Day 0, Week 3

Apollo's POV

I'm boooored. Camp's great, but there's no one my age here! Well, no one who's my CURRENT age anyway. Apparently I used to be a lot bigger? I don't really understand what's going on with that. It has to do with everyone… everyone I lost. And how Will, Kayla, and Austin are my family. They're my children.

My mind went staticky for a moment. Guess I still can't think of that.

I'm not worried though. I'll remember what's going on eventually. I know I will. My memories are getting clearer every day.

But for now, I have NOTHING to do! Will's off with his boyfriend and Kayla's at target practice, leaving Austin to look after me. Which is fine, but he just wants to read. I wanna play!

Maybe I should sneak out?

My sister's face fills my vision. "Oh baby bro~ther, you are in so~ much trouble," she sing-songs evilly.

NOPE.

Which means I have to figure out what to do that DOESN'T involve sneaking out.

"Austin, I'm boooored," I whined. If I can't figure out what to do, maybe he can?

"Have you figured out what you want to do yet, or are you just complaining in the hopes that I can figure out something to do for you like the last five times you said that?" he asked, not looking up from his book.

I grumbled incoherently.

He set the book down. "How about I set you up on a play date with some other kids?"

I perked up. Other kids? I didn't think there was anyone around who was nearly as young as I was!

Austin noticed my questioning look. "There aren't any demigods around here that are your age - the youngest was Harley, and he's nine so that's still quite an age gap, plus he's been visiting Camp Jupiter for the past several weeks anyway - but there are some other kids around."

"Where?" I asked excitedly, peering around the room in the hopes that they's mysteriously materialize. (That happened a lot actually. Will had recently cleared Nico of his shadow-traveling restrictions. Nico had promptly decided that doors were for losers. Or maybe he just liked startling me.)

"Satyr school's back in session," Austin explained. "Little satyrs from all over the country are coming back here for the new semester - including some around your age. Well, your physical and mental age anyway. Maybe we could stop over there and see whether you can make some new friends?"

Oh, of course! Satyrs are great! I don't remember much about them really, but I know they love music. I love music too! This'll be great!

"Let's go, let's go!" I jumped up, pulling on Austin's arm.

"Ok, ok," he laughed, putting a bookmark in his book and carefully setting it down on his bunk.

I piggybacked on Austin all the way to the satyr school. I mean, I COULD have walked, but why WOULD I?

As we got closer to the satyr school I spotted several young satyrs milling around. The oldest among them looked around twenty, nearly ready to graduate. But the youngest…

I grinned as I spotted a group of six-to-ten-year-old satyrs practicing on their pan pipes - very poorly, but everyone has to start SOMEWHERE.

Austin headed towards them, with me peeking over his shoulders. I'm glad he got a haircut recently, or I wouldn't be able to see a thing.'

Austin gently set me down and I ran towards the little satyrs. "Hey! Can I join in?"

The three of them looked towards me, blinking. I guessed they'd only expected to see satyr children, so I was a bit of a surprise.

After a moment one of them shrugged. "Sure. We don't have long though, class starts in a few minutes. We're practicing our music, but it's not going too well."

"Can I help?" I asked, eager to show off my musical skill. If I could help other people while doing it, even better!

The same satyr looked back at me doubtfully. "Only if you can play the pan pipes. I've been trying to play this little song, but my fingers always end up in the wrong place. See?"

He played a few notes. Everything SEEMED to be going well at first, but near the end his fingers kinda collided and blocked each other.

Hmm. I think I can help with this!

"Can you repeat that?" I asked.

He looked at me quizzically, but nodded. He repeated the song while I watched, keeping an eye on hi hand movements. Aaaand… there!

"I've got it!" I shouted. The satyr jumped a little.

"If you just move your fingers like so, and adjust your grip like this…" I said as I maneuvered his hand into the correct position and showed him how to move it, "…then you should be able to play it all the way through!"

He looked at me doubtfully, but tried it. As he got farther and farther into the song, his eyes widened in joy and wonder.

When he finished without a single mistake, he took the pipes from his lips and looked at me in awe. "How did you DO that? I've been practicing for weeks, but I couldn't get past that bit no matter how hard I tried."

I laughed humbly, secretly pleased by the praise. "I'm kinda an expert in music, and it's fun to teach others. I'd love to help more if you need it! Or just hang out, I'm bored."

"Yeah! I'd love to," the satyr smiled back. "But I don't think- "

The bell rang and all the satyrs started heading inside.

"-that there's time right now," the satyr finished, disappointed. "I'll be free after class though."

"Awesome!" I cheered. I'd already made a new friend! "I'll meet you here after class then."

The satyr smiled and turned to head inside, but paused. "Oh yeah, my name's Birk. What's yours?"

"Nice to meet you Birk! I'm Apollo!" I chirped.

Birk's eyes widened. He swiftly turned around and ran inside as fast as his feet could take him.

I frowned. Was he that eager to start school, or… no. Something was strange. He'd almost looked… afraid, when he heard my name.

But why?

I walked back over to where Austin was standing. He smiled, having watched the whole exchange. "You have a new friend, huh?"

I was about to say yes, but I hesitated. I'd THOUGHT we were friends, but. But. That look. That wasn't the kind of look you'd give to a friend. It's the kind of look I'd have when I thought about Python.

Why would Birk look that way at me?

"I… think so?" I answered.

Austin frowned. "You two looked like you were getting on well. What's the problem?"

"I thought we WERE! We even made plans to meet up here after he's done with school for the day. But then I told him my name and he ran. He almost looked scared, and I don't know why."

Austin seemed deep in thought. His eyes widened slightly. "…Oh."

"What is it? Did you figure out why he acted like that?" I asked eagerly. If I knew why Birk looked scared, maybe I could fix it! I didn't want my new friend to be scared of me.

Austin looked away. "I- I could be wrong. Let's wait until you see your friend again. It could be for a silly reason."

I didn't think it was for a silly reason. I didn't think Austin thought it was for a silly reason either. But I went along with it. "…Ok."

We headed back to the Me cabin. I sent a few furtive looks back at the schoolhouse. Whatever the problem was, I hope I can fix it. I don't want to lose my new friend after just having made one!

—–

We headed back over to the schoolhouse. I elected to walk this time, clutching Austin's sleeve nervously.

The school bell rang. Satyrs streamed out. I kept my eyes out for my friend (?).

After a few moments I spotted him, nearly concealed by a crowd of older satyrs.

"Birk!" I cried out, running towards him.

He flinched and looked away, seeming to search for an escape route.

I slowed down. He really DID seem to want to get away from me.

But why?

If he didn't want to be friends anymore, fine. But I needed to know why. Otherwise I'd always wonder if I could've salvaged our friendship.

I reached him before he could leave. He froze, looking like he wanted to be ANYWHERE but here.

I faked a smile and tried to look as friendly and non-frightening as possible. "You… want to practice some more?"

"Uh- uh- uh- I- I have somewhere else I need to go! Not that I'd ever ditch you ifyoureallywantmetogoIwillpleasedon'tflayme," he said in a rush, looking progressively more and more scared.

I blinked, attempting to process that sentence. He… thought I might flay him? What was flaying?

Burning wrists and ankles. Molten tiles moving around underneath my skin, rearranging my essence until I was no longer me. Enormous, excruciating, unbearable pain. And the small whisper, "The world doesn't need you…"

I shuddered. He thought I was gonna do THAT to him?!

"Why would I- why would you think- I would NEVER do that to you! Ever! Why do you think I would?!"

"You've done it before," he stated quietly.

WHAT

"I've… what?" I whispered hoarsely.

Birk looked back at me, seeming a little more sure of himself. "Flaying. You've done it before."

"Wh-why? Why would I do that? To ANYONE?"

Birk looked less scared now, and more puzzled. "You don't remember?"

I shook my head. "I'm not totally sure of what happened, but I lost all my memories and became a baby. I'm getting my memories back and am growing quickly, but I'm still missing a LOT."

"Oh." Birk bit his lip. "Well we're - us satyrs - we're told stories about the gods. You in particular. It's to warn us to never, EVER brag in front of a god, or claim to possibly as good or better than one at anything."

My heart sank. This sounded BAD. "What- what happened?"

"Well there was this satyr Marsyas who found a flute lying on the ground. He was reeeeally good at playing it, and said it was as good as yours." Birk seemed to realize WHO he was speaking to again, hurriedly adding, "Not that it WAS as good, of course not, your music is infinitely better Lord Apollo, I wouldn't dare-"

"It's fine Birk," I interjected. "I'm not gonna hurt you no matter WHAT you say about me. And especially not when you're just telling a story."

"Al-alright then. Well like I said, he said he was as good a musician as you. Then you popped up and declared that if he really thought so, then you both should have a music contest, with the winner being able to do anything they want to the loser, exact any punishment. Marsyas had no choice but to agree. You don't say no to a god, especially a pissed-off god. So they held a music contest, you on a lyre and Marsyas on his flute, but you guys were evenly matched. You broke the tie by saying that whoever could do the best trick-playing should win. You played the lyre backwards, but Marsyas couldn't play the flute backwards, so you won. And then… a-and then…"

He flinched and drew in on himself, looking anywhere but at me.

Whatever caused him so much fear, I was responsible for it.

I HATED it.

I wanted to reach out and give him a hug, but I feared that would have the opposite effect of what I wanted.

What kind of person had I been, that this kid couldn't even talk about something I'd done without shaking in fear?

Birk took a shuddering breath. Still not looking at me, he finished his story. "And then you said that you needed to remind Marsyas that he was a mortal satyr, just flesh-and-blood. And that you were gonna prove it by- by- by skinning him alive. The rivers around where it happened still flow red with blood, and I don't know WHAT you did with the skin. I heard one version where you made it into a wine-skin."

Birk's face looked green at this point. I thought mine might look the same.

"That's- that's sick," I said at last.

I'd really done THAT? I didn't REMEMBER that, but that didn't mean much. I couldn't remember much of anything from before I was a baby.

Had I really been so awful?

"I- I don't remember any of that," I told Birk. "I don't know why I'd do that. I don't know how I could even do that, torture someone to death. But I PROMISE, I'm not gonna do it to you. I'm not gonna do it to anyone. That's- that's WRONG and I was wrong for doing that then too."

Birk looked back at me cautiously. "You don't SEEM like you'd flay someone alive… but gods can be nice one minute and kill you the next. You never know with gods."

I swallowed.

"I'm sorry. I don't remember it, but I AM sorry."

I braced myself, preparing to ask the question that had been rattling around in my mind since Birk first ran off, looking terrified.

"Do you- do you still wanna be friends?"

A look of panic crossed Birk's face.

"You don't have to," I blurted out hurriedly. "I'm not gonna get angry, or hurt you, or anything either way. And I don't want you to lie because you're afraid to say 'no'"

Birk still looked a little freaked, but- "I… I'm still scared. I like you and you seem nice, but I can't stop thinking about Marsyas's screams as- as-"

"I understand," I stated miserably, my heart in my stomach. "I'll leave you alone then."

I turned to leave, fighting back tears.

"WAIT!"

I whipped back around.

"I'd still like to be your friend, just… give me time? Please? And- and don't talk to me alone. Not yet. Maybe… maybe come by again in a few weeks?"

"S-sure," I said.

I finally let some tears flow. As scared as he was, Birk still wanted to try to be my friend.

I hoped I was the kind of person worthy of being his friend. After hearing that story and seeing the fear in his eyes, I wasn't so sure.

I walked back to Austin. As he took in my expression, the concern in his eyes morphed into understanding. He exhaled. "The Marsyas story, I'm guessing?"

I jerked my head upright. "You knew?!"

He looked to the side, rubbing the back of his neck. "I… suspected. I know a satyr who was scared of you because of that story. He freaked out when you came to camp last time because of it."

"So… so it's true," I said dejectedly. "I really did all that."

Austin sighed. "Probably. Most myths are true, after all."

"How… how could I have done that? Tortured someone to death?"

Austin squatted down, getting down to eye level with me. "Apollo. Maybe you did that in the past. I don't know, I wasn't there. But the 'you' I know never would have done that. The Apollo I know pulled me and several others out of the way of Greek Fire. The Apollo I know plunged into the woods to save Kayla and I, KNOWING that it would be dangerous. I don't know what the Apollo in the Marsyas story was really like. I don't know why he did what he did. But I know the current 'you', and I think he's a very good person. It just might take time for others to see that."

I nodded tearfully and jumped into Austin's arms. He cradled me close as he walked home, carrying me the whole way.

I didn't know why I did the things I did in the past. I couldn't change them either. But I could be a better person than I had been, a person that didn't cause little satyr children to cry just from hearing my name.

I didn't want to be feared anymore.