A/N: Take a load off. Read a chapter. *Bows*
I own not Oda's One Piece.
Usopp frowned at Vivi. Zoro had knocked her a fair ways away. The sniper had walked a block up the street to retrieve his boomerang. He'd retraced his way back slowly, and parked himself at the mouth of an alley beside the building Zoro lounged on.
His countenance had less to do with the princess herself and more to do with his own uncertainty. The fun part of his evening done, the sniper was left with several hours his memory barely accounted for. He knew the conclusion of the night in his 'first round', though again, only just. More than a decade removed, mentally at least, from when he'd gotten an abbreviated account of their night at Whiskey Peak, he couldn't determine the specifics of how events between point A and point B played out.
Oh, he could guess- and, in all likelihood, he probably knew enough to piece together a damn good guess. Usopp was the crew's resident coward, though, and he suffered from anxiety that bordered on paranoia. He didn't like flying by the seat of his pants. It had been different with Nami. The rest of the crew had a vested interest in helping her- helping one of theirs. The 'what ifs' were easier to ignore and suppress when he could confidently remind himself that his nakama were backing him up. He took comfort in knowing that they were all on the same page, even if his printed edition didn't match theirs word for word.
None of the sniper's crew mates knew Vivi's real name, let alone her struggles. With no reason to care, they had no reason to fight. If any one of them, particularly Luffy or Sanji, knew why Vivi fought, they wouldn't need much of a push. Usopp did know that Vivi's cover with Baroque Works had been blown. Hence why, at the end of the night, she'd been willing to throw in her lot with pirates.
Except Usopp couldn't reasonably claim to know Vivi's real identity, nor could he think of a way to communicate with the princess.
("Vivi, I know you're undercover right now, but you need to come with us! You've been compromised!")
Not without raising a lot of questions from her.
("How do you know that name? No, I mean- even if I were someone else, how would you know about it? Why should I believe you, and who the hell are you?")
Or from his crew mates.
("Usopp, did you spike your booze with something… recreational?"
"How do you know about Baroque Works, let alone an agent's real name? She doesn't look like any of the bounty hunters I've heard of.")
Questions that Usopp really didn't want to answer.
He… could answer, but he couldn't bring himself to lay out the truth, even for his nakama.
The sniper couldn't handle even the thought of their disappointment in him.
Snff.
Great, he'd made himself sad. Usopp swiped the back of his hand over his eyes, grimacing.
"Usopp?"
The sniper's shoulders jerked, startled by Nami's voice just behind him. He swore under his breath. On top of everything else swirling through his traitorous, inherently pessimistic mind, his Haki felt off. Nowhere near enough to be a detriment in a fight, at least none at the level of the evening's entertainment. He'd discovered years ago that he wasn't totally immune to surprises, though, especially in an emotional frame of mind. The buzz in his head only made it trickier to focus.
"What's up with you?" Nami asked. She held her Climatact against one shoulder, pieces snapped together.
"I made plans for a bazooka." Usopp said, his conscience throbbing like a wound even as his brain easily provided the not-lie.
Nami blinked, still looking askance at him.
"I'm very passionate about new weapons." The sniper added after a beat.
"Right." Nami said slowly, raising an eyebrow.
Usopp's savior came in the form of a swordsman who'd apparently been listening for want of other things to do.
"He's drunk." Zoro said plainly.
… Sort of.
Nami's gaze trailed upward, finding Zoro, who had leaned across the edge of the roof to look down into the alley. The navigator's eyes went wide, snapping back to Usopp.
"Really?" She asked, wearing an incredulous expression. "Didn't you only have, like, eight drinks?" Her eyes flickered back up to their more stoic crew mate. Zoro grunted an affirmative sound.
"You done?" Usopp asked with a sigh.
"It's just surprising, that's all," Nami said, shifting her weight with a pointedly teasing grin. "You're so competent at practically everything else. Of all the things that could've been your weakness- you, a pirate- I never would've guessed booze."
Usopp's eye twitched. On the one hand, his moment that Nami had stumbled upon had been all but forgotten. On the other hand, he really didn't need the crew's two most notorious drinkers picking on him for his slightly misplaced sobriety.
"You finished up quick," he said, gesturing to her. "That a good or a bad thing?"
Nami's eyes flashed, the banter and ribbing abandoned, latching onto her favorite subject- money.
"Oh," she said, her grin betraying her faux-modest tone. "It's not a lot. Just abo~ut one hundred thousand beri."
She chortled.
"If this is the sort of profit I can make in one night on the Grand Line," she said. "I could buy an island within a couple years."
Before Usopp could poke holes in that fantasy, the fatal detail of Luffy's stomach in particular, Zoro cut in from above.
"We've got more company," he said. "Doesn't sound like they're interested in us, though."
Usopp poked his head out into the street just in time to see Igaram make an aborted move for his bowtie. He recognized the moment Igaram remembered that his weapons had been essentially ruined. The sniper felt a bit bad as the older man threw himself bodily at the two new agents on the scene, both of whom he actually recognized.
He didn't think he could forget someone who'd knocked him around with explosions after planting him in the ground like a vegetable. Nor a woman who came uncomfortably close to crushing him.
Mr. 5, sporting shades and a dark trench coat, regarded Igaram with a slight sneer, one finger rooting around his nose. Miss Valentine, whose wardrobe theme appeared to be lemons for some reason, hid a contemptuous giggle behind her hand.
Nez Palm Cannon!
Mr. 5 flicked a booger at Igaram. Like every other part of the walking bomb's body, it exploded on impact, blasting the acting agent out of the street.
"Igaram!" Vivi screamed.
The princess barely had time to express her concern before Miss Valentine shot out from the resulting dust and smoke.
"Kyahaha!"
Vivi's head snapped to one side from a harsh kick that shattered the ring holding her hair in a ponytail. She snarled and lashed out with one of her peacock strings, a weapon Usopp knew to be of her own design- a string that attached to a ring around her pinky finger with a lightweight, sharp blade fashioned after a feather at the other end.
Miss Valentine avoided Vivi's retaliation with room to spare, still laughing at her.
Usopp darted out into the street just then.
"Sorry," he said in a flat tone, only a li~ttle louder than strictly necessary. "I won't be a second." He grabbed his bloated captain by the collar. "This is ours. I'm just- We'll be going now, ho-okay, you guys have a nice night."
On his way out, the sniper dropped several pellets in his wake. All of them incidentally went off between Vivi and the two agents targeting her. Smoke filled the street as he ducked back into the alley.
"Oops," he said, affecting embarrassment. "I'm so~ clumsy!"
Intentional Accidental Smoke Star!
Nami's day had certainly been hectic enough, between the Sea Kings, the mountain, the poachers, and the absolutely fucked weather patterns. She had, for a moment, entertained the idea that some kind of cosmic balance would dictate that her evening rate a seven, ideally six, on the insanity scale, dialed back from the day's consistent nine.
She should've known better.
Oh, the night hadn't exactly been terrible. The boys- yes, even Luffy- had been fed. Better yet, they'd been fed on someone else's dime. Nami would never be too proud to exploit the hell out of a veil-thin honeytrap. She also got to disabuse several bounty hunters of some truly silly ideas.
"That's our money!"
Well, just the one silly idea, really. She had fun presenting her counterargument.
"Pi~rate!"
She also enjoyed punctuating her point with her Climatact.
More importantly, she made a profit, so not much could bring down her mood. Nonetheless, she would've liked to set a precedent by ending their first day on the Grand Line on a clean, comfortable high note.
Unfortunately, Nami resided in reality with everybody else.
"Was the smoke show exit really necessary?" Nami asked Usopp, frowning. They'd moved to a different side street after he dragged Luffy out of the direct line of fire.
"Stop picking on me," Usopp groused, practically whining. "I'm drunk."
Nami traded a flat, desert-dry look with Zoro. She glanced at one of the unconscious bounty hunters in the street, sporting a growing lump on his forehead. One situated directly between his eyes. The lack of lacerations marked him as Usopp's work, not Zoro's.
That being the typical level of precision from a man who claimed he'd 'accidentally' spilled smoke bombs in his wake.
Drunk, he said.
'Right.'
Boom.
Still, the explosions were moving farther away, not toward them. Nami took that as a good sign that they hadn't gotten irrevocably mixed up in the business of an imploding partnership between bounty hunters-turned-agents.
And, again, she made a profit. That left her decidedly less inclined to yell at him.
"In any case," she said, shrugging. "I don't think there's anything left for us on this island. We might as well get ready to ship out. Usopp"
"Wait!"
Nami blinked and turned around. Mr. 8, or Igaram, apparently, had managed to find them. He clutched at Zoro's boot, desperation lending him strength despite his injuries. Nami sighed, mourning the death of any hope that her life could be simple for even one minute.
"What?" Zoro asked, confused, then angry. "What do you want?"
"Mr. Bushido!" Igaram said, directing his gaze at Usopp for a moment. "Pinocchio-san!"
Nami rolled her eyes while the marksman grumbled something unfriendly behind her.
"Like I was saying," she continued, as though they hadn't been interrupted. "Usopp, go wake up Sanji-kun."
"You two are strong," Igaram said, coughing intermittently and raising his voice almost to a yell. "Far stronger than me! You may succeed where I've failed- please, protect princess Vivi!"
Nami paused, ears perking. She re-evaluated the situation.
'Princess?'
"I don't know who or what the hell you're talking about," Zoro growled, throwing out his leg in a kick that failed to dislodge Igaram's grip. "Let go!"
"He probably means that lady with the blue hair." Usopp said.
Zoro shot the sniper a dark look. Nami raised an eyebrow at him, prompting him to elaborate, even as Igaram gasped for a breath and another explosion went off in the distance.
"Just," Usopp said, averting his gaze. "Just from the way she speaks. All, you know… learned. Fancy education, I'd guess."
"He is correct!" Igaram exclaimed, before Nami could ponder over Usopp's assessment. "Princess Vivi must return to Alabasta, a kingdom far east of here! I beg you, please, take her there!"
"Still not our business," Zoro said, raising his leg again. "Still gonna cut you if you don't shove off."
"We'll do it."
Nami gave her most winning smile, ignoring the suspicious look Zoro threw at her. The swordsman finally managed to wrest his leg free, Igaram's grip loose with palpable relief. The cartographer knelt down, closing in on the opportunity.
"For a price."
"Ah," Igaram said, clearing his throat. "Of course. You'll be more than fairly rewarded for"
"One billion beri." She quoted with a wink.
"EH?! Ah- ahem…"
"That's nothing for royalty, right?" She asked, utterly and unapologetically rhetorical. She molded her expression into one of calculated innocence, just because she could. "I don't think I'm being unreasonable. It makes sense from a business perspective- the more high profile the client, the greater the danger and the bigger the payday. Plus, you're asking us to make a snap-second decision based on not much information. I'd hate to remember this moment as the time we were stiffed because of our inexperience on the Grand Line."
Nami's smile grew just a little bit larger, having effectively cornered her prey.
"Besides, you don't really have a choice, do you?"
Somewhere behind her, she heard Usopp mutter
"Ruthless."
Nami chose to take that as praise. She did not preen, internally or otherwise. Nobody could prove differently.
"I am just a soldier," Igaram said, haltingly. Face with Nami's unimpressed frown, he raised his voice. "But! I'm certain that after her attackers are dealt with, negotiations might be made with her majesty." He added, quick and desperate. "She's sure to be grateful, to say nothing of the king once she's returned home!"
"Done!" Nami said, hopping upright.
Normally, she would have pushed a bit more- demanded a down payment, at least, before rendering services. Her bounty from earlier had left her in a good mood, though.
"Okay, you two," she said. "Get to it!"
"Screw that!" Zoro snapped. "Don't drag us into your blackmail scheme!"
Before Nami could explain the subtle differences between 'blackmail' and a 'contract', Usopp interrupted.
"Sorry about this in advance, Captain."
Nami glanced over just as the sniper swung his oversized hammer
Bonk.
and slammed it down onto Luffy's skull.
The bloated pirate's head disappeared into his rotund, rubber body for a moment before it sprang back out.
"Wha?"
Igaram sputtered, shocked at the sight of a crew member striking his captain. Nami rolled her eyes, faintly amused by the image that popped into her head of Luffy as a gluttonous turtle.
"What are you doing?"
"Consulting," Usopp said shortly. Nami noticed the marksman had taken Luffy's hat in one hand. "As… riveting as watching you two argue might be, we don't have all night."
Nami noted that a tipsy Usopp was a sarcastic Usopp.
"Mwuh?"
Luffy murmured groggily.
"Hey Captain," Usopp said. He plopped the straw hat back where it belonged. "Nami wants to help out a princess."
Luffy blinked slowly, twisting his neck toward the navigator.
"There's treasure to be had." She trilled, laying out the bait. She knew that Zoro would go along with whatever Luffy had to say. She appealed to the boy captain's impulsive nature.
"Ah?" Luffy said, perking up a little.
"Luffy," Zoro interjected. "The 'princess' is one of the poachers who tried to kill Laboon. And this," he gestured at Nami with a hand. "Woman just wants to blackmail her anyway."
"Oh," Luffy said. His face split into a sleepy, dopey grin. "Shishishi. That sounds like Nami."
Apparently, he'd worked backwards from the last thing he heard, his reactions still slow and his brain still waist-deep in a food coma. While Zoro's comment about Nami amused him, he frowned once he processed that Vivi had been one of the poachers attacking his friend.
Nami swiftly and quietly kicked the swordsman in the shin. If Luffy really didn't want to get involved, she didn't know of any force on earth that could change his mind. Granted, he looked more confused than anything, like his brain hadn't sorted things into an order that made sense yet.
"Sounds like an adventure to me, Captain." Usopp said casually.
Some switch flipped and Luffy's eyes brightened. He sat up straighter.
"Yeah?" He asked. At Usopp's nod, he pushed to his feet. "Okay! Let's g- Ah."
Luffy's expression, excitement still colored by the dregs of sleep, flattened. Without further comment, he spun away from them and plodded off.
"Where are you going?" Nami asked.
"Gotta piss."
She sighed. Usopp shrugged, shouldering his hammer.
"Guess that settles it," he said, jogging away. "You coming, Zoro?"
Nami turned primly to give the swordsman a smug smile.
"Sounds like the Captain has made a decision."
Zoro scowled at her.
"There's a cozy spot reserved in Hell for you."
Nami beamed and waved at him as he ran after Usopp.
"Yes, yes. Looking forward to it!"
Vivi shot around a corner on Carue's back. The spot-billed duck skirted along the ground, braking hard and kicking off of a wall to make a full ninety-degree left turn onto the street leading out of town.
Whether the long-nose pirate meant to or not, he gave her an opportunity to bolt. Though she balked at the idea of leaving Igaram behind, she took it, leaping astride Carue while she was still invisible to Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine. In a town as small as Whiskey Peak, though, she ran out of nooks and convoluted routes to confuse her pursuers with in short order. Hence the mad dash toward the town's exit.
Miss Monday, thoroughly bruised and armed with a huge log of lumber, stood in the middle of the path beside a grinning Mr. 9. The broad-shouldered woman jabbed a thumb behind her.
"Go! Get out of here!" She yelled.
Vivi sat up straighter, grip tightening around the reins hitched to Carue's wide bill. She hesitated at the thought of leaving anyone else, even people she knew to be bounty hunters, behind. She'd worked alongside them for over a year. Carue slowed, though he didn't come to a full stop, stubborn and eager to keep her out of harm's way.
"We're screwed anyway," Mr. 9 said, swinging one of his bats over his shoulder. He never stopped grinning. "We didn't get the whale, we didn't get the brat's bounty. Losing tonight was just the last straw for us."
"If I'm going out," Miss Monday said. "I'm gonna go out helping a friend."
"But"
Nez-
Vivi bit her lip and drove Carue onward, pushing him back up to speed.
"Bye-bye, baby."
Palm Cannon!
Vivi set her jaw. Her former colleague's battle cries were drowned out in the wake of explosions, heat licking at her back. She didn't dare slow down- she knew Caure could outrun practically anything. If she found the ship Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine used-
"Kyahaha!"
Vivi barely had time to look up before Miss Valentine crashed into the road from overhead, the ground splintering into a spiderweb crack that exploded as a crater formed.
"Quack!"
Carue panicked, seizing and jerking mid-stride with indecision- he couldn't leap over the oncoming debris, nor could he brake fast enough to change course. Vivi went flying as Carue bucked, his feet scrabbling for purchase. She rolled across the ground one way, her long-time companion another. Biting back a groan, she forced herself to sit upright.
"Carue!"
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Mr. 5 flicking another booger bomb at her as she scrambled to get her feet under her.
A flash of reflected moonlight caught her attention, and in the next instant, explosions went off to her left and right behind her. She grit her teeth, seeing the swordsman standing between her and the agents.
"What now?!"
"Uh, check on the duck and run? Just a suggestion."
Vivi startled, only noticing the long-nose sniper as he shrugged at her, oversized hammer hanging across his shoulders. He turned toward Miss Valentine and her partner just as Vivi registered his comment.
'What?'
"I cut his booger!"
Zoro shouted in disgusted outrage. He frowned deeply at his katana, expressing almost physical pain at the idea that he'd used his sword to slice dried mucus.
"Technically, it was a bomb," Usopp said. He grimaced at the look Zoro gave him. "Yeah, you're right, that doesn't make it better."
"Seems like these no-name pirates want to get in our way, Miss Valentine." Mr. 5 said, sniffing dismissively at them.
"That's the general idea, yeah." Usopp said.
"Kyahahaha!" Miss Valentine laughed. "Then we'll just have to bury them, Mr. 5."
"Do you have a preference?" Usopp asked Zoro, twirling his hammer in one hand.
"I. Cut. His booger."
"O-kay, you get sparky boom-boom man."
Usopp broke away from the swordsman. Zoro charged Mr. 5 at the same time Miss Valentine took to the air.
"I can change my weight at will!"
Usopp hummed, watching the woman float by her parasol after shifting her weight significantly lower. He wondered briefly why she bothered explaining her powers to him- maybe she felt the need to call attention to herself next to a flashy partner like Mr. 5.
10,000 Kill-o-press!
"Ooh," Usopp said. "Good height, good application. But what if I," he jumped backward as she fell exponentially faster. "Do this?"
Miss Valentine got real heavy real fast, crashing into the ground and forming another crater.
"Execution could be better," he mused, raising his hammer. "Points for word play, though."
The agent recovered quickly, shooting out of the crater and meeting the head of Usopp's hammer with a weighted kick. She shot backward out of striking range by lightening her body again.
"ZORO! USOPP!"
Both fights came to a screeching halt at the sound of Luffy's outburst. The sniper frowned- his captain sounded legitimately upset. Borderline violent, if the flare of his nostrils was any indication.
"How dare you attack these people after they welcomed us and gave us food?!"
Usopp froze, eyes wide.
'Ohhhh shit.'
"Explain! Now!"
Usopp sweat bullets, mind racing. The situation at hand required finesse and consideration, not unlike handling a wild bear encounter.
"What the f"
"You got it wrong, Captain," Usopp shouted over Zoro. The swordsman's typical approach to an angry predator was to smack it. "We're fighting the guys who're causing trouble!"
The sniper gestured frantically to the pair of agents who'd come after Vivi. He raced over to the unconscious, singed form of Miss Monday, propping her up. Miss Valentine let him without interruption, probably taken aback by the absurdity of the scene.
"Remember the nun who drank with us?" He asked. He waved his hand to indicate the burns from Mr. 5's explosions. "He did it." He turned to Zoro, silently conveying urgency with his eyes. "Right, Zoro?"
The swordsman frowned, brow creased.
"Yeah, but"
"RAGH!"
Luffy, apparently having heard all he needed, snapped. A ballistic, bloated rubber missile crashed into Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine. Both agents went sailing through at least one and a half buildings. Luffy gave chase with a furious battle cry.
"Why'd you lie just now?" Zoro asked.
"Ah, ah," Usopp protested. "I didn't lie. I misled."
At the swordsman's unimpressed look, the sniper sighed, mostly out of profound relief.
"Because, Luffy was mad enough to pick a fight with us," he said. He winced, phantom pain spreading out from his gut at the memory of the first (and last, thank Kami) time he fought his captain. "I don't wanna fight Luffy. Do you?"
Zoro's expression turned thoughtful, his gaze tracking the path of destruction Luffy left in his wake. He actually hummed in consideration, thumbing the guard on Wado.
Usopp's jaw dropped.
"You are actually insane." He deadpanned.
"Who," Vivi said hoarsely. She stood beside Carue, staring after Luffy. "Who are you people?"
Usopp blinked at her.
"Guess we did sorta skip introductions before," he said. He shrugged. "We can talk more after Luffy gets back."
Vivi paled.
"Are you out of your mind?! Those two are officer agents!"
She shook her head and took a breath. Despite what she'd already seen, she clearly held some doubts that Luffy would actually win.
"Even if your captain does beat them, others will hunt down anyone who crosses Baroque Works- the whole organization's built on secrecy. If you want to survive, take your cook and your captain and run!"
"Run where?"
Vivi and Carue visibly jumped at Luffy's sudden return. The rubber pirate burped and patted his once-again-trim stomach.
"That wasn't a bad workout," he said idly. "Helps out a bunch with the digestion."
Vivi sputtered. Carue's bill fell open in bald, silent shock.
Before Usopp could set about explaining the situation in full detail to his captain, Nami appeared. She jogged through the rubble strewn all over the street up to them.
"Good work boys!" She commended. The navigator gave Luffy a pat on the head before addressing Vivi. "Nice to meet you, your highness. Your friend Igaram enlisted our services on your behalf."
"Uh." Vivi said eloquently.
With a smile, Nami uttered the most dangerous phrase anyone could hear out of her mouth.
"Let's talk business."
"No," Vivi said. "I do thank you for saving my life, but I can't pay you for your help."
Vivi had no intention of involving them anyway. No one else needed to risk their lives fighting Baroque Works. She glanced away from a frowning Nami toward a laughing Luffy. Usopp had spent the past few minutes explaining the bounty hunters' ruse to the boy captain.
"So that's it!" Luffy said, grinning and leaning back where he sat cross-legged on a barrel. "I thought you beat them up because you weren't happy with the meal! Wasn't sure about Usopp or Nami, though."
Vivi listened, utterly baffled- she struggled to comprehend how anyone could be so dense.
"That's something you would do, moron," Mr. Bushido said, scowling. "Why'd you lump us together?!"
"Shishishi! Hey, don't be mad!"
Usopp sighed, though the look he gave the straw-hat bearer was fondly exasperated.
"Why not?" Nami asked, drawing Vivi's attention back to her. "A billion beri must be chump change for royalty, right?"
Vivi drew in a fortifying breath. She'd composed herself somewhat with the lull in the evening's hectic events. She sat up straighter, resolved to be forthright and honest- after what they'd done for her, they deserved that much at the very least.
"Igaram and I infiltrated Baroque Works for information," she said. Her hands tightened into fists on her lap. "They're responsible for stirring up unrest in Alabasta- my home, once the most civilized and peaceful nation on the Grand Line- giving rise to riots and rebellion in the kingdom. We discovered the identity of the boss leading the organization. He spreads lies among his subordinates, deceiving and enlisting them with promises of a utopia."
Vivi glared beyond the crew, the small town and the island as a whole, directing her anger toward the monster destroying her home.
"The truth is, Baroque Works' goal is to conquer Alabasta!"
A beat of silence passed. Nami huffed out a disappointed sigh, though she regarded Vivi with much more sympathetic eyes.
"And a country in chaos doesn't have any real cash flow."
"You're pretty brave." Mr. Bushido said, eyebrows raised.
"Hey," Luffy said, rocking forward where he sat. "Who's the boss, though?"
Vivi startled. She shook her head and frantically waved her hands in front of her face.
"I can't tell you that! Now that it's come out that I know who he is, my life is worth mud! I won't put you in the same position!"
Luffy hummed, still curious and somehow not at all put off. Nami chuckled nervously.
"That's probably for the best," she said. "I mean, he's pretty much responsible for messing up a whole country. I know I don't want to mess with a guy like that."
"Exactly! We're talking about Sir Crocodile, one of the seven Shichibukai!"
The echo of a sound like a death knell hung over stunned, weighted silence. Vivi clapped her hands over her mouth, horrified.
Fwap.
The sound of rustling paper snapped through the quiet like a whip. Mr. 13 and Miss Friday, the Unluckies- a bipedal otter and a gun-toting buzzard respectively- watched them all from a rooftop. Mr. 13 flashed impressively accurate sketches of the four pirates before they both took off into the night.
"Well." Usopp said dryly. "That just happened."
"Guess we know now." Mr. Bushido said.
Vivi felt her face grow hot, stricken by a wave of nausea. She'd put the people who saved her life on a Shichibukai's hit list with a slip of the tongue.
"We're pretty lucky," Mr. Bushido chuckled. "We're gonna meet a Shichibukai soon."
"I wanna see this guy in person!" Luffy exclaimed, looking actually excited at the idea.
"Could you two at least pretend to be alarmed, or even mildly concerned?" Usopp asked, though he did so with the self-aware resignation befitting someone asking water to be dry.
"Those two are reporting back to him, aren't they?!" Nami screamed, snatching Vivi's coat collar and shaking her violently. "They already know- they've got our faces! We can't even run or hide!"
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry- I swear, it was a mistake!"
"Mistake?!" Nami shouted, releasing the princess. She put her face in her hands, a dark cloud descending over her head. "We're on a Shichibukai's blacklist!"
"Fear not!"
Vivi jumped at Igaram's voice. She whirled around, so glad that he was all right that his appearance took a moment to register.
"Why are you dressed like that?"
"Hey, Curly guy! You look great!" Luffy said, leaping up to greet Igaram.
The captain of Alabasta's Royal Guard had pieced together an imitation of Vivi's outfit- from the cropped shorts to her coat, even an approximation of her top. He'd painted his lips, and his large, curled hair had been repurposed into a ponytail that hung down behind him. The curls persisted, of course. Under each arm, he held two dummies made of stuffed burlap.
"Everything is under control," Igaram said, steady as ever. "I have a plan."
Usopp stood with the others, opposite where the Merry was docked, to see Igaram off. While the older man's disguise wouldn't hold up against any actual scrutiny, barring blindness or at least advanced glaucoma, he came up with a decent plan.
He volunteered himself, and four… 'body doubles' as a decoy for Baroque Works to track. He took Vivi's eternal pose- a log pose that always pointed toward a specific island on the Grand Line- for Alabasta. Meanwhile, the Straw Hats would escort Vivi home through the conventional route with their log pose.
Luffy, of course, agreed without a second thought.
More surprisingly, Nami followed suit soon after.
("Really? That easily, after all your fussing?"
"What? Our track record with changing Luffy's mind is next to nil, isn't it? Besides, I pretty much signed up for meeting Shichibukai when I agreed to navigate for guys like you two.")
Usopp suspected that Nami's income for the night was the cause of her relatively easygoing attitude. He wisely didn't comment.
Vivi smiled as Igaram departed. Usopp gave him a two-finger salute before turning back toward town. While the disguise wasn't great, let alone the burlap dummies, in the low light of the evening, his silhouette might at least-
BOOM!
Fwrr.
A huge explosion preceded a veritable wall of flames bursting forth on the horizon.
"H" Nami breathed, gaping with the others at the fire that lengthened their shadows far up the shore. "How?! How'd they get to him already?!"
Usopp stared, casting out his Haki as he pulled down both lenses of his goggles. He got a ping off of Igaram, thankfully, along with a couple others. He doubted that the guy came out unscathed, but the sniper had a more pressing concern.
Namely, who the hell set off-
He sucked in a sharp breath.
'Robin.'
Usopp's Haki had always been more inherently visual than auditory. When he'd first awoken his Observation, he'd noticed shapes- distinct, singular forms- before he noticed the 'voices'. He didn't know why. The Monster Trio had been, from what he could tell, perfectly adept at 'hearing' with their Haki. Luffy, who had an intimidating emotional intuition anyway, could read people to a frankly scary degree when he bothered to listen. Usopp looked almost deaf by comparison. The sniper had spent the ten years prior to castoff honing his 'hearing' for that very reason. He still lacked Luffy's ability to hear emotions, unless the feeling in question was extremely pronounced or otherwise obvious. He'd improved, though, and could pick out the 'voice' of someone he'd met before pretty reliably.
Maybe Usopp's focus on the visual aspect reflected his role as a marksman. Or maybe it had to do with his relative humanity compared to the monsters of the crew, whose senses and instincts only grew more animal with each day.
Despite that, even at his worst during his earliest days after awakening Observation, Usopp had never once mistaken the voice of any of his nakama. Yet just now, he'd heard Robin's voice first, and he only recognized her once he saw her.
"Usopp!" Zoro shouted, snapping the sniper's attention back to him. "We're moving out! Let's go!"
"R-right!" Usopp affirmed on an exhale, stumbling a few paces before he broke into an even pace with the swordsman. He counted himself lucky- he'd been on the precipice of doing something stupid, like shouting out to Robin.
By her actual name.
That would not have ended well.
The sniper went through the motions of running back to the ship and preparing for castoff on autopilot, distracted.
As hard as Usopp had trained back home, his anxious mind still outpaced his physical endurance on several occasions. To counteract waking nightmares during those times when he was too exhausted to move, yet too worried to sleep, he theorized and made idle plans. He barely remembered most of them, though one subject he revisited had been Haki.
The marksman came up with a working theory founded on his own concrete, hard-earned, self-documented speculation. Observation Haki, roused by repeated moments of critical stress, grew as a result of mental discipline. The voice that all living beings possessed reflected the creature's mind. Hence, glimpsing a person's next move. Hearing their intentions. In his case, he saw something that reflected… a person's sense of self, or some such aspect. Observation, literally observing something that was fundamental and distinct to an individual, made identification pretty easy.
Robin's 'voice' had the most restrained, disarmingly placid sound he'd ever heard. The Robin he remembered did possess a preternatural calm, but he never associated her with the sort of strictly self-imposed, brittle tranquility he picked up on. He didn't want to think about the implications. Not that his preferences ever had much influence on his damn brain.
Thankfully, he shook himself of the pitch dark train of thought with the arrival of Luffy, dragging a very-awake-and-swearing Sanji behind him by the leg.
A whistle disturbed the night, and Usopp turned his head at a responding
"Quack!"
"There you are!" Vivi said, sounding more than a little irritated at Carue, who waved a wing blithely from the bow.
With everyone aboard, they shoved off, heading up the river that would feed into the ocean.
"Wait!" Sanji said, sitting upright. "We just got here! Why are we leaving already? The girls, the food, the girls- can't we"
Before Usopp could advise him to shut up, Nami explained things to him.
Wordlessly and succinctly.
With her fist.
The cook had no further complaints.
"Almost morning," Nami said, an idle observation while she checked the log pose again. "This fog should settle soon."
"Take care to avoid the rocks."
Usopp steeled his nerves at Robin's rich, familiar voice.
"Thank goodness you managed to escape."
He swallowed at her usual brand of teasing.
"Who the hell are you?!" Zoro said, hand flying to his swords.
Usopp peeked slowly over his shoulder.
Sitting casually on the upper deck's balustrade, a tall, lightly tan woman, with an angular face framed by shoulder length black hair, regarded them with effortlessly intelligent brown eyes.
Robin, clad in a cowboy-themed outfit and matching purple hat, tapped a finger against her cheek, wearing a faint, amused smile.
"That's Miss All Sunday," Vivi said, tensing with Robin's appearance. She said the name in a tone that carried a warning. "What are you doing here?!"
"This is a nice ship." Robin said idly, her expression never once shifting.
"Vivi," Nami said, eyes darting back and forth between Robin and the princess. Usopp noted, with some pride, that she'd moved one hand toward her collapsed Climatact. "What now? Who is she?"
"She's Mr. Zero's partner," Vivi said. "She's the one we tailed to figure out who ran Baroque Works."
"Correction," Robin said. "I let you follow me."
"Huh," Luffy said, looking at Vivi with a surprised expression. "That was nice!"
"We knew that!" Vivi countered, plainly frustrated. "But then you told Crocodile we knew his identity!"
Luffy frowned back at Robin, lips puckered.
"Well that was mean!"
"What do you want, anyway?!"
"You might call it a whim," Robin hummed, eyes tracing over each of them. "I saw how earnest you were. Really, a princess declares war on Baroque Works to save her country. The captain of the Royal Guard acts as a decoy."
Vivi flinched and set her jaw, glowering.
"It's the silliest thing, isn't it?"
"You think it's funny?!"
At Vivi's outburst, Zoro unsheathed his katana, Nami snapped together her Climatact, and, from behind Robin, Sanji cocked a pistol at her head.
"I don't know what's happening," Sanji said, sounding a little off-balance. "But I'm not a fan of strangers making threats."
Robin's slight smile fell, and she closed her eyes, looking vaguely exasperated more than anything.
"Don't point things at me," she said. "It doesn't end well."
In the next moment, Sanji went flying over the balustrade down to the lower deck. Nami and Zoro's weapons clattered down a half-second later, through no will of their owners.
Only Usopp caught the flickering appearance of extra arms and hands.
"The hell was that?!"
"A devil fruit?"
Sanji rolled over and upright, catching a full view of Robin from below.
"Oh!" He exclaimed, immediately enthralled. "Gorgeous!"
"Relax," Robin said, practiced amusement back in place. "I've no orders regarding you right now, so there's no reason to fight."
Usopp liked that idea. He wanted to believe her.
Nakama-to-be or not, though, certain things just weren't okay.
Chief among them, toying with Luffy's hat.
His Captain's treasure appeared to float off the rubber boy's head toward Robin. Usopp jumped and snatched it out of the air before it reached her.
For the first time since she'd appeared on the ship, the archeologist's expression shifted. The marksman saw the faint arch of an eyebrow.
"Don't." Usopp said.
Among all the things he'd done, in his first round and his second, staring down Nico Robin as an enemy ranked within the top five on his list of Things I Should Have Worn Brown Pants For.
Nonetheless, he held his gaze, plopping the hat back on Luffy's head.
"Hm," Robin mused. "Monkey D. Luffy, leader of the Straw Hat Pirates. You've recruited some reliable people, it seems."
"Course I did," Luffy said, nostrils aflare, one hand still on his hat. "They're the best."
"Unfortunate, then, that you've been marked for death, all because you made friends with a princess," Robin continued. She tossed something toward Vivi. "Though, with your log pose pointing toward Little Garden, I suppose it doesn't matter. Baroque Works doesn't even need to kill you."
Vivi caught the object- an eternal pose labeled Nothing.
"That," Robin said, folding one arm over the other in her lap. "Is an island one stop away from Alabasta, on a route free from danger. Not even our agents know about it."
Half a beat.
"Wait," Nami said. "Is she helping us or not?"
"It's gotta be a trap," Zoro said. "Why else would she give us an easy way out?"
"Curiosity."
Usopp felt three pairs of eyes zero in on him. Four, if he included Robin's sidelong look. Sanji remained enraptured by the older woman. Luffy kept staring down the stranger on his ship.
"She clearly likes to play games," Usopp elaborated. "She's got some sorta interest in us- maybe she's hoping to be surprised." He shrugged. "Or, maybe it's a one-way ticket to messy dismemberment."
While Nami and Vivi paled a bit at that image, Robin's smile widened by a hair's breadth.
"What a cute idea."
Vivi frowned at the eternal pose in her hands, thoughts clearly churning.
Luffy didn't give her much time to deliberate.
"Who cares?"
Krsh!
Went the glass orb in his fist.
"What did you do that for?!" Nami shouted.
"She doesn't get to decide," Luffy said firmly. "The course of this ship!"
Luffy's rare display of his authority as Captain stayed Nami's hand from his head. The navigator stammered.
"But- she gave us"
"Captain's order." Zoro said.
Nami groaned, throwing up her hands.
"I see," Robin said, her voice and expression betraying nothing of her reaction to Luffy's choice. "Well, there's something to be said for a strong will."
She stood fluidly from the balustrade, striding to the outer railing.
"If you survive," she said, casting a final, cursory glance behind her. "Perhaps we'll meet again."
"Hope not." Luffy snorted.
With that, Robin took her leave, riding a cigar-smoking giant turtle with his own cowboy hat into the dawning morning.
"So," Sanji said, drawling around a fresh cigarette. "Can I get some clue as to what the shitty hell's going on?"
"Later, Sanji-kun," Nami said. "Let's get out onto open ocean first."
"As you wish, Nami-san." The cook capitulated.
"I shouldn't be doing this," Vivi said, shoulders slouched. She leaned on the railing, one hand fisted tight. "I'm putting you all in danger just being here."
"Excuse me?" Nami said, tone sharp and annoyed. She jabbed the desert princess in the forehead with her index finger. "We're already waist deep in this because you couldn't keep your mouth shut!"
"I said I was sorry…"
A thought struck Usopp.
"By the way, Vivi," he said, getting her attention. "You should probably know, Igaram's still alive."
Vivi whipped around to face the sniper fully. Luffy twisted his head toward him with a grin, and Zoro cast a more sedate smile his way. Nami looked marginally more at ease.
"What? How-? She said she"
"I mean, he probably got injured," Usopp said, shrugging. "But he's definitely not dead."
"That's great!" Luffy cheered.
"But how do you"
"Haki?" Zoro asked.
"Haki."
Zoro nodded.
"Well that's good news, at least." Nami said.
"What?" Vivi asked, looking between the four of them, bewildered.
"Okay," Sanji said. "Lower priority question, but again I ask- the hell's Haki?"
"It's morning!" Luffy declared, attention span for the subject already spent. "Sanji! Make breakfast!"
Usopp sighed and rubbed his eyes, facing the sunrise.
He had a long day coming.