After they get back from Boston, Brittany is still a little moody. Santana worries about her because she's normally so even tempered that it's surprising to see it happen. But she doesn't take it out on Santana and the boys. Instead, Santana hears the interns talking about Dr. Pierce snapping at them and giving them scut. She knows that Brittany is having a little bit of a hard time, but she doesn't want to force her to talk about it any further. She knows that Brittany is mostly a closed book when it comes to her sister and Santana is convinced that she thinks talking about it will make her break.
Instead, Santana gives Brittany her space at work, choosing to pump in her own office instead of commandeering Brittany's as often as she was. But still, she brings her lunch and coffee, she just tries to remind her that she loves her and she's here if she needs anything. It'll be good when the Pierces get to New York, Santana knows that, but it's just the transition period of them trying to sell the house that has Brittany in a state.
One night, Brittany stays at work late. Santana gets the boys fed dinner and in bed before running a bath and getting in. Her back is sore from doing back to back surgeries, and she's sure it will make her feel better. Just as she's about to get in, she hears the keys in the lock and Brittany drops her bag at the door before coming up the stairs. Santana is standing in her robe when Brittany just wraps her arms tightly around her and lets Santana hold her for a long while, forgetting that her bath is getting cold. It just feels so good to have her wife in her arms and she tucks her face into her shoulder, getting as close as she can.
"Were you getting in the shower?" Brittany finally asks.
"The bath, actually. Do you want to come in with me?"
"That would be really good, yeah."
While Brittany undresses, Santana adds more hot water to the tub and they get in together, Santana leaning into Brittany's front once they're settled. The big bath tub is probably the best thing about their house and Santana lifts Brittany's hand, playing with her fingers.
"I had a burn victim today." Brittany says quietly. "That's why I worked that."
"Oh, Britt."
"The smell of burnt flesh is the worst smell in the world. It makes me almost physically sick every single time. Did you know that I saw Liv's body?"
"I didn't." Santana answers carefully.
"I wanted to spare my parents of having to identify it. She didn't look anything like her. But the worst thing was the smell. I'd been a plastic surgeon for years by that point and I'd treated so many burn victims, but I haven't been able to do it the same since that day."
"I…I can't imagine."
"I don't want to remember her like that and sometimes I can't help it. That's why I'm trying to cling to the memories in the house…"
"Britt, do you want to buy the house?"
"It wouldn't be the same. And we'd probably have to rent it out and then there'd still be strangers living in there. I just have to figure out how to let go."
"Mommy Noodle!" Liam cries out from Santana and Brittany's bedroom. "I need you!"
"I'll get it." Brittany offers.
"Stay, I'll get it."
"But this is your bath."
"You need it more than I do. Seriously, relax. I'll take care of Liam."
Santana gets out of the tub, slips into her robe and finds Liam curled up on her and Brittany's bed hugging a pillow. His little cheeks are tear stained and Santana lifts him into her arms, hugging him tight as he cries against her. He doesn't say anything as she carries him back to his room but when they get there, he opens his mouth and a big hiccuping sob comes out.
"I had a scary dream, Mommy Noodle."
"What happened in your scary dream, Sir?" She tucks him into his bed and lays down beside him.
"I couldn't find you or Mama or Maxie or Ollie. Everybody was gone."
"We're right here, bud, you don't have to worry about that."
"I want you to stay with me."
"I'm right next to you and you can hold my hand while you fall asleep?"
"You gonna leave?"
"After you fall back to sleep, I'm going to sleep in my bed, but you know where to find me."
"Where's Mama?"
"Mama's having a little relaxation time in the tub, but she'll come into kiss you goodnight."
"Where are Maxie and Ollie?"
"They're sleeping right next to my bed."
"Why can't I sleep right next to your bed?" He asks, almost begging.
"Because you're a big guy and this is your bed right in here."
"But I want to sleep with you."
"Li, you're going to be okay in your own big bed." Brittany appears at the door. "Do you want me to lay with you too for a little while?"
"I want you to sleep with me all night long."
"I'm not sure there's room for me, you and Mommy in the bed, but we'll stay with you until you fall asleep."
"And you won't lose me?"
"I won't lose you, promise."
As they promised, Santana and Brittany stay in bed with Liam until he falls asleep. When they go back into their bedroom and Santana pulls on a shirt, she winces, remembering that she still hasn't gone to Roz to talk to her about her nipple infection. She's been powering through it, nursing on the infected side like the internet has said and trying to always put Oliver there because he's so much gentler. Brittany sees the pained look on Santana's face and she comes over, touching the hem of her shirt.
"Let me see it." She says gently.
"You've got a lot on your plate right now, I don't need you worrying about my nipple."
"You're my wife, I'm a plastic surgeon, I just want to make sure it has nothing to do with your scar tissue."
"Do you think it does?"
"Probably not, but I really want to check it."
"Thank you." Santana breathes a heavy sigh of relief as she lifts up her shirt. Brittany gently put her hand on Santana's breast and she bites her lip so she doesn't scream.
"That bad?"
"It hurts like hell. My week has been so crazy that I haven't gone to Roz."
"It's hot to the touch. Let me feel your forehead." Brittany lays the back of her hand against it. "You have a fever too."
"Do you think it's the scar tissue?"
"No, I think it's mastitis, and that you should go see Roz first thing in the morning to get on antibiotics."
"Ugh, you know antibiotics give me yeast infections. I'm going to be miserable for two weeks."
"Better than having to get this drained later. Just have Roz write you a script for both meds, then hopefully you can beat out the yeast infection."
"Is the mystery totally gone from our marriage?"
"I don't care about mystery, I have intimacy with you, that's more important."
"You're right, you're always right."
"You're right a lot of the time too." She smiles. "Do you feel okay for me to hold you in bed? I'll get you some Tylenol first."
"I can get it, Britt. Go lay down, you've had a long day."
Santana goes into the bathroom both to take her usual medication and two Tylenol. She lays down with Brittany and rests her head on her wife's chest. She's really dreading the night feeding but she knows if she doesn't do it, she's going to feel worse in the morning. So she closes her eyes and falls asleep quickly, the Ambien and Brittany's heartbeat lulling her into slumber.
The next morning, Brittany is already out of bed when Santana wakes up and after she gets ready for work, she goes downstairs to find her with Liam, Max and Oliver in the kitchen. She loves watching her with the boys and she stands back and smiles as Liam stands on his stool at the counter helping Brittany make eggs while the babies sit on the table in their seats.
"Morning, loves." Santana goes over to kiss the babies, then Liam, then Brittany. "This breakfast smells yummy, I wish I could stay for it."
"Why not Mommy Noodle?"
"I have to go see the doctor this morning, Sir."
"Are you sick?"
"I'm not sick, don't worry. I just need to see Dr. Roz for a little bit."
"You got more babies in your belly? I think we got enough."
"Mommy doesn't have more babies in her belly." Brittany laughs. "Come on Li, it's your favorite part, I'm going to flip the eggs."
Santana, even though she just kissed them all good morning a minute earlier, kisses them all goodbye and then takes a cab to the hospital so Brittany can have the car. After Roz confirms the mastitis, she calls in an antibiotic prescription—which Brittany probably could have just done for her—and a prescription for Diflucan in case Santana does get the dreaded yeast infection. Once she's done, she goes up to her office to do her morning of consults and she notices that Shelby's office looks like a revolving door. The search for a new peds surgeon hasn't been great but Santana hopes that this round will go better.
As usual, the day's schedule is jam packed for Santana and she's sore while does back to back to back appendectomies after her patient consults and she's anxious to talk to Shelby and see just how the interviews went. She knows that Shelby is always up front with her and she figures she'll get the information if she just asks. After her last surgery is done, she goes back to her office to get everything packed up, then she goes to Shelby's office and sees her talking with a woman. Santana had thought the interviews were over, but since it appears that Shelby is still doing them, she goes to turn away just as Shelby waves her into the office.
"Santana, I'm glad you're here, I thought you'd left for the day."
"My last surgery actually ran a little late, Brittany is waiting in her office for me."
"I won't keep you long, I just wanted to introduce you to our newest peds attending, Dr. Lauren Zizes. Lauren, this is Dr. Santana Lopez, one of the best attending surgeons I've ever had."
"It's so nice to meet you." Santana reaches out her hand. "Glad you're joining us."
"Yeah, me too. I got the whole tour, met with Dr. Sylvester, met with HR, I start in three weeks."
"Lauren is coming to us from Johns Hopkins." Shelby beams. "I tried to get her to start sooner, but you can't pack up your life that fast."
"I'll be glad when you start, Shelby has been looking for the right person to fill your position for awhile now."
"So I heard. Well it was nice to meet you, Santana, I know you have to go."
"Good luck with the move."
"Thanks, I'm going to need it."
With a smile on her face, Santana leaves Shelby's office. Only three more weeks of the chaos she's been living sounds really good and she hopes that Lauren will bring a lot to the department. When Santana gets to Brittany's office, Brittany is sitting at her desk working intensely on something and Santana knows that she doesn't hear her come in.
"Hey." Santana murmurs, not wanting to startle her.
"Hi. I went and picked up your prescriptions when I had a break before. I knew you wouldn't have time to go down to the pharmacy."
"Have I told you lately that I love you?"
"Only once or twice." Brittany smiles and gets up to kiss Santana. "Rough day?"
"I can't wait to get this bra off."
"I'm ready to go, I was just doing some scheduling stuff while I was waiting for you."
"Sorry, my surgery ran late and then Shelby wanted to introduce me to the new attending, she finally hired someone!"
"That's the best news, how much better do you feel?"
"Really good knowing there's an end in sight to pulling double duty. Let's get out of here though, I miss the boys."
They get in the car and Brittany drives home. The traffic is bad because that extra half hour Santana was there really makes all the difference and though Brittany remains calm, Santana can't handle the fact that no one knows how to drive. When the finally get to the house, it's long past dinnertime so Santana knows her mom already fed Liam and she and Brittany will just order something after he goes to bed. All is quiet when they go inside, with Liam sprawled on the floor with a coloring book, working to use his right hand, and both Max and Oliver in Maribel's arms on the couch.
"Sorry we're late again, Ma." Santana apologizes immediately as they walk in the door. "You know you can just stay here if you want so you don't have to drive all the way home in traffic."
"I appreciate that, Santana, but you know I'm okay driving." Maribel smiles. "You look tired."
"I am tired."
"Mama, Mommy Noodle, come look at my pitcher." Liam pops his head up as both Brittany and Santana take a baby from Maribel. "Isn't it nice?"
"It's so nice, bud." Brittany grins. "Can I bring it to my office?"
"Well now I gotta make Mommy Noodle one too."
"I would love that, Sir. Thank you."
They say goodbye to Maribel and get the twins in the tub—after Santana gets her bra off—while Liam keeps coloring. While Santana is nursing, Brittany goes to bring Liam upstairs for his bath and once Max and Oliver are down for the night, she climbs into Liam's bed and waits for him to come out and put his pajamas on. It always makes Santana smile when he comes in to do that, his wet, dark hair sticking up everywhere as he dances around and once he's done, he climbs up into the bed between her and Brittany.
"Mama?" Liam looks up very earnestly at Brittany.
"Yeah Li?"
"Did I grow in your belly like Maxie and Ollie grew in Mommy Noodle's belly?"
"Well…" Santana watches Brittany take a deep breath and she reaches over to grab her hand. "No, you didn't grow in my belly."
"So who's belly did I grow in? We didn't even know Mommy Noodle when I got borned so I couldna grown in her belly."
"You're right, you didn't grow in Mommy's belly. You grew in my sister's belly."
"You don't got a sister."
"I did have a sister, until you were a baby." Brittany struggles with tears in her eyes and Santana doesn't know what to do.
"Where'd she go? Did she go to the moon?"
"My sister was your mama, before I was your mama."
"How was she my mama? I don't know her. Why'd she go away?" Liam begins to panic and Brittany lets go of Santana's hand so she can gather him in her arms.
"There was a fire when you were just a little baby. Remember, that's how you got burned?"
"That's why that boy called me a monster."
"And you're not. We were very, very lucky that you were safe even though you were burned. But your other mama and your daddy died in the fire."
"I don't know what that means, Mama."
"When someone dies, it means we can't see them anymore." Brittany explains gently. "But that doesn't mean they're not always around us."
"They don't want to see me?"
"Oh no, Li, they would love to see you growing up so big and brave. But before they died, they made sure that I would be able to take care of you and be your mama too."
"And Mommy Noodle?"
"They would have loved Mommy Noodle." Tears run down Brittany's face and Santana reaches over to wipe them away.
"Mommy Noodle did you know them?"
"I didn't know them, Sir, only from stories that Mama has told me."
"Tell me a story, Mama."
"I'll tell you the story about the day you were born. My sister, your first mama, was so excited that you were coming. I was working at the hospital in Boston and I found out that it was time for you to come. I went downstairs to where the babies are born and your mama was sitting in the middle of her bed, arms wrapped around her big belly and singing to you. Your daddy was watching her the whole time with the biggest smile on his face because he knew very soon he would get to meet you. Grandma and Grandpa were there too and we left to give your mama and daddy some privacy. Then, your daddy came running into the waiting room shouting that you were born. We got to go in the room to see you and your mama handed you to me and said 'Liam, this is Aunt Brittany.'"
"That's silly that she called you Aunt Brittany. You're just Mama."
"But I wasn't your mama yet, I got to be Aunt Brittany first for a little while."
"You don't have to be Aunt Brittany again, right?"
"I'm going to be your mama forever, Li."
"What if you die?" He asks, his whole face scrunched up.
"I'm going to try very hard not to do that, I want to see you grow up, and your brothers too."
"Are you gonna die, Mommy Noodle?" Liam looks up at Santana, eyes filled with confused tears.
"I really hope not, like Mama, I'm going to try very hard not to."
"I don't remember my other mama or my daddy."
"You were very little when they died, but they loved you so much. They would be so proud of how big you're getting."
"Can I see a picture of them?"
"Of course you can." Brittany takes out her phone and scrolls until she finds a picture of her sister, her brother-in-law and Liam on the day he was born. "There they are, and that's little baby you."
"My other Mama has black hair like me and Mommy Noodle."
"You're right, that's where you go it from."
"I'm sad I don't remember them."
"I'm sad about that too, but I promise that I'll tell you any stories you want so you can know them, even though they're not here."
"Okey Mama." Liam rubs his eyes. "I'm sleepy."
"Go to sleep, love." She lays back down on the bed with him curled into her side. "I'm right here."
"I'll leave you with him." Santana mouths, understanding that Brittany needs the time. "I love you, Sir."
"I love you, Mommy Noodle."
Kissing Liam on the head, Santana retreats down the hall to her bedroom. She looks over at Max and Oliver sleeping and thinks of them and Liam and how she can't imagine not seeing them grow up. It hurts her heart to think of Olivia, torn away from her baby by tragedy and missing out on such an amazing little boy. She feels tears spring to her eyes, but she knows that she can't cry. She needs to be strong for Brittany when she comes out of Liam's room and instead, she settles for stroking Max and Oliver's little heads. Her Max, her strong boy that sometimes doesn't get as much of her time because she's so worried about Oliver, her Oliver, her little fighter, named after the woman that brought his big brother into the world. Those three boys, they're her whole world and she watches two of them until she hears the door creak open.
"Hey." Santana whispers. "Are you okay?"
"I think I'm better than I thought." Brittany sirs down on the edge of the bed. "He knows now."
"He does."
"It didn't change how much he loves us."
"I didn't think it would, Britt."
"I've read horror stories about kids who find out they're adopted. And this is just…a different thing all together. I couldn't even tell him that Liv died saving his life."
"You will when he's older." Santana assures her. "That's a lot for a little boy."
"I'm glad he knows, it feels like a weight off of me. I'm sorry I've been just…distant since we got back from Boston."
"You're going through a lot. You're always there for me when I am."
"I know, but I like to hold it together."
"Babe, even through all of this, you've been cool, calm and collected."
"I've never had any choice but to be. When I was a kid, I was the oldest and I watched out for Liv, then I was so focused on college and medical school and then Liv died and my mom was falling apart and Liam was in intensive care and they needed me to do what I'd always done and then…"
"And then came me." Santana says softly.
"Santana, that's not what I was going to say."
"Britt, I know I've needed to lean on you probably more than is fair."
"You've had a lot in your life."
"So have you. But you manage things better than I do."
"In the time I've known you, you've gotten infinitely better at managing things." Brittany takes Santana's hand. "And just like I don't resent Liv or my mom or Liam, I don't resent you. I'm glad that I can be there for you when things get hard."
"Sometimes I just wish I was more…I don't know what I'm trying to say. I don't even know if it's less of something or more of something. I guess on some level I thought that getting my boobs fixed would fix me, and then when that didn't, I thought getting pregnant would. I'm sorry, I'm totally derailing the conversation about what happened tonight."
"It's okay. I'm just glad it's over. And for the record, I don't want you to be more or less of anything. I love you just as you are."