Hermione agreed to meet Harry and Ron near the lake, where they would have more privacy. In fact, it was just Harry's growing paranoia that asked them to go to an isolated spot away from Malfoy. Hermione was walking toward the lake, regretting agreeing to meet her friends here, since she was wearing a sundress in midsummer and this was undoubtedly a cold, windy night. Her legs trembled slightly, and Hermione told herself it was just cold and not what she had just observed in the boys' dorm. It could not be. She might not have had much experience with guys, like most of her friends, but she was not a prude on these issues. She was unaware of her whole body, just never had a close relationship with anyone, maybe it was stupid of her to be guarding this small part of herself, but it was not even because she was looking for the perfect boy with whom she would lose her virginity on a romantic night, she had simply never loved anyone that much.
Still, why were you so upset or shocked to see Malfoy and Pansy in that way? It was no secret that they had a relationship, and Hermione suspected it was also sexual. But it was one thing to be suspicious, another to watch, with your own eyes. Him. Hermione felt her face growing redder and a burning sensation seemed to ripple through her from top to bottom.
"Get it together Hermione." she whispered to herself stumbling on her feet, clearly, she had drunk too much. Damn it, Ginny.
The night was pitch dark; she could barely see anything. The mist covered the floor of Hogwarts, even Hagrid's hut was not known in the middle of this white and grey cloud, which tormented Hermione's thin and icy legs. Her head was throbbing, and her heartbeat echoed off the walls of her head. She felt dizzy but continued to walk towards the lake and her friends. Harry would be disappointed when he knew that she could not find out anything about Draco unless Pansy did blow jobs on him regularly.
Asshole, Hermione said out loud. And at that moment, she could have sworn she heard a branch behind her being crushed. Hermione turned quickly to the point of feeling dizzy again. It was impossible to see anything in that fog and she was genuinely scared.
"Mione?" Ron said, appearing in the fog. Hermione immediately smiled in relief at being him.
"Ron, I thought that you were someone else." Hermione said. "Have you seen Harry yet?"
"I came to look for you, Harry started to be suspicious because you haven't arrived yet." said Ron, a little flushed. Hermione remembered the conversation they had had hours ago and suddenly wished it were not Ron who was here.
"Mione '..." Ron said hesitantly and breathlessly. "I thought you wanted this as I do."
Not now. I'm pissed off drunk.
"Ron, I don't feel really good right now. Can we talk about it later?" She said covering herself with her arms. She was freezing. Ron noticed that and gave her his robes he was wearing.
"Here." He said placing the cloak on her shoulders. Hermione smiled. Ron was an attentive and genuinely good guy, Hermione knew that she always did. And maybe it was this comfortable side that made her approach him and even let herself fall in love with him. Ron was a good choice. Safe. Even when the differences between them came on the scene and it seemed impossible to be in the same room breathing the same air. Hermione let herself sink into Ron's eyes. Sweet, caring, and in love with her. There was nothing to indicate an explosion of them, Ron was not a time bomb about to explode, he did not predict a storm, nor a whirlwind of feelings in combat. Definitely very different from Malfoy's.
"Are you okay Mione? I thought I lost you there." Ron said smiling.
"What? I'm sorry." Hermione said coming back to reality.
"Let's go find Harry before he goes to Dumbledore for thinking we disappeared. "Ron said holding out his hand for her to grab. Hermione looked at his puppy and pleading eyes and to her, it felt like he the strangest person in the world, like he was not her best friend. Like she did not want him, after years of pining over him.
Ron was a good guy. He really was and he cared for her. Hermione said to herself and grabbed his hand, walking by his side.
Hermione's bed in the girls' dormitory in the Gryffindor tower was still intact, as were some of the things she decided to leave there, like her favorite red and gold pajamas, some books from her childhood and an image of her, from Ron and Harry's second year in Hogwarts. A part of her felt nostalgic for this period, and if she left some things there, maybe she could always go back there and nothing would have changed, like a clause in time. Besides, today was the perfect night to go back to sleep in her old and comfortable bed, to avoid meeting Draco in the room they both shared, although Hermione did not think he would be sleeping there tonight.
She could not sleep without letting her head drift to the same thoughts about Malfoy. It seemed a kind of torture, to keep coming back to that image, to that moment. He did not look furious or shameful, perhaps a little surprised to see her there, but he had no intention of covering himself or shouting for her to close the door. Oh god, how would she look Malfoy in the face on Monday, knowing she saw ... everything. How would she look him in the eyes from now on?
She omitted this detail when she spoke to Harry and Ron about the failed mission to find Malfoy's dark secrets. Harry was a little furious, but he was already thinking about a new mission to catch Malfoy, whose details Hermione admits not having been paying much attention to. She was sure she was getting sick after spending the night in the cold, or else, she had her first hangover. In any case, she felt like death itself and did not plan on getting out of bed all weekend, until she felt better until she forgot what she saw in Malfoy's dorm. Maybe she could tell Ginny about it, but she was going to ask uncomfortable questions that Hermione didn't want to relive or think about. Hermione looked at Ginny's bed, which was intact. Clearly, someone was having fun tonight. Looking at Ginny's spotless bed, Hermione felt a bit of guilt for not telling Ginny what was going on and just disappearing when both were having so much fun. She felt like a bad friend to her, when Ginny was nothing but lovely to her for the past years, especially during this summer, after Sirius's death. Maybe tomorrow she could go to breakfast with Ginny, outside of Hogwarts, and away from the guys who just got her in trouble, headaches, and almost hypothermia.
Hermione woke up with the first ray of sunlight that went through the window directly to her pillow, practically blinding her. A few seconds later, Ginny snuck in, sneakers in hand, and directly to the bed next to Hermione's.
"Hey." Hermione said raising her head, rubbing her eyes.
Ginny merely looked at her and started to undress her dress, putting on comfortable pajamas instead.
"You look like absolute shit." Ginny said lying down, looking towards the ceiling.
"Well, I think it's appropriate because that's how I feel." Ginny did not answer her and turned to the side so that her back was to Hermione. "Gin. I'm sorry about last night, Harry had this crazy plan and ..."
Ginny turned sharply towards Hermione. "He always has a crazy plan and you're always going to run towards him. If the Chosen One asks for something, Hermione Granger will run, leaving everything behind, right?".
"What? He is my best friend Ginny. Why are you so fucking jealous all the time?" Hermione said and immediately regretted it by looking at the young witch's face, full of disappointment.
"And you are my best friend and I just wanted to not be left behind by you all the fucking time. You are so selfish, Hermione. You wear that mask that you are helping to save the world with Harry but deep down you just like the attention people give you, like Ron and Harry" Ginny said, with her face getting fully red. Just like her brother. "And you know what? You have to make your mind, Ron is in love with you and you know it, you can't just give him false hopes when you clearly not fancy him anymore."
Hermione felt her throat close in on herself and for a moment she held her breath. After what seemed like an eternity of counting her breath, she grabbed her robe and ran out of the dorm, without even realizing she was bare feet until she cut herself on some glass on the stairs.
"Fuck!" She screamed, echoing in the hall of stairs. She was bloody alone anyways. Stumbling she sat down on the stair, not even bothering with the blood that was on the floor because of her. She did not know what she was doing or what she was feeling, everything just seemed kind…lost.
"Granger?" Malfoy asked behind her. She turned around, her cheeks full of tears and with her big red eyes from crying, not even bothering that her enemy was seeing her like that. She was bloody exhausted.
"What?" she asked turning around, avoiding his hard stare.
"You are bleeding." Malfoy simply stated. Hermione could notice that the blood was making me even paler than he already was, she never thought that Malfoy was the squeamish type.
"What are you doing here Malfoy?" She was not in the mood to deal with him right now.
"Did you hurt yourself on purpose?" He asked, with certain worry in his voice that Hermione could not help to notice. She looked at him and he looked genuinely terrified of her right now.
"No, I left the dorm without my shoes and I just cut myself on some stupid glass." She said.
"Well, why you don't clean it? You are messing everything up." Hermione looked at herself and he was right. Besides the floor that was stained with her feet print, she managed to get some blood on her hands and legs, which were somehow exposed, since she did not put her robe on. Great, she was in her nightclothes in front of Malfoy.
Before she could say anything, Malfoy stepped in front of her and cleaned all the blood that was on the floor, and then he grabbed her feet carefully and cast a spell to heal her wounded feet. In the process, Hermione just looked at him, completely shocked when he touched her so easily like she was… one of them. Like he has not spent the last couple of years calling her unworthy and dirty. Dirty blood. Hermione felt her temper rise with those ugly and painful memories and got up, picking her robes, and getting dressed rapidly, but still with blood in her hands.
"You still have some blood on you." Malfoy said looking at her hands, quite perplexed with them.
"Muddle blood you mean?" Hermione slapped at him. She could not keep with this charade. "What are you doing Malfoy? You called me those names and things for seven years on the row, you fucking hate me. And now you are cleaning up my mess…and…being like that." Malfoy just stared at her, waiting for something. "I don't understand and I'm fucking tired of all of this…thing."
"I told you. I don't know what I believe anymore." Malfoy said like he was angry at himself and at her, for making him confessed that.
"Why? You hated me Malfoy, you practically wanted me dead."
"I never wanted you dead, you idiot. I am not a monster. And I don't need to give you any explications about what I'm thinking about." Draco said defensively.
"So, what, I'm supposed to believe that you changed out of the blue? Is that what you want, to make me let my guard down?" Hermione asked.
"I don't want anything from you Granger." Draco remarked, his lips twisting into a venomous half-smile.
"Is that so Malfoy?" She took a step closer, now facing his face that was a mere inch away. "Why did you help me then? Now and the other night with that creature?"
"Why do you have to question everything on that brains of yours? Don't you get tired of overthinking everything? You're so damn frigid." Draco said angrily.
"Oh, I'm sorry, do you expect to be more like your girlfriend? Sucking some boy dick in the middle of a party with the door open?" Hermione snapped, feeling her cheeks heating up. Why did I say that?
Draco smirked at her, getting even closer if that was possible. "Is this all about last night Granger? You jealous?"
"Don't be fucking ridiculous Malfoy. Everybody knows about your adventures and I feel sorry for Pansy because clearly you don't love her a bit and that just makes you a coward."
"Don't you dare call me that." Draco said dangerously.
"Or what? What are you going to do Malfoy? Hurt me?" Hermione asked provocatively. Seriously, she didn't know why she was acting this way, but he just turns her insides on fire.
Hermione just looked at Draco, waiting for something, which she had longed deeply, for some time now, like a shameful and painful feeling lurking in her depths. Malfoy approached this time slowly, watching her breath catch in her throat. His eyes hovered over Hermione's lips and then at her tears that seemed to have crystallized on her pink cheeks.
"Why were you crying?" He asked as if he had forgotten why he approached her.
"Just feeling a bad friend and ... lost." Hermione said sincerely. There was no need to lie to Malfoy, not now anyway.
Draco shook his head as if he understood what she was going through. And to Hermione's surprise, he took her bloody hand and grabbed it, intertwining his with hers.
"I'm not my father. I never truly was but I wanted to be, but now ... I just can't stand all the deaths and the blood." Draco confessed. What deaths? Hermione wondered but she knew he would not tell her.
"Things don't need to be this way Draco." She said looking at their hands intertwined. It was a strange and unlikely sight, but it also felt right and calming. Like something solid in the middle of the chaos.
Draco also seemed to be fixated on their hands, perhaps confused, and surprised by his behavior but he had no intention of letting her go. Just a little more time. Something he did not have.
"I can help you Draco. Dumbledore can. Whatever you got yourself on, we can get you out." Hermione said grabbing his hand tighter. Draco smiled at her, genuinely.
"I wish that was true Granger." He simply said.
Before Hermione could say anything else, Neville got through the Gryffindor door and walked into the middle of their conversation. His eyes looked immediately at their hands together and Hermione let go of Draco's hand.
"Neville." She said embarrassed.
"Hermione… Are you hurt? Did he hurt you?" Neville said defensively looking at Draco.
"No, Neville, I'm fine." Hermione said, she looked at her side to see Draco still standing right there, with an annoyed expression.
"Okay… this is… crazy." Neville said looking at them, trying hard not to laugh. "I'm going for breakfast Hermione. Do you want to join me?"
"Yea, I will be there in a bit. I just need to dress something." She said covering herself once more.
Neville smiled and simply waved, a suspicious gleam in his eyes as he passed Draco.
"Malfoy." He said, acknowledging his presence.
"Longbottom." Draco nodded nonchalantly.
Hermione looked at them both surprised and confused. "What? No one is going to try to take anyone's head off?" Hermione asked Draco incredulously when Neville was gone.
Draco laughed lightly. "No, Granger. Actually, I helped Longbottom with something a couple of months ago."
"The world has gone mad indeed." Hermione said. "Well, I better go. And clean me up. I'm sorry about ... the mess."
"No problems. See you in patrols tonight?" Draco said, looking once again at eyes like he was searching for something.
"Yea. See you, Draco." She said purposefully with a triumph smile on her face. Draco smirked at her and left, not once cleaning his bloodied hand, with her blood. Her dirty blood that he did not care about anymore. Hermione smiled and opened the door.