Author warning: Text contains talk of self harm and suicide. Message at end.

* Sunday Evening, After the Funeral *

Warren has gone completely insane.

Max tries to keep this opinion to herself but the difficulty increases with each minute.

'So, since your original consciousness was, subjectively, experiencing the events from your childhood after Point Zero, it ceased to exist within our timeline when you chose to direct us away from PZ.'

His grin shows how obvious the statement is.

The two girls don't get it.

'Wait, what does this have to do with the double moon?'

'Well, everything, but I haven't gotten to that yet.'

'You weren't just talking about the double moon?'

'Nope.'

Victoria turns to Max. 'I'm done. Your turn.'

Okay, gotta real him back in.

'Warren, does any of this help us with the problem now?'

The deflation is immediate and derailing for his thoughts. 'No. But- but it's facinating. I mean, even though it's only your consciousness we are dealing with time travel. Fuckin' time travel Max!'

'Yes, I know. I was there.'

Warren finally seems to realize the show he's been putting on for the last fourty five minutes. 'Oh, yeah. Sorry Max. It's just...'

'Just not every day a bomb like this gets dropped. I get it. No worries.'

'But... But I'm trying to follow the path of your power. There's weird rules to it and I need to know what they are if I'm going to help.'

Scratching her head. Wrinkling brow. 'Okay. What kind of rules?'

Warren pulls out a fresh page of paper, scribbling circles and arrows. His mouth goes a mile a minute. 'Here we have two confirmed events that predate your first dream. You at age thirteen and you tearing up your Everyday Heroes photo. We need to confirm if those events still happened.'

Victoria chimes in. 'Of course they did, they're in the past.'

A held up finger. Warren enters teacher mode. 'Not necessarily. Our timeline is linear. Max does not follow the same rules. If she altered her subjective starting point, that might, big might, have prevented everything she did afterwards. From her point of view.' He stares at the scribles in front of him, willing them to make sense. 'Which, honestly, would explain why the storm never came.'

The girls share a look.

'Yeah, I know. Here, look at it this way. You're reading a book. In order for you to get to the end of the book, you have to read all of the pages in between. Well, from Max's point of view, she tore out the first few pages of the book. She can never start it. Which means everything that gets written down can't be experience without those first few pages.'

'But Max skipped aroud.'

'From our point of view. Her book is sequential. Everything in order how she experienced it. It doesn't have to make sense from our perspective.' He seems pleased by his imagery. 'So, with the first few pages missing, a new story was written. And since there's no lead in for Max to travel to see William or to destroy her photo, those events should not have taken place.'

'I feel like a big but is about to show up.'

'Yeah, and it's a lot more confusing. If those events still took place, then the whole butterfly event reasoning goes out the window. And I'm more inclined to think option two here is what's going on.'

'Wait, why?'

'Well, Max-' Another page of paper, more furious writing. 'In the big alt reality, with Chloe, eh, hurt. You said the weird was still going on. The whales still beached themselves?' Conformation. 'Yeah, that implies events were progressing the same. Which should be impossible.' Writing, gathering ordered thoughts. 'That world had a completely different history. If the storm was caused by Chloe walking out of that bathroom, that event never existed to be uh, broken by you.'

The train of thoughts coalesce in the brunette's head. 'Which means there is no trigger for the Storm. Which means the Storm and all the week of weird shit can't happen.'

Victoria takes the idea and runs it to conclusion. 'But that's not what happened. Which means... It's not the events that lead to the storm. It's specifically that Nathan... Nathan kills her. In the bathroom last Monday.'

Warren finishes up. 'Which is exactly the opposite of how causality works. A completely different history should have created a completely different end. But it didn't.'

'...I wasn't fighting time...'

Warren looks resigned to the statement. Victoria, who hasn't quite got it yet, voices her confusion. 'Okay, explain.'

'If it was just time that was messed up, it means I screwed up and fixed it all when... in the bathroom. Which means this new shit, the Bay, is someone or something else. But...'

Yeah, you already suspected this one. Warren just confirmed it.

'...But if the only way to save the Bay was to let that thing happen, regardless, that means something or someone needed it to happen. Which means I'm fighting against another force, here. Or I am the cause for that stuff outside.'

How about you bank on that last choice? This way the guilt makes sense.

How about shutting up?

Why do you keep arguing with yourself?

I'm not argu... Am I?

Warren breaks that train of thought. 'I'm not sure what's scarier. A malevolent power that wanted Chloe to die in a bathroom or a person screwing with space-time on their own.' A nervous glance. 'I mean without your self disciple, Max.'

'I get it. But, the big but, is still there. How do we figure out if it's me or someone else?'

'Find the pictures.' Victoria's statement only seems self evident after the fact. 'You destroyed two photos. If we can find one intact, it proves everything you did was erased.'

Warren looks impressed. 'Wow, can't believe I didn't think of that.'

'Okay, to my room. that's where the Everyday Heroes photo should be.'

'I'll, uh, stay here.'

'Why?'

'What do you mean, why?' Another connected dot. 'Right, Auto-Max. Boys flat out are not tolerated in the girl's dorm. After all the shit with... last week, Blackwell is full lockdown mode.'

A brief walk up stairs. Before entering her room, though, Max looks to a door just down the hall.

'Should we get Kate?'

'No!' Victoria surprises them both with her enthusiasm. 'I mean, she's going through enough. But I don't think...' Have I stolen all of Vicky's confidence? 'I don't want to involve her. I don't want to get her hurt again.'

'You think we're going to get hurt?'

'Shh, get inside.' The blonde ushers Max through the door, remaining silent until it's firmly closed behind them. 'Yes, we're going to get hurt. There's a good chance one of us is going to die.'

'Vicky, I'd never-'

'I know, but my point stands. You'll go back and try to save us. But you might not be able to. You're not invincible. You might even be the one hurt.'

Still hurting, too. Not like you don't deserve it.

'Okay Vicky, but-'

But what? What can we promise her?

I'll keep us safe.

Oh, you control the future too?

'You're right. We are going into some dangerous territory. I should know. I just feel... bad. Weak, even. Last time I had Chlo and even so we lost in the end.'

'Yeah...' Victoria looks around expectantly. 'So, where is this entry?'

'Not sure. I was on autopilot for five days, I could have put it anywhere.' She physically removes a drawer from her desk. Photos are strewn about in it, only one stack sloppily rubber banded together. Max places it between the two long them on the bed. 'Dig in.'

'Uh, Max? What's it look like?'

A sheepish blush creeps up from her neck. 'It's of this wall. With me in the foreground.'

'Another selfie? Fitting.'

'Hey!'

'No, I'm serious. You're photogenic, but you don't steal your scenes. It's a good thing! Your art let's people see the camera from your perspective. They can see the camera they are holding taking their selfie. You, the subject, becomes a placeholder for someone else to experience.'

Max is taken aback. I'm not sure if I ever wanted my work to be viewed that way but... That's really cool. 'Wow, Victoria, I never-'

'Not all your work. Some of it is derivative. Your eye is good, and your framing is amazing. But it's like you just take photos constantly, no thought of context, and hope they come out good.'

Ah, back to normal. 'I don't know if I should be complimented or insulted.'

A closed smile, a hint of an incisor. 'That's the hallmark of a good critic review.'

'Shut up and keep looking.'

More teeth with this smile.

The trip down memory lane is bumpy. Max needs to pause, every so often, and explain a photo.

'This is from the junk yard. Chloe and Rachel had this little hidey hole set up. It was Tuesday, when we were testing my power limits.'

'The beach, right before we went to see Frank. The whales were so sad. Chloe accidentally shot Frank. She's so dumb. But fearless.'

'The sunset on Monday. Right before the snow. She is such a good subject.'

'After I woke up from the alt world. I needed to capture her again.'

'Max, no offence, but can we stop talking about all this.'

Why is she wiping her eyes? 'You okay Victoria?'

'Yeah, I'm fine.'

'No, you aren't. What is it?'

'I'm tired, Max.' She turns to leave.

Really? Fine. A bit of the old venom laces the next sentence. 'That's cool, go get your beauty rest. I can save the world for now.' Max continues rummaging through her photo drawer, not really seeing the photos through the red tint.

Clicked heals. The sound of movement. 'You really don't get it!'

Max returns volley. 'Obviously not! If you want to be hella flaky, no problem. I thought you were tougher but, of course, dumb Max is wrong.'

'Yeah, right now your both! Dumb and wrong!' Rubbing temples and fighting the urge to scream. 'God, you even talk like her.'

'Wait, what?'

Exasperated. Bewildered, even. 'I really did not want to spell this out to you.' She takes a stance, bitch-mode active.

'I'm not Chloe.'

Yeah, that's obvious.

'I'm not replacing her. I don't want to be her. You don't want that either. So stop living in the past. It's harsh, I know. But she's gone. Dead.'

This bitch! It's like she only wants to be around when I'm all fucked up! 'How dare you!'

'How dare me? How many times have you forgotten this fact. "Is a good subject". "She is so dumb". You're talking like she's in the next room, back at any minute. Max-'

Don't say it.

'Chloe. Is. Dead!'

'I know!'

'DO YOU?'

of course i know

'Do you really? You don't talk or act that way. You said-' A choke in mid word. 'You said I was here because you needed someone. Said you needed me to keep you sane. From making a mistake and changing what happened in the bathroom. But you aren't acting like that.'

i'm...

'You are acting like... going back is on a to-do list, something you haven't gotten to yet.' Frustration expels from the blonde. 'You aren't even trying to move on from the funeral.' Responding to the brunette's expression. 'Oh, tell me I'm wrong.Tell me you have no doubts about this world. Honestly.'

'I-'

Fuck her!

'I-'

I know what I'm doing.

'I-'

right?

Her anger flairs. 'I know what I'm doing, Vicky. You are the one with the problem handling this.'

Volley, return fire. 'You're right! I'm having problems with all this bullshit! BUT I DON'T HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE IT!'

Yeah, I can change all this! Go back and...

What?

...and stop this time line...

And then what? What would you do differently? Let's see. Never tell Victoria. Or Warren. You don't need help with this new problem, right? It's not like you specifically told her so she could call you out on this crap.

...i can...

Go back and let the real last week happen. Let the town die. What's a couple thousand lives compared to the one you love? Of course she'll love you back. Who wouldn't love a person who mass murders for them?

I KILLED HER!

Yes. And you have to live with that.

...i...

Yes?

i can't live with it.

No tears, but Max shakes like an addict going cold turkey. Victoria holds her, no questions about why.

'Max, I'm here to help you. And to stop you. But I don't think I could stop you if you choose to do... something drastic. All I get to do is talk.'

'talking helps. hurts too.'

'Yeah, I agree. But you have to listen.' Words are said right into her ear. 'It's like we are having an argument at the same time we are agreeing.'

'yeah. i've been fighting with myself.'

'I know. And- can I be an uncaring bitch for a minute?'

The look Max gives answers well enough.

'Okay. Don't be mad.' They understand the implications of that statement. 'I, uh. I keep feeling like you are comparing me to Chloe. And I don't think I'm measuring up.'

'Oh, Vicky. I'm so so sorry for making you feel that way.'

'I get that, Maxine.' Friendly, a laugh. 'Chloe is just this... mythic figure. Your whole world revolves around her, even though... I see you dealing with it, but not the right way. I can't be her. No one can. You need to let her go. Not all at once. But you need to accept you can't bring her back.'

'...no...'

The rooms acoustics are surprisingly good to echo the slap. WHAT!

'Max, so help me, if I'm going to be your conscious, I'm going to make you fucking listen.' Victoria is getting angrier. 'You. Can't. Save. Chloe.' She calms slightly, taking a moment. 'You have to get that through your head. I know you understand it. But you don't feel it.'

Max is speechless and thoughtless.

'I... I still love Nathan. If he walked back into my life I'd forgive him. It's terrible but true. My mind blames him. My heart just wants him back. And I-'

Something deflates within the girl.

'I'm using you because I miss him. For the last two days. I need someone in my life like that. But you are the furthest person from him. So much... better for me. Already, just two days later. I need to stop looking for that old friendship in you.'

The words are difficult to hear through chattering teeth. 'And I need to stop looking for Chloe in you.'

'Not just in me. You need to stop looking for her at all.' Damn, she needs a tissue. 'She's gone, Max. They both are. Can't bring them back. Not- not in the right way. But we still have some of them. Memories, good and bad times. That's all we got, but it has to be enough.'

'It isn't enough. Not for me.' The shaking abates as the emotions shift. Fear and anger to depression. To loss and lost. 'I can't live with this. I killed her. I let her die. Same thing, in my mind.'

'But the other people-'

'Doesn't bring her back. And the rational part of me knows I can't do it. Even the emotional part, the broken heart, knows things are better this way. So many people, so many kids, are alive with their whole world ahead of them.' Pain, deep in her chest. 'I can't take that away from them. But I can only think ab-bout her. I let her future just... go away. I may not have pulled the trigger but I had the ability to stop it. Have the ability. To stop an injustice against one I love.'

You love your dramatic pauses.

'It's not fair. Life is just completely unfair. Why does one life change so much because of so little? Why was I given these powers if they only screw things up?'

'They don't, Max. You saved Kate last we. You stopped Jefferson and found Rachel. It all went sideways but you were still able to do good. These choices. These battles, you can't win them all.'

'I... I can't live like this.'

That statement, especially the inflectiin, stops time in its tracks. Metaphorically.

'Max, don't talk like that.'

'Half my thoughts are me hating myself. The other half are my excuses why. I don't... I don't want to die. I just want to be with her. No more problems. No more Bay bullshit. No more responsibility way too heavy for me to bear.'

Victoria shifts uneasily.

'Vicky, I only want to stop the hurting. Either I bring her back. Or I pretend she's still around.'

'...or I join her...'

Victoria's nails dig painfully into Max's shoulders. 'Look at me.' The eye contact is intense. 'I. Will. Never. Forgive. You.' Each punctuated word hits like a hammer. 'Ever. I will curse your name till I'm hoarse in the throat. I will teach my children, God forbid, to curse your name.'

Pain, pain Max has only ever felt, gazes back at her.

'You don't get to take the easy way out. It's only easy for you. All of us have to pick up after... that. You think this is pain now? Your parents. Kate. Warren. What would they do?'

'What would I do?'

Doubling of intensity, if that were possible.

'And the next fucking word out of your mouth better not be "but".'

'...i'm sorry...'

'Damn right you are. God, I'm not made to handle this. I didn't think so, anyway. You got to see the love people have for you Max. Your parents do. Joyce does, Kate does. Obviously Warren does.' A sly smirk. 'I'm... getting there.'

'...bitch...'

'You know it.' Still exasperated, not quite bewildered. 'Dammit girl. I don't need this drama. Neither do you. And I know drama.' She finally breaks eye contact. 'I know I was harsh. But you needed your ass kicked. I also know you heard me but it didn't get into your heart.'

'...you can kick my ass again later...'

'Thanks. I am going to.' The embrace is tight. 'We good for now?'

'no. but better.'

'I'll take it.' She looks at all the photos, many wrinkled from betting sat on. 'Can you continue or are we done for now?'

'i think i know where it would be.'

'What? Where?'

Deep, deep breath. 'If it's whole, it got turned in. Probably. If it's torn up, under my bed. I know me and I don't clean up that often.'

The blonde, in undignified manner, gets down on her knees and looks around. 'Damn, Max. We spent an hour looking f-'

'Shit.'

'yeah, it's one of those days.'

Half a fuzzy selfie is held in Victoria's fingers, like a diseased rodent. Parts of the wall behind the bed can be seen past an indistinct brunette.

'This it?'

'yeah.'

The damn silence is back.

'Which means...'

'yeah. time wasn't screwed up.'

say it

no

SAY IT

'something else wanted chloe dead.'

Author's note:

This chapter is a bit short. Had to be, for me. Not only does it culminate with some unpleasant weight. I actually pulled some dialogue that was said to me and adapted it for Victoria's final tirade. I have, from early teens to present, manic depression. Now I deal with it well and have the support and disciple I need. But when I was ninteen I was in a very dark place in a family that loved me but didn't know how to help. After a particularly bad month, a loved one sat me down and gave me a very similar speech. It was the first of many, but also the first step I took to helping myself. And right now, as much as I want to write more, I need a break from this plot line.

For anyone in need of help with self harm or suicidal thoughts, call 1-800-273-8255, 24/7