Chapter 42: Professor Norton

Severus was sat in his bedroom at Prince Manor. Septimus and Desdemona had gone to the Gobstones Inn for a meal and to keep an eye on the staff management whilst Eileen and Robin were in Crete for their honeymoon. Lily and her family had gone home, but Lily promised to meet with him at the playground upon his return to Cokeworth. She took advantage of his absence by inviting Mary, Marlene and Rebecca round for the week and they and Petunia had slumber parties. To be on the safe side, Lily assured Petunia that all of her Hogwarts friends were taken – by boys. Fortunately, her sister saw the funny side of her concern.

Severus was sat wondering if Petunia and Trevor had patched things up yet, if Remus was managing at the Hogwarts Hospital Wing, and if he should use the item currently in his hand.

Dumbledore had given him the Stone at the wedding party, but he was unsure if he could face his old love after the dispute they had. He didn't want to face her when she said he had to let his hate go. He didn't want to feel the rejection of being unimportant when Lily defended Black's actions in school, and James' precious soulmate connection with her, that crushed his own hopes and dreams.

Would Lily even want to know him after he insulted each one of her best friends who replaced him, and her husband, even though he helped Severus gain his second chance at life?

He doubted it, but…

"I've never given up on Lily Evans Potter before, and I don't intend to start now…even if we were only ever meant to be friends-turned-enemies."

He turned the Stone thrice in his hand and shut his eyes out of fear of looking into her transparent green eyes.

"Sev?"

Her voice didn't sound indifferent or contemptuous. But Severus still could not look at her. He still felt guilty for it all, not just for their argument, but also for making her what she is: a shadow, a spectre…a dead woman. She was only 21 years-old…

"Sev, please…look at me."

Severus inhaled deeply, unable to deny her what she wanted. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Hey…"

"Please don't feel guilty," she whispered with tears gleaming in her eyes.

"How can I not? Potter and yourself, along with Dumbledore got me here. I'm alive because of you three and the Higher Ones…and all I can think about is the bad stuff. I still hate Potter, and Dumbledore to an extent. I especially hate Black too. I have no right! I have a second life, a new chance and hope of being loved…and I couldn't do the same for you. I couldn't bring you back…and I throw my chance back in your face by expressing my hatred for those you hold dearest."

"Sev…you have every right!"

"No-"

"In some respects!"

Severus looked at her in confusion.

"Everything you have had go through your mind related to us is true," said Lily, with tears pouring down her cheeks. "I know we agreed to stop feeling guilt and remember that we are still and always will be best friends…but it's so damn hard sometimes."

Severus didn't remove his eyes from hers.

"If I hadn't given in to peer pressure and abandoned you, refusing to accept your apologies, however much I could see you meant them, you may have had something to hang on to, other than Voldemort."

"That might not be true," admitted Severus, "you told me that even if you had forgiven me, you still would have fallen for Potter. I just know deep down that the minute I would have found out that you were dating and marrying the boy who ruined my Hogwarts years…I would have signed up to Voldemort instantly. I would have wanted revenge…our friendship was never enough for me, Lily…I was too selfish for that. You were the only light in my life…and Potter took that light away from me. Voldemort would have been my only way out, my only hope of getting…ha…justice!"

Lily was trembling, even in her unsolid form, it was clear that her guilt kept her down to earth beyond even the Stone's power, the guilt still taunting her immortal soul, and Severus'.

"So, you think you were doomed from the start?"

"Yes, I knew it the instant you told me that you still would have chosen Potter as your soulmate. It broke me in more ways than just your rejection, Lily. In that moment of confession, you revealed to me that my fate would have turned out the same…only that my betrayal of you would have been all the more devastating."

Lily convulsed.

"Your love for me was always your undoing, Sev…and I am so sorry that I would not have been able to save you."

"And I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough to resist the dark side…I'm sorry you never lived to raise your son and live your life in the new world you loved so much."

"I don't know how, Sev…but we must let it go."

"I cannot, Lils. I may be able to let go of my love for you…to an extent, if I can find happiness with this new Lily…but I cannot let go of my past life…it made me what I am now, able to see my mistakes and change them. But I don't think myself mistaken to still hate the Marauders. And although I will always respect Dumbledore…he was a manipulative old coot who used my guilt and thrust even more upon me by ordering me to murder him…"

"It wasn't in cold blood," defended Lily witheringly.

"No, but he knew it could endanger my soul…I had never killed whilst in Voldemort's service until then…I wanted to show you and all those others that I was not as far gone as you all believed. But he ruined that too, lied to me that I was acting to protect your son, only to reveal that he always planned for the boy to die…and then he had the audacity to plead with me in that final moment…and yet still using me in his plan, making his pleas for death look like pleas for life!"

"Sev…I'm sorry…"

"And I can't stop hating the Marauders…I'm sorry, Lily, but I just can't! One tried to kill me, one tried to eat me, one took you from me and humiliated me…and the other played a part in your death."

Lily's tears fell freely, but silently.

"I know, Sev…I agree with you in Sirius and Peter's cases…"

"You do?"

"I will never forgive Peter for selling us out…if I blame anyone other than Voldemort for my death and leaving Harry an orphan, it's Peter. Not you, Peter! He got what he deserved that day at Malfoy Manor…a slow, frightening death."

"Like me…"

"No, you didn't deserve your death!" sobbed Lily.

"I did and I don't regret it. If I lived, I'd have been pitied but still unloved…if not hated and unloved, rotting in Azkaban."

Lily nodded before continuing herself.

"And Sirius should have been punished more for what he did to you…I don't think Dumbledore could have pulled off expelling him without exposing Remus…"

"As if he would have expelled him anyway," muttered Severus coldly.

"…but he could have done so much more to him. He could have put him in detention until graduation! He could have suspended him, or even put him in the dungeons for a month! I don't care…he shouldn't have gotten away with it, and he and James should not have lorded it over you."

"But they did…and I like to think I paid that unjust debt back in your boy's first year…the first of god-knows-how many times I had to save him and protect him. That act of muttering a counter curse on his broomstick was so…satisfying, not because I was saving a life, but because I felt the life debt that I owed your forsaken husband cleansing itself off of me…it even stopped my feeling unhappy that your boy beat my House's team in that game. The feeling of no longer being in that arrogant dick's debt was…almost euphoric, the closest thing to happiness I had known since my days with you at school."

Lily felt bittersweet. Severus recounted a time of happiness in his life, but at the same time was speaking so callously about her husband and son, revealing the large space of time without happiness he had gone through between their fifth year and Harry's first term, and the bitterness of being indebted to James Potter, something that she agreed that James didn't really earn. He was saving two others, not the actual person he physically stopped from being killed or becoming a werewolf. James hadn't been playing the hero, as Harry had so often done…he was saving his own and his friends' own skins. And Severus paid the price ultimately.

"I wish your life had been better, Sev," she said sadly.

"And I wish your life had lasted…it makes one feel that we were both doomed the moment we met."

"I don't regret knowing you, Severus!"

"Nor I you…but it doesn't change the fact that we lost everything because of the other."

"I'm sorry."

"I am too."

"But not to James and Remus?"

"Never…Lupin nearly ate me."

"He couldn't have helped that! He wasn't in control!"

"Fine! But he was in control all those times I was bullied or attacked four on one! He chose to let me go through that, never taking responsibility for himself or his friends, not even when he had the authority to stop them and threaten them with house point deduction or detention…because he was too much of a coward!"

Lily could only agree here. What Severus was saying was true. Remus did throw him under the bus by letting his friends punish him for existing...all because of his unstable condition and the fear of his friends abandoning and outing him, not that they would have done.

"But he helped you protect Harry."

"And lost me some decent recognition…expected me to keep quiet about his condition after continuing to belittle me at the same time! He even humiliated me with the Longbottom boy's boggart. The git was lucky I continued making the Wolfsbane Potion for him!"

"You were no better, constantly trying to out him to the students, then putting him out of a job in the end!"

Severus stopped the argument.

"And I know full well that you still won't forgive James…but please…if you loved me, Sev, please be happy that I knew love before I died and afterwards. And please don't think that I completely sided with him after death. I quietly loathed his lies for years and we only truly buried the hatchet after you met the new me. I promise you that I am not against you…but I do want you to forgive them, as I have done…maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow…but one day…please."

Severus looked at Lily deeply. He could never deny her anything she wanted, but this request was the possible exception.

Forgiving James Potter and his cronies was something beyond his comprehension, and worse, it made him sick to his stomach. But then, so did the idea of letting his best friend down. There was no win here.

"I just…feel that…"

"What, Sev?"

"I feel that if I let it go and forgive them…it would be like they won…that they got away with it all over again. That I walked away without justice, with my proverbial tail tucked between my legs."

"Sev…you've won. You had an awful life, yes, but you came out the better man. You saved so many lives and only took the one, out of that one's orders and as a mercy killing rather than a cold-blooded one. You have a whole new life in front of you, a life where you can have everything you ever dreamed of, and don't tell me it's just a chance now. I have seen so clearly that she is in love with you, and you with her. That dance was so beautiful, it reminded me of my wedding dance with James. Anyone would've thought it was your wedding day, not your mother's! Forgiving my husband and his friends doesn't make it better for them and worse for you, Sev! It doesn't make them win, nor does it make you weak. It means you can finally be free of the sins and bad memories of the past, or at the very least, accept them and learn to be happy at last."

Severus listened intently to her desperate but valid monologue. Lily was right…she had always been right, with only a few self-confessed exceptions.

"I will try, Lils…but it won't be easy."

"At least learn to forgive them before you die, yeah? I don't want all this back and forth, one side to the next for all eternity."

"I promise not to put you through that when the time comes, Lily," he said.

"And I know to trust you and your promises, or you'll be in big trouble!" teased his best friend.

Severus chuckled softly.

A short while later, the Stone was dropped once more.

Severus was daydreaming about the events following the wedding and the chat with Lily Potter. The summer had passed by rapidly. They had all had such a good time off. After returning home to his newly whole family, Severus spent quite a lot of time with his mother and Robin, and the latter took them on many trips, Muggle and Wizarding alike. A favourite of Severus' was when Robin took them uptown to the river which flowed through Cokeworth, only to a point where the industrialisation did not take its toll on the water. He took them there on a fishing trip, and the peacefulness of the pastime was what attracted Severus to it most of all. He couldn't for the life of him envisage even the humbler James Potter of this world being able to partake in the art of angling. He and Lily also spent more time together upon his return home and he also caught up with her girlfriends just before they returned to their own homes. He and Lily visited James at his home for a weekend and he persuaded them to take a flight around his family's sizable estate, but he couldn't get Severus to play Quidditch. Quincey also came to visit on the final week, but most of what he had to talk about was how he and Mary had been to Diagon Alley and a Muggle cinema on dates over the summer. He also begrudged Lily teasingly for dragging her away from him on that one week that Severus was at Prince Manor. The final weekend involved the Evans family and the Prince family dining at the Gobstones Inn on the Saturday, and then the Manor itself one last time before term started once more. It was a jolly weekend, and Severus and Lily were getting closer and closer. The only downside was that Petunia, though able to stay within sight of her father, still wasn't talking to him.

The thought of watching Lily plead with Petunia one last time to patch things up with Trevor before Christmas on Platform Nine and Three Quarters was what was going through Severus' mind as he leaned his head against the compartment window on the train back to Hogwarts.

Then Lily brought him back to earth.

"Sev!"

"W-what?"

"Are you or are you not going to join Peter's team in the Gobstones Club?"

"Yeah, sure. I may have even inherited my mother's skill," he said absently.

Lily smiled, as did Peter. He was keen to have closer connections in the House Union. He had realized how singled out he was when he saw that everybody had someone to be with at the wedding of Eileen and Robin Kennedy. He was given a pity dance by Lily's sister, whom he had learned that evening was gay. He had decided that night that he would try harder to be more active in the group and be a friend worth remembering. He was a good member of the Gobstones Club, and upon learning casually at the wedding that Eileen had been a champion, decided to proposition Severus into joining him as a partner in the team. He was happy that his first effort had succeeded.

The jolly chatter amongst the new fourth years in the Union continued until they reached Hogwarts, clad in their school robes. They waved to Hagrid as he guided the first years, and then boarded the carriages. Severus and Lily shared theirs with the cosy looking Quincey and Mary.

Lily looked quite enviously at Mary, her head nuzzled into her boyfriend's neck and shoulder. She hoped that she and Severus would be acting that way before Christmas time.

Half an hour later, they were all settled into the Great Hall, sat at their respective tables. Severus chatted amiably with Quincey, Nora and Elizabeth, whilst Lily and Mary caught up with Marlene and Rebecca.

The Sorting was carried out, though the Hat's song seemed to be foreshadowing something, and Severus was worried. He didn't recall one of those songs happening until his final year at Hogwarts, but he did not fear it as he was amongst the wannabe Death Eaters that the Hat had been warning the students of at the time.

Lily looked to him concernedly and his lips drew into a thin line as he nodded in response.

Dumbledore rose to give his usual speeches. His last announcement caught Severus' attention once again.

"Owing to Professor Murdoch only agreeing to stay for a year and his unfortunate accident that broke his hip, I wish to introduce our new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Norton!"

It wasn't the fact that Murdoch had an accident that brought up Severus' attention, (on the last week of term, Murdoch missed a trick step in the staircase whilst trying to chastise a Slytherin student for trying to assault Zeon Gardner the caretaker with a Slug-Eating Jinx and fell down, breaking his hip and forced to pull out a week early), it was the name of the new professor.

Severus looked up to see Norton, a man with short blonde hair, looked to be in his thirties and smiled grimly at the students before sitting down again, between Flitwick and Sprout.

Severus was worried and decided to speak to Dumbledore as soon as the feast was over.

After a satisfactory meal, the students went up to bed, and Severus told Quincey and his fellow Ravenclaws that he was just going to use a bathroom as he passed it. As soon as the sounds of his friends' retreats to the common room were vacant, Severus dashed to the Headmaster's office.

After the usual 'Enter', Severus greeted Dumbledore.

"Not here to see Mrs Potter already, Mr Prince?"

"No, sir, I'm just concerned about your new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," said Severus.

"What concerns do you have?"

"Professor Norton wasn't my teacher the last time round," explained Severus, "A Professor Hawkes was."

"Yes, I was originally going to appoint a Mr Samuel Hawkes," said Dumbledore with a thoughtful gleam in his eye that Severus didn't like the look of, "but sadly, he had to pull out of the position due to an unfortunate, uh, incident. Explosion in his own Potions laboratory. He's still recovering in St Mungo's."

"You don't think it was an accident, Professor?"

"No, Severus. Mr Hawkes was strongly against Voldemort and said so, and what you say makes me concerned that Voldemort had more than one reason to get rid of Hawkes."

"Do you think Professor Norton is actually related to this?"

"He didn't apply for the position until a couple of days after Hawkes' indisposition," replied Dumbledore gravely. "It's just possible."

"So what shall we do about it, Headmaster?"

"There's not much we can do, Severus. There's no-one else to take Professor Norton's place, and we have no proof that he is in league with Voldemort. So, in the meantime, I suggest we, or rather I, should keep a close eye on our new teacher and carry on as normal. You and your Union should keep your distance from the man until I can assure you and myself that nothing is amiss."

Severus wasn't happy with this answer but knew that Dumbledore couldn't offer a better resolution at this juncture.

"Yes, sir."

"Now off to bed, Mr Prince. Sleep well."

"You too, sir."

But Dumbledore knew that he had a few restless nights ahead of him.

Severus had told Quincey that he had been delayed coming back to the common room due to Peeves flooding the bathroom and he had offered to help Zeus Gardner use their magic to clean up the mess.

But that lie was out of both of their minds as they sat together in Defence Against the Dark Arts that afternoon.

Severus had casually led Quincey to the back of the room, so that they wouldn't stand out to Professor Norton, whom seemed fairly indifferent to all of the students as they entered. But there was still something about the man that made Severus feel ill at ease. What it was about this man that disturbed him so, he did not know, but nevertheless, he was disturbed.

"Today, we shall be learning about the Unforgivable Curses," said Norton.

This sparked a strong air of unease and anticipation. Severus narrowed his eyes suspiciously as Norton faced the blackboard, listing the numbers 1, 2 and 3. The Unforgivables should not have been taught until sixth year. The only other time the subject had been taught to fourth years was in the old universe was when a Death Eater was teaching the class in disguise.

"Who can name one of these?"

Half of the classes' hands rose.

"You, Baxter?"

"There's the Imperius Curse, sir."

"Indeed, a curse that can allow the caster to control another person's actions for an indefinite amount of time," said Norton as he wrote 'Imperius' next to the chalked 1.

"Will you be demonstrating, sir?" asked a Hufflepuff nervously.

"No, indeed! You're too young!"

The students all looked relieved to hear that.

Ah, well, that's something, thought Severus.

"The second curse?"

Quincey answered this one with a grim expression.

"The Cruciatus Curse, sir," he said.

"Yes, the curse designed to torture. The curse that can physically cripple and mentally unhinge those subjected to it."

Norton wrote 'Cruciatus' next to the 2.

"And lastly?"

Severus didn't want to say, partly out of his abhorrence of the curse, and partly to be inconspicuous around the enigmatic professor.

"You there, boy?"

Severus realized Norton was addressing him, which sparked his suspicions and uneasiness more.

"The…Killing Curse, sir," he said at last with strong reluctance.

"The incantation being…anyone?"

"Avada K-kedavra," said several students nervously and quietly.

"Yes, the curse that true to its name kills the victim. Straight, simple, quick, instant, possibly painful, but of course, nobody's lived to tell the tale."

There was a terrible gleam in Norton's eyes as he said this and Severus knew, just knew that the strange new teacher had a deep, dark secret.

And, by Dumbledore, quite literally, he was going to find out what it was one way or another.

Here's Chapter 42, and slightly longer than I anticipated it would be, but normally, that's a good thing! Quite a lot happened in this chapter and I hope it is received well. What do you all think of Professor Norton? And of Severus and Lily's exchange? Chapter 43 coming soon, apologies for some long sentences. Please review! Thanks for reading!