The next morning, Hermione woke up with something crawling over her arm. At first, she ignored it, it was probably crookshanks licking her arm or resting his furry face on it. She tried to fall asleep, but that sensation only grew bigger, each time closer to her, more painful in a way. She opened her eyes to see the Mark on her arm. But it wasn't just the Mark. It was moving upwards to the rest of her arm, like a spot of black ink that spread too much on the paper. Like some bizarre roots that were growing inside her. She screamed and rubbed her arm violently, a mist of fear and repulsion driving her. After what seemed forever, she let go of her arm. There was nothing there, just the redness of her doing, and small stretches she made with her nails.
Breathe, Hermione.
She got dressed, without even bothering to put some beauty spell on her hair. She did not have the energy and was feeling on edge the entire time, always glancing at her arm, expecting to see something crawling inside of her into the surface for anyone to see. The room sounded quiet, but still, Draco could be outside. Maybe even with Pansy, just to laugh at her. But she had to get out, eventually. With all the courage she had, Hermione opened her door and found the roomy empty. She glanced at his wide-open room, and she could see the messy sheets and the messy clothes on the floor. Something was rising in her stomach. Somehow this place, which became something so comfortable natural for her in the past few weeks, almost like a refugee, now haunted her and she could not stay one more minute.
"Jesus Christ. You scare the shit out of me." Hermione said stumbling into Theo, who was right beside her door.
He smiled at her, with that malicious smile that just made her angrier. She could not deal with him, not now. "Sorry, love. I was looking for Draco." He smiled.
"Not here." She said, trying to sound unbothered.
"Oh, okay." He watched her with some unwelcome intensity that Hermione did not enjoy. "Do you mind if I make you company?" He said.
"To Ancient Runes class?" Hermione asked, surprised.
"To Ancient Runes class, that is." Theo said grinning.
"You're such a weirdo." Hermione said closing the door behind them.
Theo was rambling about something that had to do with his house and about some old artifacts that need some repair, but Hermione could not focus for a bit. She was anxious about the possibility of passing by Draco and Pansy at any time. Maybe find them kissing in some corner, all over each other. Okay, she needed to stop these crazy thoughts and scenarios. Besides, her arm felt warm, and she had this feeling everyone knew she was hiding something underneath.
"Are you listening to me, Granger? I just told you some deep secret and you didn't even react." Theo interrupted her thoughts. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought Gryffindor was all about sharing secrets and having sleepovers where they just talk about how great they were and how brave."
"Not really, sorry. I didn't sleep that well last night." She said, hoping Theo would drop the subject.
"Look, Granger." Theo said seriously, grabbing her arm gently. Hermione immediately pulled off, suddenly feeling something crawl inside her again. She was being paranoid, she knew. Nothing was there. Not a fucking thing. Not the Dark Mark. She was being crazy. Right? She was the rational one, after all. Act rational, Hermione.
"I'm sorry. I need to go." Hermione said leaving Theo behind, who looked just confused as she felt.
Forget Ancient Ruins. She needed to see McGonagall immediately. Surely, she knew what the fuck was happening to her and hopefully give her something to fix this mess. But just as she was near McGonagall's office, Draco appeared right in front of her, looking as uneased as tired as usual, even more, today, like some ghost. Her little ghost. Hermione tried to continue walking, avoiding him, which was a bad and poor attempt to look unbothered. He kept following her until they found an empty corridor after everyone was in their classrooms.
"Granger, wait." He said following her.
Hermione did not stop, she simply glanced back for a few seconds. "I can't right now." She had no idea where this corridor would lead her, which was odd since she knew every single part of this school.
He got hold of her arm and pushed her forward to him, almost to his chest. There was no escaping right now. "Careful, Malfoy. Someone may see you talking with a filthy muddle-blood." She said, spitefully, distancing herself from him, like he was poison.
"Again with that shit?" He said simply staring at her.
"It was fine for you to say things like that for a whole six years and now that you are such a grown and mature person, I can't remind you what you used to say to me on fucking loop." Hermione said angrily. This felt nice. Like something she was holding on to for far too long and it was always in the middle of them. Always lurking between them and she wanted to acknowledge it. Savor it, even. Or maybe, burn it to the ground.
"That's not what I meant, and you know it, Granger." Draco gritted his teeth.
"I don't know what you meant, Malfoy." Hermione said desperately. She was trying hard to ignore the fact that every muscle in her body relaxed, and more importantly, her arm was normal. She didn't need to lift her sleeve to see her arm was just fine, she felt just fine. Except that was the problem. She was not fine, and she was just seeing how wrong everything was. Hermione didn't want to be close to Draco. She preferred to be anywhere else but here, but her body strongly disagreed. Her body was craving for this proximity, for his presence around her, even if it was just for a moment. She felt at ease, for the first time since last night. The more she thought about it, the more she suspects that their initial theory was indeed right, somehow, they were linked to each other, somehow their magic attached, and it was reluctant to be torn apart. Was he feeling the same thing? Was he also going mad each second?
"About last night. I don't know what you think you heard but I can assure you it's not what you think?" Draco said, straight to the point.
"Which is what? What am I thinking, Malfoy?" She said smirking. "Enlighten me."
"That I and Pansy are together. I can assure you we are definitely not." He said it like it was something funny which only made Hermione angrier.
"I'm sorry, I'm just finding it hard to believe it when she was in your room last night, and just a few weeks back I saw her giving you a blow job." Said Hermione sharply.
"It's not that sort of thing, Granger. I promise you. It's just some old stuff that came up."
"Sure, old stuff. Because you two share such a rich past, right?" Hermione said getting tired of this whole conversation. "You know what, I don't think we should continue to be friends or whatever we are, anymore. I will help you with Dumbledore and that's it." Hermione said. "As you said, nothing good could come out of this."
"That's it then? Just go separate ways, because you're imagining things that don't exist between me and her." He said. "I never took you for the jealous type, Granger."
"This is not only about her." Hermione said, honestly. The pain in her arm was coming back to her and she just wanted it to stop. All of it. "It's about that stupid thing you have in your arm. About our fucking past. About the war. I think we got distracted from all of those things, maybe to trying to stop thinking about all the things that hurt and all those things we have to do in the end." Hermione got the courage to look at him, which only made it worse.
"Do you know I can feel every single beat of your heart at this moment?" Draco said, after a long silence staring at the wall. "It's driving me insane. And I know it's about that stupid spell I did, but you can't just tell me goodbye like it was nothing, when I know it's not." Draco said turning his glance at her. "Maybe you are right and we are just a distraction. But Granger." He approached her, grabbing her hand tightly. "Don't leave now. Just not quite yet."
"Are we just prolonging a goodbye, then?" Hermione struggled for words. Once again, she felt torn up between two different paths, two different choices.
"Maybe. Maybe not." Draco simply said, giving her hope, even if it was unrealistic, she wanted to embrace it, to believe in it. To believe in him, in the future that somehow, they would be possible.
"How do you know that we are not just acting and feeling this way because of that spell? Because it wants us together?" This thought was behind her mind, all this time. And truly, she was terrified of the answer. Sure, she was angry about the whole situation of Pansy. And she felt they were approaching yet another dead end and somehow, they need to make another decision about their relationship. To still be there for each other. To be with each other. But what if all of that was just an illusion, something created by magic, that would just disappear into thin air if their bond would be destroyed. What if everything turned back to what used to be. Would she mind? Would she feel sad? Or empty, like she just lost something but could not figure it out, not yet, maybe never.
"I don't know, Granger." Draco muttered and she knew he was thinking the same as her. They simply did not know the answer. They did not know where everything started and got mixed up with that damn effect of the spell.
"We need to find out. We can't continue like this. I'm having these vivid visions about the Mark on my arm, all the time." She finally admitted it and fought the urge to push her sleeve back just to check.
"I'm sorry about that." Draco said touching gently her arm. "I really am."
"I am too." She said glancing at his arm and then at him. "And I'm sorry about what I said last night about the Mark. You don't have to show me, I was just..."
"There's a lot of things between us, and that's one of them. But I'm not ready, not yet. I barely looked it at myself." Draco said looking down. Hermione could not bear seeing him like this. Defeated, broken.
"It's okay, Draco." She said, hugging him tightly. He rested his head on her shoulder and everything felt like it was coming to place. They stood like this for a while, just exiting in this little space in time, where they didn't have to decide about anything.
"I was being honest about Pansy. We're not together. I'm with you." Draco said softly, just for her.
"And I'm with you, Draco." The words were out of Hermione's mouth before she'd planned them, and somehow, she made her choice, once again.