::Sneaker's SnacShak – Getting Confrontational::
Karen had to admit, she might have gotten her hopes up when she heard that a new pizza place was holding a raffle- and that the results were getting announced just in time for her birthday. It was the sort of serendipity that made her feel like something had to work out in her favor, just this once... and so, this morning, she'd persuaded her group of friends to help bolster her odds by coming to sign up with her after school.
Persuaded might not have been the right word. Begged was more like. Ike, the Jewish-Canadian wunderkind, and the absolute worst potty-mouth, had rolled his eyes when she asked this morning. His response had been to point out the futility of trying when the chance of winning was so slim, retaining his position as the resident cynic of their bus-stop quartet. It was only after Dougie observed that any part of a percentage of a chance was better than no chance at all- thus justifying the effort and reminding Karen why she still hung out with the guy despite his occasional villainous leanings, that Ike seemed even mildly interested.
At that point the group had been two for, one against, and one utterly indifferent right up until Karen turned the puppy-dog eyes on Tricia... something even she had trouble giving the finger [or as they jokingly called it, the Tucker Salute] to. With that, the score shifted to three-to-one, and Ike was forced to concede... though that didn't stop him from reminding everyone how slim the odds were all day long.
The four of them had skipped out on the bus ride home, opting to instead just walk from school to the mall... and they weren't the only ones from their bus. There had been a handful of other elementary students who went the same way as them, up the road, down the street, across the parking lot and past the mall doors. Upon arrival, they found that the majority of mall-goers this afternoon appeared to be in the 'not adult' bracket, and that the density of kids simply went up the closer they got to the food court.
"It sure is crowded- what's with all these older kids?" Dougie marveled as they found their place in a loosely organized line that wormed between foot court tables and ended up at a fold-out table that had been set up for raffle entrants to fill out their name and address on slips for the drawing.
"You're never too old for a chance at free pizza." Tricia noted flatly, nose pointed down at her phone. "My brother texted me that he's here, too, with his boyfriend, and a bunch of other middle-schoolers."
"... our odds are shit."
"Ike, watch your language!" Karen cried at the youngest of their number, turning on him with fire in her eyes as she planted her feet. "I don't care if the odds are crummy, I still wanna try! It's not like it's costing you anything!"
"If we're calculating off of the legal minimum wage, all of our combined time doing this is worth about forty dollars- assuming we're in line for a minimum of thirty minutes." Dougie observed, shoving one hand in his pants pocket while the other adjusted his thick glasses. "Then again, we're children, so by law our time isn't allowed to be worth anything."
"Not helping, nerd." Tricia's inflection didn't change, though she did peer up from her phone to give Dougie a look. "I'm with Karen on this one- dare to wish a little. Don't go all Debbie-downer on us just so you can get into a smart-off with Ike; that doesn't end well. Ever."
Dougie blushed when accused of competing, and Karen saw Ike's face quirk into a victorious smirk for a split second. Tricia was good at keeping the peace in her... intensely done manner.
"C'mon, Sunshine, line's moving."
"Oh- sorry!" Karen squeaked, turning away from Ike to see that people had shuffled up, Tricia ensuring they didn't lose their spot to any opportunists who might exploit the gap.
"... you guys know this whole shit-fucking raffle is just an exploit for a new business to get everyone's contact information for advertising, right? Don't put your regular e-mail address on the form, or you'll be getting their spam for forever."
Karen half-way turned around again, but Tricia caught her. The girl was the same height as her, but she always seemed so much stronger- both in personality and actual physical strength. It took nothing more than a hand on her shoulder to stop her from looking at Ike, correcting Karen to face front as her own posture returned to the default of looking down at her phone while endlessly scrolling on some media platform or another. From that I am physically incapable of caring less about your petty BS stance, she intoned to Ike; "If you don't quit your bitching, I'm going to put your e-mail on my entry. No one made you come, Ike. You can go screw off back to watching Fortnight let's plays if you really don't care to be here."
"I'm just saying-"
"Yeah, and if you keep just saying I'm going to shove my foot in your open mouth. There might be some actual shit on my shoe- and then you'd have something real to complain about instead of flexing your stupid genius brain all over the place."
Sometimes, Karen really wondered how in the world her little group held together. Oh, she knew why Ike and Dougie hung out with her- they had no one else. Ike was a gifted jerk with a knighthood [in Canada] who had been skipped up a grade, and Dougie was a little red head with coke-bottle glasses who'd already taken an early shine to engineering. Neither of those would be winning any popularity contests anytime soon. She was the poor kid, which made her too broke to participate with the general girl-culture without being everyone's pity friend... and she felt like she was at least a little better than that- a sign of an utterly outrageous sunny outlook on life that she lacked any evidence for believing in.
If it really were just the three of them, the group might have fallen apart. Dougie liked to build, Ike liked to tare down, and Karen just wanted everyone to get along... but then there was Tricia.
Tricia, who was too done for Ike's pretentious cynicism, too grounded for Dougie's big ideas, and too calm to get swept up in Karen's own optimistic disposition. Tricia was almost like an energy sink, but not in the everything is stupid black hole way that Ike sometimes projected. No, more like she brought it all in and gave it direction, taking the different personality types she was faced with and reminding them that yes, everything is stupid. Now quit your bitching and have some fun.
They did have fun. A lot of the time. Just not today, apparently.
After a long pause, she heard Ike let out a sigh.
A few seconds later, Dougie chimed in. "So, what are we gonna do on Sunday if we don't win?"
That was the real question- probably what Ike was getting at, too. He was trying to temper expectations, so that they'd be ready to do something else if this didn't work out the way Karen hoped it would.
"The park is always nice." She put forward. "It's supposed to snow- we could make a fort."
"Nah, screw that." Tricia shook her head, still holding Karen by the shoulder. It morphed, her hand sliding to pat her on the back. "I texted my dad earlier- we're all clear to spend the night at my place as a plan B- that way we can get some hot cocoa after playing in the snow."
"Nice!" Dougie cheered. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"
"Figured I'd save it back to cheer y'all up after the drawing." Tricia shrugged. "What's a birthday without a surprise, right?"
"B-but-" Karen felt her face getting warm. "Tricia, you didn't have to do that..."
People are always doing things for me. Do I always need saving?
"I know." The utterly blunt girl smirked. "But it woulda been a nice come-back to whatever started spewing out of Ike's mouth, right? Now I gotta come up with a different zinger. Thanks Dougie." She tossed over her shoulder.
"It's not like I'm never supportive..." Ike grumbled. "There's just no point in getting hyped up if you're gonna come crashing down..."
"Sometimes the fun part is the hype." Karen pointed out, slipping from Tricia's grasp to turn back towards the guys. "It's no fun if you never get excited for anything."
"Hello, children!"
There was a jovial voice that interrupted their conversation. Karen blinked and looked to find someone in a mascot suit appeared to have taken interest in them. She recognized the mascot from the ad that had brought her attention to the raffle in the first place; a white mouse in black leather that went by the name of...
"Sneaker!" Dougie cried out, apparently finding all of his hype at once.
Ew, something smells like my brother's dirty laundry pile...
The wrinkling of her nose was something that only got a split second of attention, realizing that the mascot had one hand occupied by a great many balloons tied with colored ribbons that curled at the ends. "Me and the gang are ever so sorry for the wait!" The actor within the suit groveled, his tone enthusiastic and over-the-top. "Would anyone like a free balloon?"
"Yes, please!" Karen volunteered at once, shooting her hand up in the air as if she were in class.
"He already offered, you don't gotta say please." Tricia snickered, putting her phone away for a second. "Me too, sure. And the guys- they'll pretend they're too cool for balloons... but they're not."
"Hey!" Dougie complained, but that didn't stop him from grabbing the green ribbon for a bright yellow balloon when it was offered. Tricia knew what was up, and she'd taken a red ribbon connected to a white one.
"Thanks." Ike found his manners, though Karen was willing to bet his green balloon wasn't going to last long once Sneaker's back was turned. It was time for goofy helium voices.
"Thank you very much." She echoed, putting as much genuine gratitude as she could into it as she selected a silver ribbon that connected to a bright pink balloon; something that matched the knit gloves she wore- a home made gift from her big brother. Pink and black had become her color scheme recently, using the contrast to remember her goth phase from a couple years ago while still holding on to the light she liked to carry wherever she went.
"You're very welcome, little girl." Sneaker assured her, his open hand closing but for a single fuzzy digit to poke her on the nose. She'd expected it to be soft and have a lot of give, like a fabric glove, but it was a lot more like getting booped by something mechanical. The suit was sturdy, not soft, with more structure. Either way, the attention made her laugh, and Sneaker stood up to continue down the line. "Remember to hang on tight to your balloons! If you let go, they'll fly away."
"We'll remember." Tricia assured, and Karen felt her hand on her shoulder again, sort of half-gathering her into a one-armed hug, holding her like that until Sneaker left their space for the next group in the line.
"Fuck-knuckles that guy was creep-tastic."
"Ike!" Karen nearly squealed- the kid was such a potty mouth!
"No, no, one-hundred-percent." Tricia agreed. "What was up with that costume? The eyes were missing. Just... dark holes."
"I... didn't notice." Karen blinked as the group of four turned inwards to keep talking amongst themselves. She'd been excited about the balloons, and hadn't spent too much time focusing on Sneaker's face.
"Maybe it's a maintenance issue." Dougie posited, idly bobbing his balloon by tugging on the ribbon, though he had secured it to his wrist first. "I didn't think it was too bad; the guy sold it with the energy."
As predicted, Ike had reeled in his balloon using the ribbon, grasping the green rubber globe with one hand and stretching the knotted end with the other once it was within reach. Like a vampire, he bit into it with his front teeth and audibly inhaled helium before speaking. "His voice sounded kinda familiar- do you think they hired – pffftt- haha-"
He'd tried to keep a straight face, but when one suddenly sounded like a cartoon forest animal? Almost no kid under ten was up to that task. Karen laughed, covering her mouth. Snickering, Ike offered the balloon over to Dougie, signaling him to take a turn.
"Ike, your spit is on that, I don't want to-"
"Wuss!" Tricia called out, which caused Dougie to make a face.
"Oh, alright." Dougie accepted the balloon after ensuring the ribbon around his wrist was tight. It reminded Karen to tie her own balloon on, before it escaped. By the time she had it knotted, Dougie had a lungful... and decided to let it out as his best 'evil villain' laugh... gone gnomish, which quickly devolved into actual laughter as he held his gut.
Even Tricia cracked up, motioning for Dougie to pass as she grinned. She took a few deep inhales of regular air, letting them out slowly before she drained what appeared to be half the balloon in one go. She held it a second, as if building up dramatic tension, before losing her nerve and breaking out laughing before she managed to say anything at all, squeaking uproariously while passing the balloon over to Karen; the last person in the circle before it went back to Ike. "Crap- I couldn't- I- oh no, I've got the giggles...!" Tricia lamented as the balloon passed on.
Karen had no idea what she was going to do as she took it, but went for it all the same. Stretching the rubber, she inhaled the gas inside, considered for a second what might crack her friends up, and decided before she thought about it too hard.
She started to sing, throwing her head back and bouncing along as she started trilling in ultra soprano "Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we- eh- hehehe-!"
"You kids take it easy! Jeez!"
"Party pooper!" Ike shouted back to an unknown adult who had complained from somewhere else in the line. He had somehow snatched the balloon back to suck in an extra gulp of helium before doing so, his defiant yelp in falsetto causing them all to crack up all over again.
This. This is why I hang out with this group.
The line shuffled forward, and she felt like it was all going to go alright. Even if she didn't win the raffle, she knew this was going to be a good birthday. She could feel it.
Dee hadn't wasted time after going to the mall. She'd gone and stood in line with the mob of middle school kids she'd gathered, waved her goodbyes to Butters and Clyde, and then marched off to deal with the next item on her to do list before she could kick back and call it the weekend.
It's almost like doing quests again... and they're just as dumb as they were back then. I even have a key item! Ha-fucking-zah.
Said 'key item' was a note she'd gotten Kenny to pen before marching off on her own- she wasn't letting him dump the entire go talk to Heidi thing on her. She needed something to direct the conversation, and Heidi was a smart enough girl to get with the program when faced with genuine honesty... so that's what she had. A note from Kenny with an honest explanation of why they needed her to be civil with Cartman for the weekend- the whole scheme was in there. The raffle, the kids Dee had gathered up who had put Karen's name in the hat, not Eric's, the hope for a birthday party and the possible retaliation they all feared, all in Kenny's... oddly eloquent own words.
Seriously, kid had a whole different voice when he was writing shit down, like some old-English poet.
With that folded up and tucked in her pocket, she'd hoofed it back to the neighborhood and went straight for Heidi's house, taking it at a brisk jog just for the heck of it.
The breeze was picking up. The forecast had mentioned snow over the weekend. Hopefully it wouldn't get too crazy.
Or maybe it will get crazy. Eric's limited if he can't fucking go anywhere because there's two feet of fresh snow.
Arrival at Heidi's house didn't hold much in terms of tension. Whatever happened here was going to happen, and Dee knocked on the door like a good neighbor and pushed her hood down while waiting for it to open. Static electricity from the fur lining made her curly-ass bangs stand even higher than usual, but she still had her black knit hat keeping the bulk of it in order. Thinking about her hair reminded her- brown roots were beginning to show. She needed to re-dye soon, if only for consistency's sake.
Maybe I can talk mom into letting me bleach and go for a new color. Blue would be cool.
The door opened, and Heidi's father appeared- jacked as he'd ever been. Even as a fitness junkie herself, Dee looked at this guy and could only think why? Did he think he looked good with his veins popping out like that? He had to, why else would he wear short sleeves in fucking Colorado?
"Oh, hello there. Are you one of Heidi's friends from school? She just got back from track practice..."
"Dad! I'm here!"
"Oh, well then-" The man turned slightly, backing off as his daughter appeared beneath his elbow and then supplanted him in the doorway, smiling up when he looked down at her questioningly.
"Don't worry, daddy, I've got this." Heidi assured him, wearing a green and white 'Go Cows!' beanie on her head with the team's logo. Her hair was damp, as if she'd just stepped out of a shower... and on her hip was the mechanical terror she'd been assigned in science class this morning.
It was only after her father had vacated the doorway that Heidi actually looked at who was there... and appeared surprised. She blinked, brows raised into the light brown fringe of her straight bangs. "Oh- Dee, I... What are you doing here? Uh, can you wait a sec? I'll come outside. Dad's got rules about letting boys into the house, you get it? I just gotta dress this little girl up for the cold- ah, where's yours?"
As customary with people who weren't part of her circle of friends, Dee did not emote. She stared back, not even shrugging, blank faced and silent.
With Clyde, who was weirdly clingy for a guy who has his own group of friends. I suspect he's up to something.
"Oh, right, right, you had a group- makes it a little easier to split things up, huh? Wait right here, I'll be out in a second."
Alrighty. At least I'll have plenty of room to run if you get mad.
The door shut after an awkward beat of silence, and Dee stepped back down the front stoop to turn back out towards the street and wait. In her pocket, she fingered the note from Kenny, and wondered how the holy hell all this shit was gonna shake out.
If she gets mad, we go to plan B. Well, my plan B. Not Kenny's. Butters ain't taking the fall for this.
'Out in a second' apparently translated to a full five minutes, enough so that Dee was idly scrolling through one of her social media feeds to kill time. Heidi exited her house wearing a legit child harness, with the baby doll dressed in full winter wear; from pastel purple hat to pink poofy coat to little tan boots. The girl herself had a brown coat shrugged up, and her hat pulled down over her ears. "So, what's up?" Heidi asked, perfectly pleasant as she shut the door behind herself and stepped down the stoop.
Might as well cut to the chase.
Dee pulled out the note from the pocket of her baggy ass cargo jeans, handing it over to Heidi.
"Huh? What's this? A note? … The secret is out, Dee, the school knows you're not a mute. Why don't you just speak up?"
I have no way to know who is obsession-prone and who isn't... and no safe way to test. Silence is better... but Wendy is working on it.
"... right. Okay, fine, I'll read it." Heidi shook her head, obviously finding it all a little ridiculous as she unfolded the notebook page.
Her expression hardened as she began to read. Soured was a good word by the time she reached the end.
"... wow. Karen's birthday, huh?" Heidi asked. "Would Kenny back that up if I called him right now?"
Really? You think Eric would- no, no, yeah, he would go this far to get your attention and make you think it was your choice. Yeah, sure, knock yourself out. Finally, Dee gave Heidi something- a nod. At the same time she tapped on her phone screen until her contacts were open, selecting Kenny's name off the list and holding it out for the suspicious girl. Go nuts.
Heidi remained suspicious, looked at the phone, and then took it while cramming the note into her own jacket pocket. Dee was pretty sure she heard it tare as Heidi stabbed her finger at the 'call' button, followed by tapping the toggle for speakerphone.
It only rang once. "Hello?" Was Kenny's voice, anxious- of course he was. Dee never called him, and probably only would if it was a full-on emergency. That was a voice half-dropped into the Mysterion persona.
"Kenny? This is Heidi. You wrote me a note?"
"Oh- oh! Heidi." All at once, the voice changed; Kenny was back to his higher default tone. Dee heard him faintly giggle on the line, the sort of laugh that didn't know what was going on. "Yeah, I did, about Karen's birthday. I... I know it's a shitty thing to ask for, but-"
"No, no, I get it- you're... you're just trying to do something nice for your sister. I... guess I can handle Eric for the weekend. But you owe me! You and Dee, got it?"
"Oh fucking Christ, yes, thank you. Got it. You have no idea-"
"You're welcome." Heidi returned shortly, hanging up before Kenny could grovel and handing the smartphone back. The girl drew in a deep breath after that, letting it out through clenched teeth. "... and I'm gonna have you cash in right now." She added, turning her hazel eyes upon the bringer of bad news.
Dee blinked. She'd expected a level of despair, but Heidi seemed to take control of that. She made a smart turn to look at Dee head-on, and stared her down with a gaze that could freeze hell itself.
"What was with Eric's outburst in class? Why was he so desperate not to get partnered with you? I've only seen him act like that about Kyle- what do you have on him?"
Fuck Mega-man's blaster like a fleshlight, really? You... you're not gonna let me get away without answering, are you?
She considered it. She could try to run. She was pretty fast... but Heidi was in track as a star sprinter. Dee was an endurance runner. In a 50-yard-dash, she suspected she'd not get far before the taller girl caught her.
With a sigh, she motioned at the other girl, gesturing at her own phone in an offer of information exchange. This was going to require some words- it was time to trade phone numbers and start texting.
::The Author's Corner::
THE PLOT THICKENS
Also we got to breathe with some wholesome goofery with Karen and her crew.
My fingers hurt now.
Also, for the observant in the crowd who noted that this was going to be a 'FNAF ripoff' – the appropriate term is parody, and yes, I tried to make that really obvious in the story summary XD. Just like the South Park show occasionally parodied things, I thought I'd try my hands at it... and see if I could write a better FNAF novella than fucking Silver Eyes in the process.
I listened to that book as research for this project.
I don't know what I expected. I really don't.
ONWARDS!
-Buttlord