* Tuesday, Post-Class, After the Funeral *

Like tearing down the sky.

Twenty minutes outside, milling with her classmates, and Max sees no end to the meteor shower. Her neck stiff, she can't turn away.

Each line they make is another little crack in the sky. How long until it shatters?

Warren and Brooke lay side by side on the grass, hers a face enraptured, his one of worry.

I wish she would leave so we could talk this through.

Max knows she is being petty, wishing the girl would leave. It's not Brooke's fault. We all practically pushed Warren into her arms. Well, mostly Victoria.

And it isn't the girl she's mad with. The sky is falling, and she needs to do something about it.

So much for putting off the inevitable. Why would I even think I could?

Because you still think you're a time lord.

I don't want to talk.

Hey! More is being lost just talking to you than you know!

But what, exactly, Max can't understand.

What? Explain it to me.

I/we can't.

Her hand itches and, with an absent mind, she scratches. Pain shoots out over her palm.

Give me some straight answers!

I/WE CAN'T!

Abrupt, Max stands from the bench. 'That's it, I'm done. I'm going to bed.'

Kate and Victoria bolt out of their own personal revelries. Warren sits up, weight on his hands.

Brooke throws Max a dirty look.

Don't even start with me.

'You sure Max?'

'Yeah Vicky. It's been a long day, my hand's throbbing, and I have so much work to do. I'm done.'

Without pausing, she turns.

'Wait up!'

'Kate, I-'

The petite girl speaks in hushed tones. 'I need to talk to you. Something not about...' She glances up.

Oh. Okay, yeah. Not everything is about me.

Max nods, waving a stern goodbye to the others. Leading the way upstairs, she pauses by Kate's door, trying to gauge where the blonde wants to go.

'Let me take care of Alice. I'll be by in a few minutes.'

Entering her room, Max is relieved to have those minutes. The disaster from before is still strewn across her floor, her bed, her desk...

Wait. I can be more efficient about this.

A couple of back and forth times flows let's her get twenty minutes of cleaning done in less than five.

Kinda blasé about the whole time control, isn't it?

She voices her response. 'If you're not going to be helpful, shut the hell up.'

I/we are always helpful.

A snort. 'Really? Then how about you tell me something useful. Like who that woman is. What I need to do. What the hell is being lost!'

Never said we were helping you.

'Then-' A knock interrupts. Dammit. 'Come in Kate.'

A quick open and close and she's in. Sitting on the couch Kate drops her bag next to her.

'So, what's up, Katie-bug?'

The girl can't meet Max's eyes. She starts slow. 'Max, you know... you know what I've been going through.'

Oh. Oh crap.Max is a bit... blindsided.

This conversation.

'Y-yes, Kate. I, um, I...' Have no idea what to say.

The blonde girl shakes her head. 'Don't worry. I know I'm throwing this at you. On top of all the other stuff...'

Gah! Can't let her think- 'I'm here for you Kate.' Sitting next to her, pulling her close. 'I'm not going anywhere. Just talk to me.'

Kate deflates, just a little, but enough to worry Max. Yet...

'I'm not doing good, Max. Better than before. No teasing or comments. And Victoria and Warren have been a huge help. But... but I'm still getting nightmares.'

Max has a rueful laugh on her lips. 'I know a few things about nightmares.'

'Yeah. It's why I want to talk to you. You know better than anyone what... that... was like.'

A flash. A click-shutter. A pair of lenses.

One holds Max still.

The other greedily watches.

'Y-yeah. I do.'

Kate senses the mood overtaking Max. 'I don't want to make you-'

'It's okay Kate.' Sounding more confident than she feels. 'I'm good. Just, keep going.'

'O-okay.' A breath to steel herself. 'I, um, I'm not like you. I haven't moved on.'

The only place I can be "myselfie" is in the Dark Room.

'I don't know that I have, Kate.'

'Sure. But you got to fight back. You weren't...'

The slightly unconscious model is often the most open and honest.

'I was. Just like you. Except I was awake for parts of it.'

'That's my point. I have nothing. I never got to fight back. I never even got to talk to him. To Nathan.'

Please don't suggest what I think you are...

'I want to talk to him. I want to ask him... why.'

Always take the shot.

'Kate, that is such a bad idea.'

Finally, she looks up. Straight into Max's eyes. Pain, sadness. Determination. Need.

Anger.

'Kate, I did exactly this. I just-'

'I'm going to do this.'

Only one thought pops into Max's head.

'Why?'

'Because.' The petite girl pauses, a long moment. Finding preprecisely the right words. 'I need to fight back. I need to finish this for myself. I was so powerless before. But I won't let that happen anymore. How can I...' A stutter. 'How can I face something like this Whirlpool when I don't... feel... like I have any power. He took that away.'

No, Kate you cannot do it like this. 'If you're doing this for some sort of revenge, I won't help?' It's so not like you.

'No, Max. Not revenge. I hate him. I hate them both.'

That's the final straw.

'I can't keep hating them, Max.' The first hiccup between her words breaks Max a little. 'I don't want to but I do. I need to-' A second time. Her eyes turn down. 'I need to know if I can forgive him.'

'Those... they don't deserve forgiveness from you.'

'Max.' Reestablishing contact. Red, wet. But solid and composed. 'It's not for them. It's for me.' Leaning into the embrace, clasping Max's free hand. 'I need to know this didn't change me. I need to know that I'm still myself.'

'No one can change you.'

Before she could even finish, Kate is shaking her head. 'I know it. I can feel it, in my heart. I don't feel like the same person as before. Between the... thing, my mother, my aunt. The way people still look at me. No one says anything anymore, not since last Tuesday, but I can feel their eyes one me. People judging me. Or pitying me.'

'That's so... harsh. Why haven't-'

'-I said anything?' A dark laugh. 'I did. Last Thursday.'

No!

'To you.'

The shock freezes Max.

'When you were in auto mode.'

Sweat rolls down the brunette's temple.

'You said to not let it get to me. And I tried. Gosh, I love you Max. You were so supportive. But all you wanted me to do was ignore them.'

Max feels ill.

'I can't ignore it. I can't ignore the way I feel, like a part of me was stolen.'

'I'm going to be sick.'

A look of concern. 'Max?'

'I'm fine. I just... I can't believe I missed this. I'm so sorry.'

Confused. 'Why? You were doing what you always do. You are a big reason I'm getting through all this.'

'But I should know this. I should remember.'

Laughter. The good kind. It still reeks of sadness. 'Max, so what? You were in so much pain, with everything going on, and you still had time to make sure I was okay. If autopilot Max is just your reflexes, you are automatically a good, caring person.'

'That's, that's kind but-'

'But nothing.'

Max can't stand it. She hugs her friend. Part to reassure them both, part to try and express her love when words fail.

Part to hide the tears and regret.

I can't believe... I missed out. I could have done more if I was just present! If I knew then what I know now.

You always feel like that.

You ARE me.

I/we are distinct. What you do is different. Especially during the blank times. It is when you are you without me/us. A different you.

I am always me!

And so you are.

Breaking apart, she still needs- 'I won't miss out again. I won't not be here.'

'Max...'

'No. I won't feel right. Missing out on something- missing out on you. Next time if this happens I'll tell you the when and you fill me in on everything.' One hand on top of two, squeezing. 'Deal?'

'Deal.'

I need to calm down. 'I'm going to put on some music.' Max grabs from her pile an album she pilfered from Victoria. 'How about something weird?'

A chuckle. 'How weird?'

'Baroque pop?'

'...'

'Trust me.'

Simple picking, intricate wordplay, and easy saunter of the first few bars enter the room. The external stimuli helps Max focus outside her own head. The slow plod is soothing, the vocals crystal and clean and calming.

'Max, who is this?'

'The Decemberists.'

Singing "Oh, the hazards of love"

'Wow. The words are so...'

'Yeah, I know. Wait until "The Wanting Comes in Waves". Shara Worden tears it up against Collin's delivery.'

They make small talk throughout the album, listening front to back. Max, the tentative expert, points out the more interesting lyrical choices, while Kate makes the appropriate sounds concerning instrumentation.

Neither are ready to go back to their previous conversation.

And these hazards of love, never more will trouble us.

'That's heartbreaking, Max.' In spite of the tragedy, she smiles.

'Kinda loving it too much, no?'

Turning a few shades lighter than true beet red. 'What's wrong with enjoying tragic love?'

'Nothing.'

'I mean, it's love. People fight for it and against it all the time. "So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three. But the greatest of these is love." First Corinthians thirteen-thirteen.'

'I know that one.'

'It's my second favorite passage. Matthew speaks of safety, of warmth and home. But Corinthians teaches you to spread love and well-being to others.'

And like that, it clicks for Max.

'That's why you want to see him.'

A quiet answer.

'yes'

'Okay. Okay, I get it. I don't approve, but you don't need my approval. You need to do what you feel is right.' Max plops herself down on the floor in front of the couch. 'When are you going?'

'I was hoping, um, we could go soon.'

'How soon do-'

Wait.

'No.'

'Max, please just hear me.'

'No way. I am not going to-'

'Just listen, I know you don't-'

'-that piece of shit, sorry but-'

'-can't get there on my own, I need a driver-'

'-I'll kick the shit out of him-'

'Max! Stop cursing!'

'FINE!'

A knock interrupts.

'Go away!'

'Max, let me in!'

Max tries to yank the door off it's hinges.

'She's acting crazy, Victoria.'

The pixie blonde hurries in, hands on hips and an angry look in her eyes. 'I don't know who's crazy, considering I can hear both of you, clear as day, through two closed doors. Now, what's going on?'

'Tell her.' Max turns to the still seated Kate. 'Tell her what you want from me.'

'I just think it would be good-'

'She wants to go talk to Nathan. And she wants me to come.'

Sharp green eyes turn to red-rimed hazel.

'Why involve Max?'

'Because she needs this as much as I do.'

'Max isn't going to forgive Nathan. She's the least likely out of all of us.'

Wait. 'You knew?'

Those green eyes now turn to blue ones. 'Yes.'

'And you didn't talk her out of it?'

'Max...'

The patronizing tone is a bit too much for Max. 'No, Vicky. You know what he did. All of it. You know what he would have done.' Max can't stand the contact. Pacing. This room is too small to pace! 'You know what he cost me...'

Kate speaks up from the couch. 'Max, you just agreed it was a good idea.'

'That's before you wanted me to get in the same room as him.'

'Calm down.'

'Fine. But I'm not going anywhere near that-'

Victoria grabs her by an arm. 'Max. Please calm down.'

Fine!

She shrugs off the hand, but doesn't resume the pacing. I can calm down.

Take a breath.

You're going to ruin my calm!

After a few minutes, as a whine of silence settles in the room, Max thinks she can finally articulate herself without yelling anymore.

'Kate, why? Why should- why do you think it's a good idea?'

The small girl stands, hugging Max. 'Because I'm not the only one who hates him.'

I don't hate him.

Don't you?

No!

Why are you so against seeing him?

HE KILLED CHLOE!

You let that happen.

There it is.

A pained note rises up from deep within Max.

'i can't, kate.'

Pulling back, using physical distance to try and force her feelings down. Nothing works.

'he killed chloe. and i let him. i can't... he pulled the trigger. but he was as much my tool as he was for...'

Kate tries to re-initiate the embrace, but the brunette spurns her. 'Max, it isn't-'

'yes it is. all my fault. if he had just... if i never had my powers, he would have just been a murderer. but that's not what happened. i am responsible.'

'For saving lives.'

'could i save you? all my power and i can't go back and prevent all that... that happened to you.'

'Max, you don't-'

'i am as big a part of chloe's death as he is. we are accomplices. guess how that makes me feel?'

No words answer.

'i never wanted any of this. i want to take it all back.' Her nose stuffy, her eyes hurting. 'i would never want chloe hurt. i'd kill to keep her alive. but he. he wanted to hurt her. to kill her.'

Victoria tries to interject. 'He didn't-'

'please leave.'

I need to be alone.

'please. i'm not mad. i just need to be alone.' As upset as she is, she doesn't want to hurt either of them. 'i'll see you in the morning. just, please, leave.'

They do. Kate, hurt but sympathetic. Victoria, worried but understanding.

Victoria pauses closing the door. 'Max, please call me. Before you go to bed.'

'sure.'

A frown.

'i mean it. i'll text you later.'

As the door latches Max is, once again, alone.