Music: (Tension, Persona 5)
Yu simply nodded and motioned for her to follow him. Entering his room, he opened a drawer and pulled out his diary.
"Here you go."
Sae took the book and narrowed her eyes. The prosecutor opened up the book and began to flip through the pages, reading each entry. As she did, her face became more and more softened, and once she was done, she handed it back, satisfied.
"You surprise me again Narukami. Have you considered being an author? You write well."
"Thank you Sae-san, but no. I'm only doing this because I have to."
"Shame. In any event, I apologize for being…" Sae paused, looking for the right word.
"Suspicious?"
Sae let out a gentle giggle. That wasn't something Yu heard everyday.
"You know me so well. In any event, I am glad you're writing in your diary. Now, it's already late enough. Eat some leftovers if you have to, but be sure to go to bed. Good night."
Sae left, and Yu put his diary down, grinning like a criminal that narrowly evaded capture.
Your scheme worked. Well done Narukami.
Earlier…
"Thank you! Please come again!" A store owner shouted to an exiting customer. Yu turned his head to the second-hand store, and thought of an idea. He made his way to Shibuya Main Street, and hoped a certain store was still open before heading home.
Upon entering Shibuya's Main Street, he saw what he was looking for; the book store. And it was still open. He entered the shop and started to look around.
What do we do if we can't find what we're looking for?
Then we keep looking. She had to buy it from somewhere.
"Hello sir. Can I help you find something?"
"Yes. Do you know where I can find blank books? Like diaries?"
"Ah yes, they're over in the back."
"Thank you."
Yu went and sure enough, there were several blank books lined up. After some searching, Yu found what he was looking for; an exact copy of the diary Sae had given him. Shortly after purchasing it, he went home, and got out a pen.
Before you begin, make sure to check for any marks on the original. Like 'Property of Sae Niijima' or something of the sort.
Yu did just that, flipping to the front and back covers for any mark that could distinguish the original from the twin. Finding nothing, he smiled as he went to work, writing down his diary entries yet again. Most of them were the same, except for one detail; Yu didn't make any mention of the Metaverse, Kobayakawa's calling card, or anything else that could implicate him and his friends. Satisfied, Yu had another problem.
Where do I put the original?
We could destroy it. Throw it out, tear out the pages and flush them down the toilet.
No. Sae could walk in on me destroying it, and some random dumpster diver could find it if I throw it away. Plus, I can use it as something of a journal to write down the details of a target, like cognitive weaknesses. It would be better if we kept it here.
If we get caught with it, the ramifications will be severe.
So we won't get caught. We'll hide it.
Where?
Sae has proven to be very perceptive. The best way would be in plain sight.
Yu looked at his workbench. The tools had proven to be precise enough. He felt like he had enough proficiency to get it done. Without further delay, he went to work.
Present…
Yu closed the fake diary and opened the drawer he kept it in. In the drawer was a fake bottom he had installed specifically to house the real diary. Placing the fake diary on top of the fake bottom then closing the drawer, Yu proceeded to get out his phone and text Hifumi.
As Hifumi entered her home's area, she saw the flashing lights of the police, and standing on the front porch with an officer was Mitsuyo. Upon spotting her daughter, the TV mongul sprinted over to her, and embraced her tightly.
"Oh Hifumi! Thank God you're alright! The thief, did he hurt you?"
"No mother. In fact, he told me he wanted to meet me, and that's why he broke in."
"He was a fan?"
"Yes. The two of us talked, and I made sure he knew that if he wanted to talk to me, he wasn't to break into our house again. I believe that this will be the last we hear from him."
"You two talked? About what?"
"Oh nothing. He was just worried that you were working me to the bone. Even accused you of abuse, said you only saw me as a tool to build your empire, and that you even resorted to murder, blackmail, and framing people to get your way. But that can't be true, right?" Hifumi asked, giving her mother a hateful stare.
Mitsuyo paused before replying, taken aback by how specific those accusations were.
"Of course not dear. I love you and your father with all my heart." She answered, giving a fake smile and ignoring Hifumi's stare.
"You know what dear? You look tired. Why don't you go to bed, I'll handle the officers." Mitsuyo suggested.
"As you wish mother."
Hifumi walked away, and Mitsuyo frowned. She never asked for the identity of the fan because at first, she suspected it was the peasant Ryuji, but now, she knows exactly who it was. The woman whipped out her phone and made a call.
"Hello Emiko. I need you to find out where that Narukami kid is living. He and I are officially at war."
Hifumi went into her room, closed the door, and plopped down on her bed, not even bothering to get changed into pajamas. She rubbed her head in an effort to try and numb the pounding that was going on. So much had happened in so little time, she still couldn't believe it all, even though she witnessed it minutes prior. Her mother was a monster that cared only about herself, and had ruined so many people's lives. Not just that, but there was also that strange place, and those powers she had. Persona. Before she could think about it further, her phone buzzed.
Yu: Hello Hifumi. I imagine you have questions. Give me a moment, and I'll bring in the others.
Akechi: Greetings.
Morgana: Y hallo thar.
Shiho: Hey Hifumi!
Hifumi: Hi. So… I'm confused.
Yu: We all were when we first entered that place, believe me.
Morgana: Uhhh, I wasn't!
Akechi: Yu gave you the basic information beforehand. There exists a place known as the Metaverse, a separate dimension that's formed and altered by human cognition. As such, people who have an extremely warped view of the world, such as your mother, created twisted pockets of the Metaverse, known as Palaces. That's what you found yourself in with us.
Shiho: Palaces are also home to monsters called Shadows; creatures formed from the repressed desires of people. The only way to fight these things is with a Persona.
Hifumi: Those things that you guys were summoning during the fight with the dragon.
Yu: Yup. You have one yourself. Fu Hao, if I'm not mistaken.
Hifumi: Yes. Did you all have to go through that to summon yours?
Yu: Tearing off our flesh and bursting into flames because of the feels? You betcha!
Shiho: lol!
Akechi: In more serious terms, the process is essentially us forming a contract with our inner selves. In exchange for that power, we have to remain true to ourselves.
Hifumi: I understand. What exactly do you use that power for?
Morgana: I'm so glad you asked!
Shiho: Basically, the real world affects the Metaverse, and vice versa. At the heart of each Palace is a thing called a Treasure. What we do is, we infiltrate the Palace to get to the Treasure. But since the Treasure itself is just a giant gas cloud, we have to issue a calling card to make it something solid.
Hifumi: A card proclaiming that you'll take their heart.
Morgana: Exactly. After the target sees that, the cloud will take on a physical form, which we can then steal. If we can get the Treasure out of the Metaverse, the target will realize that they did wrong, and will repent for it, confessing their crimes and working to atone.
Hifumi: But my mom is a massive figure in the business world, and has wronged so many people. If she apologizes, she'll do so publicly. Her image, and by extension my father's and my own, will be beyond repair. We will be made pariahs and cast out and disowned by all of our friends.
Yu: Well… shit… That's something I know all too well, and I certainly don't wish it on you or your father.
Shiho: Yea. How a change of heart affects the target's family… that isn't something we thought about before, is it?
Akechi: No…
Akechi: But as cold as this may sound, we cannot ignore the immense amount of pain she has brought into the world. And if she's left to her own devices, it will get worse.
Morgana: Hey, calm down Akechi! Hifumi could turn us in now that she knows our secret!
Shiho: OH SHIT!
Hifumi: Relax, I'm not going to turn you in.
Yu: Oh thank God.
Hifumi: But I'm not all that sure I should help you either. It's clear to me now that my mother is a disgusting excuse of a human being, but… My father has been ill for a number of years now. If he finds out about what my mother's been doing, especially from her mouth… I'm not sure he'll be able to take it.
Yu: This changes everything.
Akechi: If that's the case… I'm not sure if we should continue. It would be one thing if the target's life was at risk, but I'm not going to have an innocent man's life on my conscience.
Shiho: Yea.
Morgana: We could find another target. And then there's the matter of Hifumi knowing our secret.
Hifumi: Just… give me a few days to think. I'm still unsure as to what to do.
Yu: Alright. Let's all have a rain check on the infiltration.
Everyone gave their agreement and Yu's phone was silent. The teenager fell onto his back and into the comfort of his bed. He thought back to what Igor and the twins were telling him that he had to forge bonds in order to make his journey easier. Shortly after that, he remembered that, aside from Akechi in the diner, he hadn't really put much effort into getting to know his fellow Tricksters. He then felt a tingling along his skin, a signal that Izanagi had something to say. Yu let out a sigh, allowing his inner self to come out.
So… you wanna get close to your team members.
Why yes Izanagi, I've been thinking about that, and I'm amazed you picked that up. It's almost as if you and I have the same mind!
Hey, don't get snappy my friend. Besides… I know who you wanna start with, and I want to give you advice.
What do you know about romance?
Only as much as you do.
… Fair enough.
Then what are you waiting for? Text her already. Just be yourself.
Well, it's a little late, so she might not be up.
Oh come on, it's only been a few minutes.
Yu laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, weighing his options. Finally, he came to a conclusion.
Alright… here goes nothing.
Yu picked up his phone and selected Shiho's number. Then he hesitated.
Come on, what are you waiting for? DO IT!
Yea, hold on Shia LaBeouf. What if I screw up?
You didn't have this much trouble with Rise. Come on man, just channel the same confidence into this, and you can't screw it up.
Yea. Yea, you're right. I can do this. I CAN DO THIS!
That's the spirit! Go get 'em inferior me!
The Wild Card began to type.
Yu: Hey Shiho, you up?
About a minute before a response.
Shiho: I am now.
Yu: So… I've been thinking…
Shiho: About what?
Yu: About Dometown. About how I screwed up.
Shiho: Oh, really? It was a tiny mistake, it happens to the best of us. Besides, there's no way any of us could've known that the virus was in the data.
Yu: I wasn't talking about the virus. I was talking about the part where I didn't know where we were going.
Shiho: Oh. Really? Why?
Yu: Well, I'd like to make it up to you, if you'd like. Just the two of us. If you catch my meaning.
Shiho: Oh. Oooohh!
Shiho: Um, little random, given our circumstances, but sure! If you don't mind someone who has the grace of a hippo, that is.
Yu: I didn't say that.
Shiho: Yes you did. -_-
Yu was about to type 'no I didn't', but Izanagi stopped him, reminding him that Shiho could still change her mind.
Yu: Oh right. Sorry about that.
Shiho: You're forgiven. This time. Anything you had in mind?
Yu: Um… maybe. How about Destinyland?
Shiho: WHAT?! REALLY?!
Yu had to pause to collect his thoughts. He certainly didn't expect this reaction.
Shiho: Wait. Are you sure? Do you have the money for it?
Yu cringed. He hadn't thought about that.
Yu: Um… actually, let's not go to Destinyland. I don't have a lot of money.
Shiho: …
Shiho: …
Shiho: …
Yu started to panic. It had been a full five minutes now.
Shiho: …
Shiho: …
Shiho: …
When I said you can't screw it up, it wasn't a challenge!
Shiho: …
Shiho: …
Shiho: Did you put any thought into this?
Yu: No?
Oh. My. Self.
Shiho: You really know how to impress a girl Yu. :P
Yu: Sorry. I'm usually more confident than this.
Shiho: Really? Because from how you've been acting, I'd swear I was the first woman you've thought about romantically and was working off of online guides.
Yu: Hey, I'll have you know, I'm very confident in the Metaverse.
Shiho: Shame it doesn't carry over, lol.
Yu rolled his eyes, and he swore Izanagi was snickering.
Some form of support would be nice.
And I am giving support! To your far superior soon-to-be girlfriend. Or maybe she'll just stay your friend at the rate you're going.
Shiho: Alright, how about this. I have Volleyball practice tomorrow. The day after that, we can go on a date. Use the school day to think of something. That sound good?
Yu: Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great!
Shiho: Alright Yu. Good night. ;)
Yu put his phone away and pumped his fist in triumph.
You know, I was kinda hoping you'd get rejected.
Why?
So that I could say "MISSION FAILED! WE'LL GET 'EM NEXT TIME!"
I really hate you sometimes Izanagi.
Hey now! I am thou, thou art I, remember? Love yourself!
Yu put his Persona away and went to sleep. He would need it if he was to think of something. That's when an idea popped into his head, and he smiled as he drifted off.
Yu closed the door behind him. He was currently standing on the rooftop, with the idea he had. She looked at him with a mix of confusion and concern.
"Alright Yu. What's Shiho involved with that's so bad?" Ann Takamaki asked.
"I… need to know what Shiho likes by tomorrow. Activities, food, anything."
Ann raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth at a curved angle.
"Eh?"
"I… I asked her out on a date. And she said yes."
"WHAT?!" Ann squealed before Yu promptly covered her mouth.
"Shhh! Keep it down!" Yu ordered.
"That's so sweet Naru-chan. When did you ask her out?" Another, more adorable voice asked.
Yu turned to the corner and saw Haru sitting there, minding her own business, with an adorable smile on her face.
"Haru? How-how long have you been there?" Yu asked.
"Since the dawn of time."
There was a moment of silence, as absolutely no one thought it was funny. Then she gave the real answer.
"Since lunch break started. I've been checking on the plants. I'm surprised neither of you noticed me until now."
"Oh. Well, to answer, I asked her out last night, and on a bit of a whim. She said yes, and it starts tomorrow. And well… I don't know what to do. Or at least, what she likes."
"Oh, I see! And you wanna get to know all the ways to get into bed the fastest." Ann said with a half-smile.
"Yes. W-well, I wanna make her happy! I-I don't want to take her to bed, well I k-kinda, b-but it's not a requirement." Yu stammered, caught off guard by Ann's boldness.
"Take who to bed?" A girl asked, standing in the doorway.
"Ah, M-Makoto! It-it's not-"
Before Yu could finish his sentence, Makoto pieced it together.
"Did… did you ask Shiho out on a date? And you needed Ann's advice?" She asked, turning her hands to fists and pressing them against her chin, as if ready to squeal like a schoolgirl.
"Yes."
"OH MY GOOOOD!" Makoto squeaked, doing small jumps.
"I know!" Haru added, squealing and doing her own jumps.
Yu saw Makoto pull out a phone and start typing.
"M-Makoto? What are you doing?" Yu asked
"Texting Sis. She'll definitely want to know about this." Makoto answered with a small smile.
Yu panicked. If Sae knew about this, he might not even be allowed to go on a date. He sprinted forward and attempted to grab the phone, but Makoto pushed her right arm outward and landed her palm on his forehead, keeping him away, like an older sibling making sure their baby brother couldn't get something in their hands. She hit the send button with a sadistic smirk, and Yu felt his heart sink. It was as if the universe itself was like "Look at him. Look at him and laugh". Then he felt his heart jump once his phone rang. He picked it up with the enthusiasm of a death row inmate.
"Hello?"
"You are to come straight home after school, understand young man?" The woman on the other end asked, and her tone made it very clear she wanted no argument.
"Yes Sae-san."
Yu hung his head low as the lunch bell rang. Before they made their way down, Ann put a hand on his shoulder.
"Shiho loves karaoke. In fact, she was so good at it way back in middle school that we called her Songbird Shiho."
"Thanks Ann. At least something good came out of this." Yu said, as he and the girls left the rooftop.
As Yu walked out of the classroom, and then the rest of the school in a significantly more deflated state than when he entered. He knew that what was waiting for him back at the apartment was not going to be pleasant, but he knew that trying to avoid Sae Niijima would only make things worse. As he and Makoto got on the train, he felt a familiar sensation of prickling across his skin. Izanagi wanted to be let out.
Izanagi, you'd better behave yourself.
The god emerged, his helmet doing little to hide his shit-eating grin, and it didn't take long for the Persona to absolutely lose it.
HAHAHAHA!
What's so funny?
I'm imagining what Sae's gonna do to you. I wonder if she's gonna drive you to Shiho's house and tell her to never talk to you again. Maybe she'll force you to 'practice' with her so you have an excuse to not go.
Izanagi, that doesn't sound like Sae-san at all.
I know. But it's still fun to think about.
Yu noticed that Makoto went for the elevator. As it's doors began to close, Yu went and sprinted up the stairs. If he was fast enough, perhaps he could sneak into his room and barricade himself inside and talk to Sae through the door. But as he reached his door, he started to fumble through his pockets for the key, and when he found it, he was ready to insert it, but before he could, Makoto grabbed him by the ear and dragged him through the main door.
"Siiisss! We're HOOOOOOME!" She yelled with glee.
Oh please dear God, let this be quick and merciful.
I'm standing right here.
Sae's door swung open, and the prosecutor's eyes focused on him like a hawk that found a mouse, while Makoto looked up and grinned from ear to ear.
"Ah Narukami, there you are. Sit down." She ordered, pointing at the dinner table, and Yu hesitantly obeyed.
"Now, Makoto has told me that you plan on going out on a date. Did you finally work up the nerve to ask that girl you liked out?"
"Yes Sae-san."
"Alright. As happy as I am to see you take the leap of faith, I need to make sure that this girl won't be a bad influence. Name?"
"Shiho Suzui."
"Oh, the girl who tried to… alright. I can cross out some of the questions. Her phone number?"
"Excuse me?"
"If you go missing, and I can't reach you, I'm going to have to call her. Phone. Number."
"742-5530-4891"
"Address?'
"Oh come on."
"If something happens to you, I'm going to have to be able to track her down. Also, I want to make sure that you don't… stay the night with her."
"Sae!"
"Address, young man. Now."
Yu gave her the information, and she put the notebook down, satisfied.
"Alright. Now, when's the date?"
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow? Well in that case…" Makoto smiled, and it was mischievous, like a prankster realizing April Fools was right around the corner.
"We'll need to see where he stands in the charm department. Narukami, get changed into your best clothes. You too Makoto." Sae ordered.
Makoto got up and went to her room, while Yu went to his own, getting dressed at a rather brisque pace, and went back to the living room. The lights in the room had been dimmed, as if someone wanted the atmosphere to be romantic. Makoto's door opened with a creak, and out stepped the student council president, pushing a cart with a wine bottle, a box of chocolates, a rose pot, and… a bucket of chicken?
And then there was Makoto herself. She had ditched the Shujin uniform in favor for a dress. A long, black satin dress with her left leg revealed, and at her waist was a red bow, and fingerless opera gloves. She smiled, eyeing Yu up like a snack for her to eat, which simultaneously scared him, and thanks to what she was wearing, made him excited. But a cough from Sae sent a jolt of fear through his system.
Zoo. Wee. MOMA!
"Well, at least we won't have to work on your wardrobe. But, looking the part is only half the process to a successful date. The other, is charm. Now, whether or not you get to go on that date will depend on how you react to Makoto's next words." Sae stated, giving a nod to her sister.
On cue, Makoto gently pushed the cart to him, her devious smile growing wider with every inch it moved.
"Seduce me."
"Um… I'm sorry what?"
"Seduce me."
Yu's face burned a bright red as his brain just seemed to fry at those two words. His probation officer's sister just told him to seduce her. If Sae wasn't in the room, and if he wasn't going on a date with Shiho, he would take full advantage of the situation was made even worse by Izanagi.
Alright Narukami. You can do this. Just don't think about how that silky dress hugs her figure in all the right places, or how exposed her luscious and curvy body is. Don't think about the things you would do to her if it wasn't for Shiho.
Izanagi hovered behind her, and let out an exasperated gasp.
Oh my goodness! This dress makes her ass look…
Izanagi breathed in deep.
Scrumptious.
You're a piece of shit Izanagi.
"Narukami, while we're still young please." Sae said, impatience clear in her voice.
"R-right… so ummm… I just gotta…"
Makoto walked straight to him, with a small swing to her hips, and put her mouth next to his ear with a devilish smirk.
"Seduce. Me." She whispered in a husky voice, the same kind of voice Rise would use when she was teasing him and trying to get him riled up. And had it been any other situation, Yu would jump headfirst into the fun, consequences be damned, but he had enough self control to know better. Finally, Yu gathered his wits, or what was left of them, and grabbed the bucket of chicken.
"Hey there, good looking. I… got a bucket of chicken."
Makoto's smile vanished immediately, and the teenager then proceeded to slap Yu, followed by harsh words from Sae.
"What kind of cheap harlot do you think my sister is? You think that all it takes to sweep her off her feet is a bucket of chicken?" She asked, disgusted.
Yu said nothing, mostly because he didn't know what to say. Sae let out a groan and pressed her fingers against her nose.
"Dear God, we have so much work to do. Thank your lucky stars that the date isn't today. We have to whip you into shape."
"To be what?"
"To be a proper gentleman. If you want to dazzle this woman, you're going to have to earn it, and that means etiquette, table manners, dancing and the like. Let's get started."
"But… I have homework." Yu excused. If her romance lessons were half as intense as her boxing lessons, then he had reason to be afraid. He had reason to be very afraid.
"I can do it for you. We'll see to it that you are equipped to give Suzui-san the best romantic experience of her life. Now, let's get to work." Makoto countered.
And so it began. The Niijimas started with dinner lessons, with Makoto as the date and Sae used a riding crop to whack Yu's hand whenever he did something wrong, all while instructing him how to properly dine at a five star restaurant. Next was dancing. Sae was not impressed with Yu's breakdancing skills, especially since he accidentally knocked over and broke a vase. After that, Sae turned on some waltzing music and then proceeded to instruct Yu in how to do proper ballroom dancing. And when it came to practice, Makoto decided to be his partner.
"Alright Narukami, first, stand up straight. If you want to ballroom dance properly, you're going to have to straighten your neck and body. Don't lean on your partner. You want to have your hand just below her shoulder blade. Keep your fingers cupped and together. Now, as for the dancing-" Sae started, and Yu just shook his head. He had had enough.
"Sae-san, why is this necessary? I'm just going to karaoke. I'm not taking her to some place where we'll meet celebrities. This whole thing is stupid and unnecessary, and frankly, given how you don't have a man, I doubt you're very qualified to give anyone romantic advise."
Makoto's mouth dropped open, as if to say 'ooooo, you're in trouble now.' Sae, to her credit, kept her cool. She motioned for her sister to step away as she strode up to Yu, who didn't step back and didn't look away.
"This is necessary because you may not do much on your first date, but for the later times when you spend time alone with her, you may find yourself in one of the situations I'm training you for. Besides, you can pleasantly surprise her. And as for being qualified; I've helped four of my co-workers just like I'm helping you now. Three of them are happily married, and the fourth is moving to be with his sweetheart. So yes, I do know a thing or two about how the heart works. Any other stupid questions?" Sae spoke calmly, but Yu could feel the fury that was barely concealed in her tone.
Yu finally broke the staring contest he had with his guardian, and the tall woman simply nodded, and Moakoto got back into position, while Sae walked to a boombox to turn on the music. When the beat began to play, the first thing Yu did was accidentally step on Makoto's foot.
Dear Diary:
All I ask is one day without some form of stress.
Just.
One.
Day.
Today, I wanted some help in knowing what to do about my date with Shiho. It was supposed to be just one conversation where Ann would tell me things Shiho did and didn't like. Instead it grew into a horrific experience that will most likely give me PTSD. Sae's lessons were brutal. Bruises have started to form on my knuckles where she hit me with a riding crop, I have been slapped more times today than I have in my entire life for saying the wrong thing, Sae looked ready to kill me when I almost broke her vase, and when I accidentally stepped on Makoto's foot, Sae almost tasered me. The rest of the experience, I'm not even going to jot down. Here's hoping this nightmare ends as soon as I go on my date with Shiho. But hey, at least it can't get any worse, right?
Yu woke up to the sound of chains, signaling that he was in the Velvet Room. When he approached the bars, he was surprised to see only Caroline waiting for him. Even more confusing, she appeared to be… happy to see him.
"Hello inmate. Are you ready for the greatest comedy routine of your life?" She asked with glee.
"Um… what?"
"We've heard about your attempts to court one of your Confidants, and have decided to try and help."
"Oh sweet baby Jesus, no."
"Oh sweet baby Jesus, yes!"
That's when Justine entered, holding a massive book titled "Velvet Puns". She too, seemed happy to see him.
"One of the traits that females desire the most from their mates is humor. So we are here to share our knowledge of everything funny with you!" Caroline stated as Justine opened the book.
"What about Igor?"
"Master has no idea we're even doing this! If he did, we'd be punished. Now inmate, sit back, relax, and prepare to laugh! Don't worry, if you come close to dying from laughter, we'll stop."
With that sentence, Caroline looked at her twin.
"Everything you're about to hear was thought up by yours truly!" Caroline beamed with pride.
Justine took a deep breath.
.
.
.
"What's more amazing than a talking dog? A spelling bee." Justine read in a monotone voice.
"What?" Yu asked, puzzled.
"Why did the scarecrow get a medal? He was out standing in his field." Justine said with a straight face, while Caroline's began to contort into one of someone holding back their laughter.
"Oh God."
"The cookie went to the doctor because he felt crummy."
"Justine, please-"
"I like the food on the moon, but the restaurants have no atmosphere."
"Make it stop…"
"I would give you an unemployment joke, but it doesn't work."
"Every pun is a new nightmare."
"I got fired from the calendar factory for taking a day off."
"All I feel is pain."
"What's the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs."
That's when Caroline joined.
"What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake."
"Captain Crunch's murder was related to a cereal killer."
"Why did the ancient Romans close down the Coliseum? Because the lions were eating up all the prophets."
Yu could do nothing but scream as the twins continued their relentless barrage of awful humor.
"Why?! WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!"