* This one is just a fun little dalliance that I wrote one day. I originally intended to make a series out of it but decided to drop the idea in favor of doing a comedy series comprised of unrelated RWBY one shots I'll post again when I have time.

RWBY: Jaune Arc –Driving Instructor

Blanket disclaimer: I do not own RWBY

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This is an idea that sprang into my head when I was chatting with Solvdrage so he can be charged with aiding and abetting on this fic. It probably didn't help that I was marathoning RWBY Chibi episodes as well. This is set up as a short oneshot but I may continue it someday. It's up in the air at this point. Enjoy!

Quote: "No fair! I was going to be so fast; and yet now I am just furious!" –Ruby Rose losing a race at the starting line to Weiss Schnee, RWBY Chibi

Chapter 1: The Red Reaper

Beacon Academy, Headmaster Ozpin's Office

Ozpin sat back and adjusted his glasses. "You aren't in any sort of trouble Mister Arc; just relax. I realize summoning you out of the blue might be unexpected but I simply want to ask a favor of you."

Jaune sweated nervously and thought, 'Thank god; I thought my fake transcripts had been discovered.' "What kind of a favor do you need sir?"

The gray haired Professor smiled indulgently. "It's quite simple Jaune; I'm wondering if you would be willing to be an instructor part time. Your grades have improved and you've proven to be a reliable and trusted leader of team JNPR. We're forming a new class this semester and I believe you are well suited to teach it. What do you think?"

"Ummm, what kind of a class is it sir? I'm not the best fighter." said the blonde. "I would think Pyrrha might be better at-"

"This class isn't about fighting Jaune; it's about….driving." said Ozpin.

Jaune's eyebrows shot up. "Driving sir….? As in cars and trucks?"

"Precisely." said Ozpin with a sound of approval in his voice. "This may come as a shock to you but eighty percent of your classmates have little or no driving experience. All students are required under law to pass the written test for driving to know the traffic laws but actually, physically getting behind the wheel and driving is rare. Since our students don't always have access to Bullheads;** it is obvious they need to learn how to drive. Since you are one of the few students that actually is a qualified driver I felt it would be a good way for you to share your knowledge with others."

Jaune was a bit confused. "Professor, I have a good driving record but Yang Xiao Long might be a better choice. She's a great driver."

"Miss Xiao Long is not of the temperament to teach others Jaune." said the headmaster. "She also has numerous traffic violations and….other violations. Clearly you are the better choice."

"Are you sure one of the Professors wouldn't prefer to do it sir?" asked Juane.

Ozpin chuckled, "Well, I did some inquiries and found that all of them had their schedules full with their regular class work. They politely declined."

Flashback….

….Ozpin sipped his coffee. "And that's why I thought to ask you Glynda. You have a flawless driving record."

Professor Goodwitch growled, "I'd sooner hang myself as be in a car with one of those (cough)*insane misfit brats *(cough)*devil's children*(cough). You couldn't pay me enough to teach them to drive!"

….The Headmaster hoped that Professor Port might answer the call to arms….

Professor Port's answer was in the negative as well. "Ho, ho! I'm a veteran of countless battles Professor Ozpin. I know better than to take on that suicide mission."

….It wasn't long before Ozpin decided to ask Professor Oobleck for his input on the matter….

Oobleck said in his usual rapid fire way, "Open combat with the Creatures of Grimm is far safer than driving the way people are on the roads these days. Ethically I aim to keep my students alive; not to end their lives in a fiery explosion….not to mention my own."

….Ozpin cringed at the notion of asking Professor Peach having seen her car looked like it had been through a demolition derby….

Flashback end….

"….And that's why I felt you would be the ideal choice Mister Arc. I think you'd make a fine instructor." said Ozpin brimming with confidence. "What do you think? I'll add in some bonus points toward your other classes to help with your grades as well."

Jaune had stars in his eyes. 'B-bonus points?! That could save me from failing!' "I….I'd be willing to give it a try sir!"

"Wonderful!" said the headmaster. "Let's go see your car." Ozpin took Jaune down to the parking garage and pointed to a four door sedan. It was a big Vale Motor Company Fremont*** which was as pedestrian as a car could be. Ozpin looked pleased and Jaune did his best not to sigh. 'No one will be hot-rodding this car.' thought Jaune dourly. 'How boring.'

"This is what you'll be teaching your students in Mister Arc." said Ozpin grandly. "Consider it your own classroom on wheels."

The car was a sedate white color with a gray interior. Jaune remembered seeing the commercials for these vehicles. Vale Motor Company had the motto of 'Safety First' and all of their car commercials were so family friendly that it made Jaune nauseous. At any rate, Ozpin had purchased the big car from the Frakchtur Automotive School that was near Beacon Academy in Vale. The Headmaster got it for a reasonable price but didn't know why the students there at Frakchtur referred to that particular car as 'The Fremont Sleeper.****' Deciding to pay it no mind, Ozpin drove the car over to Beacon where it could be marked appropriately for someone learning to drive.

On its trunk was the sign STUDENT DRIVER in large red letters. It already had mud flaps from Frakchtur with skull and cross bone motifs that said 'Back Off Dude!' Ozpin considered removing these (Glynda would have burned them in a heartbeat) but they seemed to amuse the students so the gray haired Headmaster decided to leave them in place.

….

….DAYS LATER….

….

Jaune was looking at his clipboard at his list of students. 'Almost everyone on the list is a classmate so at least it won't be awkward. Dodged a bullet there. I wonder who's first.'

"Hi Jaune!" said Ruby as she trotted up happily. She gave him a jaunty salute. "Ruby Rose reporting for duty. I got picked to go first!"

"How did you get picked Ruby?" asked Jaune. (He'd been hoping for Weiss). "Of course that's great and all, but-"

"I totally lost at rock-paper-scissors!" said the smiling girl.

"…." Jaune sweat dropped. "T-that's terrific Ruby. Let's head down to the car."

The pair took the elevator down to the parking garage where the staff parked their cars. "It's the white Fremont all the way at the end Ruby." said Jaune as he pointed at the large, dull vehicle.

Ruby looked over the car carefully and said, "I like the mud flaps."

"Heh. Yeah, they're great…." said Jaune weakly. "Here's the key. Let's unlock it and get in. We'll adjust the seat and stuff so you are comfortable and can reach everything."

Within a few minutes the pair had gone over all the basic controls and Jaune felt that Ruby would do fine. 'She is very mechanically inclined after all.' thought Jaune. "I'm strapped in Ruby."

"Okay! My seatbelt is on and the car is ready to roll! Let's get this puppy started." said Ruby excitedly as she turned the key and brought the big Fremont to life. "First let's turn on some driving music!" The black and red haired girl reached over and turned on the radio as she cranked the volume up to ten on the dial.

[click]

~Full tank, Pockets lined with cash~

~Full throttle, Gonna rip some ass!~

[click]

Jaune's hair was blown back from the screaming heavy metal noise and he turned it off. "Ummm….I think we need it quiet so you can concentrate on the road Ruby." said the blonde as he patted his hair back down with his hand.

"Don't you like Megadeth?" asked Ruby in a pouting tone. Her silver eyes were big and watery.

"I-it's fine!" said Jaune. "But we need to be able to hear each other while we're driving."

"Okay!" said Ruby switching back to her usual chipper self.

'Whew! Ruby sure is bipolar today.' thought the blonde. "Alright, check all of your mirrors and put your foot on the brake pedal. Now we gently shift the car into reverse and-"

….Cardin Winchester was walking through the parking garage looking for someone to bully/minding his own business when he suddenly heard the sound of screeching tires as a white wall came roaring towards him with a large STUDENT DRIVER taking up his entire field of vision. The lummox screamed like a schoolgirl and dived out of the way as the white Fremont shot past him like a bullet before it skidded to a stop….Alas, poor Cardin dived straight into a cement pillar and knocked himself unconscious….

"How was that Jaune?" asked Ruby brightly. "I whipped us right out of the parking place lickety-split!"

Jaune was holding on to his chest as his heart hammered. "R-ruby, were you watching your mirrors? You almost hit Cardin!"

"Did I?" asked Ruby in a dismissive tone. "I must have missed him."

'Was she trying to hit Cardin?' thought Jaune in terror. "W-well-"

Ruby said excitedly, "I know about this part Jaune! I put the car in overdrive, hit the gas and away we go!" The smell of burning rubber filled the parking garage as the Fremont shot forward and Jaune was slammed back in his seat by the sheer acceleration as Ruby cackled like a lunatic….The scythe using girl slammed on the brakes and skidded to a halt at the exit to the parking garage to look both ways before getting ready to pull on to the street. Seeing traffic was dense, Ruby narrowed her eyes and said, "There!" at a small gap in the traffic. The big Fremont went screaming out of the parking garage and onto the road barely missing a collision amongst the flow of angry drivers honking their horns and cursing at the two teens.

Jaune's knuckles were turning white from gripping the dashboard in fear. "S-SLOW DOWN RUBY! We're going way too fast for a residential street!" cried the blonde.

"I guess I'm just not used to the speed of a car yet." said Ruby as she stuck her tongue out playfully. "It still seems slow to me. I wonder if I could use my semblance while driving."

"What is your semblance again?" asked the wide eyed Jaune.

"It's called 'speed' by the others." said the black and red haired girl in a sinister tone. Her silver eyes glowed menacingly.

The blonde boy turned driving instructor nearly screamed in terror. "N-n-n-n-no; no semblance behind the wheel!"

"Awww; you're no fun Jaune." pouted Ruby.

Jaune's fevered brain was putting several pieces of the puzzle together. Many questions came to mind. 'How does this car have that kind of power? It's supposed to be slow as molasses and it's moving like a racing car! Why does it have a speedometer that goes all the way up to 180 miles per hour? A Fremont won't go half that speed!'

Ruby brought the car to a halt at a stoplight. Her silver eyes were soaking up all the details of the car's instrumentation. 'Let's see, speedometer, oil temperature, odometer, tachometer, N2O….N2O? Isn't that nitrous oxide for racing?' Her face lit up. 'So cool!' She mentally squealed at the little red button that was calling to her to push it. "Yang would love this car!" she thought aloud.

They soon were driving along at a safer pace much to Jaune's relief. "Okay Ruby, we're going through a tunnel so turn on the headlights for safety. If you have to change lanes or pass make sure you have plenty of clearance. The tunnel is lit but it's still dark." Jaune was gaining a bit of confidence now. They pulled in the tunnel and ended up locked behind a truck that stank to high heaven.

Ruby growled, "What is he burning as fuel in that truck, manure?! I'm going around him right now!" She flipped the turn signal on and whipped out beside the old truck. Jaune and Ruby watched as the lights in the tunnel passed by them at a sedate pace. The tunnel was a straight shot from there and a couple of miles ahead was the end of the tunnel. "We aren't even going the speed limit…." pouted Ruby.

"Just relax Ruby." said Jaune. "We'll get there when we get there."

Ruby watched as the cars ahead of her started changing lanes. Her eyes were drawn to the little red N2O button….

"I know it's frustrating being by a vehicle that stinks but traffic will loosen up once we're out of the tunnel." said Jaune confidently.

Ruby wasn't listening. Her silver eyes were darting between the road and the N2O button that whispered seductively, 'Come to the dark side Ruby Rose. Push me….'

Jaune looked ahead and said, "See, the traffic is clearing out already if you want to go ahead and pass."

The scythe wielding girl was sweating heavily. 'Push me….' whispered the button.

Ruby saw the path clear ahead to end of the tunnel as the cars drifted lazily from lane to lane….She looked at the speedometer that was resting on a sedate 30 miles per hour. The red and black haired girl's eyes widened as the button whispered in a velvety voice, 'Just one little push and your journey to the dark side will be complete….'

"Anyway, you're doing fine." said Jaune.

"I'VE GOT TO PUNCH IT!" shrieked Ruby at the top of her lungs. She floored the accelerator and pushed the red N2O button like one possessed. Ruby laughed wildly as the speedometer and the engine RPMs shoot through the roof.

Jaune felt the sensation of the G-forces pressing him back in the cushioned seat as the tunnel lights around them turned from dots to streaks of light. His blue eyes widened as he got the sensation they were making the jump to light speed. He screamed in pure, unadulterated terror over the aggressive roar of the Fremont's engine….

….Ruby was cackling demonically as they shot out of the tunnel at 110 miles per hour and she zipped though the traffic like greased lightning. "AHAHAHAHA! This is driving!" yelled the black and red haired girl.

"HO-HO-HOLY SHIIIIIIT!" screeched Jaune. Just about the time the blonde was going to lose control of his bladder they came rolling to a stop at a red light.

"Whew, glad I got that out of my system!" said Ruby with a laugh.

Realizing he was still alive and by some miracle in one piece; the pale faced descendant of a long line of Arc men said shakily, "Maybe we should turn on a little driving music to soothe my nerves…." Unfortunately the volume was still on ten.

[click]

~Cops they took my license away~

~Got my car out of impound today~

~I've been drunk since last Saturday~

~Better stay out of my way!~

[click]

Jaune turned the radio off quickly before he went deaf….

"You didn't even let it get to the chorus!" cried Ruby.

"What kind of a song was that?" asked Jaune in a frazzled voice.

Ruby scratched her chin. "I believe it's called D.U.I."

Jaune blanched. "As in Driving Under Influence?"

"You got it!" declared Ruby playfully.

The blonde driving instructor was shaking like a leaf in the wind when he motioned for Ruby to pull off the road at a rest stop. As soon as they came to a halt Jaune opened the door and promptly lost his lunch….and breakfast.

Ruby groaned, "Oh, no. Not the return of Vomit Boy!"

….

An hour later Ruby pulled the big Fremont back into its parking place with a small bump as she smoothly ran over the still knocked out Cardin Winchester. As Jaune got out he saw Cardin's feet sticking out from under the car and mumbled, "Oh jeeze Ruby; now you've killed someone…."

Ruby ignored that comment as she got out of the car and said, "Well; for my first time out that was pretty great. I can't wait until next week. Thanks Jaune! You're the best!"

….

The Saga of Jaune Arc -Driving Instructor was only beginning…..

….

POSTSCRIPT:

**Bullhead is the unofficial name of the small VTOL airships that the teams commonly are seen using.

***It looks like a Checker Cab on Steroids

****Sleeper; an automobile that has been modified to improve its performance without changing its outward appearance.

Yes, I don't own Megadeth or the Offspring either. Well, that was a nice little detour for me as my first non-Naruto story. RWBY Volume 4 will be out soon so I had to get this out on paper. See you next time if there is one. Blue out. 10/5/16