Backwards

When Alec returns to the Institute the next morning, his chest is still warm with the memory of Magnus' smile as Alec kissed him goodbye at the door, as he kissed his boyfriend goodbye at the door.

Alec immediately has to fight against the ridiculously happy smile that is threatening to spread over his face at that thought.

Last night, they had an honest and entirely open discussion about them. And while Alec had been pretty sure that they were on the same page before, it's still somehow surprisingly reassuring to have really talked about it, to know exactly where they both stand, the assurance that they are both committed and want to see where this will go.

The conversation really was entirely open and even surprisingly non-awkward considering some of the topics of conversations, particularly regarding their individual dating histories.

Well, Alec might forever loathe the number seventeen from this point forward - not to even mention, seventeen thousand - but there is really nothing he can do about that.

Point is, last night Alec actually asked the High Warlock of Brooklyn to be his boyfriend and he is now in a committed relationship with Magnus Bane. Magnus who is insanely powerful and breathtakingly beautiful and so incredibly compassionate and kind.

And he is now Alec's. And anyone who doesn't like it can just go deal with that on their own time.

So, yes, Alec is in a rather excellent mood right now.

Of course, his thoughts are promptly derailed as soon as he steps into the Ops center and spots Izzy standing by one of the screens. Or possibly an Izzy impostor. Alec isn't entirely sure.

Because this Izzy doesn't look anything like his sister. She's in a dark blue, rather conservative dress, the skirt reaching well below her knees, her hair pulled back into a strict, sleek pony tail, and even her movements definitely lack some of her normal flourish, that swagger and self-assurance she usually carries herself with.

She looks muted somehow. And Alec promptly feels his eyes narrow, as he immediately changes direction to cross the Ops center instead of going to his room as he had been planning to do.

Of course, as soon as she sees him, she immediately starts ribbing him for having stayed out for the second night in a row now, needling him and making more than a few rather suggestive, Magnus-related comments, clearly hoping to get some answers out of him.

But as much as Alec knows he won't be able to avoid that particular discussion forever, they have more important things to talk about right now. Like the fact that Izzy currently doesn't look anything like herself. Alec doesn't like it.

Because he can tell that she doesn't feel entirely comfortable in her skin, can see the worry and frustration and uncertainty in her eyes, even as she nags him about always keeping things too close to his chest. He just watches her through slightly narrowed eyes. The thing he has always admired about his sister the most is that she is always and uncompromisingly herself, never changing anything about herself even in the slightest to conform to anyone's image of her. So, this non-Izzy version of her? Alec doesn't like seeing it and it just makes him suspicious what her reasons for suddenly doing just that could be.

And when she then finally tells him about breaking it off with Meliorn - the seelie his sister has been more than a little infatuated with for years now, always being drawn back to Meliorn's side - Alec immediately feels a scowl form on his face. Because Izzy might always have claimed that Meliorn was just about having a bit of fun, but Alec knows that the seelie means much more to her than that.

"Really?" he asks skeptically, watching her closely.

She sighs. "Apparently, I need someone more… 'shadowhunterish'," she says with a slight roll of her eyes that is clearly intended to make light of the fact that she just cut someone from her life who actually means a lot to her.

But with that comment, Alec immediately knows exactly where this sudden change in her originated. And damn their parents for making all of them feel always so very inadequate.

Because it's suddenly all too apparent why she is doing this in the first place, changing herself to the point of being barely recognizable as Izzy at all. She is trying to turn herself into another perfect Lightwood Shadowhunter soldier for their parents to brag about, someone aside from Alec to pile their expectations on top. She is trying to help him.

Maybe something about this entire situation - their parents trying to push Alec into an arranged marriage to fix their family name - might have finally helped her realize just how much of the messes his siblings so love to create without any thought to the fallout tends to land as additional weight on Alec's shoulders instead.

Maybe she finally saw how uncompromisingly their parents expect Alec to be the one to carry all that weight - as the eldest, as the one who 'understands his duties', as the one who is willing to make the sacrifices for their family name - while Izzy and Jace continue on with their lives, railing against the unfairness of being told what to do by the Clave or their parents, but never getting to feel the fallout of their decisions to 'get creative' as they call it.

Maybe the thought that Alec might have to trade in his future and any chance he might have for true happiness in order to make up for all of their mistakes actually got through to her for once.

Maybe she finally gets it.

Because this right here is clearly her attempt at being a sort of counterweight, desperately scrambling to take on some of that weight, clearly so very worried that if she doesn't, Alec will be the one to pay the price for all of their individual and collective mistakes. She is afraid that Alec will truly marry at their parents' say so.

And, angel, does he love her for trying to help him, for attempting to lighten his load for once, for not only realizing it but then also immediately, desperately scrambling to help.

But.

Thing is, her decision to try her hand at becoming more 'shadowhunterish' to please their parents, also perfectly coincides with Alec's decision to do the exact opposite. And no matter what, he absolutely won't let Izzy become the one to carry the weight of their parents' expectations in his stead just so he can live his life. He just won't.

So, he frowns slightly, saying carefully, "Izzy, I know you are trying to take some of the family heat. And I appreciate it, really, I do," he asserts, pausing slightly before continuing firmly, "But you can't change who you are."

She immediately raises her eyebrows at him and Alec just wants to sigh. Because he knows that stubborn expression that is starting to form on her face.

And maybe she was right earlier. Maybe it's about time he lets her in on what has been going on in his life, let her in on the fact that there is absolutely no reason for her to try following his example in obeying their parents now when he is currently in the process of merrily throwing a large chunk of their teachings out the window.

Yeah, maybe it's time that he tells her about Magnus beyond what she has clearly already guessed.

And there might also be a not-so-tiny part of him that is actually quite giddy at the thought of getting to tell someone about the so recent development between him and Magnus, at the thought of being able to tell someone that Magnus is in fact his now.

Yeah.

So, he doesn't give her a chance to reply to his last assertion and instead just starts walking up the walkway - away from the Ops center and away from anyone who might overhear what he is about to say next – knowing that she'll follow, as always unable to just let someone else have the last word.

He is proven right when he immediately hears the clicking of her shoes follow after him.

"I can't change who I am, but you can?" she demands with a scoff from barely a step behind him, just as they reach the door leading out of the Ops center.

And Alec just shrugs lightly as he turns down a deserted corridor, pretending absolute nonchalance despite the slight grin he can't seem to entirely wipe off his face as he says, "I know who I am. I'm the guy who's about to be disowned as soon as Mom and Dad find out that I'm currently dating a warlock. And a male one at that."

There is a choked sound behind him, then silence, even the clicking of Izzy's heels pausing for a few seconds as Alec just calmly walks on, knowing she'll catch up. And as expected, only seconds later Izzy's hand lands on his arm in a firm grip as she immediately proceeds to drag him into the next empty room she can find.

The door closes behind her none too gently and then she immediately spins to face him.

"Say that again!" she practically squeals. She seems to be almost vibrating in excitement where she is standing in front of him.

Alec tries to fight down the slight smirk he can feel tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You heard me," he says as he wanders over to one of the desks in the room they are currently in and casually leans back against it.

She follows barely a step behind, a grin spreading over her face. "You're dating a Downworlder? A warlock? Wait." Suddenly, her eyes widen even further as the pieces clearly click in her mind. "You're dating Magnus Bane?" She sounds absolutely incredulous.

He raises his eyebrows at her faux-calmly, but doesn't say anything in reply. He thinks that part should be obvious.

Izzy apparently disagrees, twitching forward to grab his shoulder and almost shaking him in her excitement. "Seriously, Alec, I need a verbal confirmation here. I need you to actually say the words and confirm that my older, the-law-is-the-law, I-do-whatever-the-Clave-tells-me, I-live-for-the-family-honor brother is finally doing something for himself. Something which apparently includes dating the very male and also stupidly hot High Warlock of Brooklyn."

Alec loses the fight to keep his face neutral, feeling his mouth quirk into a possibly rather smug grin as he waits a few seconds, before finally granting, "I am. Dating Magnus Bane, that is."

A pause.

She doesn't quite squeal, but it's a near thing and the smile spreading over her face is so wide, so full of glee and relief and so so much happiness for him, it is honestly starting to look a little ridiculous. "Well, damn, Alec. Magnus Bane? When you do something you certainly do it all the way. I mean, the High Warlock?"

He just shrugs, grinning slightly himself. Angel, it feels good to be able to just say it, to simply claim Magnus as his out loud.

She snorts a still somewhat incredulous laugh even as she finally moves to lean against the desk right next to him, turning to face him halfway. "Since when?" she asks.

Ah, this is the start of the interrogation then, is it?

"Officially since last night," he replies.

She raises an eyebrow at him. "And unofficially?"

He looks at her, knowing she'll be a little pissed at what he is about to say next, once she realizes just how long he has been keeping this to himself. "Well, you remember him from that night at Pandemonium, right?"

As expected, she nods at the question but then just continues to watch him expectantly, clearly waiting for him to elaborate.

Alec just gives a one-shouldered shrug.

A pause. And then her eyes widen. "Wait. You've been together ever since then? Alec! That was weeks ago!"

"Well, we weren't really together," he amends quickly. "We were just…" He falters, unsure how to explain that he does feel like he and Magnus have been together ever since that night at Pandemonium regardless of the fact that they only kissed yesterday for the first time and that they only put a label on it less than twelve hours ago.

Izzy just watches him, clearly waiting for him to continue but willing to give him the time to sort out his thoughts.

Finally, he shrugs with a huff. "We just… That night at Pandemonium, we talked for several hours before we finally went home. Separately," he immediately adds on at her rather suggestive eyebrow waggle, which only makes her leer widen further. Alec rolls his eyes at her exasperatedly but continues, "And then he called me the next day and we went out again and we talked some more. And we… we just never really stopped talking after that." He shrugs a little helplessly, still not sure how to explain how everything about them just simply fit right from the start and just evolved naturally.

Izzy continues to watch him and when he doesn't continue she asks, "What do you mean by that? 'Never really stopped talking'."

Alec looks at her and remembers her complaint earlier that he never talks to her about his personal life – which might be true but is actually mostly due to the fact that until so very recently, he simply didn't have a personal life to talk about – and he decides that he might as well tell her.

So, he does. He tells her about the phone calls and the texts and the endless conversations, about how he has been talking to Magnus every day for the past few weeks, about how Magnus always seems to have time for Alec, no matter what time he calls or how long their conversations stretch, about how Magnus is happy to talk whenever Alec wants to listen and simply listens whenever Alec wants to talk about something. About how it feels like they've been having a single, extended conversation, which never quite seems to drop off even if they don't see each other for a few days because they just keep it up via text or phone calls.

And Izzy watches him attentively, her eyes a little wide in the beginning but soon starting to smile at his depiction of what he has with Magnus.

Well, he doesn't really get into specifics, doesn't tell her that yesterday morning was the first time they kissed, doesn't tell her that kissing is all they've done so far, doesn't tell her that his mind still swims a little with heat whenever he thinks about last night, the memory alone sending a fizzle of electric heat down his spine.

He doesn't tell her that now that he got to kiss Magnus, Alec seems entirely incapable of dragging his mind away from wondering what other parts of Magnus might taste like, how Alec wants to kiss his skin, his neck, along those collarbones that tend to be so freely on display in some of Magnus' shirts, the sight of which has admittedly been driving Alec a little bit insane recently, if he is entirely honest.

He doesn't say how Magnus is the first person Alec has ever really felt attracted to, but how he kind of feels like he might already be well on his way to truly falling for him. How when Izzy told him about their parents' plans to marry Alec off, his immediate reaction was simply immovable conviction that there is no way he would give up what he has with Magnus for their parents' schemes. Or anything, really.

He doesn't tell her that despite only knowing each other for a few weeks, Alec spends his days thinking about Magnus and whenever something happens during the day his first thought is about how it will either make Magnus laugh or frown when Alec tells him about it during their phone call at the end of the day.

How Alec is so helplessly gone for Magnus that he can barely think of anything else.

Alec doesn't say any of that, wouldn't even know how to really put it into words. But going by her smile, he thinks Izzy gets the gist of it anyway.

And once he is done, she doesn't tease him, doesn't rib him about Magnus or finally admitting his sexuality, about not only choosing to come out as gay but also doing so in the most in-your-face manner possible, by being in a relationship with a Downworlder. Well, she only ribs him a little but it's definitely quite mild to her usual commentary. And then she just reciprocates.

She tells him about her confrontations with their parents earlier today, what their mother said about Alec 'understanding his duties' like him agreeing to marry at their parents' say-so is not even a question and how the mere idea that Alec would possibly give up his happiness like that without protest - simply because their parents demand it of him - was the reason for Izzy deciding it might be about time that she take some of the ever-increasing duties off Alec's shoulders.

She tells him how breaking it off with Meliorn was the last thing she actually wanted to do but she knows that if she doesn't get a clean break - a full break - she will never be able to truly stay away from the seelie.

Alec nods carefully – having expected as much - and then tells her that no matter what she decides, he'll have her back either way. Like that was ever even a question.

"I know you are trying to help me and I really am grateful," he says seriously. "But I don't want that to be at the expense of you giving up who you are. I don't want you to change yourself just to make our parents happy. So, if you want to be with the guy, just be with him. Our relationships are the one part of us neither the Clave nor our parents get to touch."

It's a conclusion he himself has only very recently come to but he will absolutely stick with it. Beholden to the Clave or not, no one gets to tell him who he should or shouldn't be with. That's not their place. That's no one's place but his own.

Izzy is now wearing a slight frown, even as she scoffs slightly at his words, probably unsure whether to believe Alec's assertions. Something about all of this marriage business clearly has her truly rattled.

So, he decides to truly spell it out. "Izz," he says, waiting for her to fully focus on him. "I will not agree to an arranged marriage. I might have at one point, but I won't now. Not anymore," he says emphatically.

There is a pause as he meets her eyes, just returns her rather intent focus on him.

And then, she blinks and Alec can finally see that worry - worry at what their parents might get him to agree to for his future, his happiness - leave her eyes. He lets his lips quirk into a slight smile to match the one on her face, even as he internally breathes a sigh of relief at finally seeing those shadows of fear disappear from her expression.

They just sit quietly for a few moments, just leaning against the desk, their shoulders pressed together in companionable silence.

Finally, Izzy breaks the silence with a snort. "Oh, wow. Mom will absolutely flip once she finds out about all of this. Her poster child being in a gay relationship with a Downworlder."

Alec just shrugs and deadpans, "Not our fault if she picked out the wrong poster."

Izzy grins and her quiet but relieved laughter at his levity warms him all the way down to his very core.

After that, things get truly hectic at the Institute.

For one, it turns out that Clary having her memories back doesn't really change much. Her recovered memories neither contain the all-encompassing knowledge she had clearly been expecting nor the common sense Alec had not-so-secretly been hoping for.

The removed memories were mainly about things that would have revealed the Shadowworld to Clary, like being attacked by a demon in a park, seeing her mother use her runes or her weapons, witnessing a warlock friend do magic. Nothing that actually pertains to their search for the Mortal Cup.

Honestly, Alec doesn't get why everyone seems so very surprised at the fact that Clary's mother never sat her daughter down to have a talk along the lines of 'so there are these mystical Shadowhunter artifacts that I hid from everyone, which is the main reason you and I are in so much danger right now but, here, let me paint an even bigger target on your back by telling you exactly where to find them'. Seriously, Alec doesn't get why everyone is so surprised.

But apparently, he is alone in that. Clary sulks, while Jace tries to reassure her that they'll still find the Mortal Cup and Izzy seems to be having a blast laughing at everyone from the sidelines.

Alec is simply just as exasperated as before. Add to that the fact that his parents are now back at the Institute and things have somehow gotten even more stressful than before. Alec hadn't even thought that was possible.

He thinks the headache behind his eyes might possibly be becoming permanent.

The only good thing that comes from Clary having her memories back is that she now seems to at least generally trust Magnus as well as Luke, both of whom were apparently friends of her mother. So, with her suddenly having two reasonable adults in her life, there is at least a general chance of avoiding any more half-planned, harebrained missions in the future.

Alec isn't holding his breath, but at least there is hope.

Of course, then Clary figures out where the Mortal Cup is hidden - namely in a tarot card, which is a thing apparently - so maybe her memories were worth something after all.

Alec's hopes that common sense might have returned to their mission planning are promptly dashed when that tarot card turns out to be kept in a police station and Jace and Clary of course immediately run in without any real plan and just a vague idea how to get at it. Only to - rather unsurprisingly - promptly get themselves stuck.

Which means they then call in Izzy and Alec to fix it.

It's an entire day spent playing games of subterfuge, when they could have just waited until nightfall and simply snuck inside. But no, as always Jace and Clary proceed with their let's-worry-about-the-details-when-we-get-there bullheadedness and promptly make everything far more complicated than it really needs to be.

But what else is new.

For Alec, the only lesson learned from the entire day is the fact that he is apparently just as hopeless as ever when it comes to flirting with anyone who isn't a certain warlock. The police woman he tries to distract - so Izzy can sneak past her - seems just as confused by his attempts at flirting as Alec himself is. He honestly feels for her.

Angel only knows how he managed to attract and then actually keep Magnus' attention. Because it's certainly not due to some sort of undiscovered suaveness or a particular ability to charm on Alec's end. Yeah, that much is really damn apparent.

But point is, their harebrained, hastily-cobbled-together scheme succeeds and suddenly – absurdly enough – they have the Mortal Cup in their possession.

A fact which they then promptly decide to keep from everyone, including the Clave. Because Alec is an absolute sucker for his parabatai's pleading eyes.

One day, Alec will learn how to deny his siblings something they want from him. He will.

But that day is apparently not today, he thinks exhaustedly as he watches the safe with the newly added tarot card in it sink back into the floor.

Their recovery of the Mortal Cup also pretty much perfectly coincides with Lydia Branwell's arrival at the Institute.

Lydia Branwell, daughter of one of the oldest and most influential Shadowhunter bloodlines, who was sent as a Clave envoy to check on the Lightwood handling of the Institute.

And Alec has never been quite this angry at the Clave for the insult, frustrated with his siblings for role in instigating this mess in the first place and disappointed in himself for not being able to handle everything in such a way that might have prevented this from happening at all.

Admittedly, his instinctive dislike of Lydia herself due to her role proves to be pretty unjustified.

Alec decides to go with her to check out an attack on Luke and he is honestly surprised to find that he doesn't dislike her half as much as he had expected he would just on principle. Lydia is a take-charge kind of person, doesn't pussy-foot around anyone - whether they be werewolf alphas or Alec's parents - and she is honest and direct and he really quite likes her no-nonsense attitude.

Even in the brief time they spend together that day, they just click somehow.

But then, with just a few carelessly spoken words about his parents, she proceeds to unintentionally turn his entire world on its head.

xxx

"My parents were in the Circle."

Alexander's voice is practically vibrating with anger and Magnus' head flies up from where he was leaning over the desk in his study.

He felt Alexander come through his wards but hadn't thought anything of it – and yes, Magnus might have given Alexander access to his loft yesterday night after only knowing him for a couple of weeks, what of it? - but now the Shadowhunter is standing in the doorway to his study and he looks absolutely furious.

Then it registers what Alexander just said and Magnus actually feels his eyes widen. He stares, blindsided, and before he can come up with anything to say, Alexander is already continuing.

"My parents. Were in the Circle," the Shadowhunter repeats through gritted teeth, anger practically radiating off him, his eyes on Magnus but somehow also kind of looking through him, focused on something else entirely.

And Magnus nods slowly, getting up from his chair as he says carefully, "Yes, Alexander, they were."

Alexander breathes out a harsh breath. Almost like he had been hoping for Magnus to refute him in some way.

And Magnus is honestly feeling a little blindsided right now, unsure how to react or what to say. But talking around the issue would feel like a sort of disservice to Alexander. So, he finally just says carefully, honestly, "I thought you knew."

Alexander snorts, his eyes a little wild, teeth clenched, tension in every line of his body.

"Well, I didn't. Apparently, there is a whole number of things I didn't know which are however common knowledge to others. It's just that no one deigned to tell me. Least of all my parents who spent my entire childhood preaching to me and my siblings about 'the law is the law' and 'following the Clave' and 'the true Shadowhunter way'." He sounds truly angry, furious.

Magnus watches him and then he starts slowly making his way around his desk, over to where Alexander is still standing in the doorway.

And the closer he gets the clearer he can see that Alexander's anger is just a very good front. Because while his expression might be angry, his eyes are those of someone who just had the rug pulled out from under them. He has that lost look of someone who realized that one of the foundations they built their entire life upon is less made of solid stone and more made of quicksand.

Magnus' chest aches at seeing it.

He finally comes to a stop just a step away from where Alexander is standing and Magnus slowly reaches out, carefully resting a hand against Alexander's arm. To his relief, he isn't shrugged off and instead the Shadowhunter's eyes finally focus on him fully.

"They lied to me." Alexander sounds angry and so, so lost, his eyes fixed on Magnus' own, like he is looking for answers, for some sort of justification, for an explanation. "They have been lying to me for years. Everything they told me was a lie, was based on a lie."

Now that he knows his presence is welcome, Magnus can't help but take another small step closer. He absolutely hates hearing Alexander sound like this, lost, floundering. Hurt by what amounts to a betrayal of the very values his parents themselves taught him.

Alexander's next words come out sounding somewhere between angry and almost plaintive. "I followed the rules, did everything they asked, fulfilled every task they put in front of me, lived by their rules. I have done everything they demanded of me. Everything. And now it turns out all they told me was lies."

Magnus just continues to watch him, all of his attention focused on Alexander, but there is really nothing he can say at this point. Not yet.

Maybe later Magnus can try to offer some words of wisdom, of comfort, try to help in some way. But not right now. Alexander clearly hasn't yet had the time to entirely work through this revelation himself and the last thing Magnus wants to do is mess with that by chiming in with his own, admittedly not-so-generous opinions of the elder Lightwoods.

And as much as he would have preferred for Alexander to never have to experience feeling betrayed by one of the foundations he built his very self upon, Magnus can't help the warm feeling spreading in his chest at the thought that Alexander apparently came here while floundering, that he sought out Magnus while trying to find steady ground under his feet.

So, Magnus is going to let Alexander lean on him, give his full and unquestioning support no matter what decisions or conclusions he might come to today in the wake of having his world view rattled so thoroughly. Just be a sort of safe place for Alexander to retreat to when the rest of the world around him is shifting.

Magnus is so very happy that Alexander is apparently willing to let him do just that.

xxx

Alec doesn't quite remember how, but by the end of the night they end up on the couch in Magnus' living room, Magnus leaning back against the armrest and Alec lying back against his chest, head resting against the warlock's shoulder. Magnus' arms are settled around him and intertwined with Alec's own fingers on his stomach. And Alec just feels secure and comfortable and so so warm.

He doesn't even know how long he ranted, how long it took him to finally make sense of what he learned today, so very rattled by this revelation that everything he thought he knew about his family is apparently a lie. Or at the very least tinted by falsehood.

Lydia's unintentional revelation about his parents' history with the Circle - he believed her when she said that she wasn't aware of Alec not being in-the-know - and Luke's confirmation of it as fact, and suddenly Alec hadn't been entirely sure anymore whether the ground under his feet was quite as steady as he had always assumed, suddenly unsure which parts of his entire life to believe in and which parts to discard as lies.

He had needed somewhere to retreat to, somewhere to make sense of things, to work through everything. Just needed time to draw his own conclusions, to make up his mind what to do with this information, how to fit it into his world view and into his sense of self.

So, he had simply left the Institute, simply walked out with no clear goal in mind. And before he knew it he had been standing in front of Magnus' apartment building.

It's unsurprising. Because Magnus always makes him feel so sure and safe and certain. Makes Alec feel like he is himself, completely independent of what others may see when they look at him or whether they may approve.

So, coming here had just been entirely automatic.

And Magnus had just taken one look at him, promptly put everything else aside and given Alec all of his attention. Without giving his own thoughts on the matter at all.

Magnus had simply listened, had just let Alec rant himself out as he tried to make sense of everything, tried to find steady ground under his feet again. And only when Alec finally got there, got to that point where he felt like he finally knew himself once more, knew where he stood and what to make of the recent revelations about his family's history, only when he then specifically asked for Magnus' opinion, only then did the warlock finally speak up in any way.

Magnus' clear unwillingness to take any influence on Alec while he had been struggling, but also making his absolute support - no matter what conclusions Alec might come to - clear, has something warm and light expanding in Alec's chest.

Because it's about trust and having someone to rely, to lean on, and Alec has simply never had that before. Unquestioning support.

Everyone else always has some sort of conditions attached. The Clave, his parents, other Shadowhunters, his siblings. They all have conditions, something that Alec has to give them in return for their support, even if it is just his parents requiring loyalty to their family from him - something he'd give anyway - or his siblings demanding he go along with their take on things whenever they go on missions.

But Magnus apparently doesn't. Doesn't ask for anything from Alec in return, not even that he take Magnus' opinions into account while he tries to make sense of everything. Simply offers Alec support, no questions asked.

And there is just something about that, about the assurance that Alec is welcome to come here when his world view and his view of self is being challenged, that he is welcome to lean on Magnus, welcome to use him as an anchor when the world around him somehow stops making sense.

Because Alec's entire world just shifted slightly. He is utterly exhausted - was already endlessly tired due to everything that has been going on recently but now there is a sort of mental exhaustion as well that makes it hard to fully focus on anything anymore - and one of the foundations of his life, the Lightwood name, has suddenly changed, has become something different. Not necessarily less, but just something that he doesn't quite recognize as his anymore.

But at the same time he also found a steady rock to hold on to, to rely on, a place where he can rest and find his center again.

Something about that reassurance makes Alec just fully relax back against his boyfriend's chest, turning his head slightly to tuck his face against Magnus' neck, curling their intertwined fingers on his stomach even tighter together.

And this right here, this sort of intimacy, is something Alec doesn't think he's ever experienced before. It's definitely different from hugging his siblings and also completely different from kissing Magnus or even from making out. Somehow, this calm, quiet warmth of just resting against his boyfriend's chest feels like so much more.

It's warm and secure and despite the arms wrapped tightly around him, Alec thinks he has never breathed quite as freely as he does right now.

Alec absolutely adores it and if it's up to him, he'd much rather remember today for this than as the day he found out about his parents' history with the Circle. Yeah, remembering this as the day he discovered that cuddling with Magnus on the couch might just be Alec's absolute favorite thing to do in the entire world sounds much more appealing.

And when Magnus turns his head slightly to press a gentle, lingering kiss against his temple, Alec simply closes his eyes. And he just breathes.

A/N: Hm, somewhat weird chapter. I tried to move the plot along a bit but the malec scenes just keep sneaking in XD It makes for a rather weird flow in this chapter, I think... Still, hope you liked the slight twists of the canon events, though. Would love to know what you think :D

And thanks so much for your reviews! You guys are just wonderful (*^^*)