She hurried to the infirmary, listening to her and Ginny's footsteps echoing in the walls of the castle. There was a chill in the approaching night, the shy sun of the afternoon was fading away in a mist of grey and dark clouds that were welcoming the night. It fit the occasion perfectly. When the young witches entered the room, making the old doors ranged like an old tree, the director and professor McGonagall looked at them with an empathic look. Hermine notice that the teacher seemed really shaken by the situation, by the way, her lip was twisted in an agonized and worried expression. She looked at the director who nodded at her with the usual sparkle in his eyes, even in troubled times. Sometimes Hermione hated that.
"Harry…" Hermione said touching gently in Harry's back that was facing a very pale and sick Ron. He looked like a ghost as if all life were sucked from him.
Harry stood from the chair and hugged Hermione. The embrace felt nice, warm, and familiar, like coming home. Hermione took the liberty to close her eyes, just for seconds, and feel the comfort that her best friend always gave her, but she could not ignore the harsh reality when she opened the eyes and stared at Ron's sick face. She finally surrenders for a minute and let the tears that threatened to break out since she knew what had happened to Ron.
"Is he going to be okay?" Hermione gained the courage to ask, ignoring the cracks in her voice.
"Yes. Of course, Miss Granger." Dumbledore said. "It looks like Ron was accidentally poisoned."
"How can someone be accidentally poisoned?" She said in an overly aggressive tone that she should not when addressing the director.
"The liquor bottle was supposed to be for me." He said, calmly, as if it were just another death threat, he received that day. "It was all a terrible situation, but thanks to Harry, your friend will be fine."
"Just give him a few hours and tomorrow he will be good as new." The teacher gave them a friendly smile. "He will be here all night."
The door to the infirmary opened again, this time even harshly and seconds later a sobbing Lavender appeared running to Ron's side. Since the party, she practically stuck to Ron, following him everywhere he went.
"Oh, Ron" I can't believe it." She said crying. "What the hell did you do to him?" She said looking straight at Hermione.
"Excuse me?" She replied incredulously.
"He always gets hurt when he's with you ... with you both." She said recognizing Harry who was standing next to Hermione, defensively. "He's not like both of you, he's got something to lose. People that love him."
"We are his best friends, you st…." Hermione replied.
"You better go, Lavender." Ginny intervened for the first time. Hermione looked back at her friend, thankful because the words that were coming out of her mouth would make her parents very disappointed. "He's with family, now."
"I'm his friend! I'm not leaving!" She spoke. Ron murmured something. "See! He is calling for me! "She brought her face close to Ron's, sucking all the air around him.
"Ridiculous." Hermione said quietly. Harry looked at her and nodded.
"Her ... Mione." Ron murmured, too low for anyone to hear. Even Dumbledore and the professor approached the scene, with curious eyes.
"What? I can't hear you darling" Lavender said stroking his face with her hand.
"Mione ... Hermione." This time everyone heard him. It was clear who he was calling.
A few seconds later, Lavender finally realized that it was not his name that Ron was calling but Hermione's. Tears streamed down her face and without saying a single word, she ran out slamming the infirmary door on his way out.
"Oh, to be young and feel love's keen sting!" Dumbledore said and left smiling. The teacher looked at the group with a glare and followed the director. "Children." She murmured, more to herself than to her students.
If Hermione could disappear right now, she would. Ron continued to murmur something that resembled her name. Over and over again.
Something fell painfully to the bottom of Hermione's stomach and she knew they weren't actually butterflies. The same ones that she felt for years for Ron and that came and went, as her mood and Ron's fluctuated. Now that a few years have passed between them, Hermione has concluded that compatibility was never exactly the strength of her and Ron's relationship. Something was always in the way, and for a long time she thought it just was not the right time, but now, maybe what had the way was both, who did not want to get into something they were not sure about.
"Hermione … he's calling for you." Ginny reminded her.
Guilt. That is the feeling that is at the bottom of your stomach. Seeing her best friend in her most vulnerable state, admitting any feelings he feels for her, made her feel like the worst person in the world.
"I don't know what to do." She said sincerely.
"Comfort him, Hermione." Harry said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. But why it felt so wrong?
Hermione nodded and sat down next to Ron's bed. He took his sweaty white hand and took it into his own. He looked so fragile to her. Opening his heart in the most vulnerable way possible.
"I'm here." She replied, on the verge of tears. "I'm here, Ron."
Ron opened his eyes slightly, weakly. "I... love you, Mione. I do." He said softly before closing his eyes again. "I….". And then he fell asleep.
Hermione let his hand fall on the sheets again and stood up quickly as if the chair had caught fire. Harry coughed, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation, it felt like he was watching something he was not supposed to.
"Are you okay Hermione?" Harry asked.
Hermione looked at Ginny who did not have the same vague and confused expression as Harry. On the contrary, she seemed to know exactly what Hermione was feeling. The urgency to get out of there.
"I need to get some air. I'll be right back." She said and ran out before anyone offered to go with her.
She walked out without a specific place in mind. She just walked fast, leaving the infirmary behind.
"Hermione! Wait" Ginny said behind her, catching her breath.
"I just need a moment Ginny." She said, feeling suddenly very trapped in her own body.
"Ron probably won't remember what he just said to you out here. He's drugged in some heavy troll shit." Ginny said, smiling a little.
"I know but… I will live with the fact that he loves me. I will have to talk to him at some point."
"I know my brother is a pain in the ass but he really cares about you, Hermione." Ginny said with a confused expression "I'm not choosing any sides, but I really thought you liked him. Since 4th year at least." She said. "I know he said something to you that night at the party. Demanded an answer from you, didn't he? And it was before the whole Lavender thing."
"What are you saying, Ginny? That I must love your brother? We are not kids anymore. Ron's my best friend and I love him dearly, but we are not meant to be together just because we are friends since we were 11!"
"Honestly, Hermione I know you, and you didn't just stop liking Ron just like that. If that were the case, you would have done it already, before all of this."
"Ok, just tell me what you wanted me to say Ginny." Hermione said feeling her temper rise dangerously. "So, I can make everyone fucking happy!"
Ginny looked annoyed at her response. "So, Malfoy is your adult safe bet." She said bluntly.
"What?" Hermione said shouting. She immediately looked around her just in case none of Draco's minions were around. "Did you lose your mind?"
"I just saw you two just minutes ago, holding hands, for fuck sake!" She answers back." Did you really think I didn't notice that you are never with us anymore? You are always in your room that you actually shared with Malfoy."
"He's Head Boy and I'm doing an assignment with him! How can we get that over it if we do not actually do it together? I'm not let Malfoy ruin my grades." Hermione said, half telling the truth, half lying.
"Don't lie to my face Hermione. It doesn't suit you." Ginny said. Hermione just stared at her, waiting for this conversation to be over. But she just could not admit what was going on with Draco. A part of her wanted to hold that to herself, cherish it, enjoy it without the final crash of reality fall upon her, without the judgment of her friends.
"I saw the way he looks at you." Ginny said sincerely and to that Hermione felt her cheeks grown hot. "At classes when you are being your usual self and ignoring everyone. He stares. And not in a creepy way or… hateful way." Ginny said seeming calmer with her own words like she was realizing something just now. "Just in a kind way."
"Ginny…" Hermione tried to explain but she could not. How can she put to words something she could not explain to herself? "It's not what you think but please don't tell the boys."
"Of course, I won't. But why didn't you tell me anything? It's me." Ginny said, clearly hurt.
"Because I don't know what's going on. I really do not. I just… he's not the same and I supposed I'm not either." Hermione remembered their last conversation. "And it doesn't matter anymore."
"What do you mean?" She asked confused.
"C'mon Ginny. Do you really think a guy like Malfoy and me could ever have a chance? We are spearing each other heartbreak or worse." Hermione said, remembering his words. I cannot watch you die because of me, Granger. "So, there's nothing really to tell."
"There's not?" Ginny asked, looking incredulous. "You basically just tell me that you and Malfoy were a thing."
"We are not a thing. We are friends, that is it. We just come to terms that we tolerate each other, in small doses." Hermione said. And kiss each other sometimes. That too. "Are you mad?" Hermione asked fearfully.
"I'm confused that of all people you are friends with Malfoy. Are you sure you are not under a love potion or something?" She asked looking serious.
Hermione smiled. "I promise you, Ginny, I already wondered that myself. And I'm not."
"Well, then. Will you ever tell the boys the truth?" Ginny asked. Hermione had thought about it a hundred times. It felt wrong to be with them and then come back to their room and just hang out with Draco. Talk about a variety of topics with him, while drinking tea or coffee. Discussing classes and the professors. Laugh. Tease him. Offering him help. A way-out that would probably make her some sort of a traitor. She would not blame them if they thought that of her, it felt a betrayal on many levels, especially the one that involved her kissing him. It would break Ron's heart and she would lose all the respect and bond she had with Harry.
"I don't know Ginny." She said honestly. "I don't want to lose any of them."
"I won't say anything but Hermione, they are your best friends probably for life, but you have a life of you own. If you find that Malfoy is worth it, of being in your life, I will not judge you for putting yourself first, or him." Hermione nodded, unsure of what to say. Ginny words were not just something your best friend would say to support your poor choices of boys. It was something more. Was she talking about the times where they would be on a different side of the war? Was Ginny supporting a world in which Hermione choose Draco over her friends, whatever that meant. She would never do that. Would she?
"I'm going back, to see Ron." Ginny said smiling lightly, trying to change the mood of the conversation.
"Fuck, I just remembered that we have that bloody assignment to finish tonight." She said touching her aching head. "If Ron awakes tell him I will be back later in the night. Thank you, Ginny... for everything. "She hugged her best friend.
"I will see you tonight." She responded with a warm smile and left, giving Hermione a last glance before disappearing.
With everything that happened tonight, Hermione had completely forgotten about the task they had to finish, while it was still the full moon. If not, all the work that she and Draco had in the last month would be in vain. Hopefully, he was still in the dorm and they could finish this as soon as possible before time ran out. She could only imagine the disappointment in Snape's face.
Hermione entered the room and immediately called for him, but without receiving an answer. He must have been in the Slytherin dorm. She could go over there and drag him to the room to finish this task. Jesus Christ, the moon was in full capacity, right now would be the perfect time to finish the potion.
Quickly, she went to her room and grabbed some books and notes that would be necessary to make this potion. She was so focused on her organization that she did not hear the bedroom door open and close, only to open it again. Then voices were heard, at first merely whispers but then clear as day. Hermione winced. It was Professor Snape's voice. Why was he in their bedroom? Did he find out they were terribly behind in the potion?
"I don't need a dog behind me." Draco said spitting out practically hate and outrage.
"Calm down now, Draco." Snape responds, in his usually monotonous tone as if it were too hard to move his lips to come out with understandable syllables. "You are being reckless, Draco. This is not the way. I understand that you are under a lot of pressure ..."
Draco laughed sarcastically. "You don't understand shit."
Hermione approached the door to her room, which she thanked herself for closing it behind her, in habit. They were in the living room, just a few steps from her.
"The director is suspicious, as you can imagine he would when he realized someone is trying to poison him." Snape said calmly as if he just had to list facts. "Do you really think the best wizard who ever lived was going to die because a 16-year-old kid tried to poison him?"
Hermione got away from the door like it was burning and she just got hurt. Absolute shook spread to her face. Was she dreaming about this?
"That was a bloody mistake." Draco said between his teeth.
"Which part? The one that almost involves the death of a former colleague?" Snap asked. "Don't think I'm not paying attention, Draco. Was it really a mistake?"
"How was I supposed to know that Weasel was going to drink from that bottle? I handed it to Professor Slughorn." Draco said, trying to keep his voice detached and calm but failing.
Hermione was struggling between opening the door and exposing the whole conversation. Maybe go to Dumbledore office and tell the truth, once and for all. The damn secret she kept about Draco almost killed her best friend. Ron. In a way, she was complicit in all Draco's actions and it made her sick. What would Ron think of her now? And Harry?
There was a silence in the living room. "Where's Granger?" asked Snape.
"In the infirmary." Draco said unbothered.
"Does she suspect of anything?" he asked bluntly.
"What?" Draco asked confused. "What are you implying."
"You shared a room with her, she may have seen or heard something that involves the mission. I would hate for Miss Granger to be involved, we both know they wouldn't spare her."
Draco said nothing right away. Hermione could not see his face but there was a clear pause. "She doesn't know anything. I am not a bloody idiot; I am not spreading out the fucking mission. I know what I am doing."
"Do you, Draco? Really? Because it seems to be that you are just a boy playing with magic for the first time. Being reckless and stupid. Putting people on the line."
Draco laughed coldly. "Isn't that what we do professor? Sacrifice people for the cause? I don't need your lectures about what's right or wrong, you're just as fucked as any of them." Hermione heard steps across the room.
"I made a vow with your mother." Snape said in the same cold voice as nothing could get to him. Just a shallow and creepy man.
"Don't worry professor. You will not have to dirty your precious hands anymore. My death will be my own." Draco said simply. "Is that all?"
"For now." Snape said, merely a whisper, and left. The door closed with a bang and Draco cursed out loud, throwing out something that smashed into little pieces on the floor.
Feeling the anger rise in her, Hermione opened the door, without thinking twice about what she was going to say. Draco stared at her, at first with shock but then an indifference reaches his face like he understood what was coming for him. His eyes said everything. He did this to Ron. Was he ever going to tell her?
"Hermione…" He begins to say. "I don't know what you think you heard but I promise you..."
"Ron almost died because of you, you asshole!" Hermione yelled and grabbed her wand in an instant, facing him against the wall. Memories of 3rd year came into her mind, except this time, she was somehow involved with him, practically responsible for what happened to Ron tonight. She could have stopped him, but she did not.
"That was never my plan!" Draco yelled back, pushing his hair back. "Look…"
"What is your plan then? Kill Dumbledore? Are you really that blind, Draco?"
"I have to. I have no fucking choice." Hermione snorted. "Don't fucking do that!" He said pointing his finger at her. "Don't act all almighty with me, you would do the same for your family in a blink of an eye."
"I wouldn't kill an innocent people!" Hermione said angry with the assumption.
"Oh please. Spare me. You and Potter are just the same. Honestly, you deserved each other." He said hatefully. "Thinking you are better than anyone, with your high moral when it's all lies you tell yourself to feel good. You cannot save anyone Granger. And there will come a day when you must sacrifice something for someone you care about. Sometimes you have to get your hands dirty."
"This can't go on anymore." Hermione said stepping away from him. Draco smiled in a defeated manner, very different from his usual smirk. "Whatever this is."
"Did you finally saw me for what I am, Granger?" He asked approaching her. "I'm not saint Potter. I do what has to be done to protect my family, even if it means to kill some old man." Draco said. "I would sacrifice myself for them and I don't care if this makes me a bad person because, at the end of the day, my mom will be safe and alive."
Hermione just stared at him lost in her own thoughts while his grey ice eyes were carved on her. A part of her hated him deeply at this moment. Hated the fact that Ron could be dead because of him. Hated him for his mission, for being on the wrong side of the war. But another part of her understood him. What would she do if she were in the same position? She would not give up, that is for sure and she would not let her parents die. But would she kill someone to guarantee that? There was even a choice?
"I understand that you have to tell Dumbledore about what you heard." He broke the silence.
"So, I'm now collateral damage?" Hermione said fearing the answer.
"I would never hurt you." He simply said and she knew he was telling the truth.
"Why?" She demanded. "I thought you didn't have morals. I'm just in the way of your fucking mission."
"This has nothing to do with my morals. I won't hurt you, not now, not in the battlefield if that comes to that." Hermione felt grown hot and anxious. "As I said, I would not let you die because of me."
"Of course, only my friends, right?" She answered bitterly.
Draco breathed out loud. He was tired, she could see that by the way, he was curved, merely without any energy to stand. He was always like this, even when they were sitting at the coach, he was just fading away. "I'm sorry, Granger." Draco said looking at her again. "I'm fucking everything up." He smiled, nervously. "Clearly, I'm not made for this task."
"No one is. He's Dumbledore." Hermione whispered. "It's a suicidal mission, you must know that."
Draco nodded like it did not make the difference to him anymore. "He wants to punish my father. That is why I'm doing this. Why I was chosen. Pathetic, right? Because of my father's mistakes, my family will die if I don't do what he wants."
Silence fell upon them. There was no more ignoring or escaping what was going on between them for the past few weeks. Maybe it was her brave and fair side, or maybe it was something else much more complicated, but Hermione was determined to find a way out that did not involve Malfoy's death or detention for life. Was it really that wrong of her? She knew it was in her friend's eyes.
"Let's go talk to Dumbledore, he will understand your side."
"I appreciate the act but it's too late for that. Your friend almost got killed. And I... He would never take me." Draco said sitting in the coach. "Not now."
Hermione stared at Draco who was ignoring her gaze. "What if I came with you?"
"Are you insane?" Draco asked. "Your friends were going to doubt your loyalty. Or kill me in the spot. Or worse, arrest me, and then He would know I betrayed him."
"My word counts for something. Dumbledore trusts me after all these years. I will be with you when you talk with him. I will make him understand and I would not take a no for an answer." She said, sitting at his side, trying to gather all the confidence she did not really have.
"Merlin, you are a pain in the ass." Draco said massaging his eyes. A part of him wished she would just give up on him, let it all rot.
"A pain in the ass that it's trying to save your life." She said obnoxiously. "We will get to your mom, get her to safety."
"How?" Draco asked without a hint of confidence. "The Dark Lord is powerful Hermione, and he's living in the Manor. Having dinner with them, he could kill them both in their sleep."
"You should give the Order a little more credit. We are still standing, aren't we?" She said, trying to look confident. "I know a life of running it's the ideal life but… it's better than to be dead."
"Granger, I tried to kill Ron and…"
"I know." She said right back. And Katie Bell, she thought. "I'm not saying I forgive you. But I won't just stand to watch you kill Dumbledore and starting the war." Hermione said like it was the only real reason she was doing this. Practically risking her friendships for Draco.
"That's it? Just trying to protect the old bat?" Draco asked. He was teasing her, she knows it. He was expecting her to say the other reason why she was doing all of this. Because she wanted to protect him, to keep him safe. Because somehow, along the way, she has grown fond of him. And with the time fond seemed like a small word for all the troubles she was getting into because of him.
Hermione opened her mouth to tell him half the truth at least but she just could not ignore that her best friend was lying in the infirmary because of him.
"The old bat is what's keeping us all together," Hermione said turning away from him.
"Granger…" Draco said. "Do you know what this means right? I'm taking a huge leap of faith in your word and in Dumbledore power to protect my family. If they knew…"
"I know." Hermione said.
Draco wanted her to tell him that she was doing this for him. Not only for the sake of the world but because she cared for him, despite all the fucked up things he did. Draco wanted to hear those words like he never wanted to hear anything. Maybe, in the end, all of this was worth it for something. But he was no fool, he did not deserve any of it. And not her.
Hermione was still feeling unwell, trying to ignore the bile threatening to rise in her throat. She did not even know if she would be able to look in the mirror after doing this. But she had to live with her actions. She avoided looking directly at Draco, for several reasons. Mostly to avoid feeling more guilty than she already did, and not to do something stupid, like feeding even more whatever she has allowed growing in the past few days between them. She was going to help him, prevent a war and that was it. Easy.
"Well, we need to finish that bloody assignment. Ready?" He said, changing the topic. Hermione just nodded and went to her room to grab some things that were required. As she moved away from him, from his presence and from his eyes that begged her for something, she took several deep breaths, trying to recover the breath she had lost since the moment she heard Snape.
In the other room, Draco knew he had lost his only truly way-out.