All day Friday, Santana looks forward to Brittany coming home. The idea that the five of them will have a four day weekend together almost makes her forget about what a disaster everything else is. But she has promised herself that she's going to put that aside for a few days, that she's really going to let herself relax while they do family things, that she'll let Brittany cook her breakfast in bed if she really wants to do that and she won't turn her stomach into knots thinking about what's going on at the hospital. For just a few days, she'll be calm and maybe it'll shift something in her brain so she can be relaxed all of the time.
"Mommy Noodle, what are you doing?" Liam comes into the kitchen where Santana is making a late lunch for herself. The twins are sleeping and Liam was supposed to be too, but obviously he has other plans.
"I'm making some coffee, Sir. And what are you doing out of bed?"
"I just missed you too much. Will you lay with me?"
"Okay." She concedes, not really able to say no to his earnest face. "Let's go."
She follows Liam up the stairs and carefully moves his stuffed animals from where he'd tucked them all in when he'd tried to procrastinate on his nap. He gets under the covers and she lays on top of them beside her, but he looks at her with a cross face.
"You needa get under the blankets, Mommy Noodle. That's the right way to lay."
"You never tell me that at night."
"Well I changeded the rules. Now you have to come under with me."
With a laugh, Santana complies, getting under the blanket. Liam immediately curls into her and she loves the smell of him so close. Being home with the three boys has been overwhelming but it's the little moments like this that almost make her glad she has this time off of work. Once he's snuggled into her, Liam falls asleep almost immediately and not wanting to jostle him, Santana doesn't move. She doesn't have her phone or one of the journals she's been catching up on so she decides to close her eyes. It isn't long before she falls asleep curled up with Liam and she feels completely content.
"Mama, you're home!" Liam shouts, waking Santana from her slumber who knows how much later. "And it's not even dark outside!"
"I'm home, Bud." Brittany grins, both at Liam and Santana who rubs a kink out of her shoulder. "For four whole days."
"What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?"
"I think after bedtime tonight, Mommy and I will talk about it. But I think it'll be a lot of fun stuff."
"I love fun stuff!" He shouts, tumbling off the bed. Before either Santana or Brittany can react, he's on his feet and jumping up and down. From the other room, there's a cry and Santana knows it's Oliver.
"I'll get him, honey." Brittany tells Santana and Liam chases her out the door.
When Brittany comes back in the room, she has Oliver in her arms and she comes over to the bed, kissing Santana's lips and murmuring a hi against them and getting up beside her. Oliver is content to lay in Brittany's arms for awhile and Liam comes back into the room, dragging a stack of trains up onto the bed. Santana plays with him while Brittany lays Oliver between her legs, tickling his belly and making him laugh.
"Max was still knocked out." Brittany tells Santana.
"He nursed for kind of awhile before he went down. Oliver went to sleep about a half hour before he did."
"They were good today?"
"I was extra good!" Liam announces. "I helped Mommy Noodle do the dishwasher and I cleaned up my toys and I played with Maxie and Ollie!"
"It's true." Santana smiles. "He did."
"I'm glad to hear that, Li. Much better behavior than yesterday."
"Mama, you can forget now that I was fresh."
"You're right." Brittany laughs. "I can."
Eventually, Oliver starts to get fussy and Santana takes him to nurse. Brittany takes over playing with Liam and when Max gets up, Liam rolls the trains over Santana's legs while Brittany goes to get him. It's only late afternoon, but Santana enjoys being in Liam's bed with everyone she loves and she feels no motivation for either she or Brittany to get up and start making dinner.
"Do you want to go out tonight?" She asks, hoping that Brittany is in the mood.
"That sounds good, what do you feel like?"
"If you feel like us navigating Celeste with three kids, I could really go for Italian."
"What do you think, Li, do you want spaghetti and meatballs?"
"What about hot dogs?"
"I think you've had enough hot dogs this week." Santana ruffles his hair. "It's time for something different."
"Can I have ice cream?"
"As long as your behavior is as good at dinner as it's been all day, I think I can agree to that. What do you think, Mama?"
"I think that sounds fair. How about we pick you out something to wear while Mommy finishes feeding Max?"
Brittany gets Liam dressed to go out while Santana keeps Oliver between her legs and keeps nursing Max. Then she goes into their bedroom to change out of her work clothes into jeans and Santana smiles when she comes back looking significantly more relaxed than she has in recent days. The long weekend will be good for both of them, Santana thinks, and when Max seems like he's just latched in for comfort more than for food, she hands both of the boys to Brittany and goes to change out of her yoga pants and into something more suitable for dinner.
Liam is as good as he promised, eating most of his spaghetti and meatballs and the twins don't cry at all during dinner. Santana is glad that she and Brittany can both relax and have a glass of wine and by the time they get home, all three boys are beyond ready for bath and bed. They do their usual nightly routine with them and then they change into pajamas themselves so they can go downstairs and just relax. When they get to the couch, Santana almost immediately lays her head in Brittany's lap and she loves the feeling of her long fingers running through her hair.
"How was Sue today? Did she seem mad?"
"Santana, I promise, no one as mad it you. She did ream one of the lawyers for calling Unique a he today on the phone, so that was fun to watch."
"Do you think they're even competent? I mean, are you allowed to say that now that you're not acting chief?"
"I would have said it to you anyway when I was. I think they're good at settling cases and in your case, that's what matters."
"I just want to go back to work. It's nice to have some time with the boys, but I miss the hospital."
"I know." Brittany sighs. "The settlement has been drafted, so they're getting there. And Shelby wants you back to work with the new hire."
"I can't believe they're actually hiring someone. It's been since before you were there that they have."
"I know, the budget cuts on the whole hospital haven't been good, Sue told me that when she hired me. But I'm glad they're getting someone for your department, so is Shelby."
"Are you glad to be done with the chief thing, or do you wish you had longer?"
"Right now, with the boys so little, I'm glad to be done. When they're older, it'll be a better time for me. If I'm the one who actually becomes the chief."
"I have no doubt that you will. You're meant for greatness, Brittany Pierce."
"I'm so lucky to have someone who believes in me so much." She smiles, leaning down to kiss Santana's lips.
"You're worthy of it. I feel like we've had kind of a tough time since the twins were born where I've been caught up in my own thing, but I always want to be your supportive wife."
"I'll always be supportive of you too, Santana. I know it's been really hard for you with the postpartum and me working so much. I just want to get us back into our routine."
"I'm starting to feel like myself again at least. Even though I still feel like we don't have Max and Oliver on a great routine. They're still nursing so much more than they should at night, but I'm not ready to let them cry." Santana purses her lips and Brittany nods.
"They were small when they were born, the nutrition is good for them. But I mean it every time I tell you that if you need to sleep, I'll wake up with them."
"I know. It's just like, I don't know, when I'm at work they get bottle fed all day, I feel like I should at least nurse them at night. There's something about it, I guess. Do you feel left out by it?"
"I don't. I love watching you nurse, I guess I feel like there's something really intimate about me getting to be a part of that. You made our kids with your body, now you're still taking care of them with it."
"Can I tell you something?"
"Always." Brittany tilts her head down.
"I'm glad I got to have kids with you. I really never thought about if before I met you. I guess I was just scared to pass down all of my crap."
"If they suffer from your anxiety, we're here to help them. It won't go untreated for so long. Did you know that my sister lived with depression? I wonder sometimes if Liam will too."
"I never would have imagined that from the stories you've told me about her."
"She suffered quietly." Brittany tells her. "She looked like the happiest person in the world, and by the time she settled into her life and got on medication, I think she was. But when we were teenagers, it was pretty bad. My parents didn't know what to do."
"I'd like to think that we will."
"Me too. I think if Liv would have gotten help earlier she would have gotten to enjoy so much more of her life. I don't know, it's heartbreaking that she died so soon after she started living."
"I'm sorry, Britt."
"I guess there will never be a day where I don't miss her. I would give anything for her to know you and the twins. And Liam too. She'd get such a kick out of how he is now."
"He's something else, isn't he? Today he really was so good. Max was so fussy and he kept saying 'Mommy Noodle, I want to help you make Maxie not sad,' and then he'd entertain him."
"He's a really good big brother. I was nervous before they were born, since Li was so used to having all of the attention."
"I was never nervous." Santana shakes her head. "I pictured him just like this. They already are totally in love with him."
"What do you want to do this weekend? I want to do whatever you want. If you want to stay in bed all day, that's totally fine."
"I don't, I want to enjoy the time with you home. It's supposed to be nice, so maybe we walk to the Museum of Natural History tomorrow?"
"I like that idea." Brittany starts massaging Santana's temples. "Liam will love it, I'm sure."
"I can't believe we've only taken him once. That's probably the best memory of my childhood, when my mom would take me into the city and we'd go there and have lunch. Sometimes she'd sneak me out of school and make my promise not to tell my father."
"I'm glad you have some nice memories from when you were a kid."
"My mom really did try. I feel bad for her that she missed out on so much of her own life by being with him. She was at his beck and call all of the time."
"I'm sorry you both went through that. And I'm glad that you're so close with her now."
"It took me a long time to see her as a victim too." Santana sighs. "She won't admit it, I don't think ever, but I'm sure he hit her."
"That makes me physically sick. You don't know how much I admire you both for recovering from how he treated you."
"I'm obviously not fully recovered, look at my collection of medication just to get through the severe anxiety that I swear was caused by him."
"Still, you've been able to become an amazing surgeon, an amazing mother, and the best wife I could ever imagine."
"Being with you has helped me more than you know. I trust again because you've given me reason to."
"I want you to know." Brittany stops massaging and looks deep into Santana's eyes. "I will never hurt you."
"I know, I know that so much."
After their intense conversation, Santana just wants to watch something stupid on TV, so they put on Nick at Nite and watch whatever sitcoms come on for awhile. It's late by the time they go to bed and Santana feels like she has five minutes to sleep before the sound of a crying baby wakes her up. She's glad she's got the double nursing thing down and she gets both Max and Oliver settled fairly quickly. Once they're done eating, Brittany, having woken up at the sound of the crying, changes their diapers and she soothes them back to sleep.
In the morning, everyone seems to be ready to sleep in and even though Santana's body wakes her up, she still stays curled up under the covers with her eyes closed. She's in Brittany's arms still from the last time she fell back to sleep and she snuggles closer to her, breathing in her unique smell and savoring the feeling of strong arms wrapped around her.
"You're awake." Brittany murmurs. "I thought you were going to sleep in today."
"Apparently my body had other plans. Of course it's a morning when none of the boys are up."
"Roll over so I can kiss you."
"Hmm. Are you trying to seduce me?" Santana laughs, rolling so she's facing Brittany.
"If only we had the time. We both know Liam will be in here any minute." Brittany tucks a piece of hair behind Santana's ear and kisses her lips. "Alone time is pretty much non-existent for us these days."
"I promise we'll get Max and Oliver out of here soon, so we have our own space."
"Let's just do it when we feel ready, there's no need to rush it."
"No, I know. I just feel bad that our sex life is kind of…lacking. If it didn't take me so damn long to have an orgasm…"
"Don't blame yourself because of the medication. Besides, when we do steal a little while alone in the guest room, it feels really special."
"Maybe tonight we can. We could do early bedtime, open a bottle of wine, take a bath and just be with each other."
"I'd like that a lot." Brittany kisses Santana's lips. "As long as you're up for it."
"I'm definitely up for it."
Max crying cuts their conversation short and Santana takes him into her arms, pulling up her t-shirt to do his first feeding of the day. He winds his hand up in her hair and she smiles down at him, just in awe every minute. When Oliver wakes up, Brittany takes Max and Santana does the same with him. She lets her fingers trace the scar on his head, almost covered now by his hair, she feels his weight, so slight in comparison to Max and she thinks about how in just a few days, a doctor will have a lot to say about him to them. The feeling is a little overwhelming and Santana knows by the way Brittany puts her hand on her shoulder that she knows what she's thinking.
"Mama! Mommy Noodle! What are we gonna do today?" Liam bursts into the room, hair wild and lines still on his cheek from his pillow.
"How do you feel about going to see the dinosaurs?" Brittany asks him.
"At the museum? Okey! But you gotta see the big whale that Gramma Maribel showeded me! It's at the same place as the dino-saurs."
"That sounds really good, bud."
"Li, did you know that Grandma Maribel used to take me to the museum when I was little?"
"Mommy Noodle, that's silly, you're big."
"But I wasn't always big." Santana laughs. "And the whale was my favorite part."
"You know where it is?"
"I know where it is."
Brittany insists on making breakfast so Santana lays out clothes for Liam and then gets Max and Oliver dressed and brushes her teeth so it will be easier to take a shower and get ready after breakfast. She goes downstairs with all three boys and Brittany already has a stack of pancakes waiting. Santana puts Max and Oliver in their bouncy seats and starts cutting up Liam's pancakes before she makes plates for her and Brittany. Liam is so excited all through breakfast that he can hardly control himself and Santana and Brittany trade amused glances.
After breakfast they take turns in the shower and Santana is shocked that by ten o'clock they're ready to leave the house. Brittany goes to get the car and Santana waits on the curb, holding Liam's hand while she has the two car seats tucked in the crooks of her arms. It's always a workout getting all three boys out of the house and she's glad she's in good enough shape to handle it. When Brittany pulls up with the car, she immediately jumps out to help Santana and once they're all securely in the car, they're off.
"Mama, can we see the ephalants too?" Liam asks once they're inside the museum.
"We can see whatever you want today, bud. We have the whole day."
"And nobody has to go to work?"
"Nope, nobody has to go to work." Brittany grins. "Nobody has to go to work until Wednesday."
"Is that a lot of days?"
"It's four whole days. How's that sound?"
"Great!"
"Now how about that whale, Sir?" Santana offers and Liam bounces up and down, clapping his hands.
They end up being in the museum until late afternoon, with a stop in the cafeteria for lunch and several breaks to feed Max and Oliver, and Santana is surprised that Liam lasted that long. But by the time he's ready to leave, it's clear he's exhausted and Brittany is eager to get him home before he melts down. They'll pull something together for dinner, she tells Santana, both of them knowing that going out again is bound to be a disaster, and Brittany gets them home with no tears.
The evening doesn't go as well. Liam cries over his macaroni and cheese at dinner, he cries in the bathtub, he cries that he doesn't want to go to bed and Santana can tell that Brittany is getting really frustrated. She doesn't show it, she never does, but she shoulders are tight and after Santana nurses the babies and puts them down to bed, she finds Brittany in the living room and she slowly kneads her thumbs into her shoulder blades. Brittany sighs into her touch and Santana kisses her neck, letting her lips linger there.
"The post-great day meltdown." Brittany sighs.
"We never learn, do we?"
"Apparently not. At least he's sleeping, I was afraid he'd cry for another hour."
"He was completely tired out, Max and Oliver too. It was pretty cute, they both fell asleep nursing all tangled up in one another."
"I'm bummed I missed it. But they couldn't have waited for me to be done with Liam."
"I'm sorry you got the brunt of it." Santana purses her lips.
"You had twins to feed, don't worry about it. Besides, now that everyone is sleeping, I have you all to myself."
"That's true. You do."
"How tired are you?" Brittany asks.
"Not too tired that I don't want to pour two glasses of wine and go up to the guest room."
"Yeah?"
"Totally, yeah."
They go into the kitchen together to get the wine and then they go up into the guest room. Santana knows that she's still being weird by needing to go in there but she just feels more comfortable with it. She's not even close to ready to move the twins into their own room, if she's being honest with herself, and she knows that Brittany knows that, despite what she says out loud. So they've made the guest room a place where they can go for privacy, and though Santana does love falling asleep naked and tangled with Brittany, she settled for laying naked for awhile and then going back into their bedroom so they're close by if the boys need them.
"Wanna make out?" Santana laughs, sipping from her wine glass.
"You're ridiculous." Brittany shakes her head, smile on her face. "Come here."
Santana steps into Brittany's embrace and Brittany kisses her forehead, her cheeks, her lips before she lowers her back on the bed and climbs on top of her. In experimenting with different things since Santana's medication has made sex a little more complicated, they've learned that long makeout sessions and often Santana going down on Brittany makes her body react. Santana still blushes sometimes, thinking how embarrassing it is that it takes so much to rev her up, but Brittany is nothing if not supportive, always promising her that she appreciates having more time to love her.
Savoring every moment of kissing Brittany, Santana threads her fingers through her hair, she pulls her closer, she feels the pound of her heart against her own. There's something in the safety she feels with Brittany that makes their physical intimacy even better and she wishes that she could ever find the words to explain that to her. Instead, she just kisses her harder and then Brittany's hands begin to wander over her body. She touches her milk swollen breasts, she traces the stretch marks on her stomach, she makes her feel beautiful again without even saying a word.
"You okay?" Brittany asks, because she always does lately, not wanting to make Santana feel uncomfortable.
"Really okay."
"I'm going to take your shirt off, okay? I want to see you."
"Mmhm."
Lips replace fingers once Santana is topless and she tugs at Brittany's shirt, wanting her bared as well. Brittany pulls it off in one quick motion and then unlatches her bra. Santana admires her body, she never can help but, and then she pulls Brittany back down on top of her. They kiss for a long while more and then Santana rolls Brittany onto her back, wanting to pleasure her. Brittany just smiles, eyes hooded, as Santana unbuttons her jeans and slides down between her legs.
The actual act of sex is never what is most intimate between them, but when they're finished and Santana lays with her head on Brittany's chest, she feels sated and calm. Brittany's fingers still trace over her stomach and Santana shivers a little both from the touch and from the coolness of chilling sweat. She knows that should go into their bedroom, Santana feels herself almost falling asleep, but she just wants one more moment like this, one more second of lying naked beside her wife. Maybe that's what she's looking forward to most about when she's finally ready to move the twins, being able to fall asleep like this again, and she kisses Brittany's ear, just savoring.
Pulling clothing back on, they eventually make their way back into their own bedroom. Max and Oliver are still sound asleep and Santana and Brittany are quiet as they change into pajamas and take turns in the bathroom washing up. They finally settle into bed and Santana finds her place in Brittany's arms. It's been especially hard for her, being out of work, but when she gets to lay like this at night, everything else seems to fade away.
"You're quiet tonight." Brittany murmurs into Santana's hair.
"Just thinking a lot, I guess."
"About work?"
"Not really, mostly about us."
"Can I ask what about?"
"Just that our relationship makes me calm." Santana squeezes Brittany's hand. "Even in chaos, I get in your arms and I settle."
"Are you doing okay?"
"I'm still really scared about everything at the hospital. I know you've been there and I know you said it was going to be okay, but I can't help but feel anxious about it. They haven't even called, you know? I didn't do anything wrong."
"They're going to settle the case. That man doesn't know what doctors do, he doesn't know that we make a billion decisions every day that can be life or death. He just wants money and the hospital is going to give it to him. You saved a little boy's life, Santana. You made the right choice."
"But what if Unique hadn't been there to save Cecile Frank's life?"
"She was though. You couldn't have known her appendix was going to burst, it was a routine surgery and you knew that Thomas Harper's life depended on you being in that room."
"I just worry that I have so much on my plate that maybe I'm not making decisions the way I used to."
"Honey." Brittany kisses the top of her head. "We've been over this. You're no less of an amazing surgeon now that you have kids."
"It was just, like, the day I came back from Max being sick. I was worried about him."
"If this was two years ago, what would you have done?"
"I would have moved the routine surgery and taken the emergency." Santana concedes.
"Then you can't blame yourself for this. No one died. Two lives were saved instead of just one. I know Thomas Harper's family is grateful for the choice you made."
"I just want to go back to work."
"Give it another week. Now that Sue is back, it's going to move more quickly."
"Those people in legal are idiots you know."
"I do know. But they're actually not bad at their jobs." Brittany sighs. "Are you overwhelmed at home?"
"It actually has been less overwhelming than I expected. I'm not sure how my mom does it at her age though, there's always something going on. It's different when it's both of us with two sets of hands."
"Moms who are with their kids all day every day get all the credit, huh? When Liam was little, I couldn't have done it without day care. That first month when I took leave of absence to stay home with him every day while he healed was rough."
"It's scary when something isn't right. I think being home gives me too much time to think about Oliver." Santana admits.
"Whatever it is, we're going to get through it. If it means I take time off of work, I will."
"I know. You're a really good mom."
"So are you, Santana. I don't want you to ever forget that."