"I think it's perfect," Alice remarked as we stood behind Rose at the store for our dress alterations, admiring all three of her reflections in the mirrors surrounding us. "Not an inch out of place!"
The excitement in Alice's voice was contagious, and I felt the uncontrollable urge to pile on to her enthusiasm.
"You look amazing, Rose," I added, moving from my spot behind her to stand in front of her face to face. Alice could have picked out the tackiest dress in the world and somehow Rose would have managed to make it look great, but this dress absolutely captured Alice's vision that she had imagined in her head since she was a little girl.
Rose and I wore matching dresses, long and black, tapered at the waist and puckered to the bottom. Flattering to any body shape, size, and height, it was the perfect winter wedding dress to pair with the black shawls we were to wear to fight against the cold. Black shawls, black gown, and red roses against a winter white background of gray skies and white snow would make for perfect outdoor wedding pictures.
So Alice said.
I couldn't argue with her as the image painted a beautiful picture in my own mind, as we watched Rose step off and away from the mirrors. She turned to look at Alice, smoothing her hands down the front of her dress and stopping at her waist before the dress gently ballooned to the floor.
"Pass inspection?" Rose asked, a smile evident in her voice. She reached down to lift up the bottom of her dress so Alice could inspect the black heels we had picked out to match the dress. The dress had been altered to rest perfectly just beneath the start of the heel, and it looked as if Rose's alterations had been done to perfection.
"So far!" Alice squealed, and turned to look in my direction, pointing both of her fingers at me and then towards the dressing room behind me. "Bella's turn!"
"Should I practice sitting down in it?" I heard Rose ask before I disappeared behind the door, shutting it softly behind me with a chuckle. I looked around the room and exhaled when I saw my dress waiting for me on a delicate hook on the wall. It was out of the plastic, standing stark in its black beauty against the crisp white walls. I walked up to it, reaching my hand out to slide the silky fabric between my fingertips, flashing back to the time when I was in a dressing room in New York, Face Timing Alice after my dress had first arrived. It seemed like yesterday and a lifetime ago at the same time, thinking of how so much had changed since then, and how some things hadn't changed at all.
The fact that when my phone vibrated from my back pocket and the name that popped up on my screen said Edward and not Tyler was a major change. The fact that Edward and I had reconnected, seamlessly, as if no time had been lost, proved that some things really hadn't changed at all.
I was past the point of denying those butterflies that came every time we spoke, whether it were through the phone or in person while we continued with the renovations of The Rec. A fact that wouldn't leave my mind was that in some way, shape, or form, Edward and I were constantly talking.
I could be juggling a million things in my hands and the truth would be that I would drop them all in a heartbeat when it came to Edward.
How's the fitting going?
As if he knew that I had been thinking about him again, Edward's text vibrated again in my back pocket before I answered him back quickly before I began changing out of my clothes and into the awaiting dress.
Getting in the dress now.
Pic?
He inserted a flirty emoji on the end.
It's halfway on!
I had the dress pulled up to my waist, and put my phone down to hold the dress in place over the cups I had added in to avoid me spending the night fixing a strapless bra that refused to stay in place. I left the back open, waiting for Maggie, our consultant, to knock on the door again to help zip me back together.
Edward had responded and I reached over towards my phone again to answer.
Can't say no to that kind of a pic.
Rolling my eyes with a scoff, I texted him and put my phone back down at the sound of Maggie's knock on the door. Typical guy.
I debated actually sending him a picture, eventually deciding not to. I slid my feet into the black matching heels, grabbed my phone, and stepped out into where Rose, Alice, and Maggie were waiting for me.
"Wow," Alice breathed, moving closer for further examination and seeming just as pleased to see me in the dress as she was with Rose. "Two for two!"
As Maggie finished zipping me up in the back, I looked into the mirror and agreed with Alice once again. It fit perfectly, like a glove, and I was surprisingly comfortable with every move I made. Maggie hustled around me, looking into every angle to make sure that the bride would be pleased with her choice and their work.
Looking at Alice's face said it all.
"Is it like you thought it would be?" I asked her reflection as she gazed upon mine in the mirrors around us.
"Even better," she beamed at me, embracing me in a satisfying hug.
"Come practice sitting," Rose called over from the small couch in the corner, and I took my time stepping down off the small platform in front of the mirrors. I had gotten used to wearing heels from working in the city and while I had definitely improved my balanced over the years, I was far from mastering the art of wearing heels with ease.
Shockingly, I made it to the edge of the couch without any casualties. I looked over at Rose before plopping down next to her.
"Have you tried practicing throwing up into the toilet?"
Rose hit me on the arm. "Hey, it's my best friend's wedding," she paused briefly, "I don't plan on that happening this time."
Rose scooted over for me, arranging herself into the corner of the couch. I didn't have any trouble breathing in the dress, surprisingly, as the form fitting dress molded and began getting acquainted to my body shape. In forty eight hours, we would make our big debut at the wedding, so we needed some time to get to know one another to avoid any public embarrassment.
As Rose and I practiced maneuvering ourselves into different positions with our dresses, Alice and Maggie called over to us.
"It's the bride's turn," Maggie said, excitedly taking Alice by the arm and bringing her into the room that I had come out of. Rose and I jumped up quickly from the couch, impressed with our jumping skills our dresses provided.
"I'm going to leave her untied in the back to show you how to lace her up," Maggie said before shutting the door behind them.
Rose nodded and we flopped back down on the couch in excited exhaustion.
"I can't wait to see her!" I exclaimed.
"I can't wait for you to make your phone stop shaking this whole couch," Rose remarked, lifting one side of her to slide my phone out from beneath her. "Don't keep the poor boy waiting."
Laughing, I took the phone from her and opened it up to find Edward had sent at least five different texts all in the form of begging for a damn picture. Giggling, who giggles? Me, apparently, I roll my eyes and give in, taking a quick selfie from the neck up. Not giving anything away but just hopefully satisfying the guy enough.
"Giving him one for the spank bank?" Rose didn't look up from her own phone but still managed to catch me in the act in the way only a best friend could.
"Intriguing thought," I muttered, looking back at the picture I sent to see if it was worthy of such a treasured place.
"So it's like that, huh," she said, impressed enough to put her phone down and lean back into the couch, propping one arm up on the couch between us. The only thing missing between us were bottled beers to complete the picture.
"I think so?" I replied with a question in my voice. I shrugged my shoulder. "Something is there."
Rose rolled her eyes and reached down to the coffee table in front of us and picked up a bridal magazine, beginning to thumb through it as we waited for Alice to come back out. "Something has never left, Bella. You can't possibly think that Edward ever got over you."
"It's possible," I countered, not allowing myself to give myself over to hope completely just yet, even though all the signs were there.
"Yeah. Sure. The same way that you got over him, right?" She tossed the magazine back onto the table, apparently over it. "You may have moved on with Tyler, but you never got over Edward."
If that weren't true than I would be eyeing the wedding dresses that adorned the magazine between us, but it was a truth no one could deny. Dreaming of saying yes to Edward on the same night that I had said yes to Tyler did not go unnoticed to me or my conscience.
"Tell me I'm not a bad person," I practically whispered, my eyes squeezing shut out of guilt. I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. It only lasted a second or two before Rose pulled me back on the couch and forced me to look at her.
"Do I actually have to say the words?"
I nodded fervently, "To reassure me, yes. Please!"
Rose reached over and grabbed my hands and held them tightly, as if her words would seep through the grasp of our hands and into my stubborn brain. "You're not a bad person," she repeated. "In fact, I think you're a person that is finally, finally, about to get what she's always wanted." Rose's smile was always certain, and I was comforted by the promise in her voice.
My vibrating phone broke us apart and Rose rolled her eyes again with a smirk. Of course it was Edward, and he had sent a GIF of a guy fainting at his seeing the selfie I had taken and sent to him a few minutes before.
"Are we ready?" Maggie's voice interrupted the quiet of the room, her head peeking out from behind the door.
"Yes!" we shouted in excitement, now experts at maneuvering ourselves in our gowns, and we walked quickly over to the mirrors.
"Come on out, Al," Rose called out towards the dressing room. A moment later, the door widened and Alice emerged, the smile on her face almost blinding us as she came into view.
"Oh, Alice…." Were the only words that I could muster, my hand coming to my mouth in awe. Alice had gotten her makeup trial earlier in the day, and seeing her in her gown had made it officially real.
My best friend had grown up on me. A part of me tinged with sadness on the inside, thinking that I had lived across the country and we had grown up apart.
Tossing those thoughts aside, I spent the next few minutes staring at the woman before me, transformed by a simple and slim white gown. Her dress was pure white, diamond white, and the silver embellishments that belted her waist caught the reflection of the lights above us and sprinkled its beauty across the room around us. Her dress flared out after her knees, completing the mermaid look that she had always wanted.
"I don't even know what to say," Rose squeaked, her hand resting on her throat.
"Rose is speechless. That tells you something," I leaned in to Alice.
"Here, let me show you how to do the laces," Maggie interrupted, and Rose followed behind her to listen and watch so we would be able to help her the morning of the wedding.
"Jasper is going to lose his shit," I said to Alice, standing next to her. We faced the mirrors and gazed at her reflections together.
"Good!" We laughed and then I watched Alice grow silent. I let her lose herself in the moment before I stepped in.
"You okay?"
She nodded in the mirror. "Perfect. So completely perfect, Bella." Squeezing my hands, she continued, shaking her head in disbelief. "It's really happening."
"Are you ready?"
"I can't wait."
-tr-
"So where is it now?"
It was later that evening and Edward and I were sitting on the floor in The Rec, staring at the largest wall in the whole place. We had spent the last several hours painting and we were happy to say that we had completed the largest and final thing to be painted. Over the course of the week Edward and I had tackled the task of painting The Rec with unmatched fervor. Each room and color had been chosen with a purpose, and I let Edward be the one to make those decisions. It was his vision, his dream, and I was merely along for the ride, living vicariously through his journey of self-validation. Emmett and Jasper had popped in several times to join in as well, now that the heat had finally been turned on, and watching The Rec transform before my own eyes was something that I was not going to ever forget.
I was so busy admiring our hard work that Edward had to nudge my arm to remind me where I was. I shook my head back out of the clouds.
"Hanging up behind my bathroom door. Mom is going to steam iron it tomorrow morning," I answered, turning and still remaining in my criss cross position so I could see him better. What a sight he was. With a black backwards hat and a white tee shirt covered with paint, it was a sight that my eyes craved to feast on.
"Steam iron?" He looked at me quizzically.
I nodded. "Yeah, for wrinkles."
"A regular iron wouldn't work?" He took his hat off to shake out the hair beneath it, and I momentarily forgot to breathe. My breath returned to me when he placed his hat upon his head again, hiding his bronzed hair from my eyes even though the mental image still left me flushed.
"Not at all," I laughed, picturing a regular iron being used on my dress with all the tulle hidden beneath the satin layers. "Get your tux yet?"
Edward shook his head and got up off of the floor to place the empty cans of paint on the outside deck. He called out over his shoulder as he slid the sliding glass door open. "Getting it tomorrow afternoon after work."
I shook my head and laughed. "You mean right before the rehearsal dinner?"
"Not right before, exactly." He pretended to sound offended.
"Close enough," I said, tossing an unused brush towards him near the door. He caught it expertly and returned it with the rest of the brushes. I stood up, stretching in my skin, and joined him by the patio. He opened the door, and motioned for me to step out. He followed me and leaned against the failing rail.
"Tomorrow morning we have our mani/pedi appointment," I said, sitting down on the cold step that lead to the grass and open fields behind The Rec. The soccer field where we all first met loomed in the distance. "Then I have to go home, help Alice finish ironing the bows for the chairs at the reception, then get ready for the rehearsal dinner."
"Steam iron?"
I giggled and shoved him playfully. "I'll have to wrestle it out of my Mom's hands," I joked. "She loves that thing."
"How will the chair bows get to the reception?"
"There will be a wedding consultant from the reception hall that will be at the rehearsal tomorrow night." I moved a little to make room for Edward on the step. His arm accidentally brushed mine and made me hot like the summer sun despite it being below freezing here in Forks. "She'll just take them from me tomorrow night."
"How are you getting there? To the rehearsal?"
"Figured I would borrow my Mom's car," I replied, shivering against the rising wind.
"I can take you. If you'd like," he offered with a smile, and I returned it in kind.
"You sure it's not a problem?"
"Not at all," he said so surely that it made me melt.
"Okay, then. Thanks."
"What time do we need to be there by?"
"Well, rehearsal starts at 6:30 and our dinner reservation is at 7:45, so Alice wants to make sure we make the most out of time to 'rehearse'."
"So I should pick you up by 6?"
"5:30?"
"That gives me just enough time to change into my clothes at red lights," he laughed, his smile reaching the corners of his eyes.
"5:45?"
"I think I can manage."
"Floors look great," I said a little while later as I was packing up my things to go. I was meeting Rose and Alice at a Paint n' Sip in town and had to leave soon, even though I so badly wished I could spend as much time with him as I could.
"I can't believe we got it done. Between the heat and the walls, the floors were the last thing I thought I was going to finish before the wedding," Edward agreed, eyeing the finished floors with awe and astonishment.
"Did you have the wedding as some sort of deadline or something?"
He shook his head. "No, not really." I sensed his hesitation so I pressed on.
"What is it?"
We were standing by the door, getting ready to walk out to my car. Edward settled his jacket onto his shoulders and shook his head in an attempt to brush it past us.
"It's nothing. Stupid, really."
"You know you can tell me anything," I said, reaching for his hand before I realized I was doing it. He took a look down at our hands and smiled softly.
"I know." He sighed, and when he looked up at me, I knew I had won. "The wedding isn't a deadline. I just know that after the wedding is over, you won't have a reason to stay for much longer after that. I wanted you to be able to see as much of this place as you could before you had to go back."
The thought of leaving was beginning to gnaw at me, a slow growing feeling of dread that started in my stomach and made its way up to my throat. I batted it down a little more each day but it had started to crawl so far up my stomach and into my throat that I was beginning to taste it.
Since being candid was starting to become Edward's new thing, I decided to open up as well. Well aware of his hands still enclosed with mine, I looked away from the penetrating emerald haze of his eyes and looked down towards the floor.
"The thought of leaving is becoming harder to think about, I'll admit that."
He loosened his grip on my hands, but kept his fingers trailing on the top of my hands, between my fingers, underneath my palms.
"Have you thought of staying?" His voice was low and spoke in tones of temptation.
"It's crossed my mind," I answered honestly. "I mean, it would make sense to stay. My parents are here. My friends are here; you're here. "He stopped tracing my hands at those words and smiled, removing his hands and placing them in his pockets. "All of my things are back in New York."
"Just things? No people?"
"A few." Tyler. Tia. A couple of other work friends that I had spoken to a handful of times since I had been back home. "But not like the people here.
In the few weeks that I had been home, I had been filled with a sense of belonging that I didn't know I had sorely needed. I felt relaxed. I felt like I had never left, especially when I was lost in laughter with Emmett and the rest of our crew. It was more than just little moments of Edward holding my hand or smearing more paint on my arm or something. It was being able to hear the sound of Mom's teapot on the stove or see Dad's slippers next to the couch. It was having Rose or Alice come pick me up because I refused to rent a car while I was here.
I turned to look around one more time before Edward walked me to my car to meet the girls. The Rec was far from finished but what we had accomplished already made me cringe at the thought of not being able to see this place, or come here, whenever I wanted. I stared at the trees around me, their nakedness exposed and blowing in the wind. Vulnerable to all kinds of threats, human or nature. Yet they stood tall in defiance, not breaking despite how much the wind threatened to cripple their resilience.
I got in my car and realized that like the trees, I too, had been laying down my roots.
-tr-
Early the next morning, before the sun had officially risen from sleep, I had awoken from sleep with a thought clear as day in my mind. I looked at the clock and saw that it was just after six in the morning, but I was wide awake with adrenaline and purpose. Instead of trying to go back to sleep since the next two days ahead were going to be sprints instead of a marathon, I got out of bed and threw on a clean pair of sweats and sweatshirt. I would have to borrow my Mom's car, and I knew that she had nowhere to be this early in the morning. My dad was working the night shift and would be home soon, but it didn't really make a difference in my decision.
I had to wait a few minutes before I was able to pull out of the driveway, the early morning frost sitting proud and thick upon the windshield. I watched the sun trickle into the sky as the minutes ticked by, and soon I was gliding along the roads to The Rec.
I had the key Edward had given me, and it was burning a hole in my jacket pocket as the miles closed in on my arrival. The security system Edward had installed was very sensitive and neither of us had managed to master it yet, so I found myself praying the whole way over that I would be able to unarm the place before the cops, my father included, arrested me for trespassing even though I was given a key by the owner himself.
I pulled up to The Rec right at seven in the morning, and I paused for a minute after slamming my car door to watch the sky begin to fade into earthly morning colors. My breath fanned out into the air around me, into the sky and trees and dirt surrounding the place that had always been my comfort, and was beginning to become my peace. As hard as it was to ignore the calling of the sunrise, I tore my gaze away and settled my eyes on our tree, the one that had belonged to Edward and me when we were kids. I was in no shape to climb it now but it called to me, and I went over to it before I had a chance to stop myself.
I wasn't going to climb it, it was way too early for me to be doing any kind of activity involving large heights, so I leaned up against it and poured my thoughts into it. I let my brain do the talking, my mouth completely silent, and I exhaled the beauty that I had found within into the world.
Satisfied with my thoughts, I opened my eyes to look down at the painting I held in my hand. It wasn't huge, the wooden slats I had been given at the Paint n' Sip came together to make a size perfect for hanging. It was the opposite of intrusive or overwhelming.
When I had entered the Paint n' Sip last night after my time with Edward, I couldn't get Edward's words out of my mind. It wasn't so much the words he said, but rather in the words that he didn't say, and I realized that he didn't have to say the words for me to know what he had wanted to say. What he had wanted me to know.
Edward wanted me to stay.
So it was only fitting that I began to panic in the car after I had left him at The Rec. Big decisions like this didn't fit into the two simple categories, black or white, that I had promised myself I would rule my life by. Wanting to stay and actually making the decision to stay were two different things. What if I stayed like Edward wanted me to? What if I stayed but I was wrong? What if Edward didn't want me to stay?
I was working myself into a frenzy, determined to keep it to myself as not to draw attention to myself when this was a monumental time in Alice's life. So I had taken a deep breathe, parked my car, and walked into the Paint n' Sip with one last final request.
I wanted a sign.
Leaving things to a flip of a coin or a lucky draw was just not the way I operated, yet there I was, begging internally for some guidance. No more than five minutes later when I had sat down in my seat did our instructor reveal our painting to recreate for the evening.
I don't know if anyone else was as moved as I was about the piece in front of us, but lo and behold, there was my sign.
In the hues of twilight stood two tree branches. Each branch started in the opposite corner, and the twigs of the branches twirled and danced their way towards each other. They met in the middle, and wrapped their way around each other, becoming completely invisible as two branches but instead emerging as one into the shape of a heart. The heart was adorned with red and lively berries, the moon brightly painted behind the branches and twigs.
I poured my heart and soul into the painting, despite being the amateur I was, and thought of Edward and Forks and New York with every stroke of the brush.
I was able to sleep soundly that night, but it was a thought that woke me from sleep at six in the morning that brought me to The Rec. I left my spot against the tree, our tree, painting in hand, and readied myself for an onslaught of alarm sounds. Luckily, I punched in the code before the system warranted me a threat, and I was in.
It looked the exact same as we had left it the night before, but before I lost my courage completely; I walked towards the mantle above the old fireplace. With a deep inhale, the air filling my lungs with trepidated breath, I reached up and placed the painting on the mantle and stepped back to see if it belonged.
I almost felt tears in my eyes as another missing puzzle piece fell into place. A buzz in my pocket knocked me out of my trance.
Why am I watching you on my security camera at 7 am?
Damn. It was like Fort Knox in here. Figuring the disabling of the alarm had sent Edward a notification, I smiled and responded before heading out and enabling the alarm again.
Just adding a missing piece. Go back to sleep.
-tr-
I really was at a Paint n' Sip, a long time ago, when I still hadn't put the pieces together of this story, when I saw that exact painting and knew it was one of my missing pieces. I wish I had been able to paint it that night, but I ended up painting a super cute winter snowman instead.
Praying for you all and your families around the world as we enter unprecedented territory. Stay safe! Love your reviews and recs.