A/N: A taste of Paradise. *Bows*
If I owned One Piece, I'd need to learn how to draw.
"Oi, Tengu."
Usopp, sitting back in the outcropping around the lighthouse, blinked. He'd been watching Sanji prepare lunch, the elephant true bluefin, more or less since he came back from the ship, shortly after Luffy's fight with Laboon ended.
"Tengu, huh?" Usopp said. He chuckled. "That's a new one."
Sanji clicked his tongue.
"Do you have nothing better to do?"
Usopp considered the question. He'd left Zoro asleep on the ship, and the swordsman did not rouse easily from his naps. That eliminated training from consideration. He'd already tended to Merry, and most of his projects were on hold, pending the results of live field tests.
More importantly, and to the point, though-
"I'm hungry," he said, shrugging. "And your cooking doesn't offend my artistic sensibilities."
Sanji frowned, his expression twisting into that of one offended.
"What"
Usopp, eyes fixed on the ground, jerked his thumb over his shoulder.
"…Oh."
Luffy, after reaching an agreement with Laboon, had taken to painting an oversized… approximation of the Straw Hat Jolly Roger on the whale's head. A very, very rough approximation.
"Okay!" Luffy said from somewhere behind the sniper. "This mark will be our contract! Make sure it doesn't get damaged by ramming your head into stuff!"
A threadbare, veil-thin effort at subtlety on Luffy's part, to encourage Laboon from injuring himself again. Commendable of his captain, Usopp conceded.
The paint job itself merely drove home once again that Luffy really didn't have any talents outside of fighting.
'And people,' Usopp amended. He reflected on the diverse, distinct, strong personalities that comprised their nonetheless cohesive crew. 'He does have a talent for leaving an impression and winning people over.'
"That is one shitty ugly skull-and-crossbones." Sanji said.
Usopp looked up and caught the chef mid-cringe.
"Would you believe me if I said that," he indicated the abomination with his thumb again. "Was almost our Jolly Roger?"
Sanji's look of morbid curiosity twisted into outright mortification.
"I don't wanna think about it," he said. "Who do I have to thank for averting that disaster?"
Usopp raised his hand.
"Good man."
"AAH!"
Nami's outcry drew in the rest of the conscious crew. Usopp trotted behind Sanji, who pranced and twirled his way to the outcropping near the lighthouse.
"What's the matter, Nami-san?" Sanji asked, laying out the meal he'd prepared with a flourish. "If you're hungry, fear not! Lunch is served!"
"The compass," she cried, holding out the device face-up for them all to see. "It's broken! The needle won't stop spinning!"
"Oh yeah," Usopp murmured absently, half of his attention on the food. He reached for a cut of fish before his black hole of a captain set in. "Normal compasses don't work out here."
"Did you really come so unprepared?" Crocus asked with a scoff. "This isn't your backyard! This ocean follows a strain of logic all its own- anyone of a mind that a standard compass will see them through the Grand Line is doomed to a short voyage!"
"I had no idea," Nami said, chewing her lip. "Does it have to do with a magnetic field?"
"Yes, there are several blah blah…"
Crocus gave Nami a brief overview of the finer details of the Grand Line's unique meteorology and weather patterns, or rather, the lack of patterns. Usopp tried to follow the conversation for a solid five seconds before he surrendered and zoned out. Nami would adapt and figure things out. Luffy's confidence in her ability was far from unfounded.
"Hey," Luffy said mid-chew. "This bluefin trunk tastes great!"
Usopp seemed to be the only person listening.
"Gimme some!" He insisted, grabbing at the oversized fish snout in his captain's hands.
"Get your own!"
"You are literally holding the entire trunk!" Usopp retorted. He stabbed a fork into the fish and snapped off a fraction. He stuffed it into his mouth before Luffy could retaliate. Gluttonous as his captain could be, not even he dove into people's mouths for food.
"Hey," Usopp said, perking up. "This is good!"
"Told ya!" Luffy beamed. The brief scuffle had already been forgotten.
"If you aim to navigate this sea," Crocus said, calling back the sniper's wandering attention. "You need a log pose."
"Whassat?" Luffy asked around his still-full mouth. "Like a weird compass?"
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a transparent bulb sitting in the middle of small leather strap meant to fit around the wrist. A needle like that from a compass sat in the center of the glass sphere.
"Like this?"
"Yes," Crocus nodded. "That's right."
"Luffy," Nami said, voice saccharine and deadly as she loomed over the boy captain. "Where exactly did you get that?!"
She punctuated her question with a swift blow to the head, knocking him over.
"I just found it," Luffy groused, rubbing the impact site of Nami's fist. "Those weird poachers dropped it when we tossed 'em overboard."
"Really?" She asked, her focus already off Luffy. She strapped the log pose to her wrist. "That's pretty lucky."
"Why'd you hit me?" Luffy whined, more on principle than due to any real injury.
'Because you provoked the whale,' Usopp supplied as he chewed. 'Screwing around inside the whale, attacking Laboon the second time.'
"Felt like it." Nami said.
Usopp nodded, smirking.
'A lazy answer, maybe, though still valid.'
"U-so~pp."
The sniper tensed. He recognized Nami's singsong tone and knew that punishment of some form followed. He ducked his head under another of the cartographer's haymakers.
"What'd I do?" He asked, standing up and backpedaling while she pursued.
"You knew we needed a log pose," she yelled. "You couldn't have warned me earlier?!"
"Sorry!" He exclaimed, narrowly sidestepping another ballistic fist. "I wasn't thinking about it! We didn't have a lot of time in Loguetown, and we've got one now! We're fine, aren't we?"
Nami held her glare for a second. Relenting, she sighed.
"Fair enough." She conceded.
"Hey," Luffy protested. "How come he gets off easy?"
"Precedent," she answered shortly, studying the log pose. "You test my sanity as naturally as you breathe. I'm holding out some hope that Usopp can be taught."
Usopp almost opened his mouth, a defensive retort on his tongue. He paused, and with only half a second's thought, reconsidered. He'd take the reprieve.
Nami could hit hard when she got angry.
Luffy grumbled and loosed his appetite unto the bluefin again.
"There aren't any markings." Nami noted, eyeing the needle.
"The islands of the Grand Line," Crocus explained. "Each have their own distinct magnetic field. They operate according to their own laws of physics. The log pose records the field connecting one island to the next. The needle will guide you."
Crocus cast his gaze out toward the open sea.
"Starting at this cape, you must choose from among seven fields. There are any number of paths to travel, but all roads eventually end at the same place," he said. "Raftel. The stuff of legends, the final island of the Grand Line. In all of known history, only one band of pirates has ever set foot on its shores. The Pirate King and his crew."
Goosebumps ran up Usopp's arm. They'd been close in his first run- as far as he knew, closer than anybody else had been- yet he only knew Raftel by name and reputation.
"Sounds awesome." Luffy said, grinning around the fish bones in his teeth. "Can't wait to see it!"
Crocus smiled, a faint upward tick of his lip.
"Okay, let's shove off," Luffy said with a burp. "I'm full."
A beat.
"You ate the whole thing?!" Sanji shouted. The cook's eyes bugged out at the completely empty platter sitting between the three of them.
Usopp blinked at the chef. In so many words, their captain had just said that.
Luffy's I'm full translated loosely to Food's gone. 'Food' included meat, vegetables, fruit, bread, mold, crumbs, grease and bones.
"Nuh-uh," Luffy said. "Usopp had some."
"I had half of a portion." The sniper said indignantly.
"We'll have to be careful with this," Nami said, either unaware of or willfully ignoring the spat behind her. "Our journey hinges on i"
Krish.
A ballistic Luffy, courtesy of a hard kick from Sanji, cut her short. He sailed past her and smashed the spherical glass compass mid-flight.
The navigator gaped at her wrist, horrified.
"I wanted Nami-san to have the best of that dish, you shitty rubber!"
Sanji chewed out his pouting captain, both oblivious to the consequences of their squabble. With an inarticulate cry of frustration- if words were involved, Usopp couldn't make them out- Nami sent both of them flying over the cliff toward the sea.
Usopp sidled closer to the cliff, careful to remain out of Nami's line of sight.
"I'll just, uh, be over here." He said, tracking Luffy's ascent back to sea level via Haki, just in case he needed to intervene.
Crocus watched the kids sail off. He'd given them his own log pose. All told, and their numbers aside, they were on a slightly more even playing field with all the other pirates searching the Grand Line. Though they'd only stopped at his cape for a couple hours, they'd stirred up a lot of trouble.
He chuckled. The poachers had washed up to shore, looking for a favor. The boy's navigator had fun jerking them around.
("Let me get this right- you two want us to give you a lift?"
"Yes."
"And you want to go to an island called Whiskey Peak."
"Yes."
"Uh-huh. This after you tried to kill the whale. Laboon, who our captain just befriended."
"Ye-yes."
"…"
"… We appeal to your kindness and compassion."
"Ri~ght. To be clear, that log pose you lost- you mean this one?"
"!"
"Yeah, I don't think we can go anywhere with this."
"You thieving, careless, no-good pirate bi-!"
"Bu~t we do have the log pose Crocus gave us!"
"We appeal to your kindness and compassion.")
At the end, the Straw Hat captain put the poachers out of their misery and agreed to bring them along. Crocus warned the boy against it.
("You sure about them, kid? There's no changing your course once you've set out."
"If we don't like it, we'll just take a different route next time."
"Heh.")
He'd made his choice by then, of course.
Crocus waved as the caravel shrank on the horizon. They were an unconventional crew, to say the least.
The captain more or less did what he wanted and barely listened to anything the others had to say; the sniper bickered with him like they were kids and seemed prone to mood swings; the swordsman spent most of the time napping; the cook was clearly a pervert; the young woman looked to have a quick temper, yet she seemed to be the one holding things together. They had, at best, a functional dysfunction.
They were nakama, through and through.
Crocus smiled, feeling more than a little nostalgic.
"That brat might actually pull it off," he said, speaking to the phantom of a memory. "He's got a certain quality about him. He's definitely got the chutzpah down pat."
Crocus glanced skyward.
"Don't you think, Roger?"
Nefertari Vivi's nature inclined her toward kindness, honesty and a fierce protective streak for anything and anyone she cared about. That being so, it had taken her awhile to settle into the far more callous character of Miss Wednesday. Her will and ability to fight had never been an issue- she could be scrappy. She'd learned how to throw a punch at an early age. The difficulty came with what, exactly, was expected of her.
Her employers didn't abide by anyone who questioned orders, no matter how morally or ethically ambiguous. And she'd had to make herself worthy of notice to achieve her current standing and set herself apart from the thousands of others in the organization.
An organization founded on lies and secrecy.
She'd done things she didn't feel proud of, yet she never broke character. The stakes involved were set far too high for that.
"Hey, woman," Mr. 9 called from his seat at the galley table. "Don't you have a space heater or something?"
"It's frigid in here." Vivi groused, huddling her knees up to her chin under the blanket she had wrapped around herself. She didn't like taking advantage of people, nor being a whiner. She mollified her repressed conscience with the fact that they were only exploiting pirates.
"Shaddup!" Nami snapped. Vivi recalled her name from various overheard exchanges. "This isn't a luxury cruise, and you two aren't guests! At best, you're hitchhikers!"
"Nami-swan," the cook called from on deck. "How long shall I continue shoveling?"
"Until it stops, Sanji-kun!"
"Yes, my love!"
The navigator peered out the window, her expression one of incredulity.
"This ocean is insane. There was nothing but sun and clear skies an hour ago!"
Vivi rolled her eyes. The crew clearly had no idea what they were getting into.
"Ta-dah!" A boyish voice, one Vivi recognized as the captain, exclaimed from somewhere outside. "Meet Mr. Snowman, the frozen guy from way up high!"
"Heh! As ever, your artistic abilities are appalling, Captain," another voice (the long-nose, since the swordsman had been asleep last Vivi saw) said in a smug tone. "Behold, my Snow Empress!"
"Whoa! That's so cool! But can she take a Snowman Punch?"
Poompf!
T-dooph!
The sound of packed snow exploding into powder preceded an indignant outburst.
"Why you little-!"
Another impact.
"Ahh! Mr. Snowman! I'll avenge you!"
Snowballs of various make and size whizzed in and out of sight of the window.
Piff.
"Agh!"
A flustered outcry. The swordsman was awake, then.
"What're you idiots doing?!"
"Hey, no fair yelling at me," Luffy said, tone childish and petulant. "Usopp threw that one."
"Sorry, Zoro," Usopp said, though he sounded only semi-sincere at best. "I misjudged my shot."
"Don't feed me bull!" Zoro shouted, the sound of boots crunching in the snow at a furious pace filling the chilled air. "You're the damn sniper! You don't 'miss'!"
"Whoo-hoo!" Luffy cheered. "Tag! We're playing tag!"
"I am not playing!"
The clomping footfalls suddenly stopped. A loud silence followed, broken by the utterly befuddled question
"Why's it snowing?"
"You just noticed now?"
"Shishishishi! Zoro's a moron!"
"I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT FROM YOU!"
"I will never understand how those guys find the energy to actually enjoy this weather." Nami sighed.
The absolute absurdity of the whole scene almost drew out a very unladylike snort from Vivi. Either these pirates were unnaturally hardy, or particularly dim and doomed to a short voyage.
"You're far too casual about traversing the Grand Line." Mr. 9 said.
"You've left the rudder practically unattended," Vivi added. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"
"What are you talking about?" Nami asked, brow knitted and lips tugged in a frown at the thinly veiled barb. "I just checked our course. We're"
Half a second passed between the navigator's eyes flickering down to the log pose and the young woman loosing a panicked shriek.
"Hey!" She ran outside, shouting at the men. "Turn us around, quick!"
"Why?" The boy captain asked. "Did you forget something?"
"Somehow," Nami stammered. "Somehow the ship's turned around a full hundred and eighty degrees! I only took my eyes off the log pose for two minutes, tops!"
Mr. 9 guffawed. Vivi shook her head.
"Are you sure you're a navigator?" Her partner mocked.
The fiery-haired woman rounded on them, her face baring a promise of pain.
"You think you know the ocean," Vivi said, only slightly patronizing. "But on the Grand Line, that log pose is all that stands between you and death. You follow?"
Faster than either 'poacher' could react, they found themselves hurled bodily out of the galley and onto the deck.
"Okay, know-it-all's," she barked. "Quit freeloading! Up off your asses and get to work!"
Chaos reigned as they struggled to maintain their heading. They navigated icebergs and bipolar weather, repaired bilge leaks and ripped sails, contended with giant sea dwellers, skirted past whirlpools…
All of which comprised their first hour.
To the small band's credit, they proved surprisingly adaptable.
"Oh, yeah!" The long-nose exclaimed. Vivi made an effort to avoid using their names in her mind- dehumanizing them made her role as Miss Wednesday a bit easier to play. "I nearly forgot!"
Thwack!
"Geh!"
Vivi gawped at the sniper, who'd just thrown a boomerang at the swordsman's head. Said swordsman suffered the blow. Small wonder, considering his back had been to his mate and he'd been in the middle of lowering the sails.
"Dammit, Usopp!"
"You're the one who wanted to resume training as soon as possible." The sniper said, as though 'training' could ever justify striking a shipmate.
"There's a fucking typhoon on top of us," the navigator screamed. "And you want to train now?!"
"You're right," the swordsman said after a beat, wearing a vicious grin. "It's perfect."
Not for the first time, Vivi face-faulted.
"Don't worry, Nami! I won't hit him too hard, he'll still be able to help!"
"I will break both of you if those sails aren't lowered in eight seconds!"
"Ah~!" The captain sighed. "A gentle spring breeze!"
"What is this ocean?!"
"The greatest in the w"
"Break you, Usopp!"
'Who the hell are these people?!'
"Hey."
Zoro called out the two 'poachers' after the freak weather had tapered off. Most of the crew either sat or lay flat out in various states of exhaustion. They'd been spent by the past few hours of madness. Nami and the 'whale hunters' seemed content to lay supine for a while. The cook got back to his feet after what looked to be a fair bit of internal debate. Usopp remained upright, though he, too, looked a little weary, propped against the mast. Even Zoro felt like he'd gotten a workout, not that he'd ever admit to it around the cook.
Luffy sat on the figurehead, carefree and without any outward signs of fatigue whatsoever. The bastard.
"Remind me again," Zoro said. He loomed over them, even as he crouched. "What'd you say your names were?"
The pair of posers, for Zoro knew what they were, sat up and inched backward. They pressed themselves against Merry's railing, creating any and all distance they possibly could.
"Miss Wednesday." The blue-haired woman said.
"M-Mr. 9." The joker in a crown stuttered.
"That's right," Zoro said. He rubbed a hand over his jaw, as though thinking. He split his lips into a grin. "That's been stuck in my mind. Almost feels like I've heard those names somewhere before."
Zoro's reputation had captured the attention of a lot of people in East Blue. Though he'd traveled with Johnny and Yosaku, he'd never considered himself a team player. Nonetheless, Luffy hadn't been the first person looking to recruit him. He'd been approached multiple times by several groups. Some were just a gathering of bounty hunters looking for extra muscle- others were a bit more than that.
"Then again," he said, voice low and rumbling, meant for their ears only. "Maybe I haven't."
He gave Mr. number and Miss day a choice. A choice, and an implicit message not-so-subtly hidden in the razor edge of his sharp, knowing grin.
This crew will not be an easy mark for you.
Zoro recognized certain threats that the others, bar maybe Usopp, wouldn't. That made dealing with those threats his job.
Plus, watching them sit and sweat was kinda fun.
"Okay," Nami declared. She'd recovered and stood in the middle of the deck, calling for everyone's attention. "It's become abundantly clear to me that my navigation skills are useless here!"
Zoro raised an eyebrow as he stood. Nami looked fairly confident despite her announcement.
"The good news is, I understand where the Grand Line got its reputation." She said. She smiled, every inch of her determined to rise to the challenge despite the insanity they'd just endured.
Zoro silently approved.
"Even better," Nami said, stepping up to the bow of the ship. A mist on the horizon cleared up, revealing an island comprised of giant cactuses. Whiskey Peak. "We're here."
"Well then," Miss day said, leaping up onto the bow's rail with her partner. "We'll be taking our leave now!"
"Thanks for the ride," Mr. number said with a sly grin. "Bye-bye baby!"
They kicked off and dove into the ocean, swimming for the shore. Zoro paid little mind to their antics- he wouldn't be so easily distracted.
"So, we dock here?" He asked. He scanned the shoreline. "Up that river?"
"We have to," Nami said, tapping the glass log pose. "This needs time to adjust to the island's magnetic field before we can continue. Each island's different, so it could be a matter of minutes, hours, or days before it resets."
"We'll need to be alert," Usopp said. "For all we know, monsters live here."
"This is the Grand Line," Sanji said. "Given what we went through to get here, just about anything's possible."
"We've gotta sail up the river," Luffy said. "Because it's there!"
Zoro huffed a short laugh. His captain had the right idea. There wasn't any point sitting around wondering what they might encounter.
They sailed inland, the mist thickening as they got closer. Zoro kept his guard up. He swept his gaze up and down the shore, one hand resting over his katana as the sound of voices floated toward them from the still-murky shore.
The mist broke, and-
"Pirates! Welcome to our island!"
Zoro stared.
'Say what.'