Is it too late for that?"
"No way, man, they can find out any time." Sam tells him, puffing out his chest like some kind of baby expert. "My Ma found out with my sister right before she was born, because Dad couldn't wait anymore."
"Thanks, you guys, for your interest—" Brittany cuts in, and Santana is grateful, because she's done with this conversation. "But we only have a few weeks to go. We'll know soon enough. Honey, Shelby and Holly are here, should we go say hi?"
"Oh, yeah…yeah, let's."
The shower is beautiful, even Santana can admit that, though she'd been so stressed about it. Brittany makes sure she doesn't get too overwhelmed by the sheer number of people—it seems like their mothers invited everyone at the hospital, from Sylvester down to Heyward—and Santana makes sure it's known that this is just as much Brittany's shower as her own. That's important to her, the most important thing, she thinks, making sure that Brittany feels good. She knows she loves these kind of things, the special things, and never in a million years would she want anyone to make it less special for her.
When the party begins to wind down, Santana has sunken down onto a sofa in the foyer to say her goodbyes, and she's ready to go to sleep. She's saying goodbye to Heyward, and thanking her for coming—despite their issue earlier in the year with the kids, she still is the best intern—when she hears the sound of shrieking and sobbing. When she realizes the sound is coming from her son, she jumps up so quickly she gets lightheaded, and Heyward helps steady her on her feet before they rush into the other room, finding Liam splayed out on the floor, and Brittany crouched over his shaking form.
"Britt." Santana gasps, grasping at her belly. "What's the matter?"
"Just a fall." Brittany looks at Santana. "He's okay…I think."
"Let me take a look." Someone offers, and Santana is pretty sure it's Shelby, but she's too distracted by a wave of nausea.
"Sit, Santana." Tina brings a chair over, and she follows orders, sinking down and doubling over as she listens to her son wail, with little she can do to stop it.
"It's not broken. You can lift him, Brittany." Shelby announces, and Brittany cradles Liam in her arms, giving Santana a glimpse of his bad arm, curled into his body. "Do you want me to call an ambulance and bring him to Pres?"
"I…no. I can drive him, it's okay. If it's not broken…you…helped with the surgery so…"
"I'll come in the car with you, we'll get some x-rays done just to make sure."
"Okay. Okay. Where's Santana?"
"I'm right here." Santana realizes how winded she feels, so winded that it's hard to speak. Another wave of nausea seizes her, and she bows her head down.
"You might want that ambulance after all." Santana hears Holly whisper, though she may be speaking at a normal volume.
"Oh my God." Brittany moves quickly to Santana's side, screaming Liam in her arms. "Sweetheart, are you okay?"
"I…I think I just feel sick from being afraid when I heard him screaming. Ugh…fuck, ow. It'll pass."
"Heyward, call for an ambulance. Mom? Take Liam." Brittany passes Liam to her mother and sinks down before Santana. "Santana, I don't want to scare you, okay? We're going to go to the hospital and get you checked out. It might just be your anxiety, but I want to make sure you and the babies are safe."
"Oh…" Santana looks off in a daze. "Yeah…okay. We can do that."
It's all a blur for Santana when the ambulance comes. Liam is still screaming as he's strapped down, and she lays on another gurney beside him, urging Brittany to calm him, promising her that she's fine, though she still feels like she'll either vomit or float away. She's not in a lot of pain, and that's what surprises her. Besides the occasional ache in her belly, she's okay, and she doesn't think she's having contractions. She just feels…weird, and she closes her eyes, thinking maybe rest will be the best thing for her.
Half the shower is at the hospital when she gets there, and she begs Brittany to go with Liam for the x-rays, while her mother and Mercedes stay with her as she's wheeled down to obstetrics, and Roz comes to meet her. She knows she's was supposed to be relaxing, she knows her blood pressure is an issue, and suddenly, a wave of heavy guilt washes over her for all the complaining she's done.
"I'm going to examine you now, Santana. Your blood pressure is really high, and either way, I'm admitting you until it stabilizes."
Santana just nods, giving Roz permission to do whatever it is she needs to do. Mercedes squeezes her hand, like the good friend she is, and Santana swallows hard, wishing her wife was with her, hoping her son is okay, hoping that their babies are okay in there.
"You're in very early labor." Roz tells her after the sonogram and exam, and Santana grasps at the edges of the bed to sit up. "I'd like to see you go at least another week before you deliver, so I'm going to start you on some Terbutaline to stop the labor, and keep you here until you give birth."
"Okay." Santana mumbles, then starts to cry, big, heavy sobs that hurt her chest and make her belly rock. "Okay."
"I'll go get Brittany." Maribel tells Santana.
"But Liam."
"I'll go get Brittany." She repeats. "Whitney is there, Pierce is there, I'll be there."
Santana throws up while she waits for Brittany to come in, and for the nurse to start her IV drop. Whether it's from anxiety or labor, she's not sure, but she knows she's glad she has Mercedes nearby, she knows her best friend is a good man in a storm, and this certainly feels like the biggest storm she's ever weathered.
She sobs into Brittany's chest when she comes into the room, frantically telling her what's going on, while asking about Liam all at once. Liam is fine. The intense bout of crying was probably precipitated by the fall on his delicate nerves in his arm, and nothing is broken, nothing is sprained. He's resting with his grandparents, but Santana still cries harder, the idea that he could have been hurt just really…impacting her, as she worries about her other two babies. She knows, rationally, that they'd be okay if she delivered them today, she does, truly, but still, she feels so gripped by fear, it's hard to even function.
"I'm here, Santana." Brittany strokes her hair. "I'm here, and you're going to be okay."
"Fuck. I…I should have felt it coming. I should have gone full bedrest. I should have—"
"Sweetheart, you followed Roz's orders. It happens. We knew there was a risk of you going early with twins. But you're on the Terbutaline, you're going to rest here, Roz is going to do whatever it takes to make sure you and our babies are okay. You're okay. I promise you, you're okay."
"You don't sound like I'm okay." Santana shakes her head at Brittany's tears. "I'm so scared."
"I know. I know. I'm so scared too, I'm sorry I'm making you feel worse. It's all going to be okay. I swear to you, I'm a goddamn head in this hospital, and if anyone is going to be just fine, it's my wife."
"Okay, okay." Santana breathes just a little easier at Brittany's forceful insistence. "Okay."
Roz ends up ordering a sedative for Santana, on top of the Terbutaline, and she falls asleep for a little while, settled in her private room. When she wakes up again, she feels a warm little body at her side. She opens her eyes, and there's her sleeping son, curled into her, little hand grasping the dress she still wears, and a hospital bracelet on his wrist. His suspenders are off, and his button down shirt is open, revealing a Super Big Brothershirt, presumably the surprise he wanted to show Santana in the morning.
"Hi." Brittany murmurs. "He wanted to see you, I hope it's okay I brought him up here."
"Yeah…uh huh, of course. I want to see him too. How's his arm?"
"He's okay, they gave him some Tylenol, and discharged him. Your mom is going to take him home with her tonight. I'm going to stay."
"Britt…you don't have to stay. Hospital beds suck, and you have work in the—"
"I took leave. I can't work while you're in here and we're waiting. I don't want to be in surgery when you go into labor."
"Brittany…"
"Santana. This is what I want to do, okay? Just please don't make me feel like I shouldn't do it, and you're fine alone. I want to be here, that's all."
"Okay." Santana nods, conceding to Brittany's wishes. "Thank you."
"How are you feeling?" Brittany sets down the journal she's reading. "A little calmer?"
"I think so. I just…want some normal clothes, I don't know. This dress still feels too small, and I don't want to sit here in a hospital gown."
"I didn't want to leave you while you were sleeping, but I was going to go home at some point and pack you some things. Is there anything specifically you want?"
"Just like…the three things that still fit me. My iPad, I guess, and my notebook? I guess?" Santana takes a breath. "I don't know, I just…don't."
"Honey…"
"I'm sorry. I'm just…whatever." Santana shakes her head. "Way to have the most dramatic baby shower exit ever. I feel like an idiot, on top of the fact that I'm in a total panic about the twins being okay. I just…I'm over this feeling."
"What feeling?"
"Fucking helplessness. I'm a doctor, I save lives, and not being able to control what happens to myself and my kids is the worst feeling in the world." Tears choke Santana's throat again and she sputters, grasping at her belly. "I did every goddamn thing Roz told me to do."
"I know." Brittany wraps her arms around her again. "But you know as well as I do that sometimes it doesn't matter."
"That's not really comforting." Santana snaps a little, then feels bad. "I'm sorry."
"So am I. I just don't know what there is for me to say to you." Brittany murmurs. "I'm sorry. If there was something I could do, you know I would do it for you in a second."
"I do know. I always know that you'd do anything for me." She sniffles. "And I still don't know why you're like this."
"Because I love you, and I love our babies, and I feel helpless too."
"Tonight, once you come back from home, and Liam is with my mom, will you lay with me?"
"Of course I will. Do you want me to stroke your hair until then? Maybe help you fall back to sleep?"
"Please, that would be really, really good."