Trigger warning: themes of sexual abuse and self-harm

* Monday Evening, Forestalling An Argument, After the Storm *

'The hell you mean by that?'

'I had a chance to stop the storm and I didn't.'

Because I'm selfish.

'How could you possibly be responsible?'

Because I don't care about anyone else.

'She's not responsible!'

Kate is as startled by her outburst as the rest of the girls. Beet red, she still pushes forward. 'What I'm say is that... Max isn't at fault. Something wanted Chloe dead and asked Max to do it.'

Victoria is growing more confused. 'What the hell does that mean?'

Chloe takes over. 'Okay, from the beginning.' She hesitates, deciding on a beginning. 'So, Monday. In the bathroom, I was supposed to die.' She holds Max tighter, reliving. 'I was shot by Nathan and bled out right there. But Max changed that.'

'What the fuck? None of that happened!'

'That's because Max can time travel.'

'WHAT?'

'Yes.'

Victoria tries to stand. Weak knees keep her planted. 'Are you for-fucking-real?'

'Language-'

'Kate, shut the hell up!'

Finally getting her balance back, she stands and tries to open the door. A hand on her shoulder causes a flinch.

'Victoria, I can stop time. I can rewind it. I can prove it. And there is no way I can let you leave like this, without letting you know what's true. I promise when we're done I can undo this if you want.'

You can't make that promise. You won't be able to go that far back.

I know.

You want to start off with a lie.

It can't be helped.

'Five minutes. And then I'm out of here and never talking to any of you again.'

Fine. 'So, let's start. Um, say a number.'

'Huh?'

'Any number, keep going with the digits.'

Together. '392873491-'

Not impressed. 'Cheap trick.'

We need some next level shit. 'I need... something. Something I can't fake.'

Chloe hands over a notebook and a few pens she digs out of Max's bag. 'Have Victoria write stuff down and you can reproduce it without her seeing.'

Good idea Che. 'Okay, here. Victoria, at least five things.'

A minute goes by.

'Okay, let me see.' Confusion and anger. 'Victoria, I need to see it in the first timeline.'

A quick look, a quick rewind. Shared notes.

1 - fuck you guys

2 - this is so childish

3 - blue is not chloe's color

4 - HoW AbOuT tHiS

5 - 8675309

6 - i trusted you

Exactly the same. Max even get's the angle right on Victoria's penmanship. A familiar mixture of fear and awe paint her features.

'Okay Vicky. Now, do you believe? And... do you want to know? This is your last chance. Any further and I can't go back far enough.'

Pause.

Come on Vicky. We got a time crunch.

Still pause.

'...yes.' Some confidence comes back as the blonde makes her decision. 'Yes, I believe you. And yes. Tell me everything.'

Chloe, not content to be an observer. 'Max, you have to be hella sure about this. I mean, Kate worked out but...'

'I said I want to know, Price.'

'And you don't know what you're asking, Chase. This isn't a movie. This is some real fucked-up shit. Sorry, Katie.'

The group quiets, everyone lost in their own dark thoughts. Again Chloe is the first to break.

'Okay, we'll just run it through day-by-day. So, yeah, Monday. Max had a nightmare about the storm...'

Hours pass, once again Max reliving last week. She doesn't talk much. Only a few corrections needed. It's midnight before Chloe wraps up. Thanks to Kate, most of what had been said already has a context, though not enough for Victoria.

'I don't get it.' She has been pacing for the last half hour of the story, Saturday and Sunday events. Not that there's much to talk about those days. 'I... Kate, I don't understand why you're here.'

'Well, I'm here to help if I can.'

'No, not that. Why are you helping? Why are you helping that?' A gesture towards the bed.

That?

'Why you would be willing to be in the same room as Max, let alone trying to help her.'

The bluenette pipes up. 'Hey, Chase, don't be-'

'Chlo, I got this.' Max walks, to stand in front of the irritated blonde. No fear, no anger at being called a that, Max just waits until the taller girl makes the decision to look at her squarely. Then, ever so slowly, like dealing with a wild animal, Max gently grabs Victoria's right hand and brings it to her own cheek. 'Here, Victoria. One freebie. Hit me. Or talk to me. Ask me the questions.' Max lowers her hand, but the palm leaning against her face, cold, stays. 'I made these decisions. I am the one ultimately at fault. Don't go after Kate. Or Chloe. If you want to hate someone, it should be me.'

A war exists just behind the green eyes staring back. It's waged in the brow and cheeks and lips. The eyes never change, just their frame. Eyes never change shape. They physically cannot. But so much expression is contained in them. The droop of a lid, the scrunching between eyebrows, the flaring of nostrils.

If the eyes are windows to the soul, the soul is caught in a perfectly cast resin of thoughts and emotions. Completely unchanging but a million facets and angles from which to see.

Fury loses. Depression wins. Tears fall as the cold hand first tries to find purchase and, failing, falls to the shoulder, pushing hard in an effort to keep Max still. Or Victoria upright.

'you-you killed...'

'yes'

'you killed courtney.'

Yes I did.

'...i'm sorry...'

'YOU'RE FUCKING SORRY?!'

Kate moves quickly to try and support, but Max waves her off. As she suspected the crying girl, rather than grow violent, grabs at Max and pulls her into a fierce hug. The sobbing continues, and hands clawing at Max's back, sometimes painfully. Not caring, Max returns the physical contact, trying to will something other than the fear and anger she herself is feeling. Maybe a spark of hope. Maybe a touch of love. It's not enough, but it is what she has.

'All I have right now is that, Victoria. All I can be is sorry. I can't help anyway else. Not yet.'

'M-max, how can you l-let people die?'

An increase in her strength, steel in her spine. 'I didn't let anything happen. I dealt with what was thrown at me. I dealt with double moons and eclipses and dying whales. I dealt with rapists and murderers. I dealt with my best friend trying to kill herself. I dealt with my girlfriend losing her best friend.'

An intake of breath, preparing herself for something even Chloe didn't know the full story about.

'I dealt with you and I both being captured by that, that shit. Right after Chloe dies in front of my eyes. I dealt with him drugging me and taping me to a chair. Touching me. Taking my picture. Taking it. The... the things he said. Bragging about killing you, and Chloe. And the things he was going to do to me. The sharp prick of the needle and the fuzzy world after. The click-flash as he took from me.'

Hands are on her shoulder, separate from Victoria's. I never meant her to hear all of that.

'I killed people before the Storm. I killed Chloe. I saw her and she begged me to do it.' Pushing back, she once again stares into those green eyes. 'Do you get that? I would do everything for Chloe. I killed her because it was the kindest thing I could do. I wasn't sure I could go back to this world. I just knew the only thing I could do to help was let her die. On her own terms.'

Whispering now.

'i can never let that happen to her again.'

'but the cost...'

'Is just my soul.'

A sound catches in a throat. Kate stands trembling, Chloe standing right behind her, offering comfort. Both have scared looks.

They finally see the monster I am.

Kate speaks, quiet but, in a room of such silences, it overpowers. 'You aren't damned.'

'That's, that's... Thank you, Kate. But if there is a hell, I've got a one-way ticket down there.'

'N-no Max. You didn't kill those people.'

'I could have saved them. We can argue about semantics but I'm positive the Storm would have stopped if Chloe died. And I'd be dead soon after.'

The bluenette steps forward and tears her girlfriend away from Victoria. Searching Mac'se face, she stammers out quickly. 'M-max, don't talk l-like that.'

'Chlo, you know it and I know it. In the alt world I had already decided that if I couldn't go back... I wasn't sticking around. How could I? I'd be the girl that killed her best friend. Joyce, and William. I couldn't be the one that took their daughter away. I couldn't live in a world where I killed you. How do you think I'd do in a world where I'd be walking around, every day, seeing dozens of people who lived because you died. Who could never understand your sacrifice for them.'

Max pulls her girlfriend, her home and safety. Leaning against Chloe's chest, searching for that heartbeat she gave up so much for. That beat she took so much from so many so it could keep on beating.

'I'd give me a week, tops.'

Just a moment. There. Bump-bump. Bump-bump.

'That is unbelievably selfish.'

'Chase, stop.'

'No! I most certainly won't. She get's a free pass because she's in love?'

'Chase...'

'Che, wait.' A break and a turn. Back to the standoff. 'You are right, Victoria. Completely right.'

'I know I'm right! You, you patronizing bitch.'

'I'm not being patronizing. I'm being honest. I know I'm selfish and conceded. I have a major god-complex going on. I do all this, say all this, because I can. And I'm well past the point of caring. No, that's not it. I care. I'm not going to change things.'

The hand that rested against her cheek a few minutes before is back, and quite quickly too. The crack is still reverberating when Max raises her right hand and travels back a few seconds.

The hand that rested against her cheek a few minutes before is back, and quite quickly too. The crack is still reverberating while Max keeps her right hand raised and travels back a few seconds.

The hand that rested against her cheek a few minutes before is back, and quite quickly too. The crack is still reverberating yet Max keeps her right hand raised and...

Crack.

The hand once rested against her cheek.

Crack.

Back a few seconds.

Crack.

Keeping her hand up.

Crack.

'Vicky! Stop!'

Max is on her knees, blood dribbling from her split lip. A molted pattern of red mars her skin. Some of it is already on its way to full purple. She didn't hit hard but... a loose tooth? Catching her breath, Max gingerly probes her molars from the outside, wincing.

The blood isn't just from her lip. Both nostrils flow freely.

Chloe and Kate are both crouched next to her. The bluenette is trying to get Max to look at her, showing her own wincing as the extent of the damage appears. 'Max, how are..? Oh, oh you stupid... Fuck, Max, let's get something for this...'

Staring at Victoria, willing her to immolate, Chloe runs down stairs, taking steps two at a time. Less than two minutes later, she's back with an emergency medical kit, bowl, and rags. Handing the bowl to Kate, asking for water, unpacking the med kit. Peroxide, bandages, one of those bags you crush to get them all cold.

I'm feeling light-headed.

Victoria hasn't moved. Her hand, still with light smears of blood on it, is covering a face full of terror. The moment Kate brushes past her, a jolt of action shakes her body. She kneels next to Chloe, grabbing medical wipes, first for herself, then for Max's cheek.

'Chase, don't you-'

'I didn't do this, Price. I'd never wanted this.'

Working quickly, the trio try to fix her up. The burn of old-school sterilizer. Topical numbing agent. One of this little butterfly band-aids on the lip. A bit of medical cloth stopping up a nostril that hasn't stopped bleeding.

They sit in a circle. Exhaustion, on every level, cloaks everyone. Since the very brief exchange, no one has spoken. No one want to talk about it. No one know how.

I've destroyed them. They'll never trust me again. Instead of PROTECTING I'm the one HURTING them! Some fucking "Everyday Hero" I turned out to be.

No.

Fuck off right now.

No, you did it.

What did I do? Explained how much of a monster I am to everyone? Made myself get beat up?

Why did you you do that part?

I deserve it. I deserve to be hurt.

No. No you don't. You know that, just like you know why you let Vicky hurt you.

Because...

Think it through.

So she would trust me.

No. So that you would trust them.

'Max, why did you do..? Why did you let me do that?'

'Because...'

Trust us.

Why should I?

Because we are stable now. At least here. At least this time.

'Because I thought I deserved it.' The words are hard to articulate. The swelling, the pain, the numbness. Max doesn't let all that stop her from being clear. ''I deserved to pain. You owed me.'

'No, Max. That was... I never wanted to hurt you.'

Victoria. You slapped me.'

'B-because you needed to wake up. You can't be... this.'

What am I?

'You were acting crazy. Like you were... proud. Of being damned.'

'I'm not proud. I'm just being real.'

Chloe moves closer, holding Max against her chest, mindful of the damage. 'Max, you don't deserve that. You aren't being real, you're just being...'

'Dramatic? Like it's the end of the world? Like I need to be the center of everything? I don't need that, I need to get what's...'

A petite voice interrupts. 'You don't get to choose punishment. God does. God get's to choose if you're damned or saved. Only God get's to decide how you are going to get punished, if He thinks you deserve it.' Kate is frustrated, but doesn't let it infect her words too much. 'It is the height of hubris to think you understand everything that's happened well enough to know better.'

What, God wants me to be happy or something?

'Max. Listen clearly to me. You aren't damned. You aren't going to hell. You are hurt and confused. You have all this pain in you and you keep looking for some way to let it out.' A deep silence. 'You can't let it out like this. You aren't a bad person.'

yes i am

'You have been hit over and over with stuff no one ever experienced before. You're eighteen. You are a good person.'

'...no i'm not...'

'Max, stop hearing me and listen!' A deeper silence. 'Are you fallible?'

'yes'

'Are you powerful?'

'uh, yes'

'When you screw up, you screw up big. Right?'

'...yes...'

'And what do you do?' The question hangs. 'You tear yourself up. You hurt yourself to help others. You deal with it and fix what you can and work on what you can't. You don't move on. You don't quit.'

Victoria butts in. 'Max, why did you talk to me today?'

Why? Because I felt guilty.

That's not why.

Then...

Because you saw her and needed to help. You had guilt, it wasn't guilt that made you speak up. It was someone in need.

'honestly, because i could help you'

Kate looks triumphant. 'See. You are a good person.'

The words hit a chord. Not the religious aspect. Not the fact Max might not be as damned as she feels.

Max is struck by the fact someone like Kate, a pious and good person, still thinks that she, Max, is still good. That there is hope. That Max is worth saving.

'i-i don't know what to say'

'Don't say anything. Understand this.' Everyone else turns to Victoria. The pixie blonde has a moment of panic but pushes onward as her internal conflict comes to an end, finally. 'I don't trust you, Max. I don't really like you right now.'

please don't. what more can i do for you?

'But there's more going on than I realize. I can... wait. I can... help, I guess. You are on really fucking thin ice but... I won't be running away or anything. You got to earn it back but... I'll give you a chance.'

'W-what changed?'

'You did, Kate.' The pair clasp hands. 'You have faith in her. You are still here, defending her and trying. If you can be a part of this, I'll trust that.'

Everyone is tired. Everyone is done. No more words as Chloe sets up some sleeping bags around the bed, thick blankets over and under them. In wool pajamas, Max climbs into bed, nesting, as Chloe drapes her arm around protectively.

An hour later and a pair of snores sound out in synchronicity. Yet Max and Chloe lie awake.

'don't you ever do that again.'

'i'm sorry.'

'you don't get to be the self-destructive one.'

'i'm so sorry.'

'stop apologizing. i'm really angry right now and you need to know that.'

A heartbeat is missed.

'are you-'

'i still love you, dork. just... never put me through that again. and don't talk like that.'

'i promise.'

'that's the sort of shit i went through. i know what it all means.'

The arm around Max tightens for a moment.

'chloe?'

'yeah.'

'i love you so much.'

'love you too.'