The morning of Santana and Brittany's first day back to work is pure chaos in the house. Liam doesn't want them to go, and screams at the top of his lungs while they're trying to get ready, collapsing in fits on the bedroom floor. Max and Oliver, feeding off their big brother's frenetic energy, don't stop crying, and Santana ends up holding Max to her boob while she does her hair, and Brittany rocks Oliver while simultaneously pulling on pantyhose and trying to do her mascara.

Santana feels bad to leave her mother with such a handful, and her mommy-guilt sneaks up on her as she's trying to hug and kiss her crying sons goodbye. If it weren't for Brittany, gently urging her out the door, she may have caved, and put her tail between her legs to ask Shelby for one more day. But she doesn't. They manage to make it out of the house, and Brittany drives them to the hospital, keeping one hand on Santana's knee as she navigates morning traffic.

Inside the hospital, Santana kisses her wife goodbye, and she goes up to her office. Getting in there for her is like coming home, and she spreads out her files on the desk, preparing for the patient conferences she has scheduled for the morning. She has no surgeries on the board, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't hoping for something to come from the pit. She needs to get back in the operating room, she needs to cut,and as she turns on her computer, she checks her pager, just in case.

"Hey." Mercedes appears at her door around eleven, just after she finishes scheduling a tonsillectomy with two very nervous parents of a toddler. "Who's the best friend ever?"

"I mean, Kurt might fight you on this, but…since you're standing here, I'm going to say you?"

"Good answer. I need to put a vent in a twelve-year-old with myocarditis. Since I lost my intern for the day, I need a second. Are you in?"

"Oh my God, 'Cedes, seriously, I might be a little in love with you right now. I think even Britt would accept me declaring that. I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind waiting for something to happen today. You know I hate paperwork, and that's all today has been. When are we doing this?"

"Pretty much now. Heyward had some kind of emergency, and she had to leave, so I'm scrambling at the last minute. How fast can you change and scrub in?"

"Shut the door, and I'll change right now." Santana jumps up, way more excited than she should be to do heart surgery on a twelve-year-old.

"Meet me downstairs in ten. I need to put your name in, and see the parents one last time."

"I'll be there."

Santana doesn't waste any time going into her bathroom and pulling off her slacks and blouse and shimmying into scrubs. The loose material feels good on her body, and she ties her hair up, before grabbing her Wonder Woman scrub cap, and slamming her computer shut. She hates to admit it, but this is the most like herself she's felt in months. She loves being a mother, she loves her children, but she's better at what she does when she gets to be a doctor too.

The smell of the scrub room settles her, and she leans over the sink, washing up to her elbows. A nurse hands her a towel, and she drys off, before listening to the familiar snap of her gloves as she puts them on. Mercedes comes up behind her, and Santana realizes how long it's been since they've been in the operating room together. She's missed this, doing surgery with her best friend, and she smiles, hopefully not too weirdly, when she looks at her.

"You don't know how much I needed this today."

"Oh, I do. I have been worried about you since you went on bedrest. We went through med school and our residency together, I know the OR is your happy place."

"Is that sick? I mean, there has to be something psychologically disturbed for me to be happy while slicing open someone's body, right?"

"Nah, I think that just makes you a surgeon, and a damn good one. You know how teachers suck when they hate their jobs? I think surgeons who don't feel a rush when they get in here suck even more. Come on, let's get you your high."

Blood rushes to Santana's head as she sees the patient on the table, and though she's just assisting, she sees the face of all three of her sons in the young adolescent who lays on the table. While surgery will make her a better mother, perhaps having the experience of almost losing a child will make her a better surgeon too. This child could easily be Liam, having some kind of experimental procedure done for the damage done to his body by the fire. He could easily be Max, with some ailment not yet known to them. He could easily be Oliver, needing something done to her brain. The feeling hits Santana hard and fast. This boy isn't just a means to give her a much needed rush. He's somebody's child. He's a person, whose life will be so much better for the work she does.

It's an easy surgery, and Mercedes can nearly do it in her sleep, but Santana is still more fastidious than she's ever been before. She does the incision, and she's cautious with it. She watches Mercedes put in the vent, and she eyes it carefully. She stitches him back up with a mother's tenderness, and she thinks, perhaps, she doesn't breathe until the machines tell her that he's breathing normally. When he's brought to recovery, she feels good, but she also feels like she wants to see Brittany. She wants to bring her coffee and wrap her arms around her. She wants to tell her that coming back here was everything she needed to finish healing.

She goes up to Brittany's office, and she's sitting at her desk on the phone. She's still dressed in scrubs from whatever morning surgery she did, and Santana smiles at the sight. She loves seeing Brittany like that, so casual, and Brittany waves her in, holding up a finger to tell her that she'll just be another minute. Making herself comfortable, Santana thinks that maybe she should have brought Brittany coffee, or a scone, or…something. But it's too late for that now, so she just sits and waits, smiling when Brittany hangs up the phone, and leans over the desk to kiss her lips.

"You're in scrubs." Brittany notes, winding her hand in Santana's ponytail.

"I just put in a vent with Mercedes."

"She's a good friend."

"She really is. Britt, it felt so damn good to be back in the OR. Did you get, like, a total thrill this morning?"

"I always do." She smiles, sitting back down. "And it's been longer for you, so I'm sure it was overwhelming."

"I just feel good to be back. I'm a surgeon. It's tied to my identity or something. And I miss the boys like crazy, but being in that room under the lights…I'm not saying it was magic, because I've still got that anxiety thing in the pit of my stomach, and I've texted my mom probably twenty times today, but for an hour, I was breathing."

"I'm so glad for that, Santana. I think…if I wasn't a doctor, I wouldn't understand you on this level, and I'd think there was something I could have done so you didn't need to be in surgery. But because I am, I do."

"Do you have time for coffee? Or, if you don't, I could go get you some…"

"I should take a lunch. I have back to back surgeries this afternoon, and if I don't sit and eat, I'll regret it. Do you have time for that?"

"Yeah…I need to pump pretty soon, but I think I can sit and eat with you before I need to. It's weird, I'm so used to feeding on demand, but Jeeze, these things are heavy."

"My office is more private than yours, honey. If you want to come back here after and sit in the nook, you know you can."

"Britt." A half-smile forms on Santana's face, her always melting from the thoughtful things that Brittany does, things anyone else wouldn't understand the depth of meaning to. "That really makes me feel better. I know free the nipple, and breast is best, and all of the stuff that people say, but I do feel like…I don't know, I don't want to look like the doctor who has to pump all day. You can probably hear that thing outside of my office. So yeah, if you don't mind…"

"Santana, you can use my office whenever you want. I'll make you a key, if it will make you feel more comfortable. Make yourself a little setup."

"You really did score with that nook, you know, your office is even bigger than Sue's, and definitely…less terrifying."

"I'm an ace negotiator. I had Liam in here with me so many nights when I first started working here, and could never get out the door before I got caught up in paperwork. I wanted a place that would be comfortable, and I bargained a little for this one."

"Boy am I glad you did."

They go to lunch, and Santana is more talkative than she's been in months. She knows her body, and she knew that this would settle her, despite what everyone else worried about. It's been so difficult between her and Brittany, with the terrible postpartum blues creeping in, but today, it feels easy, today, they're laughing and joking. Today she feels like it won't be as long as she'd initially thought before she could resume sexual intimacy with her wife. It won't be tonight, or even tomorrow, but it will come. Her medication is helping, her healthy children are helping, and work…work is really helping her get to the point where she feels human again.

After lunch, Santana gets the breast pump and her mother's milk tea from her office, and while Brittany goes down to the OR, she sets herself up. The chaise that Liam used to sleep on is a much more comfortable place than the desk chair she'd pumped in a few hours earlier, and she leans back, sipping her tea and letting the pump do the work for her. She notices the same odd sense of letdown as the milk is expressed from her body as she did in the morning, but she lets it go. She knows that being apart from the twins is bound to be hard, she knows her body is designed to want them near, especially when there's milk coming out of it, but in a few hours she'll nurse them. In a few hours, she'll be more grateful than she has since the first moment she held each of them to have them in her arms.

Brittany loses a patient in the afternoon. When Santana comes back to her office after she finishes her day with patient consults, Brittany is sitting at her desk, staring off in to space. Though Brittany had texted her to tell her what happened, Santana is never prepared to see her wife so emotionally drained, and she goes to her quickly, wrapping her arms fully around Brittany's upper body, and letting her bury her face in her shoulder. They both know it never gets easier, and it's one of the reasons it makes being married to a doctor so beneficial. Santana gets it, and she just takes Brittany's hand to help her up, after their hug is through, and she packs up her briefcase for her, letting her remain in her daze.

When they get home, Santana knows the kids are a good balm for Brittany's pain, and she scoops Liam up in her arms, kissing all over his puckered face, while Santana goes for Oliver. Max sleeps through it, and while Santana lets Ollie nurse, she smiles down at her sleeping boy, feeling such a strange mix of emotions to be home after that day. Brittany is quiet, but she takes her turn with Oliver, and then, while Santana orders pizza, she lifts a sleeping Max, and cradles him to her, feeling his sweet baby warmth.

When the kids are all settled in bed for the night, Santana goes to the kitchen and opens a bottle of red wine. She knows that before she was married, losing a patient meant cracking open a bottle of tequila, but she thinks red wine is the adult equivalent of that for Brittany. Pouring two glasses, she goes into the living room, where Brittany sits on the couch with her glasses on, pouring over a file from her briefcase. Santana sits down next to her, and gently puts her hand on her thigh, not telling her to put her work away, but just letting her know that she's there, if she's ready to talk.

"Hey." Brittany murmurs, putting the file back in its folder, and setting it down on the end table before she picks up the wine glass and takes a long sip.

"Hi, baby. Are you okay?"

"I'm…you know. I went into the surgery not thinking he'd survive, but, it still feels awful."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Santana takes a sip of her own wine, and then sets it back on the table.

"It was a chest reconstruction. A thirty-four year old father who was in a bad collision this morning on his way to work. His entire torso was crushed, and I just…walked in there ready to do whatever it took, but it wasn't enough."

"Oh, Britt."

"When you know it's a parent, it's tough. It reminds me of my own mortality. Anything could happen, and we have these three kids to take care of."

"I hate to think like that…"

"So did my sister." Brittany mumbles, finishing her wine in a second sip. "I think…we don't have a joint will, we haven't ever talked about a guardian for our children if something happens to us."

"Okay." Santana takes a breath, feeling a little sick to her stomach even thinking of this. "Okay."

"It scares me too." Brittany takes her hand, a tear running down her cheek. "But it scares me more to think of it not being taken care of. I just…wonder what will happen to that man's family, I wonder if his finances were in order, and how his funeral will be paid for. I need to know that we have that all taken care of, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course. I have an insurance policy from before we were married, I think, that I need to change the beneficiary on, and…I don't have a will at all. I guess I had just figured my mother would get everything. But now…yeah. We should do that."

"I've always been so prepared, but this whole last year has been a whirlwind. I'm so sorry I'm springing all of this on you tonight. God, you've been so looking forward to going back to work…"

"Hey, Britt. You get to have things too. I'm constantly breaking down, so if you need to panic about our death contingency plans tonight, that's fine, I'm here with you."

"I need to know that our kids are taken care of and accounted for, no matter what."

"We will. We'll go see the lawyer, and we'll work it out. As much as this really freaks me out to talk about, you're right." Santana gently puts her hands on Brittany's cheeks, and she kisses her lips, letting them remained pressed there. "I'm so sorry you had a day like this."

"Me too." She shakes her head. "For as much as I love my job, days like this make me almost wish I didn't have the power to take lives in my hands."

"Think of all the ones you've saved though. You're…a prolific surgeon, more than I could ever imagine being. People come from all over the world to see you, and you just…make this huge difference in people's lives. These hands—" Santana kisses the inside of Brittany's palms, cherishing them. "Are amazing."

"Santana…"

"I mean that. For all the things I've experienced with plastic surgeons, and all the terrible things I've said, you've shown me the amazing work you do. I've watched you save lives. And I know our gift feels like a mixed blessing on nights like this, but just think of all the people you've saved, and whose lives you made better just because you're the best. They're glad you do what you do, and so am I."

"You feel more and more like you every day." Brittany murmurs, changing the subject.

"I'm trying. Today was good…but it was also a little hard. I felt kind of guilty, because they're still so little, and Oliver has issues, and we make enough money that I didn't have to go back to work today…you know, just dumb stuff like that."

"I know that I was a little…resistant to the idea of you going back to work so soon, but not because of them. I just wanted you to be okay before you were in that high stress environment. But I think you need it. You're so anxious, Santana, and somehow, anxiety calms you down."

"It's so counterintuitive, I know, but a frenzy around me is the only think that makes me stop replaying everything over and over again in my head. Today, when I was in the OR, I just kept making lists of everything that a heart could possibly be doing, and I wasn't thinking of all the ways I could potentially fuck up our kids."

"For what it's worth—" Brittany puts her hand over Santana's. "I don't think you could ever fuck up our kids. Just watching you nurse is one of my favorite things, the sense of calm the boys get in your arms makes me fall more and more in love with you."

"I'm glad I'm pulling it together for them. I have a psychiatrist appointment again next week, and I think I can tell her that I'm leveling out on this new dose."

"I think so too. Do you…" Brittany looks off for a moment, considering her words. "Do you want me to wait to make an appointment with the lawyer until after you go, or do you think it's better to do it before, in case that triggers something?"

"I think…before is good, if we can do that. I don't think it's going to trigger me, but I just…don't know sometimes. Talking about worst case scenarios isn't great for me."

"I'm sorry I brought it up tonight. I just…have to. I don't want everything to settle into the old contingencies in my will if something were to happen. I want the decisions we make about their future to be made together."

"I appreciate that a lot. I guess I have to start thinking more like a wife and mother, than just continuing to manage my future like I used to."

"It took me awhile too." Brittany gives Santana a small smile, and hugs her close. Santana can tell she needs to feel her at her side, so she contentedly settles in. "Are you tired?"

"It's like eight-thirty."

"Yeah…I know, but I also know one of the babies were up every forty minutes last night, before Liam came into our bed at two-am, plus we just worked all day. I don't think it's crazy, especially when we have to do it all over tomorrow."

"Ugh. Don't remind me about the wake-ups. I'm barely sleeping in between, because I'm afraid taking my sleeping pills and not getting the straight eight hours is going to make me go all Criminal Minds."

"You know if it's too much and you want to switch to formula…"

"I know, you said you'd do all the night feedings so I could take my pills and sleep. But I want to at least get to three months, then we can revisit it."

"Whatever you're comfortable with, honey. I just don't want you to be miserable because of it."

"I won't be. I do love nursing them, I just…have to figure out my sleep schedule. I can do that now that I need to be back on a regular one. I love doing this, Britt, I don't want you to think otherwise."

"I don't think otherwise. I see you with them, and I love watching it, but I just want to let you know I support whatever you choose to do with your body, no matter what."

"Thank you. You don't know how much that means to me."

"I always will, Santana, no matter what."