There was something about being home that really helped to mend a broken heart.

My heartbreak was my own fault, and I readily accepted it, but being able to hide within the confines of my childhood home made it somewhat more bearable. My mom hadn't changed my bedroom much over the years. She had taken down some of the photographs that had adorned my walls at my request, but had left some of them up for me to enjoy.

All remnants of Edward and I were erased, and I was equally sad and grateful for that fact. There were pictures of all of us as a group still hung up haphazardly around my room, so it wasn't as if he completely vanished, and I welcomed the memories that came with them. All of us, all six of us, may not have had everything while we were growing up, but we really hit the jackpot when it came to friends. Each of us had been a piece of a puzzle that came together to make something beautiful.

I hadn't even known I was missing my "puzzle pieces" until I had spent a few days in the comfort of my bed, beneath my purple comforter that was heavy enough to keep me huddled away from the outside world until I was ready to once again join civilization. They all knew I was home; well five of them did, to my knowledge. My phone buzzed throughout the day from them as they checked in on me, making sure I was getting though the mess that was my life. Their contact reminded me that even though I had done a terrible thing to Tyler, I wasn't a terrible person. Depending on my mood, which changed from hour to hour, I enjoyed their company. Sometimes, I wanted to wallow, and wallow I did in endless amounts of loathing and self-pity. Other times, I thumbed through my phone and found respite in astonishing levels of retail therapy. Amazon Prime was almost my new fiancé.

I reasoned that the bathing suits I had packed for my trip to Mexico would not suffice for a winter in Washington, and since my arrival in Forks was a few weeks ahead of schedule, I had two choices: have Tyler comb through my closets and drawers to find clothes and then have him ship them to me, or do a little shopping from the hideout I called my bed. I had opted for the latter, deciding that I had caused enough trouble in Tyler's life for the time being. Realistically, I couldn't hide in Forks forever but I at least needed enough to wear between now and the wedding before heading back to New York to mend what was left of my life back there.

Despite my best efforts of ensuring my only human interaction was between myself and UPS, I wasn't able to be completely alone.

My dad hovered, afraid that he would say the wrong thing and send me back into a puddle of tears. Not going to lie, there had been a lot of tears in the three days since I had returned home to Forks, and the poor guy had no idea how to console his adult daughter through this particular crisis. Granted he had had trouble surviving my teenage years as well, but this time it was almost comical. He had been the first one to make me laugh through my tears with his awkward but well-meaning attempts to keep me afloat.

Mom, on the other hand, apparently believed that the remedy of a broken heart was through my stomach. I don't think I had ever seen her in the kitchen as much as she had been since I made my way through the front door. Anything I wanted, she would find a way to make it for me. While I appreciated the gesture, my appetite was nowhere near the quantity of her cooking. Homemade chicken noodle soup was my preferred source of sustenance, and it appeased my mom enough for the time being.

In between bowls of soup, she would crawl into my bed beside me, and just listen.

She listened to everything I said and didn't say, not offering many words but just enough for me to know that while her heart went out to Tyler, ultimately my decision was hers to support.

"What do you think will happen with Edward? Now that you're home?"

It was late at night and I was in the middle of another Friends marathon on Netflix when my mom sat down on my bed next to me and asked me. It was a loaded question, and the nonchalance in which she asked it made me uneasy.

"I have no idea, Mom." I sighed and sat up in bed, pausing the screen and adjusting the blankets around me. "We did see each other at that party that one time the first summer I was home." I cringed now in bed thinking of that party and how awkward it was when I saw him. Nothing had happened, and we were cordial while in the same room, but we could barely look at each other, let alone talk to each other and discuss what had happened between us.

"Ah, yes. I remember now." My mom paused to blow into her cup of tea, the scent of lemon twinging the air around me.

"And we're friends on Facebook so it's not like we're enemies."

"Enemies, no. But friends?"

I paused to think for a moment and shook my head. "Not friends. More like acquaintances. That is if it's possible to be acquaintances through the world of social media." We were lurkers on Facebook, and I didn't think he had an Instagram account. I never bothered to link us through another social media avenue. Seeing his infrequent updates through Facebook had been enough for me. Every now and then we would 'like' some type of activity of each other's but that was where the communication stopped.

"You know more about that world than I ever could," Mom dismissed, waving a hand in the air towards my words. I laughed, remembering her attempts at learning AIM back when I was in college. What a nightmare that had been.

Mom continued, lifting up the covers and sliding into my bed next to me. She took another sip of her tea, lost in thought. "It isn't like Edward to be - "

"An asshole?" I interrupted.

Mom laughed. "Well, yeah, I guess that's a colorway to put it." She looked over at me with a slight smile. "Colorful, but accurate."

I thought for a moment and shook my head. "No, he isn't. Or wasn't. I don't know much about him now." It was true. I had matured a lot in the ten years we had been apart, so I could only assume that he had done the same. "The Edward I knew back then would shelf his own anxieties to avoid anyone else being uncomfortable. He wouldn't ruin Jasper's wedding day just because of what happened between us."

We sat comfortably in silence for a few moments before she reached for my hand. "What do you want to happen with Edward?"

I sighed in defeat, removing my hand from her grasp to hold a small pillow in my hands, tossing it back and forth to the beat of my thumping heart. "I haven't even let myself think that far ahead yet, to be honest."

"You wouldn't break off an engagement for something you haven't thought about at least once," Mom scoffed, her eyes telling me that she knew more than what I was willing to admit.

I stared at the ceiling and huffed at the tears that blurred my vision. I wiped them away with the tissue my mom handed me, turning my body towards hers so I was sitting up and facing her.

"It took me so long to get to a point where I wasn't thinking about him every day. Every now and then something would remind me of him or us and I would remember just how hard it was to forget him. I kind of just told myself that he would always be a part of me, whether I liked it or not." I sniffled softly, thinking of all the little things in New York that somehow made me think of him. Ice skating at Rockefeller Center. Spring in Central Park. "It wasn't until Alice and Jasper got engaged that I realized just how much I missed him. So I spent the last year just pushing it all away – the memories, the what ifs."

Mom reached for my hands again, this time both of them, and this time I let her hold them. "A year is way too long for you to carry that burden by yourself." I watched her eyes fill with worry and she shook her head slowly in disbelief. "I wish you would have told me or someone else sooner."

I could have. I should have. But that meant admitting something that I wasn't ready to face yet.

Shaking my head, I added, "I couldn't put words to thoughts I shouldn't even have been feeling in the first place. I was engaged!" I pointed towards the ring that sat on my nightstand next to my bed, reminding me of all the damage I had done. "I was engaged to a great guy who did nothing other than love me while I was thinking of my high school boyfriend who broke my heart."

I hated myself for thinking these thoughts about a guy that I should hate. I wondered if I had, at any point, hated Edward.

"Were you waiting for any of this to make sense? To seem fair?" My mom chuckled quietly, not in a mean way, but in a way that let me see the ridiculousness of what I was asking of the situation.

"Maybe I was," I agreed.

"I think you know by now that not everything is fair, or even sensible." I allowed myself a few minutes to absorb what she was saying. Certain situations weren't supposed to make sense, weren't supposed to be easy, and weren't supposed to be fair. I knew that I shouldn't want anything to do with Edward anymore, but I couldn't deny what I felt any longer. "Want to know what I think?"

"Lay it on me." I motioned for her to continue.

She moved so she was sitting up next to me, placing my head on her shoulder. I didn't realize how much my body craved her healing touch. "I think that we wouldn't be having this conversation if seeing Edward was going to be an easy thing to do."

"I know it's not going to be easy." Understatement of the year.

"I think you know why, as well."

"I think that part of me that never let me think about Edward finally collapsed. All of a sudden I was thinking about him all the time. And then when Tyler proposed…" I trailed off, my head falling off of her shoulder, my chin touching my chest.

Lifting my head up, I went on, "Marriage felt so permanent. It made the thought of Edward and I completely obsolete." Edward and I had always been together, in one way or another. I guess I had thought, even subconsciously, that one day we would be together again, and the ring I had worn on my finger and the question that I had said yes to ultimately got in the way of Edward and I and together again.

So I panicked.

"So that brings me back to my question."

"What do I want to happen between Edward and me?"

My mom nodded. "You may not be ready to come out and say it but it sounds like you aren't ready to close the door on you and Edward."

My mind and emotions were all over the place. I groaned in frustration and threw my hands up in the air. "Maybe I'm not. Maybe this is all something I made out to be bigger than it really is. But what I do know is that Edward left my driveway that night ten years ago without a glance goodbye and I still have so many questions that I've never gotten answers to." My voice had risen loud enough to potentially wake up my dad down the hall. I quieted. "Maybe I don't want to go down that road again with him but maybe I can't be with Tyler until I have the answers from Edward."

"Do you expect Tyler to wait for you while you figure it out?"

I shook my head wildly. "Of course not! I would never expect that from him."

"Does Tyler know about Edward?"

"Bits and pieces. Not in great detail but enough to know that he was a big part our lives."

"I wish I can clean this all up for you, Bells." She smiled weakly at me and handed me another tissue, brushing my hair back from my face. I laughed as her finger tangled in a knot and her responding glance that reminded me that I should probably get back into the habit of showering more often. "I'm your mom. That's what we do," she said, kissing me on the head, "but I can't. I can only help you when you need it."

"I know, Mom." I let her lean us back onto the pillows of my bed. I cuddled up next to her like I had done countless times a kid. "Thanks."

"Always, baby. Here. I made you some cookies." She reached over next to her tea and handed me a plate. "What are we watching?"

-tr-

It was three days after having the talk with my mom when it happened. I was home for a total of six blissful days before reality slapped me in the face.

I was meeting Alice and Rose for lunch in Port Angeles. It was the first day of February and the wedding was two weeks away. Last minute items on the agenda were being ticked off one by one. I paid a small fortune but I was able to have my dress shipped here to Forks, much to Alice's appreciation. We were scheduled for our final alterations in a week's time, and Alice had asked us to join her for hers, as well. She had just finalized payments and arrangements with the florist when our phones lit up the table at the same time, all of us looking curiously towards the illuminated screens. If it wasn't any one of us, who else would be talking to us all at the same time?

It was Emmett.

He had messaged us all through Facebook Messenger, each of our faces appearing within the group chat. Emmett. Rose. Alice. Jasper. Me.

Edward.

My heart leapt into my throat at seeing his name and face in such close proximity to my own. Flustered, I put my phone away into my jacket pocket and took a sip of water. It was twenty degrees outside and suddenly I felt like I was living on the sun.

"Are you okay with this?" Alice asked worriedly, hesitant to reply back to Emmett and now Jasper's responses in the chat. I was still stunned, even though I had tried to mentally prepare myself for these kinds of moments for the last six days.

I raised my shoulders up, pointing to the table where both of their phones still remained untouched. The table vibrated one after another as Emmett and Jasper carried on casually while I wished I could bury myself in the fireplace that set along the back wall of the restaurant. "What choice do I have? It's happening." I shook my head quickly, as if erasing my momentary minute of insanity, "No, I'm fine. This is fine."

Rose eyed me curiously before shaking her head and laughing, throwing a fry at me in the process. "You look the exact opposite of fine."

"How am I supposed to look?" I hissed, taking the fry she threw at me off of my lap and throwing it back at her, this time making sure it landed in the long blonde edges of her hair.

"Stop, shh. She looks fine," Alice intervened, looking around as if we were criminals. "What should I say?"

"Has he said anything?" We all knew who he was. No need to actually say his name, in my mind equating him to Beetlejuice. If you say his name, he will come!

Rose peered into her phone and shook her head free of any more errant French fries. "No. Not yet."

"What did Emmett say?" I couldn't bring myself to look at my phone just yet, preferring to flag down our waitress and ask her for tequila.

"Ya know, it's not a crime to take your phone out and read the conversation," Rose joked. Full of jokes today, she was.

I watched Alice's eyes scan the chat before placing her phone back down on the table between us. "He wants us all to go out before the wedding. As a group."

"Like old times," Rose said, excitedly. Rose and Emmett had broken up a long time ago in college but had remained friends since, every now and then crossing that line between friends and more but always reverting back to friends. They lived in different cities and while the distance was no more than an hour, being friends was what they ultimately agreed on. They gave me hope that Edward and I could one day be friends again, as well. But that meant actually talking to him first.

I felt my phone vibrate again in my jacket pocket, and with a whispered fuck, I took it out and placed it back on the table in front of me.

"Do it, Bella. Rip it like a Band-Aid."

I exhaled loudly, absentmindedly reaching for a fry off of my plate in a daze. Alice pulled me back in.

"You have to come out with us."

"Did you decide when?

"Is your schedule all of a sudden filled?" I threw another fry at Rose.

"Hey bitch, whose side are you actually on?"

Alice ignored Rose and me with a smile, shake of her head, and roll of her eyes. "We decided tomorrow at Bill's. 9:00."

"Edward, too." Rose added, pointing to the chat. She shoved my shoulder. "It's your turn, Bella."

With a groan and a little too much friendly façade, I responded, I'll be there!

Cue panic.

-tr-

It wasn't how I wanted to see Edward for the first time. I wasn't sure how I envisioned it exactly but at a loud, noisy bar full of a bunch of old classmates was just not it. I had spent the last twenty four hours glued to my phone, chiming in to the group chat whenever necessary in an attempt to prove that Edward and I's upcoming reunion was just another day, and not another chance. Edward and I hadn't specifically spoken to one another, just replied to the group as a whole and to no one person in particular. I took relief in knowing that at least our meeting wouldn't be a surprise. The anticipation of seeing him was absolutely killing me but at least I had time to prepare myself.

I tried to keep my anxiety at bay when I was around my parents, but in actuality, the last twenty four hours had me questioning every piece of clothing I had in front of me on my bed, every hairstyle I had ever attempted, every ounce of ridiculously priced make up I had ever purchased. I didn't want to look like I had spent the whole day leading up to 9:00 getting ready but I also didn't want to treat it as if it were nothing. Even I couldn't convince myself it was nothing.

At a quarter to nine I made my way down the stairs, peering through the curtains in the living room to see if Rose and Alice were there yet. I was indebted to Rose when she offered to be DD; I had doubts that I would be able to survive the night without copious amounts of alcohol. They were supposed to be there any minute and I was as ready as I was ever going to be.

"How are you getting home?" My dad called out from the recliner in the living room, his voice making me jump away from the windows. In my haste to get the night over with I hadn't even seen him sitting there.

I walked a few feet over to the couch and plopped down next to him, "Rose. Or if things change I'll call an Uber, Dad."

He shook his head and put the remote down on the coffee table noisily. "Now Bella, you know all those stories about Ubers these days. Just give me a call and I'll – "

I stopped him right there. "I'm not even going to let you finish that sentence," I say, remembering the time he offered to pick us up from the movies when we were in middle school and he came in the police cruiser. Mortified wasn't even close.

"It's not like the city, Bells. You can't just go to a bar and walk home."

"I trust you," Mom said, ignoring my father and sitting down next to me with a basket of laundry.

"It's not her I don't trust. It's everyone else," Dad threw out his hands, motioning towards the whole town of Forks through our front window. "There are a lot crazy drivers out there late at night."

"Just let him be. He hasn't been able to be this Dad in a long time," Mom whispered, loud enough for Dad to hear but with a smile on her face. She was right, in a way. I had spent most of my years drinking legally in New York, far away from under my father's roof. He had spent the years here in Forks worrying from afar but now that it was happening, the Chief of Police felt helpless in a town he had sworn to keep safe. I saw a flash of light against the wall, indicating that Alice and Rose had arrived. Bending down to give them each a kiss on their cheek, I gave my dad an extra squeeze on his shoulder with a promise to be safe.

"The girls are here. I'll be back later. Love you!"

It was below freezing, the grass a long lost thought beneath a week's old snow. I bundled myself deep within my scarf, opening the door to slide into the backseat and into the warmth of the car.

"What did you decide on?" The girls had spent many a minute FaceTiming with me throughout the day as I literally tossed around outfits to wear.

I shook my head in annoyance at myself. "Just jeans and a black shirt." It wasn't just a black shirt, I admit. It was a cold shoulder, soft flowing black with black lace trim along the edges. I figured it was the Forks winter equivalent of the LBD.

"Nice touch with the boots," Rose added, her eyes leaving the road briefly as she pulled down my street. "And you smell amazing."

"Not too much?"

"Nope. I give you a 12/10. If Edward doesn't take you to bed, I will."

"Don't say that to the guys. Just the image will have them convincing Edward to ignore you just so it could happen," Alice retorted, all of us laughing like we usually did.

Glimpsing at the black boots that zipped snuggly up to my mid-calf, I shivered in nervousness. "We'll see. It is February in Forks, after all. The possibility of me falling in front of Edward is not out of the realm of possibility."

"You okay?" Rose was always good at breaking the tension, always the comic relief, but I knew from the way she asked that she was genuinely concerned for my well-being.

"Not really but I'm pretty good at bullshitting my way through things that make me uncomfortable."

"You can't bullshit a bullshitter," Rose added.

"Okay…" I trailed off, thinking of a different route. " Fake it til I make it?"

"No shame in the game," Alice quipped from the front seat.

We laughed and sat quietly for a minute. "Thanks, guys. Really."

"You'll be fine, Bella. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Um, he could hear me!"

"Maybe we should count how many Friends references Bella can make in one night."

"Probably a lot considering I've been binging Netflix for the past week."

The rest of the ride was spent with us bantering back and forth among each other in an attempt to keep my unease at bay. It worked until we pulled into the parking lot and I saw that it was packed full of cars, people milling in and out on the outside heated patio and inside the bar. I could hear the music playing in the background of the cold night, a soundtrack to a night that I would always remember, regardless of whether it ended up being a good memory or a bad one.

How many times does someone get a second chance?

I wasn't sure what type of second chance I was thinking of or hoping for.

But it didn't matter.

Nothing mattered.

When Edward Cullen walked through that door, I swear that nothing on this earth mattered to me anymore. Not second chances, not heartbroken fiancées, not black boots with heels that could kill me with one misplaced step.

He walked in the room smiling, laughing with the guy he walked in with, but he stopped laughing when his eyes met mine from across the bar. He didn't freeze, but I watched him visibly slow in his stride, watched him reach up to remove the gray wool scarf from around his neck and hang it on the hook near the door. He reluctantly tore his gaze away from me, allowing me a few seconds to gather myself off the floor.

I was done.

Completely done.

Time had been on Edward Cullen's side. If I thought he was amazing to look at in high school, there were no adequate words for what I was looking at now. Copper hair a perfect level of messy but not lazy. Dark jeans. Black jacket. Pink cheeks from the winter air.

He hung his jacket on the hook with his scarf, patted the guy on the back in farewell, and headed our way. Luckily, the girls and Emmett and Jasper were looking at the bar food menu with our backs to us, somehow the universe allowing this to happen without an audience.

For all I knew, they were all well aware of what was happening but had the decency to pretend to be oblivious to the encounter going on behind them.

He continued his walk over to our group, a closed mouth smile adorning his face, his arms open in a friendly hug.

I didn't hesitate to slide one arm around his waist, feeling every inch of his arm around my shoulder as he pulled me into a friendly, completely acceptable one armed embrace. My body remembered every fiber of his touch as if it were yesterday. Like riding a bike, I didn't forget.

"I can't believe you're here," Edward said once we had pulled away, turning to face one another the best we could in the crowd. The band was between sets and though it was loud, I was able to hear him without him screaming.

"I can't believe it myself," I replied, taking a sip of the drink Alice had gotten me. I had no idea what it was but it became my clutch to the universe.

He shook his head in disbelief and flagged down the bartender who nodded in his direction, apparently knowing Edward's order by memory. He looked back over to me, his green eyes bouncing off the amber lighting of the bar. "Is it like you remembered?"

I knew he was referencing Forks and being home again after so long. "Pretty much. Tall green trees and snow everywhere."

He got his drink from the bartender and tipped his beer forward. With our glasses about to clink, Emmett's voiced interrupted the pending well wishes.

"Hey now! Wait for us!"

I watched as all four heads turned our way, smiles beaming on all six of our faces as if the unspoken missing puzzle piece had slid its way into its final resting spot.

I should have known it would be this easy. I should have known that even though Edward and I had been through some hard times, it had also been as easy as breathing when it came to us. I should have remembered how we could speak without words. I should have remembered so many things but in order to move on, to move forward, I had needed to box it up and put it away.

But as all six of our drinks clinked together, I knew then that that box was blown wide open and it was pointless to try to pick up all the scattered pieces. I just had to let them scatter, let the mess fall where it may, and just move on to another box.

Whatever box that may be.

I spent the next hour laughing and reminiscing with friends that were family. Girls that were sisters, boys that were brothers, one boy who was something else, and had always been something else, entirely. I wondered how I had spent so long away from them across the country. I wondered how I thought that living without them all was even a possibility.

"Can I tell you something?" Edward shouted a while later in my ear, the band playing again. His head dipped closer to mine so we could hear each other. I pretended not to notice how he smelled and willed myself not to sniff him.

"Yeah, sure."

"This is not how I wanted this to be," He motioned towards us, and I nodded in agreement.

"No? How so?"

I watched him look around, his hand going to the back of his neck in nervousness. "Can we get some coffee or something?"

Absolutely. I nodded at him and waited to answer him until he was done putting his beer on the table and tossing some cash towards the bartender. "That sounds fun. When?"

"Now."

"Now?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Let's go."

See you soon!