The day before Brittany's forty-first birthday, Santana has her six week postpartum visit with Roz. Like with nearly everything in her life of late, she's a nervous wreck about it. What if she isn't healed properly? What if a surgical tool has been stitched up inside her body? What if she has some gangrenous infection that is silently eating her from the inside out? What if, worst of all, Roz won't clear her to go back to work?

Truth be told, Santana is glad that Brittany's maternity leave hasn't ended yet either, because as much as she knows that she could go alone to this appointment, there's a certain comfort in having her wife there with her. So she asks her mom to watch the kids. They've been doing so more and more lately, adjusting to when she'll be watching them regularly when they go back to work, and Santana knows that it's good for all of them. Her mom loves the kids, it gives her something to do, an opportunity to just simply love her grandchildren, without the authoritarian eye of her former husband constantly watching over her. And the kids love her mom. Liam can't get enough of her attention, and even the twins calm in her presence.

Santana is quiet on the way to the hospital. She feels like she's quiet more than not lately, but she's trying. Her mind is a constant swirl of worst case scenarios, but rather than burden Brittany with them, she takes the advice of her psychiatrist, and on top of religiously taking her medication, she learns to breathe again, and she closes her eyes frequently, counting each and every thing she's grateful for. It's working, she thinks, in some small way, and for that reason, she's going to continue to do it in hopes that someday, somehow, it'll make her better.

Though she's still perturbed by Shelby, after Brittany goes to her office to gather some papers—having worked extensively from home, at least on some administrative tasks and research—Santana finally goes back to her own. When she unlocks the door, she breathes some strange sort of relief, enjoying the smell of the place she's been so proud to call her own, since the day she became an attending surgeon. While she doesn't really have anything to do in there, she collects some of the research she was working on before she'd gone out, and figures if nothing else, maybe she can at least look over it before she jumps right back into the frying pan of her job.

When the time ticks closer to Santana's appointment, they make their way up to Roz's office. Being in there makes her feel a strange sort of antsy, and Brittany lays her hand open, letting Santana take it when she's ready. She doesn't hesitate to do so, holding it in her lap, and looking around at the empty room. That's one thing she's always grateful for, how Roz lets them come at off hours, how she doesn't have to check her facial expressions and reactions because other people are around her.

"You okay?" Brittany kisses the side of Santana's head, and murmurs against her skin.

"Yeah. Just…weird to be back here I guess. I feel like…the last however many times I was in this office, I kept getting shitty news."

"You're healing really well, Santana. We both know how well your incision has healed, and you've stopped bleeding."

"I know. I do. I'm just stupidly paranoid about this whole thing with Shelby."

"Honey, I love you so much, and your feelings are completely valid, but before you go back to work, you're going to have to let the issues you have with her go. I know you felt attacked, but I also know that you know her, and you know how much she cares about you."

"I get that, I guess. It's just like…I don't know, sometimes with the way I've been feeling, I think I should have given birth somewhere else. But then…I feel like shit thinking about it, because Roz and Holly and Shelby probably saved Oliver's life."

"I get that feeling. You want to go back to being a doctor here, you don't want to be a patient."

"Yeah." She nods, sighing. "Kind of sucks when your boss has to get called into the operating room while you're cut open on the table."

"Have you spoken to Holly?" Brittany diverts the topic gently, and Santana exhales sharply.

"I keep meaning to. It's just…something always comes up when I mean to call her…"

"Maybe you should try. It might make you feel better to hear some of her…Hollyisms."

"She is good at those." Santana laughs. "And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping more than ever that she calls me in on another one of her cases."

"Because of Oliver?"

"Yeah…I guess I just want to pay it forward, or something dumb like that. I don't know…"

"You still love neonatology." Brittany notes softly, and Santana nods.

"It's not something I can pursue right now though. Maybe in…five years or something, when all the boys are in school."

"I know I told you this when you were pregnant, but if it's something you want to do before that point, we can make it work."

"Right now, I know I'm not in the right frame of mind to make any decisions like that." Santana shakes her head. "But thank you."

"Dr. Lopez, Dr. Pierce." Roz steps out from the back, and Santana stands up, inhaling deeply.
"Come on back."

Santana doesn't bother with the pleasantries when she gets back there. While Roz is dealing with her chart, she changes into her robe, and she climbs up on the exam table. As Roz does the exam, she closes her eyes. She's so freaked out by the idea that something could possibly be wrong, and she can hardly breathe, and she focuses all her energy on Brittany's hand. She focuses it all on her breathing. Anxiety crashes over her in waves, but she needs to keep breathing, she needs to get through this, she needs to not have a complete breakdown while Roz Washington's hand is inside of her vagina.

"So." Roz takes her gloves off and washes her hands, and Santana scoots back on the examination table. "How have you been feeling, Santana?"

"Well, I've stopped bleeding, and I'm not sore anymore. I nursed through mastitis two weeks ago, but everything seems to be back to normal there."

"And other than that, breastfeeding is going well?"

"Yeah." Santana nods slowly. "They're on…not a great schedule with each other, so I'm up most of the night, but…the actual feeding is fine. They seem to be content, so I guess I'm making enough milk."

"Glad to hear that. A lot of people have more trouble with twins."

"I just…refused to allow myself to give it up. I'm gong to pump when I go back to work. The hospital mandates that I have time, and I'll work it out with my surgeries."

"You're ready to go back to work?"

"Why does everyone say that like I'm insane?"

"Hey, I was asking a medical question, I wasn't making a judgment. If you're ready to go back to work, you're ready to go back to work. I know I wouldn't be able to stay away, so why would I judge you?"

"Sorry…I'm just…sorry."

"Do you feel more irritable than usual? Again, medical question, not a judgement."

"I…yeah, I mean, I'm not really sleeping, and it's been hard after everything with Oliver." Santana finds herself answering honestly. "I'm getting back on track. I've seen my psychiatrist, and I've adjusted my meds. I'm doing what I have to do."

"That's what I need to hear. Are you overwhelmed?"

"I'm just…a lot of things, honestly."

"I have your medical history, so I'm aware that you suffer from an anxiety disorder. Everything that's said in this room in between us. I know that most of the time, doctors in this hospital are afraid to share things about their emotional state with me, but you don't have to worry that it'll go beyond this room."

"I know the rules." Santana mutters, and Brittany squeezes her hand. "But really, the medication change is helping. Once I start sleeping again, I'll be fine. I have my sons, I have my wife, I have a lot to be okay about."

"Alright." Roz closes the file, and Santana drops her head back, sighing.

"Am I done?"

"You're done. Look, you don't really have a medical reason to see me after this, but just know that I'm here if you need to talk about anything postpartum related. I'll write your medical clearance for work, and you can safely resume normal activities, including sexual activity when you feel ready for that. You know your body better than I do though, so don't push yourself."

"Yeah…I won't. Listen, thanks, Roz…for everything. You helped save my babies, and I'll always be grateful for that."

Santana drives home from the appointment. She feels like she has to, and Brittany doesn't argue. She simply sits in the passenger seat, and she makes her hand available for when Santana wants to take it. It's a small comfort, but it means more than Santana can express, and when she pulls up in front of the house, she still has a tight grip on the hand that constantly grounds her, no matter how hard things are.

"I love you, Britt." She murmurs, kissing the back of her hand.

"I love you too, Santana. So much more than you know."

Max is crying when they walk into the house—Santana has become so in tune with which of the babies it is—and she quickly goes to her mother, scooping him into his arms. When he doesn't quiet, she quickly gives him to Brittany, who never fails in settling their children. It amazes Santana every time, and she sits back, letting Liam crawl into her lap and hugging him close, while Brittany walks around with the baby, singing softly to him. Oliver sleeps in his seat in front of her, and it pangs Santana sometimes just how much he sleeps, like he's still resting from his trauma at birth.

Their night at home is quiet, after Maribel leaves, and it snows again. Santana is a little jumpy, thinking about her return to work, thinking about how everything went well with Roz, thinking about how she just wants to feel normal again, so she's not perpetually jumpy. But she's focusing on the weekend, she's focusing on Brittany's birthday, she's focusing on the fact that she just wants it to be something low key and at home—probably so Santana doesn't get stressed out about things—and she's focusing on the biggest thing, the one she almost forgot, their first wedding anniversary.

At bed time, neither of them bring up sex. If Santana is telling the truth, she's not quite sure if she's ready, and because Brittany knows her so well, she simply takes Santana into her arms, presses her chin to her shoulder, and lets her fall asleep just like that, safe and protected. It's what Santana needs, as much as she wants to want sex, and she doesn't feel quite the level of guilt that she had expected to, being unable to bring herself to do something she's been waiting months for.

When Santana wakes up in the morning, after three night feedings, Liam is on Brittany's side of the bed scream-singing Happy Birthday. As much as Santana would like to groan at having the first restful sleep she's had all night interrupted, Liam looks so cute that she can't even be frustrated with him. For her part, Brittany rolls over and kisses him right between the eyes, grin spreading across her face as she shuffles to sit up and lift him into bed with them. The twins are still sleeping, and there's something about just the two of them and Liam that makes Santana inordinately happy.

"Mama! Today we's gonna have hot dogs, and play in the park, and make a fire, and eat cake, and open presents, and eat more hot dogs…"

"This sounds more like your birthday plans than mine." Brittany laughs. "Maybe only hot dogs one time, instead of two."

"Why only one?" Liam wrinkles his nose, and Brittany kisses him again. "Hi Mommy Noodle."

"Good morning, Sir." Santana smiles, propping her head up on her hand and meeting Brittany's lips for a kiss. "Good morning, babe. Happy birthday."

"Thank you, honey. As much as I loved our trip last year, I think now, having you as my wife, and having all three of our kids, I think this is going to be the best one ever."

"So I didn't have to try to top Mexico? Because I wracked my brain for a week, and just couldn't come up with anything."

"Mexico was amazing for forty. But for forty-one, I think I like the idea of hot dogs, a fire, and the park."

"And cake, Mama! And cake, okey?"

"Cake! How could I forget cake?" Brittany shakes her head, eyes glistening. "We'll definitely have to have cake."

"For breakfast?"

"I don't know about for breakfast, Li. But maybe Mommy will let me take you all out to the diner, and we can have waffles and ice cream."

"Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream!"

"It's your birthday, Britt, aren't I supposed to be taking you?"

"Nope, my birthday, my rules, and I want to take you. If you're up for it."

"Yeah…I'm totally up for it."

It takes a long time getting everyone ready to leave, once Max and Oliver are up and fed, and it makes Santana even more grateful that when she goes back to work on Monday, her mom will come to the house. The idea of getting everyone dressed and ready for a seven-am shift makes her a little dizzy, so knowing she doesn't have to is calming. Rather than deal with the car, Brittany gets out the double stroller, and with the twins bundled up inside, they walk down to the diner, Liam skipping along at Santana's side.

"Watch the ice, Li." Brittany warns, and he quickly cuddles into Santana, remembering, as they all do, how scary it was when he fell at the baby shower. "Thanks, baby boy."

They get to the diner, and Santana sets Liam up in a booster seat, while Brittany settles the twins' stroller at the end of the table. They're sound asleep, and Santana cuddles in beside Brittany, holding her hand on the bench between them. It feels so normal to have her family out like this, and she breathes a heavy sigh of relief. While her head is still in chaos, she craves every bit of normalcy she can find, and watching Liam blow bubbles in his milk cup, watching Brittany gently scold him, gives her that.

After breakfast, they walk around for awhile, Liam hanging on the stroller, getting tired and cranky. When they get home, he's half asleep, and Brittany carries him up for a nap, and Santana nurses the twins, before bringing them up to the bedroom and laying them side by side in the bassinet. With all three boys asleep, the house is quiet, and Brittany comes back downstairs, settling herself beside Santana on the couch.

"Hey." Santana murmurs, resting her head on Brittany's shoulder.

"Hi." Brittany strokes the back of her hand. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just…sorry I didn't do anything bigger for your birthday is all."

"This is all I wanted, Santana. I don't like that you keep worrying about it."

"You've just done so much to keep me sane these past few months, and I feel like…I don't know, like you deserve so much better than what I can offer you sometimes."

"You offer me so much. Every time I look at you, I'm so grateful that I married you."

"I haven't showered in like…three days. I'm not exactly looking like a catch right now."

"And yet, you're still the greatest catch. I think about it all the time, how lucky I am that you chose me. I had my heart broken my someone who couldn't accept that I was going to raise my nephew, and then you came along, and my having a son didn't bother you in the slightest."

"You having a son kind of won me over." Santana admits softly. "From the first time you left him in my office."

"You were really cute that night, playing with trains."

"He stole my heart before you did. I never could have imagined then that I'd have two more kids with you so fast, but as much as I'm overwhelmed by it all, I'm really glad I did."

"I know it hasn't been easy, but I also trust that you know yourself, and I think going back to work is going to be really good for you."

"Remember the first time you ever cut into someone? That rush, like you're going to save the world?"

"I do." Brittany nods, stroking Santana's hair.

"I need that rush. How terrible is it that I'm counting on an emergency surgery on Monday, since most of my day will just be meeting with patients?"

"I get it. You know my guilty pleasure is Grey's Anatomy, no matter how factually inaccurate it is, but I getwhen Derek Shepherd says 'it's a beautiful day to save lives.' It's a good feeling to walk into a room like a god."

"I'm getting back to my old self, Britt, but I think I'll just be so much better when I have that part of my identity back. Before I was a wife and a mother, I was a damn good doctor." Santana says, knowing she's said this a thousand times before. "It's been three months since I could be one. I don't know…"

"I know you had a rough pregnancy and gave up a lot. Whatever I can do to make the transition back easier for you, I'm here."

"I know you are, and it means everything to me." Santana nods, taking a breath before she continues to speak. "Brittany?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry that I'm…not ready."

"Not ready?" Brittany's eyebrows furrow, and Santana sighs.

"Not ready for sex. I miss that part of my relationship with you so much, I do. I just foresee myself crying and freaking out during it right now, and I don't want it to be like that. I thought maybe for our anniversary, I'd light a bunch of candles, and be waiting for you in the bedroom in lingerie with champagne, but the idea of myself on lingerie kind of makes me want to vomit, and I just…"

"Santana." Brittany cups both sides of Santana's face with her hands, looking into her eyes. "The idea of you in lingerie is incredibly sexy, no matter what you think of my body. I love every inch of you. I love your stretch marks, and your belly fat, and your leaking nipples. I love your beautiful face, and more than anything, I love your amazing heart and your brilliant mind. You're the sexiest woman I've ever met, and I look forward to the day I get to worship your body again. But everything about you will be even sexier to me when you are ready for it."

"Why do you always know the right thing to say?"

"I don't. Sometimes I'm just not sure what will make you feel better or worse, so I just try to speak to you honestly. I love our sexual relationship, and I know you've struggled with how to cope since Roz gave the order to stop, but her saying you're physically healthy doesn't mean anything."

"I wish I wasn't such an emotional wreck."

"I know." Brittany kisses her lips softly. "But you're making progress. And until then, I get to enjoy the best kind of intimacy with you. Holding your hands, kissing you like this, laying with you at night, watching you nurse Max and Oliver, and fuss over Liam, talking to you about my day…those thins mean the most to me."

"I really love you. I haven't said it enough in the past…I don't know how many months. But I do. More than I even know how to express. Today, I'm especially glad you were born, and tomorrow, I'm especially glad that you married me."

"Well." Brittany laughs, and Santana watches her eyes twinkle. "I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty glad for both of those things too."