::Sneaker's SnacShak – Mute Counsel::

"What?"

Dee had to back track a little bit to get to where Dougie was on the snow-dusted sidewalk, lagged so far behind as to not even be up to the corner of the new pizzeria, much less the doors. Considering his slow, foot-dragging pace, his ETA was somewhere between next week and heat death of the universe.

He'd separated himself. Dropped out of his group without a word, disappearing beneath the excitement of his friends. Isolated.

His question was sharp, as if he meant to stab her with it. She didn't flinch, falling into equally slow step at his side and dropping her phone into one of the many pockets on her cargo jeans before hooking her thumbs on the belt loops, slouching over to peer at him from beneath the untamed curls of her bangs where they peeked out of the front of her black knit hat.

What yourself, little dude. I still owe you a punch in the head over the kidnapping attempt a couple weeks ago. Three Mexicans ran me down with a fucking truck, and I had to get a rescue from fucking Cartman.

Outwardly, she stared at him, not emoting along with her thoughts. Dougie got the blank stare, pressing in on the kid as she picked at little details- like the scratches in the thick lenses of his glasses, and his still-healing lip. Not unlike her lacerations from their most recent after hours tryst, he was still recovering from when Mysterion found him that night.

After a few moments of silence, he looked up at her. It was short, appearing to not want to maintain eye contact for more than a moment before hastily turning his nose towards his shoes. "You don't have to do this- I bet you're pissed at me, too. Just leave me alone; it's better this way."

Too? … oh, don't tell me, this is about Kenny.

"Seriously, just... go away. Or hit me. Pick one. I can deal with that, but I'm not gonna take your fake pity, okay? I know how this goes- I've been a loner forever. If me being around is gonna ruin Karen's birthday because she wants her stupid brother there, then I just won't be there... it's not like she'll even notice, anyway." Dougie stopped walking, planting his feet and squaring up with Dee as if he actually expected her to fight him; right here, right now. He even indicated his face, as if suggesting a target. "If you whack me hard enough, I'll have an excuse not to show up. Go for it."

Exotic chocolates filled with pureed cricket shit, what the fuck are you on about kid? Sure, Kenny's fuckin' still steamed, but that's because he thinks you corrupted his sister- if you act like you're the problem then you're just letting him win. Go punch him in the dick if that's how it feels to be you right now.

Dee halted. They'd made the outside wall of Sneakers with it's fresh dark bricks, not yet weathered by the local elements. Staring at Dougie's stance, she shrugged and leaned back on said brickwork with one leg slightly out to hold her weight, the other bent for her foot to meet the brick wall below her rump and create the most casual of poses.

Dougie blinked, frowning. The still-healing skin of his lip puckered slightly with the expression. "... you're not taking his side? Kenny's your boyfriend, shouldn't you be mad at me just cause he is? A-And I sent minions after you! This is the part where everyone agrees that I suck and stops hanging out with me! That's what happens right now- what's wrong with you?!"

You've been bullied a lot, huh? I mean, you threw in with Professor Chaos in his early attempts at ending the world, but this seems like you've gone full on angst phase in the life cycle of the awkward white nerd boy.

Finally, she raised an eyebrow, cocking her head slightly to the side. Then, loosing her fingers from her belt loop, she patted the section of wall next to her as an invitation for him to join her. He seemed uncertain of what to make of it, looking left and right suspiciously. His fists were clenched at his sides, his face made up into the certainty that he'd just been silently ejected out of his friend group for an event... but that certainty was a shield. A shell, delicate as an egg's, and it cracked after only a few moment's attrition.

Beneath it, he was sad. He sighed, and stepped up to turn his back to the wall and plant himself next to Dee, his hands coming forward to interlace fingers over his stomach. Thumbs idly twiddled in the gloved cradle he formed between his digits.

That's better. Now that you're done barking, what's actually up your ass?

"I like her."

The admission was quiet, murmured more than spoken. The confession was outward, to the occasional snowflake that lazily spiraled down from the sky- she just happened to be within ear-shot.

Aaaaand you've just gone above my pay-grade.

Dee's reaction was instant. She reached out and smacked the kid over the head- not the punch he'd been asking for, but an open handed thwap on top of his curly ginger poof of hair, eyes narrowed as he jerked over to stare up at her with an amount of surprise.

"Wha- look, I know it's stupid!"

How it's making you act is the stupid part. You like a girl, her big brother thinks you're a turd. Congratulations, you've graduated from kiddy-crush to plot of a bad romcom. You know how those always resolve? By the stupid boys talking to each other. I swear to fuck, the Stupid Virus keeps infecting younger and younger.

"No, no, you see- if I talk to Kenny, he's gonna start a fight, and Karen will be unhappy- on her birthday! Isn't it better that I just... go away for a while?"

The same hand she smacked him with rose up again, and he flinched as if she were going to whack him again. She held her palm aloft, that very much being her intent... but she sighed and brought it to her face instead; pinching the bridge of her nose with thumb and forefinger as she screwed her eyes shut. Her other hand also appeared to gesture, holding up a single finger as a signal that he shouldn't speak until she'd digested the current piece of idiotic bullshit he'd just spouted.

Where the hell is Stan when you need him?

"It makes logical sense-"

Her arm crossed her body as the finger she'd stuck up to request one moment please was physically shoved against his face to hush him. You are anything but logical right now, kid. Social situations are not math problems. Subtracting yourself from Karen's birthday is just gonna make her worry about you the whole time. If you like someone, step one is don't be a fucking moron about it.

She'd ignore the fact that she was very much in the category of people who had recently been a moron about a crush. Multiple crushes, in fact. Possibly because she'd done a fair amount of mental shouting at herself at the time. How much good had it done? … well, she and Kenny were together instead of just awkwardly staring at each other day in and day out.

Okay, maybe I'm slightly more qualified for this than I'd like to admit.

After a few moments, she released her nose and looked at Dougie again, withdrawing her 'shushing' hand. Dougie glared at her, clearly displeased at being quieted by way of having a random finger stuck up against his mouth.

"Fine, what would you do? You like someone, but their older brother hates you, outweighs you, and recently beat the hell out of you- and now he's gonna be there, at their birthday party, and it's supposed to be their best day ever- what do you do?"

I solve problems by punching them, kid... but I'd really rather you don't punch my boyfriend in the dick. Kinda the principal of the thing. Plus Kenny wants to see Karen have the best day she can as bad as you do- if you assholes just talked...

She shook her head, feeling the urge to groan aloud. It was happening again- was this just her calling in life? The go-between in messy episodes of romance? She'd been the mediator for Craig and Tweek when they'd gone to relationship counseling, she'd been contracted by the girls to ferret out liars and cheaters, people online ranted about their relationships in her comments section all the time expecting advice, she'd ended up in the middle of Wendy and Stan getting back together, recently ended up as a reluctant go-between for Heidi and Eric for an interest as distraction gambit... and now this. Was she wearing a relationship councilor sign somewhere on her person that she wasn't aware of? Or was it just that people liked to talk out their problems to someone who literally could not talk back?

Fuck it, fine. I'll poke Kenny, get him to assure a truce or a cease-fire or whatever the fuck- for Karen's sake.

Kyle wasn't sure what it was, but he felt really... old walking into the not-quite-yet open pizzeria and arcade that was Sneaker's SnacShak; the place looked pretty classic for the genre. Barely inside the front door, he could spy a hall which led off to the left and into a play area with green carpet, yellow slides and blue padding on the walls for kids who got too riled up and hurled themselves about like tiny wrecking balls. The rest of the immediate area was done in checkered linoleum, patterned green and yellow on the floor looking as shiny as it ever would in its lifespan, promising many a kid with snow-covered boots would be squeaking their shoes upon it in the days to come. Cordoning the entry lobby off into a discreet little box with one of those big rough mats to wipe one's shoes on was a coatroom to the right, the wall textured as brickwork painted over in bright green and the entry to which just being an open portal without a door. Without house lights that side room only got a sliver of natural light from the glass doors the group had passed through to enter, but Kyle could glimpse rows of storage lockers that people would probably be able to rent to store things they didn't want to carry while in the restaurant proper. Immediately forward from the doors was the dining area, which expanded off to the right into a large open room that he couldn't yet get a full view of- but that didn't matter. Just standing inside the glass doors made him feel oddly nostalgic, and yet in a manner that felt too soon.

Maybe it was because he knew he was too big for the play area, or because the idea of killing time at an arcade didn't excite him all that much anymore. A couple years ago, he might have been bouncing in place at the prospect of a place like this opening. Now? He looked around and felt a little sad. Twelve was just a tiny bit too old to get super excited about kid hang-outs like this; next year he'd be a teenager. An actual teenager. Teenagers didn't get stoked over kiddy arcades and prize counters... and he wasn't near old enough to be the adult returning to an old childhood haunt, passing the tradition on to the next generation.

Would places like this even be around when he was grown up? It was sad to consider the answer was probably no.

In his arms, his simulated baby began crying.

Eyes from the rest of the group turned back on him; Karen, Ike, and Tricia were up front now. It was Tricia who had pushed the door open on the pizzeria when Karen had hesitated to enter while the front windows were dark. Kenny was just behind, reassuring his sister as they came in with a hand on her shoulder whilst they all passed inside from the cloudy, windy cold of the outdoors and into the strange stillness of a quiet restaurant. Kyle had been last, and with everyone looking back at him while his doll's screaming echoed through the space there was an intense temptation to just slip back outside and take care of whatever he needed to do without causing any further fuss.

Bad plan, the teacher said these things have temperature sensors. If I put mine down in the snow for a diaper change, that's gonna damage my grade for sure.

"Sorry." Kyle winced, looking around. Usually places like these had the way to the nearest restroom clearly marked so kids could find their way, but he didn't see an immediately apparent sign. "I think he probably needs a change- I just fed him a bit ago..."

"Dude, just change him on the floor. The doll doesn't care." Kenny scoffed at Kyle's wild glances here and there, tugging down his muffler after a moment to speak without obstruction. "You're the biggest prude I know, man."

"It's supposed to be a parenting simulation- and parents take their kids to the bathroom to change them!" Kyle insisted, already feeling a flush of embarrassment. "I'm just taking the project seriously!"

"Your kid isn't gonna be the last tiny dick this place ever sees." Ike smirked. "Might as well be the first."

"No!" Kyle snapped over simulated wailing, glaring at all assembled. "I'm going to find the restrooms- they're probably somewhere in the arcade area or off the dining room. C'mon."

"God you are so uptight." Ike grumbled as Kyle pushed to the head of the group, leading the way into the dining area proper. Beyond the entryway, it was now possible to see the entire room, set up with long tables and benches, as well as booths built into the walls. Like the coatroom, the brickwork of the exterior wall was mimicked on the interior and painted over- this time in bright yellow, but disappeared into shadow due to the lack of any windows to let in natural light. The room, wide and tall to accommodate colored lights scaffolded to the ceiling, disappeared into black on the far side, with only the faintest suggestions of a stage where straining eyes attempted to peer. The shining sheen of a curtain could also be detected, the reflective quality of which suggested some metallic color had been used; probably silver, considering the repeated scheme of silver, green, and yellow that Kyle had noticed throughout thus far.

No lights were on, no power humming through equipment, adding to the strange potential energy of a place that was disturbingly quiet when one expected it to be animated and loud. Doubtless the stage was meant for the animatronic performers who had appeared that morning on the news; entertainment that would be central to Karen's party before everyone separated for other fun and games. Where were they? On the stage? Or in storage, since it appeared the bots were capable of free-roaming? On the technical side, he was fascinated by how all of that would work- free roaming automatons? At a children's restaurant? There had to be some kind of trick, or else those bots had to be monstrously expensive.

Thankfully, in all this dark, there was a single light on- one that highlighted a yellow square of an open doorway on the far side of the dining room labeled restrooms- no doubt a side-hall to the selection of bathrooms available to patrons.

"Oh thank God." Kyle pronounced, trotting ahead of the rest of the group. "I'll just be a second guys, sorry to hold up the show."

Crossing the dining area felt mildly unnerving. It was a wide, darkened space that the crying of his simulated baby echoed through, seeming to intensify the noise the little thing was capable of producing. Really, he swore, it was getting louder the more steps he took into the inky black towards the singular landmark of the lit doorway on the other side.

The house lights kicked on.

::The Author's Corner::

AND NEW CHAPTER!

Not much to report this time my friends. As always, I am thankful for your readership, reviews, and support of my stories. Y'all are fantastic!

ONWARDS!

-Buttlord