A/N: Happy...
"Mmbaagh!"
Dorry grin, sighing in satisfaction. He discarded the last of the grog barrels he'd taken from the ship just as the island's volcano erupted again.
"He's active today."
He retrieved his longsword, taking to his feet.
"Wait," Vivi said in spite of herself. "You're going out again? What about your injuries?"
Though she had a lot on her mind, she couldn't help feeling concerned, and not a bit incredulous. Never mind that she couldn't understand why he fought- let alone fought to the death, an outcome she sought to prevent in her kingdom- but twice in the same day, after less than an hour at that?
"Gegyagyagya!" Dorry laughed, hoisting his shield. "If I sat out because of wounds like these, I couldn't call myself a warrior of Elbaf!"
"Fight well, giant-ossan!" Luffy called after Dorry's back.
"Hey," he said, turning to Vivi with a shining grin. "Let's get closer this time!"
Vivi balked at the suggestion. She tugged her hand away when Luffy made to snatch her wrist.
"I'll pass." She said.
Personally, she'd prefer to meet up with Nami and the others to make a plan. She could not wait a year for the log pose. Vivi didn't dare even imagine what Crocodile might do if left unchecked that long.
"But it's so cool~!" Luffy whined, staring after the giants as they circled one another. A marginally less explosive start than the battle earlier.
Vivi frowned. In the admittedly short time she'd known them, Vivi had found all the Straw Hats to be rather interesting characters, to say nothing of the captain. Though Luffy wielded considerable physical strength befitting his position on the crew, he behaved more like a child acting on his whims than any sort of leader she knew. Why, then, would he hesitate now?
'Oh.'
"I'll be fine, Luffy-san," she assured him, releasing him from his promise to Usopp, if only temporarily. "I can handle myself for a little while. Besides, I have Carue here. If Baroque Works shows up, at worst, we'll run away."
Luffy frowned, grumbling. Clearly conflicted, he nonetheless threw more than a few longing glances toward the fight. Vivi smiled, wondering how she'd happened on a group of people so willing to look out for her.
"We'll go find Nami-san and the others to make a plan afterward, okay?"
However kind they were, though, Baroque Works remained her problem, not theirs. She wouldn't begrudge Luffy his adventurous spirit.
"Okay!" Luffy said, capitulating with a grin. He ran off, whooping as he launched himself into the trees, one hand securing his hat. In spite of her worries, Vivi couldn't help smiling after him. Hard not to be charmed by a man who could befriend a wayward warrior and shoot the breeze with him within minutes of meeting.
Still, she did need to figure out how to move forward. Vivi chewed on her lip, turning the situation over again in her head. No force on earth could make a log pose set faster. She didn't want to even consider wandering out into open ocean, on the Grand Line no less, hoping for the best. Any number of things could go wrong.
Miss All Sunday's parting words certainly hadn't been baseless. The island was hardly lacking in hazards that could kill her and her companions, and a year of isolation all but guaranteed that Vivi couldn't stop Crocodile. The fact that he'd sent officer agents anyway only demonstrated his ruthlessness and intolerance towards loose ends.
Something about that last point snagged and stuck in her mind. Vivi frowned. Crocodile obviously didn't have any compunctions over eliminating anyone who threatened his schemes. All the same, he did not assign his agents missions expecting failure, either. He also wouldn't assign any of his agents to an isolated island like Little Garden for a year- he'd likely see that as a waste of potential resources.
Which meant whoever he'd sent- Vivi held to the assumption that Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine weren't working alone, if only to be cautious- they'd have a means of leaving the island.
The princess released her abused lower lip and sighed. They'd still have to confront Baroque Works directly, but she had a goal for their next step, at least.
"Better than nothing." She muttered.
Hearing no response nor reaction, she looked around, only to realize she was alone in Dorry's camp.
"Carue?"
Mr. 5 trudged out of the jungle toward the agreed-upon rendezvous point, dragging the bound and unconscious long nose behind him. Not for the first time, he cussed out the brat in his mind. He'd spent the better part of an hour on a wild chase, lost track of his partner, and failed to spike the booze. With only one captured Straw Hat to show for his efforts.
For all that, the brat didn't even have the decency to be worth his time. Behind his smart mouth and aggravating tricks, he was a fucking milksop all but allergic to pain.
'Brace yourself.' He'd said.
He missed!
The second he realized it, he'd screamed bloody murder before Mr. 5 shut him up. With a single Nez Palm Cannon to the face. After all the trouble he'd caused, the encounter had been so anti-climactic that Mr. 5 almost felt cheated.
Mr. 5 dropped him unceremoniously to the ground, still stone-cold unconscious. Mr. 5 huffed- blasting an unresponsive body never felt nearly as satisfying. Knocked out, the brat came off as less outwardly threatening than Mr. 3's partner. And Miss Goldenweek was an actual child.
"Mr. 5."
Mr. 3's voice cut short Mr. 5's deliberation over whether or not to blast the little shit again anyway.
"I can't help noticing that, despite my plan, neither of our gargantuan friends appear particularly handicapped."
Mr. 5 gulped, sweating. Faced with the thankless task of explaining himself to an unhappy superior, he inwardly cursed the long nose once more.
Carue grumbled, groaned and heaved himself onto shaky feet.
Of all the ways his lucky streak could have been broken- for indeed, he'd been lucky to have survived the past couple years- taking a leak had not been anywhere near his list of possibilities.
Undercover mission with his lifelong friend? Fine.
Fighting some scary strong pirates? Sure.
Found out by a homicidal organization? All good.
Landing on an island with prehistoric tigers, dinosaurs and giants? Peachy keen.
Why did nature's call have to be last straw?!
"Quack." Carue hacked out, clearing a damaged throat and shaking out his feathers.
The how didn't matter. The lemon wedge lady had Vivi.
("You know, princess, it's been a stressful day. And no one's been cooperating. No matter how many bruises I gave him, your loyal steed wouldn't cry for help. It's frustrating, and there's a serious lack of good catharsis here. Hollow bird bones aren't much fun to break. I need something satisfying to shatter. Like his beak."
"Stop! I understand, all right? I'll go with you! I won't even resist, just stop hurting him!")
Carue shook his head violently, dismissing chills from the memory of a steadily heavier foot on his bill. He pivoted on his feet, whipping his head around and searching the camp. Mounting a rescue by himself would be a death wish.
He needed to find Straw Hat.
THOOM!
"Whoa!"
Carue snapped his bill toward the outcry, almost drowned out by the sounds of the giants battling. The duck sprinted, pumping his legs for all they were worth. Vivi shouldn't have been forced to beg for his life in the first place. He was supposed to protect her, dammit!
Luffy whooped again at anther clash between the giants, his voice lost to all but the duck amid the sounds of a battle between titans. Carue panted, still hurt and winded from the brief sprint. He stared up at the sheer tree Luffy had perched in. He stabbed his bill into the trunk, again and again, harder each time. He clawed at it with his feet, jabbing until his face was almost numb.
Still, he couldn't get the pirate's attention.
Carue's eyes misted in frustration.
"QUACK!"
'Vivi!'
In the space of a blink, a shadow fell over him.
WHUMP.
Carue's heart almost leapt out of his throat. Straw Hat landed feet first on the ground, one hand securing his hat. Luffy stared at Carue intensely, expression serious.
The boy captain asked one question in a low voice.
"Where'd they take her?"
Among the ways he could've implemented his plan, getting captured had not been Usopp's first choice. Granted, neither had it been his last choice, which would've involved somehow losing track of his nakama. Provided he'd managed to warn Zoro, he could work with captured.
"Usopp-san!"
Usopp grimaced inwardly, still feigning unconsciousness. A grunt nearby told him that Vivi had been dropped to the ground. He'd have preferred that no one else got caught. Still, it did guarantee that Luffy would eventually notice and coming storming through for a rescue.
The sniper cast out his Haki. His captain and Carue were already running around, though their heading was more haphazard and wild than directly helpful. He didn't worry about Sanji, since all the enemies on the island were present and accounted for. Nami, somehow, had found Zoro.
That might work out favorably, though odds were about even it wouldn't. Normally, for the swordsman who had everything except a sense of direction, a guide would be a relief. While he couldn't be trusted to find his way… anywhere, though, Zoro possessed an uncanny internal compass for exactly two things- Luffy, and trouble. Which, of course, were not always mutually exclusive.
Usopp would have to clue Nami in to where they needed to be.
Having assessed the situation, the sniper tuned back into the conversation between the agents. Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine were both engaging Mr. 3, making a case for themselves despite their results thus far. More specifically, Mr. 5 was convinced Usopp had somehow caught wind of the plan.
For all the thought he'd put into the problem over the past week and a bit, Usopp's plan didn't really amount to much more than a few edits to the original script. Aside from the injuries Dorry and Brogy sustained, the confrontation with Baroque Works hadn't been too terrible the first round. If Usopp could also put himself in danger to spare his nakama, so much the better. Most of his planning came down to figuring out Mr. 3's mindset and what made him tick.
Not unlike Kuro, Mr. 3 handled his problems via schemes rather than brute force. The similarities just about ended there, though. Kuro certainly felt secure in his intellect, quick to dismiss the possibility that anyone else could anticipate or stop him. Mr. 3 also prided himself on his cleverness, sure, except he actually got off on being the smartest person in the room. Usopp couldn't think of any other explanation for how the agent went about trying to kill the Straw Hats. Kuro had been straightforward- if someone needed to die, he cut them into sashimi.
Mr. 3 went to the trouble of creating what amounted to a death trap, despite possessing a very practical Devil Fruit ability for killing. For whatever reason, he felt compelled to incorporate showmanship or 'art' into his plans.
Essentially,
"Ooh, look how much more clever than you I am!"
Usopp didn't know whether the agent's aversion to pragmatism stemmed from a special type of idiocy or simple eccentricity.
Either way, the sniper didn't know how such a personality would react to finding out that his every move had been anticipated and countered before he made them. Any major deviations from the script could end poorly.
Thus, Usopp would have to effectively help preserve Mr. 3's sense of control over the situation. Not exactly difficult, per se- the wax man already suspected anyone other than himself or his parter of being responsible for things falling through the cracks. The marksman just had to further discredit Mr. 5's own suspicions.
And he'd planted the seeds for doing so already, just… well, he'd hate himself later.
Business as usual, then.
Usopp turned his head toward Vivi, cracking his eyes open carefully, hoping no one else was watching.
"Usopp-san," Vivi said again, sounding marginally relieved, though still distressed. She frowned, trying to move closer. "How did"
Usopp resisted making a sour expression, considering what he had to do. He very deliberately winked at the desert princess, silently trying to convey
'Let me do the talking.'
with only his mind.
Steeling his nerves, he slipped into character.
"AAH!" He shouted, startling Vivi as he snapped his eyes open wider. "Vivi?!" He over from his prone position onto his butt, sitting up. "What happened, where's"
He shuddered, peeking over his shoulder mechanically. Of the four agents present, three glared at him while Miss Goldenweek simply looked on, expression borderline curious, if not outright blank.
Usopp swiveled a one-eighty on his ass and scooted backward with this bound feet, fumbling somewhat. He only stopped when he sat between them and Vivi.
"Y-y-you better stay back," he stammered. He took in a breath, struggling to puff his chest with his hands behind his back. "I've got eight thousand men at my command who'll put you down if you hurt us!"
Three glowers darkened. Miss Goldenweek, still expressionless, munched on a rice cracker.
"Liar." She said plainly.
Usopp flinched.
"Ah, she saw through it!"
"This," Mr. 3 said, voice thick with condescension and disdain. "Child is responsible for foiling things?"
Mr. 5's jaw tightened, speaking through clenched teeth.
"He specifically rigged a trap around their ship's booze."
Usopp blinked. Twice.
"Eh?" He mumbled. He halfway turned his face away. "That prank I set up for Zoro…? I mean"
He puffed up again, affecting a confident guffaw.
"That's right, y-you never had a chance! The great Usopp-sama predicted your plan before you ever-!"
"Only intellectual deadweights speak of themselves in the third person," Mr. 3 said. He turned on Mr. 5, ignoring anything else Usopp said. "You were bested by a prank?"
Neither Mr. 5 nor his partner responded, probably lacking any sort of justification. Mr. 3 sighed.
"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter overmuch," he said. The flame at the tip of his hair, styled to resemble the number three, flared. "One fell swoop would have been infinitely more satisfying. But," his mouth stretched into a malicious grin. "We can still pick them off."
Candle Service Set!
Several metric tons of wax poured forth from Mr. 3's hands, layering over itself until the mass stood almost as tall as Brogy. Gradually, it took shape, a huge candelabra with a hemisphere topping the central pillar. The bowl bore a face like a jack-o-lantern, adorned with a ring of giant, lit candles.
"WHAT IS THAT?!" Usopp shrieked at the top of his lungs.
"You'll be frozen in wax, turned into sculptures that not even I could replicate!"
Vivi, stuck ankle deep in wax on the base of the candelabra, nonetheless tugged her feet experimentally. Overhead, the bowl spun rapidly, the candles melting and raining down a thin, waxy mist that slowly accumulated on their bodies.
Trapped, her mind raced, thoughts hampered by frustration, desperation-
"How do you think," Usopp asked, head slightly tilted to one side. "He does that with his hair? I get that you can do a lot with enough hair gel, but it's on fire."
And, courtesy of the marksman trapped next to her, severe confusion.
"Followup question," Usopp said. "Why? Just… why make that choice? Who's gonna take him seriously, it looks so weird!"
"That pirate's an odd one, Mr. 3." Miss Goldenweek commented, sitting on a spread out picnic blanket.
"Yes," Mr. 3 said hotly through clenched teeth. "I noticed that."
"I told you he was a little shit." Mr. 5 grumbled.
"Oh!" Usopp exclaimed, plopping a fist into his palm. He pointed at Mr. 3. "He's a candle! I just got it!"
The sniper glanced at Vivi, mouth ticked upward in a smile for figuring it out. The princess could only stare back incredulously. He frowned a moment later.
"I guess I gotta respect dedication to a motif," he said. He shook his head. "Still looks stupid, though."
"Shut up!" Mr. 3 snapped.
"Usopp-san," Vivi said tersely. "Why are you aggravating him?"
What did that accomplish?
"They took my bag and my slingshot," Usopp said. "And we're stuck in a slow-moving death trap. What else am I gonna do?" He shrugged. "I could scream again if you want, not that it'd change much."
Vivi grit her teeth, all but seething at the sniper's cavalier attitude. Did he know something she didn't, or did he just not care?!
The princess paused.
'Actually, he might…'
"Kami, I hope this stuff washes out." Usopp said, frowning as he inspected his hair, or at least whatever peeked out from under his bandana.
"You expect to live long enough to worry about that, brat?" Mr. 5 asked, sneering.
Mr. 3 just watched the exchange, expression the very picture of bemusement and consternation.
"Well, yeah." Usopp said, digging in his ear with his right pinky. "I understand you guys enjoy my company"
"We don't." Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine said in unison.
"But we've got places to be and things to do."
Mr. 3 laughed.
"I see," he said. "He's deluded, caught up to his chin in denial now that he's trapped. Ah, the horror once he realizes his fate will be fantastic!" He grinned. "All right, I'll indulge you a moment, boy- what exactly makes you think you'll survive this?"
Usopp silently raised his left arm and pointed toward the jungle, all the while maintaining eye contact with their captors. Everyone, including Vivi, turned their heads to look.
A beat.
Two.
Vivi frowned.
'Is he posing, or-?'
"ORYA~H!"
Streaks of yellow and red, vaguely recognizable as a duck and a young man, exploded out of the trees. They flew straight across the clearing, clocking impressive air time as they sailed past Mr. 3 and his colleagues-
"Hey! I'm gonna kick your asses, just so you know!"
Crash!
-into the opposite tree line.
"…What?" Mr. 3 said, caught completely flat-footed.
Usopp, who tracked Luffy's entire flight path with his finger without blinking, pulled his pinky from his ear.
"That, mostly."
Luffy, marching out with Carue beside him, cracked his knuckles.
"Give back Vivi!"
"You guys look like you're having fun."
Mr. Bushido's baritone voice preceded him stepping out from another corner of the jungle, expression halfway between playful and predatory. Nami shadowed him into the clearing, albeit not as boldly. She glared at the swordsman.
"You had to give us away, didn't you?!"
Usopp nodded in their direction, smirking.
"Them, too."
"They've been gone quite a while now."
Sanji murmured aloud, frowning out at the jungle. He shifted his cigarette between his teeth. Returning to a ship devoid of Nami or Vivi had been disheartening, though not alarming. Usopp could be downright scary, after all, and Luffy… was Luffy. Any enemies on the island were in for a rude surprise if they tried to fight those two.
The marimo didn't warrant mention or thought.
Hypothetically, though, if Nami or Vivi somehow ended up alone out there…
"I can't be standing around waiting to start dinner!"
Sanji leapt off the ship, racing into the jungle again.
"Nami-swan, Vivi-chwan," he yelled in a singsong tone. "Can you hear me?"
The cook stumbled across some kind of adorable ten-foot cat, fangs protruding out of his mouth. Sanji quickly made a new friend once his asserted his dominance, and the little guy even let Sanji ride him as he searched.
"Ladies~," Sanji called. "Follow the sound of my voice! Your shining knight is here!"
The cat paused in front of an off-white structure. Sanji blinked at the stark contrast of it amid the tropical surroundings. Curiosity piqued, he hopped down to investigate.
"You're the most wanted man in East Blue?" Mr. 3 said, sizing up Luffy. He scoffed. "The Navy's standards must be"
"Yo," Usopp interrupted, waving at Luffy. "Cap'n. You know the giant's duel? These punks tried to sabotage it."
Luffy, who'd been gawking at Mr. 3's head, snapped his attention toward the sniper. The boy captain's expression darkened with fury, teeth bared at the agents.
"And that guy," Usopp said, pointing at Mr. 3. "Came up with the idea."
Mr. 3 barely had time to muster up an annoyed expression at being cut off before Luffy had more than halved the distance between them, fist cocked. Alarmed, the wax man reacted just in time to avoid getting decked.
Candle Lock!
A club of wax flew out of Mr. 3's hand, binding Luffy's legs together. Instead of tripping over, Luffy caught himself on his hands, blinking at the extra weight around his ankles. Mr. 3's cocky expression shifted into confusion as the rubber man grinned.
"Thanks for the hammer!"
With his typical reflexes and ingenuity, Luffy rolled into a forward flip, stretching his legs out and swinging the heavy club down toward Mr. 3's head. The agent hastily formed a wall and half-dome to protect himself. With Luffy's power behind it, the binding broke, as did the wall. Only through panicked, backward scrambling did Mr. 3 avoid a concussion.
"So," Zoro said, tone casual. "Are you two in trouble?"
Usopp, satisfied he could predict the outcome of Luffy's fight- spoiler alert, his Captain won- turned toward his crew mates. Zoro, having already adopted a stance with one hand ready to unsheathe his swords, eyed the candelabra.
"Ah~," Usopp said, holding one hand out horizontally in a middling gesture. He'd have been significantly calmer were Vivi not trapped with him, particularly since they probably had mere minutes before they were totally coated in wax. His lungs were burning a bit already with the stuff slowly filtering through his nostrils, and talking earlier didn't help with that. Still, the odds were more in the Straw Hats' favor than in his first round, and again, Mr. 3 didn't really have much to boast about in a direct fight. "Bout a six, seven and a half, tops."
The sniper smirked, addressing the swordsman's actual question.
"Mind getting us out of here?"
Zoro huffed, grinning as he drew out two of his katana.
"Shouldn't b-egh!"
Swak!
The swordsman almost bit his tongue, stumbling forward a bit at being struck from behind.
By Nami.
"What the hell, wi"
Nami swung her Climatact at Zoro's head again, cutting him off as he ducked back.
Colors Trap.
Usopp swore in his head, noting the brush in Miss Goldenweek's hand.
'Shit!'
In his first round, the youngest agent had been half the reason Mr. 3's trap posed any sort of threat to his nakama. Her weird method of hypnosis through paint- not a Devil Fruit ability, to his knowledge- caused more problems for the Straw Hats than any of the other agents, and she'd only used it to stall. Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine spent most of their energy chasing Usopp and Carue in circles, Mr. 3 only had a fraction of Luffy's combat prowess, and he'd needed a self-made set of thick wax armor before he managed to give his captain any sort of trouble in a fight. Which he wouldn't have had time to do were it not for Miss Goldenweek.
Usopp had been more leery of her than anyone for that exact reason. He'd been watching Luffy's back, expecting that he'd have to indirectly warn his captain, or possibly Zoro, from the danger she posed. Luffy fell for tricks pretty easily, and as unassuming as the girl looked, Zoro was about as likely to stumble into one of her traps.
The sniper hadn't anticipated the possibility that Miss Goldenweek might get the drop on Nami, though. The cartographer could be even more cautious than him at times.
"Excellent work, Miss Goldenweek." Mr. 5 said.
The explosive agent, who'd gone a bit pale alongside his partner upon Luffy's arrival, had already drawn his special flintlock revolver. Given how he immediately took aim at Zoro, he'd loaded it too.
"Zoro!" Usopp barked, voice snapping and sharp like a whip. He headed off the swordsman's inclination to meet and intercept any sort of attack with his blades. "Don't cut! Move!"
Still using the blunt edge of his swords to ward off Nami's attacks and avoid cutting her, Zoro managed to catch a glimpse of the gun a split-second before it went off. With the navigator also in the line of fire, the swordsman tackled her out of the way with him.
Breeze Breath Bomb!
The revolver fired an invisible 'bullet' of Mr. 5's explosive breath, narrowly missing the pirates and taking out the better part of two trees instead.
"Kyahahaha!"
Miss Valentine, already airborne, laughed. She plummeted down heavily toward Zoro, still pushing up from the ground. Only his reflexes let him shove Nami aside and jump out of harms way, and only luck kept him from taking more than a few scratches courtesy of flying debris.
Usopp took advantage of the sole silver lining in the situation- namely, that Zoro and Luffy were drawing everyone's attention
Clonk.
and knocked out Miss Goldenweek with his boomerang, grateful that he hadn't been stripped of that along with all his other weapons.
Unfortunately, it turned out that the girl's state of consciousness didn't have any influence on her paint trap. Nami got to her feet, advancing on Zoro again. The navigator glared at her hands, expression cycling consistently through frustration, anger and a decent bit of panic.
"Dammit, snap out of it!" Zoro shouted, parrying another strike.
"I… don't…" Nami hissed through clenched teeth, an undercurrent of desperation and apology in her tone.
Mr. 5 and Miss Valentine exploited Nami's condition to hell and back. They certainly weren't winning, though they had managed to put Zoro in something of an impasse, chipping away at him more than anything. On their own, the pair wouldn't last more than a few seconds, but Zoro couldn't effectively attack them and keep Nami out of the line of fire. Whatever spell she'd been put under, self-preservation didn't factor in, and while neither of the agents targeted her over Zoro, they didn't exactly take care to avoid injuring her either.
Usopp didn't know how to break the stalemate, even as his mind raced for a solution. Miss Goldenweek must have put her paint on Nami's clothes somewhere, since the navigator wasn't limited to any specific position on the ground. First time, it took burning off Luffy's vest to wake him up, though, and for all that he could see his bag, just sitting in the open, he couldn't fucking reach it.
"Nami-san!"
Thank Kami for undercover, double agent princesses.
"Whatever you do, keep your shirt on!"
Usopp blinked. Slowly, he panned his eyes over to Vivi, whose face burned a little red with embarrassment, though not regret.
A second later, Nami gasped sharply as she finally regained control, top discarded. She yelped, splitting away from Zoro once Mr. 5 fired another explosive round.
"You awake, woman?!" Zoro called.
"Yes! Get him!"
"Carue," Usopp shouted. He spotted the duck watching from the tree line, nervous to get directly involved yet too loyal to abandon the scene. The sight hit pretty close to home for the marksman. "Grab my bag!"
Usopp's voice cutting through the air indirectly distracted Miss Valentine from immediately going after Nami, buying the cartographer a couple seconds to get her bearings and evade her. Carue charged the clearing in a sprint, eyes wide.
"Not again, you obnoxious brat!"
Mr. 5 growled, spinning around to aim for the sniper's satchel.
Zoro, of course, only needed that momentary reprieve to reach the explosive agent and cut him down. The gun went off, the shot flying wild and narrowly missing Carue. Alarmed, the duck squawked and barreled right past the satchel, spilling its contents in his panic.
Usopp, coughing through the wax accumulating in his throat, ignored the burning in his lungs. His yell came out hoarse, barely more than half the volume he could typically muster.
"Throw- koff- the oil can at the pillar!"
With most of his face covered in wax, Usopp heard more than saw the oil can sail past his head. The muffled sound of liquid splattering everywhere behind him coincided with the sniper's own panic slowly closing in around him.
He officially couldn't move.
'Vivi, Vivi, get Vivi out!'
The world nearly went mute around him. Practically blind, he choked out.
"Na…mi."
Fifteen seconds.
A quarter of a minute in darkness, powerless to help his nakama, only aware of them through his Haki, Vivi just out of reach and in pain.
Fifteen agonizing seconds.
Through the white noise, garbled and distant as though from underwater,
"LUFFY!"
In the space of a breath Usopp couldn't find, Mr. 3's 'voice' came hurtling toward them.
And then-
FWRRR.
Freedom, in the form of fire.
"Who the hell sets up a house in the jungle?"
Sanji wondered aloud, wandering toward the exit. Nothing inside the building- a table and furniture, all made of the same substance as the house- had given him any clues as to who made it, or whether they might pose a threat. He did find and indulge in a cup of still-steaming Earl Grey tea, though he left everything else in the place as he'd found it. He preferred to practice a little more tact than Luffy or the marimo, and he didn't want to be the one tipping off their enemies.
Puru puru puru puru.
The ring of a transponder snail gave him pause in the threshold. He found the device stashed away in a basket. With nothing else for it, and feeling just a little impish, he answered.
"Bonjour," he said. "You've reached Le Shitty Restaurant. How may we serve you?"
"Cut the crap. You're late for your report."
Sanji settled back on the wax sofa, assessing the voice on the other end of the line. They sounded thoroughly cold-blooded.
"Sorry," Sanji said. "Who is this?"
"It's me. Mr. 0."
The cook took a moment to digest that information. Frankly, he needed a moment after a bombshell like that. He had Mr. 0, one of the Shichibukai on the line, the man responsible for the turmoil in Vivi's country. And he apparently expected something from Sanji- or rather, whoever owned the transponder snail.
The cook glanced at the device, and only then noticed 'Mr. 3' printed on its shell.
One mystery solved, though it did nothing for Sanji's nerves.
"I asked you a question," Mr. 0 said, tone cold and dry, accompanied by an impatient, though measured, tapping sound. Apparently Sanji had missed something while he collected himself. "Have the Straw Hats been dealt with?"
The cook allowed himself a long drag off his cigarette before he spoke into the transceiver.
"Yes," he said. "Everyone who knew your secret has been disposed of. There won't be any more trouble from them."
"Good work," Mr. 0 said. His tone didn't change one iota from his initial greeting, despite the verbal affirmation. Not quite monotone, just perfect control and calculation. "The Unluckies are on their way to confirm the kill, and make a delivery."
"What's the package?" Sanji asked seamlessly. He adapted to the role like he knew what he was doing and how to speak. In an unfortunate sense, he did know, from a life he'd left behind.
"The eternal pose to Alabasta," Mr. 0 said. "With the princess out of the way, all the pieces are fall into place. It's time we arranged the beginning of Project Utopia's endgame."
'Project Utopia.'
Sanji committed the phrase to memory.
Clack.
The chef went still. That noise hadn't come from the snail.
An otter and a vulture, both wearing matching dark shades, sat beside each other in one of the two windows. The otter pulled out a pair of bladed shells, and the vulture raised its wings to reveal a shitty machine gun mount.
"The shitty hell are you?" Sanji muttered.
"Is there a problem?"
The cook ran through a coupe options in his mind; hang up and risk missing out on more information, or stay on the line and risk incurring Mr. 0's ire.
Well. Mr. 3 would be the one with the problem, not him.
"No," Sanji said, already on his feet to deal with the new arrivals. "Seems I missed one, is all."
"You defended our honor," Dorry said at the shore. "As warriors of Elbaf, we are indebted to you."
Things had followed a mostly familiar path once Usopp and Vivi had been released from the candelabra. Miss Valentine had aired a few complaints at being foiled yet again.
("I will break every one of you, piece by p"
Thwam!
"Gonna give that a hard pass.")
Usopp dealt with them like a reasonable human being.
Dorry and Brogy stumbled across the clearing just as Mr. 3 tried to beat a hasty retreat, cussing out Luffy the whole way. Escape route cut off, faced with both giants in front of him and the Straw Hats behind him, the agent practically messed himself.
("I was wondering about that big fireball! Dorry thought the volcano erupted again!"
"That was you, you blowhard! Gegyagyagya! You kids getting into trouble?"
"We found out someone wanted to sabotage your duel, Master Brogy."
"!"
"Don't worry."
POW!
"We handled it.")
They regrouped with Sanji soon after, the cook equipped with the eternal pose to Alabasta. With their ticket off the island secured, they'd said their goodbyes, let Zoro and Sanji take a few minutes to debate the results of their hunting contest
("Hey, Usopp, I won, right?"
"Not getting involved.")
and they weighed anchor.
"Place your faith in us," Brogy said. He and Dorry stood on either side of a channel feeding into the open ocean as the Going Merry sailed past. "No matter what happens, maintain your course!"
"Okay!" Luffy said, agreeing immediately. "We'll sail straight ahead!"
Before the caravel, the horizon vanished as the sea swelled and gave way to a gargantuan sea monster. Not a few of the crew were alarmed at the sight, Nami and Carue thrown into a frazzled panic. Usopp kept his terror largely internalized, nonetheless seconding his captain's chant.
"Straight ahead!"
"The Island Eater," Dorry said, a grin in his tone. "You oversized goldfish."
"You're a nostalgic sight," Brogy said. "But you shall not have our friends!"
The current feeding into the colossal beast's open mouth sucked in the Going Merry. Its jaws shut, trapping them in complete darkness. From outside, Usopp heard a twin battle cry, preceding two massive red and blue waves of power.
Hankoku Sovereignty!
Dorry and Brogy blasted a hole straight through the creature's stomach, and the Going Merry flew out toward the Grand Line once more. Usopp ran his hands up his arms, covered in goosebumps. The Elbaf warriors boasted awe-inspiring ferocity and power.
Merry crashed back into the water, and Usopp took stock. Everything had gone pretty smoothly, all told. He still didn't know how Nami got sick the first time, though, let alone if she'd get sick again. She hadn't collapsed, which counted as a positive sign in his decidedly amateur opinion.
Still. That did mean he had to prep himself for a bit of unpleasantness if she didn't end up ill.
The sniper quietly made his way into the bathroom. With a silent apology to Merry, he removed a plank from the floorboards, revealing a small stash of three eggs.
He wrinkled his nose at the smell. He'd hidden them there for that exact reason. Sanji would go ballistic if he found evidence of food being wasted.
Gingerly, he took the long expired eggs out, hesitating to crack any of them. One rotten eggs would give him issues, two would leave him with no appetite- to put it mildly- for several days, and three would definitely warrant a doctor. Or so he figured, at least. He could definitely play things that way, especially if he could prevent Nami from finding out the source of his illness.
The sniper felt duplicitous and somewhat dirty resorting to such a measure, though. How could he willfully delay Vivi's return home, when her country needed her? And yet, how could he not, when the Straw Hats needed Chopper?
Still in turmoil, Usopp cracked open the first egg. He almost gagged at the foul odor that poured out. Before he could follow through or back out, however, Vivi's voice cried out from on deck.
"Nami's sick!"
Usopp sighed, tension seeping out of him as the choice fell out of his hands.
He hated himself for finding relief from Nami's suffering.
Again. Business as usual.