Chapter 12
Carol had never paid Merle Dixon any mind at all. He was big and loud and she knew the others didn't like him, but in those days she had more immediate things to worry about than a couple of brothers who, as far as she could tell, brought in food and kept to themselves. She regretted that now, because if she'd paid more attention she may not have been quite so supportive about the whole "find Merle" plan.
The moment Merle Dixon opened his mouth, Daryl shrank in front of her. Not so much that anyone else might notice. If, for example, Rick Grimes were here, he would probably be focused on the way Daryl lowered his crossbow. He would miss how one foot went back to brace himself for the incoming impact of Merle's weight as the man launched himself at his brother. The aborted movement of Daryl's left arm as it almost but not quite came up to block a blow, but then wrapped around his brother's back instead. Someone who hadn't spent the last several months learning Daryl wouldn't notice that he was, for the briefest of moments, as wary of Merle as he was glad to see him.
Carol noticed.
As she fell into her accustomed position behind and slightly to the left of him, Carol noted the way Daryl kept adjusting his steps to keep himself between her and Merle. They were tossing half-serious insults back and forth as Merle led the way to the camp.
"Who else ya got?" Daryl asked.
Merle shrugged. "Think the big guy is the only one you know. Five men, two boys. Got a Doc, though, that was passin' through, he's the one saved my ass when Officer Friendly tried to kill me. Dave and his two ankle-biters, ain't big enough for much other than trouble. Got a long-haired asshole that likes to glare at people but can hunt and trap okay."
"That it?" Daryl was slowing his progress, one hand motioning for her to be less beside and more behind him. She whistled a be careful at him, one of the new signals that was meant to be about people and not Walkers. It was new, between them, and not one that had been part of Daryl's surprisingly extensive repertoire before. Merle wouldn't understand it.
The older man laughed. "Ain't gonna touch that baggage you picked up somewhere. Quit your frettin'. I swear, you're like an old woman with your worryin' and naggin'. Gonna put all that hair up in a bun and buy a dress?"
Daryl stopped in his tracks, shoulders squaring and chin up, and said, "Ain't none of your damned business. Can grow it down to my asshole if I want to. And you're the one wearin' the skirt."
The two of them glared at each other.
After a minute, Merle laughed long and loud, but something about it didn't sound quite right to Carol. They were family, and she could see a whole other conversation taking place between them. Things communicated with a shift of the eyes or the way a body angled toward or away from the other. There was a lot more going on than she was able to interpret, and it made her antsy.
They ended up sitting around a half-rotted picnic table. Daryl gave an extremely abbreviated report of what had happened since they'd become separated.
"Damn near died," Merle said. "Would have, if they hadn't dropped that bag of tools while they's running off. Cut myself loose, then had to get to shade and water. Ended up stealing a truck and makin' my way here. Doc stitched me up and next I know it's near winter already."
"Dude, you shoulda seen him. Most people would have died of exposure," Jerry interjected. "and that was before the infection set in. If the Doc wasn't here, Merle wouldn't be here right now."
Everyone else turned to look at the Doctor, who suddenly seemed uncomfortable, but Carol kept her eyes on Daryl.
"Owe you," Daryl said, tilting his head toward his brother as he met the Doctor's eyes.
"Bullshit. You don't owe anybody shit. I do," Merle said. "And I pay my own debts. Now, where'd you pick up that growth clingin' to your ass."
It was all Carol could do not to squirm.
"Other way 'round, I reckon," Daryl shrugged. "Carol said she was sick of other people tellin' her what to do and she'd live or die on her own. Was leavin' to find you anyway, and another set of eyes sounded good to me, so we walked off from the group. Doin' fine so far."
A pit opened up in her stomach as she listened to that succinct recitation. That really was all that happened. Somehow in the intervening months it came to feel like so much more to her. They came to feel like so much more. But really, this was the end goal. Daryl found Merle. He could walk away from her right now, and she couldn't even be angry with him for it.
"You're both welcome here," Doc said. He was tall and lanky, with dark hair and pale skin, and an accent that was vaguely English sounding. He was also obviously speaking directly to her instead of Daryl, as if he'd been able to follow the path her thoughts had taken. It was a little creepy.
"Gonna head back to our place today," Daryl said. "We'll think on it, but even if we do move this way there still ain't no reason to leave what we got stockpiled behind."
"At least wait until our scout gets back. Ian is out checking on movements of the infected. Stay long enough to be sure you don't walk into something between here and there."
Daryl turned and looked at her as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and Carol could feel Merle's scowl without glancing his way. This wasn't how he'd planned for it to go, and he didn't like it. Daryl knew that, too. The muscles in his neck were standing out as if it was a fight not to look to his big brother, and really, what could she do in the face of that?
"How long? Would that put us travelling after dark?"
"He shouldn't be more than a couple of hours out," Doc said.
"We can stay for a couple of hours, but we really need to make sure we have extra time in case something unexpected happens between here and there?" She meant it to be a declaration, but it still came out sounding like a question.
"Ain't up to you," Merle said.
"Damn sure is," Daryl said. "We got things worked out between us. She's in charge of what she's good at and I'm in charge of what I'm good at. 's how we do things."
"Oh, it's how you do things? Takin' orders from some strange woman now, are ya?"
Daryl looked so torn that it broke her heart.
She didn't know what he wanted her to do. She tilted her head and gestured down low to her side, silently asking for guidance and hoping he'd see and give her some kind of clue.
"Do things how we do things," Daryl said, rescuing her. Some of the tension left his body, but he still looked deeply conflicted. "We're used to it, and it works. Y'ain't gotta go with us if you don't want."
Merle blinked. "What the hell, Daryl?"
"Up to you. I'm goin' home, got work to do there and can't be gone so long some damn asshole comes and takes up there while we're away. Wouldn't say no to some help, but if you come with us then you got to do things our way. Ain't handin' shit over to ya just because you show up."
Whatever he wanted to say to that, Merle swallowed it, and nodded instead, his eyes narrowing. He wasn't happy, but he was quiet for now.
"Having allies would be a good thing. It would give everyone a place to fall back to if one of our camps becomes compromised." Doc was nodding slowly, "We could pool resources as well."
That didn't sound like anything Carol was comfortable with, not yet at least. There were too many of them. They could take everything she and Daryl had built and wouldn't even have to try very hard to do it. And didn't that sound like Rick Grimes talking in her head? Daryl knew these people.
She tried to catch his eye, but he was currently engaged in a staring contest with Merle. Doc sent a pointed glance in the direction of the two men and raised an eyebrow at her.
"We'll swing by here next week sometime. Right now, we need to get back. If someone stumbles on our things while we're away, the whole question is moot."
Three hours later, they were walking away the way they'd come. There was a more direct route, Carol knew that, but when Daryl started back toward the fence they'd climbed over she felt more relieved than confused. Good. He wasn't trusting them completely, either.
They were quiet for the time it took them to get back to the bike, though she caught herself looking around almost obsessively.
"Do you think they followed us?"
Daryl chewed on the inside of his cheek for at least half a minute before answering. "Don't think so. Ain't heard or seen nothin' that feels that way. Just – Merle was sober. He's a good guy when he ain't on nothin', believe it or not, but I only knew a couple of them people and Merle, well, he ain't always the best at deciding what kinda folks to hang around, y'know?"
"And the whole world has changed since you saw the others last."
Daryl nodded. "Rick might've come across like a real asshole back in the winter, but it ain't like he's completely wrong. People can change while y'ain't lookin'. Not sayin' we won't come back and join up with 'em if you want to, but gotta let Merle get over bein' pissed I ain't just droppin' everything to do what he says first. Then he can tell us what we need to know, maybe."
"The children seemed well cared for. But I would have felt better if there were other women. Even the children were all boys."
"Hmmm. Saw that."
"I'm sure Merle wouldn't be around – "
"Me and Merle both sat our asses right there and watched your old man beat the hell outta ya. Ain't like we ain't watched the same damn thing a hundred times, either. Woman's gotta get herself out of that shit. All gettin' in the middle does is make it worse for 'em if they ain't ready to walk out. And that group had a shit ton of women in it done the same thing."
"Tell me what you really think," Carol snapped. She didn't really know why, he hadn't said anything that she may not have said herself at one time or another.
He sighed. "Don't mean it was right what he done. Don't mean it was your fault for stayin', 'cause that ain't how it works. Just mean we can't take things the way they seem on the first look, or trust that Merle wouldn't be around people that do bad things, because he's been around a lot of them before. We've gotta make our own judgments on people. I figure we probably know more what to look for than a lot of folks, anyway, so it ain't like that's a bad thing."
She nodded, "You're right. Of course. It would be nice, though. Especially if Rick and the others are still at the storage units. We could have people nearby who could help if things go badly. If there's another herd like…"
"First thing is getting' home. Take stock of what we got left from winter. Decide what we're gonna do this summer." He put his backpack on backwards, the bulk of it settling against his chest. Carol already had hers on her back.
"Better fences come first," Carol said, settling into her place behind him on the bike.
Instead of answering, he started the bike and pulled out from under the treeline, turning toward home.