Chapter 2

Not more than five miles past the group, they came upon a gas station that had been abandoned long before the world fell apart. There were deep depressions where the tanks had been pulled and the holes refilled, and moss grew up the sides of the old concrete building, but there was a door and plywood had long since covered the windows. Daryl pulled the bike off the road and cut the engine.

"Here?" Carol sounded careful.

She sure as shit wasn't being careful ten minutes ago, but he wasn't thinking about that right now.

It was possible that, in the privacy of his own mind, Daryl was panicking more than a little. He'd talked big about not following some asshole, but he'd never done anything else and didn't really have any interest in being a leader, even of a group of two.

"You got a better idea?" He shook his head, then tried again. "Not like that sounded. I'm askin'."

She gaped at him for the briefest moment before visibly recalibrating her thoughts and sending a jerky nod in his direction. She spoke while she went back to scanning the surroundings. "It's dark. If we stay out here, we'll draw them with the engine and the light? If we can get in, it's good for the night? I think."

Daryl nodded, then handed her the knife from his belt sheath and pulled another one from his boot to keep for himself. "Watch out for me. You see one, tell me. One gets close, stick that in its eye. I'm gonna get through that door."

It took longer than he would have liked, and involved a lot more cursing than he'd anticipated, but in the end, he got the door open. He rode the bike all the way inside, then dug his flashlight out of a saddlebag and used it to have a look around. The floor was covered with debris, limbs, rotten leaves, and piles of beer cans and cigarette butts, probably left over from kids using it as a place to hide out and do all those things kids had to hide to do. Someone had gone as far as dragging a dilapidated old couch into the far corner, but there was no way of knowing what was likely living in there.

"Watch for snakes," he said. He handed Carol the light, then got the door closed behind him.

"Did you really have to say snakes?" She muttered. The flashlight beam was dancing around the floor like the snakes were gonna flank her while she wasn't lookin' or something.

"Yep. That light ain't gonna last long," he said as he started kicking debris toward the couch, trying to clean an area. "Best get a good long look around and make sure there ain't nothin' here we don't want to meet in the dark before we douse it."

He would say one thing for her, she didn't get squeamish on him. She didn't say a word about how dirty they were gonna get on what was left of the concrete floor. She didn't whine about the bugs, and only squeaked once when a rat in the corner startled her. She might have made a face when he killed it, but they had so little light he couldn't be sure. It was kinda nice, to just get a thing done without Lori's mouth running in the background. It didn't take them very long to have a corner reasonably free of debris and at least the larger creatures killed.

"No snakes," Carol said as she shifted and leaned back against the wall.

Daryl made a noise that was sort of agreement in the back of his throat. Then things got real quiet.

Usually, Daryl liked it quiet. He didn't like trying to make conversation when you didn't have any reason to talk. He never was good at it, and whatever he thought of to say was wrong somehow more often than not. But the longer he sat in the quiet, the more he couldn't keep himself from openin' his mouth.

"Was more," he finally said, when the questions wouldn't let his mind settle down to sleep. He knew it, and he wanted to hear it. Maybe so he could be more sure that he hadn't just got them both killed by leaving with her instead of trying to talk her into staying with the group. "More than what you said. Could see it simmering in that head of yours. What was it?"

It was so dark that while he knew she'd settled somewhere on his right, he couldn't see her. He heard her sigh, though.

"He had Sophia in his hands, and instead of picking her up and running toward help, he left her there. He said there were two walkers. He couldn't outrun two walkers? Even if he led them back, the whole group was there. We could have killed two walkers. But he didn't want them anywhere near Lori and Carl. He thinks I don't know that was why, but I'm not stupid. People think I am because – well, that doesn't matter. I understand why he did it. That was his family. But I don't think I'll ever forgive him for it."

He knew she couldn't forgive him, either. He was the asshole that couldn't track her girl down, the one that kept telling Carol everything would be okay when it wasn't. He knew there was probably something he should say, but he couldn't think of what that would be, so he pretended he didn't know he should say something.

"That it?"

"Can we talk about something else?"

Yeah, that wasn't everything. But together with what she said to Rick, it was enough. He'd get it out of her another time, though, if it kept nagging at him. Not tonight. He said, "Whatever you want. Should go to sleep. "

"You changed your mind. One minute you were all 'Rick's a man of honor', and then you were leaving with me."

Daryl was suddenly very glad she couldn't see him any better than he could see her. He went very still, like moving even just a little would give her the power to see everything inside his head. That wasn't something he wanted to explain. It was probably the last thing he wanted to explain. He wasn't gonna lie to her. And he wasn't going to act like he was some hero type that just didn't want her to be on her own. That could lead to expectations that he was real damn sure he couldn't meet. Naw, if he was able to go that route, her little girl wouldn't'a come out of that barn.

The truth was every word she said could have been about him instead of her. He remembered them, word for word and every inflection. They'd bit into him, made his chest hurt and his breathing come hard and fast. They made him have to close his eyes and shake memories away. He'd escaped livin' under his daddy just to go livin' under Merle. Back in that clearing, she spoke and it suddenly felt like he was just trading following Merle for following Rick, and Rick wasn't even his brother. And the softly spoken sentence echoed in his mind, over and over again. I'm never going live like that again. Rick didn't understand it. Nobody else in that group, as far as he could tell, had any idea how hard won those words could be. Hershel, maybe, if what he'd implied about his daddy had been true. But the lady sitting across from him had said them, and she'd meant them, and she hadn't backed off even when Rick got in her face about it. It was damn near hypnotic, the way she stood there with her chin jutting out, not believing for a second she would survive long on her own, but still absolute in her refusal to submit.

He couldn't say any of those things, but there was one part that he could maybe say. And he ought to answer her question, since she'd answered his. He knew he'd been dithering about it too long when she spoke again.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Ain't that. Lookin' for words is all," he said. "Way he leaned over you like that? He don't do that to Lori. Never did it with Shane, neither. Nor Andrea, or any of Hershel's folks. Wasn't reasoning with you, y'know? He was trying to loom over you, make you scared, work them buttons other people put there. Knew what he was doin', too. Weren't no accident like…" Like when he did it. When he ranted and said things to hurt her, to make her leave him alone. When he made her flinch, like she expected a smack. "Didn't mean to, when I did it. Real damn sorry about everything that happened that whole night."

"I understood."

"Too damn forgiving for your own good."

"I'm working on that."

A laugh caught him by surprise, escaping before he could catch it. "Work on it slow, 'cause I don't have the first damn clue what we're gonna do when the sun comes up. Forgivin' nature might come in real handy if you're expecting me to keep you safe."

He thought that was the end of the conversation, it was quiet for so long. And that was a good thing. Daryl didn't think he'd talked that much to another person ever in his whole life, and it was damn tiring is what it was.

"Daryl?"

Okay, not finished, then.

"What?"

"If something happens to me? It will be because of my own shortcomings, not yours," Carol whispered. They were the same words, but now they were soft and fond sounding. "We're in this together. I'm not much help now, but I can learn. And if something happens? That's not on you. You're a fine man, Daryl Dixon."

"Go to sleep." He said, gruffly. Woman needed to stop spouting shit like that.

Carol woke to find the door open. Daryl was standing just outside, smoking a cigarette.

She'd stiffened up during the night and standing was a battle. She let a groan when her back protested the harsh treatment, and Daryl spun on his heel. He dropped the cigarette and his knife came up before the empty nature of the room registered.

"Don't do that!"

Carol ducked her head. "Sorry. Not a morning person."

He was kicking the dirt around on the ground, muttering under his breath about not knowing where he threw the cigarette and it was nearly whole, when she stepped into the sun. It was warm, but nothing like the heat of summer. She usually loved this time of year. This year all she could think about was sleeping in abandoned gas stations in the cold of winter.

"You didn't sleep."

He shrugged. "Did, a little." He handed her a granola bar. "Got four more of those in the saddlebag, and that's it."

She grimaced, and slid the bar into her pocket. "I'm going to step around the side for a minute. Then we can talk about what to do next."

"Got your knife?"

It was technically his knife, but she still had it, so she showed it to him and nodded.

"Yell if you need me," Daryl said, making a point of looking in the other direction.

Carol tried to pretend she wasn't scared spitless the whole time she was out of his sight, but he seemed surprised at how quickly she returned so it was probably still obvious.

He ran a hand through his hair and said, "Bike's not too close to empty yet, but we need to find gas and find it now."

"Can it make it back to the highway?"

He frowned, then shrugged. "Probably. You're thinkin' cars there are a sure thing, and the bike can get through places the group couldn't go."

She nodded. "It's probably a stupid idea. It'll be crawling with walkers."

He shook his head, "Goin' there ain't staying there. Get gas. Scavenge a bit."

"Unless you think we'll come across something if we keep heading down this road?"

Daryl motioned her back toward the bike. "Sure thing's better than a maybe today. Let's get outta here."

If someone had asked Carol a year ago if she wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle, she would have laughed in their face. She would have been scared to death to so much as try. But today, with Daryl to handle the hard part, she had to work hard to keep herself from smiling. Smiling wasn't a clever idea on a bike, but she was behind him so she was pretty sure Daryl was still unaware of that particular mistake.

She should be terrified. They had no food, little gas, no place to stay for the night, and there were dead people everywhere trying to eat them. But despite all that, on the back of the bike with her hands on Daryl's waist and his body blocking most of the wind as they rolled onto the highway, Carol felt something that was so unfamiliar it took her a moment to identify it as joy.

As soon as she named it, it washed away on a wave of grief so sharp it took her breath. She had no right.

The last time she saw Sophia, she was lying on a stretch of highway with Lori's arms holding her down, watching as her little ran into the woods.

The bike shut off, and Daryl had turned to look at her. "Y'alright?"

"I'm fine."

"Really? Cause the way ya claws are diggin' into me says otherwise."

She let him go and moved to stand. "Sorry. I'll be fine. Just let my brain take a funny turn."

He shrugged at her as he got off the bike. "Happens. No problem." He grabbed a rolled of tubing out of the saddlebag and started toward a beat up old ford truck just ahead of them. "I'm getting gas. You look for anything else. Keep your head in the game. I'm serious. Walker could pop up anywhere, and ain't no one else here watchin'."

Chastised, she focused on the task at hand.

Later, they sat in the bed of a truck, splitting spam, crackers, and a can of peaches as sweat dripped off of them.

"Been thinkin'," Daryl said around a mouthful of crackers. "How long you figure it'd take for that herd to go through the animals?"

Carol shrugged. "I have no idea. That many? Not long."

"Once they ain't got no food, they'll just keep walking. It's what they do. Look for somethin' else to eat. Some'll likely get trapped, but the rest'll keep movin."

"How many are some, though?" Carol didn't like the direction this was taking. The idea of going back there felt terrifying. There were so many."

"Can't know without lookin'. Be quiet about it. The barn burned, but the house might not have caught. Even if it did, might could salvage something. Hell, even if it's just a tent and a couple blankets, be better than what we got. And if they've moved on? Got a whole cellar full o' food Hershel'd put by. Winter's comin'."

"Or we could go to look, and find ourselves back in that herd."

Daryl shrugged. "Might find ourselves in a herd, anyway. Head out that way, be careful and quiet about it. Come back here if there's nothin' there to find. What do you think? Got another idea?"

Carol could tell that he very much wanted her to have an idea, but she really didn't.

"We should check. You wanted to see if there was any sign of Andrea, anyway."

His eyes widened and he looked away from her. Carol smirked. She'd caught him, and it was kind of adorable how he couldn't look at her while he shrugged.

"Rick's probably right about that. Way the ground would be chewed up from all them dead fuckers, ain't likely to be no chance of trackin' her. Might be some sign, though. At least we could say we looked. Didn't just leave her behind without looking."

"Absolutely. We'll check." She sounded a lot more certain than she was, but he wasn't the only one who feel better if they checked.

Daryl was the one that came back for her. When she was left behind to die. She knew he respected and maybe even liked Rick, so she hadn't said it last night when asked about her unspoken reasons, but that was one of them. She didn't think for a second Rick would have turned around and went back into that herd of Walkers just because he heard her scream. She should feel guilty for taking the best man they had away from the group, but she just couldn't somehow.

She was too busy being grateful he'd come with her.