Chapter 8

A Fall and a Lift

The walk to the waterfall seemed a lot shorter in comparison to the journey back. Perhaps being wrapped up in a Force-induced trance made the trip faster. Ben didn't speak of the vision he had seen and neither did Rey. It was as if the waterfall and the hexagon stones never even existed, they had just taken a midday stroll through the woods of Nov Sensum.

The vision he had experienced was composed of a series of feelings flooding through his body, accompanied with old memories he worked so hard to keep locked away. Blazing anger, paralyzing fear, regret as heavy as a boulder on his chest. With this came the memories of his Solo and Leia, of Luke and Lando. As these sensations engulfed him, the ruins of a ship faded into view, burnt wires and melted metal twisting into a stormy sky. Even in its wrecked state, Ben recognized it immediately. Han Solo's freighter was finally laid to rest in the barren plains of Nov Sensum. Something in his gut told him that they absolutely needed to go there. For Rey's things, yes, but Ben had accounts he needed to settle as well.

Light shone off the dull black of their shuttle. The thing hadn't taken off in days and a fine coat of dirt and fallen pine needles caked the exterior walls. It looked and felt like more of a home rooted to its spot than a temporary means of transport while they were on the run. He was almost sad to lift off again, to see their week's progress gone.

Ben and Rey stepped into their shuttle and marched towards the cockpit. He shrugged on his doublet, let his hair down, and threw on a dark cloak. With him in the pilot's chair and Rey slouching down beside him, he ignited the engines. Slowly but surely, they lifted into the warm afternoon air and out over the wooded valley. Rey peered out the window in awe, her legs crisscrossed on her chair and her hands on the windows.

"I'll never get tired of green," she whispered, looking over at Ben. Her small grin pulled at his heart. Her excitement over the smaller things left him wishing he could see the galaxy as she could. With curiosity and optimism and unbridled hope.

"Are you sure you know where we're going?" she asked.

"I have a feeling," he simply said. "I saw an open field and if we fly east for a while we should reach it."

"I should have guessed." Rey sat back in her seat. She reached up and took her hair out of its half bun and let in all stream down the cushioned headrest. Ben watched out of the corner of his eye.

"I don't think I've told you how nice you look with your hair down."

She ceased mid-motion while trying to fan more of her hair out. A faint blush crept up her neck. "Oh. Thanks."

She paused and said, "You know, I think you should put your hair up more. It suits you."

Now it was Ben's turn to redden. "I'll take that into consideration," he mumbled.

It was another hour before Ben's gut alerted him of their arrival. Down below swathes of graying grass covered the surface of Nov Sensum like an old woven mat. The blanket of pale clouds above their shuttle shifted and swirled ominously. A few trees dotted the landscape but did little to stir the monotony of the region, unlike the huge ridges of light rock that erupted from the ground at random intervals, like the spiked backs of lizards.

"I see it!" Rey cried out and Ben guided their ship down to the grassy ground. Just as he had seen through the waterfall, the collapsed shell of the Millennium Falcon sat scattered and irrevocably broken like the bleached bones of a long dead creature. Even though the old ship would never fly again, a spark of anger still crackled in him at the sight.

The shuttle touched down next to the wreckage with a mechanical groan. No sooner had the landing gear made contact with the grass then Rey leapt from her seat and jumped through the doors. Ben started to follow after her but hesitated, staring at the shipwreck outside. Guilt flooded in as if a dam in his mind had finally cracked and burst.

"Are you coming with me?" Rey had appeared in the doorway. Her fingers drummed on the metal wall nervously.

He nodded slowly and cautiously stepped out of the safety of the shuttle toward the mountain of metal and overturned dirt. The simple task of putting one foot in front of the other was proving more and more difficult the closer they got. Like two magnets repelling each other, every fiber of his being resisted moving towards this relic of his family.

Shards of the Falcon were spread every which way, with the circular cockpit broken off and resting a number of feet from the main body. Noticing this, Rey took off in search of her staff and the Jedi texts. The stomp of her boots against the broken pieces drifted into the distance. A cold wind scraped over them. It was going to snow soon.

When her footsteps faded completely, Ben fell to his knees and stared up into the ruins of his old home.

The old thing had brought him so much pain, represented so much of what he despised about his family. This was the ship that took his parents away, that left him alone with Luke and the other Jedi in training. He gritted his teeth and gazed up into the broken hull of his father's choice craft. Memories drifted from the back of his mind, memories that had been buried and left to rot until they were no more.

…

The first was from so long ago. He couldn't have been more than four years old. He was perched on his father's shoulder, laughing and shrieking with glee as they ran down around the lounge. Leia, her long brown hair tied back, lay across one of the couches, scrolling causally through a set of files on a holoscreen. Every time they passed her Ben saw traces of a smile on her face.

"Han, you're going to make him dizzy!" she cried, but Han only ran faster, making starship sounds with his mouth. It was only when a fixed glare from his wife stopped him in his tracks.

"Aw, honey, you worry too much," he smirked, lifting Ben off his shoulders and onto the floor. He smiled heartily at his son, who let out a garbled giggle. "But see? He's having the time of his life!"

Ben had held out his arms out to be lifted up again, but the doors opened and Lando stepped in, carrying a bottle and three small glasses.

"Anyone up for some chess?" Ben remembered the tall, suave man saying. Han and Leia both greeted him warmly and sat down around the chess table. Ben hopped up onto Leia's lap and watched as the two men had their go at Dejarik. She stroked his hair.

…

Ben's eyes burned, but he didn't want to let the tears out

…

Now he was eleven, playing with wooden action figures in his bunk. Outside the sky was rosy, a picturesque Dantooine sunset. Despite the beauty outside and the distraction of his playthings, he could still hear the muffled voices of his parents from the room across the hall. The air smelled like dust.

"You've seen what he can do, Han, and I think it's best if we let Luke teach him. And he's his uncle, after all, it's not like we're sending him away with complete strangers."

"I just have a bad feeling, is all," replied Han. "I'm just afraid of losing him. He's been quieter than usual. It's not going to be healthy for him."

"You think he's going to be another Vader? He's our son, and I'll be damned if that happens."

After a long, tense pause, Han spoke up.

"Okay. I get it. You want to keep this Jedi thing going. And we could use the free time to keep running things smoothly."

He wanted to run to his parents, to tell them about the evil voice that haunted his dreams each night, the growing sadness and dread. He needed them desperately. But he knew his worries would be met with indifferent pity. Their nights were filled with promises of a happier future for him, but those promises never seemed to hold up. If they didn't want him around, that's how things were going to be.

…

Despite his efforts a couple of tears streamed down his face, falling into his scar and down his neck. Every breath was cold and torturous. A few small snowflakes floated down.

…

A couple months had passed, and Ben was now standing beside his uncle Luke. His long gray robes swept the deep green grass they both stood on and his graying hair and beard shone in the sun. Han and Leia both hugged him close, whispering their well wishes and goodbyes. Other younglings shouted and played in the distance, unaware that they had a new pupil joining their master's ranks. The day was balmy, and his family rained down kind word after kind word. It still wasn't enough. Ben had never felt so alone.

"We'll see you soon, kid," Han laughed, tussling Ben's hair and wrapping his arm around his wife.

Before Ben knew it, the Millennium Falcon rose into the sky, carrying what remained of what he had known his entire life. His parents, Chewie, and his childhood were all leaving him in one fowl swoop. Even though he had his uncle, training in isolation could do nothing but hurt.

He could do nothing but watch the Falcon blast off without him and grow smaller and smaller as it reached the edges of the atmosphere. It took everything he had to hold back a wall of emotion. Luke was watching him closely and he didn't want him to see.

"You ready, Ben?" he asked kindly, gesturing him closer with his mechanical hand. Ben shuffled closer to him and his uncle wrapped his arm around the young boy's shoulders.

"I haven't told my other students about you yet, but they'll be thrilled to have you here," he continued, steering him towards the massive stone temple and low huts that sat quietly in the distance.

…

"Ben? Ben, are you alright?" Rey asked, reappearing with a steel staff and rough wooden books cradled in her arms. Her arms and face were covered in oil and grime. She ran towards him as best as she could. She set her things down onto the grass and knelt in front of him. Her eyes were wide with worry and her face began to tighten with emotion.

"Talk to me." She gently put her hand on his and waited for his response. He jumped at her touch. The tears flowed faster now, but he tried to reassure her. The words choked him. All his guilt and regret fell on top of him at once as if an entire planet had fallen onto his shoulders.

…

Han Solo fell into the depths of Starkiller Base, his last touch lingering on Ben's cheek with the sting of a slap. The lightsaber he had stabbed the old man with hissed and crackled in victory, but he could feel nothing but the regret of his actions swallowing him whole.

He could sense Leia on the main bridge. He prepared to aim a fatal strike, but hesitated as she reached out, pleading for him to stop and reconsider. He did, but it didn't do any good in the end. His troops still blasted her and her comrades into the vacuum of space. She had survived, though. How could that have happened?

He held out his trembling hand to Rey as the embers of the burning throne room drifted down around them. He wanted to create something new with her. Away from the Sith and the Jedi, the Resistance and the First Order. She had no reason to go back to her friends, but at the same time she had every reason to leave him. He failed to realize that and their fight over the lightsaber left his heart even more decimated than if he had just accepted her choice. Everyone who had ever met him deserved to run away from him and escape the fallout.

…

"I'm so sorry," he managed to croak. More snow was falling now, fat white flakes floating delicately through the icy air.

Rey was taken aback at first. She leaned away but then returned to her original position. Her jaw was set in anticipation, and she patiently waited for him to say more. Her hand still rested on his, a lifeline for him.

"For everything," he continued. "I was just so angry and confused I couldn't see a path in front of me and I kept stumbling through everything I've ever done. I've never been able to forgive anyone for anything, even my own family. I've never been so sorry in my life."

Still she remained silent, yet her other hand moved towards his. Her touch felt solid and safe, like the heat from a gentle fire. His breathing turned swallow and desperate, and he pressed his lips together.

"I swear to you, I'll make things right." His voice regained some composure even as more tears fell onto his robe. "For them…" He glanced towards the broken hull of his parent's ship.

"…and for you." He met her eyes, and his heart stopped.

To his surprise, she held back tears of her own, her hands shaking against his own. Even so, a watery smile graced her lips. Every part of her shone with pride.

"I know you will," she breathed, wrapping her fingers under his. Snowflakes stuck in her hair and on her skin and her breath had turned misty. A desert dweller unmoved by the bitter cold around her.

How could someone like him ever deserve someone as beautiful and powerful and as kind as her? But after all the atrocities he had done she was still here. At this moment it was all he could ever ask for.

He leaned forward and hugged her tightly, his chest heaving with sobs.

She stiffened up at first but then returned the hug in full force. Her arms shook, and Ben could feel a tear or two drop onto his shoulder. The snow was falling quickly now, threatened to stick to their bodies if they stayed on the ground for too long.

They stayed still for the longest time. Slowly Ben's tears subsided, and his breaths began to relax and deepen. Rey still hugged back as fiercely as she had before. They both clung to each other as if their very lives depended on it.

Finally, the two separated. The Falcon's massive, broken frame sunk down as if the structure had let out a deep breath.

Ben nodded shakily, the chilly air licking at his scar. They both stood up as the snow rippled to the ground around them. Quiet fell over the plains as everything became blanketed in white.

Rey stood in front of him, her eyes wet but her lips still showing traces of that smile. Her smaller frame shivered like a thin stalk of grass in the frosty plains air.

"Here," said Ben. He stuck out his arm, offering her the shelter of his cloak.

She crept under his arm, crossing her arms and scrunching down.

"Thank you," she murmured. Red blotches already covered her cheeks, but now their color seemed to deepen.

They watched the crashed Falcon quietly. Snow began to stick to the broken hull and cling to the shattered glass of the cockpit.

This piece of his past had literally died, quite violently, but with it died his blind hate. His parents had neglected him, left him on a strange planet with his uncle to learn things he wasn't ready to learn. What they had done had made him suffer but betraying them and the good they stood for was never the answer. He'd taken things too far. He always had.

Now that the First Order and Snoke were behind him, and now that Rey was beside him, he could begin to make a difference, right here and now.

"Rey, I am going to make a memorial for Han… my father. Will you help me?"

She nodded quietly and stepped out from underneath his cloak.

"Did you see a pair of golden dice in the cockpit?"

She nodded again and bolted back she way she had come initially. While she found the dice, Ben set to work. He started towards the wreckage and grabbed the biggest piece of metal he could lift by hand and a sharp bit of shrapnel. He refrained from using Force abilities. He was going to do this by himself, no outside help.

He set the charred metal sheet aside and found a spot a few yards away from the wreckage. He unclipped his lightsaber and ignited it. The blade that struck down Han Solo was now going to lay him to rest. Ben acknowledged the irony but didn't react. He had a job to do.

He drove the lightsaber down into the ground almost a foot down, then sliced across the ground. Now that a nice divot had been created, he lifted the metal sheet up with a grunt and slid it into the smoking gash. As he expected the debris stayed upright.

Taking his lightsaber, Ben began to carve the metal into a slightly smaller, more headstone-like shape. Once that was finished and he tossed the leftover metal aside, he took the shrapnel and scraped words onto the dull surface:

Han Solo

Smuggler, Husband, Father, Hero

By the time he put the finishing touches on his work Rey returned. A pair of golden dice attached to each other by a fine chain hung from her fingers. He took them from her with the upmost care and gently draped them on top of his metallic headstone.

"It looks really nice," she complemented him.

Ben stood back up and stared at his handiwork. He only hoped that his father could see him now and forgive him. With Snoke and the First Order behind him, and Rey beside him, he finally found the strength to accept his father's actions and move on.

"You did the right thing," Rey whispered. Ben drew in a shaky breath but did not say anything.

"I'm sure he'd be proud." She glanced up at the white sky and sighed. A wisp of steam escaped her lips.

"It really is beautiful here," Ben commented. "I'm glad we could do this here, of all places."

"Imagine if the ship had crashed back on Jakku. We'd have nowhere nice to set this up," said Rey.

Though the occasion was quite somber, Ben couldn't help but smile at her small jest.

"Here, let's go back." He turned around and headed back towards the warmth of the parked shuttle. "You look like you're freezing."

"You'd be correct," she replied. Her shivers had gotten worse and more snowflakes stuck to her hair and robes.

As they both jogged quickly to the shuttle, Ben looked over his shoulder at the fallen freighter. The new fallen snow gave to wrecked ship a clean look, the white covering the black charred areas and leaving behind the dulled silver. The dice on the metal headstone glinted even from this distance.

All of Ben's pain had disappeared as he cut out and carved his father's memorial. For the first time in a long time, he felt at peace. The sensation of it seemed to lighten his steps and relax his muscles. The past was behind him, but killing it was never the solution. One must carry pieces of it along their way in order to truly change for the better.

…

They arrived a short while later back in Vaas Minas. The two suns just began to dip behind the mountains when Ben touched the shuttle down in their usual spot outside the main cluster of houses and buildings. Clusters of villagers huddled around tall pillars of fire, their chatter ringing into the darkening sky. Some of the cliffside homes had lights on in some windows. As always, the weather was balmy and cool. Ben and Rey stepped out of their craft.

Once they had climbed on board she had grabbed the first blanket she could see and parked herself squarely on the bunk in the cabin next to the Jedi texts. That blank still graced her shoulders, even though they were far from the snow and wind of the fallen Falcon.

No sooner had they stepped one foot onto the dirt path of Vaas Minas that a flood of Noves came forward to greet them. As always, bulani and selisa popped up in some of the words shouted to the pair of them.

"Our two heroes have arrived," shouted a hoarse voice. Exbi shuffled through the crowd to stand in front of Rey and Ben. His horns still glimmered with the usual pink charms, but his robes were a deep blue. "I expect your journey to the Fall was productive?"

Ben and Rey looked at one another. Even though they had known the old village leader for more than a week, his knowledge of things outside of himself was still sometimes surprising.

"Yes," Ben answered simply. The afternoon had worn his nerves down and he couldn't say more. Rey had been there and that had been enough.

Exbi gave him a knowing look but didn't ask for further details. "Come, both of you. We've prepared a nice dinner for you tonight. No more ration packets from the market if you don't want them."

He turned around and began to walk away, his people moving with him as if drawn by a powerful magnet. The air was filled with laughter and excited conversations in their clipped language. Bright torchlight illuminated their green scales.

The two humans trailed a bit behind. Rey still gripped the ends of her blanket tightly though the evening air felt warm. Ben walked close beside her, the events of the afternoon replaying over and over in his mind's eye. It felt as if time had been cut into two pieces, everything before finding the Falcon and everything after. A new path lay in front of him, but what lay in store for him was still a mystery. He ran a hand through his hair nervously.

That's when he stopped dead in his tracks. A faint humming began to reach his ears, something that sounded far off but grew louder with each passing second. A ship's engine. It was unmistakable.

His heartrate shot up and his hand moved toward his lightsaber. Rey seemed to have heard the noise as well and the muscles in her shoulders tensed.

A tall, dark shape was framed against the pale orange and pink clouds of the sunset. A First Order transport ship, by the looks of it. Anger bubbled up in his chest. Their mind trick on Colonel Penma appeared to have finally worn off. Why were they here now? They should have had more time to hide out. But their present situation suggested otherwise.

The villagers noticed the craft in the sky one by one. Startled shrieks and a chorus of deep yells sprang up. Some villagers sprinted off in random directions to seek shelter while others stood frozen in the middle of the dirt road. The scrape of hooves was almost deafening, Ben and Rey barely managing to stay upright as bodies pushed past them left and right.

"We can fight them, can't we?" Rey asked him, her voice tight with anxiety. "I just need to run and get my staff—"

"You two need to run."

Exbi clambered up to them, panting and thumping the ground with his cane.

"Why? We can help you, we've done it before!" Rey tried to reason.

But the village leader shook his horned head sadly. "Selisa, there are too many of them this time. Take your friend and leave on that shuttle now."

The transport now hovered ominously over Vaas Minas, the roar of its engines deafening now.

"Go to the city planet Urear, I have friends there that will be able to take you in. My people and I will be able to take care of ourselves, don't you worry about that."

Ben lowered his hand from his belt. Rey hesitated to reply but nodded in understanding with a fearful look on her face.

"Take these." Out of his pocket Exbi procured two small crystals. They glimmered softly in the light of the torches around them. He gave one to Ben and the other to Rey. "These are your life. You'll know what to do."

With a pointed look at Ben, Exbi made his way to the rest of his villagers who were huddled in one giant mass under the looming First Order ship.

Ben and Rey broke out into a run. In a matter of moments, they were safe in the cover of the darkening forest. Twigs snapped and pine needles crunched under their boots.

They quickly stumbled into the shuttle and into their seats in the cockpit. Ben's heart hammered from nerves as he punched a number of buttons and lifted carefully into the air. The First Order landed in the middle of the little village. As they raced towards the outer edges of the atmosphere, tiny white dots of stormtroopers spilled out into Vaas Minas.

"Are we doing the right thing?" Rey asked. She ran her fingers along the facets of her crystal.

Ben swallowed his fear down and set coordinates for the city planet of Urear. His own crystal sat on the dashboard. "I think so. We're not actually there so he can't lie. They'll believe him."

"Let's hope we can get to the Resistance in time," she murmured.

Their shuttle now soared through the vacuum of space, tiny stars surrounding them. The blue and green of Nov Sensum grew smaller and more distant behind them.

The ship lurched back as the hyper drive was engaged. The stars melted together, and they shot forward into the great expanse.